57. The Magic of Asking for Help

Discover what's fun , unique and powerful about being an introvert , and how to make the elegant transition from quiet achiever to quiet warrior in your life and work anytime you want , in more ways than you imagined possible . Welcome , welcome to another episode of the Quiet Warrior podcast . Today I want to talk about asking for help .

A lot of introverts I've spoken with have admitted that asking for help is one of the greatest challenges for them , and I'm curious to explore why this is so . I know that for myself , growing up , asking for help was a sign of weakness . It was a sign of not trying hard enough .

It meant that I was disturbing other people , inconveniencing them , using up their valuable time , and it meant that I wasn't using my brain , for instance , to solve my own problems , and I took this thinking into adulthood with me , to the extreme .

So even when I was at work in those years as a lawyer and a civil servant , I found it so hard to say I don't know . Could you point the way , could you teach me , could you show me where to find this information ? Because it seemed to me that because I was a lawyer , I was expected to know everything .

I was expected to be smarter than everyone else , and if I couldn't figure out things for myself , you know what right did I have to give instructions to other people or to ask my team to do things ? I felt that I needed to be on top of everything . I needed to be super competent , needed to be on top of everything .

I needed to be super competent , I needed to have all the answers . And that flawed thinking continued all through my career and even after I had left the law and gone on the road , less traveled , and started my own coaching practice . I didn't see myself for many years as a business owner .

I saw myself as a self-employed person , but not in a CEO sense of being a business owner . I saw myself wearing all the hats and it was a very uncomfortable feeling . In the past , when I was an employee , I was only responsible for my tiny role and the responsibilities that went with it .

I knew that there was a finance department , I knew there was a HR department , I knew there was an admin department , and each department and unit had their own roles and responsibilities , and so we didn't have to step outside , and it wasn't right , for instance , to take on somebody's work or to venture into their territory .

It was very clearly demarcated who was doing what , but when it came to my own business , I was wearing all the hats , but at the same time I was forgetting that I was also the CEO of my own business , and I soon realized very , very quickly that I was not adequate to the task .

While I was good with certain aspects , like writing and communicating , I didn't have the skill set to market myself , promote myself , to close the deal , to sell or even to persuade people to consider working with me .

And this was not just a mindset issue , it was a skills gap , and so the best that I could think to do was , of course , to go looking for the knowledge , and so I read the books , I went to the courses , I signed up all sorts of programs , hired different coaches , enrolled in different programs through the years , and invested a huge amount of money to improve

myself and to learn these skills . And I don't regret learning these skills .

Even though a lot of them were way outside my genius zone , I still learned valuable information that at least now I know what I'm talking about and I know what email integration is , and I know how to build a website and I know how to blog , and I know how to embed a YouTube video or an audio player on my website , and I know how to start a podcast ,

how to write show notes . These are all the things that come from years of trial and error . But the problem I still had was that I had trouble asking for help .

So , again , I was looking for solutions , implementing those solutions the best I could , sometimes in a very haphazard way , but not seeing myself as the CEO who ought to ask for help when it was appropriate to do so . And so it's only been lately when I had a sudden light bulb moment and realized wait a minute , I don't have to do everything myself .

It's okay to say I don't know how to do this thing . It's okay to say I need help to look for someone who specializes in that area and pay them to help me . And pay them to help me , because for me it was one thing to hire a coach .

It was another thing to say outsource and hire somebody off Fiverr to help me with a particular project or particular task . And the first time I did it I was so nervous because I didn't know what was expected of or what I was expecting of them or how we would communicate .

And then I realized that wait , a second years ago , when I was a head of department , I was having those sorts of conversations every day , asking my team members to do things , setting out what tasks were expected , what the expectations were , what were the deadlines , and creating a clear channel of communication so that they could come and raise any questions and

concerns before they blew up . And so I already had that skill set , but I had forgotten . Just because it was a different context , I was no longer in a corporate setting .

And so once I reclaimed that , once I reconnected with that part of me , that part of my past work history , and had that very first video conference with my new virtual assistant , simply to work on a very tiny project , that feeling awoke in me , that sense of empowerment . It was a familiar feeling and suddenly it felt really good .

I really saw myself , in those few weeks of getting that project executed , as the CEO of my own business . And my thought to myself was why haven't I done this earlier . Why has it taken me so long to ask for help ? And so now I'm starting to think wider and bigger . To what else can I hire specifically for in order to help me get to market more quickly ?

I still want to learn how to do the back end myself . I still want to be on top of things . I still want to be that super competent , all-rounder kind of CEO who knows exactly what they're outsourcing and who can set reasonable expectations and milestones and ask for the right deliverables .

But I also realise that when it comes to the actual execution of a specific kind of task that is outside my genius zone , I don't have to feel apologetic or guilty or less than for asking someone else to do it and paying them appropriately . They are simply part of the team . I can't do this alone .

It takes a team to create a successful business that is sustainable for me . And it's only now , after 13 years , that this realization has hit me . And you might think well , you sure took a long time realizing something that seems so obvious , but to me it wasn't obvious .

To me , I felt the weight of meeting my own expectations , and perhaps weight of meeting my own expectations and perhaps still thinking , you know , like a child , having that feeling of I need to do it myself , I shouldn't trouble other people , I shouldn't be taking other people's valuable time . I should be solving my own problems .

I shouldn't be spending this money asking for help . I should be looking for my own solutions . And so if this is you , if this is where you are currently , I want to encourage you to look at it as you being the CEO of your own life , of your own business , and that , as a CEO , you make executive strategic decisions strategic decisions .

You don't always have to be the person that implements every last detail , but you certainly need to have that good overall view of what is happening and who needs to be doing what and when it needs to be done by , and what outcomes you're expecting in that very high-level view kind of way , and how that fits into your overall strategy .

So your role is the strategic , but somebody else's role could be the specific , the administrative , the bit that helps you further your strategic objectives , and together , each of you using your respective talents and skills and strengths , will then contribute to creating that sustainable , flourishing business .

I hope that makes sense for you and I hope that encourages you to think differently about this whole idea of asking for help . There is nothing wrong with saying I don't know . I don't have this expertise or this knowledge . I do have some idea , but I don't really know how the dots connect .

I do have some idea , but I don't really know how the dots connect , and I need someone who does . And when we're very clear about what is it we don't know and what is it we need help with , that help comes . That help will then drop into our world , and it can be through someone reaching out to you . It can be through someone responding to your post .

It can be through someone messaging and saying that they noticed your profile and that you might need help with something that they are an expert in , and so we are all experts in something in our lives .

What is your expertise and what is an area where you could outsource , delegate or invite collaboration or simply hire someone to help you so that you can further and strengthen your expertise and they can grow theirs too ? I hope this has been helpful for you

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