Resting Without Guilt

In our Capitalistic Society , we're taught to think of time as money at least , at least those of us that are not on the top and we're also left with money being a main source of security . So time off or time resting is less secure and leads to us having more worry and more anxiety Sounds like the opposite of confidence to me . How about you ?

So I and many of my clients have had a really hard time taking a break , and I'm going to guess that this is probably your experience too .

One of the things that I often hear with breaks is the worry about doing it right . That rest has to somehow be the right kind of rest .

Rest , like if you're not reading or doing yoga or journaling , something that's like self-development , self-improvement related , then it's not a good enough rest , and I just want to let you know that that is fucking bullshit that is programmed into us . That is the productivity goblin monster . Whatever A break or a rest is not about being perfect or doing it right .

That's not rest , that's more work . So we need to drop that , my friend . We need to drop the expectations that you have on yourself to do it right .

A rest is relaxation . A rest does not have any goal other than to just be . A rest is just being . It's existing , it's breathing . It can be journaling , it can be meditation or grounding exercises . It can also be throwing barbells around in the gym or learning to do back flips , or riding your bike or your unicycle , I don't know .

It can be going for a drive with no destination in mind . It can be watching a sunset . It can be walking the dog . It can be hanging out with your best friend . It can be listening to music and letting it just take you on a journey . It can be sitting in a nook and crying because you just can't keep it all together anymore .

There is no right way , there is no grade , there's no pressure . Those things aren't . Rest

Now . Ironically , in preparation for today's episode , I kept trying to think of some kind of profound , perfect message that I could give you , and then I realized that that's just another symptom of the problem . We don't live to work . We work as a beautiful part of life . It gives us a sense of purpose and accomplishment , but it's not the only thing .

It's time to ask yourself what do you make your work or productivity mean about you ? Why are you so addicted to the hustle ? For me , it was because I believed that I was what I do like what I do for people . That gave me value . Now I know that that's not true . I know now that it's actually who I am that gives me value .

And , my friend , that is absolutely true of you too . It is

not what you do , it is not how you do it , it's not how much you do that makes you valuable as a person . No one loves you or adores you , looks up to you or wants to be your best friend or your lover because of what you do . They want to be in your glorious , amazing , iconic , one of a kind delicious . Give me more presence .

They wanna be around you , they wanna be with you . They wanna be in your life because of who you are . I know that you already know that's true of other people that you wanna be around them because of who they are , not necessarily what they can do for you .

It's time to just flip that on yourself and remind yourself that the same is absolutely true of you , too . Now I'll tell you from experience that , even though I know this , and even though many of my clients know this and we're working on it you're still human . I'm still human , we're still human . We still forget .

We revert to old ways , and it's okay , I know . I revert to my old ways of running myself ragged , and then I have to pause and I realize , oh shit , why am I so exhausted ? Oh yeah , for the last couple of weeks I've been trying to write a book in a month or less . Hell , no , let's drag it out . Let's have a little more time .

Doesn't all need to be done ? What is this deadline anyway ? Why did I set this in the first place ? Oh yeah , because that sounded like really productive , and productive equals valuable . So , fucked up , let's be done with that shit .

Huh , let's at least make a commitment to being done with it , and then , when you realize that you're doing it again , just remind yourself oh yeah , it's that thing I do and let it go . So , please , permission for all of us to be imperfect at resting . Now , zooming

out a bit , I also believe that rest is an essential ingredient to the life that I want . It's not actually success if I'm miserable by just working , working , working all the time , I would be absolutely drained , and that is not the life that I want .

This is part of the reason that I moved to San Diego last year was because I wanted to be in a culture that would encourage me to slow down and be present with my life and enjoy things other than productivity . Also , if never resting actually was the answer to success , then I should have been a worldwide celebrity years ago .

I should have been a gazillionaire by now . I should have been like done , check my whole , I don't know . Life's mission is just done , yeah , perfect , a plus . And that's obviously not the gaze . That's ridiculous and we know that . And yet many of us put the pressure on ourselves to just produce , produce , produce , do , do , do , busy , busy , busy .

So I'm inviting you to try it out and take an actual break , an actual rest

with me . And , speaking of my own rest , I'm taking a break from the podcast for the month of December and I'll be back in the new year . The plan next year is to release the podcast in short themed seasons . That way it will have rest built in there for me between the seasons .

Each season will have a focus on a particular part of queer life and the queer journey and , if you haven't caught on yet , I am practicing what I preach . Just like I tell you , I'm treating this show as a living art project . I'm experimenting and having fun with it . So thank you for coming along with me on this journey .

I'm excited to see you in the new year for more impactful solo episodes and meaningful interviews with fabulous guests .

If you've been getting a lot out of the show , would you consider making a monthly pledge of just $3 to keep the project going ? My birthday is in a couple days and you can make this my birthday present . I put a lot of time and money into this podcast because I love you and I care about this mission of spreading queer confidence .

If you're benefiting from the show , I would love your support so we can continue the mission . The link to support the show is down in the show notes and if it's not in the budget for you , would you make sure to tell one friend about the show today ? Spreading this message to support queers and becoming more confident is the purpose of this show .

Big hugs to all of you , my queer unicorn family . Have a fabulous rest of 2023 and I'll see you next Tuesday , in a few Tuesdays . Bye .