Ep210: Leading Lady (or Leading Man) Energy: How to Stop Playing Small and Step Into Center Stage in Your Life

It's about having the clarity , self-confidence and unstoppable belief to go after and get everything you want . If you'll come with me , I'll show you how . Hello friends , I hope you had an amazing week . This week's episode is a good one .

We are going to talk about what does it mean to play the lead role in your life , to bring that energy to everything that you do , to your career , to your family , to your friends , to the activities that you're involved in , and we're calling it leading lady energy .

It's inspired by one of my favorite holiday movies , which I'll talk about in the course of the episode , but the main crux of it is what does it mean to stop playing small , to stop playing a bit part or the part that other people want to assign to you , and instead to say here I am , at this place in my life and this is who I am , and I'm going to

bring my best version of that to center stage in every part of my life , and I don't know about you , but there've been time periods in my life where I feel like I've played small and I don't want to do that anymore , and so when I was watching one of my favorite holiday movies and there was a scene on there and they were talking about what does it mean

to be the leading lady of your own life , I thought it was really interesting , and so I'm going to offer you up some ways that famous actresses step into center stage confidently and with ease , because I'd love to see each of us do that every day in our own lives . So enjoy this episode on leading lady energy .

Today , I want to talk about something that is inspired by one of my favorite holiday movies . Tis the Season , right . So I've already watched Love Actually twice , but the scene that I'm talking about is not from Love Actually , which is probably my favorite holiday movie , but it is from my very close second favorite holiday movie , which is called the Holiday .

It has Cameron Diaz , kate Winslet , jude Law , jack Black . It was from the mid 2000s and I love that movie , so if you haven't seen it after this episode , hopefully you'll be inspired to go see it , because it's really charming and I think you'll enjoy it , but specifically , I want to talk about what I'm calling leading lady energy .

Of course , if you're not a woman , you're a man . Same thing applies , leading man energy . It's inspired by a scene from that woman . You're a man , same thing applies , leading man energy . It's inspired by a scene from that movie .

It's a Nancy Meyers movie , which I love her , but it's about this woman who's from London and she works in the publishing industry , and she's had this long standing crush on a coworker , and I guess they've been romantically involved at points . It's an unrequited love .

He's a playboy enjoying his singleness , and he uses Iris's affections as a crutch to make him feel better when he's not doing so well himself , but he doesn't really feel about her the way she feels about him , and so she takes a two week holiday and leaves London and does some kind of a home exchange with Cameron Diaz's character , who is having similar romantic

issues , and they switch places . So Cameron goes to London , kate Winslet's character goes to Los Angeles , and while Kate Winslet's character is in Los Angeles , she meets Jack Black , who becomes a romantic interest for her , and interestingly , though , is the relationship that she forms with the next door neighbor .

That's Cameron Diaz's next door neighbor and he's an older gentleman , probably supposed to be in his 80s-ish , maybe a little older , and they become very friendly and she takes him to dinner one night early in their acquaintance and I want to talk to you about the dialogue they have .

It's just a couple of minutes but it's the premise for what I want to talk about in this episode . So the older gentleman talk about in this episode . So the older gentleman .

They're sitting in this restaurant and Iris is telling him her story of her unrequited love and they have this conversation where Arthur the older gentleman says to her Iris in the movies we have leading ladies and we have the best friend . You , I can tell , are a leading lady , but for some reason you're behaving like you're the best friend .

And Ira says you're so right , you're supposed to be the leading lady of your own life . For God's sake and I won't go into the rest of the scene you can either watch the movie for yourself or there's little snippets . You could find that scene probably on YouTube .

It is such a charming and poignant scene and he's talking to her about something that for his generation was probably a word that was used a lot . I don't hear it a lot these days .

Maybe you do , but he's basically talking to her about what she needs is gumption , and he's talking about all of these leading ladies of the past and some of these movies from the earlier days of cinema , and he gives her this little watch list to go rent these movies and start to channel or model leading lady energy , as I would put it .

He wants her to show some gumption in her own life and stop taking the crap from the guy who's not treating her right . It's very charming , but I want to talk for a minute about the definition of gumption and then we'll dive in , because it's not a word I use a lot and you can get the sense that it's about being a little feisty or whatever .

But I wanted to look up like what is actually meant by that and so I checked various sources . It can range from being about showing some initiative , showing some enterprise . The Cambridge English Dictionary describes it as the ability to decide what's the best thing to do in a particular situation and to do it with the energy and determination it requires .

I think that's a really great definition . Dictionarycom describes it as initiative , resourcefulness . It also says aggressiveness , but I would change that to assertiveness . I don't love the word aggressive . I think it takes a dark turn .

Assertiveness is great Courage , spunk , guts or some other words , backbone , grit , guts , moxie , fortitude , strength of mind , things like that . So that's all from vocabularycom . So you can see that , as Arthur's telling her , gumption is a really good thing to have .

And my question for you as we walk through this episode , I'm going to give you five ways that a leading lady channels that leading lady energy . That's interesting to look at , both because my inspiration for this episode came from the movie , but also right now I'm working in the entertainment field , in the movie industry .

That's my latest corporate gig and I'm loving it because I love the movies . So it just seemed appropriate to talk about leading lady energy .

When you listen to this episode and these five things , I want you to have the definition of gumption in the back of your mind and ask yourself how well are you channeling those words that embody what gumption means in your own career or , honestly , any aspect of your life ?

Maybe , like Iris , the character in the movie , you have romantic issues , or maybe they're showing up in other relationships in other ways , or maybe it's just you're not stepping into your fullest potential in either your corporate career or the business that you run . This leading lady energy problem can show up for any of us leading lady

energy . So , number one obviously the leading lady is comfortable taking center stage , right , she is not someone who doesn't know how to embrace stepping into the limelight . She's always in the limelight , she's always being interviewed . She goes on those the limelight , she's always being interviewed . She goes on those press junkets where she's promoting the movie .

And if she's a stage actress , she understands exactly how to step center stage when the lights go down and every eye in the auditorium is looking at her and she is perfectly comfortable taking that role in the production . This is one that I , as a lifelong introvert , have challenges with .

Sometimes Some folks who know me would be like , really I don't know about that , but it is true and I think folks who've known me for a very long time would say that , even though there's one part of me that likes being center stage and likes being the leader , and likes being able to express their opinion and having others look to them for the expression of

the opinion . Sometimes it's a struggle , I'm not going to lie , but not for the leading lady . Like she's looking for that spotlight . There's something inside of her , a self-belief , a knowing about what her destiny is , about what she truly wants .

And so she doesn't shy away from the spotlight , she commands it and she steps into that energy and puts on that persona . Night after night , performance after performance , scene after scene , she's in the energy and fully embodying the leading lady and the character in that role or in that production .

That is what she's doing , and the analogy for you is how are you stepping into center stage in your life ? Stepping into center stage in your life , or are you hiding from it ? Are you shying away ? Maybe you're doing it fine in one area . Maybe you're totally comfortable in your career , totally comfortable stepping into that role , taking up that mantle .

You know , being confident in who you are . But there's other places in your life where maybe not so much , maybe it's in the romantic area we've had a couple of bad experiences and you're just not comfortable doing it again . Or maybe in your career you used to be totally comfortable and then something happened that jarred you a little bit or pulled the rug out .

Maybe you got laid off or downsized or something like that happened and it forced you to rethink whether or not you were actually good at what you do , and so now you find yourself on the periphery , afraid to fully step in to your true power in your role , and this can happen too , depending on the culture you're in .

I've found that there are some cultures that I feel totally comfortable in , and there are other cultures , I would say those that are more mired down in corporate politics and have very strong old school sort of power structures . I don't like those kinds of cultures for me . They don't work well for me and I'll do it .

But it's much more exhausting for me to go center stage and they don't tend to work out well for me . I'm not happy usually when I'm in that . So sometimes it can be the vibe of a place that keeps you from really being comfortable taking center stage as you think this through for yourself .

That's a good thing to know , and maybe it's something that you haven't been in touch with up till now .

So if you're in a place that you don't feel safe or you don't like the vibe of the place , you don't trust the people that work around you , it might be a good time to start thinking about a pivot , and if that's how you feel about it , I don't think you can change something like that just by changing how you think about it .

I know I'm all in on the cognitive behavioral therapy approach to coaching , but thoughts of behavioral therapy approach to coaching . But thoughts don't always change things the way we need them to and the culture of a place or the energy of the people around you . You can't really change that right .

But what you can know about yourself is how you feel when you're in that , whether you can change the way you function in that and make yourself okay and at your strongest in that . And if you can't , it's a good time to change your circumstance , like change your job , put some thought into it , find a place that works better for you .

So that's number one is that a leading lady is totally comfortable center stage with the spotlight on her in those moments where it's necessary . So I'm not saying you're a narcissist and always everything's about you , but I'm just saying that is a place where , if you're truly channeling leading lady energy , you just need to be comfortable being center stage .

So that's number one . Number two a leading lady is confident in her delivery and the delivery of her lines . If you want to take it to a movie production , she's clear , she knows her lines , she's prepared right and she's very confident in how she delivers them , with all of the nuances necessary to embody that character .

So if we take this over into your life and we think about if you're in the corporate arena , how comfortable are you speaking up about issues , opportunities , ideas you have ? How comfortable are you speaking up in meetings where things might not be going well right ? How confident are you in that role ?

Because if you're truly channeling leading lady energy , you would be confident no matter what , no matter where anyone else's head is at .

There's always room in every room for someone who's clear , who's well-informed and who's confident to speak up , because those are the people who can solve the problems , those are the people who can stop the swirl and , honestly , those are the people that get promoted right .

People notice , even if they don't love , that you're taking the vibe of a room that's stuck and everyone's feeding off of this victim mentality .

Sometimes , when someone steps forward and suggests a solution that can solve it , there's a certain percentage of the room that is happy about that and there's also a percentage of the room that thinks who's this little bossy pants right ? Why is she so sure that she's got all the answers to our problems and some people don't like to have the problem solved .

They like to stay stuck , and there's certain corporate cultures where they're stuck , cultures where things don't move forward right . I have been in a few of those , so it's not fun .

And when you're in one of those rooms and you're trying to keep the ball moving down the court or down the field , you know people can look at you and think who does she think she is ? But when you do it from a place of truly trying to move things forward and you're doing it in an appropriate yet very confident way , it gets noticed right .

Same thing in your business Like if you've got your own business and you accept a speaking engagement , you need to step center stage . Are you dreading that ? Or are you like in number one , comfortable stepping center stage and two , confident in your delivery ? That's the thing .

Or if your thing is an online business and you're doing these Facebook lives , are you confident ? Are you sitting in that confidence on your video while you're talking to your target audience ?

That is important and you can channel that confidence anytime by making sure that you're informed and have a very clear perspective on the things that you want to say and that you own your ability and your right and have a strong belief in the fact that the things that you share can help people or a situation move forward .

So that is about channeling that leading lady energy , confidence , which we're talking about in number two . That's how you do it Like you are not shying away from those situations . You're not standing on the sidelines watching the unfortunate things unfold in the meeting .

You are stepping forward and you realize that , even if things don't go well the first time that you'll run at it again and again because you have a strong belief and confidence in who you are and in your ideas . So that's number two . Number three you know how to command a stage , and this is different than being comfortable in the spotlight .

Number three knowing how to command a stage is the energy you bring with you when you enter a room , and I have had some rooms where I do it well and I've had other rooms where I don't not comfortable there .

Right , and I just want to submit to you even if you're in a place where , at work , maybe you're not totally comfortable with the vibe of the place , while my recommendation stands , if you're in a culture , that just doesn't work for you and it drains your energy every day and you feel not quite at your best all the time .

I'm a big fan of changing the environment . You can't change the vibe of a culture as one person , but this is the caveat to that While you're looking for your thing , while you're still there , if you're channeling the leading lady energy , you still need to have a presence about you , the leading lady energy presence .

You need to be able to walk into a room , even a tough room , even a room where there might be some bullets flying . You've got to command that stage and you know it when you see it . If you've seen other people man or woman walk into a room and people just sit up a little straighter , they notice , they're drawn to that person .

They're a force , a leading lady . She's a force . When she walks into the room , people notice she acts boldly , she speaks confidently , she stands tall , she carries herself in a certain way , she stands a little straighter , she pulls her package together . She doesn't just throw anything on and haphazardly apply her makeup and select her jewelry .

She's put together and you can be that no matter where you're at in your life . And I will tell you that when you do that , it makes you feel better . It makes you stand a little taller . It makes you carry yourself differently when you treat yourself like you matter . It may not be the right place for you .

You may not be thrilled about walking into a room where , in five minutes , bullets are going to be flying , maybe in your direction , but you can still sit tall , have a good presence in the room and make eye contact . Look people in the eye . Drop your shoulders down , don't be all scrunched up .

Open your body language up to the room , no matter how many bullets are flying , and be confident saying what you're saying , even if you know that it's not going to be . Maybe at least on the first pass , adopted welcome opinion . It doesn't matter . Carry yourself like you're a force .

You know how to command a stage , and that room in your corporate life is your stage , and that Facebook live or Instagram live in your business if you're also running a business or if you run that instead of being in corporate , that is your stage .

Stand tall , speak clearly , look the camera in the eye , look the people in the eye and know that you're saying something , you're delivering something that's important , that's well-informed and that you're very confident about . So that is number three , that you know how to command a stage . Number four this is important .

If you look at leading ladies across their acting career listen , if you've read any stories on Meryl Streep , on Jennifer Aniston , on any of them they know how to roll with the setbacks .

It is an unkind industry , I think , for men and women , but probably especially women , and anyone who's been in the limelight knows how to roll with it right , not only during the good times , not only when they're in the amazing movie and getting all the great press and on the covers of all the magazines . But they know how to deal with rejection .

They know how to deal with casting directors who are telling them you need to lose 15 pounds , even if they really don't , or you look too old for the role or whatever mean things they get told , and they do get told many mean things in that industry because it's a lot about their visual persona . It's about way more than that .

But that's the first gate and it would be devastating to just hear rejection after rejection .

I read an article on Jennifer Aniston at the beginning of her career and I guess she was told really mean things that she just was too heavy and all that kind of stuff , and while that's not necessarily helpful and even true , it's part of that industry , so I'm not really trying to make a comment on that .

What I am saying , though , is more from her perspective , she could have just quit right . She could have said there's nothing wrong with me because there wasn't .

She could have gone into a different part of the entertainment industry not in front of the camera , or she could have done anything else with her life , because she seems like a really smart person and all that kind of stuff . But she didn't .

She wanted to do what she did , and so she stayed with it , and she dusted herself off , and she did casting call after casting call , and then she , of course , won the friends thing , but that changed her entire life . And now look at her .

She's now in her early fifties and she's still doing amazing things , like I love her morning show on Apple Like she just never stops .

So my point here is that , for any leading ladies that have had any type of career of longevity , or just even anyone who puts themselves out there in any way in that industry , I have to say they're very gritty and resilient . It takes self-belief , it takes gumption . Listen to those words like backbone , grit , guts , moxie , spunk , courage .

That's what gumption embodies and we all need that . Think about your own life .

If you're someone who maybe is struggling right now in your career , maybe you're in one of these firms that has downsized through no fault of your own and you find yourself questioning yourself like your own value , your own self-worth , and whether or not , if you're of a certain age , at midlife , whether you'll find another role that's as good as the one you're in

. You have to channel that gumption , that leading lady energy that actresses have to have and actors , I guess , too . You're going to get rejection . It might take you 50 interviews before you get the yes . You're going to have to contend with failure in your career .

Even if you are a lady , you're going to have to deal with a bad performance , like some actresses do . You might be a great actress , but , like I watched , I can't remember what it was . I watched a Meryl Streep movie from back in the nineties and it was not good and I don't think I would have ever said that about a Meryl Streep movie .

It wasn't even a well-known movie it was about I can't remember the name of it now , but it was about something about her son was accused of committing a murder of his girlfriend . It turns out it was all an accident , but it was a bad performance and a bad movie and yet she came back from that to do many other Oscar winning things .

So you have to roll with it is . The lesson to take from the leading ladies is that they know how to deal with setbacks and rejection and a bad performance or failure .

And they still get up and they do it again because they love what they do and they believe in themselves and they know that next time is a good time to show that they actually are a world-class actress and they are determined . No matter what flop they just might've come out with , the commercial flop , the next movie can have them on the Oscar stage .

So that's leading lady energy . You know how to deal with setbacks , rejection and failure . That's number four and number five . A leading lady knows her worth and asks for what she wants .

In the entertainment industry , I would imagine that is about not only going for the big role , not shying away from it like if you're just coming off of a failure or a rejection , like you're throwing your hat back in the ring and you believe that you have the ability to bring that home to get the offer , to get the role .

Knowing your worth is about negotiating well , Like granted , she has the benefit of doing that through an agent , whereas those of us in corporate usually don't . If you're in the higher ranks , I know some executives have hired attorneys to do their contract negotiation for them , but most of us don't have that . We have to do it ourselves .

But still , do you accept the first offer , do you accept the lowball offer or do you say no , like ? I've done my research . I know what people in this get paid in general in the marketplace . I know what they're paying other people at that position in a range and I'm going to demand more because I know I can and I know I'm worth it .

Right , you ask for what you want . If you are outperforming everyone at work and you know it and your boss knows it and you've had some of those roles but you're still not getting the proactive promotion . If you're coming up , like many people are on review season , now's the time to start positioning yourself and asking for what you want .

You may not get it , but there is no harm in asking . And that's about telling your story , that's about owning your narrative .

That's about honestly , knowing your value , your strengths and your weaknesses and comparing yourself in a dispassionate way to those who are also at your level who's delivering the most value on the most consistent basis and looking at that next level up and saying how close am I to that ? Not in a self-delusional way , but in as accurate a way as you can .

And if we all put our ego aside , we're all capable of looking at a situation realistically . But even if you're told no , you still need to know and own your self-worth . You still need to know and own your self-worth .

If your company doesn't see that in you but you truly have done the math and done the comparisons and you see it in you , you're ready for that next level , then there's no harm . If you've asked and they've said no , not this year or no , I don't see you ever in that .

It's time maybe to start looking at a different company , one where you really can bring your full force and receive the full benefit for doing that . And that is about just never wavering , never letting a previous disappointment or a previous poor performance on your part permanently keep you on the sidelines .

This is about knowing your worth relative to your peers and asking for what you want and not being afraid to do that . So those are five ways that you can channel leading lady energy . I just want to run through those really quick again . Number one the leading lady is comfortable center stage so she does not shy from the spotlight .

Number two she knows her lines , so she's prepared would be the analogy and she's clear and confident in her delivery of those lines . That's you and your role in corporate right or your business . Number three she knows how to command a stage .

So this is about her presence and the way she carries herself and the way she enters a room and the way she expresses herself through every part of her being , not only her eye contact and her posture , but how she puts herself together . You know her style , her manner of speaking , her tone , all of it . That is about commanding a stage . Be the leading lady .

That's number three . And number four she knows how to deal with setbacks , or roll with it , because we all know life and career and business it's a series of highs and lows . It's not linear . There's always some kind of fork in the road ahead that we're all having to deal with all the time , and so you just need to be able to roll with it .

Even if there's a disappointment , a failure , a setback , rejection , pick yourself up and believe in yourself and take it in stride . Don't be afraid to throw your hat in the ring again for the next big thing that comes along . Don't make it mean anything about you . And number five you ask for what you want .

A leading lady asks for what she wants , even if she's coming off a failure or a setback or bad performance . She knows her worth , she stands tall in that self-belief and she's not afraid to ask for what she wants , whether it's the big role or whether it's the big salary . And the same can be true for you .

So those are the lessons , and it is all summed up in what Arthur from the movie the Holiday calls gumption the ability to decide the best thing to do in a particular situation and have the energy and determination to do it . I want to leave you with one last thought .

If you were going to demonstrate gumption in your life , that feeling right , all of those words I read off , those are emotions , and we know that emotions come from your thoughts , not from the circumstances that you find yourself in . So if you were going to channel those words and that emotion , what kinds of things would you have to be thinking about yourself ?

That is a very interesting self-coaching exercise that you could do . How well are you channeling gumption ? What are the thoughts you have now and what emotions are they creating ? And how close are those emotions to the gumption words ? How gritty do you feel ? How much backbone do you think you have ?

How much moxie do you demonstrate on a regular basis fortitude , strength of mind , all of that and then start with that emotion and say , if I was going to feel that , what would I have to think about myself ? What would I have to think about myself ? What would I have to believe about myself ?

That's a very interesting reversal and way into what it would take for you to actually step into leading lady energy in your life . So the last thing I'll say is if you have not watched the Holiday , please watch it . It is very charming . Love Kate Winslet always , but she's fantastic in this movie and Jack Black is playing against type .

He's actually playing the romantic lead for her and it works . They're adorable together . So it's a very fun , feel good movie about a woman who learns how to step into her power and her life , and she does it beautifully and you can do the same . So with that I'll leave you till next time . Make it a great week . My friends , do you have a life coach ?

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Join me and together we'll make your career in life everything you dream of . We'll see you there .