Ep 207: How to Get Going Again When Life Feels Stalled

It's about having the clarity , self-confidence and unstoppable belief to go after and get everything you want . If you'll come with me , I'll show you how Well . Hello , friends . I hope you had an amazing week . This week we are going to talk about something that builds off of last week's episode . In last .

This week we are going to talk about something that builds off of last week's episode . In last week's episode , we talked about managing through the peaks and valleys that inevitably occur at midlife in our career , in our life , kind of everywhere , and this week we're going to talk about what it means to be at a plateau .

We sort of hit on the notion of a plateau in last week's episode , but sometimes we can find ourselves in a place where our life is just where it is and it stays that way for a prolonged period of time , and so this week's episode is going to hit on how do you move past that , how do you take a set of actions or have a specific mindset that will break

you through that plateau so you can move forward in the direction you want to go . So enjoy this week's episode on how to break through a plateau .

Today I want to talk about something that builds off of last week's episode , so if you haven't listened to that , you might want to go back and give that a listen , because in that we were talking about peaks and valleys and how our life is a never ending series of those , and while I don't know if you're anything like me , you would just love for life to

be a never ending series of ever ascending peaks . Right , it's all good times , everything's amazing , and we never have to deal with the darker side of life .

But what we talked about in last week's episode is that actually it's those two things that are the fabric of our life that give our life meaning , and really it's the down cycles of life that help us really understand more about who we are and who we want to be and what we actually want .

And so in between those down cycles or those valleys , we have these peaks that when you look at them , in contrast to what you just came out of during a challenging time , it makes life sweeter . So , really , the peaks and the valleys are by design . It's part of the human experience and we can't avoid it .

But sometimes we will go through prolonged periods that are more about plateauing and it can be a more positive plateau or it could be a really negative plateau that we find ourselves in . It can be either one of those things , but I want to talk about that today because at midlife a lot of us spend our time there .

We are in a plateau , we are stalled a little bit , we don't move forward . We focus more on just sort of living with the series of decisions that we've made in our past that have led us here , and now we're just coasting , you know , and I think it's natural to do that for a while .

But I don't feel like that is a good place to stay for any period of time , because when we're plateaued for a long period of time and think about it in the context of weight loss , if you're trying to lose , let's just say , 20 pounds or you're just going back to the gym and you're trying to kind of hit your fitness goals and you do okay for a while ,

but then you hit this plateau and it's like nothing you do moves you off of it . You cannot shed another pound . You know you don't see any changes in the fitness of your body If you're going to the gym . That's not a great place to be , and I feel like the equivalent of that can happen in any other part of our life .

It can happen in our career , where you know we hit this period of time and maybe we've hit a level and a level of income where we're comfortable and we just kind of get lost in the comfort of that level . Or in our personal life , in our relationship , we just get comfortable . It may not be exactly what we want .

We may have fallen into some bad habits , maybe we're in not a great time with our partner and we may not be happy about that , but we're not really willing to do anything to change it either . So we just sort of coast .

And sometimes those periods happen for a short period of time , but too often that period can become years , decades or even the rest of our life , and I want to talk about that today . I want to talk about plateauing and why does it happen and what gets us there and how do we get ourselves out of it if that is a place that we find ourselves today .

So let's go ahead and dive in . So the first thing I want to talk about is how do we get there ? We can all arrive in that place for a different set of circumstances . Like I said , it can happen in any part of our life .

So there's so many different ways and things that can happen that can push us into this place where we're coasting , where we kind of I sort of think of it as taking our hands off the steering wheel of our life , letting off the gas a little bit . We're just sort of coasting , you know , and we're just going with the flow .

It just feels too hard to put any more effort into it . Maybe we've had a series of disappointments and we just feel like now here we are at midlife and we're not really sure what else life might have for us . So I feel like a plateau in any part of our life happens for one specific reason at the root , and that is about our mindset .

If we're plateauing , we have settled in , and you have to double click into that and say , well , why have I settled in If I'm not happy with where I'm at in my career , like it's okay but it's not great , and I have more bad days than I have good days . Why are you settling for that Same thing in your relationship ?

If you and your partner are in this sort of dance of anger , or you've retreated to neutral corners and you don't really spend a lot of time with each other that happens too often to couples at midlife why are you doing that ? Why are you settling for that ? That's a mindset . You settling for that ? That's a mindset .

There's something in your patterns of thought that's telling yourself something , probably like it's too late . What's the point ? I don't know if there's anything better for me out there . That is the series of thoughts that lead to you coasting , settling in , trying to just sort of hang on . And I just want to talk to you today about that mindset .

We all can find ourselves there in any part of our life . Like I said , with a fitness journey , with a relationship , with a career , with a business any part of our life we can find ourselves there . Sometimes it shows up in our finances where we just pile on this debt and then we end up in this financial situation .

That's not great , but we're not really willing to take a look at it and do the hard work of kind of digging ourselves out . I feel like midlife is the time where we're more prone to this . Granted , sometimes it happens when we're much younger .

For some people it's older , but the vast majority of us will wake up at some point in the middle part of our journey and we will think why have I been here for so long ?

And even when we think that sometimes we just have that thought and then we just set it aside and go right back to living the same way and I believe it's 100% mindset it's the things that we tell ourselves , no matter how old

we are . So , even if we were not midlife , even if we're at the earlier stage of our career journey , sometimes it's the people around us and the environment that we're in that convinces us that there's just no point in trying because the world is against us .

There's this victim , it's too late , I don't have what it takes kind of self-doubt , lack of self-confidence , lack of self-confidence , lack of self-worth , maybe doubting whether you're good enough . That's at the root of why we stay in a plateau .

Because think about it for a minute If you were not in that place , if you were looking at your life like we talked about at the end of last week's podcast we were talking about like life is a choose your own adventure .

And if you were living that way and really owning that and truly believe that , and you were just constantly sort of trying to raise the bar in different areas of your life , if you were constantly setting ever more exciting goals , stretching yourself , going after it , gaining the new skills , gaining the new self-confidence to step into whatever those new goals are ,

you're not going to be plateaued , because you're going to be trying to climb and in the climbing you'll experience successes and failures . Trying to climb , and in the climbing , you'll experience successes and failures . You'll , you know , take a few steps forward and take a few steps back , but the point is you're not focused on hanging on .

You're focused on what you want to do next .

So if you're in a place where , in any part of your life , you feel like it's gone on too long , I want you to first do something a little different than what I usually tell you to do , because usually what I'll tell you to do is go within and get clear on that , but I want to talk about it through a slightly different lens today .

I'm going to ask you to do that , but first , what I want you to do is consider taking yourself out of your daily routines . If you can take some time off work , take some time away by yourself , even if it's just a weekend . You don't have to go across the country , you don't have to go to Europe , you don't have to do anything expensive .

You know , if you're in a large metropolitan area , go , stay in a luxury hotel . Put yourself in a different environment , in a different set of surroundings . Take yourself out of your day-to-day and the day-to-day interactions that you had , the routines of your day , the environments that you're typically in .

Go somewhere completely different , somewhere that inspires you . Do something an Airbnb or a hotel that really shakes things up , that's really up-leveled , you know , might be a little on the more luxurious side , someplace that's got a nice view and that nice linens and is just a beautiful place to be . And why would I ask you to do that ?

Because it shakes things up . So it's one thing to sit in the context of your regular life , with the regular routines of your day and the regular sounds of the day and the regular people and the regular mayhem in the house in the morning and the regular routines of the office . It's one thing to try to do it there and you can have some degree of success .

But the real reset can happen if you just lift yourself out of your life and give yourself a week , a weekend , to get away by yourself , not with anyone else , and do some inner work . It is good for the soul . It is really good for the soul . It is really good for the soul .

And changing your outside environment can do more to change or even reveal to you what your mindset patterns have been that got you into the plateau . So make sure that when you're removing yourself from your routines you're up leveling in some way that's meaningful to you . It doesn't have to speak to anyone else , it needs to be something that speaks to you .

For me , there are certain cities that do that . I love going to San Diego . I think that everyone should live in San Diego . It's the most beautiful place you know and there's probably a place like that for you . There's a couple of other ones for me , but that's at the top of the list , right ?

So sometimes when I'm looking for inspiration , that is where I go and I'll get an Airbnb and I just kind of go to my favorite places and I have some quiet time and I do some reassessment .

And it's funny because even from the time I get on the plane and I'm going there , it's funny because even from the time I get on the plane and I'm going there , you start to kind of exit the plateau because you've changed something material in your daily habits and that's the key .

So that's number one thing I want you to do If you find yourself there in any part of your life look for some time off , even if it's just a long weekend , ideally a week and think about the things that speak to you . Where would you go ? Don't fill it up with TV time . Don't fill it up with busy sightseeing activities .

Don't fill it up with lots of people . You can have some of that If you're going to a place you know , where you know you've got friends or people you want to connect with . But make sure you've got plenty of time for you , because that's what this is about . So that's the number one thing is get out of your daily routine .

Okay , number two while you're in that place where you've lifted yourself out of your everyday , I do want you to take a look before you get into your mindset . I want you to take a look at how you spend your time in your day , and I would say the lens on this is in what area or areas are you stuck ? Maybe it's everywhere , right .

Maybe you're stuck in how you care for yourself . Maybe you're stuck in your relationship . Maybe you're stuck at work . Maybe you're . Maybe you're stuck across the board , or maybe it's just in one area where you feel like everything else is pretty good but you're stalled in your career .

Everything else is pretty good , but your relationship with your spouse is what you want it to be . Whatever area , if it's multiple , that's fine . Just take it one by one . I want you to think about it .

And I want you to think about okay , well , what are the things that go on every day , like , what does an average day look like and what is your part of that look like on a day-to-day basis ? And what I mean by that is how are you showing up ? Are you , from you know , a daily habit perspective ? Are you showing up as your very best self ?

And this is every facet of that self , and this is every facet of that , from the way you put yourself together to the mindset that you have when you tackle your daily work , or the mindset that you have when you're interacting with your spouse or your children , or even like your daily habits .

This is about like , how well do you structure your eating protocol and schedule time at the gym and how well are you living up to that Like ? I want you to look at it and be honest with yourself , not just focusing on the bad things that might've happened or the challenges that get thrown your way , but really , first and foremost , how do you show up ?

Because I can tell you like , even during the worst times of our life , if we decide to show up as our very best , despite whatever headwinds we're facing , we're not going to plateau .

We might still be in a at a low point for a while just because of the circumstances of our life , but if our mindset is not down in the valley but actually focused on the next peak , you're going to get there much quicker than wallowing and getting stalled in kind of a down cycle . That's not where any of us want to find ourselves .

So as you lift yourself out of your environment , which is number one , number two , I want you to spend a ton of time getting really honest about your daily habits . How do you show up ? How do you present yourself to the world , how do you take care of yourself , how do you represent yourself , how do you articulate , how do you tackle your job ?

How do you do all of it ? Because even if everything sucks right now , you can still put yourself together really well . You can still focus on being your very best inside the challenge of that situation , and I would say it's worth it . This is your life .

So we're all going to face headwinds , we're all going to face tough times , but we can decide that , no matter how tough the time , we are going to show up as our very best .

And I think a lot of times , if we find ourselves in a prolonged period of a plateau whether it's a super negative one or we're just coasting off of a good time it's because we're not really doing the things that we want to do to kind of keep moving ourselves forward . We're just sort of settling for the mundane , we're settling for coasting .

And if we're doing that , that leads to number three . I want you to get clear on what you're thinking . Whatever the answer to number two was , whatever was revealed to you , and how well or not well you're showing up as it relates to your daily habits , I want you to think about , in number three what is the mindset that you are dealing with every day ?

Because if you're not rising to the occasion of your day in the best possible way , the best way that you can , you're doing that because you don't feel great .

And you don't feel great because of whatever it is you're thinking and that gets to some of the things that I was talking about earlier , to some of the things that I was talking about earlier Uniquely , at midlife , many times , especially during the down cycles , when we face some headwinds especially if there's a series of those maybe coming at you from all sides ,

because sometimes that happens right , it's like we can tell ourselves there's just no point

. Right , it's too late , I made all these bad decisions . It's too late for me to make my relationship decisions . It's too late for me to make my relationship better . It's too late for me to go out and get a better job . It's too late for me to change career paths . It's too late for me to lose the weight . It's too late for me to get in shape .

It's too late for me to change my financial picture , like , whatever it is . It's too late is usually at the heart of the midlife malaise .

Right , and I'm here to tell you midlife can be the time when you refire into your second half , where you get recharged , where you get re-inspired , where you decide what you want to do next , how you might want to reinvent what you decide you know might be possible for you , whether or not you want to climb to an ever higher peak .

Or midlife can be a time where you just give up , where you stop even rowing towards the shore , where you just kind of put your paddles down in the boat and just coast , and I just don't think that's ever a good idea . Even at the very end of our life and we're all going to get there .

Even at the very end of our life , and we're all going to get there I think like that's not a very interesting way to live . You know we are here for such a short period of time . I mean sometimes in the mundane of our everyday it can seem like you know , an endless , like slog through life .

But I'm here to say like life isn't forever and , as someone who lost both their parents over the course of a year last year , it all comes home , you know , and you realize .

I realized what a great life my parents had , but it made me very cognizant of my own life and I took a hard look at how I was approaching certain things and made some really big decisions .

And I'm on this journey , which is the start of a really big pivot in my life , and I'm very excited about that journey and this business is a part of it , for sure , but it's a very multi-dimensional journey for me and that all kind of came to light and I just realized when I was caring for my parents .

I realized how many parts of my life I had I don't know , like I don't want to say diminished but I hadn't paid attention to because I was so focused myopically on my career .

And career for me is definitely a place that is meaningful , like I've really enjoyed my corporate career I mean , not every minute of it , because it certainly has its challenges at times , but I love what I do and I feel like I've met so many interesting people and I've got to be a part of so many interesting things .

And you know , sometimes I do allow my , when I'm feeling malaise , I do allow myself to look back on the things that I've accomplished and realize how far I've come and that , more than anything , if you find yourself stalled in a place where I don't know . You just don't feel like there's any point . You don't feel like you've got it in you to keep trying .

Or you feel like you've faced such a steady stream of disappointment or challenge that you're just not sure that you can get up again and try . One of the best ways to get out of that mindset is to actually look back to the very beginning .

To the very beginning , to your family of origin , to the beginning of your career or , if it's a challenge , with your relationship , to the beginning of your journey together and look how far you've come , even if your life doesn't look exactly the way you want it to be .

I will say it's very , very gratifying to look back with eyes of appreciation , not blame , not judgment , not negativity towards yourself , but just to really look at yourself as a child and imagine how that five-year-old would look at where you are now .

Sometimes I do that If I am not feeling great , I think well , five-year-old Carla would be pretty in awe of how far I've come , how many cities I lived in , the things I've achieved in my career , the salary that I earn , the car that I drive , the house that I have , the friends that I've made . Five-year-old Carla would be pretty in awe of that .

And if you're having a hard time feeling good about where you are , that is a really great exercise to go through . How would your five-year-old self feel about you right now and everything that you've achieved

? So when you think about where you are and you feel this malaise and you think it's too late , or you think what's the point ? Or I've tried before , it's not going to work , or whatever it is you're telling yourself I want to tell you it's a decision you can coast for the rest of , but I'm going to tell you I don't think that's why you're here .

You have something to offer in every area of your life and you deserve to have a life that looks exactly the way you want it to look and that's going to require you to shift out of the things you're telling yourself that got you to the plateau and choose a new set of thoughts around what's possible for you .

That not only is it not too late , but it's exactly the right time . That not only is it not too late to make a big pivot . Really , all of the experiences of your life have prepared you exactly for that pivot . So I think it's just a different decision , it's a different lens that you just decide to look at life through .

No one can convince you of that except yourself . And yes , I know that by the time we get to midlife , there's all kinds of things that we've struggled through and you may be in the middle of it right now and , like I said , you may be getting it from all sides and some days it might feel like it's just too much .

But the way to get out of that is just to say you know what . It has been a tough time , but it isn't too late and I'm just getting started and , while that can sound like a cliche , that is a mindset and that is a mindset that you need if you want to start refiring into what's next , into a life that is more of what you want .

That is about possibilities . That is about you achieving the best possible outcome for yourself in every area of your life , and I believe that's possible at any age , no matter where you are , no matter what challenges you're facing and no matter how many times you've tried and fallen down .

I'm just going to tell you get up , dust yourself off , pick a new thought and start moving towards it , and that is number four . Once you have , number one , lifted yourself out of your daily routine . You've moved yourself to a different place . You're out of your daily things . You're in your place of inspiration , wherever that is for you .

And , number two , you've started to assess the daily habits that got you stuck in the first place . What are all those routines that you follow day in and day out , and how well are you showing up in every area of your life ?

Once you look at that and you're honest with yourself about that Number three , I want you to take a look at where's the mindset that got you there , into those daily habits . What got you stuck in the first place ? And then , number four , I want you to start moving , but not just in any direction . I want you to set a goal .

I want you to find one thing that speaks to you . So , even if , like , every part of your life is a bit of a challenge right now , stop to think about you 10 years from now . Where would you be if you were in such an amazing place ? What would your life look like ? And start to paint that picture Like where would you be financially ?

Where would you be in your career or your business ? Where would you be in a relationship . Where would you be in terms of how you show up physically in the world ? Look at all of it and then pick one thing from that menu to focus on . Don't focus on all of it .

Pick one thing , the thing that you care about the most , the thing that you think will do the most to move you forward , and focus on that . Set a goal that's very tangible and specific and get that in your mind . Specific and get that in your mind , let yourself understand kind of what that is . And then , number five I want you to start moving towards it .

That means keep that front and center in your mind and focus on your everyday . And I want you to orchestrate , you know , go back to those habits that we talked about in number two , and I want you to orchestrate a new set of habits , because it is the things we do day in and day out that ultimately create our life . That is what does it .

The things that you do or don't do are why you are where you are Granted . It all starts with a mindset , what you believe is possible , but that leads to the emotion that you feel , and the emotion that you feel will determine whether or not you show up the way you want to show up and you do the things you say you want to do .

So , when you start moving towards it , I want you to do that through a set of structured habits . Look at the way you're showing up today in relationship to that goal that you picked , and then I want you to find a new way , a new set of daily habits that you can exercise Little things that you do day in and day out that are going to move you forward .

If it's a weight loss goal , the nutrition that you give yourself , the way you schedule in your activities and the way you do that day in and day out will move you there , and it will be supported by an empowered mindset and a determination to stay with it right .

If it's a financial goal , look at your spending habits , the way you were showing up before in your life maybe running up debt or not paying down debt or whatever the issue is and then I want you to look at okay , what do you need to change there ? If it's going to look completely different in 10 years , right .

And then it's that daily routine that is going to change your life . The plateau is gone now when you change the things that you do every day . The outcome of every day changes .

So that is my advice to you If you find yourself in a plateau , five steps to take , and it's really important , I will say , to not try to do this from the construct of your everyday . If there's any way at all to even give yourself a day or a weekend or an overnight stay in a place that inspires you , do it .

And if you don't have that luxury , here's some alternatives , because this is really important stuff .

At a minimum , take a day off of work and go find the most beautiful surroundings in your community a park , the lobby of a beautiful luxury hotel , gorgeous restaurants and I want you to spend at least a couple of hours in that environment and do the five steps that I talked about .

If you can't give yourself the luxury of days away , at least give yourself the luxury of some hours away .

Changing your environment is so important , because that's the environment that you're in , is where you're plateaued , and when you leave it , even if it's just for a couple of hours , and go someplace completely different I'm not talking about down the street to your neighborhood Starbucks that you go in every day .

I'm talking about the other side of town , in the lobby of the Ritz Carlton , whatever it is somewhere beautiful and luxurious that looks different , that looks up level that lifts you out of your life .

And spend the time going through those five steps figure out what you want and structure the new set of daily habits and routines that are going to move you in that direction and believe , first and foremost , that doesn't matter what headwinds you face or how long you've been at the plateau or how old you are has no bearing on it .

The only thing that matters is that you decide where you're going and that you then put in the effort to go get it . That's it . That is the secret . So that is what I wanted to talk to you about today as it relates to plateaus . I hope you found these five steps helpful and with that I'll leave you till next time . Make it a great week .

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