Ep 204: Unlocking Success - The Transformative Power of Daily Habits

It's about having the clarity , self-confidence and unstoppable belief to go after and get everything you want . If you'll come with me , I'll show you how Well . Hello , friends . I hope you had an amazing week .

We're going to continue on with our refreshed episode series and this time we're talking about goals and the achievement of goals , but maybe through a slightly different perspective than what you're used to . I think when we focus on goals , a lot of us are focused on the set of things that we have to go do , big and small , in order to achieve that goal .

But one of the reasons why it's hard for us to achieve the goal and , I think , even harder to maintain that goal is because we fail , most of us , to really get that in order to have something different than what you have today , you actually have to be someone different than who you are today , and that it's the summation of all of the , basically the way

you live your life , like how you spend your time in big ways and in small ways . That adds up to whether or not where you are is aligned with what you really want , and isn't that really what goals are ?

Goals are saying , hey , I want a next level , I want to go to the next level , or I want to be somewhere else , and that just tells you right there that it's not necessarily as simple as just going to check the boxes and doing the things that will lead you there .

It's about what are all the things you're going to have to do with consistency over time in order to not only get there but stay there . And who is that person who actually has that collection of habits , the daily things that you do with consistency that will lead you where you want to go .

So this is an interesting episode and I think you're going to find it helpful . So enjoy this episode on habits . So I wanted to talk about today what I think the key to the whole thing is when it comes to staying with the things that you want to go do in your life , or the life that you want to create . You know , because that's what goals are right .

We're basically saying there's certain parts of our life that we're not satisfied with completely and that we want to up-level , and so we set these goals , and we've done a couple of episodes on one of the things that I think is particularly helpful when it comes to goals , and that is setting your kind of word of the year .

But now I want to take it a little bit deeper and I want to talk about the real beauty of it when it comes to the goals .

So , yes , it's a focus and a filter , but I want to step back for a minute and I want to say okay , when you think about the goals that you set or the areas of your life that you're trying to next level , why are you doing that ?

Well , like I said , you're doing it because there's something about it that you want to change or you want to raise the bar , whatever it is . Well , let's think for a moment about why you are where you are in that particular area , and the answer is the same for all of us .

We are where we are in any given area of our life because of the daily actions that we take , how we show up . So it's those things that we do day in and day out that create our life . Another word for that is habits .

So I would say it's the things we do day in , day out , on repeat , over and over and over again , that are either creating a life that we want or creating a life that's less than what we wish it was .

So it's about habits , and I don't know about you , but when I think about my goals , like in the past , I've thought about them as okay , you know , I'm here , I want to go here , so here are the ways I'm going to bridge that . And so I think about the big things that I need to change . But I think sometimes we get undermined .

I think many times we get undermined . Even if we do those things , those bigger actions that we say we need to go do , sometimes we get undermined by the daily habits that we have that are still very entrenched , and so you think about it . Let's just use an example here .

If you're trying to , let's just say , one of your big goals for the year is to get fit , but you want to be really in shape , big goals for the year is to get fit , so you want to be really in shape and let's pretend like maybe you were 15 years ago and for a variety of reasons , you're just not where you want to be anymore .

So let's just use that . Well , most people would be doing two things They'd be very focused on the outcome of being fit right , and they'd be talking to themselves all the time about how they need to go work out . Or they might be like trying to follow a specific diet protocol yes , but when you do those things , here's the problem .

It relies on you to have this level of motivation that's going to have you consistently eating with discipline and consistently visiting the gym with discipline , even though your mindset and sort of your natural way of showing up isn't consistent with that yet . Because if it was , you wouldn't have to work to be fit .

You would already be fit , because you would be the woman who's fit . And a woman who's fit is actually a woman who's eating with certain level of discipline and moving and working out her body with a certain level of discipline and consistency , and those two things make you a fit woman .

So where I'm going with this is that one of the things to look at related to your goals . So let's pretend you've got . Like me , I have four big goals in four different areas of my life , all about next leveling . Well , right now , if one of my goals is style .

I'm not like being stylish and putting that amount of time and effort into it is not the person I've been being . I've been being someone who you know I'll have two or three go-tos and they're fine . It's not the stylish me that I intend to be .

So just going on e-commerce sites or looking for the right set of clothes or whatever isn't really going to solve the problem . I need to , on a daily basis , be focused on a new set of habits , and those habits are very entrenched .

So one of my habits is oh , I've got these two or three go-tos in my personal life and my work life and that's what I gravitate to . I feel comfortable in those clothes . They look fine , right ? I just went on a trip this weekend .

I took one of my go-tos with me , you know , and it's like that's not what I want to do anymore and even the types of clothes that I'm used to wearing to do anymore , and even the types of clothes that I'm used to wearing .

I have certain brands , I have certain things that I look for , certain silhouettes , you know , certain accessory pieces , and those are the things that I naturally gravitate to . Those are my spending habits when it comes to what I put in my closet . Certain colors I like black , I like gray , I like solids and I like more neutral , classic colors .

Nothing wrong with that . But if I want to have an elevated wardrobe , I can't use the same lens when I'm starting to make some investment and purchase decisions .

I need to first establish an entirely new set of habits around how I think about putting together a wardrobe , so that I don't just find myself back where I am today , which is with a bunch of pieces . That that's where I was before I cleaned out my closet .

They didn't necessarily all go together right , so I had a limited repertoire of things that worked together because I didn't purchase the wardrobe in that way .

So what I need to do first is to say , okay , well , I've got to undo these habits around how I think about clothes and how I spend money around clothes , and I need to first become the woman who plans what a stylish wardrobe looks like . And before I do that , I need to make some decisions around well , what's my style going to be now ?

You know not what it was before , and until I make those decisions , I'm just going to default to the old habits that I have . So what I'm telling you is that before you can achieve that goal that you have , whatever the goal is in , whatever area of your life it's in , you have to first identify , related to that thing , what are the habits you have .

That got you here in the first place . Right , that's kind of the first thing you have to do , and that's why I'm not running out and just replacing the things in my closet , because if I did , it would just be the same kind of stuff I already had , so I may as well just kept it . You know , I don't want to make decisions in the same way .

I want them to be intentional about the style , the color , the cut , the brand , and I want to make decisions to make sure that the things that I buy can work together in different ways , so that I have a wardrobe that the sum is bigger than its parts .

You know that it all works together in some way where it needs to , and it didn't , because I didn't buy with that lens , if that makes sense . So what I'm trying to say is you've got to take each one of your goals and identify what are the habits that you have . So , if one of yours is fitness , how do you eat every day ?

Are you drinking all the water you need to drink ? How are you scheduling your workouts and are those workouts on the calendar ? And if the workouts are on a calendar , do you follow your calendar or do you let other things come first ?

Right , if your goal is around , you know saving more money what are your habits around spending and what got you to a place where you actually feel you need to change something about that ?

So you've got to look for all of the things , big and small , that you do with consistency , day in and day out , around that goal that has gotten you to the place that you don't want to be or that you want to change , or up-level .

That has to be identified first , because if you don't change those things and you try to layer on top of it bigger action steps that are more sweeping in nature , you will default back into the habits , because you still have those habits . A habit is ingrained patterns of behavior that you do over and , over and over again . Right ?

And what do we say about where actions come from ? They come from how you feel , and how you feel comes from how you think .

So the word of the year is so valuable because once you identify all of the tiny little habits that you have that are pushing against you , you know the things that you need to do differently and the new habits you need to develop to replace all of those actions that you take with consistency that got you where you don't want to be right , because now you need

to establish new habits , tiny little micro actions that you do day in and day out over the next year that are going to gradually , one degree of change at a time , one degree of change at a time , lead you to , you know , 180 degree turn if you need to make it , you know that are going to completely upend your life in the best possible way .

So once you identify what all those little habits are that got you where you are right now , back to your word of the year .

Well , those habits are there because of who you were being . Who you were being was a person who thought in a certain way and then therefore felt a certain emotion and therefore took a certain set of actions .

So if I look at my style desire , just I'll keep going back to that example because I think it's a good one because of the way that I bought clothes in a disjointed manner . Well and individually , they were all very stylish and some of them were quite expensive , but it's like they still didn't go together right . And so who was I being ?

I was being a woman who said I don't have time for this crap , right , I don't have time to think about it , I don't have time to worry about it , I just want to have a nice piece of clothing that I can wear when I need to wear it . You know , that's who I was being .

I was being a woman who didn't care enough to put a strategy in place around my wardrobe . I hate to say it , but that's the truth and because of that , I spent way more money than I needed to spend on clothes that I never wore , that I ended up giving away some with text along , and that's not who I want to be anymore .

So some would say well , just go out . Now you've weeded out your closet , just go out and buy some really stylish clothes .

Go look on Instagram or Pinterest or something like that , and just go buy a bunch of things that all go together and it's like or Pinterest or something like that , and just go buy a bunch of things that all go together and it's like sounds good , but I don't think it's really that easy . It isn't how my mind makes decisions . Today .

I have a lot of years of . I don't have time for this crap thought around , style to undo , and it means that I can't just go out and make a completely set of different set of decisions that have a turnout .

Well , you know , and I just don't want to , I want to be very intentional about it , because when I waited out , my closet became very clear to me that I was not being intentional about it at all . You know , and you know , someone else is benefiting from that , which is fine . There was a good outcome for someone else , but not for me . Really .

You know , it was just a lot of wasted money and a closet jammed full of things that just didn't quite work together . The silhouettes were off , like it just didn't work , you know . And so the first thing that I have to do before I spend one penny is I have to start thinking like the stylish woman that I plan to become , so I have to be her first .

And you might say well , how are you going to do that ? Well , I'm going to figure out . What does style mean to me ? That's what I'm working on . What does it mean now ? Not 10 years ago , not 20 years ago , like ? What does it mean now ? What do I admire ? What do I think will look good on my particular body ? Like , and who do I want to be ?

What do I want it to say about me ? Like , am I more classic ? Am I more trendy ? Like all of that stuff that I've never spent five seconds thinking about because I just didn't . I don't guess I didn't care , I did care , but I just wanted it to magically work because I didn't want to quote , unquote waste time on it .

I hate to say it , like , some of you out there are probably really curating your wardrobe and I admire you , so I'm not trying to diss it , I'm just saying it was not where I put my time and effort and I don't like that for me anymore . So I'm trying to , before I spend any money , I'm trying to define what does a stylish Carla look like now ?

Again , not 10 years ago . What does she look like now ?

And I don't have the answer to that yet , but when I do , and I'm sort of putting together mood pieces and a vibe and I'm just trying to figure out , oh , yes , no , yes , you know , and once I figure that out , then I need to start thinking about okay , well , how does she think about putting together a wardrobe that's inspired by like that vibe ?

How does that work ? I might be doing that , or I might get the help of a stylist , I don't know . But what I don't want to do is what I used to do , which is , oh , I see this piece and this is fabulous , and oh , I see this piece , and then nothing ever goes together and it's just . It's just a wardrobe that doesn't serve me .

So it's a very specific example , but the same thing holds true whether you have a finance goal , or a fitness goal , or a relationship goal , or , you know , a career goal or a business goal , anything , it's all the same .

You have to first identify all of the habits you're taking with consistency , all the micro actions you do or don't do every single day that has gotten you to a place that you're taking with consistency , all the micro actions you do or don't do every single day that has gotten you to a place that you're looking to change .

And then you need to get consistent with okay , well , if these are all the things I do and don't do every day , why am I doing or not doing those things . What am I thinking that gets me there ? That's what you have to undo first . And if your word of the year , like mine , is elevated , you want to elevate in some way .

It's like okay for whatever that goal is , how do you elevate that ? How do you show up as the most ? Insert your word in the sentence blank version of yourself , wealthy version of yourself , stylish version of yourself , whatever your goal is , fit version of yourself . How do you show up as that ? You have to define first what is that to you Like ?

If you are , if you fast forward your year and you say , okay , it's a year from now and I've achieved that goal , you've become essentially like in my example , back to my style . I've become stylish . Carla , as I define it May not be your version of it , but my version of it , right ? And if I'm that , how did I get there ?

And how am I thinking every day that I'm getting up , whether it's a weekend day or a work week day , and I'm putting myself together in a way that I define as curated and stylish and the way that I want to present myself to the world ?

That version of Carla has to be defined and I have to be her first so that I can make the decisions around the choices that I'm going to make , and that I can build one tiny little micro action at a time , a new set of habits that I do day in and day out that actually have delivered me to the stylish Carla I'm looking to become .

That happens , one tiny little action at a time . It's not about massive action . It's not about helter , skelter , wandering out and like spending a ton of money on a wardrobe .

It's about first getting clear on it and who that new version of me is , and then looking at all those tiny little actions I used to take when I wasn't the stylish version of me , around how I made wardrobe decisions and how I put my outfits together and all of that , and looking to undo those habits . So that is really .

I think it's a very different way of thinking about it than I used to . I did not think about progress towards goals as the tiny little habits that you do , I don't know . I just did not think of them as habits .

I thought of them as actions that either worked or didn't work , but I didn't think that , oh , I got here because of the things I'm doing day in and day out . Those are habits . They're actions , but they're habits , and if you don't undo those and change the mindset that actually led to those in the first place , you will not achieve your goals .

Nothing's really going to change and you can't outsource it Like , yes , I might very well use this . You know the services of a stylist because , quite frankly , I know I keep talking about style , but I think it's a good . It's a good example . I want to be stylish . I do not want to spend all of my time .

I want to look a certain way , but I don't want to have to do everything myself . So I've kind of connected to that . So that's one way I think a stylish Carla is going to have outside help . So that's number one Doesn't mean I'm going to spend , you know , tens of thousands of dollars on a wardrobe .

But you know there's a quite a range of stylists and I've decided I need help . I don't want to . I don't want to spend all that time , but I want the outcome right . So that's one thing . But number two no one can decide for me what that version of me looks like . I have to make that decision before I hire someone about what I want , who I am .

I could probably get a style coach or something like that and they could coach me into it and , who knows , I may have to do that . It is a total shift for me to put this much thought into it , but I'm sharing this because how many of us start things and set a bar or set out to do something and we don't do it , like 99% of us ?

You know , very few of us accomplish our goals , and the reason why is because we set a goal and then some of us don't even put strategies or actions in place to achieve the goal . But even if we do , we don't stay with it .

And we don't stay with it because we have so much working against it , which is our daily habits and it's all of the mindset things that led to those habits in the first place . You have to undo all of that . No matter what your goal is for the year , habits are the key .

Before you can achieve that thing , you have to be that thing , and it sounds woo-woo when you say it like that , but the truth is , if you think about it , you can't not be that thing .

You have to , because otherwise you're never going to get it , because you have to think in a completely new way , with consistency , and you have to do a very specific set of things with consistency .

So your habits , before you're ever going to get that thing , whether it's losing weight , saving more money , spending less money , getting fit , finding the forever relationship , becoming a stylish person , whatever your goal is , even if it's in a corporate setting , that you want to finally get to the next level up , you want a promotion .

You can't keep showing up at work every day the same way you've been showing up , because the way you've been showing up is working at this level . You have to look at the next level up and say who are those people and of that pool of people where you work , who are the top performers ? And you have to figure that out . What are their habits ?

How do they show up ? And then you have to kind of back into it and say , well , where's the delta , how are those habits different from mine , and what skills do I need to acquire and add to my bag of tricks ? And how do I walk into work next Monday morning starting to show up as that person ? That's how it works in every company I've ever been at .

Usually , by the time people are promoted , everyone else around them is saying I have no idea why this person is still at that level , like usually it's like so obvious by the time the person actually gets the next level up promotion .

And it's because you have to consistently show up or prove to people above you that you can do that day in and day out before they'll ever promote you . It might be the place you work works differently , but I got to tell you I've been in fortune tens , I've been in fortune five hundreds , I've been in fortune one thousands .

I've been in even a small family on business and I will tell , tell you it is the same in every single one of them . You have to first be that person and be showing up with consistency like that long before you ever get promoted . It is true , no matter what your goal is .

So you've got to take a look at your habits that led you to where this place is that you want to change . Look at those habits because that is what's keeping you stuck where you are . And then you have to say , well , what does that next level look like ?

Really clearly , like I'm trying to do with the style thing Whatever your goal is , you've got to get really clear on defining that and then you have to say , okay , well , if it's that , and if I were already there and I was already the person who achieved that then therefore I would be the woman in my instance who's the stylish woman , or , in the promotion

example , I'm the woman who's now at the next level you know , I've got X title , whatever it is , and it's like . Then you have to define well , if I'm that , what are those daily habits ? Because they're very different than what yours are , or you'd already have it right , because it's the day in and day out stuff we do that gets us where we are .

So once you figure out the habits , the new habits that you need , you know what the delta is between where you are and where you want to go , and your is to show up as that person every day , that new person who has that set of habits that just makes them a stylish woman , or a fit woman , or a wealthy woman , or a disciplined woman , or a woman in a

fabulous relationship or whatever it's like . That is a different person than where you are today , whatever your goal is . So I invite you , as you're thinking about your year and the things you want to go do , whatever they are , in any part of your life . I want you to think about your goals and accomplishing those in a different way .

First of all , I hope you've picked your word of the year because that filter for me it's working . You know , I keep reminding myself . My word of the year is elevated . I keep reminding myself I don't want just new trendy clothes that you know I could get online and find that I could get online and find that's not what I want . I want to be elevated .

I want an elevated wardrobe and I want it to be something that I can sustain over time . So this isn't just about buying a bunch of crap , right ? This is about making really smart and purposeful decisions , and I have to define that first right . And that journey is a new one for me . I've never thought about

it in this way . So I hope you find a word of the year , because that kind of keeps you honest day in and day out . It's a great filter . It gets to discipline and rigor around how you're showing up every day .

So I want you to think about your word of the year and , you know , think about your year and the things you want to go do , but don't stop there . Yes , the filter of the word of the year is super important , but that's not it . That's not going to solve everything for you . It's going to solve a lot of things , but it's those habits .

That's how I want you to look at it . Something got you here and it wasn't just bad luck and it wasn't just someone else's fault and it wasn't just you know , happenstance . Your habits , your daily actions got you where you are , and that is the part that's keeping you stuck , because you're continuing to perpetuate those habits and we have to undo that .

That is what I wanted to talk to you about today , like for me , tying this notion of daily habits to new goals that you set , goals that you set . For me , that linkage was never made in a way that I got it , and so I always felt like I was kind of white knuckling it or trying to just power through or whatever .

But I feel like it's the combination of obviously setting the goal , but then it's like getting really clear on who you need to be , to show up as every day , like that word of the year , getting that filter .

That's a great start so that you understand you're showing up now with consistency , but you have to still take a look at what got you here and those daily little things that you do and you don't even think about it because they're so deeply entrenched . It's just how you do it . You have to undo that .

You can't just keep doing those things and layer on top of it some big sweeping thing , some big action , because you're still got all these ingrained patterns of behavior that got you here to a place that you don't really want to be . So take the time and identify . That's what I did with my style stuff .

I thought , well , here's how I've been making my purchase decisions and here's why I don't care Like and I will never be , unfortunately , probably the fashionista person . I admire it in other people and I want to be elevated in my style , but I refuse to spend like hours and hours and hours like thinking about it and like the idea of actually going shopping .

I don't know . I used to like it when I was younger . It is unfun for me , I don't enjoy it . So now I understand that and I'm not willing to necessarily change that part . But now what I have to do is okay , well , how do I define being a stylist ? What do I want that to look like ?

And sort of come up with my way of that , my colors and my silhouettes and the types of clothing and stuff that I want , and maybe even some reference photos for the stylists that I hire , and then I have to procure my wardrobe in a different way , probably with the help of a professional , as I was saying , and someone to help me kind of put it together in

some creative ways . And , who knows , like in the process of doing all of this , I might actually change how I think about style . But the truth is , right now I think of it as I hate to say it .

I think of it as just a waste of my time , like I don't want to do it and I only go shopping for clothing and stuff when I just feel like I just I have got something coming up and I don't have the right thing , or I just have to do it and I've got to change all of that .

I have to look at it in a different way or I'm never going to achieve that particular goal . I'm just going to re-perpetuate the same problem that I already had . That's what habits are . They keep you in your lane and if you're looking for a new lane , you have to get off that highway of those habits and you have to .

You have to say I'm going over here and this is what here looks like and here's all the things I'm going to have to do if I'm there , and I actually am that person doing those things , and have that outcome . You've got to become someone new and it's those daily habits and it's those daily habits that most have to change .

So that is what I wanted to talk to you about today . I hope you found this helpful . I really do encourage you to spend a little time thinking about the different goals that you've set for this year . And , by the way , if you've given up on those goals , it's not too late . Dust them off , shake it off .

You have plenty of time to resurrect that goal and make it happen , or that set of goals . But take the time for each goal to figure out what are the habits that you have day in , day out . You may not have ever thought of them before .

Take the time to figure out what got you here , because that's what we've got to undo , and then , on top of that , you can just figure out from there . Once you define what you want the new thing to look like , then you just develop a new set of habits that you start to layer in and you know what they say about habits .

It takes about six weeks to layer in a new one until it kind of becomes like second nature . So you can start to think of it as okay , what's the new set of habits that replaces the old set ? Try to switch them one for one . Bad habit , new habit next to it that you've got to start practicing and doing .

And I would say , layer those new habits in one at a time , every six weeks . Focus on one . Undo one habit , replace it with a new one , get used to that , practicing that for six weeks , keep doing that . Pick another habit , replace that . I call that habit layering and I think that's really helpful to think of it that way .

It's like you can't change everything all at once , because those habits that you're doing that are keeping you where you are you've had them for a long time .

So what you want to do is , once you identify the ones that aren't working , identify the replacements for each , one for one , that are going to get you where you want to go , and then just start layering those in one step at a time , and that's how you make big , sweeping changes in your life .

One tiny little micro action at a time , new , transformative daily habits . And with that I'll leave you till next time . Make it a great

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