Ep 192: Leaving the Comfort Zone and Finding Meaning at Midlife and Beyond

It's about having the clarity , self-confidence and unstoppable belief to go after and get everything you want . If you'll come with me , I'll show you how Well . Hello , friends . I hope you had an amazing week . Today . I want to talk about being comfortable and the downside of that , and that might sound illogical , but hang with me for a minute .

So this is all sparked by a statistic I saw on LinkedIn . Now , I can't vouch for the statistic or the study that uncovered it , but it intrigued me , and the statistic was that 98% of people live in the comfort zone and only 2% of us ever push ourselves out of , I guess , a world in which we feel comfortable .

And , like I said , I don't know if that statistic is true or not , but I will say like when I saw it , it made me pause and I stepped back and I kind of thought about my own life and my journey that's led me here to this place at midlife , and even some of the things that I'm working on now , which I would say that I'm in the middle of pushing into

another , next level . I've been at this place for several years . I will say it's taken me a while . I'm a slow burner , I would say , and I always have been . I go through these long periods of thinking about it and working on it and just sort of tiny little actions . I'm a big fan of micro actions versus what they call massive action .

I like taking tiny little steps , one at a time , and it gradually adds up to huge change , and I'll do a whole episode on that at some other point .

But I want to talk today about why is it important to put yourself in a place where you are deciding on purpose to leave the comfort zone and to enter a period or a world that you're just really uncomfortable with , and why would anyone do that ? So let's kind of talk about that , because I think it's important .

And I want to start with the definition of what the comfort zone is .

I didn't want it to be my definition of it , so I looked it up and the Merriam Dictionary said that the comfort zone is defined as any situation in which you feel comfortable and in which your ability and determination are not being tested , and to me , it's that last part of the sentence that says it all , in which your ability and determination are not being

tested . Now I will say , just looking at those words , it sounds great , right . It sounds like oh well , I want to be in the comfort zone , right .

I want to be in a place where I'm always feeling great and I never have to feel uncomfortable and I never have to feel like I'm forced to do things or try things or deal with things that maybe I don't have the skills to deal with today , right .

But I want to challenge that notion Like , as good as it sounds , the comfort zone is where personal growth and , I think , self-discovery and I think honestly I'm just going to say it I think a meaningful life go to die .

I'm not saying we don't live our lives constantly being in a state of discomfort , but what I do want to say is that and I think this is something a lot of us forget when we get to midlife so just why ?

When I saw that statistic , it drew me in because it made me think about I think when we're younger , we're just getting out of college and we're just sort of starting our journey in life . I think we're already uncomfortable , right , it's like you know , you leave high school and you go to college . That's super uncomfortable , it's exciting but it's uncomfortable .

Right , you're leaving the world . You've always known the world of your parents' house and your family and your friends and all of that . And now you're pushed into this new world where you have to kind of rediscover who you are and , like you know , find out all of these new things about yourself .

And for a lot of us that's trial and error and super uncomfortable . It's also fun , but you know it's tough too . Lot of us that's trial and error and super uncomfortable . It's also fun , but you know it's tough too .

And then after four short years you're pushed out again , you know , into the real world and that's really uncomfortable , right , and you had that little safe , little cocoon once again of college and whatever . And now here you are and you're not 100% sure how to even get started .

And so for young folks just starting out and I would say first 10 years of your career , for sure it's just uncomfortable , you know . I mean you sort of settle in , but then as soon as you do , you know a lot of those folks are changing jobs a lot .

They're feeling very ambitious and they want to kind of see what's possible for them or what's out there for them , and so they make a set of very purposeful decisions to just continually push themselves out of places where they settled in and got comfortable , right , and I think that is fantastic .

I think many of us did that early on and some of us continued to do it , and I will say , like , for me , I feel like my entire life has been constantly deciding to leave the comfort zone . But I will say , when you get to midlife , you know it's there's more at stake , right . Like when you're just getting started , you kind of don't have any choice .

You have to get out there and see what you're made up . You got to make a life for yourself , right , but by the time you get to midlife , you have made a life for yourself and you've pushed yourself out of the comfort zone many times in order to make the life that you have now , you know .

And so when you're there , I get why I would say most people are living and determined to stay in their comfort zone . They want to , I guess , experience all of the blessings that came with all the sacrifices and all the effort and all of the struggle and all of the achievement .

You know that you push yourself through to bring yourself here , and so I'm not saying there's no value in living in that comfort and enjoying that comfort .

I think it is wonderful , it's a wonderful part of this time of life , and I think , even if life is a struggle in some areas , I think most of us at midlife can look at where we are in some capacity and value all of the effort that we put in that brought us here right , so I'm not discounting that .

What I am saying , though , is that I believe that when we stay in the comfort zone too long , it leads to malaise , and I think it's where a meaningful life and an exciting life and I don't know a rewarding , ever-evolving , interesting life can go to die honestly , at midlife , to remember that , even though you're very happy in some areas with where you are , I

just want to challenge you that , even if life is fantastic right now , it doesn't have to be falling apart . Even if your life is amazing right now , it's everything you ever dreamed of .

I just want to challenge you to say it is important to take purposeful steps outside of the comfort zone , maybe not completely blowing everything up or leaving everything behind or whatever , but testing the waters and figuring out how to keep yourself growing , because it's a slippery slope to go from being , from relishing in the comfort of where you are right now

because of all of the discomfort in your earlier years . It's so easy to get stuck in this place where you're kind of get to be afraid to do anything new or to put yourself out into the world in a new way , and I think you stop seeing yourself as someone that's capable of doing things that you've never done before .

That is , I think , a unique thing that most of us at Midlife can experience . So I want to offer you up some reasons to step out of your comfort zone in some area and I would say , like , if you're in a place where you haven't really pushed yourself in a while , don't focus on blowing everything up .

Listen to these reasons and I want you to look at your own life and ask yourself in what ways could you enrich your life more and maybe , I think , set your 20 years from now self up in the way that maybe your 20 years ago self set you up for where you are now , that you might be very grateful for your job right now , I believe , at midlife , is to do

the same thing for the 20 years from now . You , you don't want to coast for the rest of it , and we've talked a lot about that on a lot of my midlife meaning and midlife crisis episodes .

So if you want to explore that a little bit more about my view of what happens from zero to 39 and what happens from 39 forward you can go back and listen to those episodes .

But today I want to talk about why it's good to get uncomfortable and why stepping out of your comfort zone in midlife can have a very positive and profound effect , not only on your life today , but on who you become for the rest of it . So let's go ahead and dive in .

So first , of course , number one reason is that when you step out of your comfort zone , even in a very small way , it's about taking a risk . It's about putting yourself out into the world in a new way , even if you're just kind of tiptoeing in . Whether it's about trying a new hobby or whether it's about finally moving to the new city you want to go to .

Whether it's about trying a new hobby or whether it's about finally moving to the new city you want to go to , or whether it's about starting to take a course in an area that you might want to pivot your career into , or whether it's about finally contacting the attorney to open the LLC for the business you've been thinking about for five

years . Whatever your thing is , taking a risk promotes self-growth .

It's not easy , and even if you feel like you have a great life right now and tons of self-confidence , if you put yourself out into the world in a new way , I can promise you that you're going to build on what might already be a great foundation of feeling actualized and already self-confident .

It's hard , though right , because if you have a good life and you dream about doing something new , one of the big reasons we avoid it is we fear taking that risk , because the risk presents failure . If we're trying to do something new and we're taking a risk to do that , we feel like if we fail at it , it's a step back . We're like losing something .

But I want to submit to you that when you put yourself out into the world in a new way , it's just about self-discovery and that , yes , you probably , if you're trying something new , you might fail . There's a good chance of it on the first try . But what does failure really mean ? I find that kind of interesting , because it is a thing for me too .

But when you really step out of it and think about it it's like , well , what does it really mean ? It just means that I didn't know how to do it on this first try , you know , and I just need to learn from that and then take another run at it . Like , really our whole life leading up to this point has been a series of failures .

You know , we none of us go through life and get everything right on the first try , you know . So taking a risk at midlife can teach you more about yourself and I think it gives you a charge . It gives you that old feeling of inspiration and excitement that maybe I don't know being comfortable doesn't give us .

Being comfortable gives us many things , but that zap of excitement , that fire in your belly , doesn't really give you that right . That's about taking a risk , that's about deciding to take a step out of the comfort zone and that is about personal growth and seeing what you can do and discovering more about yourself .

But I just want to acknowledge deciding to leave the comfort zone is about risk , and number one is taking risks , promotes self-growth and failure , even though you'll probably experience . It can propel you forward and teach you more about who you are . And that leads us to number two , because this is a big one , and I hear this as a career and life coach .

I hear this from almost everyone People who are even at midlife , who might have a very successful career . Many of them most of them will say I don't know what I want to do with my life , and I stop short of telling them where you're already doing it right .

So if you're not liking what you're doing , it's your job to get out there and find out what you're passionate about . That is the key to the whole thing . And when you step out of the comfort zone at midlife especially , but anytime you start to learn things about yourself .

And I feel like some of us feel like by the time we get to midlife , we're just sort of who we are , you know , and that we're unlikely . At this point , especially if we feel like we know ourselves , a lot of us feel like we're unlikely to find out anything new .

But I want to tell you like when you do what I said in number one , which is deciding to step out of the comfort zone to take that risk . You're trying new things and when you try new things , you're going to discover new things about yourself .

You're going to discover either you don't like that thing or , I think , more often than not , we discover that we find new areas , that we're passionate about , new passions passions we did not know we had .

Right , by trying and learning new things and mastering new skills , we become good at new things , and that becomes the breadcrumbs of what I think are a new journey forward . Right , it's about discovering new things about yourself so that your path ahead gets richer . It doesn't stay the same . That doesn't mean that you have to let go of everything you have .

You know you don't have to blow up your life in order to discover new passions , and if you discover new passions , you don't have to blow up your life . Those two things can coexist . But I feel like the great thing about stepping out of your comfort zone , trying new things and exploring the things you're curious about .

I believe that the things you're curious about are little nigglings from the universe , that there's something in you that is meant to be discovered and that you're meant to do something with , and more often than not , when people do that they find something that they care about . Right , that's worth cherishing and like .

Why would we want to live without that for the rest of it ? Right , for the rest of our journey . So I feel like number two , which is it helps you discover new passions and new things . I think it's about not only making that discovery , but it's about what that discovery can become in the future .

It's those breadcrumbs that that new discovery , that new passion will lead you to probably trying something else new , and then something else new , and then something else new , and that forward momentum enriches your life and enlarges your life in a way that you're never going to experience if you don't step out of your comfort zone . So it's

about . Number two is about you know . It helps you discover new things that you're passionate about because you've allowed yourself to explore those little nigglings of curiosity , the little what ifs , the little oh , I wish kind of things . Don't wish , don't wonder . Step outside the comfort zone and start exploring in small ways . It's about micro actions .

It's not about big , scary , blowing all the crap up in your life . It's about just trying new , small things in as big or small way as you might wish to do . So number one was taking risks , promote self growth .

Number two is it helps you find out what you're passionate about and about what that can mean for the rest of your life , right In a enlarged , enriched life . Number three I think this is an important one too , because from the school of life is never easy .

I think our lives are much more complicated at midlife than they were in our early life for most of us , and I feel like those complications don't go away right . And if we're lucky enough to grow old , we're going to go through a lot as we age from here , either through the things that the people around us experience or the things that we ourselves experience .

And so when you step out of the comfort zone , it helps you learn how to cope with change . It helps you learn how to be uncomfortable and how to live in uncertainty .

When you decide on purpose to take steps out of the comfort zone in a very purposeful way , when life serves you up things that might be kind of devastating or disrupting or whatever , we've built that muscle because we've been intentionally putting ourselves out into the world in new ways , and so that muscle around dealing with discomfort and dealing with change and

dealing with transitions , it helps us be able to navigate the inevitable highs and lows of life a little bit better . You know a little bit more about who you are and you have a deeper well of self-belief to draw from when times get tough . So the step out of the comfort zone builds muscle .

That I think if we don't put ourselves out into the world in a new way , if we just settle for being comfortable , I think that muscle atrophies , that muscle that maybe we had in our youth leading us to here , to this life we're grateful for today , or maybe the life we want to change today , whatever it is .

But I feel like you want to keep that muscle strong , that muscle around dealing with change and coping and being okay with change and transitions and dealing with the fear that comes along with that . This is a learned skill and I think it's something that we have to work to keep strong .

And I think pushing yourself occasionally in meaningful ways , ways that are meaningful to you , out of your comfort zone will help you keep that muscle around coping strong . That is important as we age at any time in life . But you don't want to lose that . You don't want that muscle to atrophy .

So pushing yourself out of the comfort zone is a great way to keep it strong . So that's number three . Number four I think this is important you will begin , or begin again , to find yourself .

I think that life is a constant journey of discovery of who we are , and I think to believe , like many people do people do that by the time we get to midlife that we've uncovered all of who we are , is incorrect .

We have , all of us , many dimensions to who we are and lots of layers to who we are , and we can't possibly , no matter what we've been through , have explored all of those in 40 , 50 , 60 years . There's a lot more to you and you're only going to you know .

Discover all of that by , you know , stepping out of the comfort zone , by following those things that you know you have little nigglings about , by pursuing them , you might find it's a thing for you that you enjoy or not , but when you go after it , when you try those new things whatever those new things are , whether it's a solo backpacking trip through Europe ,

or it's a month long course at a culinary institute or whatever it is that you want to do , it doesn't matter . When you allow yourself to do it , you're going to find out things about yourself that you did not know were true , and those things are going to lead to more discoveries about yourself .

They're going to open up levels of you that maybe were previously untapped . And when you do that , you're going to reach down deeper and find this deeper wellspring of possibility for yourself , and I think it's our job . I think it's one of the reasons we're here . Our job is to discover all of who we are .

It's not to just go through the routines of our life , and it doesn't have to be big and scary . It can be a book you read . It can be a class you take . It can be a new volunteering opportunity that you pursue . It can be so many . It can be a trip that you've always dreamed of . It can be a business you wanted to start .

For all of us it looks different , but I think it's important to realize that by the time you get to midlife , you don't know yet all of who you are , and it's your job to continue to discover that .

And the only way you're going to do that is by pushing yourself out of the comfort zone and leaving the comfort zone intentionally , in intentional ways , ways that are important to you over and over again .

That is how your life opens up and that is how you get in touch with ever deeper aspects of who you are , and I think that's how life stays as we age and go forward interesting and enriched and full of possibilities , instead of just coasting until the end , right ? So , number four , you really will begin to find yourself again or rediscover yourself .

It's so important . Number five you know we all like to feel like we're in the driver's seat of our life . I don't know about you , but there have been times in my life where I felt like as purposeful as I think my life can .

Look to others , I've had a lot of people say my gosh , you're like so focused and so you try to be so productive and stuff , and it's like I do .

But I feel like there were long periods in my life , because of things that I was going through in relationships or whatever , where I kind of took my hands off the steering wheel of my life and I was not in the driver's seat of my own life or didn't feel like I was . I was just kind of coasting and it's not a good feeling .

We all want to feel like we are in the driver's seat . We are in control of where the car goes . We're sort of leading it . Now , we're never fully in control , but we want to have that feeling of omnipotence in our life and when we step out of the comfort zone , we're deciding on purpose where we're heading .

We're not just rolling with the things that life hands to us . We're saying I want to go do that , and so at least with a portion of our life , that's what we're doing right , and we're making a series of decisions .

And it gives us a feeling , in every area of our life , even if we're just doing something small , just doing that small thing , we're making that decision , taking that one class or doing that one thing , or whatever it decision , taking that one class or doing that one thing , or whatever it is , it makes us feel like in every area of our life , we have more

control . We have , you know , more courage , we have more audacity , like we feel , like I think at that point that we have hopped in to the driver's seat of our life , put our hands on that steering wheel and we are driving and we're steering our life .

So number five is that when you decide intentionally to step out of your comfort zone , it puts you back in this feeling of I'm driving my life , life is not happening to me , I'm happening to life . Right , that is a very big difference and I think it's super important to have that sense of control . And then , number six it builds self-confidence .

Like you may feel like you're a very confident person , but are you confident even when you feel uncomfortable ? Are you confident even when you try something you've never tried before ? Like that's the kind of confidence I'm talking about .

We can all feel confident in the context of a career and a relationship and a life that we're used to , that we're comfortable in . But can you still feel confident when you put yourself out into the world for the first time doing something completely new ? That is the test , and most of us won't feel confident , and that's okay .

It's about learning and maybe remembering that it's all right to try and fail and try and fail , and try and fail and try and fail .

Eventually we're going to find the way that works for us about that new thing that we're doing and when we remember that it builds an ever deeper well of self-confidence , that not only is about that thing that we put ourself out in the world in a new way to try , but about all of our life , it enriches our life and it strengthens our self-image .

So that's number six , and then number seven is the last one . It allows you to see yourself in a new way , and this is about self-image , and that is the foundation of my practice and what I teach .

It all goes it's at the very root of who we are , which is how we see ourselves very root of who we are , which is how we see ourselves , and I feel like that can be either a product of our past and our collection of experiences that we've had to date and our interpretations of those .

We can either let that be our self-image or I think this is the better way to do it we can decide to build a self-image that is fluid , that is ever-changing and that is always becoming in a very intentional way . You don't have to see yourself as the collection of all of your life experiences to date , of all of your life experiences to date .

You can actually choose to see yourself by who you're deciding to become , and I think when we're at midlife , most of us forget that because we think we are just who we are and we think that this is the way our life is and this is all the decisions we made and now we're here , and so here is what we have and here is who we are .

And I'm here to say that is not who you are . You are who you decide to be , and that can change today . If you want to see yourself in a new way , if you want to believe something new about yourself , don't look to the people around you to reflect that back to you . That comes from inside of you .

When I talk about self-image , I'm not talking about the image that you present to the world . I'm talking about how you see yourself .

And that is the most important work you'll ever do , and that is why I focus my business there , because your life and your possibilities of your life are only going to be as large as your self image allows for what you believe is possible for yourself .

And so it's really , really important to change the way you think about yourself by not looking to your past or not looking to others to reflect back to who you are . How they see you , that's kind of irrelevant . What is relevant is who you choose to be now and going forward .

And you do that by kind of turning and facing the future , not the past , and looking ahead and saying I want to be that and so that is where I'm headed . And that involves continuously leaving the comfort zone and trying new things and editing your life and , next , leveling .

So those are the seven things and I hope that gave you some perspective to look at your own life and to think about how comfortable are you ?

And again , nothing wrong with relishing where life's journey has brought you , but I think too many of us get stuck there , either because we relish it or even if we don't like where we are , we're afraid to leave it because we think that what we try next might be worse . And I'm here to tell you that is a stuck mindset .

You don't have to live that way and I would challenge you that . If you do feel stuck and you are afraid to step out of your comfort zone , even in a very small way , I get it , I understand . But I want to tell you that it doesn't have to be scary . I mean it will be probably scary , but it doesn't have to be like you blow up your life .

Everything in your life can stay the same and you can still choose one thing . There's magic in the one thing . Don't change everything .

Pick one thing , whether it's a personal goal , about your changing something about your appearance , like your weight or your fitness or your style , how you dress , or whether it's about taking a course , or whether it's about starting a business , whatever it is , just take one step toward that thing and then another , and then another .

That's how you leave the comfort zone is one step at a time , one tiny micro step at a time , and in the course of a month , not much will have changed , but in the course of a year or five years , your life could be completely transformed from that one tiny step .

So that is something I wanted to talk about today , because I want to remind my fellow midlifers that there's too many of you out there saying it's too late , no one's ever going to hire me for that new job , it's too late to start my business , it's too late for me to , you know , become that stylish , fit woman that I used to be , or whatever it's .

I'm telling you . That is not true . It's just something you're telling yourself , and I want you to just try to step out of the comfort zone . Pick one thing , take one little step and don't hop back into the comfort zone . Know that you're going to feel uncomfortable , embrace the discomfort , and remember these seven things .

There's a reward waiting for you for all of the discomfort and all of the trial and error and all of the effort of this self-discovery journey that you would go on if you allow yourself to step out of your comfort zone , and I hope that you do , and I want to invite you . The doors to Next Level are opening soon .

So Next Level is my monthly membership and if you're interested , go to the purposefulcareercom forward slash next level and check out that membership . I have a waiting list so you can click on the wait list and add your name and I will be in touch and I think you would enjoy it , because this is what we talk about .

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Some of you have been with me since the beginning and I appreciate you and I thank you for showing up every week and I'm grateful for the work that you're doing in your own life to keep it heading in the direction that you want it to go . So with that , I'll leave you till next time . Make it a great week . My friends , do you have a life coach ?

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