Ep 185: Small Changes, Big Growth: The Power of External Shifts

It's about having the clarity , self-confidence and unstoppable belief to go after and get everything you want . If you'll come with me , I'll show you how Well . Hello friends . I hope you had an amazing week . Today . I want to talk about something that's not something I usually talk about on the podcast .

So , specifically , I typically focus on lasting change and lasting change . How do you minimize the self-doubt for good ? How do you build self-confidence and maintain it ? How do you go after big , bold new things and get them and keep them ? That all comes from the inside out .

So that's most of what my business focus on , and when I say from the inside out , I'm really talking about your thoughts , your mindset .

So the things that we think drive how we feel , and how we feel , whether good or bad , is what inspires us to take the actions we either take or don't take , and what we don't do is just as important as what we do don't take , and what we don't do is just as important as what we do , and it's those two things what we do and don't do that ultimately

create the results in our life . So when people say and you see these sayings that you know what everything that you think matters , or our thoughts become things , that's really what it is . It's not this magical like I have a positive thought and everything in my life is suddenly amazing . It isn't that so much as it is .

Your thoughts set everything into motion , and if your thoughts are coming from a place that doesn't serve you , if you're saying mean and nasty and toxic things to yourself , whether you realize it or it's running subconsciously , you're going to feel like crap , and when you feel like crap , you're not going to do things that serve you .

You're either going to avoid things that serve you or you're going to do a whole bunch of things that don't serve you , and it's going to deliver results in your life that you don't want . So I spend most of my time talking about that , and I do think it's important , because that is how we change our life .

If we want to change our life , it starts with changing how we're thinking about ourselves , about others , about the world , about our possibilities , about our self-worth , all of it . However , today I want to talk about the complete opposite . I want to talk about the value of changing from the outside in Now .

I talked about it a little bit in episode 107 , but and so I'll repeat it here because I think it's really important True , lasting change comes from the inside out , by changing how we think and practicing that discipline of thought over time until they become beliefs , forming that new lens of beliefs that you put on the world .

That is where long-term , lasting change comes from .

But sometimes , in order to get the inspiration or the motivation or to be able to channel the near term belief , to take the leap of faith to believe that something you really want but maybe you don't quite believe is possible for you , sometimes the best way in the moment , a short-term way , to channel that inspiration and that flash of belief , is by changing

some things from the outside , in meaning the tangible , visible aspects of your life . It could be as simple as fresh flowers on the desk to change your state of mind . It could be cleaning out the desk and making it neat and tidy to give you a sense of focus and purpose . That can be a way . There can be other ways that you do to your persona .

Changing a hairstyle , totally putting a different lens on how you dress Doesn't have to be expensive , but putting things together in a more thoughtful way All of those things are tangible ways that you can start to believe that your world or you is in fact changing .

Sometimes we look at the outside in thing and I know I hardly ever talk about this , but I was thinking about the other day . I was talking to a client about it .

She's someone who's really already very successful , but she just wants very much to push through from an executive director which is like in her company there's three levels of directors is director , senior director , executive director . It's from executive director to VP . That's her big next leap up and she's wanted it and she's been shortlisted .

She's almost gotten it and then not . She's just dying to finally get to the next level and she's doing all the things , but she has a lot of self-doubt about whether she's going to actually be able to get it . She's finding it hard to believe that anything's really going to be different this time .

Like in her mind , because she's , in her mind , languished at this level for four or five years . She feels like this is it .

She's hit her glass ceiling and I , after coaching her we actually did two sessions this past week because she's really trying to dive deep on it and one of the things that I told her that she took away and came back to me a couple of days later and said , wow , like when you said it I thought it was very superficial and it wasn't going to work .

And she said I feel completely different . She said it was like I put on a new persona and what I told her to do is I said look , you have to find a way to channel in those moments of self-doubt in a tangible way .

You have to find a way to look in the mirror and say I believe this time it's going to be different because , fill in the blank , and it's fine to have a thought about that , but it's a lot easier to believe it's true .

It's a lot easier to believe it's true in the moment if there's a tangible thing that you can point to that has actually changed , and that's what I'm talking about .

So when we talk about changing from the outside in , that's about changing something tangible in your world and , depending on you know what you're trying to do in your life , what goal you're trying to go after .

What you would change from the outside in would look different , but that tangible thing is what's going to help you understand that this time it can potentially be different . It's also proof to yourself that you can show up or do things in a different way . It's very important and I will relate it to my own life .

I actually had a trip planned with a couple of my girlfriends and I hadn't done that for a while . I had this trip planned and it was semi-spur of the moment , like we only planned it probably a couple of three weeks ago , and it sounded great at the time .

I haven't seen them in person for a while and a quick girlfriend's trip to Florida sounded like just what the doctor ordered . However , like as the time approached , however , like as the time approached , I just wasn't in the mood .

I'm still going through a lot of after effects from losing my mother and , just you know , from the day to day I'm running a business . I have a demanding job in corporate America . It's just a lot of life going on right . And as the day was approaching , I was like I don't want to go , you know , and I even texted her .

I said I really I want to cancel , I want to see you guys , but I just I want to cancel . And I said I just haven't done it yet . And she said something to me that really stuck with me . She's like I know you do and I understand why , but she's like this will be really good for you .

And I read that and I thought about my coaching client who wants to get promoted and just didn't really believe that anything was going to be different or whatever . And I know I , after the year I had last year , I promising myself this is going to be a very different year . I'm going to show up differently in every part of my life .

And it was interesting when she said that to me , I thought instantly of my client and the advice I gave to my client and I told myself you're going . Because to me , the common thread there is if I want my life to be different , I have to be a different person .

I have to be the person that I can't continue to be , the person who's sitting here working through their grief . Yes , the grief is there , but it's time to get out there and start living again . It's time to start being there for other people .

It's time to start committing to the fun things that I want to do in my life again , and it's really easy to get into the habits that we get into . Like with my client who wants to get promoted , we started talking about like what would that mean , you know ?

Like for her changing from the outside in , and at first , like she balked at it and I get it because it can sound really superficial she's like what do you mean ? Like I need to go get a haircut , you know . And I was like , yeah , maybe , but it could be as simple as a new pair of shoes .

It could be as simple as doing more accessorizing of your outfits . It could be as simple as styling your hair differently . Or it could be a transformative as hey , I haven't invested in clothes since before the pandemic . Let me go out and refresh my wardrobe , if you have , if you have the resources to do that .

Like it can be as small or as big as you feel you personally need . But the point is for her

. What she told me was she actually went out and she hired a stylist . I think it was in a private one , I think it was through Nordstrom or whatever .

Maybe it was Saks , I'm not sure , but one of the stores that have it and she just said , hey , I need to do a wardrobe refresh for winter , and she's like here's my budget , and it was something that she felt was comfortable for her .

And you know , by the time she got to the store , the lady had her stuff ready and she tried it on and she bought a good percentage of it , which she said this is something I haven't , I don't think , ever done . Usually , I'm like ordering online and nothing ever goes together . And what she said was she committed to it .

She did it and for the next week you know , before we met again , she said she felt different . She felt she was being different , she was showing up different and , whether it's true or not , her perception was people responded to her differently . The same people that she works with every day and has worked with every day for years .

She felt were maybe listening to her more in meetings or talking to her differently or responding to her differently . And what we talked about is that's probably true because you felt different , you felt put together , you felt like a next level version of yourself .

So you were doing what I said in episode number 107 , you were being someone new , because you changed some tangible ways about how you were showing up and that caused you to sort of think differently about yourself when you looked at yourself in the mirror and because of those thoughts that created emotions in you that then caused you to show up in a more

confident manner and people responding to you so it wasn't necessarily the new outfit , it was how you felt about yourself when you saw yourself in the new outfit , and the mindset and the emotions and the actions that created is what others were responding to .

So I know a lot of times we say , oh , power dressing or dress for success , and it's so easy to dismiss that it's like listen , that's just an outer veneer and I would never focus there 100% because I really do believe that lasting change comes from the inside out .

But what I know for sure is that when we want to go after something new , especially if it's something that we don't really think is going to happen , you know , like , no matter how hard we work , we just don't think we're going to get there , maybe because we've tried and failed .

Or , you know , we just don't think it's meant for us , but it's something we really , really want . Or , you know , we just don't think it's meant for us , but it's something we really , really want .

When that's the case , it can be very , very helpful to start changing or tweaking some aspects of your outer life , like , for example , if you just feel like , uh , let's just say one of your goals is to be more organized , procrastinate less .

One of the external things that you might do to help with that is take a look at your desk at home If that's where you work , or at work . Take a look at the organization of your inbox , your file system . Is your desktop full of random files that you can never find anything ?

Or do you have an organized way of keeping information that you need ready access to ? That's one of the ways that you , if you have an issue with procrastination or productivity or something like that , could have a tangible reason to believe . This time you're going to be able to make this stick .

You're going to be able to undo that underserving performance pattern that you have right . So those are the things that I'm talking about and , again , I'm not a huge fan of focusing all your energy there . I just don't think . I don't personally believe that pays dividends over time , but I 100% believe that when you want to go do something big and new .

You need to give yourself some tangible proof that this time things are going to be different , and the best way to do that is yes , keep working on your mindset . Keep working on aligning the thoughts that you have with the emotions and the actions that'll lead you towards that goal .

But do not be afraid to start tweaking , depending on what your goal is , some of the aspects of your outer world Clean the car , clean the desk , freshen the wardrobe , get a haircut , change something that makes you look in the mirror and believe that this time you're showing up as a person who will have that thing , that small little gesture that you make in

tweaking your outer being or environment . It's maybe not you personally . It might be your house , maybe your car , whatever it is , maybe your desktop organization , whatever it is . That can be the thing that makes you believe . No , this is not like all my other trials and failures . This time I have my back . This time I'm showing up differently .

This time I believe it because I'm being someone new . So I wanted to just hit on that . Today it's a little bit shorter episode , but I think it's really powerful . I know for my client it really . For her it was like putting on a new persona , one that she really needed .

Not that that has anything to do with why they should or shouldn't promote her , but the thing is now , instead of really deeply believing that she's hit the glass ceiling and that the thing that she wants , that vice president level , is out of her reach , now she believes no , I'm already showing up like the vice president and people are responding to me in a

different way and it's only a matter of time before that falls into place . Like , for her , that outer being shift , that investment she made in how she dresses herself and puts herself together for her workday , has been something that locked a new thought pattern into place , something she's been working on but couldn't quite make permanent .

And now she almost feels like she has already become the vice president . It's just the title hasn't yet arrived , and I a hundred percent believe that it's on its way .

Not because she's thinking it , not because she's magically bringing something into being , it's because she's already showing up that way and when we believe something that hard , then the rest of the universe just kind of locks into place around that .

That's sort of how it works and , energetically , that's what's happening in her life and , like for me , I promised myself this was going to be a different year and every aspect of my being yes , I wanted to see my friends .

Yes , it's been a long time , but the idea of getting on that plane at 6am in the morning after the seven months of travel back and forth like I just thought I cannot do it , you know .

But when she said that to me and I thought about my client and my advice , I thought you know what I have to give myself tangible proof that this year I'm showing up for myself in a different way . That was a very , very difficult time and I did what needed to be done , what I wanted to do for my parents and for my family .

And now it's also time for me to start doing things for myself . And I am halfway packed , ready to get on that flight in the morning , and I'm sure it's going to be an amazing weekend .

And that's a proof point for myself that I'm hanging on to to say no , I get to decide some fun things , put them on the schedule and those things I'm going to go do I'm not going to cancel on myself . And this trip this weekend is my first proof point that this year I'm going to change what my life looks like .

This year , I have to recalibrate how I think about how I spend my free time , and it's not just about hunkering down .

It's also about my connections to the people that matter to me and making the efforts by getting on the plane at 6am to go see them , versus doing the easy thing and just staying put and kind of licking my wounds and ruminating over what a tough year it was last year . So that's what I'm talking about .

It's fine to do the long-term work and I want you to do the long-term work because that thought work and the self-coaching is where it's at when it comes to long-term , lasting change .

But sometimes you need to look at the things that you want to go do and you need to look at your level of belief in your ability to do them , and if it isn't quite there , I would challenge you .

Look at your life , look at yourself , your persona , look at your surroundings , your habits , your manner of talking , the way you interact with it , whatever it is .

Look at your way of being and ask yourself what are a couple of things that I could do to prove to myself that I am being someone new , that when you look in the mirror you see someone different .

You see someone that's more confident , someone that's more determined , someone that's showing up as that next level thing that you actually want the organized person , the thinner person , the more successful person .

I know it sounds superficial and I don't want it to come off that way , because it's way more to life than how we look or the car we drive or the place we live .

But sometimes little touches , little spots of beauty in your world , little tweaks in your being , little differences in your habits and the ways you show up for yourself and for others can be the proof that you need to believe that this time it's going to be different . I want you to try it .

Look at your world and see what could I tweak today that would prove to myself that I am showing up differently for myself and for the things that I want to achieve .

So I want you to give that a try , because I know that when you do , it is going to help catapult you forward in terms of your belief that the things that you want this year are not only possible but right around the corner . So with that I'll leave you till next time . Make it a great week , my friends . Do you have a life coach .

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Join me and together we'll make your career in life everything you dream of . We'll see you there .