Ep 172: Learning to Appreciate Yourself and Your Journey

It's about having the clarity , self-confidence and unstoppable belief to go after and get everything you want . If you'll come with me , I'll show you how Well . Hello friends . I hope you had an amazing week . Many times , the subjects that I talk about on this podcast relate to some of the coaching that I'm doing in my private coaching practice .

I noticed at times that there are trends or common themes that we're dealing with across clients , and this week is no exception . So I wanted to base today's episode on a topic that I talked about this week with three of my private coaching clients , because it made me think about how many of us deal with the same thing .

This week , something really unusual happened , and that is the same issue cropped up for three of my private coaching clients the exact same issue in the same week .

Now , granted , the specific situation or the way that each client experienced the issue was different , but in each instance , the root issue they were dealing with was the same and their self-coaching and homework that they were going to do in between coaching sessions was the same . So it didn't really occur to me .

They happened over a couple of days and as I sent the last client their follow-up recap and homework , it made me think about the homework and the topic of it and how many people I've managed who struggled with the same thing , how many friends and colleagues I've watched struggle with it and , honestly , how often I've struggled with it .

So as I considered all of that , I realized that this is a pervasive issue and it's actually very important . It's fundamental to everything that those of us who are into kind of personal development and achievement or whatever it's fundamental to that , to enabling that and , honestly , for just who we want to be in the world .

So I knew it was the thing that I wanted to talk about today because I intuitively believe that it's something that most of us need to hear , especially with everything that's going on in the world and maybe how difficult the past couple are challenging , I should say the last couple of years have been for all of us and I think it's something that we could all

consider putting into practice in our own lives . So you might be wondering what this thing is . So I'll just say that in this episode we're going to talk about self-appreciation , what it is , why it's important and how to put it into practice . So let's dive in First .

I know self-appreciation can sound a little woo-woo on a career podcast , but as we go through this , I think you'll see it's actually really important and it's foundational for everything that you probably want to do or achieve in your career or business . And I look at it like this . The definition is quite simple .

Self-appreciation is about consciously acknowledging the things about yourself that you like or appreciate . So these can be traits , achievements , contributions you've made , things you do for others , who you are in the world , like , whatever . However you choose to define it , that can be kind of anything , just whatever about yourself that you really appreciate .

It doesn't really matter what it is . The important thing is that you see it and acknowledge it and then feel the appreciation for it . That's the important part . It's not about something huge , like winning the Nobel Peace Prize or whatever .

It can be a tiny little thing , but if it impacts you know , your work or the people around you or whatever in a way that you think is meaningful , take the time to see it and value it and appreciate it , and that's often really hard , right .

When we're good at something , or when we've actually done something enough times that we have accomplished it , or whatever , it's easy to write it off . I've always thought that . I always think that if I know something , then everyone knows it . You know it's .

We very rarely allow ourselves to see things about ourselves that might be unique or special , and it's valuable that you view this through the lens of you , meaning that you don't compare this with things that you appreciate or observe about others . This is not about comparison . It's not about you know a race or a competition .

This is truly just about who you are maybe who you started out to be and who you've become , and really allowing yourself to see that Self appreciation is about you and you alone , and there's lots of reasons this is important , so let's kind of go there . First and foremost , most of us aren't taught how to do this .

We're more often taught how to notice what's special or amazing about others and the importance of acknowledging that through a compliment or some other way of showing appreciation , but very few of us are taught or even know how to take the time to view ourselves through a lens of appreciation or not taught that it's not , that it's not part of Western culture .

Really , most of us wait for the people around us our partner , our friends , our boss , whatever to see and acknowledge the thing or the things about us that they think are special . And when they don't , we tell ourselves that it's because that the thing that we do or we did doesn't matter , or that it wasn't good enough or didn't measure up or whatever .

In fact , two of my clients pushed back hard when I brought it up Again . They had different ways in .

But when I said , hey , this is really about you learning how to appreciate you , what you've done , who you are and all of it and both of them asked in their own way something like but if I really spend time appreciating myself and focusing on all the things I've done or that I'm good at , doesn't that make me self centered ?

And some of you are probably sitting there wondering the same thing and the short answer is only if you do it all the time like if you're someone who's constantly preoccupied with yourself and your own affairs and the things that you do , to the exclusion of everything else , then sure , you might be considered self centered .

But that's not what we're talking about here . What we're talking about is putting into place a practice around periodically taking inventory of the things about yourself that you appreciate , allowing yourself to really see those things and then to feel the amazement and the pride at having accomplished it or having done it .

That's important because it's foundational to having a healthy self esteem and a positive and productive inner thought life , and it's especially important for those of you , like me , who've either had or have an active inner critic , that inner talk track that runs on a negative , constant loop in your head .

It brings up self-doubts , it causes us to wonder about our abilities , our self-worth , all of that . And the best way to turn down the volume on that negative inner talk track is to turn up the volume on the self appreciation track .

When you do that and you really see it and acknowledge those things that you've done or appreciate about who you really are , who you've become , it creates new positive neural pathways or thought pathways that can replace that honestly exhausting voice of self-out .

It's also important for high achievers because the truth is that as we go along on our journey , the more we accomplish , the less we tend to see and appreciate having accomplished those things .

Here's what I mean the person who sets out to do something or sets a big goal is one person , but then we go on the journey to getting that goal and if we get it now , we're no longer the person who set the goal , we're the person who accomplished the goal .

And what that means is that when you really try to shortchange self-appreciation , you just look at it through a simple lens . It seems like no big deal , because we tend to undervalue the things about ourselves that we've already done or learned

. That's what happened with one of my clients this week . I'd seen on one of my client social feeds that the business had won some awards right , and it's a fairly new business meaning five years , whatever and these are national high profile awards . So pretty amazing really for any business of any age , but especially one that's fairly new .

And what was interesting was that I kind of waited for the person to bring it up and they didn't . So as we near the end of the session , we talked about the things we were going to deal with in that session .

I brought it up and I asked my client how did they feel to have gone from an idea to not only a multimillion dollar business but now a national award-winning business in just a few short years . And their response was really interesting . My client said honestly , I just kept thinking it wasn't a gold , so it was like a tiered system of awards .

And then they talked about feeling guilty for even thinking that , like they were afraid . Just thinking that and saying that out loud made it seem like they weren't grateful for the win , which they were .

But the truth is , this is very common with high achievers you just tick down the list , you accomplish goal after goal and you never really stop and fully appreciate having achieved it . Instead , what you're doing is you're looking at it , and you're looking at it through the lens of the person that achieved it .

So you're looking at it and all you can see are the things that didn't happen or the ways that maybe it wasn't quite exactly what you would have loved for it to be .

You miss all the rest of it , which was like the fact that you even did it right , and so the only way you can really see it is and this is what we talked about is by going back to the person before you even started the business , when it was just an idea that you , that version of you doesn't care that it wasn't a gold .

They're amazed , first of all , that you even have a business , that it's still in business , that it's thriving , that it's generating multiple millions of dollars a year and that you've now won a national award . So you've got to look at it through the eyes of wonder , which are the eyes of your past self .

They're never going to be the eyes of your current self , ever . And it's the same with another one of my clients .

It's totally different way in , but they just left a high profile position and they're getting ready to start yet another very high achieving individual , and so we were talking about all the things that they've achieved in their most recent role , their accomplishments , the things they're most proud of as a leader , as an innovator , as an industry icon , and the things

that they're most proud of . And this client was really struggling to name and eight , which is crazy . Like if you saw their list of accomplishments you'd be like wow . And they even asked but if I spend my time thinking about that , doesn't that make me self centered ? And of course , my answer was no .

And , as I said earlier , this would only be true if you were totally preoccupied with yourself and all the things that you've done and all of that . But the fact that this person even asked that question would tell you they're not self centered , they're very focused on others and serving others .

But taking the time to really see and appreciate the things that you've done is about giving yourself credit For this person . I brought it up because they're about to start something new and that new thing is going to be hard just like their last thing was really hard , because they're a C level person .

And so it's important to kind of fill your reserves right so that you're ready to dive into that new opportunity charged and proud and energized and ready to go .

And so one of the ways to do that is by allowing yourself to just see all of the things that you've done and to allow yourself to really feel what it took , like the grit , the resilience , the focus , the determination , and then appreciate having achieved it , so , so important . So you might be wondering , like so how do you do it ?

How do you show yourself appreciation ? Well , in a minute I'm going to give you an exercise , but first I want to talk context , and I hit on this a minute ago , but I think it's really important . This is all about perspective , the lens that you view the accomplishments through .

You cannot just view it through the lens of who you are right now , because when we set out to do something before we do it , when we're at the beginning , we're one version of ourselves , the before version , if you will , the person who's set the goal and very much wants to accomplish it , but who hasn't yet done the work in order to have it .

The challenge is that when we try to appreciate the achieving of the goal , we're usually doing that through the lens of who we become . So we might list the things down and then we look at it and we think big deal , and all you can see are the things that didn't happen or where you felt short .

Just like my client said , I just kept thinking that it wasn't a gold . That's now you talking today . You , you can't see the wonder of having achieved it because you're too busy thinking of how it wasn't exactly perfect , right , or it wasn't enough , or it wasn't whatever . The key to switching that up is perspective .

As soon as you look at that accomplishment through the lens of past , you you at the beginning , you when you just it was just words on a paper or an idea in your head . You feel the wonder of it , the amazement , the pride , and it's no longer about the fact that maybe it wasn't everything you wished it was .

You allow yourself to see and really feel what it means to have achieved it and to really appreciate yourself for doing it . So that's the lens I want you to look at it through . So earlier I told you I'd give you an exercise , and it's pretty simple .

So just take out a piece of paper or open up a Google doc and I want you to think about some categories of who you are that you want to focus on appreciating . It can be anything .

It can be you as a leader , it can be you as a business person , it can be you as a colleague , it can be you as a parent , business owner , friend , person , neighbor , whatever . And I honestly I think the more categories the better .

Like be 360 with it , be well rounded , select as many as you want and then , under each category , write the numbers one through 10 under each . And then I want you to go back and I want you to list , under each category you picked , 10 things that you appreciate about yourself .

These can be traits that make you uniquely you , things you've achieved things you've done . It can be big or small , so they don't all have to be like becoming the CEO or you know , $500,000 a year . They can be really tiny things that are you think are impactful . It doesn't matter .

This is your list , so keep writing until you come up with at least 10 for each category , but if you can think of more , go for it , like as many as you can do 2030 , whatever and then , once you're done , I want you to look at the things you listed through the lens of you 10 years ago , 20 years ago , maybe college graduate you , or high school graduate

you , or even 10 year old . You channel that energy before you did those things , before you accomplish them way before maybe you even had the idea for them and let yourself feel the wonder of that , the amazement of that . That's the key . You can't view those things through the lens of who you are today and fully experience the appreciation .

It becomes more of a clinical exercise , because today you have grown . Now you're ready to tackle the next list of really hard things that you're about to go do , the things that 10 years from now you'll think are so easy , but that today you wonder if they're even possible .

I think this is important to do regularly , at least every six months or so , definitely once a year or before a big change like a new job or the ending of a relationship or a child going off to college or leaving the nest or whatever .

Allow yourself to see and fully appreciate having done the things that you set out to do or having become more of who you wanted to be in this world , and I think that list can become go to thoughts that you shift into purposefully in moments of crisis or self doubt , when things seem hard or impossible .

A list like this is an excellent go to reminder that you can do hard things . You have done hard things and it doesn't matter if anyone else ever sees it or acknowledges it or whatever you see it . You appreciate it , and those new thoughts and feeling will inspire you to go do your next big hard things , and maybe even more than that .

This self appreciation is really about self acceptance , and I think Lao Tzu , the founder of Daoism , sums it up best with this quote Because one believes in oneself , one doesn't try to convince others . Because one is content with oneself , one doesn't need others' approval . When one accepts oneself , the whole world accepts us .

So self-appreciation is a foundational pillar of self-esteem and confidence . And I'll leave you with one last thought . You might be thinking well , I don't have anything special to really appreciate , I'm just a middle manager or regular person , or fill in the blank . Whatever you're thinking , and if that's you , I want to say you're wrong .

This is not an exercise about comparing who you are , or there's no measuring stick to say that what you've done is harder than what someone else has done or not as good as what someone else has done . We started , all of us , from different places . This is not about comparing yourself to others .

It's about comparing who you are today with where you started and what you've done and how your younger self propelled you to hear , and really appreciating that journey .

No matter where you're at right now , no matter what you're struggling with or what disappointments you're facing , or what concerns or what headwinds or whatever , we all have things we've done and achieved that deserve recognition and acknowledgement through ourselves .

We all deserve to feel the appreciation of ourselves for having gone on the journey thus far and for having stuck with the hard things that we've stuck with and for having brought many of those over the finish line . So for this week .

My wish for all of you is to take 30 minutes and show yourself some appreciation and allow yourself to feel and really believe how amazing you really are . Until next time , make it a great week . My friends , do you have a life coach ? If not , I'd be so honored to be your coach .

I've created a virtual coaching program and monthly membership called Next Level . Inside we take the material you hear on this podcast , study it and then apply it . Join me at thepurposefulcareercom . Backslash next level . Don't forget the purposefulcareercom . Backslash next level . Join me and together we'll make your career and life everything you dream of .

We'll see you there .