Ep 162: How to Know if You're Making Progress

It's about having the clarity , self-confidence and unstoppable belief to go after and get everything you want . If you'll come with me , I'll show you how Well . Hello friends . I hope you had an amazing week . Today . I want to talk about something that builds off the last couple of episodes .

So , as you know , of course , we're at the beginning of the year , and what is the thing that we all focus on ?

A lot of us focus on the things that we want to accomplish or do in the year , you know , and so the last couple of episodes I centered in on that , and I think those two episodes would be really helpful for you to go and listen to , because it has to do with accomplishing the things that you want to go do this year .

This episode , though , is something that I think is going to start to become a factor for you in the next couple of months , or for any of us who have goals that we want to go accomplish , and that is , how do we value the progress that we're making Right , and specifically what I mean by that is and this really resonates with me .

So if you're someone who is big on achievement or super goal oriented , it's probably going to resonate with you too . But this has to do with what does it mean to have big goals and to appreciate the value of those goals and the going after them , but to not get stuck in this continuous loop of always wanting more ? And I coach a lot of high achievers .

So and some of them have said when is it ever going to be enough ? When is it ever going to be enough ? It's a question they ask themselves , right ? Sometimes it's a question that there's significant other asks them , or those around them who love them and care about them . They're like when is it ever going to be enough ?

So , if this resonates at all , this episode is something that I think you're going to find super helpful . I know it was for me the first time I got exposed to it . I want to talk about what it means to set goals and how to avoid getting stuck in the cycle of nothing is ever enough , that there's always something more .

While I say that , I do think there's always value of having things that you're working towards . I think it's a human need . I think we're at our best when we're growing and evolving and becoming in search of that thing that we want .

But if we're not careful , we can really start to value or see the goal as the end destination and the place where , once we achieve that , that's when we'll be happy , that's when we'll feel good about ourselves , that's when we'll feel like we've made it , versus being able to divorce yourself from the outcome of the thing and valuing instead of the in-state outcome

, valuing the journey to getting there and who you're becoming as you're pursuing that thing . I think there's a big difference . And if we're not careful , if you're an achiever , you can really put off all of the joy and all of the satisfaction and , honestly , all of the appreciation of yourself on the journey and withhold that waiting for .

Well , I'll feel good or I'll finally be happy , or everything will finally be great in my life . My life will finally look the way I want it to look when I get all of these things done . And there's this mirage basically on the horizon of your life , kind of like you're in a desert and you're seeing this oasis of water .

It's always on the horizon and you never really get there .

So what we really have to do is find a way to , yes , continue to set the goal and to dream big and to listen to the things that we want to accomplish and to allow ourselves to go after that , but to , at the same time that we're striving for those things , find a way to be happy exactly where we are , even if none of those things ever comes to pass .

I know that might sound weird coming from a coach , because that's kind of what my business is about and in my membership , next level , that is what we're working on .

We're helping people reassess , we're helping people to elevate their career and their life , and , while I think that's incredibly important in terms of becoming actualized and really being in harmony with the things inside that are calling to you , we can't make that in the achievement of all of that , the source of how we feel about ourselves or the source of our

happiness and satisfaction with our life , we have to find a way to be worthy and sufficient right where we are and happy and content right where we are , with who we are in this moment .

Well , yes , we're allowing ourselves to dream big , so it's fine to have the thing on the horizon of your life a little thing , a big thing , whatever it is that you want , or a set of things that you want , but don't put off appreciating who you are or appreciating the value of the life you currently have , because you're focused on that thing .

And I think , as a society , that is what we do . I think we've probably always done it . I mean , the cliche keeping up with the Joneses is a cliche for a reason . It's like ever since the dawn of man , I think , we've probably all looked outside of ourselves , to others , to sort of assess and compare . Like how do we stack up ?

You know , even if you don't see yourself as a competitive person , I think it's just a human thing that we compare ourselves to our siblings , we compare ourselves to our extended family members , we compare ourselves to the neighbors , we compare ourselves to the work colleagues , even if we don't consider ourselves to be incredibly competitive , even if we think we're

running our own race . I do think it's inherent in human nature to look outside of ourselves and I think that's always been the case . Again , hence the cliche keeping up with the Joneses . But now , with social media , I really feel like that has just unleashed a beast . You know , of comparison .

So many people look at other people's perfect Instagram feeds of the perfect family vacations and the perfect family unit and the perfect wardrobe and the perfect All of it .

You know , hair , makeup , face , money , house , whatever it is that you're looking at on social media and it's really easy to say , well , I'm never gonna measure up to that , my life isn't okay the way it is right . So I kind of want to just offer up today some thoughts on what does it mean to measure success ?

And to do that , I want to borrow from a person I really admire , whose name is Dan Sullivan . I mean , if you've heard of him , but he's a coach and has been a coach I think , one of the first big name coaches , even before the life coaching industry sort of emerged .

I think he's been doing it for quite some time , like since the be very beginning of that , and he specializes .

He's an entrepreneur who specializes in teaching other entrepreneurs and he's written a couple of books , and one of the books that I'm gonna be referencing in this episode is called the gap and the gain , and this is a very interesting concept that he has Invented and all the details of it are outlined in this book .

So if you don't have the book , I just want to say before I get into this , please go and buy the book , and I would strongly encourage you .

While I like to read , sometimes I do like to buy audio books , and this is one I think you would really enjoy as an audio book , because His book , the gap and the gain , I think has been out for a while . I don't know all the details of it , but when I say a while , I think a couple decades .

I think it's been out for quite some time , but he has partnered with a PhD named Dr Benjamin Hardy .

We think it's one of his students , but he's also someone who's gotten his PhD in psychology , I believe and he is a huge fan of this construct the gap and the gain that was developed by Dan Sullivan , the coach , and they've written this book and there's an audiobook version of it that I downloaded on my iPhone , and the beauty of this audiobook is that there's

not only the chapters that they read to you , but at the end of each chapter there's a conversation About the concepts shared in the chapter that take place between Dan Sullivan and this Dr Benjamin Hardy , and I think the conversation and the perspectives that are shared are as valuable , maybe even more so , than the content of the chapter .

There's so much goodness in this book , and this episode is not going to focus on the entire book because there's simply too much amazing stuff To put into one episode , but I just want to take a small portion of what's in that book .

It's a concept that Dan Sullivan calls measuring success backwards , and so I'm talking about it today , because in a couple months , maybe even as early as a month , a lot of us are going to give up on our goals .

We're going to say today , maybe , or maybe last week , that we wanted to go do something big , maybe even something life-changing , you know , like losing a bunch of weight or getting fit again , or getting promoted , or Start finally starting the business , whatever it is for you , and we're going to be excited about that and we're going to maybe start pursuing that .

And Before too long we're going to , many of us are going to talk ourselves out of it because we're going to say it's just too hard , I'm never going to get there , I can't do it , it's going to take too long , I'm too old .

There's all of the things that your mind is going to tell you are too hard , and Some of you , many of you probably , are going to be tempted to give up on yourself , right ?

And then there's , I would say , another group of people who maybe don't give up but who just never allow themselves to acknowledge any of the progress they make , because they just feel like Nothing's ever good enough . You know , even if they're making significant Progress or momentum towards whatever that big goal is let's just say they wanted to lose 50 pounds .

Let's say they they're halfway there a lot of people are going to look at that , say , oh , this has already been so hard and I still have , you know , the same amount of weight to lose that I've already lost . You know , I'm never going to get there .

It's going to take too long , or I'm not going to get there in time for the big vacation I've got planned , or whatever it is . So we see this goal on the horizon and we feel like it's impossible . Or we don't allow ourselves to really appreciate all of the momentum we've got behind us .

We just look and see how far of a journey we still have to go in order to get to that ideal spot on the horizon right . Or there's another group of people who Just pound through their goals . You know it's like it feels like for some people .

I think we all go through periods like this , where you know the achievement of the things feels easier sometimes than it does at others . And For those folks , you know there's a Subsection of us that it's just never Enough .

We never allow ourselves to pause for even a minute and Acknowledge the achievement of the thing that maybe five years ago or ten years ago it seemed impossible . Right , whether that's a level of income or a title , or Maybe finally having the baby when you struggled to get pregnant or Whatever .

We all have so many things that sometimes take a while , you know , to get there . Some of us just keep going and there's just always a focus on the far horizon that that vision of the ideal life and the ideal set of things we would have as part of that life , that we never actually allow ourselves to To get to that place .

Because as soon as we kind of get to the place , then we have another bunch of goals . And I'm not saying that's a bad thing , because I think it's exciting to go after the things we want in life and it's good to have Goals .

What I am saying , though , and what I want to explore on this podcast episode , is how do we find a way to pause and appreciate where we are in pursuit of the goals and acknowledge , for more than a hot minute , the things that we've actually done and how far we've gone on the journey ?

You know , I think it's really , really important , and I think it's something that's very easy to forget .

So , to illustrate this , I wanna talk about this concept that Dan Sullivan talks about in his book the Gap and the Gain , and he talks about measuring success backwards , and this really resonated for me when I read the book , which is why I wanted to tease out just the small it's a small little piece of the entire book , because the book is much bigger than

this , but this is really , really important , and I think it's important for all of us at the beginning of the year when we're looking at the things that we wanna achieve , and this I'm gonna read you a short little excerpt from it , and then we'll talk about it .

So what he says is the only way to measure the distance you've traveled in life , in your career , whatever is by measuring from where you are right now back to the point where you started , not from where you are towards that edge of the horizon where you're envisioning the big thing .

Right , he's saying that in order to really have an appreciation for all the things that you've done and all the person you've become and the journey you've been on , is not by looking outside of yourself to your peers at work , to your neighbors , to your siblings , to your friends , but instead to look at yourself and where you started .

Whether you wanna go all the way back to the beginning of your life and look at where you are now Sometimes I allow myself to do that or whether it's just where you were five years ago versus where you are now , and just having an appreciation for how many steps down the path you are towards that light on the horizon or that image on the horizon of the

person or the life that you're dreaming of .

You just think about somebody who wants to get promoted except a lot of folks that I work with that are on a corporate journey , and crashing through some of the key levels in business isn't easy . So there are thresholds this is kinda what I talk to people about that I think are easier , usually in the early part of our career .

It can be fairly easy to move along at a pretty good clip . But there are not always . But for many of us there are thresholds from the manager or senior manager to a director level , which is usually the first level in most businesses of a junior executive . In some businesses a director is a senior executive , but it just depends on what industry you're in .

But it can be hard right To get from a manager level into a director level . That can take a while and sometimes people can sit there at a manager level and start to feel very , very discouraged . Same thing at the director level .

You can make many lateral moves at a director level , gain lots of valuable sideways experience as you sort of grow and deepen your skill set and stuff . But it can be very difficult to break through the next level to get to that VP level . And the same thing with the VP titles VP sometimes there's an AVP , vp , svp , evp , right . Getting up that chain .

Each one of those levels gets progressively harder , right Cause there's fewer seats available and a lot of people who want those seats , so the competition is fiercer .

And then finally breaking through from the VP levels into the C levels , super , super hard Cause there's just a very few seats available , and so the reason I share this is because a lot of people will convince themselves cause I've coached many of them that they'll be happy if they can just finally get to the director level .

They've been sitting in a manager level for five years and they're tired of it , right , and they feel like they've earned it , they've proven their worth .

And if they could just get to a director level and get that tiered compensation and really get that title , then they'll have checked off all these boxes , right , only to get that thing and then almost immediately dismiss the value of it .

I mean , sure , maybe they're happy with the comp and all that kind of stuff , but almost immediately there's another thing of dissatisfaction because what they realize is that the attainment of that thing didn't actually change much .

Yeah , probably got a more money and for a hot minute , maybe they allowed themselves to feel good about seeing that title in front of their name . But in the not too distant future they're going to realize that it didn't really change everything .

And many of those people again my clients , many of them will say well , I really need to be a senior director , like if I look across everyone that is my age or that started when I did . They're already at a senior director level . I'm behind , so I will be happy once I get that right .

And so , if we're not careful , we're always focused on the next thing as the place , the destination that we'll get to , where we're finally going to be happy , when in reality , what Dan Sullivan's talking about is that's the wrong focus .

There's nothing wrong with attaining a goal and saying , okay , congratulations , I'm going to fully appreciate everything I took to get here and , yes , I'm really proud of myself . But guess what ? Now I want something else . That's fine .

But what you don't want to do is say , well , I can't be happy now until I have the next thing , because that's placing all of your happiness and your worth and your value on the things that you plan to achieve in your life , versus on just your innate value as a human , which doesn't really require you to do anything .

There's nothing wrong with having goals , but our goals and the attainment of those goals don't make us any more worthy than anyone else , right ? It's just we have decided to go on a self-improvement journey and to there's the big things . We want to go , do Great , go do those things .

But we're all innately worthy , whether we have big , lofty goals or not , right ? And the attainment of a big , lofty goal doesn't make us any more worthy than anyone else , right ?

So I want to share a couple of thoughts on why it's important to kind of have a temperate approach to this and really to value the progress you're making , versus focusing only on the attainment of the thing that you're going for . Right ?

You don't want to have this idealized image of this future achievement and the positive impact it's going to make on your life . It's fine to have this idealized image , it's fine to want it , but what you want to do is to see the value of where you are .

Even though you've got a thing on the horizon that is calling out to you and drawing you to it , that doesn't diminish where you are today and the value of the things that you already have . And that is where happiness or discontent comes into play in our life .

That if we see our life as we're always putting off this feeling of well-being or happiness or contentment into some day in the future when we magically have assembled all of these things that we're dreaming about , it just means that we're never really living a life where we're really happy and the happiness doesn't come from anything outside of us .

It doesn't come from another person . It doesn't come from money . It doesn't come from anything the new house , the new car , the new job , the big title , the big , the new business it doesn't come from that . I'm not saying don't go for that , because I think it's fine to want that , but my point is you can be happy right where you are .

Some people call that learning to be sufficient in yourself , not looking for happiness outside of you or not looking for validation or self-worth outside of you . And one of the ways to do that , I think , is about learning how to be appreciative of where you are .

And even if where you are isn't fantastic today , even if maybe you're on the down cycle , maybe you've lost your job , maybe you've lost a relationship , maybe you've lost someone who's important to you has passed away , maybe someone is sicker In some way , you're struggling in this part of your life , I still believe that you can find sufficiency in today by looking

back , like Dan Sullivan is talking about , and measuring your success backwards , even if today isn't great . I know this was a tool . I wasn't even exposed to it , but this concept is a lot of what I used to get through the period when both of my parents were sick and dying .

I'm not going to go into the details , but if you go back into the spring of 2023 in my podcast , you'll see some episodes where I'm talking about that period , and one of them was six things I did to manage through a crisis .

That was talking a lot about some of the stuff of saying like , how do I , if my life is sort of collapsing , my life is , I know it with my family unit and you know I'm going to , I'm about to lose my parents and you know I'm having to be across the country one week a month after taking on a new job that doesn't really allow for remote work and taking

care of them . I talked about the six things that I did from a mindset perspective to keep not only to keep my sanity , but to find gratitude and an appreciation during , honestly , one of the worst 18 month periods of my entire life .

You know , knowing you're going to lose the two people who unconditionally love you and there's nothing you can do about it , and you've got the backdrop of a lot of other stressors going on in your life .

All that started a week after I started a new job , so it was pretty intense and I will just say that a lot of what he's talking about it was me not looking at anything around me , not at the pressures of my new job , not at how do I have the stamina to do this .

Because I was driving , you know , back and forth , which is a very long drive between St Louis and and Dallas , where I live , and St Louis went to , my parents lived and I , you know , one week a month because at that time , that summer , that it was all going on in the fall , all of the , for whatever reason , a lot of flights were getting canceled and I ,

I couldn't not go . So I'm just telling you all of that , because I used some of these principles and they work , and when I read his construct , I wish I'd read the book earlier , before I was going through all that , because a lot of his concepts would have really helped me even more .

But the point is that you have to find a way , no matter what's going on in your life , whether you're on an upswing or a downswing , to find sufficiency in where you are and if you have big goals , that you want , things that are sitting on the horizon of your life , that you hope to accomplish this year .

I'm not telling you to not have those goals , because I think that's a very good thing , but what I'm telling you is don't delay appreciating or valuing your life , or being happy in today or grateful for the people in your life , for the things that you have , because you don't yet have that big goal . Your goals are not here to bring you happiness .

Your goals are here to be something that you strive for that grow you . I believe that grow you into the next level version of yourself . But you're not going to be any more happy there than you are here .

That's the truth and that's the paradox of the whole thing , because a lot of times we think that the goals that we set and the things that we're going for are this idealized version of our life , that once we have it , we'll magically be happy , and when we believe that all we're really doing is taking away our opportunity to be happy .

So you got to find a way to find that in yourself today , and one of the ways is this measuring success backwards and to say , even if you're in a down cycle or if you have this huge thing ahead of you that you want to go do and it feels impossible .

It's really helpful when you're feeling discouraged or you're wondering what the point of the whole thing is or you know whatever like . Sometimes people can look at their life and see themselves as doomed , or they're just not lucky , or sometimes they can get really bitter about the challenges in their life or whatever .

And if you use this measuring success backwards and learn how to , instead of looking outside of yourself at the impossible goal or maybe you achieved a goal and looking at the people beside you and saying , oh , this goal is great and it's good that I did it , but look at these people . They're so much further ahead , so it's not enough .

I need to kind of do more so that I can be worthy too , then you're really you're doing yourself a disservice because you're not really acknowledging the most important thing , which is not everything that's going on outside of you or the people that are around you , but it's like who are you and where have you been and what journey have you been on ?

Right , where did you start ? That's the beauty of what Dan Sullivan's talking about here is to say , when you're feeling not great about where you are , it's good to take a look backward at where you've been and say , oh well , I may not be here , I may not have all of the things that I wanted , or even right now I may be in a challenging place , right .

But if I look back at all of the things that I've accomplished during my journey , I can find most of us can find all of us , if we really work at it confined contentment and pride and an appreciation for all of the things that we've done to make our life as good as we can make it .

There's always going to be a set of things that happened to us that we want and that we don't want . So you can't rely on the luck of the things that come your way to give you your sense of worth . You have to instead look within and value who you are and the journey that you've been on .

Because even if today doesn't look exactly the way you want it to look , I can promise you , if you look back 20 years ago , 30 years ago to you when you were still in school , that version of you looking at you today , even a challenge if you're in a challenged place would be an awe of where you are , and that's what we have to learn how to value is who

we've become and where we started . It's a new way of really looking at where you are in your life and allowing yourself to feel great about the decisions you've made , or even some of the bad decisions .

If you really look at it through a different lens of , well , what did that teach me and who am I now in terms of using those lessons that I learned , you can sort of even see some of the more challenging periods of your life in terms of being of enormous value instead of just a pointless waste of time , which , I think if you look at it through one lens ,

you could say well , what's the point of all of this difficulty ?

Well , there is a point , because if you really learn the lessons coming out of that and getting through that and climbing out of that difficulty , the person you've become because of that is a person who has many more tools in their arsenal and a lot more depth to their character and , hopefully , a lot more grit and resilience built to deal with anything that

might come your way in the future . And the other thing that comes from it is , if you look back with appreciation , measure your success backward .

It allows you to really see all of the things that you learned how to do and that you accomplished maybe through great adversity in some cases and it allows you to see that you actually have the ability to do all kinds of things that at one point you'd never done before and that Then , when you allow yourself to really see that and appreciate that about yourself

, it allows you to have even more confidence about your ability to achieve big new things in your future .

Right , if you never allow yourself to see or really appreciate the things that you've done or the journey that you've been on and the difficult things that you've gone through and made it through to bring you to hear , if you never allow yourself to acknowledge that you're never going to really enjoy the level of confidence that , honestly , you deserve to enjoy .

We have all , by the time we get to midlife , been on quite the journey , right , and there's a lot of things that have happened to all of us , good and bad , to get you to hear , and it isn't just the achievements of the things that we should appreciate about ourselves , but it's the resilience and the grit and the ability to weather the storms that we should

appreciate as well , and that's going to fuel your confidence for going forward . So that's really what I wanted to talk to you about today . You learn to look at your progress in any part of your career or life with an eye for how far you've come .

It not only makes you feel better about where you are in this moment , but it also allows you to feel more confident about some of the bigger things that you're hoping to accomplish in the future .

Just be sure that in the setting of your goals and the never-ending journey of actualization that many of us are on , don't forget to take a moment on a regular basis to measure your success backwards , so that you fully appreciate where you are today , because your value is not in those goals that are sitting out on the horizon .

Your value and worth as a human is just about the fact that you're a human and you're worthy . Absent anything that you've achieved , you're just worthy and your goals and achievement of those don't make you any more worthy .

But when you learn how to appreciate all of the things that you've done three steps forward , five steps back , all the dance that we all do in our lives to get you to hear I think it gives you a really solid appreciation for just the essence of you and there's real value in that I encourage you if you haven't read the Gap and the Gain , please go buy that

audiobook . I mean , I'm sure the book is good . I am going to buy the book because I like to read , but I have already listened to this audiobook . I think it's like five and a half hours long . I have listened to it three times in the past week .

So on my commutes I mean when I'm out running errands like this book is full , it oozes goodness and I really want everyone to read it because I think it is life changing stuff . But I wanted to tease out this simple concept that is just one tiny little part of that book about measuring success backwards , from Dan Sullivan .

I think it is a beautiful way to learn how to really appreciate yourself and how to find happiness in your life , right where you stand , even though you might have big goals on the horizon , even if you're not exactly where you want to be , and I think that is a really beautiful energy to take into your year .

So with that I will leave you until next time . Make it a great week . My friends , do you have a life coach ? If not , I'd be so honored to be your coach . I've created a virtual coaching program and monthly membership called Next Level . Inside , we take the material you hear on this podcast , study it and then apply it .

Join me at thepurposefulcareercom backslash next level . Don't forget the thepurposefulcareercom backslash next level . Join me and together we'll make your career and life everything you dream of . We'll see you there .