Ep 155: How to Channel Leading Lady (or Leading Man) Energy in your Career or Life

It's about having the clarity , self-confidence and unstoppable belief to go after and get everything you want . If you'll come with me , I'll show you how Well . Hello friends . I hope you had an amazing week . Today I want to talk about something that is inspired by one of my favorite holiday movies . Tis the Season right .

So I've already watched Love Actually twice , but the scene that I'm talking about is not from Love Actually , which is probably my favorite holiday movie , but it is from my very close second favorite holiday movie , which is called the Holiday , and I don't know if you've seen it or not . It has Cameron Diaz , kate Winslet , jude Law , jack Plack .

It was from like the mid 2000s , so 2006-ish , and I love that movie . So if you haven't seen it after this episode , hopefully you'll be inspired to go see it , because it's really charming and I think you'll enjoy it . But specifically , I want to talk about what I'm calling leading lady energy . Of course , if you're not a woman , you're a man .

Same thing applies Leading male energy or leading man energy . It's inspired by a scene from that movie , but if you don't know the premise , let me just tell you globally what the premise is . It's a Nancy Meyers movie , which you know .

I love her , but it's about this woman who's from a London based and she works in the publishing industry , and she's had this long standing crush on a coworker , and I guess they've been romantically involved at points , and he's just , it's an unrequited love .

He's , you know , kind of a playboy , I guess , enjoying his singleness , and I think he uses Iris's affections as a crutch to make him feel better when he's not doing so well himself , but he doesn't really feel about her the way she feels about him , and so she takes a two week holiday and leaves London and does some kind of a home exchange with Cameron Diaz's

character , who is having similar romantic issues , and they switch places .

So Cameron goes to London , kate Winslet's character goes to Los Angeles , los Angeles , and while Kate Winslet's character is in Los Angeles , she meets Jack Black , who becomes sort of a slower growing romantic interest for her , and interestingly , though , is the relationship that she forms with the next door neighbor , that's Cameron Diaz's next door neighbor and he's an

older gentleman , probably supposed to be in his 80s ish , maybe a little older , and they become very friendly and she takes him to dinner one night early in their acquaintance and I just want to talk to you about the dialogue they have is just a couple of minutes , but it's the premise for what I want to talk about in this episode .

So the older gentleman , they're sitting in this restaurant and Iris is telling him her story of her unrequited love and they have this conversation where Arthur the older gentleman says to her Iris , that's her character's name In the movies we have leading ladies and we have the best friend .

You , I can tell , are a leading lady , but for some reason you're behaving like you're the best friend . And Iris says you're so right , you're supposed to be the leading lady of your own life , for God's sake .

And so when I heard that , I thought it was so charming and I won't go into the rest of the scene , but you can either watch the movie for yourself or there's little snippets . You could find that scene probably on YouTube . In fact I might put it up .

I'll check the copyright thing , but I might put it up on my Instagram or Facebook page this weekend because I do think it is such a charming and , I think , poignant scene . And he's talking to her about something that I think for his story , I think for his generation , was probably a word that was used a lot .

I don't hear a lot these days , Maybe you do , but he's basically talking to her about what she needs is gumption , and he's talking about all of these leading ladies of the past and some of these movies from the earlier days of cinema , and he gives her this little watch list to go rent these movies and start to channel or model leading lady energy is how I

would put it . He wants her to show some gumption in her own life and stop kind of taking the crap from the guy who's not treating her right .

So it's very charming and it's really interesting and I but I want to talk for a minute about the definition of gumption and then we'll dive in , because you know it's not a word I use a lot and you kind of get the sense that it's about being a little feisty or whatever .

But you know , I wanted to look up , like what is actually meant by that and so I checked various sources . You know it can range from being about , you know , showing some initiative , showing some enterprise .

The Cambridge English Dictionary describes it as the ability to decide what's the best thing to do in a particular situation and to do it with the energy and determination it requires . I think that's a really great definition . Dictionarycom describes it as initiative , resourcefulness . It also says aggressiveness , but I would change that to assertiveness .

I don't love the word aggressive , I think it takes a dark turn . You know , assertiveness is great courage , spunk , guts or some other words backbone , grit , guts , moxie , fortitude , strength of mind , things like that . So that's all from vocabularycom . So you can see that , as Arthur's telling her , gumption is a really good thing to have .

And my question for you , as we walk through this episode , I'm going to give you five ways that a leading lady channels that leading lady energy . I think that's interesting to look at , both because my inspiration for this episode came from a movie , but also right now I'm working in the entertainment field , in the movie industry .

That's my latest corporate gig and I'm loving it because I love the movie . So it just seemed appropriate on every way to talk about leading lady energy . So when you go through and listen to this episode and these five things I want you to ask yourself .

I want you to have the definition of gumption in the back of your mind and ask yourself , like , how well are you channeling those words that embody what gumption means , right in your own career or , honestly , any aspect of your life , maybe like a little bit of a little bit of the character that you're channeling and that's what you're channeling but , honestly ,

any aspect of your life ? Maybe , like Iris , the character in the movie , you too have romantic issues , or maybe they're showing up in other relationships and other ways , or maybe it's just you're kind of not stepping into your fullest potential in either your corporate career or the business that you run . Energy problem can show up for any of us at any time .

So let's dive into the five things that leading ladies do to kind of channel that leading lady energy , because I think it's interesting to kind of unpack it and take a look at

it . So , number one obviously the leading lady is comfortable taking center stage , right ? She is not someone who doesn't know how to embrace stepping into the limelight . She's always in the limelight , she's always being interviewed , she goes on those press junkets where she's promoting the movie , and if she's a stage actress .

She understands exactly how to step center stage when the lights go down and every eye in the auditorium is looking at her , and she is perfectly comfortable taking that role in the production . This is one that I , as kind of a lifelong introvert , I sort of have challenges with sometimes .

I think some folks who know me would be like really , I don't know about that , but it is true , and I think folks who've known me for a very long time would say that , even though there's one part of me that likes being center stage and likes being the leader and likes , you know , being able to express their opinion and having others look to them for the

expression of the opinion , sometimes it's a struggle , I'm not going to lie , but not for the leading lady . Like she's looking for that spotlight .

There's something inside of her , a self belief , a knowing about what her destiny is , about what she truly wants , and so she doesn't shy away from the spotlight , she commands it and she steps into that energy and puts on that persona .

Night after night , performance after performance , scene after scene , she's in the energy and fully embodying the leading lady and the character in that role or in that production . That is what she's doing . And I think the analogy for you is you know how , are you stepping into center stage in your life or are you ? Are you hiding from it , right ?

Are you shying away ? Maybe you're doing it fine in one area , maybe you're totally comfortable in your career . I would say this is probably me sort of pretty comfortable in your career , totally comfortable like stepping into that role , taking up that mantle , you know , being confident in who you are .

But there's other places maybe in your life where maybe not so much . Maybe it's in the romantic area where it's like not so sure , right , maybe you've had a couple of bad experiences and you're just not comfortable doing it again .

Or you know , maybe in your career you used to be totally comfortable and then something happened that you know kind of jarred you a little bit or pulled the rug out . Maybe you got laid off or downsized or something like that happened and it forced you to kind of rethink whether or not you were actually good at what you do .

And so now you find yourself kind of on the periphery , sort of afraid to step fully , step in to your you know true power in your role . And you know , I think this can happen too , depending on the culture you're in .

I've found that , like there's some cultures that I feel totally comfortable in and there are other cultures , I would say those that are more mired down in corporate politics and have very strong old school sort of power structures . I don't like those kinds of cultures for me .

They don't work well for me and I'll do it , but it's much more exhausting for me to go center stage and they don't tend to work out well for me . I'm not happy usually when I'm in that . So sometimes it can be the vibe of a place that keeps you from really being comfortable taking center stage .

And I would say , you know , as you kind of think this through for yourself , that's a good thing to know , and maybe it's something that you haven't been really in touch with up till now .

So if you're in a place , if you work for someone else or whatever , that you don't feel safe or you don't like the vibe of the place or you don't trust the people that work around you , it might be a good time to start thinking about a pivot , and that's one where I would say if that's your vibe and how you feel about it , I don't think you can change

something like that just by changing how you think about it . I know I'm all in on the cognitive behavioral therapy approach to coaching , but thoughts don't always change things the way we need them to , and I think the culture of a place or the energy of the people around you .

You can't really change that , right so , but what you can know about yourself is how you feel when you're in that , whether you can change the way you function in that and make yourself okay and at your strongest in that .

And if you can't , I think it's a good time to change your circumstance , like change your job , put some thought into it , find a place that works better for you , right so ? That's number one is that a leading lady is totally comfortable center stage with the spotlight on her , you know , in those moments where it's necessary .

So not saying you're a narcissist and always everything's about you , but I'm just saying that is a place where , if you're truly channeling leading lady energy , you just need to be comfortable being center stage , right ? So that's number one . Number two a leading lady is confident in her delivery and the delivery of her lines .

Right , if you want to take it to a movie production , she's clear , she knows her lines , she's prepared right and she's very confident in how she delivers them , with all of the nuances necessary to embody that character .

So if we take this over into your life and we think about you , know , if you're in the corporate arena , how comfortable are you speaking up about issues , opportunities , ideas you have ? How comfortable are you speaking up in meetings where things might not be going well ? Right , how confident are you in that role ?

Because if you're truly channeling leading lady energy , you would be confident , right .

No matter what , no matter where anyone else's head is at , you can always there's always room in every room for someone who's clear , who's well-informed and who's confident to speak up , because those are the people who can solve the problems , those are the people who can stop the swirl and , honestly , those are the people that get promoted right .

People notice , even if they don't love that . You know you're taking the vibe of a room that's kind of stuck and everyone's sort of feeding off of this victim mentality .

Sometimes , when someone steps forward and suggests a solution that you know can solve it , there's a certain percentage of the room that is happy about that and there's also a percentage of the room that thinks who's this little bossy pants right . Why is she so sure that she's got all the answers to our problems ?

And some people kind of don't like to have the problem solved . They like to stay stuck right and there's certain corporate cultures where they're stuck , cultures where things don't move forward right . I have been in a few of those , so it's not fun .

And when you're in one of those rooms and you're trying to keep the ball moving down the court or down the field , you know people can look at you and think who does she think she is ? But when you do it from a place of truly like trying to move things forward , and you're doing it in an appropriate yet very confident way , it gets noticed right .

Same thing in your business Like if you've got your own business and you need to , you know you accept a speaking engagement , you need to step center stage . Are you dreading that ? Or are you like in number one , confident , you know comfortable stepping center stage and too confident in your delivery , like that's the thing .

Or if you're getting on , if you're thinking it's an online business and you're doing these Facebook lives , are you confident ? Are you sitting in that confidence on your video while you're talking to your target audience ?

That is important and you can channel that confidence anytime by making sure that you're informed and have a very clear perspective on the things that you wanna say and that you own your ability and your right and have a strong belief in the fact that the things that you share can help people or a situation move forward .

So that , to me , is about channeling that leading lady energy , confidence , which we're talking about in number two . That's how you do it , like you are not shying away from those situations . You're not standing on the sidelines watching the unfortunate things unfold in the meeting .

You are stepping forward and you realize that , even if things don't go well the first time , that you'll run at it again and again because you have a strong belief and confidence in who you are and in your ideas . So that's number two . You are confident in your delivery .

Number three you know how to command a stage , and this is different than taking being comfortable in the spotlight .

Number three knowing how to command a stage , is the energy you bring with you when you enter a room , and I have had some rooms where I do it well and I've had other rooms where I don't Not comfortable there , right , and I just wanna submit to you , even if you're in a place where , at work , maybe you're not totally comfortable with the vibe of the place .

While my recommendation stands like if you're in a culture that just doesn't work for you and it drains your energy every day and you feel not quite at your best all the time .

I'm a big fan of changing the environment , right , you can't change the vibe of a culture as one person , but this is the caveat to that While you're looking for your thing , while you're still there , you still have to be .

If you're the leading lady energy , if you're channeling that , if you're channeling the leading lady energy , you still need to have a presence about you , the leading lady energy presence . You need to be able to walk into a room , even a tough room , even a room where you know there might be some bullets flying .

You've got to command that stage and you know it when you see it . If you've seen other people man or woman walk into a room and people just kind of sit up a little straighter , they notice , they're drawn to that person . Right , they're a force , right , a leading lady . She's a force when she walks into the room .

People notice , she acts boldly , she speaks confidently , she stands tall , she carries herself in a certain way . She stands a little straighter , she puts herself together in a really stylish you know , pulls her package together , she doesn't just kind of throw anything on and you know haphazardly apply her makeup and select her jewelry like she's put together right .

And you can be that no matter where you're at in your life . And I will tell you that when you do that it makes you feel better , it makes you stand a little taller , it makes you carry yourself differently when you treat yourself like you . Matter may not be the right place for you .

You may not be thrilled about walking into a room where in five minutes , bullets are gonna be flying , maybe in your direction , but you can still sit tall , have a good presence in the room and make eye contact , look people in the eye , you know . Drop your shoulders down , don't be sort of all scrunched up Like .

Open your body language up to the room , no matter how many bullets are flying , and be confident saying what you're saying , even if you know that it's not gonna be , maybe at least on the first pass , adopted welcome opinion and you know an adopted , adopted opinion .

It doesn't matter , it's like you can still believe in your perspective and carry yourself like you're a force . You know how to command a stage and that room in your corporate life is your stage , and that Facebook live or Instagram live in your business if you're also running a business or if you run that instead of being in corporate that is your stage .

Stand tall , speak clearly , look the camera in the eye , look the people in the eye and know that you're saying something , you're delivering something that's important , that's well-informed and that you're very confident about . So that is number three that you know how to command a stage .

Number four this is important if you look at leading ladies across their acting career listen like if you've read any stories on Meryl Streep , on Jennifer Aniston , on any of them they know how to roll with the setbacks .

It is an unkind industry , I think , for men and women , but probably especially women , and anyone who has been in the limelight knows how to roll with it right , not only during the good times , not only when they're in the amazing movie and getting all the great press and all of that and on the covers of all the magazines .

But they know how to deal with rejection .

They know how to deal with casting directors or producers or whatever who are telling them you need to lose 15 pounds , even if they really don't right , or you look too old for the role , or whatever mean things they get told , and they do get told many mean things , I think , in that industry , because it's a very it's really a lot about their visual persona .

It's about way more than that , but that's kind of the first gate , and I think it would be devastating to just hear rejection after rejection .

I mean , I think at the beginning of I won't remember it right , but I read an article on Jennifer Aniston at the beginning of her career , and I guess it was before she sort of really got into fitness and really embraced the regular workouts and all that kind of stuff , and , granted , she was never , never a person that , for an average real person in real

life needed to lose weight , but she was told really mean things that she just was too heavy and all that kind of stuff , and while that's not necessarily helpful and even true , it's part of that industry . So I'm not really trying to make a comment on that . But what I am saying , though , is more from her perspective , she could have just quit right .

She could have said there's nothing wrong with me because there wasn't right . She could have gone into a different part of the entertainment industry or she could have , you know , not behind the , you know in front of the camera , or she could have done anything else with her life , because she seems like a really smart person and all that kind of stuff .

But she didn't . She wanted to do what she did and so she stayed with it and she dusted herself off and she just got back there and did you know , casting call after casting call after casting call and finally started landing roles in movies .

And even when she landed , like some of her early roles like that I never even saw it , but like she did some horror movie , like was it the Grimlins or something like that , and then she of course won the Friends thing with it changed her entire life . And now look at her , she's still .

She's now in her early fifties and she's still doing amazing things , like I love her morning show on Apple , like she just

never stops . So my point here is that for any leading ladies that have had any type of career of longevity , or just even anyone who puts themselves out there in any way in that industry , I have to say like they're very gritty and resilient . It takes Self-belief , it takes gumption like .

Listen to those words , like backbone , grit , guts , moxie , right spunk , courage . That's what's meant , that's what gumption embodies , and I think we all need that . We think about your own life , like if you're someone who Maybe is struggling right now in your career .

Maybe you're in one of these firms that has downsized through no fault of your own , and you find yourself , you know , questioning yourself like your own value , your own Self-worth , and whether or not you know , if you're of a certain age , at midlife , whether you'll find Another role that's as good as the one you're in .

I have to say you have to channel that gumption , that the leading lady energy that actresses have to have . An actor , as I guess too , you're gonna get Rejection . It might take you 50 interviews Before you get the yes . You know You're gonna have to contend with failure in your career , even if you are a lady .

Lady you're gonna have to Deal with a bad performance , like some actresses do . You might be a great actress , but I watched I can't remember what it was . I watched a Meryl Streep movie from back in the 90s and it was not good and I don't think I would have ever said that about a Meryl Streep movie .

It wasn't even a well-known movie it was about I can't remember the name of it now , but it was about something about her son was accused of committing a murder of his girlfriend . It turns out it was all an accident , but it was a bad performance in a bad movie and yet she came back from that to do many other Oscar-winning things .

So you kind of have to Roll with it . I think is the lesson to take from the leading ladies is that they know how to deal with setbacks and Rejection and a bad performance or failure .

And they still get up and they do it again because they love what they do and they believe in themselves and they know that next time is a good time to show that they actually are a world-class actress and they are Determined . No matter what flop they just might have come out with , the commercial flop , the next movie can have them on the Oscar stage right .

So that's leading lady energy . You know how to deal with setbacks , rejection and failure . That's number four and number five a leading lady knows her worth and Asks for what she wants .

So you know , in the entertainment industry I would imagine that is about Not only going for the big role , not shying away from it , like if you're just coming off of a failure or a rejection . Like you're , you're throwing your hat back in the ring and you believe that you have the ability .

You know to bring that home , to get the offer , to get the role right . But I think it's also about like , knowing your worth is about you know negotiating well . Like Granted she does that she has the benefit of doing that through an agent , whereas those of us in corporate usually don't get the higher ranks .

I know some executives have hired attorneys to do their , their contract negotiation for them . But we all , most of us , don't have that . We have to do it ourselves . But still , you know , do you accept the first offer To accept the low ball offer , or do you say no ? Like I've done my research .

I know what people in this get paid in general in the marketplace . I know what , that . I've checked last door . I know what they're paying other people at that position in a range . And I'm gonna . I'm gonna do it more because I know I can and I know I'm worth it .

Right , you ask for what you want if you are Outperforming everyone at work and you know it and your boss knows it and you've sort of had some of those roles but you're still not getting the proactive promotion .

If you're coming up , like many people are , on Review season , now is the time to start positioning yourself in your mind and Asking for what you want . You may not get it , but there is no harm in asking , right . And that's about telling your story . That's about owning your narrative .

That's about honestly knowing your value , your strengths and your weaknesses and really you know , kind of Comparing yourself in a dispassionate way to those who are also at your level who's delivering the most value on the most consistent basis ? Right . And looking at that next level up and saying how close am I to that ?

Not in a self-delusional way , but in a in as accurate a way as you can . And I think if we all Put our ego aside , we're all capable of looking at a situation realistically , right . But you know , even if you're told no , you still need to know and own yourself worth , Right . If your company Doesn't see that in you .

But you truly have done the math and done the comparisons and you see it in you , you know you're ready for that next level , then there's no harm If you've asked and they've said no , not this year or no , I don't see you ever in that .

It's time , maybe , to start looking at a different company , one where you really can Bring your full force and receive the full benefit for doing that right . And I think that is about just never wavering , never letting a previous disappointment or Maybe a previous poor performance on your part permanently keep you on the sidelines .

This is about you know , knowing your worth relative to your peers and an asking for what you want and Not being afraid to do that . So those are five ways that you can channel leading lady energy . I just want to run through those really quick again . Number one the leading lady is comfortable center stage , so she does not shy from the spotlight .

Number two she knows her lines , so she's prepared would be the analogy and she's clear and Confident in her delivery of those lines . That's you and your role in corporate right or your business . Number three she knows how to command a stage .

So this is about her presence , are her aura and the way she carries herself and the way she enters a room and the way she expresses herself through every part of her being , not only her eye contact and her posture , but how she puts herself together . You know her style , her manner of speaking , her tone , all of it . That is about commanding a stage right .

Be the leading lady . That's number three . And number four she knows how to deal with setbacks or roll with it , because we all know life and career and business it's a series of highs and lows , like it doesn't never go for anyone in a straight line , it's not linear . There's always some kind of fork in the road ahead .

You know that we're all having to deal with all the time , and so you just need to be able to roll with it . Even if there's a disappointment , a failure , a setback , rejection , pick yourself up , you know and believe in yourself . Right , and take it in stride and just don't be afraid to throw your hat in the ring again for the next thing that comes along .

Don't make it mean anything about you . And number five you ask for what you want . A leading lady asks for what she wants , even if she's coming off a failure or a setback or bad performance .

Right , she knows her worth , she stands tall in that self-belief and she's not afraid to ask for what she wants , whether it's the big roll or whether it's the big salary , right , and the same can be true for you .

So those are the lessons , and it is all summed up in what Arthur from the movie the Holiday calls gumption backbone , grit , guts , moxie , right , the ability to decide the best thing to do in a particular situation , and they have the energy and determination to do it . I want to leave you with one last thought .

If you were going to demonstrate gumption in your life , that feeling right , all of those words I read off , those are emotions , and we know that emotions come from your thoughts , not from the circumstances that you find yourself in . So if you were going to channel those words and that emotion , what kinds of things would you have to be thinking about yourself ?

Right ? That is a very interesting self-coaching exercise that you could do . How well you know , are you channeling gumption ? What are the thoughts you have now and what emotions are they creating ? And how close are those , those emotions , to the gumption words ? How gritty do you feel ? How much backbone do you think you have ?

How much moxie do you demonstrate right , on a regular basis fortitude , strength of mind , all of that . And then start with that emotion and say , if I was going to feel that , what would I have to think about myself . What would I have to believe about myself ?

That's a very interesting reversal , and wait into what it would take for you to actually step into leading lady energy in your life .

So the last thing I'll say is , if you have not watched the holiday , please watch . It is very charming . Love Kate Winslet always , but she's fantastic in this movie and Jack Black is playing against type . He's actually playing the romantic lead for her and it works . They're adorable together .

So it's a very fun , feel good movie about a woman who learns how to step into her power and her life , and she does it beautifully and you can do the same . So with that I'll leave you till next time . Make it a great week . My friends , do you have a life coach ? If not , I'd be so honored to be your coach .

I've created a virtual coaching program and monthly membership called next level . Inside we take the material you hear on this podcast , study it and then apply it . Join me at the purposeful careercom backslash next level . Don't forget the purposeful careercom backslash next level . Join me and together we'll make your career and life everything you dream of .

We'll see you there .