Ep 134: How to Know if Your Brand Narrative is Empowering You or Holding You Back

It's about having the clarity , self-confidence and unstoppable belief to go after and get everything you want . If you'll come with me , i'll show you how Well . Hello friends . I hope you had an amazing week .

Today I want to talk about something that builds off of what we discussed last week , which was about the role of a personal brand , and I shared some perspective on how corporations think about the different components of their brand and the ways in which that structure can help them create emotional attachment to the customers that they're targeting And really the most

powerful brands , the ones that are probably your favorites . There are aspects of those brands that really , in a very meaningful way , align with things that you care about , and so , in very much the same way , we all have a personal brand . It's just , i have found , for most people it is being shaped by default , right , and that's what we discussed last week .

We talked about the different components of a brand and how for us most of us . Anyway , going back to our very early days , as we were growing up in our family of origins , we were children .

The image of ourself starts to get shaped by the people around us , really as a function of who they are and their own self image and beliefs and who they are in the world , and it starts to also get shaped by , maybe , socioeconomic factors , ethnic origins , religious origins and even gender roles and even birth order , things like that .

All of that starts to shape how we look at ourselves , which is the lens that we use to go into our life , going forward , and those beliefs then color the decisions we make , how we show up , And that then typically only serves to reinforce the very early self image that was placed on us by the people that helped to raise us or were big influences in our

life in our early days . And so sometimes that image , that self image , is one that serves you , but I have found that many times maybe not in every way , but in some ways there are ways that we've developed of looking at ourselves and therefore our life and our possibilities that doesn't serve us .

And so that's the importance , i think , of realizing that you're not just , not just quote , unquote .

Who you are in midlife you're who you've been being because of who you believe you are based on your early programming right And sometimes there are things that can happen to us either very purposeful choices that we make , or sometimes there are activities or times in our life where meaningful people will come into our life and they help us to see ourselves in a

different way . Maybe it's an educator , maybe it's a coach , maybe it's some type of a family member or even an early boss or things like that , and those influences sometimes can override some of the early programming we got .

But even if you don't have that , and even if you're at 50 or 60 or even older doesn't matter how old you are you can hit pause , as we discussed last week , and you can decide who you want to be going forward , and maybe that's not a complete reinvention , but it can be if you want it to be .

It could be a simple edit where you're looking at the different components of your personal brand and you're deciding what you want to remove and new things you want to add in so that it enables the future that you're looking to have .

Or sometimes you can just completely blow it up and reinvent , and I know that sounds impossible and it sounds probably not true , but it is true . You can do this at any age , whether you're 15 or 75 , it doesn't matter how old you are .

It's really about getting clear on how you've been showing up , where all those things come from and , most importantly , are they serving you ? Are these beliefs and ways of looking at yourself and ways of presenting yourself in the world and ways of creating the experience people have with you Are they serving you or are they not serving you ?

And if they are not in any way , whether it's in small ways or big ways , you can completely reinvent . So that's what we talked about last week and I want to continue on in that series .

But before we dive in to today's episode , i do want to invite you to go over to my Instagram and click on the link in my bio , and there's a link where you can sign up for one of two master classes that I have scheduled for later this month .

So they're on a weekend , because I know people work and are busy and they're in the afternoons , so hopefully you'll be able to have time to do it . There's one on July 22 and one on July 23 . I really hope that you join me for those . I think you'll really enjoy it .

We're going to explore in more depth what are the components of a personal brand , how you start to look at yourself in those ways and identify the areas that are serving you or not . I think it's going to be an action packed hour . I think you'll really enjoy it and I really hope you join me . I'm going to go on over to Instagram at the purposeful career .

By the way , if you're not following me there , please do . I do want to say I took the entire month of June off from social . I really needed it . I think I've talked before on this podcast . It's been a really tough year .

I lost both my parents , and that was difficult in and of itself , but just all of the components of the year taking care of them , bouncing back and forth between Dallas and St Louis on a regular basis . It was a lot . I needed to simplify some aspects of my life . I chose to take the entire month of June off from social media .

I'm going to spin it back up this week . Usually I'm much more active . I post several times a week and I hope you join me there and my growing following and , most importantly , sign up for my masterclass . I think you'll enjoy it . Click on the link in my bio and it'll take you to a button . It's the top button on there .

You can just click on that , enter your name and email and pick your time that you want to attend . With that now we're going to dive into today's episode . It's going to build off of something we touched on last week , which is around your brand narrative or your brand story . You may not think you have one , but I promise you that you do .

Today I want to go a little bit deeper and we're just going to explore the idea for a moment on . What is it and how does it start to shape all of the decisions we make really every day ? We all have a story that we tell ourselves about ourselves .

I think , judging from the amount of people I interact with and the number of people I've coached , and even myself friends , family I will say that most of us at some point maybe not permanently , but at some point we all get stuck in the story that we're telling ourselves .

It's very easy to think that the story we're telling ourselves about ourselves is just true . We think it's not a choice . We think that this is just the way I am , this is just who I am . These are just the things that happen to me .

The problem with that is , unless that is a very empowering story you're telling yourself and for most people I would say , it's not .

At least in some ways it's not it's going to hold you back from the things that you want and you're going to naturally think smaller about the things that are possible for you , especially in midlife I would say at any time in your life , but usually when people are younger I think they feel like they're more pliable , that they can still reshape .

But I have found because I specialize in midlife and I define that as late 30s , like 39-ish , up to say 60-ish It's those middle years when we're right in the thick of it , when we've got all of the things going on in our lives , and we can kind of think at that point that we're sort of set , that this is just who I am .

And if that is not fully empowering or not fully aligned with your inner hopes and dreams , you're setting yourself up for a very disappointing and , i would say , less fulfilling life than what you could have . And so what I want to talk about on this episode is what is an inner narrative ?

And I'm going to ask you some questions so that you can kind of take a look at your own . That's what we want to do on today's episode , so let's go ahead and dive in Now .

I'm going to keep it really simple here , because last week we kind of got into the different components of the brand And it was a fairly brand strategy and the different components and the things that make up the brand .

It's all important , but there's a lot of different things and it can get a little confusing And that's why I think you should join my masterclass , because I think you'll really enjoy learning a little bit more about it and exploring it . But today I want to keep this really simple . Your brand narrative is really just the story you're telling yourself about you .

Now that doesn't just happen .

As I've said , it goes all the way back to our family of origin , to ourselves when we were very small , and the people that were around us , the people that raised us , the authority figures in our lives , the other things , the other factors that go into that around religious upbringing or gender norms or ethnic influences or even birth order .

I think has a huge role . All of that starts to shape how we look at ourselves . But what I want you to understand is that isn't true . Those things that got put in you are not just truths .

They're really other people's truths and other people's perspectives that got projected onto you and then your young mind took all of those things in and they became sort of data points , if you will , in your mind that you're not even aware , got stored away And then those things start to shape the things that we do , the choices that we make , what we believe is

possible for ourselves , what we allow ourselves to try and attempt , and all of those things . It becomes our filter really for our life and how we go through our life . And then what happens is that as we grow and continue on with our you know , i talked before on a podcast about the importance of our first 40 years . That's kind of our societal checklist .

That's when we're not only learning all the things for the first 18 to 22 years of our life or in school , but even sort of the early career stage where we're making choices about , you know , our career and we're making choices about partnerships or making choices about friendships . We're making choices about whether we want to have kids or not .

You know where we want to live . All of that stuff gets done in our societal checklist from zero to 39-ish or 40 .

And that's why I think by the time we get to midlife 39 , 40 , up to 60 , we just feel like , well , i'm done checking the list , i've become who I'm going to be because of just quote , unquote the way I am , and so this is where I'm at , this is what's possible for me , and I can't . I might dream of doing something bigger .

I might dream of having my own business , i might dream of writing the book , i might dream of whatever you know doing , whatever your dream is , but most people won't do it .

They might try it , they might dream about it , they might dabble at it as a hobby , but they won't really go all in and do it because they don't really believe that it's who they are , that it's possible for them . And that is because your inner narrative that got formed very early and just kept getting reinforced because it became your filter for the world .

It colored all the decisions you made and you generally probably found yourself in situations that reinforced that early image . You didn't probably challenge that unless you were lucky enough to have maybe a big influencer come into your life maybe a coach , maybe some type of a music teacher , an educator of some that was really inspiring to you .

Maybe you got into self-help and started following some thought leaders and started to really question things for yourself when you were younger . Maybe you had a boss early on who helped you to see yourself in a new way .

Some of those disruptors positive disruptors can start to crack holes in the you know narrative that was formed when we were very young And I would say , crackles in a good way , like I do think it is always important to question what we're telling ourselves about ourselves .

Maybe it serves us , but most of the time there are components in that story that don't right And I think we don't pay attention to that . We don't even believe that it's ours to shape .

We kind of just feel like it's who we are in the world and this is just the way that it is , and even if you're not sure that's what you truly believe , that you're just kind of set at midlife that you are who you are .

I want you to kind of leave yourself open to questioning that as we walk through some of the questions I'm going to ask you and some of the things I want you to explore , and I think you might realize that there are some aspects of the way that you're looking at yourself that haven't been entirely aligned with all of the hopes and dreams that maybe you

secretly have for your future , right ? So let's go into some questions . If our inner narrative is the story that we tell ourselves what I mean by that ? to get really literal , i'm not necessarily talking about that we have the story that we're repeating in our head . We're probably not entirely aware of it .

It typically will come in the form of little phrases that we tell ourselves .

When we want to go , do something that maybe scares us a little , or put ourselves out in the world in a new way or show up in a more visible way in our own life , right , and when we do that or we think about doing that , that's when the story that we're telling ourselves typically starts to appear .

Right . For some people who might have a very empowered brand story that they believe anything's possible for themselves , if they think about doing something very scary , they get excited about that , right , and they've got a brand narrative that just instantly heads into how do I make that happen , right ?

But for most of us , there are components , and sometimes there are more than components in our heads . Sometimes there are people in our life that reinforce the story that we have Could be a spouse , could be a best friend , could be a relative , a parent , and many times well .

In both instances , whether it's the story you're telling yourself or it's a story that other people tell you about yourself that doesn't fully empower you , always that story is coming from fear . Sometimes the people around us don't necessarily support all of the big enlarging things that we might wanna go do with our life , because for them it represents change .

If you change , they risk you changing the dynamics of your relationship . It's gonna change something for them in some way , and most people don't like change , especially when it's changed they don't control right . So that's why sometimes you can find yourself around people who are trying to reinforce . You can't do that . This is who you are . That's too scary .

Don't put yourself out there . That's dangerous , like all of that stuff . And even if we have very empowering people around us , sometimes we're telling ourselves that we can't do it right . And so I want you to start by thinking about one thing . I think it'd be easier to do it in this context .

Let's think about that secret dream that you have , and if you don't have one , let's get one right . I want you to think about something that may not represent a total blow up of your life . It may just be a significant up-leveling of what you already have .

So maybe you're in corporate and you like it and you like what you do , but maybe you've been at the same level for a while . Right , and what if you had a recruiter call tomorrow , tomorrow morning , and offer you a job that was two to three levels above where you are now ? what would your response to that be ? Not to the recruiter , but inside your head ?

Would you get excited by that ? Would you think I am in , this is for me , i am all about it ? Would you do that ? or would you say no ? Would you think I can't do that ? Like that sounds great but I'd fail ? Or what if I don't have what it takes ? Like what ? I want you to answer that question like . What would your response to that be ? And why ?

If you're a business owner and you've got let's just say you're a consultant and you're at 600,000 annual revenue or something , it's just you and maybe a couple of contractors that are helping you . What if , tomorrow , a new lead came in that called you , that had a referral from one of your existing clients one of your happy existing clients ?

And what if they offered you a job scope that would double your revenue , but it was gonna require you to be higher a person or two and really show up in a much more visible way in the market . What would your response to that be ? Would you be excited ? Would you be all about it ?

Would you be ready to jump in there and do what it takes to kind of make that happen ? Or would you turn it down ? Would you say , no , i can't handle a business that big . No , it's gonna take too much of my time Like .

I want you to examine those two scenarios If you're on the corporate track or if you have your own business and I want you to think about what your response to the big opportunity would be . Just pretend like it's real and what comes up for you . I want you to write down your thoughts , all of them .

Put the big opportunity at the top of the page , whether you're on the corporate track or you're on the business track , and I want you to think about that really happening . Put yourself in that situation .

And then I want you to write down all the things that you think , all of the fear-based thoughts , all of the empowered thoughts , all of the nay-sang , all of the positivity . Whatever comes up for you , don't edit it , don't make it sound better than it is . Write it all down .

This is important because the thoughts that you write down are derived from the story you tell yourself about you .

All of those excuses , all of those empowered thoughts , all of those unempowered thoughts , all of that is part of whatever brand narrative you have going on about you , and it's triggered usually by the big things , by the big dreams you have , by the thought of really putting yourself out there , by the thought of really stepping into that big conference where you

don't know a soul and you're going to the networking event . It's like that's not my favorite thing either . But do you walk into the room shrinking down Or do you walk into the room and take up the space that you need to take up ? Do you project into the world The image that you want to project ? is it powerful or is it apologetic ?

And I think it best is explored through the lens of the big opportunity , because that is usually when you know whether your inner narrative is serving you or not , and all of the things that can come up when there's something big that's right in front of you . We can dream about it . It's very safe to have a dream that we never explore .

Very safe , you know . It's kind of fun too , cause you can pretend and you can think oh , one day I'm going to do this and one day I'm going to do that . But when it comes right down to it , when opportunity rings your doorbell , do you answer the call or don't you ? What is the first thing that comes into your mind ?

And if it's something that's not empowering , is if it's not kind and encouraging in terms of a thought , if the thought is accusatory , fear-based , negative . That is the genesis of the story you're telling yourself . You either are telling yourself things that help you believe in yourself or you're not .

And I think a lot of times we don't really get in touch with that . And we can come up with if we say no , if opportunity knocks and we say no , we can have all kinds of rational excuses for that . I'll tell you a story of my own . This is from .

I've never really told hardly anyone about this , but this is from very early in my career And it was when I was just finishing college And I think I told you guys like I started out as a , i paid my own way through school .

So I started out actually as a hairstyle hair colorist and I used the income from that to pay my way through a private university in St Louis . And when I got to my senior year I had done a couple of internships , part-time , and I decided that I really wanted to be at that point , i thought , in the news business and I wanted to be a writer .

I wanted to be at the news desk . I don't know how I got that idea , but I did . And so I heard about an internship for the local NBC affiliate in St Louis And so I sent in my resume and application and there were all these rules . We had to go get a portrait taken like it was back in the day , so it was like early nineties or whatever .

We had to go get our portrait . There was all this rigmarole And I remember thinking I just want to write news copy . Why is ? why do I have to do this ? But anyway , so I did . And then they vetted through however many they got and they called in like 30 people And it wasn't like a one-on-one interview , it was a group interview .

I remember , i'll never forget , we were sitting around this rectangular table and there were all of these seniors in college . Well , i was an older senior , right I was . How old was I at that age ? Oh , my goodness , let me think about this for a minute . I was probably , i guess , mid to late twenties , yeah , and everyone else was like 20 , you know .

So I was a good six years older or whatever . And we were sitting there and the senior editor of the newsroom I guess that's what she a producer of some sort , i guess is what she did .

And so she was asking us , she was going around the room and asking us the questions about what do we want to do with our career and why do we want this internship , and like what part of the newsroom we were interested in .

So I was like one of the last ones , so I was sitting near her and they went around the circle , so I started on the opposite side .

So by the time , everyone , every one of these young women and I think they were all women were saying that they wanted to be a reporter , which for me , you know , i was very shy for most of my life and there was no way I wanted to be a reporter , right .

So when it got to me , i think I was the only one who said , hey , i really want to write and I'd love to be at the news desk , i'd love to just get some credentials there , because I feel like that might be what I want to do with my career .

At that time That's what I thought , and I had a existing internship in a local corporation there and I was doing a lot of their copywriting and newsletter stuff and marketing stuff And I was having a good time with that . So I thought , oh , let me learn the news business , right .

And it was funny because when I said that , she looked at me and she said , oh , you don't want to be a reporter ? And I said , oh , no , i definitely don't want to be a reporter . I said , i , really , we just like to do the news desk . And I thought at the time , hey , this puts me in a good position because no one else wants to do that .

You know , everybody else wants to learn how to be a reporter . And so we all went away and we were going to get a call , like in the next week , i think , from her saying you know the two or three that she was going to pick . And so I got a call and I'll never forget . She said hey , i really thought you had a great resume .

And she said but what ? we don't really have an opening at the news desk . But she said what I would like to do is train you on some aspects of being a reporter .

She said we'll send you out with them and you'll leave basically the internship with a reel And if you want to go and start your career as a reporter , you'll need that reel so that you can start . And she said you generally would have to start at a smaller market than St Louis .

And you know , she was saying all these things that I was not interested in And I quietly listened to her and I thought , no , like absolutely not . And so I told her no , i'm really not interested in that . That's all that's available to me . I've got an opportunity to stay on the internship I have , so I'll just stay here , but thank you anyway .

So she went away and she called me back like a week later And I remember she was very funny . She was like I never do this , but I'm doing it . She goes . I want you to rethink your decision . I think it's a mistake . This could be a great opportunity for you . Let me explain again what you're going to do .

I'm going to send you out with the reporters the ones you see on the news And when they're done doing their bit , the camera crew will train you up on how to .

Like she was like this is the opportunity of a lifetime , like you need to do it , and I said no for the second time , the second and last time , and like for many years , i told myself I have zero interest in that .

And it was true , i did have zero interest in that , but it was only really probably in the last five to 10 years that I got very honest with myself about the truth of why I had no interest in that . I had no interest in that because I thought there's no effing way that I'm going to be able to be successful doing that . There's no way .

I'm too shy , i don't want to be on camera , i don't want everyone to see me . I don't ever want everyone to look at me . I won't be able to do it . It sounded literally like an excruciatingly painful thing .

Like when she said it , she was honestly , sort of horrified And you could say and I did for many years say , well , it just was of zero interest to me . But the truth of the matter is it scared me . It scared me . It was not aligned with the way that I saw myself . I did not believe in myself that I could even do something like that .

I was much more comfortable in a role that would allow me to be slightly invisible , where I could just blend in right And where I didn't have to put myself out into the world in a really public , visible , scary way . That's the truth And I did not get in touch with that for many years . Now is that a huge regret in my life ?

No , i think it's a shame , like any experience like that that you're offered . You know , i think at that age I should have just done it . I might not have liked it , but just to not even try it because I was too afraid is a shame .

And clearly , even starting this business for me and putting myself out into the world in a different way than being the brand strategist , that was easy for me to build up . That was more about knowledge that I acquired over my career and then having the confidence to kind of take more and more senior leadership roles . In that That was a fairly easy progression .

But jumping from that to my own business with my own perspective and putting that out into the world , it kind of brought up a lot of similar things to when that woman called me and offered me that horrifying opportunity to be a TV reporter .

And it's probably only when I really started this business that I got honest with myself about what I was really afraid of back then . So there's a longer story , but I wanted to say it because I want you to think about something big , or maybe even something you said no to in your past .

That was big And I want you to think about what you were telling yourself back then or now , if it's something in your future , is the voice inside your head kind and encouraging and empowering , or is that voice inside your head accusatory and fear based and negative ?

Right Might be a combination of both , but let's get really clear about exactly where the perspectives are in your own brand story that aren't serving you Right .

And when you kind of go through that exercise , if you're thinking about that big opportunity that's knocking at the door and you're doing the exploratory on your thoughts , the thoughts that come up When you have all of that written down .

I want you to just take a minute and look at those thoughts And I want you to reflect on where you are in your life , because when you look at the words that you write down , when you're thinking of , oh , big opportunity is just knocking at my door .

If you don't have the self belief to think I am doing it right And running through that door , even if it's just open to crack , if you're instead holding yourself back and telling yourself , you're going to fail and it's not possible for you and you don't want to make fool of yourself .

Whatever you're telling yourself , i want you to look at where you are in your life And I want you to say , when you look at those words on the page , whatever it is that you wrote down , i want you to take a look at where you are in your life And do you understand now , when you look at those words on the page , why you've made the choices you've made ?

Those words that you see on the page , they're a component of the story you're telling yourself about you . They're either telling you you can do it or you can't do it , and that becomes your filter for the world , for the opportunities that you have , for the things you say yes to or no to . Does it explain how you feel every day ?

Because we know that our emotions come from what we're thinking . If we're thinking those words on the page , can't you see how each one of those separate things you wrote down delivers a corresponding emotion ? That's how you feel every day . That's why you feel that way , because those are the things you're telling yourself when big opportunity knocks right .

Do you see why you have the results you have in your life ? And I say that from the perspective meant to be empowering , because all it takes to change the results you have in your life is to change what you think is possible for yourself to change your brand story , to redo it .

Either blow it up and do a completely new one , or just edit out the areas that aren't working for you and put in something new that does .

When big opportunity knocks , whether it's coming from yourself and the things that you allow yourself to dream of in those quiet moments , or whether it's someone else looking at you or hearing about your reputation and knocking on your door saying , hey , come over here and look at this opportunity , i don't care where you are right now .

This is two levels above or three levels above . This is going to two extra income . Do you allow yourself to go for it ?

I think that answer should be yes Or at least , if it's no , have it be no , not because you don't believe in yourself , but no because you choose for it to be no , not right now , because fill in the blank and have that fill in the blank phrase be something that you're fine with .

You don't always have to say yes to the big opportunities , but you really need to like the reason you say no , right ? So that is what I wanted to talk about today as it relates to your brand narrative , and I think it is so helpful because a lot of people say I don't have one , i don't know what it is .

If you put yourself in the moment , be the actor for a minute and pretend the big opportunities knocking right Either you're in the corporate or you're on your business either one big opportunities here . Really allow yourself to pretend that's actually happening . And then I want you to write down everything that goes down .

Do not lie to yourself , don't make it sound better than it is . Write down every crazy , squirrely , empowering , negative thought .

I want you to put it all on the page , because I want you to look at it and see that those are the things you're telling yourself , that that's why you feel the way you feel every day And that's why you've made the choices you've made in your life , and that you have the results you have in your life .

And , even more importantly , i want you to know that isn't just who you are . You can change that narrative and you can have anything that you want , but you have to believe that and you have to edit your narrative so that it aligns with the things you want , or you're never going to have them .

So , once again , if you want to explore this a little more in a couple weeks , i'd love for you to join me for my masterclass . It's free . I'm doing two right now . If they fill up , i'll probably introduce some more times , but July 22nd , july 23rd , saturday and Sunday they're in the afternoons . Please sign up . I think you'll have a really good time .

It'll be an hour , there'll be some great worksheets , some really good questions And you'll leave really with a better understanding of where you are in your life as it relates to the different aspects of your brand and maybe , hopefully , some perspective on the areas of your brand , whether it's just a few little tweaks you want to make or a reinvention completely ,

either one is entirely doable , and it does not matter what age you are . You can do this at 15 . You can do this at 85 . I know that sounds crazy , but you can .

The most important thing it doesn't matter how far down the road you are that you need to understand is that from here , this could be day one and you could completely change your trajectory going forward .

If that is what you want to do And that is what my wish would be for you I want your life to be everything that you dream of , and then some , and you need the brand story that empowers that . So thanks for joining today , and with that I'll leave you until next time . Make it a great week . My friends , do you have a life coach ?

If not , i'd be so honored to be your coach . I've created a virtual coaching program and monthly membership called Next Level . Inside we take the material you hear on this podcast , study it and then apply it . Join me at thepurposefulcareercom backslash next level . Don't forget the purposefulcareercom backslash next level .

Join me and together we'll make your career and life , everything you dream of . We'll see you there .