Ep 132: Four Things to Do When You're Dreading Something

It's about having the clarity , self-confidence and unstoppable belief to go after and get everything you want . If you'll come with me , i'll show you how Well . Hello , friends . I hope you had an amazing week .

Today I want to talk about dread , and I think this is an interesting emotion because I think , if you look at your own life and think about things that you dread whether they're in your corporate life , whether they're in if you're an entrepreneur , in your business , or whether they're in some part of your personal life I want you to think for a minute about

situations , people , experiences that you might not look forward to or that you might be dreading , and I want you to think about what kind of an impact that has on you . How does it impact your life ? How does it drag you down ? How does it make you feel like you just don't want to do that thing ? How many dentist appointments do you change ?

How many doctor's appointments do you change ? How many times do you avoid going to the networking event that you say you're going to go to ? How many public speaking experiences have you said no to ? How many times , if you own a business , have you avoid picking up the phone to make the cold call ?

Or how many times have you avoided actually crafting the email to make the cold outreach to the lead that you met three weeks ago that you never followed up on ? How many things in your life do you dread doing ? It plays out in so many ways . People dread spending time with certain members of their family .

They dread holidays for the get together and being around the negative family member . They'll do anything to avoid doing the thing that they dread . So how has it impacted your life and in what ways ? Are you even in touch with that ? I think it's important to know , because I think dread really is a drag .

It's an emotional drag on our life And I think a lot of times when we look at dread , the things that we dread we think it's the thing that is causing us to feel that way , and it is not the thing that's causing us to feel that way . It's how we're thinking about that thing .

I promise you , other people can be faced with the same thing , and they are not going to feel dread . You're feeling dread because of what you're thinking about it .

So if all it is is a way of thinking about something that's getting ready to happen , something in the future , then I want you to realize that , because that's something you can neutralize , you don't have to settle for Dreading that same thing for the rest of your life . You can decide to neutralize it , and that's what we want to talk about today .

So first let's look at what is dread and The definition of it . The Webster's definition is an unpleasant feeling triggered by the perception of danger , whether that danger is real or Or imagined . So it was interesting when I was preparing for this episode .

This phrase of anticipated pain kept coming up as I was researching it and looking into it from different angles and When I was looking at some of the neuroscience blogs that I follow . They were saying that when neuroscientists study the brain , a lot of times they'll hook up like electrodes or whatever to the brain , other to MRI kinds of things .

They'll look at the activity That's going on in different parts of the brain when you're thinking or feeling different things and the feeling of dread Lights up in the brain in exactly the same way that pain does physical pain . So when you think about feeling Dread for something , it isn't just a simple emotion .

This is an emotion that carries a lot of weight and has the potential to Really impact us in ways that can really hold us back . Anticipating pain , whether it's physical or social or in whatever form , is Actually many times worse than actually experiencing the thing that we're dreading .

So The period of time that we dread it , that pain that we feel , is actually worse than Experiencing the thing that we're dreading . That's interesting , right .

So to illustrate this it was interesting I came across a psychological study that was done in 2013 and they were saying that I guess the participants of the study agreed to get an electrical zap , like a little shock , and The study gave these participants a choice .

They said you can actually get a slightly stronger shock now , right this instant , and get it over with , or You can choose to get one sometime in the next 15 minutes . You won't know when that is , but it's going to be less than the shock that you would choose to get now in .

70% of Of participants chose the stronger shock that they could get right now , just so they didn't have to dread or experience the anticipated pain of Not knowing when the shock was going to come . So it's , it's this Anticipation thing , it's the the what , if it's the lead up to the scenario , that's actually worse than the scenario itself .

And when I think about , like my own , things that I dread . So for me , some notable things in my life have been like much earlier On in my career , public speaking , i I would do anything , literally I'd make any deal , i'd do anything , i'd come up with all kinds of creative ways to avoid having to speak in front of a large group .

And now I don't really care , it doesn't matter , but it was a thing for me for a very long time And I can tell you like getting up there and doing it wasn't great . But what was even worse were the two weeks leading up to it . I just hated it .

It really took a toll on my life And there were all kinds of behaviors that I would engage in to kind of distract me from the upcoming pain of that catastrophic event that I was imagining . Same thing for me in my personal life with going to the dentist .

I don't enjoy going to the dentist And yet of course we have to go every six months And I don't mind so much if it's just a simple appointment or a checkup or cleaning , i don't care about that . But if I have to get any old work redone or something like so , it's a more extensive thing . Oh , my goodness , like it is a dramatic thing for me .

I hate it And I have all of these really deep rooted fears about it . So for me I've kind of just come to the scenario Listen , i'm not going to live this way anymore . You know , i have to stop doing this .

I don't want to live this way And I think universally , people in corporate America , some more than others , dread Mondays right , and so they spend all of this time on Sundays dreading the week to come right , and that is a very negative way to spend one day of the week .

It's a really unnecessary way to neutralize all the good out of one day of the week is by using that entire day to dread the next . It's just , it's not useful . Monday's still going to come , you know , and you know if you're dreading public speaking , public speaking is going to come . I'm going to have to go to the dentist sometime .

So is it really worth all of the emotional drama of dreading it ? Or might you just cultivate a different habit ? I do think . For the things that we habitually dread , it becomes a way of being that we don't even think about . We just think it's true .

We just think public speaking is bad , dentists are instruments of pain , that person in my family that I don't like interacting with is just a nightmare , or a networking event is a torturous thing .

We just think those things are true , but the truth of the matter is there are millions and millions of people on the planet that could go to that same networking event and actually look forward to it . There are people on the planet that don't think a thing about going to a dentist . Right , they just go because it's good for them .

There are people who enjoy speaking in public And there are people who could interact with that person in your family you think is such a nightmare and find them delightful . Right , you might find that hard to believe , but it's true .

So it's how we're thinking about things , and I think , as we develop these patterns of thought about specific instances , i think it's important to understand that it isn't just true that those things are a nightmare . It's that we've made them into being a nightmare , and we can change that if we choose to .

And so today I just want to give you four ways to kind of catch yourself if this is what you're doing in some area of your life , so that you can bring that really negative emotion of dread into at least something neutral , where you can at least just know the thing is on your calendar as a to do and then you just go do it and you do it with no drama

, no anticipated pain , no catastrophic scenario creation , none of that that you're just saying , oh yeah , this week I've got a public speaking event and I've got to go to the dentist . You know , that would have in my past , been a terrible , horrible week . How do you take that and make it into something that is just neutral ?

So the four things I want to share with you today are number one if you've got something coming up that you're dreading , i want you to focus on .

Stop teleporting yourself forward , stop time traveling . All of our catastrophes exist in the future . They haven't happened yet , and the dreaming of what terrible ways they might go wrong are what make the dread so prevalent in our life and so amplified , right ?

So if you can stop time traveling and just allow Monday morning to come , allow the public speaking event to come , allow the dentist appointment to come , allow the family event to come , whatever the thing that you're dreading . Allow that to come and just stay in the moment you know . Stop teleporting yourself forward .

You don't have to go there yet , it hasn't happened yet . So stay right where you are in the present and enjoy this moment , this moment , free from the worry of the future . That's the big thing is find peace in right now . Stop teleporting yourself forward to some horrible worst case scenario , right ? So stop time . Traveling is number one .

Number two I want you to focus on what is right now versus the what ifs . So I think this is important , like if you have something on your calendar that you dread . You don't have to allow your brain to go crazy , catastrophizing all the terrible what if scenarios and potentially bad outcomes that thing might have .

Instead , allow yourself to stay focused on the facts , and the facts are what is on the docket for this week ? Monday's coming , the event's coming , the dentist is coming , whatever it is , and you can just note that , but don't allow yourself to have all the pile on thoughts that can happen when we catastrophize . Right .

That's fear based thinking that amplifies into a worst case scenario . That's taking a future situation . So we told you not to time travel . But the other thing with time traveling is don't imagine all of these horrible outcomes Right . That's just going to increase the feeling of dread and amplify the pain .

You don't have to do that Like maybe you'll be a wild success and maybe you won't be . You'll find out when it happens . The best thing you can do is prepare for it , but you don't have to spend all your time ruining the present by anticipating the future . That's not something that you need to do , that's just a habit that you've developed .

So it is to take the what if catastrophizing out of the situation , and that does help you kind of neutralize it . So you may never look forward to it . You may never , you know , think it's the best thing ever , but you don't have to spend all your time dreading it . So that's number two Focus on the what is , not the what ifs .

Number three I want you to play out your worst case scenario . Now , this may sound like I'm countering what I told you to do on number two , focusing on the what is versus the what ifs . But this one is different . This is not about catastrophizing , this is about . Actually , i think it's a really powerful business tool .

It's one that I like to use when I'm going into a sales situation , if I'm selling in an idea or a concept at work , or even if I'm going into a public speaking event or if I'm getting on a sales concept , getting on a sales consult call in my business .

I like to go through all of the worst case scenarios and potential objections someone could have to my idea . Now , that is not catastrophizing . Catastrophizing is all of these overdramatized crazy .

What if things that build on each other and are not grounded in logic or fact they're just telling yourself it's going to go horribly wrong And here's all the thousands of ways that's going to happen .

Worst case scenario and playing that out in a strategic way allows you to kind of put yourself in the mindset of the other people or person that you're going to interact with and think of all of the things that they could bring up that would be an objection or be some sort of negative thing .

And what could you do to either counter that with a logical argument or potentially neutralize it ? Like , how could you prepare for a negative event by being ready with your own thoughts of choice that you want to think instead of the thoughts that might come in that moment .

If somebody brings up something bad or like , if you're in a business situation , how could you be ready with the counter to that , to be persuasively selling them when they're bringing up their objections ? The best way to do that is by gaming it out and saying , okay , what are all the different objections someone could have about this thing ?

and having an answer ready for it that's persuasive , that convinces them that actually this is the right thing for them And this is a no-brainer yes for them to say yes to in business .

If it's an event with a family member that's always there with the snarky comments or the critical comments , think of all the things they could possibly say to you that would be triggering . And how do you then want to think about each one of those things so that you're ready with the thought to pull out when that's said to you ?

If they're always commenting on your outfit or your weight or your choice , relationship or whatever they're criticizing you for , it's like be ready with a counter thought to that . What do you want to think instead that could bring that to neutral , that doesn't allow that thing to have a negative impact on you that makes you kind of bulletproof .

That's a very , i think , a very powerful thing . I don't think it's the opposite of like pessimistic . I think it's actually very proactive and a really smart way to handle situations that you might otherwise dread . And then number four is play with the best case scenario .

A lot of times when we dread something or there's something that , from our past , we have reason to believe that this future event might be somewhat painful , we rarely let ourselves play with . But what if it turned out amazing ?

Just allow yourself for a moment to believe that you could get up on stage and kill it , that it could be the start of something that you learn to love to do , that becomes one of your favorite things , right ? What if your trip to the dentist was a ? potentially ? what if it's a root canal ? right , somebody likes to get a root canal .

And what if it was 100% painless ? What if it was just an hour and a half of your day that didn't matter , that took away the pain in your tooth and that neutralized it , and that it wasn't even a blip on your emotional radar that day ? It was just fine , totally neutral .

What if you went to that family holiday event and the person that you dread seeing the most . What if you had a one-hour meaningful conversation with you ? that might be the starting point of changing that entire relationship for the better . When you think about what ifs and you find yourself catastrophizing , try just playing with it . Game it flip it into .

But what if it was amazing ? Ask yourself that one question . And how could it be amazing ? and how would I feel if this actually was like the best speech I'd ever been to and I actually gave it right ? Imagine that scenario that it could potentially be the start of something that becomes one of your favorite things .

You might not believe it , but it's fun to play with , because when we're getting ready to do something , there's a myriad of outcomes . We could be amazing at it , we could be horrible at it or we could just be okay . All three of those things are possible up to the moment when you actually do it .

When you actually do the thing , allow yourself to play with it being an amazing thing , even if all the data points leading up to that moment lead you to believe that it's never going to be something you're great at or it's never going to be something that you look forward to . It's never going to be something good .

Allow yourself just for a moment to play with the fact that maybe this is the turning point . Maybe this could be the moment where I learn how to do the thing and I do it well , and I actually learn to love it . So what I want to share with you today is that dread is a choice .

How you think about it is what is going to color not only what your emotional life is leading up to that event , but how well you do in that actual moment , and that you have a choice about how you choose to think about that thing , and you don't have to let your brain run on default , based on either past experiences or your habitual patterns of thought .

You can just decide that it could be something amazing and therefore you take back control of your emotional life . So the four things again that I want you to play with , if there are things in your life that are holding you back because you dread them . Number one stop time traveling . Stay in the present moment , enjoy right now and stop dreading the future .

So that's number one no time traveling . Number two stop focusing on all the catastrophic what ifs . Instead , focus on what is . Stay in the facts around the event , the events coming . You don't have to think about it , it's on your calendar .

You can just stay in the present and you don't have to allow your brain to get carried away with all the crazy what ifs scenarios of the terrible outcomes that it could have .

Number three allow yourself , in a very disciplined , business-like way , to play out your worst case scenario and use that as a way to mentally prepare yourself So you go into that situation bulletproof , ready to give out all the best answers to the questions and objections that you might get .

Get ready to interact with and stay positive in the face of a very negative family member who might be very critical of you , you know , ready to kind of step up to the podium and give the best speech of your life , anticipating that in the Q&A section you are ready for any question that you might get asked .

It is , i think , one of the most powerful business tools that you could do , especially if you're someone who pitches ideas a lot , is to game out the worst case scenarios , not from a catastrophic , undisciplined level of thought , but from what are all the logical objections I could get to this and how do I get myself ready to get to a yes right to be my

most persuasive self . That's number three And number four . We all find it easy to go to the catastrophic downside what ifs ? but if that's your pattern of being in events that you dread , allow yourself to just play with . What if it was the best experience I ever had ? Yeah , you might have this whole line .

You may have decades of negativity as it relates to interactions with that family member , or you may have 20 data points that say you suck at giving a speech . But what if this was the turning point ? Because that turning point can come right . It can come any time .

So allow yourself to just for a moment game out all of the potential upside possibilities and best case scenarios of that thing that you dread . What if the trip to the dentist , even for a root canal , could just be a little one-hour time slot on your calendar ? And it's over and it didn't hurt and everything was perfect .

Right Now you've got a healthy tooth , no more pain and no more dread of going to the dentist . So dread is an interesting thing , and I think it's the anticipation of it that can become that prolonged emotional drag in our life

. And if there are habitual things that you find yourself dreading in your life . I want you to try one of these four scenarios , because I can promise you you didn't try one . You can try all . They will change it for you and take your negative , anticipated pain to a place of neutrality . And that's what we want .

We want to be able to go into every day as our best self , and we can't do that if we're dreading with every fiber of our being something that's about to take place in the near future . So with that I will leave you till next time . Make it a great week . My friends , do you have a life coach ? If not , i'd be so honored to be your coach .

I've created a virtual coaching program and monthly membership called Next Level . Inside we take the material you hear on this podcast , study it and then apply it . Join me at thepurposefulcareercom backslashNextLevel . Don't forget the thepurposefulcareercom backslashNextLevel . Join me and together we'll make your career and life everything you dream of . We'll see you there .