Judith Orloff || Thriving as an Empath

Doctor Orloff is the New York Times best selling author of The Impath's Survival Guide, Life Strategies for Sensitive People. Her new book, Thriving as an EmPATH, along with its companion, The Empaths Empowerment Journal, offers daily self care tools for sensitive people. Doctor Orloff is a psychiatrist, an EmPATH and is on the UCLA Psychiatric Clinical Faculty. She synthesizes the pro of traditional medicine with cutting edge knowledge of intuition, energy,

and spirituality. Doctor Orloff also specialized in treating empaths and highly sensitive people in inner private practice. Doctor Oloff's work has been featured on the Today Show, CNN Oprah Magazine, The New York Times, and USA Today. Doctor Oloff has also spoken at Google LA and has a ted X talk. Oh my gosh, there's so much What haven't you done, Doctor Erloff? A lot? So anyway, so much to talk about today. Thank you for being here. You're very welcome.

So let's see where do we jump in. Well, why won't we jump in with this notion of the gift of being different? Because you talk about that's actually one of your things. But I thought i'd bring it all the way to the front of this conversation. I can talk a little bit about that. Yeah. So at the beginning of Thriving as an Mpath, which is a date book,

it goes from January first through December thirty first. In January, I have a selection on the gift of being different And one message I really want to get across to people is that being different is beautiful and its powerful, and you don't have to go down the mainstream and be like everybody else. One thing I learned as a psychiatrist and an EmPATH is that I can embrace my difference.

I've always been kind of an outsider and going the path less traveled and my parents, who are both physicians, and I have twenty five physicians in my family. They yeah, you know, I was a sensitive child. I was an only child, and they tried to put me on the middle path. And there was a lot of disagreement about that, you know, because I always fought to save myself to go on my own path, and my mother in particular, would put me on the middle path of mainstream society,

you know, and that isn't my main path. I embrace it, but I had to come to the realization that being different and being an EmPATH and being sensitive, being intuitive, all of that, being a dreamer, it's beautiful. And it doesn't mean I'm an introvert. I am an introvert, but it doesn't mean that I have to be an extroverted person out there in the world. I can be quiet, I could go in the forest, I could write poetry. I could sense into my patients in certain ways that

you know, are very useful in diagnosis and treatment. And that all involves being different. So at this point in my life, of course, I love it and I embrace it. But part of my message to people who are just awakening as empaths or you know, beginning to embrace their traces highly sensitive people. Is that embrace your differentness? There's so many of us out there who are so different and don't quote bit in the mold. Oh, that's absolutely for sure. I don't even know what the mold is anymore.

We're living such a where we're so embracing of differences, I think, much more now than than in history. So you talked about this particular difference, though you focus on the mpath as emotional sponges. Is is that a main characteristic of empaths? And what are some other characteristics it is? It's a diagnostic type, and I mean that in the most positive way. And I'm trying to get the message out the healthcare practitioners and to EmPATH how to self

diagnose yourself. I have a twenty question self assessment test where you can see if you're an EmPATH, and if you are, that changes everything. But some of the traits of an EmPATH being an emotional sponge. You tend to take on the emotions of others or even their physical symptoms. You might like to be alone a lot, and you need your alone time. You love nature, your intuitive You're sensitive to noise, smells, and excessive talking. Chronic talkers are

the bane of my existence. When they corner you and I want to start talking an this is but you know part of it. I know, I do. But impaths are overly polite, and so they tend to just sit there and listen to these chronic talkers. Where that's kind of what motivated me to right thriving as an EmPATH, because I wanted to give people strategies what to do

self care strategies every day of the year. What to do if you're trapped by a chronic talker, there's there's a section on that you know, or what to do if you're absorbing other people's emotions, what to do if you're overhelping, which empaths often do, or what do you do if you become a martyr versus learning? How you know to healthily assert your needs. These are all self care techniques and they're characteristics of empaths. Now, did you

psychometrically validate this twenty item scale? Do you look at correlations with other like the highly sensitive person trait or you know the Big five these sorts of things. What I do is I look at empathy as a spectrum, whereas in the middle of the spectrum, there's ordinary empathy, which is so beautiful, which is the ability to feel for other people in their pain and in their joy,

just to be able to feel for them. Then a little bit higher up on the spectrum as the highly sensitive person who has the sensory elements of sensitivity, sensitive to noise, smells, talking light, sound of crowds, you know, all of that. And then even higher up on the spectrum as the EmPATH who has all of the sensory components. And in addition, where these sponges that absorb both the positive that's around us, but also the more difficult emotions

such as anger or depression or anxiety. And we often don't know what's ours what's in somebody else's. So that's one of the sections in the book is how do you tell if this emotion is yours or somebody else's. As empaths tend to just be this open sponge without the same kind of borders that other people have where they I personally, I'm an EmPATH, and I have been since I've been little, probably since I've been born. And

when I'm around other people, I feel them. I don't just think them, I feel them with my whole body, and what I've had to treat myself to do is not absorb them. Or I can feel what's going on in other people, but taking on someone else's suffering is not a healthy thing to do. And that's what I want to focus on in terms of self care techniques

to help EmPATH not absorb other people stuff. Oh absolutely, I was just wondering if you if you have like reliability coefficients you know, of the scale, like, have you looked to see the correlation with like the Ron Highly Sensitive Person Scale? Just I have nerdy questions? Yes, okay, okay, well I'd love to see the scale. If you can send it to me, maybe I can use it and sell of my research. It's in front of the Mpath Survival Guide and I could send it to you separately.

It's also on my website if people want to take the test A twenty questions, you know, simple, simple questions, very easy to answer, and it changes everything because I found that in medicine, so many people are misdiagnosed as chronic anxiety, chronic depression, of viralmyalgia, you know, a chronic fatigue when they haven't been diagnosed as an EmPATH. When you're an EmPATH, you do specific things to treat that

in terms of self care and other techniques. But if you're not given those techniques and you're not diagnosed properly as an EmPATH, they tend to get over medicated in our medical system, and that's a travisy. Yeah, for sure, you may be misdiagnosed with like other things. Yeah for sure. Yeah. So you talk about in your book a whole survivors really a survivor's guide. So for the rest of today, let's just serve. Let's help people survive who are empaths. Okay,

you talk about and thrive. Oh good, I love that. That's very positive psychology of you, which is a field I work in. I love that so well. You say, first of all, be aware of the phases of nature and cycles of light, and that is actually forms you know the book and how different things have the different cycles. How did how did you think through which ones to put in on what season? Like, how did you does

it all fall through all three, sixty three or sixty five? Well, in Thriving as an EmPATH, I divided the book into seasons because we go through one shrip around the sun together and I go through winter, summer, spring, and fall, and there are certain qualities like in winter now I have selections such as the wisdom of slowing down or introspection. Right by the park, Knight of the Soul really began to meditate on, you know, some of the inward qualities

of human nature and do a life review. So that's what we're going through now, that that kind of quiet of winter and how to find that alone time even in the midst of you know, busyness. You know, how you can honor your EmPATH needs. And then spring, of course is rebirth where you have you know, nature resonates with our bodies and empaths know that we love nature and not only empaths. Sensitive people or anyone who loves

nature can relate to this. How you know, the coldness and the icy cold if you're on the East coast or in a snowy climate of winter, or even the darkness of winter where the light changes that affects our body. It can cause seasonal effect disorder. It can cause us to want to go more inward rather than go outward, and to honor those changes and tune in to those changes.

So each season has an according action, you know, such as spring as reb e. Fall is degeneration and death and change, you know, with the fall colors and you know, going through that, you know, and feeling that with an openness. Some people tend to get depressed as the light gets gets less. So that's something to be aware of. That happens to me. Yeah, yeah, yeah, So to notice as subtle changes in your body. If you're an empact, you want to be attuned to nature. You don't want to

be fighting it all the time. Yeah. So when you when you had to like think through which ones to put in which seasons, I mean, I thought it flowed beautifully, but I was wondering how fought out was Like did you literally sit down? Do you see what I'm saying? Every three hundred and sixty five? Do you think through that one perfectly belongs on June third? That one? Do you know what I mean? How much? How much do you think that three it did? That's incredible. I think

it's incredible. It was a joy because my path is one of Taoism, which is the reason I love Daoism and I practice Taoism is because it connects me to the cycles of nature. Plus it connects me to my heart and being of service. These are all very important tenets of Daoism, and as an EmPATH, that's very nurturing for me because I can connect with my body and be vulnerable and strong. Sometimes people look at me and they mistake me for being weak or being fragile. It's

just not true. Yes, yes, yes, get out here. They do, they do. But I'm very strong insight, but empaths don't have the same filters, and I'm open on the outside and I consciously work with this all the time as an EmPATH. So that's why I want to teach others how to do this, you know, which is so key. Otherwise empaths just get bombarded by sensory stimulation and go on sensory overload, which is very painful. Yeah, I hear you. You have a quote A little self care goes a

long way. Honoring your sensitivities is an act of self love. And I tweeted that quote out, which you probably saw. I thought we could jump in. I picked my favorite one from each month. So can I just read each Can we go through out all twelve and just briefly, you know, like just just expound a little bit on how what people can do for that one that that I that I mentioned. It's like a game. It's like

we're playing game, you know, a game. Okay, So what we're gonna start and we're gonna do January first, and we're gonna do December thirty first as well. So okay, so just January first. Treasure your sensitivity. What does it mean to treasure it? Yeah, Treasure your sensitivity means to wake up every morning and be grateful that you're open and that you can feel things, and that you're not shut off and cynical and cold, that you're a person

with an open heart and lots of sensitivities. That you're going to work this year. You know, thriving as an mpath means going through every day of the year and tuning into various principles on how you can be empowered and treasuring your sensitivities. Is January first. That's how you start the year. That's a good way to start the year, right, It's a beautiful way to start the year. And we're

just coming upon you know, that day. It's a portal January versus a portal because you go from one year to the next, and so it's something you wake up this morning, that morning and be aware of treasuring your sensitivities, not oh my god, how am I going to get through the day because I'm so overwhelmed? Wonderful. So I'm actually going to pick a couple from January, So January tenth dealing with overwhelm. What do you have? If you have that feeling, it's like you're like, ahh, you know,

like I can't take it anymore? What can you do? Yeah, I know that feeling, and all impass and sensitive people know that feeling. So everybody who's listening, I'm sure everyone can identify with that. But when you get to that point, you know where you just can't handle anything. And believe me, I have my moments, but less less so I go into alone time, I try and meditate, I try and

bring it down and decrease stimulation. Go to a quiet environment, don't keep going after an issue with someone, don't keep trying to resolve something with your spouse or you know, whatever difficult issue you're going through. You want to quiet everything down. And part of the self care tools in the book, it really teach you how to deal with with overwhelm and to not let it get that far

if possible. To notice the early signs of overwhelmed. Does your stomach clenched, do you start getting irritable, Do you start feeling nervous or depressed or angry, or you're snapping at people, Are you're feeling tired? Notice those signs so you can take positive action to read, do that and feel get back to the sense of calm. You know that you have before all that, but it's a practice

every day. Hey everyone, if you find the themes we cover on the Psychology Podcast interesting and enlightening, you might be interested in my new book, Transcend, The New Science of Self Actualization. The book is the culmination of my journey to scientifically discover the factors that can lead us to optimal health, growth, creativity, peak experiences, and deep fulfillment.

I believe we can still manage to have peak experiences, the most wondrous moments that make life worth living, regardless of our current life circumstances. We can choose growth for more. You can visit Transcend hyphenbook dot com. That's transcend hyphenbook dot com with a hyphen between the word transcend and the word book. If you get a chance to read the book. It'd be great if you could leave a review on Amazon, tweet about it, or share the book

with friends. I truly hope this book can help people get through these tough times and realize that we all have greater resiliency, creativity, and potential within us than we ever realized. Okay, now back to the show. How about January twenty fifth? I thought this one was really quite profound. The search is over now maybe I think many people are aware of that. So can you elaborate on how

we're actually allowed to have peace. We're allowed to have peace, and you're allowed to not pursue self improvement all the time, or pursue difficult issues or keep going around in your mind about solutions that you need to come to. You're entitled to have a day off where the search is over, nothing to do, nothing to be, just sit and be in your own presence, Walk by the ocean, walk in nature.

There's nowhere to go, nothing to be, nothing to do, and to really get that arrived in this moment, you have arrived, Although that's hard for certain people to grasp because they're climbing the ladder of you know, to whatever. But you have to stop sometimes that's the key to an empath's well being is to just say nothing, to do nothing, to be have a big blank space. Your search is overwhell I don't I think you tell go

to Wall Street and tell them that. I don't know if they'll have up to I work with people on Wall Street. I work with all kinds of people, and you know, of course they struggle with that. You know, they struggle. It's a struggle. However, I want to say, I work with EmPATH who are MMA fighters. I work with empaths where ninety year old women who come in for the first time, you know, to discover their empaths. You know, I CEOs, I work with healthcare practitioners, I

work with veterans, I work with everybody. So I want to say, this whole issue of being an m pass spans everything across every barrier, you know. I'm reminded of in study that my friend Jennifer Grimes did for her master's thesis where she went to oz Fest, which is where all the you know, the heavy metal bands play, and she went backstage afterwards and sat them down to

have an interview after they just performed. And her study was on sensitive sensitivity and she found that a high proportion of these heavy metal rockers would say things like, oh, I really hate loud noise, like I really I just can't stand it when like like I need my quiet time, you know, like things, and you know, it was you know, I'm a really sensitive person, you know, and it basically

they're they're rock musicians. Allowed them to control it. But and that was nice because they were able to control, but they didn't like uncontrolled noise and things. And yeah, so exactly so people that are the least suspecting people

you wouldn't think her EmPATH. They come in to my office and they sit there and they say, I am so glad you you make me feel understood, as nobody understands me, and I'm afraid to tell anybody that's Yeah, especially men, more so with men, Yeah, I think because there's a cultural stigma against being a man who's sensitive, right, right, right, So you can't be a male who's sensitive and strong at the same time. As I have an EmPATH support

group on Facebook and it's ninety five percent women. But they often ask questions, where are all the men, And then the men come out they say, we're looking at all the comments we're you know, we're getting a lot out of it, but we're afraid to talk basically because I was called a sissy, or I was bullied, or you know, I you know, don't want to be considered weak. So all of the stereotypical fears and the very real fears that that men have, it comes out, and I

want to honor that. But part of being an EmPATH and a man, you know, it's a beautiful thing to me. It's the new paradigm of being a man. It's the man I'm attracted to are sensitive and strong. They're not just in their heads or big macho people without any connection to their body and their heart. So I think that's the new paradigm as we're evolving into the empathic paradigm of globally creation and globally, I mean, it might seem like we're far from it, but we aren't because

there's so many people who are opening to this. And it's if you're listening and you're just opening to being an EmPATH today, that's the most beautiful thing in the world. Are their challenges, yes, but there are also you know, many, many, many, many gifts. I love that and I love that many many many me gifts. So February fourteenth, what are the sacred What's what's the sacredness of commitment? Well, it's interesting for empaths. The sacredness of commitment means learning to be

comfortable in terms of what you committing too. And EmPATH often have a challenging time in intimacy and relationships because they get overwhelmed and they can't do the same kind of togetherness that other people do. Like I personally need a lot of alone time, you know, more so, I think than the average person. And whoever you're with or committed to needs to get that about you, you know, very key, very key. And so there's a sacredness to

commitment when you feel comfortable committing to something. But the primary commitment is to yourself and to your spiritual growth, to personal growth, as you have to start with developing yourself, otherwise you have nothing to give or commit too. And so even you know, social activists. I did a weekend with social activists and took them to a retreat in Maine so that they could replenish themselves so that they have something to give. Very important. To be a revolutionary,

you've got to practice self care. Commitment to your self care. That's that's not the form of commitment you often hear about, So that might surprise some people that that's the direction you just went in. Yeah, it's a sacred commitment to your self care so that you're not martyring yourself as many impass do. So you're not giving way too much and nothing left over, so you're not experiencing depression or exhaustion most and you want to have energy. I hear you,

I hear you. Okay, so March, let's go to March. My past doesn't control me. Is that is that true? It doesn't It can be true. And that's what I'm suggesting, is that whatever happened in your past, you know, as

sensitive people, many have gone through traumatic upbringings. You know, whether it's being raised by narcissistic parents, alcoholic parents, neglectful parents, are just not having been seen at the capital s, you know, not having and like my parents didn't actually seem me no, and they wanted me to be something and they loved me. I'm not saying they didn't love

me more than anything. I was throwing a child, but they didn't see me with a capital S. And so a lot of mpaths need to, you know, learn how to let go of the past and old ideas that aren't true, or old traumas that happened, so that you could be in the present more. And there are many healing techniques to do that. But to commit to the healing techniques of letting go of the past, you don't want to be looking backward all the time, you know. I help my patients deal with the past but not

become mired in it. Good. I like that. I like that for me. So, April, say no to drama? Are you allowed to say no to drama? I have to for my own well being. Wow, I can't do drama. It's just too exhausting to me. And so, you know, I in order to have no drama or to minimize the drama in your life as an EmPATH, you have to be able to set boundaries. And that's a key theme throughout this book is learning that no is a

complete sentence. That you have to say no to drama and to say no to somebody dumping all over you emotionally, because that happens a lot, you know, where people just start, you know, whatever it is they want to talk to you about, they just start and it just spews out, and to be able to say, you know, let's please make a request and we could set a time to talk about it, you know, versus you just starting. I'm

just not prepared right now. So to be able to stand up for yourself and have these kind of pre formed strategies in your mind when people start up. There's a day in the in the book on venting versus dumping you now to be able to you know, have venting appropriate appropriate time, but not be dumped on. So you know, all of this has to do with you learning to speak up, which is hard for empaths because they don't feel they have the right to assert their needs.

They often feel they're going to be criticized or put down, which they may be, you know, but still you have to stand up absolutely. That was April six, and I actually really liked the next day as well. April seventh was actually the date that my new book is coming out in April seventh. What is on April seventh? What is the theme for your book released it? The book is called Transcend the New Science of Self Actualization, so it's it's I'm revising Maslow's hierarchy of needs and things

of that nature. But I'm very excited. That's the first time I've actually mentioned that on the Psychology podcast. Actually come and think of it, yay April seventh. I was just thinking to myself when I read your Thing and said private time with Spirit, I was thinking, I'm going to need some private time on April seventh when the book comes out, you know, because I'll be talking to so many people and things I'll need I'll need that space.

You will need that space, and you need to be a vessel for what's coming through so you could be of service. You know. That's where I found going on these book tours and talking to people is you know, just allow whatever your message is to come through you. But the private time with Spirit is a time to reconnect because being out amongst lots of people it can be overwhelming for impass all the talking, no whatever comes up.

You know, people have all kinds of opinions about your work, which you know, you know, it's interesting to deal with in a centered way and not be tgured if it doesn't go off well with some people or if a challenge with others. That's part of you know, going inside with Spirit. But every impact must learn to do that if I think on a daily basis, not only on April seventh, right, I agree May six the joy of not overthinking. I don't know when I've ever not overthought something.

Really yeah, I overthink everything. Oh yeah, that's very common. But one has to learn how to work with the mind and the thoughts. And you know, I've been working with that, you know now in my life because I'm dealing with a particular challenge in my life, and you know, learning, you know, especially more than ever, learning not how to overthink it because if you overthink things, you create a lot of fear. But if you have a rule, I'm only going to think about something for today and you're

not allowed to think about it for tomorrow. I actually have a visualization, it came to me in a dream of these military men in my brain, who if they see a thought that's you know, overthought or negative or fearful, they slam the door on it. So I have this little team up there that's working to help me, and it's it's wonderful when you don't overthink something, you think it once and then you just let the flow of life happen. Then there's a certain freedom because overthinking is

torture as such. Torture, isn't it. Yeah, it's suffering and it's torture, and it's something to work with to tame your mind. That's part of being an EmPATH and this book and thriving as an EmPATH how to tame your

thoughts so they don't control you. And when you know, you could get in there and have a say, you know all this and the goal is to have some empty space up there, you know, when the thoughts come, just breathe and focus on your field or focus on you know, whatever it is that you love, the place you like to go to when you were a little boy, now whatever it was, that playtime, that pre spirited self that's in you. I love it. I love it. Yeah, yeah, yeah,

I go there. Well, I'm going to go there. Next is June third, which happens to be my birthday. So I also picked I also picked significant dates in my own personal life, because why not. It's my it's my podcast. I can do what I want to do, and I want to. Uh. June third is the heartbeat of drumming. How does that, maybe, you do you have to do with birth. It has to do with the human heart want to calm down. The drums, the drum beat or the human heart calms your neurological system, and it could

help calm children. It can help calm your environment. So having a trusted drum nearby to palm, pum, pump, pump, you know, and to just create, you know, the rhythm of life, it could calm you down and connect you to the rhythm of your birth and your life. Sports. I love it. I love how you just put your hands over your heart. Yeah, it's a it's a. It was it felt that, it felt right. In July twenty fifth,

how can someone holding space? How can you hold space? Yeah, well that's a key UH strategy for IMPASS to learn is how to hold space for someone without needing to go in and fix them, change them, do it for them, and just be there for somebody with your heart, holding positivity for somebody, holding a non judgmental space and letting them talk or letting them be in their suffering or letting them whatever they're going through. Just holding space for

someone elevates them. So then getting in and trying to fix them, and m paths are notorious fixers. They want to get in there and do something and certainly I can. You know, that's something I'm working with as a physician because I was taught to fix things, you know, I was taught to go in analyze, to go in to fix things. So I'm good at that. I'm really good at it. But it's not appropriate all the time, and

a lot of people don't want it. So that, you know, it's a way to respect the dignity of someone else's path, you know, which is I know you tweeted that too, that quote, and to just hold the space, learning how to hold the space for someone without jumping in, you know, their issues too much. And I do that as a psychiatrist a lot. I hold the space for my patients as they evolve and grow work through something. That's a good,

good thing to do as a psychiatrist. Yeah, don't let them indulge in going round and round and round and round forever talking about things, of course, of course, yeah. Yeah. August seventh, Wish on a star. Do you like the ones I'm picking? Do you like them? I love them? Time constraints, I can only pick basically one or two

from each month. Yeah, right, pushing on a star. It's getting in touch with the magical part of your being and to just know there's more than this physical reality, and to get out of your head and reclaim that child, that inner child inside of you as an EmPATH and that free spirit itself, so that you can look up at a star. My grandfather before it passed away, told me that to look up at the star and think of him. He'll be in the first star in the

night sky. And I always do that, you know. Then he told me that when I was a little girl, and I do that all the time. When I see the first star, I think of my grandfather. But you know that there's magic in the world. You know, it's not just you know, drudgery or yours or doing what's in front of you. You can look up. That's why I've written in this book a lot about the universe

and the star system. Is to look up, look up at the meteor showers in August, you know, the perseas if you're in the west, you know, look up at the stars every night and just grass, try and grass where we are here, you know, on this planet, in this incredibly gigantic, mysterious universe. So you can maintain the mystery in your life as well as going through what you need to go through here. Wow, what a soul

enhancing episode. This is September September twentieth Release regrets. Yes, as sensitive people, you don't want to carry around a lot of baggage in yourself. And if you're holding regrets, if you're holding resentments, then you're building up negative energy, which gets in the way of healing and growth because

you become heavy. And there's a tendency to be, you know, self righteous about this because if somebody really did do you wrong, or if you really did make a mistake, let's say, and you didn't go down a certain path, it's human. It's part of our growth as long as there are no mistakes, as long as you learn from whatever it is that you do. And so to practice thriving as an EmPATH with deep compassion, you know, not judgment. You know, to learn how to be compassionate with I

made a mistake. I regret I was not there for my father on his deathbed. I regret I didn't go forward with this relationship, you know, with the love of my life. I regret that. However, I can learn from that and move towards love and be there for other people, you know, in a very deep way, and so you we you know, we're on a healing path here if you're if you look at yourself as learning, growing human beings. Now,

it's just all part of it. We're all, you know, walking each other home is one of the sections in the book. We're all here together on this journey, and hopefully we can grow more heart centered, more loving with ourselves and others along the way. I bet you really like Sharon Salzburg's work. I love Sharon. Sharon hard is big of the world. Yeah, she's a friend of mine too. Oh, I love Sharon. I've known Sharon for many years, and I'm not surprised. I'm not surprised. That's how I say that.

So I felt like that one on September twentieth was so related to October eleventh, which was can do you remember which one was? October eleventh off the top of your head, one of those calculator savants, you know, But anyway, October eleventh, dealing with loss, dealing with loss seems related to that one. How can you help people who are really having trouble letting, letting go of, you know, moving on? Well, just know that it's we all have trouble, letting go

and moving on, so you're not alone with that. And life is about gain, it's about loss. It's about cycles. You know. Sometimes you know, somebody passes away in a family and then a baby is born, so it's again the seasons. It's the season of winter or autumn, which is death and transformation, and there's a season of birth. So life is about cycles. And loss is one of the most painful, inevitable parts of life. Whether you lose a job or lose a lover, you know, it's very,

very painful. And to go through the grief of loss. Where I find that people make a mistake is they try to shut it off or they try to not feel it. And loss and grief it's just part of life. I'm sorry to tell all that, but it's you know, I think it's inevitable. And you need support, you need loving support. And you're grateful for all your relationships now, you know, to be very very grateful for you know, the people in your life. Now. You don't know what's

going to happen in life. It could turn on a dime, say so true, Yeah, you want to be grateful for what you have and if you lose something. You have to be willing to feel the pain of it, and as you do, there's another you'll keep moving forward. There's another light that will replace that and help propel you forward. So it's a common, common thing that we all go through and it's part of m past. Sometimes experience a loss or betrayal or heard of some way and they

don't go on. They stay stuck, or they become recluses, or they don't want to be in love again, they don't want to love again. And I just bring this up because it's common and we don't want to get in that. You want to keep loving no matter what, keep loving no matter what. Is that what you said? Yeah, well that relates to November fourteenth, Go where the light is? I think that's related. A good segue, A good segue. Can you can you talk a little? There was something

that I liked about it. You said, you're like, you know, you admit that that that the darkness can be exciting and even dangerous. But you said something really I thought was really valuable to me personally. You said, but the love will always be there when you're ready for it, right exactly. I love that because I love the dark side I'm not gonna lie. I also love the light side.

I love humanity. I'm in love with humanity, you know what I mean, Like I'm in love with I guess my definite of the dark side is not as dark as maybe other people would define it. I'm not talking about like, you know, like really dangerous things that like to hurt people. That's not what I'm referring to. But

you know, you know what I mean. I'm you know, like you know, like like like indulging in our hedonism can be fun sometimes, right, Yeah, But there's also a day I've devoted in the book to keeping your edge, because you know, being an EmPATH isn't just being this soft love and light you know, I love that per is you want to keep your edge. You want to have some of that edge. You know, you want to be raw, you want to be you know, innovative. You know you want to just go with that too, So

you're both. I mean, that's what I keep saying in the book is that we carry all these qualities, and as you said, you let you go go to all these areas because that you're comfortable with it. Not all people are, but I'm glad that you bring this up.

To safely navigate the dark, you know, so you don't tip over into it is a is a challenge, and you want to go where the light is because a lot of empaths deal with toxic relationships and they're often attracted So let's say narcissists or people who have empathy deficient disorder over and over and over again because they had parents that were narcissists and they're trying to replicate

the pattern and heal it, which doesn't work. But that's that's a big theme that I go through in the book, and how to be attracted to the light in people instead of the dark, simply because it was how you brought you were brought up because there's this erotic component to you know, narcissism. You're brought up by a narcissist as an intemant, you might have an erotic connection with that kind of thing that has to be shifted. So

it's a big subject. But you know, to go where the light is with people with situations, you know, you know where you're at with yourself, your own thoughts, go where the light is. Yeah, more often than not, that will that won't stir you wrong, It won't do. Yeah, well, okay, December thirty. First you ready for dessert Shining Yeah? Do you remember what that one is? Shine Brightly Warrior in Yeah?

There you go, there you go. Yes. I think the culmination of the of the year is to embrace all the self care strategies that I wrote about and to shine brightly and keep expanding. There is no end to this. You don't reach your point and then it ends. You keep growing lighter and brighter and more loving and more powerful. And that's what the end of the year will celebrate. You want to celebrate how you've grown this year. And if you get the book on December thirty, first start

with that. To start with wherever you are, and the book can be read in sequence. It can be read. You can ask an inner question and then turn to a page and use it as an intuitive book where you just turn to a page and get the right answer. You can go right to your birthday as some people do, as you did. You can read it before go to work,

as some people do. So there are all kinds of ways to use the book, But most importantly, you want to shine brightly and be proud of your life and not let all these naysayers and critics and people disembodied heads, you know, put you down, disinvite heads you maybe think of like all the news channels and all the you know, the talking heads, the talking heads. I don't know if that's what he meant, but that's okay. So I'm just

gonna end here today with a couple. I did Twitter Q and A, and I don't have time to ask everyone, and there's a lot of redundant questions anyway, so I'll just pick a couple, if that's okay with you. Sure. Leon's Existential Cafes asked. How can highly sensitive people? I guess they also mean empaths? I often I think, I think you probably get them synonymous a lot of times, you know, but they're probably not always. How can highly

sensitive people or how can empaths? Except that they don't have to be a globally good person to feel good

about themselves. You need to be a good person to feel good about yourself, and you can do that in your personal life, and being the good being a good person is the most spiritual thing you could ever do, you know, to me, and as part of Daoism and being a good person, and that's so import and that just means in the small things in your life, you don't have to worry about fixing everything all the time. You could do the best you can in your life.

And that doesn't mean you won't fail at times being a good person, but then you'll pick yourself up and keep going. That way, you have to take the pressure off a Some nice empaths want to fix everybody and everything, and I think that's what he's getting at. And I think he has to take a little give himself a breather, you know, and just focus on the minute details of your life, which are so you know, really important, to keep it small and then let the light build and

have that expand. Gotcha. So I think it's I think that's what they're getting It's sort of like, you don't have to be such a perfectionist. No, you don't have to do everything. Many empaths are being demolished by the world situation and the news cycles and what's happening, you know, with our leadership all around the world, and so you can't take it all on. That's the case of death for an EmPATH. You can do what you can in your life. You can in your meditations, you can, Yeah,

so you try not to take too much on. But if the opportunity presents itself where you can help in a larger scale, you want to go for it if it feels intuitively right, gotcha? Okay? Darlene Lifson, I hope I pronounced that right, says is an EmPATH myself. I struggle most of being overwhelmed by other people's strong energies as they're occurring. Any advice for handling toxicity or crazy

making in the moment? Thanks, Yes, there's a shielding technique that I talk about and thriving as an EmPATH where you can if you're around a really toxic person and you know who they are, because you can feel sick or tired, oh yes, around them, you just go her eyelids get heavy. You can practice a shielding technique where you envision a bubble all around you and as a shield of you know, of goodness, of positivity, of light, and nothing can get into it in terms of all

of that negativity and whatever you're encountering. You're safe in this. But it's the power of visualization, you know, to really get that down so that you can protect yourself around these toxic people, but also not choose toxic relationships. And I suggest in the book Taking and I have a workbook a journal, the EmPATH Empowerment Journal, where you can journal about who are the toxic people in your life? And these are the strategies I'm going to use with them.

But you do it beforehand, you don't, you know, you do it very methodically so that you can not take it on. And setting boundaries is important. Not looking deeply into their eyes is important because energy is exchange with deep gazes. By not hugging them necessarily now, by keeping a distance, by not being emotionally triggered, and not getting into drama, as we talked about in another selection in the book Wonderful, Let's do one last one. Okay, well

this is hard to pick. Let's just psycho Briggs how to stop caring so much about others perceptions of them? How do I finally be like, I just don't care what you think about this decision I made. You know, that's me adding to her question. But yeah, yeah, no, that's key, you know, because there's a section in the book on opinions are the lowest form of knowledge, Yeah, where people will have all kinds of opinions about your life. You know, you're doing this wrong, You're doing that wrong.

You should be going to this school, you should be with that pulling in love with this person. You should not be traveling to Asia right now. You should be staying at home. You shouldn't be working and having a child at the thing. You know, all kinds of stuff all over the place. And just realize people will have all these opinions about you, and it's your choice, you know, whether or not to believe that. And if you believe their negative opinions, that means you are being emotionally triggered

and there's something in you that needs healing. And so I know, often a lot of work, but I've worked

diligently over the years. I have a friend who's very opinionated and has just been hitting me with her opinions for you know, so many years, you know, to look at my own issues where I feel lacking, you know, to be able to see where I'm emotionally triggered, so that her opinions, she could say whatever she wants now for the most part, and it doesn't bother me, but it's you know, I've used her as a teacher because I love her so much, but she's very opinionated, so

it's extremely irritating. However, I've looked at it as a learning experience. Well maybe we should view everything as a learning experience. Totally. Yeah, thanks to I really appreciate you coming, doctor Orloff. Thank you for coming on my podcast today. It's been it's been a long time coming from me, and I think a lot of people get a lot of great wisdom from you today. Great, it's been wonderful talking to you. Thanks for listening to this episode of

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