What about Oprah? You just guy, Oprah is a true identity leader? Why is Oprah a true identity leader?
Or she's so smart, so bright, very kind, just given so much to the world. It's just unbelievable what she's been able to do. I can't even believe it myself.
Today. It's great to have educator, author, businessman, and public speaker Steadman Graham on the podcast. Many people have heard of Steedman as the longtime partner of Oprah Winfrey, but he's much more than that, and as we discussed in the episode today, Steedman's groundbreaking work has really unearthed the importance of identity leadership, which is based on the philosophy that if you can't lead yourself, you can't lead anyone else.
According to Steedman, successful people know who they are, are clear what matters to them, and create value for themselves and others. Steedman's life dramatically changed when he begins central all that he does around his own talents, strengths, and passions. As you'll see in this episode, we both share a great love of self actualization. I hope I was also able to shine a light on Steedman as a human and that you get to know him a little bit better as well. So, without further ado, I bring you
dead Men Graham. Dead Men Graham, thank you so much for being on the Psychology Podcast.
Scott, thank you for having me. I appreciate all the work that you're doing, and it's great to learn about all that you're planning to do in the future.
Oh, thank you. That's really kind of you. You know, we have a lot of interest, including your life mission, which, as you've said, I've dedicated my life to this work of teaching people throughout the world how to self actualize their potential as human beings. Wow. That's a pretty exciting, exciting dream. But I want to actually start with the question of who is Dedmond Graham. I want to get to know you a little bit better. First.
Well, I'm an author. Uh, you know, I love education. I'm a veteran. I have worked in this field for a long time. I've kind of dedicated my life to identity, UH, teaching people how to find out who they are, how to organize your life around themselves, how to you know, take information and make it relevant to their to their development, their personal profession of development. UH, teaching them how to learn how to learn, and you know, I I I enjoyed that work. I don't know what else to do.
You know, I love athletics, I love to travel, so all of that works.
You have a master's degree in education, right.
Yes, yes, from Ball State University. I really enjoyed my time at ball State and uh, even though I went to school over in the European campus over in Germany, it was it was a great experience for me.
What what now? What sports did you play? You're a good athlete, right.
Uh, if you let me tell it, m h. Yeah, So I enjoyed, uh, you know, playing basketball and tennis. And I'm a big golfer now, so I enjoyed a lot of sports.
So now, when did you get interested in the idea of self actualization?
Well, I think I got really interested in it at an early age, trying to I didn't know what it was or what the name of the name of it, you know, the name of it, what I would call it back then. That's what I'm trying to say. But you know, I think everything's about self actualization and self development. You people are looking to try to figure out who they are, and they don't really have a name for it.
So you know, early on in life, you know, I was trying to figure out again, you know, what my purpose was and all of that, and you know, and trying to do the best I could possibly could do based on my circumstances.
Yeah, because you say, quote, my life dramatically changed for the better when I began centering all that I do around my talent, strengths and passions. Well, what was your life like before that?
Well, I mean you just told basically Scott to get a job, go to school, and go to work and all of that. That's pretty much what you do. And so I tried to do all of that. I worked in the prison system, you know, a while, I worked in public relations and marketing. I served in the US Army, I played ball in Europe. You know, I tried to do all the things that I needed to do to
just like everybody else. And and you really kind of focus on the outside world was a way to define your existence because you really don't know who you are and you're looking for it on the outside. And it took me a long time to realize that. You know, if you're looking for freedom on the outside, you never find your freedom is only on the inside.
There's a great truth. But I don't think a lot of people really have gotten have gotten that memo. You played basketball in Europe? Is that right?
Yeah?
I did a position.
I was a small forward, so I like to, you know, shoot in the corner, and that was my main shot. And I played in school of course in college, and then when I got to in the Army, I went over to who they sent me into Europe and I got a chance to play ball for the service as well as being picked up by a team over there and started playing ball with them and traveling around throughout Europe and all of that. So it was a great experience for me.
That's so cool. I love basketball. What is like one other thing that people about you, something about yourself that people might be surprised to hear.
I think probably how dedicated I am to the work that I do now, which is identity leadership, and I mean and the self actualization work that you talk about a lot and that you're involved in. I think being able to do this work, as you know, it's a twenty four to seven job. I mean, I spent all my time really trying to build these programs and we're in the schools and we have a college program, and we have a corporate program, and we train people all
over the world. And now we have the ability to virtually train people, which is fantastic to be able to use technology as a way to deliver this message. So I'm excited about all of that.
I'm excited too. That is very exciting.
You know.
You say identity leadership is self leadership, and it's based on the philosophy that if you can't lead yourself, you can't lead anyone else. Anything else you want to add about that, you're sort of your definition of identity leadership.
Well, I think that's a pretty good definition. Self leadership is everything. You can't lead anybody else until your first lead yourself, and most people don't know how to do that. They're kind of stuck in the box, stilling the same
thing over and over every single day. You know, they wake up in the morning, they watch the face, you brush your teeth, They get something to eat, they get the kids off the school, work all day, come home in the afternoon, they spend time with the family, they watch TV, they go to bed, and maybe they dream, and then they repeat that same cycle over and over, you know, every day. You know, if you did the same thing you did yesterday, as you will do today,
as you will do tomorrow. What have you done? The answer would be probably nothing, because you've done the same thing. You're not thinking, you're not developing, you're not creating, you're not designing your own future. And then you go to school, and school teaches how to memorize and take tests or repeat information back. You get labeled with a grade two weeks later. If I asked you what you learn, you'd
probably say I forgot or I don't remember. And so you know, I often tell my audiences and people that I train nothing for nothing. There's nothing. So the most important thing that you have, the most important question to anyone wherever I ask you, is you know who you are? And that requires some real internal thinking, requires you having some self discovery about what your talents are, what your abilities are, what you love, what you care about, what
your interests are. So as you can begin to, as you say it self actualize your potential as a human being and have a foundation for production and excellence and opportunity to be able to organize the global marketplace. And now we have access to technology as a way to
define our existence. It's really a gift. I mean, you couldn't have a better time than today to probably be alive because you have access to content and resources and opportunities globally and you're able to take that information, which is you know, teaching people to learn how to learn,
which is what I try to do. Change the learning system around where they make everything relevant to their personal professional development so they can grow, so they can create opportunities, so they can expand their ability to be an expert in their field and then serve the world based on what they create for themselves.
That's beautiful. Yeah, there are a lot of things in your book that really resonated with me. One thing was that you said, don't wait for others to define who you are or what your potential is. Man, I really resonated with that. I wasn't special at as a kid for an auditory disability, and there was a point where I was like, I'm not going to let that define me anymore, and it really changed my life. So I think there's really a deep, profound truth there to that.
Well, it's great to just say that because I mean, you know, again, I grew up to special need brothers in my family, and they had you know, a lot of opportunity and you know, focusing on their talents and their skills and their ability. I mean, that is what it's all about. It's just take what you have, take your strengths, take what you do well, take what makes you happy, begin to organize that, be conscious of what
that is, and then then apply information to that. And so if you have people that can help you do that, especially in that particular segment, especially as segment boy, I mean, they can do much more than they're doing now with the right kind of program. So I think that's that's a great statement.
Yeah, I think so too. I mean, as a leader, how can you see this potential in others before you know they even see it in themselves. I mean, I think that's one aspect of being a great leader is kind of having that strength spotting ability, right.
Well. People have to be trained, I think, and have to be away of what's possible, and so oftentimes you don't know that yourself, you know, which is why your relationships are so very important, and having mentorship is so very important. I've had a lot of mentors in my life, and being able to understand how to put the pieces
of the puzzle together. You might have a picture of who you want to become, a vision of who you want to become, but you actually don't know how to put that together, and a lot of times you need help. You know, you need to have a team of people or a support system. You know, no one makes it alone. No man or woman is an ale into themselves, so you can't make it by yourself. You need a team of people that can help you do that. Yeah.
Absolutely, I mean, I think that's really important to mention that because a lot of people might think like so self leadership it sounds so devoid of context or devoid of support systems. But these are not either or things, right, I mean, you can have self leadership and also really require a strong support system.
Well, you know, you you attract who you are, so your ability to work on yourself allows you to have more access and more opportunity with people who are who are like minded with you based on where you want to go and who you want to become. You know, I know who you are. You know you're doing the same thing over and over, which represents about eight billion
people in the world. We're pretty much stuck who are not thinking of developing a building so when you start to really focus on your own value and realize that the value that you give yourself is the value of the world gives you. The world sees you as you see yourself, and so how you begin to change and grow, which is what you have to do today in the twenty first century, because the world is moving forward. Everybody's talking about AI, you know, futuristics things, and so you've
got to be able to adapt to that. And the way you adapt is, like Einstein said, you cannot solve a problem with the same mindset that cause it. You've got to be able to change the ways you think. You've got to be a reader. You have to be a learner. You have to be a developer of your own life, and so that you can adjust, change, grow, build, create, design your future and flow with the way the world is going, which is you know, globally it's going, globally
is going. You know, you got you create a lot of networks and build a lot of relationships, and you know you've got to constantly be a learner and self directed and lifelong. You've got to be a lifelong learner. So it's continuous.
Yeah, for sure. Well we can double click a little bit on the main aspects of self leadership, self awareness, self management, other awareness, and other me management. Where did you kind of come up with that framework?
Well, you know, I mean I was defined by race and define early on in my life, and so that was a label. And you know, when you don't know who you are, you buy into the labels. It's socially constructive design, labels that define your existence. And you know, defined by basketball sports, and defined by family, and defined by of course my relationship with Oprah being defined by that.
And so you don't know how to define your own existence, and the world defines you and they put you in a box and they label you based on that box, and you know, you buy into a lot of that. And so you know, there's no tools to self actualize your own potential or to define your own existence because it's not in the curriculum. You don't have a regulum.
So you know, So I spent my life a lot of a lot of time in my in my journey to be able to figure out how to organize a process, which is what I teach, a nine step success process that teaches you how to organize your life around yourself, self actualize your potential as a as a human being, find out who you are, Discover who you are, create a vision for yourself, organize plans and goals, and be able to kind of be a you know, a strong dreamer,
a strong self actualization, be able to self actualize your dreams that you have, you know, or your thoughts or your your ideas, and so you know, those things are very important as opposed to just kind of doing the same thing over and over, getting stuck and really not being able to grow, develop, build or create your own opportunity.
You know, you you place these in the order for a reason. There's a certain praiers. So you say, you have to be self aware before you can learn how to be a self manager and nurture your abilities, emotions and leadership capacities. And you need both self awareness and self management before you can be aware of others needs and the potential. And you need and you need the other awareness before you can grow the potential in others. I think that makes a lot of sense.
Yeah, yeah, I mean, you know, we put them in a sequence. So sequence is very important because you follow our process. And when I learned how to process, you know, you basically I learned how to think and organize. Order is the highest level of development. So you're you're constantly trying to put things in place so that they actually work. You know, you paint the picture with a vision, and then what you do is you build backwards with the pieces and you put the pieces in place to you know,
kind of like a puzzle. You know, they come together over a long period of time, but the challenge is organizing pieces of the puzzle and putting them in place so that you could actually paint the picture. And you know where you're going, and you're also clear. You have the confidence and the ability to be able to communicate exactly what your role is going to be, and you know what you're trying to achieve to other people, which
aligns you with you know, other relationships. And you continue to develop a process of improvement all the time because you're working on yourself. You're working on yourself, and then the internal turns into external. It turns into all the external things that you are trying to get in your life to add more value to what you're doing.
Yeah, you know, you got to be thinking a lot about this idea of identity because I feel like we're in a culture that's you know, a lot of people play identity politics where they folk. When they say use the word identity, they're really focusing like demographics, or focusing on like skin color or gender identity. You're using identity in a much broader way to focus on people's talents and passions. And I just wonder what would happen if our conversation in our country was more a more expanded
idea of identity. Have you put any thought into that.
Yeah, you know, it's be very interesting. I think identity is for all of us, you know it's not. I think it's for all of it that it is for all of us. What makes a difference where you're from, what language you speak, or what country you're in. You know, everybody's trying to figure out how to create value in their life. The value that you give yourself as a value, the work the world gives you, The world sees you as you see yourself. So everybody's focused on the self,
you know, whether they admit it or not. And so you can't, you know, drink from an empty cup, and you can't give what you don't. So to be able to figure out how to be the best self that you can and then turn that into leadership for yourself first and then leadership for others, because you're so passionate about your work, You're so you love what you do. You you know you're not mad at other people based on their accomplishments because you're able to again, you know,
you're happy with who you are as a person. And so identity is like, I don't even know how you do it today without having an identity, I really don't. So your ability to again utilize content and information and make it relevant to who you are is that's really a kind of that's a gift.
Oh absolutely. I'm just saying that when you use the term identity, I think you're using it a little bit different way than how a lot of people. What people are focused on right now, and you know, skin color and things like that, and we're you're from and how poor you are, and I what I see is your way of using a day just feels very empowering to me.
It feels like the opposite of a victim mindset. You know, I'm saying this is just my observation of reading your work and why it resonates with me because you are talking about creating a life based on your passions and strengths. I think that should be available to everyone, and I'm sure you agree with that.
Yeah, you know, that's what we're trying to do is get people to understand the value of themselves and not be stuck on you know, labels and all the external things that define them oftentimes. And you know, all of this is based on the word love, the most powerful word in the world, you know, being able to choose love as a way to organize your life around what
you love. So we put it more in practical terms, in terms of changing the energy around so that you could be more productive and achieve more because you're focusing on what you can do as opposed to what you can't do, looking at the class half full as opposed to have empty. You know, I know when you focus on negative, negative comes back to you. The law of
attraction says whatever you put out comes back. So to be able to transform yourself, you know, has to happen with loving yourself and caring for yourself.
Yeah. Absolutely. And also I'm going to guess and that you also talk about about the importance of changing the way you think and feel about yourself.
Yeah, so I mean changing the way you think and feel about yourself. Again, I go back to what Einstein said, You cannot solve a problem with the same mindset that caused it. So your ability to be able to read more, learn more, experience more allows you to have a different perspective and to apply that to your own personal professional development. Man, And to be able to you know, read content, think about it, you know, figure out new ways to apply
it to your own development. That's I mean that changed My life changed when I learned that, when I learned how to learn.
Yeah, me too, man, me too. Yeah, I was you know, going from a wasn't even college bound to you know, I actually love learning. Was such a huge shift for me, and looks like it was for you too well.
Obviously you're very bright and very smart. I'm so glad you discovered it because what you're doing now is you're empowering people and you're writing books, and that would never have happened if you had to discover it. You know how to organize content and make it relevant to your personal and professional empowerment.
Absolutely, And it also took you know, the support of a few a few people, you know, one one person who asked me in special show had a special teacher what are you still doing here? And just that one question? Man, isn't it so powerful? How just like one question from someone can completely change your whole life?
Oh my goodness. It's all about the questions. You know, who are you? What's your vision? What's your plan? You know, what are your rules of the road, what are your barriers to success? You know, it's all about answering the questions.
Yeah, but even just like the support of one other person can be so powerful.
Yes, I want to talk.
About some examples of you know, kind of make this come alive. You talk about someone called Sidney Weinberg who went from janitor. I love stories like this. So you got me all excited when I read these kinds of stories. These are other stories I love. So talk a little about Sidney Wine in his journey from janitor to top boss at Golden Sex.
Well, you know, the beautiful thing about that is he learned the process of success and how it worked. And he also believed in himself. You know, he had a great believe that and his ability to get things done. And if you can do it at an early age, you know, or at a I don't want to say low point in life. But if you can do the fundamental things, the things that get you to understand the process of success is the same for everybody. You just keep working and you have that drive. Wouldn't make a
different to what kind of job you have. You're able to again keep growing and know that you can do better and apply those same principles regardless of what level you're operating. That So he was that kind of person.
What about Oprah? You describe Oprah as a true identity leader. Why is Why is Oprah a true identity leader?
Well, number one, she knows who she are. She is, excuse me, and she knows who she is. And she's one of the greatest communicators in the world. She's been doing this a long time. She certainly is a great speaker, and she's been speaking, you know, in church at an early age, so she carried those same communication skills. Boy, she's so smart, so bright, very kind, just giving so much to the world. It's just unbelievable what she's been
able to do. I can't even believe it myself. She's you know, given scholarships to folks at More House, she's opened the school in Africa. Well, she's trained these young girls and they've gone to major schools all over the country, major universities, and she's changed your life. And she's done that over and over with her show for so many years. I think people kind of forget what she's been able to contribute. It's just fascinating who she is. And she
doesn't do another thing in her life. She's done so much. Is always trying to help pepeople and give back, and she's done that over and over and over and over again, and with her humility and her ability to really just kind of know what she's capable of doing. And oftentimes sometimes she's she might get out of her lane every once in a while, but for the most part, she's always trying to help and always trying to serve humanity
all over the world. And what she's done for women and the way she's empowered women and young girls and just such an unbelievable leader. I just can't say enough about it. It's amazing to watch her throughout these years.
It's dead man, it sounds like you're in love with this woman.
Well, she's a very special person. She's just extraordinary.
I know, I know, And you've had a really unique window on that whole development. So you've really seen this, so one of the highest levels of self actualization a human can achieve. You've you've had like a front row seat to it for how many years? Thirty years?
Well, I've been you know, around, so it's been I mean, I would not be here, I would not be able to do what I'm doing without the influence of not just her, but many people. I could go on and on.
Bob Brown, I work for it. And we traveled to South Africa, first American to ever see Nelson Mandela in prison, only American that I know of, and work with him a while, and he was one of the Missus King called him when doctor King was assassinated, assassinated to help pick up the body, you know, and I had the privilege of working with him. He was a special assistant to one of the presidents and so, you know, help open up the Nigerian government, help build that. So I've
had some great experiences you know, all around that. That adds a lot of value to you know, support systems and having great people around you who you can just watch and learn from because you know, you're green, you don't know anything. You're trying to figure it out. And you need support systems to mentors who can.
Help you absolutely, and I copefully agree with that. What is the relationship between fear and potential? I think that's a big, big part of your book.
What is the relationship between fear and potential? I think you know, one is what you can't get the potential that you overcome the fears. So what are your barriers to success? And sometimes you know, you can self sabotage yourself a lot because you doubt yourself and there's a lot of fear there. And you know, if the foundation of your existence is fear, are negative, then you know, even when you're comfortable, you kind of look at the
glass half emptans supposed are half full. So the transformation is always potential. The transformation is always what you can do, not what you can't do.
Yeah, Abraham Masol has that great quote that in any moment, we can choose to move toward growth or stay in safety, and we have to keep choosing growth again and again and overcome our fear again and again.
And beautiful.
I love that you talk about that in there in terms of your own identity development, where there's where you struggled to show who stenogram is you know, apart from Oprah, apart from all these other things, but just who you are in terms of and this is what I'm trying to do today with you, is trying to show the world the awesome work you're doing. But has it been a goal at any point?
I think, just do the work. I think if you just do the work and do what you authentically can do based on who you are, I mean, that is the work, and so that should be part of the journey and that should be what defines your existence. You know. So you've got a lot of you're connected to a lot of other things, but the most important thing is you just do the work every day. I mean, everybody's equal, because everybody is twenty four hours. So the question is
what do you do with your time? And so, man, if you can find your passion and purpose in life and what you love and what you care about, and you're lucky enough to be able to work at that, that's enough that will take you to wherever you need
to go. And you just keep building. And if you understand the value of now technology, which is where you right now as a way to enhance your value and your abilities, you know, and you go align that with your vision, and you're able to set goals and you have a process for continuous improvement, and you don't quit. Every time you fall down, you get back up, you
get back up, you get back up. You know. Then then that is that's plenty right there, and not really worry about the rest of what's happening around you.
Well, I agree. I was just asking you a human, just vulnerable question, like did you ever struggle with that in your life?
Yeah? I mean a struggle every day, you know, with it. You know, it's always not going anywhere, it's always there. You know, it depends on again how you see the world and what your makeup is and what your background is. You're still dealing with inadequacies and struggle and doubt and all of that.
Thank you, Thank you. I think that like the more you humanize yourself as well, think it really it can inspire a lot of other people. You know, we're all kind of trying our best in this world. You know, you talk about about an action plan, create an action plan, right, and how to bring it to fruition. Do you have any advice for people and how to turn that into kind of make their dream into reality?
Yeah? I think, you know, having a base, a strong based on what you love. I mean, the thing I ask people to do is is to write down everything they love in their life and then apply information to that and then develop goals around that, develop a vision around that, kind of organize a value system around it. You know, find out what your what your barriers are, what your just just success are, find out how to
build a team around it. Uh and and and read about it, learn about it, become an expert in it, and then just write things down. I mean, you've got to be able to have a plan because those things that you write down you could go back to and figure out how to create an ecosystem around all of that together. It really just makes a huge difference when you start to plan and write things down, because you know, you got fifty thousand thoughts going through your mind every
single day. You're not going to remember everything, so you've got to be able to write it down and organize it.
And also, you talk about committing to self actualization, talk a little bit more about that.
Well, working on yourself, trying to improve yourself again, being clear on how you're going to spend your time, eliminate all the time wasters. Focus. Whatever you focus on expands you know, being able to focus and and and stay on track. You know, all those things are important in terms of self actualization.
I meant to ask this earlier on like how do you even how do you find self actualization? How do you define it? Personally?
I have define it by just working on yourself. I mean right now, it's you know, most people focus on the outside world as a way to define their existence, and so they never really get to work on self. So when you start to turn it around and now everything is about what your program is going to be for that day. You know, what's your routine going to be, how are you going to improve that? You know, what are you're trying to get accomplished? Who you want to become?
Looking at that putting all of that together, it just gives you the opportunity to be able to organize a process for you know, self actualization and again going back to working on yourself. So that really it's based on the fact that the more you have, the more you can give the other people. Again, I think that it's a great way to uh be a uh you know, be a servant leader to a lot of folks outside of your own you know, interests.
I love that, you know, and it's just there's not there's not that much of a focus on self actualization these days. So it's just so refreshing to see that. You know, a lot of people they may focus on happiness or they focus on achievement, but neither of those things are self actualization necessarily. So it's really refreshing to see it. Is there anything else you want to add about your work on it, your really groundbreaking work on identity leadership, Well.
It's just that it's continuous, it doesn't stop. You continually involve. I like the fact that you're able to improve. You know, you fall down, you get back up, you you relearn information, you learn things from other people from your experiences. Uh. And it's constant, you know, it's constant production in its constant work is constant, constantly you know, you know, working on yourself and figuring out how you can do it better.
And you know, we live in one of the greatest countries in the world, so to be able to have access to systems and the experiences we have, and you know, America just provides so many opportunities for us. And now
we have the global marketplace. You know, again, we couldn't live in a better time than now because we have access to so many resources and you know, so much information and you can learn on your own and so you know, being able to have an identity as a foundation for development, creativity and learning and understanding to me is just really uh, you know, exciting.
It's really exciting. And I want to end with some sort of encouragement from Steppman who wrote quote, you are well on your way to furthering your potential as a day leader. Keep on going. It's a journey that, no matter how hard at times, is well worth it. It's a journey that leads to the satisfying and fulfilling life that you have deep down and envisioned for yourself. My best wishes to you as you continue your journey. Stebman. I want to just give best wishes to you on
your journey as well. I really made it my aim today to get your work out there to my audience and the know a little bit more about who Steedman Graham is. So thank you, Thank you so much.
I appreciate the opportunity Scott, and congratulations to you and all that you do for so many other people
Thank you so much means a lot.