264. How to set goals you'll actually achieve

have said our fame for the year. We've talked about the psychology of manifestation, we have looked back at the psychology of New Year's resolutions, and today we are going to talk about how we can be an effective, masterful

goal setter. Of course, I think what we're talking about today applies all year round, but milestones or landmarks like a new Year are really pivotal and do spur a lot of deep thinking about what we want from our life and whether we are seriously doing enough or motivating ourselves to be in the right place to receive these things. But if you are listening not in the New Year, this still applies most certainly. Also think that if you have a goal you really care about, you can start whenever.

The hardest part is just the starting and your body and your mind. You know your body is in particular, doesn't really know what time of the year it is only you know that, so whenever it is a right time for you, you should be starting. And goals are without a doubt, such an important thing for us, especially in our twenties. We want to save more, we want to travel, we want to make more friends, we want to take our health seriously, run marathons, rebuild our self worth.

All these things are really important to focus on, and I think a life without goals can become awfully stagnant because how can we really be actioning a plan for the future or for our ambitions if we don't have any structure to our thinking, if we don't have anything that we want to achieve. Don't get me wrong, though, there are definitely times when we do need to rest

and be happy with where we are. I actually really do believe that there should be periods of life where we are goalless, especially during our twenties, so we can just let ourselves explore and not be so focused on what comes next. But when it does come down to setting goals, when we feel strongly, when we have a direction, when we have something we really want to achieve, we want to do this in the most efficient way, and maybe also get some joy from the process as well. Mainly,

I think we just want to be successful. So today I want to talk to you about my method that I have fine tuned over the years for setting good goals. And my formula is really based on three components. It's based on effective articulation of our goals, meaning that we set them and speak about them in a way that's powerful and isn't just based on I want, you know, I want to save more, I want to be healthier. We want to set our goals in a way that

is deeper than that. Secondly, I want to give you the equation for basically effortless inspiration and motivation that definitely provides less friction, so you don't have to keep motivating yourself and getting back into the zone every morning every day.

And finally, how to take action even when you don't feel like it, And also how to make sure that you don't experience what we call goal reversal where you finally achieve this big thing that you want and then slide right back to where you were before you started.

That's something that we don't want to see happening. So I want to give you my best tips for ensuring that I'm feeling very inspired by this episode, very inspired and excited by this topic because it's something that I talk about to people in my own life all the time, and I just have so many little tips and pieces of advice that I have really curated over the years that I'm excited to share. So, without further ado, let's

get into it. Before we dive into my six to seven steps for setting goals you'll actually achieve, I want to talk about the three major setbacks that you are most likely to face. The biggest one, top of my mind, is a fear of failure. Plan and simple failure is psychologically such an uncomfortable feeling and sensation that we would rather accept the lesser failure of inaction than fear like

we've committed everything we had and still failed. Anyways, this fear really stems from shame, not trusting our own abilities, and especially fearing the judgments of others. Another big thing that our fear of failure is linked to is perfectionism.

I don't think that's a big surprise. There was a really, really fascinating two thousand and seven study that I found when researching this topic that observed three hundred and seventy two college students in a physical education class, and it found that for those who feared failure, who self reported that they feared failure, they were also more like to rank higher on perfectionist traits because sometimes we like to hide behind the idea that everything must be perfect to

avoid committing to action. And they were also the people who completed the tasks less frequently, even though they had such high expectations for themselves. It actually had the opposite effect where their perfectionism basically froze them in place. They were unable to act because they were so feared, so fearful, sorry of it not going right. This also explains why another big obstacle for achieving our goals is procrastination. Oh

my goodness, procrastination. If I asked a room full of one hundred people, like, why did you not achieve your goals last year? A lot of them would say because I just procrastinated until it felt like it was too late. We procrastinate because the start line is so daunting. That's really where procrastination comes down to. What just beginning? The reason? Because once we begin, once we start at something, we really only have three options fail, quit, succeed, that's it.

Fail quit succeed that is scary odds. And if you don't believe in your own abilities, you are going to see the likelihood of quitting or failing as far more likely due to the negative cognitive biases that you hold. So we really put off doing anything. And that's a really big takeaway. Procrastination is not laziness. It's not because you're not disciplined. It is because you are filled with self doubt around what it would mean to start. So

fear of failure, perfectionism, procrastination are huge ones. And you know what, I can't give you a simple fix to these things other than just to say I always like to picture these three horsemen of you know, of these three horsemen of self doubt as something that lives inside

my brain that I need to prove wrong. So I actually I really like to personify my doubts as a childhood bully or a mean colleague, or like an internet troll, because those are people that I don't respect, and so I want to take that lack of respect for them and apply it to these doubts, almost as a way of saying, if I wouldn't listen to my childhood bully anymore? Why am I listening to my self doubt? They have

the same voice, that's really where they come from. Just because my doubts are coming from my brain doesn't mean they're true, doesn't mean I have to listen to them, and I would much prefer to prove them wrong. I also like to play a hypothetical game that I'd like to introduce to you as well. And the hypothetical is what if I put these parts of myself in charge at all times? So what if my fear of failure, my procrastination, and my perfectionism got to be in charge

twenty four to seven? What would my life look like? And you know, the conclusion I always reach is that it probably wouldn't look very good, would it. So I try and name exactly what is holding me back from acting or committing to a goal, and if it has anything to do with these reasons or my imposter syndrome, I think, well, you know, I can't let the worst part of me dictate the best parts of me, and I can't let them win. So I'm just going to

do one thing today to prove them wrong. Sometimes, you know, I think another component of this the reason why we don't achieve our goals is because we're scared of hard work. So that I really like to say, what is there to be afraid of? What is hard work? Really, it's just effort. It's not impossible, it's not going to hurt you. It's actually really really valuable. It builds so much strength, it builds so much pride, it builds so much self

confidence to see a mountain and climb it. Anyways, Okay, so those were really I think the main barriers that come to the top of my mind when it comes to not just goal setting but goal achievement. And the good news is that we can actually counteract them in many many ways. And before I articulate, you know, the procedure for setting a good goal, I think we firstly need to eliminate some of the self doubt that shrouds goal setting by really focusing on how we feel internally.

When we feel confident internally and we feel self assured and masterful, that really allows us to be committed. So I want you to start with some affirmations and really be in the right mindset and to be speaking about your intentions in an uplifting, enabling way rather than a self punishing guilty way. So say with me, I want to do this for me. I want to make myself proud.

I want to see, for once in my life how far I can push myself And really tell yourself throughout this process that you're really looking for looking forward to the day when you can say, I did it, really visualize the finish line for me, don't I ruminate on how difficult the thing will be. You know, our brains are naturally resistant to experiences that we believe are challenging or negative. So how you speak to yourself about your

goal matters. And if it's future focused, if it's positively focused, if it's aspirational, if it's with pride and confidence that is going to dominate over the negative, doubtful thoughts. This is like a really really key ingredient to this process. Secondly, a really big component of setting good goals is that your goals should actually be limited. So really your only focus on one to two goals at a time, rather than trying to have five, six, seven, you know, pans

pots on the fire. You know, you don't want to have a million things that you need to change at once, because it's not going to be fun. It's going to be so much effort and you're not going to be committed. So focusing on only one to two goals at a time is truly essential. And the reason why is because the brain obviously actually has limited capacity for attention and decision making. So this is a theory basically supported by

cognitive load and goal setting theory. When we attempt to tackle too many goals simultaneously, so at the same time, our cognitive resources like attention, like energy, like discipline, and like willpower, they become divided and that leads to diminished focus and productivity. This often results in something that we call goal conflict. So that is where competing priorities make

it harder to achieve any single goal effectively. By narrowing your focus, by trying not to do it all, you actually really leverage the power of sustaining deep focus and work. And you mean it basically means that your cortex, all the areas of your brain that are responsible for decision making and for activating hard work, they're not stressed, they're not put under too much pressure. That's not trying to

juggle a million things more than it can handle. Additionally, when you achieve a small goal, or you have one to two things that you focus on, you'll probably achieve them faster, and that really gives you a positive feedback loop. That means that in the future you feel more confident in your ability to set a goal and meet it. Of course, you know, obviously there is a lot that we want to achieve in our life or in the year.

And I remember back in the day, I would set my New Years resolutions and I'd be like, Okay, so I want to run a half marathon, but at the same time, I also want to gain heaps a muscle and at the same time, I want to be a straight A student. But I want to have time for my family, and I want to volunteer and I want to get better at this, and I want to start

my own business. Too much, way too much. So if you do have a lot that you want to achieve in a year, I would really advise you to split your year into thirds so you can focus on one to two goals per third. So from January to April you're focusing on fitness. Once those habits have become entrenched and part of your routine, you shift to focusing on your career for the next four months, and then a

passion project for the final one. It's not that you'll be neglecting those areas in the other you know, whatever, my god, brain quick math eight months, there we go in the other eight months that you're not doing them. It's just that the sustained focus, the majority of your focus, will be going to that area for that period all too often, and I'm so so guilty of doing this.

We get that like burst of energy to transform our life and like tackle every single habit or area of who we are in an instant, and it actually doesn't help. We think that we I think the reason that we do that is because we think that inspiration alone will be enough to motivate ourselves. But actually, when it comes down to sustained work and sustained effort, slow and steady ri rins the races. I've always found that to be true,

and the science definitely says it as well. You know, researchers have found time and time again that people who try to accomplish multiple goals at the same time are less committed and they're less likely to achieve those goals. So if you want to be successful, focus on ideally a single or two goals. At a time. Third, once you have chosen your focus area, I want you to write your goals down. And the more creative the better. The more parts of your brain that you can activate

when you put your goals onto paper the better. So spelling them out, using dots, doing big bold letters, and coloring them in get your brain canmitted by making the process of writing down your goals a almost like artistic pursuit. Make it a physical action. You know. I read a really fascinating study recently published in Time magazine that said about eighty seven percent of the goals or things that we are aiming to do, we never actually write down.

And guess how many of those eighty seven percent of goals that are never written down end up failing. A follow up study found that people who write their goals down they are almost fifty percent more likely to achieve them than those who don't. So I really want you to embrace this simple act. Even though it's so simple it could be forgotten. Please don't forget it. Write down

those goals that you've chosen in a creative manner. Fourth, once you have your one to two goals written down, I want you to reframe them into something that is based on your character, not just your ambitions. So instead of saying I want to be healthier, I want to run ten kilometers, I want to eat better. Say I am someone who values health. I am someone who values fitness. Instead of saying I want to make more friends, start

saying I am someone who is highly social. So I first heard about this strategy in James Clear's book Atomic Habits, wonderful book, and when I read this, it blew my mind and it really made me question why any of us were ever setting goals the old fashioned way, starting with I want I want to run a marathon. I want a million dollars. Instead of saying I am someone who runs a lot, I am someone who is good

with money. I am someone who is innovative. Because statements like that, I feel like, just naturally, we know they spur better action, they spur real action, specifically, because it's not about what you can do what you would like, it's about who you are and something that I found to be true. Your character is non negotiable. Character personality,

it's constant. You can't always say the same thing about your goals, so you know you don't give up on being yourself or abandon who you are after just one step back, the way that you might give up on a goal. You don't say, oh, my gosh, I missed a run today, so I guess I'm no longer a runner. Like that's it. You know. You don't say, oh, I forgot to write in my gratitude journal today, so I guess I'm no longer a grateful person. I'm a terrible

person now because of this one thing. No, we give up on our goals a lot easier then we give up on our character. So make whatever your goal is not just like an actionable, achievable want or a task, but of part of your life, philosophy, part of who you are the person. And I think then our instinct to work towards your goal just becomes naturally more powerful because the stakes are higher. You're saying, well, this is who I am, so of course I'm going to do

this versus this is who I want. And so often it's so easy to neglect our once, it's a lot harder to neglect who you actually are at your core. So these first four or five steps, that is your formula for articulating your desires and your ambitions through good goal setting but let's move on to the hard part, the action part that is our second hurdle in this journey. All of that and more after this short break before

we talk about how to action our goals. I really want to ensure that the biggest takeaway you get from this is that you should and you must be showing up imperfectly. The only thing worse than a bad workout is no workout at all. The only thing worse then a dollar saved is zero dollars saved. Hopefully you get the picture. We are so quick to embrace all or nothing thinking with our goals because often our intrinsic fear of failure can't account for even the smallest indication of

a step back or a mistake. Additionally, I think at the beginning of setting a goal, we are so inspired and motivated that we overestimate things like our consistency in our discipline and how easy it will be to implement changes in our lives, and we underestimate the change is

hard for everyone. Everyone change is really hard. The person that you admire more than anything for what they've achieved, has been unmotivated at times, has procrastinated, has struck things off there to do this that they probably should have done. The only way to show up consistently is to allow yourself to show up imperfectly. Letting yourself show up as who you are, how you are, and with whatever it is you have to give, whatever is in the tank

that day. That is the secret to discipline, That is the secret to getting things done. So I also want to say, don't be afraid to be seen trying and to go slow. Going slow is faster than doing nothing at all, So you always have something to be proud of. Even if the progress isn't happening as fast as you would want it to, isn't linear, it's still happening. Here are my other actual tips for actioning your goals. Make it as easy as possible. Give yourself the gift of

the path of least resistance. So the path of least resistance is one that has limited distractions, limited temptations, and makes discipline this status quo. So you don't have to use up all the energy that you should be using for your goals on just trying to stay on track and put yourself back on track. So, if you want to be successful what you're doing, you know, if you want to save money, don't agree to follow around your

friend at your favorite store. If you want to exercise more, don't convince yourself that you're going to go in the evening when you're most tired. Go in the morning. If you want to put more time towards your passion project or your creative project, don't sign up for more responsibilities at work. If you want to eat more whole foods, more nutritious foods, don't go shopping when you're hungry and you're craving like just sugar and fat and yummy goodness.

Set up your future self to be able to make the decisions that will best suit your goal in the easiest, most straightforward environment. Something else that really helps me in this process is to actually set implementation intentions. These are otherwise known as if then plans. So this was an idea developed by the psychologists Elizabeth Parkerstam and Peter Golwitzer Sidner. I love that the word goal is literally in this man's name Goalwitzer. Anyways, side's the point the Bremers that

they laid out, and I think it was there. I might get the date wrong. I think it was around two thousand and nine, twenty ten paper The premise was that we need to cue our goal directed behavior and tie it to a situation, so when that situation comes up, we know that we have to act in a certain way. So for example, and if then intention could be if I wake up at seven am, then I will go to the gym. If I wake up at eight am,

then I will walk to work. If I feel tempted to scroll social media, then I will set a ten minute timer before I allow myself to If it's the weekend, then I will schedule time with my friends and family. I feel like you get the gist. The benefit of this is that it helps us see is a goal relevant opportunity when it's available, rather than waiting for the time to feel right for us. It also creates, you know, structure and rules that make performing a behavior will habiti

and therefore easier. Research has really shown like this isn't. The research around this is incredible, and it's shown that implementation intentions do help individuals seize the opportunity to act

when it is presented to them. So there was a really great another paper on this from a few years back, and they had a I don't even know how many participants, but it was a large number, and they found that seventy percent of participants who had set implementation intentions actually took greater opportunity of those opportunities compared to only thirty

three percent of participants who only had goals. So, for example, if let's choose that first one if at seven am, then I will go to the gym, seventy percent of people who had that intention would go to the gym at seven am versus thirty three percent of the people who just had a goal would go. So huge difference there. So what I want you to do is jot down three to five if then implementation intentions for your chosen

goal or goals. And you can also read the chapter about this in the book The Psychology of Goals, very appropriate name and the benefits of IF then planning. I'll leave a little link in the description. It's really really fascinating as well. So speaking of cues, we have those situational cues for behaviors, but then we can also have reinforcement or motivational cues which trigger us to feel excited

and motivated by a goal. So these are a lot more simple because basically we just want to use them to make sure that the goal doesn't leave your mind.

It's something that we are constantly reminded of. We can do that by having a picture of something attached to your goal, as your lock screen is your wallpaper on your phone, having vision boards we talked about that in the Psychology of Manifestation episode, Having a reminder that pops up on your phone at different times, anything that is keeping that goal in the present for you rather than is something that, oh, I wish i'd started three months ago. No,

you're actively still on the path to achieving it. So important. A lot of what is motivational for us is what is available to us. So if we can see and be reminded of what we want to achieve, we are more likely to partake in actions that achieve Those things also really leverage the power of visualization, Like when you are feeling low stuck, like you really just do not give a fuck why that rhymed doctor SUICIVI here anyways, When you are feeling that way, really visualize yourself achieving

the goal. Visualize yourself romanticizing the process. Visualize yourself in situation that you want to find yourself in. Visualize feel, taste, touch, the emotions that will go that will be very much coursing through you at the point of achievement, at the point of success, we want to keep this as an apt active thought in our mind. Another really important tip is to habit stack, so find ways to do two three things at once, you know. I think that a

massive reason that we struggle with goals is time. Time is the one real finite thing that we have to face, well, one of the main finite things we have to face when we're trying to achieve whatever it is that we're setting out to achieve. So you have to remember that time is something that you can elongate almost you can fill with multiple activities. Do two or three things at once.

Exercise whilst you socialize, you know, go on walks with friends, listening to podcasts while you shower and get ready, stretching whilst watching TV, journaling on the train. Time is a space that can be filled again with multiple things. So if you are someone who can multitask, take advantage of that. If you are someone who can't, that is also okay.

I feel like you just need to make sure that you really concentrate on one task in going very deep with that task at any given time and really try and save your energy that way by just devoting all your resources to the one thing that you're focusing on now. Finally, the main course of tips that I have for you today when it comes to taking action, breaking down whatever goal intension that you have into a daily habit, a weekly accomplishment, a monthly win, and then the overall goal.

So the reason we should really be doing this, more of us should be doing this is based on what we call the goal gradient effect. So breaking larger goals into smaller goals and smaller tasks I guess makes them feel more manageable. It keeps our motivation high. So which one is going to sound more achievable to you right now? I want to save a million dollars or I want to save fifty dollars this week? I feel like that's

just such an obvious one. Right. So when you start with micro goals, you know, those small actions that you can accomplish in a day, an hour, a week and gradually build momentum, you will just give yourself a better chance. What this also prevents is goal fatigue. So we set a big goal and it feels so intangible and far away that we can lose steam we can feel like

we don't have what it takes to get there. So when we break it down, sounds so common sense, but it does feel doable, it feels rewarding, and we can actually see how our actions are creating progress. So using that money example, say your goal is to save ten thousand dollars. Your daily habit is to make your lunch at home. Your weekly accomplishment is to not buy anything any new clothes that week, any new items. Your monthly goal is to save a certain amount of your paycheck.

Say I don't know, ten percent, whatever it is that works for you. All of that adds up, so again, daily habit, weekly accomplishment, monthly goal, overall goal. And the beautiful part about this is that you can really do it for anything. You can do it for any area or a topic or theme of goal that you have. I think if you build all these skills, hopefully once you achieve what you're after, you don't lose the habits and the mindset that has brought you there. That is

definitely my hope for you. Many of us will, though, experience goal reversal, also known as goal regression. Goal disengagement has a couple of names Basically, it occurs when we get everything we wanted, We've worked so hard, and then we just become completely disinterested. We feel like we either have plateaued or we fall completely off because you know, well, we've done the thing, We've done the thing we're striving for. Why continue to be in a growth or stretched mental

state when we've done. We also tend to experience what we call a post achievement letdown, also known as gold medal syndrome. So that's named after Olympians who experience emptiness worthlessness basically like a general lack of motivation after winning gold. You know you might not be an Olympian, but you will still experience this because it is psychological, and so to safeguard against it, I really want you to celebrate your wins before raising the bar. I saw a beautiful

quote the other day. It's like, maybe you don't know, you don't recognize how far you've come because you're always raising the bar. And that is really a real threat and a real danger in these situations. Once you have been successful at the thing that you wanted to do, give yourself a two week break to a rest. Please. Rest is literally the fuel that you need for your goals. Anyone who says otherwise does not know what they're talking about.

You need rest, perform and give yourself space to be proud and to get prepared for whatever it is that's coming next for you, anything that you are really keen

on in the future. I also think to guard against complacency, you can also shift from doing to contributing or sharing your achievement, so joining a club like a run club or something where you can share your expertise, joining a savings club, sharing what you've learned, or putting out a recap of your achievement and your journey on social media. Or make a podcast. You know that's my favorite one here, make a podcast it's so much fun. Or a YouTube video,

or a photo album. Photo album another big one, a scrapbook of how you've gotten to where you are, just a way of solidifying to your future self as well that hard things are possible for you and also to inspire others. I also think that if along this pathway you have focused on identity rather than achievement, this continual progress and a revision, a healthy, sustainable revision, I might add, of a long term goal, it will still match our

lifestyle and so our attitude towards it becomes easier. Right if you are someone who was healthy, if you are someone who prioritizes fitness, yes you might reach that goal of that milestone that you had in mind. But then you'll also be able to continue on with the lifestyle and the pattern of habits because you have built them up in a really, really healthy, healthy way. Okay, for my final little tidbit before we finish up this episode, I want to also state, because this is really important,

we want a balanced approach to this. So it's okay you to not always be striving for anything and sometimes just existing. You know, you are not a constant project. You're not something that's unfinished. You are not something to be fixed and to be made better. So when you do cross the finish line, and you will cross the finish line, I believe it. I know it to be true. Congratulate yourself, celebrate, maybe even consider taking a rest, just

being okay with having done the big thing. You know, people who run marathons don't go and run a marathon the next day unless they do, in which case I could never be you. But congratulations. What I'm trying to say is most of us do have periods of rest and of steadiness, and someone call it stagnation. I like to just call it steadiness in between big goals. And

that's totally okay. You know, old you, the past version of you who took that first step over the start line, despite their fear of failure, despite procrastination, they would just be so proud and shocked that you made it. And so that's something to just really celebrate and hold deer and feel really incredible about before you start on the next thing. So take a cup of weeks off, maybe even take a couple of months off, whatever it is a few days, like whatever it is that floats your boat.

You also deserve those off periods as well. But with that being said, I hope you learned something important and valuable, scientific exciting about how to set good goals. This formula is one that I use and it just works so well for me to have all of these little factors and elements in mind that allow me to set a really good intention, make it part of who I am, make sure that I am tuned in and focused on that thing. I just show up consistently. I give myself

the path of least resistance. I do all those things to make it happen, so I hope that it helps you as well. Share this episode with a family member, of friend, someone you think needs to hear this, or on your Instagram story. I love seeing where you're listening, and I always repost wherever that is, so we'd love to see where you're listening to this episode and make sure you're following us long at that Psychology podcast, because

we also take episodes suggestions. Just DM me and I will be sure to get back to you or someone from the team. Definitely will because we're on the hunt for new ideas for twenty twenty five. And with all that being said, again, thanks for listening, Stay safe, be kind, be gentle to yourself, and we will talk very very soon.