If I live in Ghana and my wife makes 10 million Ghana C DS a month and I make 7000 C DS and somebody has to stay home and take care of the house so that I don't know where make money and come, I wouldn't say because she's the woman she should stay home. I say 10 million Ghana C DS. What are you talking about now I'm. Moving more eagles to be fancy. For that is their.
Problem. Anytime I think about say I'm like why are people so pissed off when a young lady says I want Amanda can take care of me as a spec as a preference. So are we going to say that we shouldn't add that as such of their preferences? When a lady says I want a guy who can take care of me, then the men have a problem with that. Why? Why should you have a that's what she wants? If you're not in that category, move and let them go looking for
what she wants. So then do you agree that people should date in their lane? Not, you know, because they, they, I think, right, this is my personal way. I think that some men feel like they should have access to every woman. That's. I think that's what brings the fight because if you don't feel like you, you, you need access to. I am, I am looking for the web. I don't want to sound insulting, I I can't do that. So I'm looking for the web.
But that's very weak mentality. If if if if I should put it that way. At this, Jan Chai is like when you say you want something specific about someone you would want to be with. It has become a problem. If you say you want somebody that's a steak, you have, you know you are talking plenty, you're talking rubbish. If you want somebody that is paying, that's the problem. If you want somebody that has money, you're a good digger if you haven't got somebody that like a whole lot.
And so we're going to go through that. We're going to unpack that particular issue that is going on on social media. But before we go in there, do you have a spec? I do. Tell us your spec. Somebody who is sensible. That's your spec. Yeah, let's, let's top. On the list, there are types of specs. You know, there's the physical attributions, and then there's the other one. So let's start with the physical and I'm going. Secondly, physical, still
somebody who aspects. No, the fact is that that's that's the priority. You know when when you know somebody who is empathetic, who is considerate and thinks about other people's well-being other than themselves, everything else can follow. OK, so for me that's top of the list. Before I physical, I don't really think there is something I would not like. OK, so anything. Other than that, other than you being unhealthy of course. What do you mean by being
unhealthy? So nowadays when you talk about it, the thing you are, you are shaming somebody. But I'm not shaming anybody. Being unhealthy can be either malnourished or obese. So it's the full spectrum for me. It's not just about I've, I've been with very slim ladies of all, I've been with thick ones, thick ones before. And so I mean, I mean. So you like, I feel like with what you're describing, it looks like you want people in the middle like. I want middle and above I I hear.
But I mean physically I will choose balance. That's that's what I say all the time. I would want to choose a balance, not too much on this side and the other side it's not giving, not present or too much. And if it's balanced, it's it's good for me. Ubres Kaka bunda Kaka you. Know everything. Let me look at something. I beg, I'm beg. If you can't do this like that, then yeah. OK, so understanding your spec, I mean it's reasonable, but then when does it become unreasonable to have a spade?
Because as I said before, it has become a problem now when you say you want a certain type of person. So what I think about this, basically there's a battle between males and female. I don't say men and women, males and females, when it comes to physical attributes. Mostly women have a problem when a man has that spec. In what sense? In the sense that walk on the street, ask a lady what do you look out for in a man?
They will gladly tell you I want 6 pack and somebody who's taller than me because I want to look up to him. I don't want to look down on him. What happens to the short guys? The short guys also deserve love shots kings. But if the tables are turned and the guy says OK I want just new lady. I don't want the fact girl. They say you are body shaming mostly always say that. Then on the other side when a lady says I want a guy who can take care of me then the men have a problem with it. Why?
Why should you have a that's what she wants? If you're not in that category, move and let her go looking for what she wants. So then do you agree that people should date in their lane? Not, you know, because they, they, I think, right. This is my personal way. I think that some men feel like they should have access to every woman. That's. I think that's what brings the fight because if you don't feel like you, you, you need access. To I am, I'm looking for the
web. I don't want to sound insulting. I I can't do that. So I'm looking for the web. But that's very weak mentality. If, if, if, if I should put it that way, because human beings have choices and the fact that you see somebody you're attracted to them doesn't necessarily mean they have to us duplicate it. It's, it doesn't work like that. So if I like you and you don't like me, move. But it's looking like it's becoming a fight because this is a thing.
I remember some time back, right, there was this whole thing about men that are like us and then women that are also looking for men that will take care of them. And then the only attributed, you know, you need to have, let's say if you're a man and you're looking for a girl that has us and you need to have money, you know, and I'm like, OK, So what about those that don't have us that are looking for men that are going to take care of them?
It all comes down to choices. I mean, there are men who have the means to take care of a woman and they are not looking for as much flesh as I would look for. So they want something portable that can fit into their perhaps and that's that's their choice and they have the means. So when they meet a lady like that, they are more than ready to take care of them. I I think that when people talk about choices, no, nobody should have a a problem with it.
Yeah, but they do. So now they have to find why they do. That's one weak mentality and lack of understanding, because if you understand how the world works, even God does not force people to worship him. He says he has given everybody free will. So if God himself cannot force me to worship him, who are you to tell me I must like you by force? Or who are you to say you have access to everybody? Everybody has a choice. So it's it's it's a mentality problem from from my perspective.
I think the whole idea of, you know, spec and preferences in relationship, like you said, it has become a war between a male and female, you know, the gender thing. And because of that, people coming up with, oh, I want this in that person. I want that in that person. Now it's become a superficial thing. They feel like it's superficial now. Anything that comes to you, take it. I think that is bull crap because everybody, just like you have the right to serve whoever I want to serve.
It's like you have the right to put or whoever I want to put, I also have the right to choose. Yeah, because from her whereabouts, I also have the right to choose whoever I want to be with. And so in 100 years, anytime I think about it, I'm like, why are people so pissed off when a young lady says I would, Amanda can take care of me as a spec, as a preference. So are we going to say that we shouldn't add that as such of the preferences? You talk about being superficial.
I think that, you know, for most men, I can't say 100%. You can't generalize like that anywhere. For most men, they people say that a man can marry any lady but women have to women can't. They have to make sure they get somebody who fits their criteria because a man loves 100% women. Yes, I'm very sure of attempting. If you want we can discuss it. Men love unconditionally, but a man is only loved on condition that he can provide. OK, I hear people say this a lot.
A man can pick up any lady from anywhere and say I'm taking care of you. OK. To a certain point, and then I'll marry. Hardly. Will you hear any do that? Yeah. But you see, if we're saying that, then we could also say that at some point men would be like, I don't want a woman that cannot take care of their home. That's also a preference. For me it is. So they can't marry anybody. They they there are people who would gladly take care of the whole.
That's why there are also women that would gladly marry men that don't have it. Yes, but but that's that's, that's scarce. If I should put it in that sense, it says scarce because it happens. I'm not saying it's it's not there it happens, but it's it's quite scarce a man. Listen, let's let's come down to if you go home today and tell your parents that I've met this
guy I'm going to marry him. Your mother might be all because you may not all emotional about things oh blah, blah, blah, but to he or for he and all those things. But your father will sit you down and one of the top three questions you will ask is what job does he do? OK, you can try this anywhere my. Mom would do exactly the what job not. The what job does he do? It's a requirement for every guy who wants to settle down with that Lady, even from the lady's
family. But I have brothers, right? And then when I remember at some point my mom talking about the fact that is my brother, sure, like when the first one was getting married, is he sure that the lady that is bringing on can't take care of the home? I think for men too, that is a thing that. Requires some. It's a thing, yes. Yes, it is also a thing because now when you talk about gender roles people are saying you're
being sexist. But the fact is there that women are natures and a man can do whatever he wants to provide a house and give birth. But it is the woman who makes it a home. The woman is the one who will nurture the home, including the man, and make sure the place is welcoming. Women are multipliers. You give her a little she's capable of using. I don't know how, but it's a God giving thing.
If you believe in God, if you don't, what if I believe in give it to you and be able to multiply that and make it huge. I remember Michelle Obama was asked some time ago that if she hadn't married Barack Obama, what would she have have done? Is that she will still be the wife of her president, OK? Because it is her destiny to be the wife of the president. Whether you, if you, if you marry him and you have tapped into that. Donald Trump cries still.
She still would have been and I, I believe her. OK, because women have a way of getting things done. OK, Yes, men, we are there. But women have this way of working things out and you think about it and it will shock you. So what? What I'm saying is that the gender roles are there in the world we live in now. It is up to the two people in the relationship or the marriage
to sit and discuss. I mean, if I live in Ghana and my wife makes 10 million Ghana C DS a month and I make 7000 C DS and somebody has to stay home and take care of the house so that I don't know where make money and come. I wouldn't say because she's the woman, she should stay home. Must say 10 million Ghana cities. What are you talking? About and I'm moving uiggles to move to me fancy. For that is their problem. You think the culture we live in also does not help when it comes
to these things. And Aberman you say? And Aberman you say Aberman. Last week we talked. About this whole men and feelings thing. It's, it's, it's, it's neither here nor there. That time is past. The fact that the fact on the ground is that time is past. Now the two of you in the relationship discuss and decide this will work for us. No2 relationships are the same. It is never the same. You can have this pastor's family and this pastor's family.
Let's train this pastor's daughter after her mother. Let's train this pastor's son after his father. Let them get married. Their marriage will never be like their parents. It doesn't happen. Twins are not the same. So I watched the video some few days ago of twins. I think they were born those who do like shall best thing and they give it, you know, a pool of water and all those things. So the trains were in the water and the caption was that these things don't know they are born
yet. So because they were still under the water in the in cool, you know those who were born then then one had full grown hair. The other one looked like an old man who was bored. So it's like I'm there to comment and ask why does one look young and the other one looks like he's losing his hair? But I, I didn't write anything. I mean, somebody's day one, no one to be mean like that. Even twins were born on that day were different. So no two relationships will work the same way.
One will work for you and I might not work for me and another lady, even though I'm a common factor in here. So now the, the world that we live in now, I think that people just have to come to an understanding and discuss. That's why I'm saying for me, top priority is somebody who is sensible. We need to sit and talk about things. Do you believe that having a, what do you call it, a spec you know, gives you unrealistic dreams and you know all those things? Some are. So what?
What are what's, what's you know, Professor, would you want that? Seems unrealistic. You see what I say is this if if you want to put down a list of things that you want in your partner, first look for those things in yourself. If it is possible for you to achieve those things then by all means you can list them and say your partner should be. You live in Ghana. How many aeronautic engineers do we have in Ghana?
And you are saying you want one who is God fearing who has 6 pack, is 6 feet tall, makes 6 figures and that's the specific job. Sometimes see ladies, sometimes we have to tone it down. I mean it's OK to have choices but Charlie sometimes let's realistic we, we live from the known to the unknown. So if you want to have choices, make choices of the ones that are available and do a nice
combination. I have heard a pastor say that you want somebody who is calm, who will not maltreat you, who is blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, but you go out and look for bad boys because you want adventure attached to that. Meanwhile, they're cool, calm, collected, pampering people you are talking about. They are in the church. They are church boys who makes you know who are not adventurous. I don't think they're in the church. You say I don't think they're. Some are in the church. Some.
Yes, Yeah, Some are found in church, some are found on the streets, some are, some are in the club. I mean, people are everywhere. But what I'm saying is that don't go look out for somebody who is wildly doing things that are wild. I think you can change them. Do you think people you know having specs, those ideas are keeping them from their real partners? Yes, sometimes that haven't. So if your spec is not your real partner, then why are you even having those specs in the first
place? What what? What do you mean by real partner? You already have a partner. No. So you have an idea of who you want to be with, which is your preference of who you want to be with. Do you think having those preferences, like wanting a guy that is tall or a dark guy or a guy that you know is living on their own, a guy that is, do you think having those, you know, preferences can keep you away from meeting somebody that's actually going to be the one for you?
I believe so. Sometimes that happens in the sense that there are times if you have listed 6 things you want in a guy, you find somebody who has three, find somebody who has four of them. Why you look here, you find somebody who has five, You'll never find all of them in the same guy. More often than not readily made like that for you. You can't, OK? Sometimes you are the one who is going to build him to achieve the two that you don't find in him.
OK, be careful. I'm not saying when waste your time some guy who you don't see any future with then do it. But but some just sometimes it's it's all in the being realistic. You have found a guy who just fresh out of the university doing national service and our university boy. So we were training while building a worker. You see he's muscular, he has some sex packs. He's not coming to start life. You want somebody like that to
be making sex figures. You want him to be driving a Mercedes and national service paying a singing 750 Ghana CDs. You want him to be driving their bans on 750 Ghana CDs a month. How much food does he eat in the month? You may be the one who would connect him to this man and that man and that woman and that woman who would link him to go get some job that could give him that kind of life. So if you find some of the things you have listed and potential in him, then by all means built.
But then one of the things that also I, I have in mind is this is your spec, your spec as in what you want does that that same person want you to. So let's just say I see you as my. Thank you very much. Thank you. Thank you very much for that question. The question again, there's this video, I'm sure you've seen it. It has circulated on social
media a lot. And these Americans, they sat on a podcast like this and they were discussing and the woman was like the man who is like this and like this and like this and like this. They are not there anymore. And there was a guy there who said, no, I don't agree with you. They are there. They are the fuelling stations. They are the banks, they are the markets, they are the supermarkets. They are everywhere. It is just that you are not what
they are looking for. So when they meet you, they're also looking for some specs so they will pass you by and you wouldn't even get the chance to know him, to know that he actually fits your preference. So it's, it's actually the The funny thing is that a lot of people think we have choices, but the other guy shouldn't have a choice. So once we see you and we say, oh, you fit into like, and the guy says, no, my, my focus is somewhere else.
And then the a lot of people don't know how to handle rejection. Thank you A. Lot of people don't know how to respond to no, so that is the major factor in this whole spec and choices issue. If we all agreed that well, he fits into my categories but.
If I don't fit. It's if I don't fit into his and he doesn't want me. If I don't fit into his and she doesn't want me and then also be be careful where you find your spec, OK, because one, if you're looking for ADB who or Whiska he she's this, she's that, she's this and you find one in the Trotsky. It's questionable. DB is also. No, now you.
The only thing you're looking for is ADB who spends, I mean vacation or say OK, this vacation, I spend it in Spain or probably be in Dubai or something like that. You think that person is sitting in the trusty waiting for you. It doesn't happen like that. It does not happen. So be careful where you sometimes dress up. Go to places that are a little above.
If the person you're looking for is above some standards that you are in dress up. Go somewhere, pay 350 CDs, go for buffet at Lancaster or one of the big hotels. You will meet what you are the spec you are looking for some nice lady with some very nice figure almost 6 feet. She's tall and that she has but she's DB but she's holding her car keys and they also are looking for love.
But if you find her there as she speaks you in you are not a spec and he says no, please move on. See me this whole idea of speaking thing I've OK, so growing up, I think my whole idea of spec has been black man, you know, a bit taller than me, responsible, OK, has sense like you said. Yeah, yeah, you know, Wait, wait, let's start again. Black man a bit taller than you. Responsible has sense four 4x4 Let's go. Oh, let's go. Four way it's empathetic. Five, you know.
Is a homely person 6A person the. Only Empire. Is also responsible in terms of providing. I'm not saying that you are coming to do 100% like you know, but at least be able to take care of your own self. 7. The real 'cause it's. Very important to me continuing. You're able to take care of yourself. Yeah, if you find yourself in that space and after spending time with you.
And the trick is, for me, I don't care if we're everything in these books and I spent time with you and then the energy doesn't match, I will detach. What is the energy you're talking about? I mean, some people can, you know, fit your physical attribution, but then when you are able to get in touch with them, like you can't even communicate with the person. You can't even like talk with a person on something and it won't turn into like a fight.
I remember I met somebody who fit my like physical way and then. Use me as an application. No, I love it. I am. Let's start again. I am back. I'm a back man. I am taller than you. I am responsible. I am out homely, continue continue add empathetic. I am, Oh my God. Yeah. I can cry for you. Add continue. Let's finish it. I've mentioned 5. Add the last two. It's OK. Responsible. I can't take care of myself well. And then the last one is you. Marry me, Can you take care of
me? You said I should take care of myself. I need to take care. Of you obviously in the dating period, but when you migrate into marriage. My time with my I would have made money me. Yeah, no. But at the end of the day, I'm just trying to say that. What is left with the energy? Is the energy. Some people can fit your physical attribution, but in the end, when you actually sit down with them, try to have a conversation with them, you realize that you're dumb as a
beat. That's why I started with the person must have you know. And for me, I feel like in this generation, we'll look more into the physical attribution. What does actually quickly end this part We look more into the physical attribution without going deep into you know, that's where the superficial reasons ends. Girls do not ever compensate just because of a physical attributions. Well, the physique on your accident more pain than a consciousness.
The the only thing, the only thing yes, because then the physical things that put you to him, they are not there again. Then what's next? So you should look beyond the. Yeah, that's. What I think anyway. You should you should look at everything physical, spiritual, mental, emotional, stability and then financial. We can't downplay this. It is very important. See you guys. Didn't look like. Financially, I have friends who say, oh, my friend who says she
likes you. The first thing I'll ask you is, is she rich? Me, That's what I'll ask because it is very important. Let's not play it down. Then later on you enter a relationship and you, you are now finding excuses to want to step out. It is very important. So these things, all of them, the physical is important, as important as the spiritual, the emotional, the mental and financial, it is very important. Let's let's, let's do this quickly.
We pretend like when somebody says I want financial security, the person is being a gold taker. Please, about six months ago, I almost moved to Taqwa because I wanted to go and then go and present me correct? Oh wow, that's nice. Please, if you are digging gold to to save yourself to be stable financially, please go ahead and dig. Don't mind anybody who will call you a gold digger. One, don't be superficial and be all about money and not think about anything else.
But the money is also as important as everything else. So if you want financial stability and because of that they are calling you a gold digger, please go ahead and dig. If you find where we can dig more, come and call me. I'll come and dig some because money is important. Yeah.