I feel like it's that time of year again, at the end of the year where everyone comes out of the woodworks and talks about their worst dates. Like it's like the year where everyone reflects back and they're like, do you know what, I'm swearing off dating? I'm going single?
Yeah, I mean it never gets easier, how does it?
But there are these internet threads going bonkers where people have been riding in their dates and they're so cooked. Yeah, I've listened to one of these. She told him she was a vegan, and he took her out to a steakhouse intentionally. When she said, Hey, I'm a vegan, can we go somewhere else? He said, nah, a bit of metal?
Do you good?
Oh my god.
I think that was an innuendo there.
But if you're a vegan, you get invited.
I don't think about that. She also would still have to eat steak, so he was still a prick.
But if you're a vegan, why did you even go, like just say no? Why did you say yes to the date?
I went on a date once when I was single. This was years ago when I first came out. It was one of my first like guy dates, and I was dating this guy, and we were on the like an open car park rooftop, and he was shivering, like I'm talking like shivering, and I wanted to get a look over the city to make a move to kiss him. And we're looking over the city like, you know, more faster and simber, and put my arm around him. And he was hypothemic. He was shaking and cold to the touch,
corpse like. And I was like, you're really cold, and he's like back to the car, and I was like, what's wrong? Is everything right? And I've got the scoliosis, I've got a metal bean through my spine.
Oh he was so he was literally freezing from the inside out.
He's got a metal pole through his body. His half cyborg. He froze.
He's not do you know. I went on a date once where the guy it was literally a lunch date. I'm talking sandwich in the smoothie and the guy made me go and get twenty dollars cash from an ATM.
Did you give it to It's insane.
I also went on a dinner date. He invited me to dinner, then he didn't eat, didn't drink, and then I paid for it.
There's a lot of flogs out there. I went on a date once and I left to go to the broout his house and I went first date though, and it was he look it sounds bad, but he said it was just for dessert, and that's what I thought it was. Anyway, I went to the bathroom and I came back out and he was completely stark naked, and there he was with two apple pies. And it was not what I wanted at all.
What was the dessert? Apple pies?
But he had it on him.
Anyway, he says, that's the weirdest thing I've ever heard, and he's called reminded you of a horror date story? What happened to you?
Yeah, I don't know if it's much of a date. It's definitely unique, is it. I was on holidays and I met this guy and he's working his part time summer job hiring out kayaks and paddleboards on the side of the river, and we hit it off and we decided to go for a little bit of a paddle downstream. We inevitably started getting it on on the river bank. What a nice date, I know, so romantic, and thankfully for me, it didn't last very long because as we
wrapped up. He proceeds to let me know that this whole time, there has been a brown snake under my head.
Oh my god, he didn't tell you, and he didn't.
Stop till he was done.
That is so it was very focused.
I can imagine they.
Also there was two snakes. There wasn't there was.
I'm being told, apparently we have your husband, Laura, Mattie Jay who's been listening.
He's dated a lot of women, Maddie, I hope he's not still.
Hello, guys, how are we so well? This is when I lived in London. I lived in London for four years, just in case anyone was wondering, and I was on a first day. I met this girl on Tinder. We met at the pub and I thought the date was going really well, like she was super chatty, super sociable. We were having great conversation. The only weird thing was she just kept going to the bathroom, but not just once, not twice, would go to the bathroom quite frequently in
between drinks. And then I realized that she was actually indulging in how can I say the Devil's dandriff, if you know what I mean?
She was having her own party yeah, we get it.
We get it.
A couple of those beers, and then eventually, after a little while she was like, look. She owned up to it and said, do you want someone I can give it to you go to the room, and I was like, no, I'm okay. You know, it's a Tuesday night and I think I think I'll pass. And then she took that really badly. So she then announced on the top of her lungs to the entire bar, going oh, great, so my date's going to judge me because I'm doing this. He thinks he's better than me, and then started attacking me.
And then after a little while I kind of tried to calm down the situation. I said to her, I think it's best if I leave, and then once again she stood up at the top of her voice in front of everyone was busy Buy in London, saying like, well look at look at me now, who's an idiot? My date's walking out of me. That makes me feel really good. Thanks a lot for a great first date.
How do you feel, Matt, that like someone needed that much help to get through a date with you?