It's Thursday, which means we have to do this.
Everybody ask Ask John Cut is something we do on our podcast, Life Uncut podcast every single Thursday.
It's my favorite segment.
You guys call up with your deepest, darkest burning questions, your biggest conundrums, and we do our best to help you out. Today we have Phoebe on the phone, and Phoebe hasn't asked gun Cut that we have never actually covered before.
It's very different, and it's about the sex of your baby. Hi, Phoebe, Hi, guys, how are you? Hi, Phoebe? What's been happening?
So I am halfway through my pregnancy and I have just found out that I'm having a baby boy, and you know, just so so excited and that sort of stage. But I cried and I continued to cry for about twenty four hours. I guess I just had this fear and dread that I wouldn't be able to bond with my baby. And it's a hard topic to talk about because it brings up, you know, fear of judgment be canceled.
But these feelings are real and they're huge, and you know, I've a little bit disappointed and I just, yeah, I want to be able to be excited about my baby, and I don't think that I'm the only person to go through this. So guys, how do I deal with it? Or do I deal with gender disappointment?
Phoebe, It's so hard because it's on one hand, there's so many women who have issues with fertility and then they're worried about or they have to think about, you know, wanting to get pregnant and how difficult that is for some people. And so I guess that's why when you talk about things like gender disappointment, it seems and feels like it's it almost feels selfish to be able to
verbalize it. But then even if you don't verbalize it, it's still something that so many women experience when they find.
Out the gender of their babies.
If they've had you know, maybe they've had a vision or a thought on what kind of mum they were going to be. And I say this because when Lola was born, and I'm even want to be careful with this, I don't want anyone to kind of think that I
had gender disappointment. But I expected when my when my second baby was born, that I was going to feel the same way I did when Marley, my first one, was born, which was like I was just so happy and so excited, and I remember when they they kind of pulled her out and they're.
Like, it's a girl.
And I didn't have those feelings. I felt just really surprised, Like I just had this moment where I was like, oh, that's not what I was expecting. And then I felt really sad that my feelings were anything other than just being completely grateful. But I think it's something that so many people experience and then it's just a matter of time. Like you, you know, you get to meet this little baby and the gender just kind of falls away.
You don't really care about it. It's everyone experienced. Just you, febs or is it your partner as well? Is it something you're sharing together or do you feel you're going through this alone.
No, he's so excited to have a boy, but he's been so supportive. You know, he wanted a girl, so because it knew that I wanted a girl, yea, but yeah, he's obviously really excited for a little boy. And yeah, I feel like it's a you know, you have to grieve a lots of this imaginary life that you come up with, you know, having a little little girl to deal with and that sort of thing. So yeah, I feel like it's almost grieving that imaginary loss.
Yeah, of course, and also grieving like the version of motherhood that you thought you.
Were going to have.
Have you Have you felt any difference since finding out, because I think sometimes it can be like a real initial shock and then after a couple of days you're like, oh, this is not as big a deal as what I first thought it is, or are you still feeling that that level of like, oh, no, I'm really sad about this.
No, I am funny to feel a bit better. And I guess some of the things that have helped me are talking to other boy mums and you know it funny to refer to the baby as he and him, And the best part, I suppose is is just being able to shop for little boy outfits, I suppose, which is probably the biggest thing that's helped. And yeah, so I am funny to feel more positive, and I know how lucky I am that you know, our journey was so easy, but still the feelings were or are there?
Yeah, I think once it comes out and you hold him and you see that he's healthy.
You were just going to love every set.
It'll be your yeah, thieves, hope good and congratulations.
Oh yeah yeah.
The gender supp it's a real thing.
I think it's something so many mums experience, and every single person who experiences it is scared to talk about it because it feels so insensitive to do so.
And I get it.
Hey, if you've got a question you want, I'll help with DMS on the pick Up on Instagram and we'll help you.
Out on the show.
Well, speaking about kids, something happened to me the other night which really made me question the things that I have been teaching my children.
That's next time the Pickup