It's the Pickup with Britt, Laura and Mitch. Here rush into Chemists Warehouse. This Father's Day for big brand fragrances at the lowest prices Chemists Warehouse great savings. Every day. It is time, guys for this. Ask Kat.
So Ask gun Kat is a show favorite. We do it every Thursday, and it's where you, guys, you call in with your deep, your dark, your biggest problems and we do our best to answer them. Now we have a really, really hard one today. We have Tanya on the phone and she is having some parents, some problems co parenting with her partner's X.
Oh my god, Hi Tanyall, welcome to the Pickup.
Hey guys, Hi, Hi, Danielle, Danye.
What's happening.
I'm just kind of co parent with the narcissist luck and I'm on the other end and it's my partner's ex wife. So I'm seeing it as the female watching the male get completely screwed, and you know, his children are being taken away from him and used as financial pawns. And I'm realizing how powerless I am. But all like men in these co parenting situations, I got them at a very young age, extremely close. So this has only
kind of happened over the last year or so. Was so actively involved and we had them for so long and regularly, and then all of a sudden when they I guess became of age. It was just they were manipulated and mayde believe that they were only financially benefited for us and we don't have them anymore.
So how old were they? And then what happened a year ago? Like what changed?
Yeah, so their preteens kids test both parties. We get that we were acknowledged like one of the kids were lying. We thought we would address it. The other party had basically shared that information and manipulated this situation to go, well, they've gone through your personal devices, they've caught you out, and now they're like, well I don't want to come home.
So when you say the kids are being used as financial pawns and against you in what capacity do you mean that is the X trying to get more money from you?
Yeah? Yeah, so obviously through you know, your child support, you the kids have to stay a certain amount with the dad for them to I guess be considered as a contributor. Is not the dads have to pay more child support.
Well, now do you think that she's trying to manipulate the kids to want to stay with her more to get more money.
It's not thinking, it's one hundred percent.
I think that all you.
Can really do in this situation is the kids are going to look back and remember how they were treated by whom at this point. But if you are constantly not showing these kids that they are loved and supported and you know you will do anything for all them and they feel safe, then that is going to be
powerful enough. When the time comes and the other mum is telling them these stories against you try and manipulate them, they're like, well, we actually have an amazing time when we're with them that we feel so loved and so safe.
I know that they're preteens and maybe it's changed, but from my understanding, I grew up in a separated household. We had to do shared parenting with my dad. Even at preteens, you don't really have a choice around where you are at. It's still too young to make that decision for yourself, and so there should be some If you're not able to be able to get parenting access because that's being denied to you, there should be some
other ways in which that can be. I don't want to go so far as say, man data, but there are rules around it where you know the kids are going to be co parented between the two houses, and I think in order to have that opportunity to have face time with them so that when they are with you, they know that they're not in trouble, because that seems like that's a big thing, is that they're so worried that they're going to get in trouble if they're at
your house. But having them to exactly as it's said, like reinforce that they're not in trouble, reinforce that the love is consistent and that it's not conditional based on the way that they're behaving or what they're doing. And I guess the other big thing is is you can go through these periods where you think that this is going to be a static but in a year's time
they will be older. The situation will continually change as they get a little bit older and as their understanding of everything changes too, And I think the only thing you can be is consistent with your love and your your adoration of them.
And also last thing, kids, even if they're yours or their step children, it doesn't matter. At that preteen early teen age, they hate you regardless, Like every kid goes to that moment where they're going to hate their mum and they rebel and it does come back around, and it will because you sound like an amazing parent. So that's also. I know you feel horrible like you're the horrible stepmum. But we've all literally, I feel like especially females, but like girls, we all go through it.
It's hard on Alan because you know we have and obviously you have to go back to courts now.
Protes Yes, yeah, that's the problem.
They do have their stay once they're past twelve, so it's hard because they miss them. And yeah, like the dynamics of our family have changed, you know, the pressure on our marriage, trying to support that relationship when these beautiful minds are being manipulated and said, it's horrible to think that that's what they're growing up to believe.
Yeah, that's tough. Telling keep us updated, Okay, our thoughts are with you and listen. If you want to get on the show like that, you can DM us on the pickup on the socials so you can write in the Pickup dot com dot Au. But that is a tricky situation.
Yeah, really is, isn't it.
Yeah, all right, guys were back after this here on the Pickup