I wanted to talk about something I came across this couple's therapist. His name's Jonathan van Vegan. What a name, Jonathan van Vegan. He is quite vocal around different traits that he sees in his couples that who come in for therapy, hallmarks that usually indicate that the relationship is
not going to work out. Now, he created a piece of content that was about the seven phone traits that you should keep an eye out for, and if your partner starts doing these things, they could be indications that maybe they're not being completely faithful. And I would love to get your opinion on these brits. So this is what he thinks are all red flags. Number One, their phone is on do not disturb almost twenty four to seven.
Well, yeah, okay, I've got it. If mine's on silent twenty four to seven.
Do not disturb, it is a different kettle of fish, I think.
Yeah, but you can notify anyway. I just did it to you when you're on the toilet.
You did, you did. I was trying to enjoy my pooin piece in that break, but she was I said, to produce a graes.
I'm just going to message her see where she is, and I said, oh, she's on disturbed and they went notify anyway, all right.
Number two, they flip their phone face down whenever you're in the room.
No, not the end of the world, because on its own could be seen as respectful, You've got my attention, I'm not gonna look at my phone. But combined with do not disturb and other things, maybe so.
I think that this one is a pretty telling sign to me anyway. And that was because when I was in a long term relationship with a guy who was cheating on me, he was so secretive about his phone. He would always have it face down. It didn't matter where we were or what we were doing. We could be like watching a movie, we could be out for dinner, wherever it was. I could never see the screen on his phone. He was so secretive with it. Number three.
Their phone is always in their hand, like it's an emotional support animal.
I don't think that's a red flag anymore because that's almost everyone, But like, they never leave it around the house.
It's always on their body. They never leave it unattended. I think that's weird. Number four, they forget to tell you that they've changed their password. Sorry, babe, I just changed it.
Not weird. I don't think you need to tell your partner that you change password. I'm not sold on this therapist yet.
Number five they get weirdly defensive when you casually ask who's that on the phone.
Yeah, okay, that's fair. You shouldn't be defensive.
Here's a questionable one. Their phone's war paper includes the kids, but you are nowhere in sight, mate, this van Vegan.
It's a bit of a stretch. Like if you've got your kids, you're allowed to have them on your phone.
That's true, but like you could also have your partner on there from time to time. Maybe they're trying to pretend like this single is what.
He's saying, but also maybe they're a proud parent but not proud.
Husband or wife. Yeah, exactly, okay. And number seven they text with their phone tilted away from you, like they're hiding a nuclear launch code. So they never text that you can see what's on screen. Or maybe they've got one of those privacy screens so that you can't see.
Them, No, because then you don't need to lean away. True, the privacy screens are amazing. Actually, it's so easy to cheat these days. I'm not saying that, but like the cheating ten years ago was hard because you could get caught so easily, but now there's so many like things that help you cheat. I don't know about Van Vegen. I reckon that these things individually they're not alarm bells.
No. I agree.
If your partner's doing all of them, then yeah, I would be like, Okay, there is something very secretive on that phone.
So he went on to say that privacy in a relationship means respect. However, secrecy means that you're hiding something. When I read.
This, Van Vegan should be winning award means hiding something.
When I read through this, I was like, individually, some of these things could seem really petty, and you could seem really crazy to raise them to your partner as issues that you have around their like secrecy with their
phone use. But if you're in a relationship where someone's doing lots of these things and being super weird about you ever, like touching their phone or being near their phone, that I think that sometimes it does pertain that not necessarily that they're cheating, but just that they might not be being completely honest with who they're speaking to on their phone.
Maybe they're proposing, maybe they're I've got some stuff on your phone.
That's what happened to me.
I know, Laura, and you haven't learned from that.
No, Well, to be fair, I've never looked at MAT's phone and suspected that he was cheating on me. So I think I have. But when Matt was planning on proposing to me, he had put photos of diamonds that he was looking at and choosing between into a photo vault on his phone. And so this one day he was showing me something on his phone and then he flicked past a photovolt and I was like, well, that's new.
Why have you got that on your phone? And I also had come from a relationship where, you know, my ex had had a photo vault on his phone and it was filled with photos of girls that he had been with, you know, while he cheated on me. So like I was a photo vault triggered me bad, and Matt was like, it's nothing, I'm not showing you anyway.
We had a bit of a fight about it, and it didn't even spring to mind that it might be a proposal.
Never, not one positive thing sprung to mind. I only thought he was doing the dirty and anyway, his sister pulled me aside and was like, Matt is trying to do something nice for you and you were ruining it. Yes, she's like, pull your So what we're taking from this is don't take my advice or Vair vegans