FULLSHOW! When have your kids cost you $$$ 🤑

Laura, and come on here, Hollo Tuesday were doing pick uppers?

About what are our listeners called?

Are the uppers?

We're here to pick you up whatever you're doing. Not the pickers, pies, mate, picker.

Uppers, pick rappers, the pickers.

You No, that doesn't land, I reckon, they're the picker uppers.

Alright, fair enough?

Picked up?

God for three creative minds. You think we would come up with something better than the pickup?

Really stuck, Laura? Laura couldn't care less?

Or I should call them people and move on. I want to get home to be kids in me. Hot husband escalated? Who is pretty hot? It's gorgeous? Now you know what it's like.

You know, when you've seen something that's good looking a lot, even I become like I'm immune to it.

Wait, you're desensitized to to his hotness? Now you know you are?

Ye?

You didn't sleep with him. That's because he doesn't fart around you.

That's what it is, don't.

I don't mean that he's very very.

How can that be the truth when I still see both your beauty and I work with you every day.

Laura's vomiting in her mouth? Thanks me?

All right?

Do you know what, we're just speaking about pickup at pick upperas or pig being picked up, and I want to talk about nose picking instead, going from one pick to another.

Yeah, good, all about my daughter Molly May.

She has started picking her nose, which is costing me a lot of money.

Put it that way.

Interesting, it's cost me a lot.

Picked a brain out or who would have ever thought that nose picking could be so expensive? Past?

Can't wait to see where this goes.

That's on the way.

Welcome to the pickup, your uppers, your people.

So we all know Pink as one of the great vocalists of our time.

She's such incredible performer.

On top of her singing ability, like no concert I don know if you've ever been to one of her concerts.

I have.

She does like the whole thing is like an acrobatics performance.

It's truly incredible. She doesn't stand on stage and sing. If she's not dancing, she's in the air. She's swinging like it's it's like an Olympic sport.

I always wondered if she was like miming it, you know how they sometimes have the music playing and they're just kind of mouthing it. Yeah, lip singing because she's always so active on stage, and I think, like, how can she possibly run up and down and still be getting them whole time.

Well, she's going viral at the moment for the way she prepares her voice for a performance.

Now.

I don't know if you've ever seen Beyonce, She like will walk on a treadmill and try and sing at the same time. I guess it's to get your aerobic rhythm in line. What Pink does is she lays on the ground like she's in a crunch position, like she's doing an ab workout right, and she gets somebody to stand with their full body weight on her chir on her stomach, and then she sings with them with the pressure of them on her bearing down her stomach, and she says, it sings.

Better listen to this, okay, taking up your stomach.

I'll sing.

Where is this? No someone's on that's amazing? Embaris and media gonna die. You gotta get so I want to try it out.

Mitch, you're your people wight not know, but you've got a pretty good voice on you. It's it's mainly an opera voice. Can we have a little a little sneaky.

I realized this is where this was going. But I'm classically trained. I studied few thank you a scholarship. I I can I can sing operatic.

What do you want?

It's just wonder Brich No little testy pop.

They have a pretty good seven tuning in in the middle of that. Will be so confused, like wrong ready station. Okay, well that's a seven out of ten.

So let's you're going to put someone on me.

I want to see if you can sing better, if you could lay on the ground and maybe Laura can stand on you.

You bring him on to Laura's kids hopefully.

No, just Laura, I think me.

I think you know.

On the ground of you were going to do with shoes on or off?

You're still got to pumps today, so maybe take them off.

Doesn't wear shoes get on the floor, No, I mean I might have. I'll take them off. I'll stand on you with my dirty feet.

He's laid down and legs no crunch your legs up, please, So they're in like a triangle.

My back just got realigned. All right, Laura, were going to do this, but I will give it my best. Here's a bit of weight on the table.

So you're not.

So you're gonna sing.

Then Laura's going to stand on your tummy.

Where there is ready. But you know you have to. I'm going to fall through. There is a burns.

My brain is leaking. Keep going. No, you gotta get up.

Okay, it doesn't work. Doesn't work.

Pinks in an get off. He's gone right in the face. He looks like he's about.

To pop a you're gonna be okay, I'm down here for a while.

Well, look something I'm going to tell you guys. My daughter Molly May she started picking a nose. Now you would think it's not a big deal for a four year old, but it has cost me.

A lot of money.

That's next on the pick up. So my daughter Molly May, she's four and a half years old. Now she has started doing something in a sleep which is causing us a bit of problems.

Is she's still sleeping under your bed?

No, she's still sleeping in our bed.

We've tried to move her from co sleeping with us, but she's not having a bar of it. So we try every night to move her back to her bed. She gets back in our bed. She's very attached and actually to be honest, I kind of do secretly love it. But she sleeps in our bed. But she is going through this weird stage and age of nose picking, right. I think four year old kids usually had their fingers up their nose ninety percent of the time. But the thing is, Molly's taking it one step further. She picks

I'm trying to do it now. It's thanks quite comfor to do it. It would go in through b I've.

Already tried it. It would going to brain.

I would love everybody in their cars right now to stick their thumb in their mouth and their finger up their nose.

My ring is too long. She must have a baby. So yeah, she's got small hands.

No, she doesn't have small hands, because her nose is proportionate size to her fingers. She shoves her fingers so far up there that in the night, whilst it's in there and she's digging around, she started to give herself nosebleeds.

Oh.

Now, she's done this almost every night for the like the last week.

It's consecutive, and the nosebleeds are getting worse because I'm I feel like she's probably doing something upper nose while she's she's my brain, she's messed up with sinuses. Anyway, So the first night she did it, and then she got blood all over the mattress protector.

So we took the mattress protector off and put it in the water. At night.

Oh yeah, like she's doing it night.

She's waking up and the poor thing is covered like face is covered in blood, shirt is covered in blood, the sheets are covered in blood, and she sleeps right through it. Anyway, she woke up one night, she gone through the mattress protectors, who put in the wash. The next night she did it again. Now, anyone who sleeps with their kid in the bed knows that kids don't sleep with their head on a pillow. They motor around a bed, right. They are like a one stage. They

Like, oh, the poor Darland.

She was so upset.

The blood was everywhere, and like you guys know, mattresses are so expensive. So I was like, Okay, I'll find someone online who can come and clean the mattress because there was no amount of towels or me trying to soak it out that was going to get it out of this mattress. So I called this emergency mattress cleaner company and I was like, I'm so sorry my daughter's had a blood nose on the bed and I need you to come and clean it.

What will be the charge?

I didn't even know there was an emergency mattress cleaning They do, and they do they use like a vacuum wash thing, so like they can wash and suck at the same time, so they're not just like saturating a mattress.

Anyway, the guy was like, don't worry, don't worry. You know, we've seen it all. It'll be one hundred and eighty dollars for a nosebleed. I was like, oh, that's fine, emergency clean, come on down. So he comes in two o'clock. Now it wasn't the guy that I spoke to on.

The phone all the details. It was someone else.

Bond.

No. He walks in and I've stripped the bed and he walks into the bedroom and he sees it, this big bloody stain on the bed and then his face drops and he goes, oh, no, no, no, And I was like, sorry, what and he's like, oh no, and he gets really awkward, and then he said, you said it was a bloody nose. And I was like, yeah, it is. It is a bloody nose, and he goes, no, it's not. And then I realized he thought I had got my period and that I had asked him to come and.

Another kind of blood in the middle of the bed.

I explained to him that it wasn't and that it was my daughter's nosebleed, and he said, I'm sorry, but I'm gonna have to charge you extra. He charged us two hundred and eighty dollars because he didn't believe that it wasn't.

The other kind of blood. And I was like how dare you discriminate?

That's discrimination.

He put a period tax.

There was a real pink tax on that one, that's for sure. Yes, he put a period tax and then to pay it.

And he disgusted.

I am a staunch feminist. Give me his number, no.

Because that to me, No, No, it wouldn't have.

But to be fair, it would be very odd if you got your period on a mattress.

Good call that pisces me off.

No, in his defense, it's pretty rank.

If you had to go clean a stranger's period like that is pretty rare.

Believe women, Laura's not lying.

I wasn't lying, like, I wasn't trying to gaslight the poor cleaner guy into cleaning it up for me, Like, and I think you're lying.

But if it was and.

He thought it was, if he truly believe that, I don't think you should put more on it.

But it's pretty great.

He did absolutely think it was, and he did not believe me, and it cost me an extra hundred dollars.

And then it was the awkward.

Thing because he was in my house arguing with me about the blood on the mattress, and all I wanted was for him to clean it but I wanted it for the good price of one hundred and eighty dollars.

Two and eighty. I would have thought twice about it.

I'll speaking of blood and birth. The date that I had on the weekend was ruined by the two of you. The potential love of my life has been snatched out of my arms. And it is all because of you, Brit and you Laura. And I'm going to tell the nation you can you can rule your iron fist. Did the girls ruin my love life?

No?

Yeah, after what you two didn't put me through on the weekend, so full of it hot.

I did to gather my thoughts all two about next to the bring ALP.

So I need to see a therapist. One, but I need to see if the country sides with me in this in this issue because Britt and Laura, you two are my closest friends. We love you, I adore you. Two things that are big context things here. One, I'm currently single. Two we're currently on a national tour. So we're touring with your podcast Life n Cut. We're going from city to city around Australia doing live shows. I'm the opening act. It's very fun. We're enjoying it now.

It was kind of aggressive because we were there for one night and we got in in the afternoon and you left first thing in the morning.

So the fact that you thought you might be able to squeeze a man in there was very very I wouldn't have said that careful.

I mean, mystic put it that way.

Expressive medium. I thought I could fit in a date while I'm in town. I got it wrong. I tried to book in for drinks with this guy who's gorgeous, is very attractive, and I'm like, this is someone that I love to go on a date with. He messaged me, he said, can we get drinks? I said, I'm performing at the Palais Theater. I don't think we can fit it in. He said, could you get me a ticket?

Oh yeah, the one way medium. He can't talk back to me, but I.

Thought, you know what, it's a Well, it wasn't a date. It was a flex, is what it was.

You were like, Hey, come and watch me at my stand up show, and then you're like, oh, also, these other girls are going to be there.

It's kind of like a you know, Brittain, you would do it too, flex the same way. He's not going to judge you for that.

I tell my two best friends in this whole world, Brittain Laura, you too. Before we go on stage, this guy's in the audience.

We have a cute, little ah girlfriend moment.

We go on and do the show, and then, midway through a sold out show, Brittain Laura, why don't you tell everyone what happened?

Well, you come up on stage for a bit of audience participation, and since we were talking to the audience and you were also on stage, we thought it would be the perfect time to say hello to your date.

Is this your idea, Brett, I feel like this is a Brittany Hockley cookup.

Well, yeah, but I thought it would go down well. I thought he'd feel included. It was the only connection you two were going to have the entire night. Sceness though you asked him to a date where you couldn't actually talk to him and you were performing on the stage and he was in the.

Very back nose bleed section. It was yeah, so yeah, it was my idea.

Yeah, well, yeah, it was your idea, brit to do it off the back of a moment where I was showing some different sexual positions on the stage. I was acting out some interesting, precarious positions, and that's when your husband, Mattie Jay Laura points out that my date is watching in the audience.

That's what he wants. Matt and I were intertwined.

Matt was going, do you think this is what your date once he's watching live?

I was mortified you hated it, But to be fair, I thought that you would at least have a little chuckle because I thought you would assume that we would do this like this shouldn't have come as too much of a surprise. But you were very unhappy on stage and it was palpable.

I was stressed out.

And you know what, Britta Laura, you didn't even ask me how it went. He snubbed me that night.

Stop it.

Yeah, I meant. I messaged him after and said, hey, do you want to get a drink. He said, Oh, I'm just going for drinks with friends. Sorry, Also, my phone's on one percent.

No, he didn't because he was having a drink with me.

He's gay.

Yeah, I'm just trying to do like a burn.

Didn't work, so.

He goes you after that. Oh you know that's not an as, that's no. We're talking. We're talking.

But I don't think what you guys have done helped me anyway.

You knew the contents of the show before you invited him, Like what you were going to do on stage didn't change because he was there.

Why don't you get out there on the list of my net worth or beautiful traits that I had not get me up there and embarrass me in front of the potential time.

Trying to shine and show your maneuvers in the bedroom. No, that's not where I shine. You know me, Well, it's not. It doesn't come naturally to me.

Okay, So are you going to see him again? Or are you not speaking anymore?

I've sent in twelve messages today, so I'm not sure. Maybe that's the problem. I don't think it's going to happen. I'm going in a bit hot. No, I don't I'm not going to see him again. No, thanks to you.

All Right, let's go home.

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