Laura, come on, how guy Hay Thursday everybody, Laura, what have you done?
Britt Mitch? Yeah, I have a question for you. I love to do my research. I love statistics. I love a study.
Yes, you're always reading, but I am wondering where you love to read. I do love to get knowledge is power. I have come across an alarming statistic. I am wondering why Australia is spending their money on this sort of research. But alas, that's not my problem. Eight in ten Aussies have admitted to what finished that sentence.
Too?
Don't overthink it.
I don't know roll. Yeah, I admit that.
That's ten out of ten. No, eight and ten Osies have admitted to shoplifting.
Oh that was my next thought. Yeah, we Ozzie's love to steal.
That's so bad.
That is very high.
I mean I wonder how I wonder how bad the shoplifting is, Like are you scanning an extra tomato when you're going through the checkout or is it like you're actually putting, you know, something that's a significant value into your bag.
I also wonder, like what the age bracket was. I don't have the details here, so it's top line. But I would have had to have said yes to this. I would have said yes. So I have been a shoplifter when I was five, I really I wasn't allowed to have chewing gum and bubble gum and all my friends had Hubba Bubba the meat along Hubba bubba you know those, and I was allowed to. So I just took one from a supermarket with mum, and then Mum saw me eating it and made me take it back.
But officially I'm a shoplift.
You would have to look at you.
Honestly, I have never ever ever shoplift anything. But that was because I got into so much trouble for nicking some stickers when I was a really little kid at school that.
It has scley. Oh you did you still stickers?
Okay, Now I don't steal, but I still from work. I still from the office all the time.
I would just I wish you could see what Mitch brings to work. I mean, Mitch comes to work with a backpack that looks like a garbage bag, and he literally just he'll put full cartons.
Of almond milk in here. What I see here, Mitch?
Have you know that that's all worked into my contract and I can get it printed for you our bonuses that I've negotiated hard for. Okay, all right, let's do the show. We've got an ask gun Cut coming up. You guys do it on the Life un Cut podcast, but we do it every Thursday on the Pickup, and.
We have a very big question about workplace friendships, which we all know can get sometimes.
A little bit messy.
You directing that at us, LAUA, No, I love you, Okay, love your coming up.
Coming up on the pickup, Ask Uncut.
So ask gun Cut.
It's something we do on our podcast Life on Cut every week. It's where you you're calling with your deep you're dark, your biggest problems, and we do our absolute best to answer them, even if we have zero experience.
Yeah, we trys enthusiastic.
And we have the very lovely grace that's called in with the bit of a friendship workplace conundrum.
What's happening, Grace?
I have been at work this workplace for about year and a half and got really good friends with this girl and hung out outside of work, you know, go to concerts, But at work she pretends that she doesn't.
Know me, so weird. What do you mean, like doesn't even acknowledge you.
Doesn't acknowledge me. And every time, you know, she has to reintroduce herself in front of people.
Oh my god.
And what you've spent time with it, You've socialized outside of work as friends.
Oh all the time.
So Grace, have you ever said to her like what's going on? Or has she is?
Do you do you have a feeling that there's a reason why she's doing this?
Well, I've asked her before it, but she doesn't even acknowledge the question. She moves on and talked about something else.
I mean, she's I'm gonna call it here, But she's not a friend, Grace.
That's not someone you want in your life, no way.
That's someone that wants to be with you when it suits them for whatever reason. It's like in a relationship, like friendships or relationships, you don't want to be with someone that's embarrassed by you or doesn't want people to know your friends, Like there it's CRA's It's a strange thing.
Also, like Grace, has she I mean, when you're with her and you're hanging out outside of work, is she like very engaged in your life? Like do you hang out one on one or is it usually in friendship groups?
Like?
How is that dynamic when you're not at work?
Perfect, it's like we're best friends. It's one on one. She's intrigued with the conversation, but it's almost she's twisted at work.
Well, so hold on, what's what's the workplace dynamic? Is she above you? Are you under her?
We work in different departments.
Do you know what I would do? I know you've already asked her, and she ignores the fact.
Next time you're around a bunch of people, there's lots of work colleagues around, I would say, like I would yell out something like, oh hey, Rachel, you left you're winning the pooper charms at my house last night, but I'll drop them off tonight after work.
How that gastro from last night's Indian we had together? And cause I've got some gastro stuff.
Yeah, you know how you ask me for that cream to clear up rash? No, but I wouldn't make it.
I would make a point of letting everyone know, because what she going to do then she can't be like, what are you talking about?
I don't know? You like, just let everyone know? Just okay?
After last you left that at my house last night, whatever, and then see what happens. But at the end of the day, I don't think it sounds to me like it's not a friendship worth pursuing. If someone feels like they want to pretend they don't know you in front of other people, that's not a friendship.
It makes no sense.
The only thing that I come back to you, British like what you said like, is she is she embarrassed? And if she feels embarrassed, like there's more stuff that she has to work on them What you're doing wrong?
Grace?
Like totally, I would be absolutely reconsidering my friendship groups at work.
Yeah, like I embarrassed brittin Laura, but I think him, Yeah, hope that helps Grace.
I'm sorry, that's just awful.
Todays for the help.
Guys, you want to get in touch youging dms at the pickup or the pickup dot com dot au if you've.
Got a question, well look coming up.
I mean, we all know that there are a lot of women deal with body issues and feelings of body insecurity or there's been some new research that's come out that talks about just how mums might be affecting their kids and also contribut to it.
All Right, that's next here on the pickup.
Now, this is a conversation I feel is going to relate to a lot of the women who are listening. I would go so far as to say that most women growing up have at some point in their life had feelings of you know, complicated.
Feelings about their own body image.
And I mean whether that's that you've had negative connotations around being having weight on you, whether you've felt like you were beautiful enough or skinny enough, all of those feelings, and it's because society tells you that there's one version of being a woman that is the most desirable. Now, there's been a new research study that's come out and it's come out of the South Australia's Flinder's University, and
it's all around body image. But the thing that they're really honed in on here is how instrumental and how impactful our mothers can be in the way that they speak about their own body image, in the way that
what they call and deemed fat talk. And it's that moment where your mum might say something like, oh, you know, I shouldn't wear those pants like my stomach doesn't look good in this and how those sorts of criticisms that we can do as mothers have this long lasting impact on our children and the way in which they grow up to view their own bodies.
I think a lot of that.
I mean, I'm being nitpicky here, but of course there's going to be instrumental in the way you grew up as a young woman because you're direct day to day contacted your mum. But it would be crazy to say that it's not also a generational thing, especially for our generation. Laura, the heroine sheikh look that was really popular, the things that we saw all over the magazines that definitely attributed to it too.
Yeah, But I think the thing that's so interesting about this is, like we all it's been well spoken about the cultural impacts of what that's had on body image. It's been well documented that it permeated magazines that it's been part of, like the social conversation that I don't think that there's been many conversations surrounding the impacts that
our mums have and how early that can start. And this is not about mum shaming, because like we've I mean, even a mum myself I've experienced it with my daughter Marley around makeup. So Marley's four and she will see me putting on makeup and then she'll say, well, Mummy, why do you need makeup? And I can't wear it? And I'm like, oh, because mummy needs it and you don't. So then what's that subliminal message saying to her that Mummy's not beautiful without it, that I need to have
it because I'm not beautiful but she is. It's these small subtle ways in which we can have digs at ourself and in the way that we view ourselves. They can actually impact how our kids grow up to view their self confidence and how they view their own bodies without even intentionally realizing what we're doing.
Well, Laurie, you've got two kids.
There things that your mom said to you growing up that you thought you're actively not going to say to your girls.
No, my mom herself, she I grew up. My mum was very, very, very slim my whole life. I never remember my mum having any weight issues. But I do remember my mom not eating a lot like I don't, as in like she would have very small meals. She was always on the go. She was and that's probably being on the go because she had three kids and she was a single mum. But yeah, I mean I grew up definitely feeling having concerns around weight and thinking that to be more beautiful, I needed to be slim.
And it was definitely when I was older. There was throwaway comments of like when I went to UNI and I put on a few kilos, there was a few comments of like, oh, you're sure you're not pregnant, You've put on some weight, Like that's not I think that like a lot of people have expected like sure, mom, I've got it. No, Mum, I've just found beer and I'm at the UNI bar. But like, it definitely was never meant to be hurtful, and my mum is such
an incredible mum. I in no way would want her to hear that and think that she damaged me in any way. But I do think that sometimes as parents we don't necessarily consider the impact that those small comments can have and how that can affect our kids.
Look, and I want to pin it all on the mothers, and like we just said before, we're on a mum shame. And I think back to my childhood, my mom was really great, Like I didn't hear her talk badly about herself. If she did it, it was her internal monologue. So
so my role model was really positive. But what's interesting about that, and the reason I say we shouldn't be blaming all the mums, is because even though I had this safe, positive environment, I still grow up and sometimes I have to check myself with how I talk about myself.
Sometimes it's just to myself. I'm not talking about to anyone else.
Maybe it's just maybe you look in the mirror and you're having an off day and you feel you feel bad or you feel quote unquote gross, and you say you say something that's not so nice about yourself.
And I think that's when you have to check yourself and say, hang on, would.
I ever say that to you, Laura, Like, would I ever say you look gross today?
You would never. Would you say it to your daughter? You would never.
So I think you have to ask yourself, if I'm not going to say that to someone else, why should I be saying.
It to myself?
Yeah, And I totally agree, Britt, And I think it comes back to this idea that like people are never going to escape it, like we said it permeates so much of culture, like it permeates so much of the discourse online.
But the place that it doesn't need to be is in your own home.
I think it should be a haven for kids where they don't feel subjected to it and they don't need to see it play out in their parents.
Can I just add Laura, also, a lot of it isn't actually about your size or your weight. I've just lost forty kilos. I had those thoughts before, and I still have those thoughts, and I'm forty kilo. I'm the fittest I've ever been. So it's education and it's the way you talk to yourself. I think very important, Britt.
And I think often you know what, I guess, we can speak so negatively about ourselves, Like the things that we would say about ourselves we may never ever ever say to our children, right, we would never say it to our friends, we would never say it to people that we care about. But sometimes we can be our own harshest critics, and then our kids can see that
and then they internalize it. And I guess trying to really be conscious around exactly like you said, Mitch, like using language that makes them not question the things that might grow and to becoming insecurities in them as well.
Yeah, food for thought, isn't it? Definitely?
Well, Mitch, what's this dating story you've been dying to tell.
I'm back on the dating scene, and I went on a date on the weekend, and I had the shock of my life when I thought the date was just between me and this guy. The whole room got involved with the discourse between our relationship. I'll tell you all about it next you're at the pickup Britt Laurie. You know I'm on the dating scene. I'm back on the apps. I'm single.
Yeah, we haven't some successes too, my little Mitch jury.
We're all living vicariously three now because Laura and I have settled down.
There's this guy that I'm currently seeing. He's gorgeous, he's very sweet. Just a couple of dates, like five or six dates. So it's at that point where it's like, we've got to make a choice. What way do we go. We're gonna end this or we're gonna have a chat about what's next. Anyway, the only issue I can see between the two of us is that it's very cute, very nice. We get along good banter, I'm twenty eight, he's twenty one.
He's so young, and I know is look, I know, seven years isn't that big of an age gap. I just think twenty one year olds and this is a very blanket statement, But they don't always want the things that a twenty eight year old wants. There's a lot of life that happens in your twenties, which I think is a really important part of life.
Yeah, I wanted to drive to the date, and he wanted to get the train because he don't have a car. Anyway, we go to this restaurant. It's really nice. It's a cocktail bar, and we're there, we're ordering, and the banter is kind of about the age gap between the two of us, because he thinks it's funny.
I think it's I think it's a bit annoying that he keeps bringing it up.
So I lean over to this couple next to us, who are on another spa stool at this cocktail bar, is playing It's an underground Den, and I go, you know what, I'm gonna nick this in the butt once and for all. So I turned to this young couple, probably a little bit older than me, in their thirties.
Excuse me, guys, sorry, and I'm got a bit of liquid courage.
I go, look at the two of us, look at the two of us, and you tell me who do you think is old?
And they go you. I didn't even finish the sentence. And who do you think is older? But that you with a brown hair?
I have seen the person you're dating. Yeah, and I feel like that you're setting yourself.
Up to fight, So okay, shut up. The bartender comes around. Can I get your boys any more drinks? I go, yes, you can, and can you tell me who between the two of us is? Oh?
Actually taps you on the shoulder. It's like this one right here. Absolutely you. I'm like, okay, man at the back.
When your two children come over here, kids, Hi, kids, Hi, Who out.
Of the two of us is an older human? They all point the.
Big one, big one.
This shocking to you, Mitch.
Maybe you have some body dysmorphia where you think you look younger than you do.
How dare you?
Well?
I mean, you don't look like a twenty eight year old, Mitch. You don't look like a twenty one.
Now, and so what was the purpose of this on the spot spontaneous survey of the room, interrupting everyone's lovely night out.
It was purely to make me feel better about the age gap not being an issue, because in my mind, I don't think it is that big of an issue, but apparently everyone thinks it is anything.
What's funny you say that because I actually recently came across a study A little bit of it read I love some science. No, Mitch, I'm sorry to be the one to tell you. Just remind me what's sage different?
Sevens and you years? Okay?
Eight years?
Well, all right, even worse than thought.
There's a study that experts have done and there is a correlation between age gaps in a relationship and how likely the relationship is to break up.
Okay, A long story short.
The bigger the age gap, the more likely you are for that relationship to not work.
Now, if we go into your category of what's so fun? Have your category of.
Seen you no five years difference? So five years and above? Since your category is an added eighteen percent on top of the normal breakup, to what odds you are of breaking up?
Dear?
Really, e fifteen works, doesn't it? Eighteen percent more likely?
I don't believe, so tap out. Now, I don't believe. I don't believe it, do you know?
I just think age gaps matter more the younger you are, So like, if you're a teenager and there's an eight year age gap, that is illegal. If you are in your twenties and there's an eight year age gap, then that just becomes a bit tricky because there's so much life to live.
If you're in your thirties and there's an eight not that.
Bad sixties, no one cares sixty one sixty nine year old.
You can date all day long. No one cares the age gap. I mean, like, I'm giving you a hard time, Midge.
But the age gap for my last relationship was seven years and I was seven years older, so like hell Scandalo Bran, but the difference was twenty seven to whatever that is thirty five. Also, the other difference is people is that you often lie about.
Your age, so no one knew anyway. Yeah, he thought I was twenty eight.
But do you know what, Mitch, that was okay because he's frontal lob developed, so twenty one very funny, and he had a bit of life experience and he drove, so twenty one no being all serious, as there are studies to say that you are still working out who you are.