FULL SHOW: What you didn't know about Post-Natal Depression

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Good pickup with Britt Hockley and Laura Ben Radio work our windows down.

That's my world, Rison the dust only good fabs all down. I've done much now, but yeah I'm not. I'll big get and what a lot. It don't matter where.

This is the pickup, Hi, guys, it's the pickup with Britt Harkley and Laura Burn.

I don't know if this has ever happened to you, Laura.

I know we've spoken about it maybe once in relation to garlic. But I have like this new discovery the last probably two years.

But I've only just been the last two weeks really realized it's something. What's going on. I cannot eat a mint without sneezing. That is so weirdly specific because I'm I'm allergic to it, but nothing else happens. I'm not allergic.

Like all I do is sneeze every time within one minute of in a MINTI my mouth. I sneeze also happens with like listerine, like anything that is minty that goes in my mouth, I have a sneezing attack after it.

Is that weird?

Yeah, Chewinger know if it's weird, just look into the light and have a sneeze.

Nothing like a good sneeze.

But it's analogy thing that's formed later in life. Why do they come out of nowhere?

I really don't know.

But the one person who does the most impressive sneezes in this race is Produce a grace. No one has ever heard anyone sneeze like produce a grace.

I hate sneezing. Actually say I love to sneeze, but that's not true.

It's because you do seventeen of them in a row. I don't need to try and record you next time, just to play it out. It's almost like an unbelievable feat. It is, but it takes years off my life.

Every time I do it, I swear, and every time I'm driving, that's the last time I'm driving.

Because you can't sneeze with your eyes open.

I think it's actually physiologically impossible just sneeze with your eyes open. I remember, I'm trying really hard when there's seventeen in a row, when you're on the highway.

I remember when I went for my driving my learner's lesson and I sneezed twice, and the guy in the seat next to me, who was doing the testing, he made a joke that if I sneezed again and I had to keep closing my eyes, he'd.

Have to fail me. And I was like, I think he was joking. I think he was joking. But you can't.

Yeah, you're right, you can't try and sneeze with your eyes open. It's a real, real experience. Now, being that it is Thursday, we have asked on cut, where you guys call up. We answer your deepest, darkest burning questions and we do our absolute best to answer them. Now, we've never had a question quite like this one. We've got Gabrielle on the line and she has just found out very recently that her husband has been cheating on her or having an affair.

Gabrielle, welcome to the show. Hello, what's been going on?

How long have you been with your husband? And how long have you found out he's cheating on you?

Okay, so we've been together relationship for twenty nine years, wow, married three years, two kids, and apparently he has been having an affair for five years.

How did you do you find that out?

Well, long story short. Normally, his phone has been attached to him consistently. He happened to leave it in the kitchen one night and I heard a ding go off, so naturally I just picked it up, thinking nothing of it, went to hand it to him, and obviously discovered a lovely naked woman on his phone.

Oh my god, Gabrielle, So is it been a five year affair with the same woman?

Yes? Wow? How long ago did you find out all this information?

Probably about four months ago.

So you're still probably really in the thick of all of it. Have you made any decisions? Are you wanting to stay? Are you unsure? Like what is happening for you?

Well, we are still living together, obviously. He claimed that they haven't actually been intimate together, which is my burning question. And do I believe that? No, And each morning I wake up, I guess and I go, oh, I'd love to talk to her. Also, is that the other question? I really have this craving.

To talk to this woman, which is nautral strange.

No, that's not I don't think that's strange at all.

Like this is someone that has infiltrated your life directly and indirectly for five years.

I mean Look, there are people who definitely have come back from infidelity in relationships, but only if their partner is really truthful and forthcoming about it all. Like if you if you are actually feeling like, Okay, I know I've got the information.

Now we can go to therapy together. Things have changed.

Like if there's no action in changing anything, then you're just and you're left with so many unanswered questions. And also when you are seeking answers to those questions, if you're being shut down or you're not getting closure or any of this, like you can't heal because you're expected to just believe what's being told to you from the person who's been lying to you for five years about something correct.

So is he still talking to her? Has he blocked her? Like? How is where are things at now?

Well, apparently it's all been blocked. We haven't heard from her obviously. I think that the wall that blocks me now is he does still get quite defensive if you go to ask a question or talk about it and sort of says you should not be over it, but kind of be over it.

If that may No, that is rubbing, and.

I'm thinking the time frame for me is my biggest thing it hasn't just been a couple of months. It's actually been five years, and you know we're being married, I've had a baby.

He was doing this at the same time that you were getting married, that you were walking down the aisle, or that you were choosing to have a baby together.

But also, he doesn't get to do this to you and then tell you to get over it and move on like sorry, that's not how this works. He either has to be open and it's this goes now how you want it to go. If you want access to his phone and he wants to save the relationship, he gives it to you. If you want to contact her and ask her if you want to know anything about that situation. He has to be willing to be completely

Yeah, look I agree with this woman. Yeah, with children and thinking that life soul.

Yeah, I think I just thought it.

Yeah, I think you're totally in your right if you want to to reach out to this other woman to find out more of the truth, if you think that you might get more of the truth from her and that might give you some sort of lidity enclosure.

You are absolutely in your right to do that, and I also.

Don't think that you're breaching anything in the relationship by doing so, because at the moment, it sounds like one of the big things that you can't get your head around is whether you're being lied to as to whether or not something physical happened or didn't happen, or whether it was just text messages.

You are not alone.

I think anyone who's in their car is listening to this right now would absolutely be saying, Okay, if that messaging has been going on back and forth, nude messages for five years, it's probably unlikely that nothing more happened. But you know what, even if nothing more did happen, that's still such a huge infidelity that's happened in your relationship for five years that you're allowed to navigate this how is best for you.

I think it's been eating at me and I'm like, should I shouldn't I because.

I think I would call guys in this situation, what would you do, Britt? I mean, I have been in that situation.

I'm not married with kids, but you know, I was with someone for six years that I found had a double life. And I did contact her and we spoke for hours and I got all the information. The difference was she didn't know I existed either, so we were both sort of in silos.

So this woman might not want to talk to you.

I think if you're going to go down that track, I would take a really gentle approach with her and just say, look, I just want to know. I'm not going to have a go at you. There's nothing that's going to happen. I just want the information.

Like, no, what's done is done at the end of the day. Yeah, it's still eat at me.

Is he really been?

Like, yeah, he's got a lot to lose, Gabrielle.

If you do speak to her, though, please give us a call and let us know what happens, because honestly, if I was in your situation, I would be calling.

That's where I would be at. And you don't even need to tell your husband you're calling. To be honest, just just do it. Just do it.

Ye, I definitely wouldn't devolve information.

That's yeah, Please let us know how it goes.

Thank you very much.

We're so sorry you're in this situation.

Have you ever done your DNA test like an ancestry test or I actually.

Haven't, but I've never felt the need to. Are you just a bit.

Curious about like I don't know your family tree?

And like what it is? What's your DNA maker? I mean if you are questioning where I'm from.

Yeah, if you have questions about me, I can definitely go and get it done.

Don't belong to my parents? No, I this going. Do you know something I don't pretty need? This is your life?

No?

I find it really fascinating.

And so my husband and I we actually did DNA tests together recently, ancestry DNA tests, and we got an email saying that their results were inconclusive, so we weren't able to get our results back. And I don't know, but I'm gonna do it again because I made these big jokes to Matt and I was like, what if like they found out something, because when you do it, you have to submit like.

This is my dad, this is my mom, this, and you submit.

As much as your family tree as you possibly can. And I was like, what if the reason why they kept it is because they found out something they don't want us to know about it, like maybe your dad's not your dad.

They don't want to blow up your life. Maybe my uncle's not my uncle. I don't know, but like, look, I think they'd tell you if your uncle of your uncle's that's not that impactful. Well, I don't know, I think it is.

Anyway, this article that came out, so a woman kind of she went and did all the different DNA tests. There's a couple that are really big ones in Australia, ones my heritage obviously ancestry DNA, which I think most people know of. And then there's also another one which is kind of like the Crem Delachreme of DNA tests called twenty three.

And me, hasn't that just gone into what's it called receivership?

Yeah, maybe you know more about it than I. You're like the Krem de la Crem. I'm like, it just went down and go go.

Do you know why they say it's the Krem dela crem purely because it's the most expensive. It's meant to be the most thorough. But in the experience of this woman, it absolutely wasn't the case. But one thing she did find out plot twist. She found out that her childhood crush, who she had been obsessed with and in love with, for the majority of her adolescents turned out to be her cousin. Imagine if you found out not when you know,

There was a couple that found out in America. She did the DNA test. She found out that her husband or fiance was a direct relation to her and she was going to bury that information.

Did she tell him I can't remember, I'm on the.

Edge of my seat, Producier Grace Park to look it up.

Okay, So there was a couple who discovered, after ten years of marriage and having three children, that they were cousins.

Yeah, and they found out viral D.

You just stay if you're being married and you've got kids, it's goorn too far.

You're in two D. You've already done all that.

You're in white LOADUS territory, just staying there. Look, I mean we opened up the text line and also I did a call out on my Instagram for this. You would be shocked by how many people discovered really salacious

They were all having a rumble behind the shed. No, they weren't just her, just the grandma. The kids absolutely were not rumbling. They were they all weren't. But they were wow. Good on her.

People who found out that their biological dad just wasn't like their dad, wasn't their dad.

Loads of those came in.

That would be a really sad discovery imagining thirty years old and finding out that your dad's not actually.

Your biological dad. No, that that is gut wrenching, and your mum did the dirty all those there.

Another girl wrote, my sister found out that she has a different dad. There's a lot of dads out here that are finding out that they either have kids that they didn't know they had, or that they're not the father to the kids they thought they did have.

I just think let dead dogs lie. What that's the saying, isn't it.

This is why I would worry about going and doing a test, Not that I think anything would come of it, but I'm happy with my life.

I don't need the disruption.

If it came out then my dad wasn't my dad, which he definitely is.

Hang On, I don't want to stick go anywhere. My dad is my dad.

I don't have any queries, but I'm just saying, sometimes I think ignorance is bliss.

How's this one?

This girl found out that Ivan Malatt is her dad's second cousin. See you know that's that's a skeleton in a wardrobe and a closet.

You don't need to know about it. You're related to a psychopath. What are you gonna do with that information? Anyway? We've got a caller on the line, Rosie. What did you find out from your ancestry DNA.

Hiber Yeah, it wasn't myself directly, but it was a family member. It was probably in her late fifties at the time, who'd been doing the whole ancestry journey for a long amount of time with her sister and her dad wasn't her real dad, and it was actually the next door neighbor when she was growing up.

Does linking to the neighbor though, how did she get there?

I think maybe that family had also been doing kind of their own journey, so there was already DNA kind of in the system that was able to be linked. Yeah, a bit of a shock.

So did his neighbor. What's the outcome here? Did the neighbor take her on? As like the dad?

So look, I'm not sure if he was actually alive, but I do know that she's now in touch with the children that he did have, So she has kind of got other siblings out of there, and she's in very much the same mindset as she said for it, Like you know, my great grandfather was her dad, that's.

Who raised her.

So that's still kind of her opinion. But kind of good story is which has yeah, kind of got some more family members out of it.

So that's nice, all right, you sold me, I'll go do one. I want to do one because I'm frightened to what I might find out.

To be honest, you need to do one because you've done it and it came back inconclusive.

So either they're saying that you're.

One of those avatars and your DNA doesn't match the humans or something is a myth, So we need to get to the bottom of that.

That is not a story arc that I want to unpack on radio.

That you're an avatar, that you're not related to your parents.

It's not a surprise to anyone about when we speak about postnatal depression and how it affects women who are going through that.

Incredibly just full on.

Time after having a baby, that postnatal time, your hormones are all over the place, the lack of sleep, the transitioning in motherhood, like there are so many changes, and the study suggests that one in seven women in Australia will actually suffer from postnatal depression after having a baby.

I think there reason we don't necessarily associate men as much with post natal depression is because a huge part of the postnatal depression is linked to the hormones and we're like, oh, cool, Well, the men's bodies haven't changed, and they haven't been flooded with the hormones, and they haven't just gone through a traumatic birth, and they aren't trying to physically keep it alive with the breast, So

The flood of love is how it's described.

But yeah, and I also think, I mean something that is very relevant, and I guess a good dad probably doesn't to make it about himself in that environment. I think it would be pretty misled for a man to

Yeah, and just so you know, something to keep your eye on.

Clinical psychologist Julie Bornikoff has said some of the warning signs include like self isolating, sleeping too much or not resting when the baby sleeps, poor eating habits, of course, things like increased alcohol and drug use, and maybe just some statements from your partner, things like I'm a terrible parent.

You know, I'm not doing a good job.

I don't know what I'm doing there's some of the things just to keep your eye on and just be hyper aware that it's not necessarily just women going through it. You guys needed to be a team and go through the trenches together. Just remember Lifeline is available twenty four to seven on thirteen eleven fourteen

And that is us done today, guys,