Are you ready?
Good pickup with Britt Hogley and Laura ben.
Brady or what our windows down?
My world?
Reason the dust only good?
Bab Doug all down?
I don't much, but yeah I'm our big get and what I want.
It don't matter where does this is the pickup?
Hi?
Guys, it's the pick up with Bret Happily and Laura burn and Happy Valentine's Day, everybody.
Valentine's Day, the day of love. You either love it or you hate it.
I know it really is polarizing, isn't it. You love it if you're in a relationship. Otherwise you're like, oh way, well no, But I.
Think we can flip this on its head. I think you can love it no matter who you are. You just have to redefine what it means. You can have Gallantine's Day with your friends.
You can have dog and Tinne's Day we talked about the other day.
If you're you're me as in a relationship, you don't ever see the person and you just live with your dog, you can have dog Day. There's loads of things you can do, but you also don't need to make it like this big cringey thing like if you don't froth it and you think it is just like a money maker. Use it as a day just to like tell someone you love them. You don't have to go send them like Teddy Bear flowers. You can just lean into the real rule passion.
So don't lean into the commercialization you're saying, lean into the feeling side.
What it's about cute love.
Well, look, considering that it is Valentine's Day, we wanted to make a show that is all about love. And the reason for that is because we have a podcast it's called Life on Cut and our main tagline for that podcast is we.
We love Love. So there's no way that.
We could get away without making today's show completely about love.
And finally the Boss's letters, so we're doing it. But also we wanted.
To highlight exactly like Britz said, all of the different kinds, Like there's people who are in long distance relationships, there's people who are in long term relationships and relationships yeah, and I mean also people who are single who maybe don't have a romantic love in their life but have found the most fulfilling loves is that of their friends
or that of their pets. Like whatever it looks like to you, we want to be able to celebrate that Today's a day for really making the people that you love the most feel incredibly appreciated, and that's what it's all about. Well, speaking of Valentine's Day, and since everything on this show is centered around love, this conversation is going to be for anyone who is in a long term relationship. Maybe you've got kids, maybe you're in the trenches and things just aren't as magical as what once
upon a time they were. I feel like it happens to all long term couples, Like keeping with me. Yeah, well, long distance kind of changes things a little bit, but trying to keep like that long term spark is really really hard. But it's interesting for me because the women that we're about to speak to, Tara Pavlovich. Once upon a time I was in competition with her for the Heart of a Man on a reality TV show, and now I just love watching everything that she puts out in the world on social media.
Tara, Welcome to the show.
Hello, Laura, arguably the fan favorite of whatever season we were of The Bachelor.
Look, guys, the competition's over. You're both married with kids. Let's leave that one in the six year past, but Tyre, it's so cool.
I was like reading your posts on Instagram just saying that, hey, let's normalize couples counseling. You know, we're trying to get our connection back and do all these things and it doesn't have to mean that life is over. What made you start going to therapy and what made you want to speak about it?
Yeah, so I think therapy is something that like everyone can benefit from singly or as a couple. Even if we went because we needed a lot of help Black things were really bad. But then once I went, I was like, wait a minute, I think I want to do this even now things are good because it really does help the connection because they're so trained in helping couples and they know so many ways to get you
both to understand each other a little bit more. So it's just good to go and have a little refresher and kind of understand each other all because in reality, like you're always going to have little issues and you're never going to completely understand each other, like when you're married with kids, it's hard, like stuff changes all the time. You're forever evolved. So it's just about going and having a little refresher and finding that connection again.
Tara, you and Neck have been together for a while now, and obviously you've got two beautiful children, But did you feel that your relationship just completely shifted after having kids.
Oh it's so hard when you have kids. You just don't have that time to connect anymore. And that's what the therapist helped us with because we're broth up, but we don't have time and she's like, no, but you do, and here's how you can have it, you know. So it's hard with kids because they don't even let you speak, like honest, like I'm hiding outside right now, like to speak on the phone, because you know, when Laura you messaged her, I was like, no, I can't talk to you,
like I've got children at me. It's the same here. Literally, if we even look at each other, they're like, no, you do not, Like how dare you we are here?
Like when you talked about wanting to go and see a counselor or do couples counseling with either of you, apprehensive because I think there is still a lot of stigma around it, Like a lot of people interpret that as oh, well, we must be at doomsday when it comes to our relation ship, if you want to go and see a counselor.
I know it is like that, and that's why I'm so open about it because I want people to know that, like, it's not doom and gm. I honestly think that the strongest couples go and seek it because it's like, we will do anything for this to work. When we first saw the counselor, we were like, it was kind of like the last resort type thing. We really needed to go there. But after going, we were like, wait, this is actually like pretty good and so useful.
It's so good Because I am with one of my ex's. We were doing therapy individually and then I said, hey, I think we need to go together and he refused because I think the next step is a couple was something different for him. You know, he could understand going individually, there was still this stigma for the couple's therapy.
He refused to.
Go and now that worked out and he got me.
Yeah, that was my point.
Laura, how are you and Nick now, like after all of this and everything that you guys have weathered with having kids and come back together, Like, how do you feel your relationship is now?
Oh? Definitely after that therapy session, we've been a looser, So it's helped us so much. It was only like a couple of months ago, and it's definitely made such a difference. So I'm going to go again and have another refresher and learn some more little things from her because it's really just helped a lot. Like just having the reminder and the conversation with her was so helpful.
Obviously there's things that we both do every day that were just like, okay that, like that's annoying, goal away, like you're so annoying. But yeah, but you know, I think it's important to remember that that's completely normal. And like what we're seeing on Instagram with couples and everything isn't the whole picture. Like everyone has little bickers every day and you piss each other off and that's normal.
Yeah.
Absolutely a Tara, You're a breath of fresh air. I love watching your Instagram post for anyone who hasn't followed Tara Tara Pavlovich on Instagram, Like you're very relatable with all of your very funny updates around parenting and relationships, and I feel like you just say it as it is, which you always.
Laura appreciate you and my you and my egg.
Well yeah, well, happy Valentine's Day, Tara.
Thank you.
Happy Valentine's Day.
Guys.
I hope it's amazing, Sita, Bye.
It's so nice.
It's such a nice reminder, isn't it. Like your brain is also a muscle. We exercise our like our body and where we do our squats, we want great legs or whatever it is, but we forget that our brain is something that needs to be exercised too, And I think is a really good reminder of like you can't just forget it until it shrivels away and be like, oh yeah, now it's time to.
Try and work it back up.
Well, we are doing a dedicated show today to.
Love because it is Valentine. We love, we love love, but we love all kinds of love.
We didn't want it to be just like romantic relationships because so many people aren't in that situation right now, and that is okay, yeah.
But also because Valentine's Day can be really hard for people who've gone through breakups or who are single, and you know, we put so much emphasis on romantic relationships.
Well, one person that is also in this situation where they are single and they are not in a romantic relationship after a very difficult public split. Is our homegrown Aussie Isla Fisher. So Isla Fisher and Sasha Baron Cohen were together for over twenty years I think almost twenty four years or something, married for about thirteen years. They've got kids, and two years ago they announced that they were going through their breakup.
Well, Isla has just come out and done. She's starting to.
Do like her first interviews where she's talking about single life and getting back into the dating scene, and recently when she was asked if she is dating, she had this really amazing response that I just loved.
She's been in this relationship for twenty years.
You'd think that she'd be wanting to get out there and go for it and meet new people and have some sexy time.
Like, oh my god, I feel the opposite.
I feel like if I was married for twenty years and I got divorced, I wouldn't want to see another man.
Oh I think I'd be the opposite. I think I would want to be like what else is out there? Like I've only known one thing for twenty five years. Oh, I'd not I'd be exhausted. I'd be back out there for sure, but way we're all different.
But she she basically came out and said.
You know, her split was the most difficult thing she's ever been through, and now she just wants to focus on the women in my life that have held me, she said, the female relationships that I have cultivated in our business. Those women have been there for me. I'm actually going to get emotional. I'm only sitting here today
because of them. She goes on to say, I've learned so much about the power of female friendship, and I've just learned that I do have resilience, who I am outside of a partnership and what my values are, and that she wants to focus on these women in her life now and those relationships as opposed to dating and romantic relationships.
I love this, and I also think that this is something and a conversation that needs to be had more because we put so much emphasis on romantic relationships, like we do throughout our whole life.
We kind of hold it up.
As like the beacon of what is the most important relationship that and potentially parenthood or motherhood. But what we don't talk about is friendship as being something that is equally as important because in the instance like this with Eila Fisher, in the instance that your romantic relationship is no longer there for you, who is it that holds you through that?
Who is it that supports you through that?
And you know, we had a we had a really interesting conversation recently about something that radio presenter Tanya Hennessy talked about. She was talking about the catch up trap when it comes to being friends and how we get
to a point in life. And I know it's something I really resonate with where you're no longer making new experiences or really you're not really adding to the richness of your friendships, but you're just going through this constant catchup where you're just updating your friends on your life rather than really like deeply connecting with them. And I think, like, it's so nice to take stock and have a think,
especially on Valentine's Day. Okay, well, what are those other relationships I have in my life that means so much to me and are so important to me? And have I given them time recently and have I told them how much I love them and appreciate them as well?
It's also easy to forget that you need your friends.
Where you've got a partner, it's easy to forget how important those people are.
Usually when we get married, we.
Think it's forever, and we know statistically that that is not true. So what's happening is you're maybe subconsciously even neglecting other people.
In your life. We do it by accident, don't we Yeah, we don't.
It's not intentional at all.
But you know, time is such a valuable commodity, and as adults we don't really have it. As parents, you don't really have it, So you give your time to your family. If that breaks down, a lot of people find themselves with or hang on a minute, where's my people?
Where's my group gone?
Like?
You know, an interesting statistic around this is that our friendship groups. So every seven years on average, our friendship group has so even though you're meeting new people and making new friends, the amount of friends you have continues to reduce. And like, think about it when you're in school, or think about it when you're in Uni, how many friends you had, and then think about, okay, well what was that like ten years later or twenty years later?
And I would say that for the big majority of us, we would look at our lives now and maybe think, Okay, we don't have as many people around us. And I know it's not necessarily about the volume of people. It's about the richness of those friendships. But I really think it's so important to take stock of okay, am I giving those friendships everything that they require to mean that they're going to be with me for the rest of my life.
I think it's a really important one.
And if you do find yourself alone this Valentine's Day, make sure that you are spending it or at least touching base with the people that you love the most. We have been talking about everything to do with love, but it would be remiss of us to talk about how sometimes love doesn't go exactly to plan.
It never goes to plan.
Well, sometimes some people get their happy endings.
And for those of you who are single, you'll be well aware if you're in the dating world that it can absolutely be a cess pool at the exact same time. And one thing that we do on our podcast Life on Cup podcast it's kind of become a namesake of the pod, is that we often get in your most embarrassing, hilarious, like worst dating stories when things just go absolutely not to plan.
I remember going on a lunch date with this guy.
It was supposed to be a sandwich and a smoothie, and I took him to this play in my local suburb.
He didn't know it.
We got there, I went to pay with my bank card and the place was like, oh, sorry, it's cash only and I.
Didn't have cash.
He thought you were being a tight ask yeah, so I said, oh, sorry, do you have cash?
And I don't know why I was paying anyway. He asked me on the date.
He was like, yeah, okay, are you just taking me to places where you don't have to pay? And I was like, this is so in my head, I was like, this is so weird. Bro, it's twenty five bucks. Anyway, he walked me to an ATM and I got a twenty dollar note out from the ATM and had to give it to him to repay him for the sandwich.
That's soba.
Then he tried to kiss me and said we had a connection. Can I see you again?
I can you deal? I can I saw him again? Don't like? Because I can deal?
Because I did a lot of dating before meeting my husband. I reckon I dated three quarters of Sydney. You know when you're on Tinder so aggressively that you're swiping and swiping and it's like there's no one left in your location. I'm like, how have I gone through all of the men? When I was like in the throes of dating, Like, he was a guy who was kind of friends with I didn't even know it was a date. We were going to UNI together and he asked me around and I got to his house and it was like he
had been watching too many teen rom com movies. He walked out and he brought out literal apple pie that he had made.
He's watched American Pie.
Oh yeah, it was American pie, wasn't it? With whipped cream on the apple pie?
Completely?
But as naked And I had zero sexual attraction to this man, Like it was repulsive to me. Anyway, you win some you lousum grace, which is a grace You've got a terrible first date story.
Yeah, back when I was like eighteen or nineteen, I was dating this guy for maybe three or four months. He'd met my family, I'd met his. We were like quite in it, and I was like, I'm going to plan this date. We're going to go to the aquarium just to look at fish. It's going to be lovely. He never turned up and I never heard from him again. You got ghosted at the aquarium, the saddest aquarium trip I've ever been on in my life.
Did you still go through?
I mean, yeah, I'm not an idiot by yourself crying looking at the fish.
All right, Well, we've got some terrible ones from you guys that you've written in and like I said, we do do this on Life on Cut podcast. If you want to go have a listen to more there you can.
Here he goes.
He spent the whole day telling me how good he is at dating and how he's really proficient at Tinder, and that he also applied for maths.
Perfect well done, A plus.
Am I like to say, a sexy one?
Yeah?
Sure. We were on the first date.
It was going really well and I was really attracted to him, so we decided to take it back to his.
House after one pump.
Oh it ended everywhere and he said, I'm so sorry it's not happened.
I think it's because I'm in love with you. We'd been on one date.
This one's also bad. First date guy goes in for the kiss. I pull away.
He says, oh wow, that was awkward, then goes in for a second one.
Okay, I'm a vegetarian. So he took me to KFC. That's terrible.
He obviously was just trying to see he doesn't want a date a vegetarian, and he was trying to see if you would, like, you know, change your ways for him.
This is a common theme that's come through. It took me to a steakhouse. I told him I was a vegetarian, Like, why are men doing that?
Maybe they didn't they send very well, didn't read the text and they know what vegetarian is.
But I think they do. I think they just don't care. Wait, what about this?
He had a nosebleed while we were making out, and the entire thing just went straight into my mouth.
Okay, what about this one that came in from one of our own Lifelunge cutters one time. One of our life is that's our podcast Lifeline cut So she was on this day. It was a beautiful coast walk and they were stopped on a cliff and looking over at the water and they're having this really romantic moment and they went in for like a smooch. There was like some dirt falling on them and they were like, oh, there's some dirt falling off the cliff, like what's happening.
And they looked up up on the top of the cliff. Someone was spreading ashes.
They were covered in cremation in Nana and Papa Nana was right there.
Terrible, terrible.
Person.
Anyway, guys, that's it from us. We've got to go