FULL SHOW! Laura’s daughter is going through a public pooing phase

Laura and come.

On, holla everyone, We're on Hello Me Tuesday, Lauren and Mitch.

How are we feeling?

Oh?

Feeling very good except for the fact.

Okay, so my husband Matt and I we both had the night away from our kids. So we got home yesterday and let me tell you, my kids seemed to not care at all that we were gone, and I actually think that they liked the babysitter beter than they like us. We walked in the door and Mally, honestly, she was like, why you would expect your four year old to be excited where mommy and daddy came home? And she was just like, we had the best time and we don't want you to come back.

Well did that sting?

Like, wait, a bit extra sting because they didn't care you were leaving nine you said goodbye and you thought they'd be tears.

They were like, see, yep, I.

Mean, on one hand, you want them to love their babysitter, but you don't want them to love them so much that they could possibly replace you and they wouldn't care.

Babysitter was it family or did you have to hire them? No?

She' them just around them off. No, he's the same girl. She's amazing.

It's Danny, but like you know, when you've got she's she makes everything fun, everything feels like a holiday.

And when you're a mom, you make everything feel like your mum. And yeah, and it's what the end goal is, right.

You want your kids to be independent, you want them to be able to be with other people like for these moments.

But as a part of you that's like just cry a little bit, like need me a little bit.

I mean, we were looking at photos on the plane and we've been gone for five minutes, so I need them.

Guys, we have a great show today. We're going to be speaking to Aunt Middleton. He is the host and like, what do you call him? The Commando of Sas, Yeah, the commando. Yeah, he is a bit of a ball breaker. So he's going to come on and talk about the new series in the Middle East.

Wow, all right, I remember when you were entertaining the idea of going on that show, Britt.

Oh could you imagine absolutely, it would be pretty funny.

All right, Well, let's see he remembers that, Laura remembers it. Let's see if ant does, we'll get him on next. You're at the pickup ladies. Our next guest is back on our televisions with SAS Australia. It continues tonight seven thirty on Channel seven and seven plus. Everyone's talking about this new season. It is bigger, better than ever. He's a little bit if you missed the premiere.

Deep in the desert, they're just like a speck of sand.

The selection process is.

The most brutal, the hardest military course.

In the world.

Oh, it's just sadistic.

Listen to him now, that's the whole that's air middles are now breathing down the farm like the creepy is hollo ants.

Yeah, I don't know about a creep but look, I think that I think.

That that was like absolutely perfect timing.

It was like the bomb goes off and then you hear this.

Yeah, and usually this is filmed in like less dire conditions like Australia. But what made you take this to the Middle East this year because from what we've seen, the conditions and the heat are next level.

Yeah, we just wanted to mix things up when it came to the environment, because if you have a different environment with different personalities, you're going to have a completely different course or a completely different show. So the desert environment is one that we've operated in, you know, for the past sort of twenty years, so we wanted to keep it nice and current, nice and relatable. And also in the desert, they one.

Can hear you scream, oh my God, to go.

And what do you think is the biggest motivator like for celebrities to do this show?

I mean, I personally couldn't think of anything here that works.

Do you know what you and your athletes that have retired that want to just challenge themselves again. They want to see if they've got that winner's mentality still. They want to see if they've still got that flame inside their inside their stomachs. And then you've got people that one there that want to redeem themselves. They want to show what a different sight to them, a different sort

Yeah, well I saw I was watching some of the snippets. I'm looking at it right now. Play actually while we're speaking to you. I think it's Peter Bowle was one of the He's an Olympic runner and he was quote unquote buried alive.

And I was watching that and.

I was like, that actually looks like there could be a serious injury, Like it looked like you had a centimeter or two to breathe. What kind of serious injuries have been on there? Because I actually I actually had an interview for this show two years ago, and the reason I didn't end up doing it was because I asked.

I was like, what kind of injuries do people actually get hurt?

And they were like, yeah, yeah, you know, it depends on how well you listen and how how were you take on board information.

Because ultimately what we did, as we do put you your life into your own hands. When we're telling you to add self of a cliff, you know, if you let down that roade, you're going to come crushing down pretty fast. And even if you get you know, stopped at the bottom, you're still going to injure yourself. If you don't listen to the detail that would give you, then you know you're going to hurt yourself.

You said that there's often people who come on their warning retribution.

Do you think from this experience.

Do you think that they're the people are always entitled to that this sort of platform, it can sometimes allow people to show their vulnerabilities, and it can allow people to, you know, show that they're sorry for the things that they may have done. But do you think that everyone is entitled to have that ability to have retribution in the public eye.

Well, entitlement is you know, who gets to choose who gets a second chance, you get to third chance, you get to fourth chance. You know, it's a social construct out there that that puts that person in that situation. So the idea of the course, and it's like that on the selection process is the slate is wipe clean. You know, it's who are you right now? We know what do you bring to this world? What do you bring to yourself? What do you bring to the team?

Oh and I don't know about that. I'm pretty perfect Middleton There everyone.

SAS Australia continues tonight seven thirty on Channel seven and seven plus.

Well speaking about going rogue and going bush and you know, doing things that are well off the beaten track.

Oh god, what have you done there?

I mean, I reckon that there's no toilets in SAS. I reckon people are going to have to be doing a few bush peas. And now my daughter Lola, she has a brand new technique for the bush peek.

Laura's training for SAS Great yeer old.

Is about to join up SAS. But no, look, things did not go well on the weekend.

Oh god, all right, Laura's child's audition for SAS on the pickup coming next.

Now, my little Lola, she's two years old. She I mean, two is such a good age. It's a really funny age because they go through these little periods where they become obsessed with different things. Do you remember when I was telling you recently how Laura got obsessed with wearing underwear on her head and.

It was my favorite phase of her.

Did you tell She showed photos and we posted them to the pickup page everye.

Only that because it wasn't it wasn't like a one off like this kid. One day she just woke up and I tried to put underpants on her bottom, and she was like, I'll put a pair on my bottom, and I'll put a pair on my head.

And then that was it. She wore that or not the exact pair.

But every single day, every waking minute, the kid had a pair of undies on her head. Now at the moment, we're going through a new phase, a new obsession that she has. Her newest thing is that she is she's toilet trained. Like the kid is great, she never needs a nappy unless it's nighttime. But she's all over it now. But she's decided out of nowhere, she doesn't really want to use a toilet. She would prefer to do a bush.

We Well, I think that means they're not toilet trained, Laura, I think that's the opposite toilet train.

She's not doing it. Wait, wait, no, she is.

She's not doing it in the house, she's not doing it in the pants. She knows exactly when she wants to go. She just has a preference and that's being out in nature. She wants to go out into the garden and pee behind a jacaranda bush.

I just need to point out the fact that you don't live on property. You live in the middle of a populated city. During the way that Laura says it is like, yeah, bush.

We not kangaroos.

And I can see your neighbour's kitchen from your house. I've been with your backyard, Laura.

Literally there's so much concrete. It's full on suburbia where we live. But we do have a little bit of a garden, like we've got a backyard, butere there's some grass.

Now.

We never used to have grass, and we moved into a new place and it has a backyard.

So she has become obsessed.

And I would say, no, ninety percent of daytime wheeze are done in the garden.

Now, I think you figured out, you know how Laura had that big conundrum where she's like, all the plants in my yard and dead.

I can figure it out a couple of it. We need to backtrack, Laura.

Ninety percent of daytime wheeze is so much, so do you just go where's my child. Oh she's popping the squat above the Jacaranda bush.

I just I don't really care, you know what.

I'm really Most the time it's fine, But every so often, when we're at the park or whatever, she'll do the same thing. She'll say, Mom, I've got to do a bush wi And I was like, Darline, there's a toilet right there. And then she finds me on it and I'm like, oh, fine, go there's a go behind that bush over there.

So public in decency, got it. Yeah, she's two, she can get away with it for a bit longer.

Yeah.

Anyway, we were at the park a couple of days ago and I had Marley, so Molly it was with me.

She's four, and she was with me on the slides.

And Laura was like, mummy, toilet, mummy toilet. I was like, okay, well, go get your daddy and he'll take you to the toilet.

And she's like okay.

So she walks over and I just assume she's gone to go and get dad to take it the toil because we are in the park and there's lots of people, and this little bit of time passes and this woman comes up to me and she goes, excuse me, I think I think your daughter's going to the toilet, and I was like, oh, yeah, sorry, she's she's just doing a bushway like as though it's not that weird.

Standing at the park. The kids do right, like little kids will do a bushwie at the park. It's fine. And she goes, oh, okay.

The woman walks away, but she I could tell something was like she obviously had to be in a bonnet about the bushwie.

She wasn't cool. She's not cool, mom, Okay, she had an issue with it. Anyway.

A couple of seconds later she comes back over and she goes, oh.

I'm so so sorry to interrupt you. And I know you said your daughter's going to but she's doing.

A poo behind the swings park dump.

Bush pe to park dump. She didn't even go behind a bush.

She did a poo in the middle of the park, behind mons lauraa.

Dumped anywhere.

My god, who's that child going down a slide? Oh wait, no, it's a tur We.

Had no toilet paper, no nothing, don't even take baby wipes with us anymore.

And my kid did a dump in the bar.

I actually am shook her. You are going to start to get some proper complaints.

What do you pick it up with? You got to pick that up. You don't leave it dump in the park. I went and got a pooh bag. Don't have a doggy bag. I took the docky bag.

And picked it up and then tried to also wipe the barn with a doggy bag.

Anyway, we had a chat.

I told her she could do bushweeze, but she can't do park poos.

She accepted these rules. She's too she doesn't care what I say.

It's still with her team.

Yep, she's going to.

Be leaving it, you know how like most kids when you leave, like the cookie crumbles, so you know your way.

It's just down the slide, it's a poo trail.

Then on the swings there she.

Is on the burn children. You know they're a special breed, all right, everyone, Next on the show, we have documented girl math here on the show before it and Brittain Laurie, you've taught it's what girl math is. There's a new trend in town called gay math and oh yeah yeah, and now I'm about to blow your mind ladies. And you can't say anything else because if you do. It's homophobic and I'll cancel Youaha.

I can't wait to listen to your talk at us between and that's next on the pickup.

Gay math Now, Britt Laura on the show, you girls have brought to us the trend that's taken the world by storm. That is girl math, and that is you guys can speak to it. You're the girls on the show.

What is girl math?

A very easy kind of example of this is, say you're going to buy some expensive shoes. Girl math would be justifying the cost, the overall cost of the shoes by the amount of times that you're going to wear it. So you divide the overall cost by you know, three hundred days, and then that gives you the actual cost per wear.

Yes, Laura, I'm all for girl math.

Okay.

And we've had girl math, we've had guy math. But now let me introduce you to the only math that I've ever been interested in in my entire life. If only this was a subject a high school. It is gay math. Okay.

So we know about girl math, and we know about boy math, and now it's time for gay math. Let's begin. If it takes fifteen minutes for a regular person to get there. It's gonna take a gay seven point five minutes.

All you have to do is a vibe by two.

If there's four siblings in your family, one of them's gay. If there's three siblings in your family, one of them's gay. If it's ninety five degrees out, you order a nize coffee. If it's ten degrees out, you order an ized coffee, A plus B equal C. If someone looks at you one to two times, they're not interested in you. If they look at you a third time, that's the love of your life.

Yeah, that's gay math.

Girls, Not one of those things made sense to me. It did to me.

I mean, there's three siblings in my family and one of them is gay, so that one was a very straightforward piece of math equation. It worked in my household.

There's four in mind, and none of us are gay, no that they know of you.

But you're a matt, you're brunette, and you had gold jewelry, So don't question gay math. Brittany Hockley, thank you. I'm gonna take you to school if you girls don't mind, I've got some time.

Well, it feels like a really jazzy school as well.

Gay math sounds fine, jazzy school, you've never sounds and a straighter all right, So more gay math on the fly, Britt and Laura. If the party begins at six and I get there at ten, in fact, I'm.

Early, okay, But because that's literally what you do anytime. Yeah, anytime there's a deadline, anytime that there is a required time that you need to be at something, we need to tell you to get there half an hour earlier because you are always late and it's a terrible quality.

Correct.

But I'm gay, so I'm earlysh But.

That's not it's not a hall pass right.

It's not behymophobic. One month a one.

Month to throw that turn around, okay.

A one month relationship for a straight couple is one month they've been together one month. A one month relationship for a lesbian couple is three years.

Now.

I get that. Yeah, okay, I Britt, I agree with you. And you know why.

It's because women are so intense and we share everything about ourselves and so we instantly have deep conversations and we're already talking about spending our lives together and everything else at the one month mark.

Well, every gay friend that I have has like fallen in love, gotten married, engaged kids didn't like.

Two well done.

As you're picking up, you're picking up game map. If I scream at a sport match embarrassing, But if I'm screaming at a concert iconic.

Oh, yeah, I agree, I agree, it's cream ash makes Yeah.

Why don't I test you?

Now?

I've given you enough examples of gay math.

You can answer this for me.

If a twenty one year old and a twenty eight twenty eight year old straight couple of dating, that's a seven year age gap. But if a twenty one year old and a twenty eight year old a dating in the gay world, how big is that age gap?

Mitch? Can you repeat the question? Yeah, If a.

Twenty one year old and a twenty eight year old straight couple of dating, seven year age gap. If a twenty one year old and a twenty eight year old gay couple of dating, how big is the age gap?

One year?

The age gap is non existent.

Yeah, Mitch, I.

Know why you're doing this, and it's because you're dating a twenty one year old and you want us to say it's okay.

And look, if you need to convince yourself it's all right. It's all right. Midge had this very crush on this kid. What his plates on his path?

Still up and run with that, But that was this was self serving and I didn't think it would go down this path.

What past did you think, Gameth?

Is that I can end the show at any time.

We're going on.

We're getting gay math means by