FULL SHOW: Is this wedding tradition linked to divorce?

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Good Pickup with Britt Hockley and Laura.

Ben Bady Your work, our windows down, that's my world rison the dust only good fabs are all down.

I've done much, but yeah I'm not.

I'll big get and what I want.

It don't matter where.

This is the pickup, Hi, guys, it's the pickup with Britt Hockley and Laura Ben.

How are we feeling? It's hump days?

Mate?

Today was It was a slow start, That's for sure, But now I'm feeling good.

I'm glad I'm here. Put it that way.

Why was it a slow start?

I woke up?

Kids just can just be so irrational and like, I feel like anytime I complain about mine, I need to preface it with how much I love being a mom.

I do, that's.

Every mom, but some parent has to say, like before I.

Have my complaint, I love my children you just like some days are harder than others, and some some days more like fulfilling with love than others. And this morning was not one of those days. I woke up to Lola.

Because she just I want to be awake.

I want to be And I was like, Babe, you are yelling at me and you're hitting me. That would indicate that you were awake.

You are well, You are well and truly awake.

We were talking about this a bit earlier, but I.

Just think it's so funny when it transitions from everything that you hate as a kid you really love as an adult.

Like I just want to nap. I want to sleep.

I want to be relaxed, horizontal, someone feed me, seeing me nursery rhyme, tickle my head and put me to bed.

That's like my dream.

I was like, baby, you can stay in bed for a little while and rest. I don't want to rest. I wish i'd gotten the audio of it.

It was so irrational and unreasonable, and I was like, you know what, I gotta go to work.

This is Dad's problem.

Dad.

Hey, if you guys did miss it earlier this week I get married.

I am married.

I am a missus secret officially I will stay Missus Hockley.

But Ben my husband, he's in Australia. He came on the show on Monday.

But because some of you lucky ducks had a public holiday, so you weren't in the car, you weren't at work, we had a bunch of people slidding too, the DM saying they missed the chat and they wanted to hear it again. So we are going to replace some of that after the break, and it was very funny. We did definitely have a few mishaps on the day of the wedding.

I mean when I'm blaming Ben basically, to.

Be fair, the only person that you can be like thankful for that that wedding actually came together.

It's to yourself and.

My wedding planner, and you know, and Ben showed up and he did his part by saying I.

Do so well done.

You know, we barely showed up in time. No, there's a lot going on anyway. I love your band. After the break, will you hear all about it.

Ben, welcome to the show.

Thanks guys, good to see you again.

How do you feel as a husband.

Let's really let's get into the highlights. How are you feeling as a husband.

Yeah?

Same, really but we had incredible time, so really really happy, a little bit tired.

Yeah, do you know what I do want to know? Ben? I heard that you showed up to.

Your own wedding without any pants to wear. It to said wedding. You had a year to organize a suit and it was the one thing that brit was constantly fearful about, and come said wedding day, somebody didn't have pants.

Before I let him speak, Ben, I just want to set it up.

Not only did he have a year, he left it until the last week before the wedding and I had to still organize it for him.

So his job was just to get dressed. So talk to us about how that went.

Ben, Yes, my pants shrunk, which is not ideal when your legs are the size of my legs, but.

It was all fine. Nobody noticed.

I'm not sure how you got this information because it was very secrets with my groomsmen.

But yes, there were some safety pins in my pants.

But it's all fine, nobody got stung. Nobody knows, just except.

For you, Laura.

We want to know, and we need to set this up. You can't just say my pants trunk.

It's not like Doctor Doolittle.

Or whatever that show was, I honey, I shrunk the kids.

Sorry, really different shows that.

Okay, let me set this up.

Ben decided to wear his wedding suit the week before to someone else's wedding and.

I said, baby, efficient, Swiss efficiency.

I said, baby, let's maybe like save the wedding suit for the big day and get you a different suit.

No, Ben, just onto road test and I like that.

He goes, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, just fine, it's Fine's fine anyway.

He gets it dirty. We get to BALI.

I said, you have to dry clean this suit three days in advance, because that's how long it takes. Do not forget to give it to the hotel and send it off, babe, please, I've got this. So two days before the wedding, I say, hey, did you dry clean the suit? He's like, I forgot. He goes to try and do it and he's like, babe, problem. They say it's going to take three days. I said, I know, Ben. The weddings in two days, so Ben starts splashing money around.

Did you check it, like when it came back from the Balinese dry cleaner?

Did you think I might look at this?

I had my shirt cleaned as well, but it's my backup shirt, and I thought, Okay, everything's in order, brilliant, done it, but it's going to be happy super And once I actually looked at them put them on, I was like, they're not my pants.

They're too small.

They didn't fit.

They didn't fit, so yeah, I had to stretch them out a little bit and add emergency length.

It's like so like add length to the bottom.

Twenty minutes before we walked down the aist, I had the tailor come in.

So it's all done.

We're all done at about five centimeters added. And I think the wedding planner came to measure my waist and my jeans to buy a backup.

Pants pants, so he couldn't get the zipper up either, So I did.

I did see. I mean, I had a pretty front row seat.

Where are you looking?

And I see that your pants were safety pin together at the fire you couldn't tell that they were safety pin but the zipper wasn't zippering. At that point, I was like, something's going on.

Zipper was stuck and there was no way to unstuck them.

So his one job of just putting the pants on somehow managed to end up with you having no pants that fit their skin tight, they're done up with safety pins.

It was you that was authentically me.

You really kick started your responsibilities.

You did make it, and you did look amazing. Actually, Ben, you looked amazing Britney. You also looked amazing. Very important. I know that how much effort went into what you were wearing.

Ben. Not only was it the.

Zipper and the pants, but also five days beforehand we discovered that your ring didn't fit you either, which had to be completely remade from scratch in five days.

So like I love with all the time.

That you had between you guys to get this organized, Ben, you were.

The week it really were.

I mean, is that any surprise? Really? Yeah?

No, But to be fair and it's absolutely no surprise. The wedding was incredible. It was like it was out of a movie or a fairy tale. It was really the most beautiful wedding that I think I've ever seen.

I would can't mind in that as well.

It was stunning at your wedding, it was amazing.

It was like I say, went off without a hitch. There were hitches. Did our photographer cancel five days before?

Yeah?

Did our ring not work? We wasted it? Yes? Did you have pants?

No?

Did our cake turn up like something we didn't order? And it was burnt little crispy breakfast. Yes, there were things that happened. But at the end of the day, I married the love of my life with or without pants. I was taking you anyway, Ben, So it was spectacular.

Now, Britt, you.

Might remember a few weeks back we were speaking about there's kind of been this real change and shift in perceptions around letting your kids sleep over at people's houses. And there's a debate that's been happening online as to whether, firstly, what is the right age, and as to whether it's the right thing for your kids' safety to let them sleep over at friends' houses. And it's an interesting one because we talked about it. It blew up on socials.

You know what, I the only thing I'll quickly had to this before because I know it's serious.

But my best friend reminded me on the weekend.

We've been best friends for thirty years and we used to say each other's house all the time.

She's like, remember how every time.

We'd have a sleepover, you'd only come if you liked what we had for dinner, Like I used to say eating.

She's like, want to save tonight and I was like, what's for dinner? I was like eight? She told me if I did like it, I wouldn't go.

I like that you had strong boundaries even as an eight year old, did I knew what I wanted well?

Look, it really did blow up on socials.

So many people were discussing the fore and against it. There's a lot of families who are kind of taking the rout now of not letting their kids go to sleepovers.

But then there's also.

People who think that maybe we're wrapping our kids too much cotton wool. Someone who did slide into our DMS is Genevieve Mua now Jen Is. She's an Obstretix social worker and she also has the business connected parenting, and it was really nice to chat to someone who actually has insight into this. Not only does she have four boys herself, but she's helped a lot of parents across the country manage what is a great way of finding a middle ground in this, Jen, welcome to the show.

Thank you so much for having me.

Guys, Jen, I'm assuming the middle ground isn't asking what they've got for dinner.

I love that though, that is brilliant. I'm asking that next, so I get asked on the sleepover for sure?

Do you think that this is not something that parents should be particularly concerned about or.

Do you feel as though.

That maybe there has been I guess a bit of fear mungering happening online and on social media at the moment around this whole sleepover debate.

I think it's hard to be a parent in general. These days. We have so much information about what's good for kids and what is a risk for kids. Yeah, from everything from how we should be seed in them, how we keep them safe, how we educate them. There's so much pressure. One of the things that I think is a good thing, right is there's been a massive social change in our understanding of what the risk to

But I guess it's not particularly an age thing then is it? Because kids all develop a different ages and phases.

You know?

I would say that some kids have those communication skills earlier than others.

Absolutely, And with my four boys, there was one that I was a lot later in letting him go for his first sleepover simply because he actually had a delay with his speech. He was not a kid that would speak up. He was really kind of quiet by nature, really struggled to put his hand up in class and say what he needed. I wasn't going to send him

Jen out of curiosity, how old are your kids when you let them sleep over at people's houses?

So look really different ages depending on the child. But like I think if we were to say like a good age in general, I think it's probably somewhere upwards of maybe eight ish, Like it's somewhere around there that I think, depending on the child. And again, kids are going to be so different. For one of my kids, he was that little bit older. He just wasn't ready. And for some kids that might be younger, it might be from six that you have a good friend and

Yeah, I mean you don't think about that too. I remember going on school camp lucky. My mom never really let us stay at people's houses, but they always say to ours, so I was kind of used to the sleepover environment.

Got ours everywhere I did was shipping me out.

I didn't know your mum also had four kids, and she was like, just get one of them out of the house.

That kids, and they were all working. They were like, find a friend today, somewhere else.

Thanking so much, Jen, thanks for joining the show.

Absolute pleasure.

Guys, we Laura are in a bit of a wedding fever at the moment.

I promise it will die down, but.

I don't think it will. It's been over a year now, but.

For me, I only got married a week ago, so, like my algorithm online is still very heavy wedding related. Everything about weddings and this is not science, but they're going to found a new indicator of divorce from a wedding. So if you go to a wedding, you might have seen like this old school tradition where people smash the cake into the bride's face, like the groom they cut the cake it's cute photos videos, and then the groom picks up a chunk of cake and smash it in the bride's face.

I've seen this trending on socials at the moment because I've definitely been to a wedding where both the bride and groom did it to each other.

Yeah, and that was cute.

It was cute they did it, they were wanting to do it to each other. They were both consenting. There's been a few that have gone and circulated around socials at the moment where like the man grabs the back of the his bride's head and shoves a whole face Like imagine sitting there getting your hair, makeup and everything done for hours, only to have your entire head dumped into a three der cake.

Yeah, and then you see all the ones that are like not just not consenting, but the ones that end in injury.

And that's actually the one I'm going to talk about today.

There's one particularly viral real that's going There's a thread on Reddit, but a man smashes the cake into his bride's face, but with a fork, like it was like he'd obviously scooped it up on a fork, puts it into her face and the fork comes through and cuts her lip like through.

The cake, so all of a sudden she bleeding. She's it's a whole thing.

Stabbed it with a form.

You'll literally stabbed your wife.

With a fork. But there are other ones too, like a lot of cakes. And this is something that I learned only just getting married. You know, all these huge, big teared cakes. I always thought they were all cake, but they're not. They're fake. A lot of them are just made from cardboard or some other material. They're covered in icing just to build them up and then maybe the top layer's got something. But a lot of them also have to use things like toothpicks and things to keep the la together.

I know, when you think about it, it's actually so sohns that is, but it's also like really frightening.

Yeah, And so there have been incidences where people have like gone to smash someone's face into the cake and like had toothpicks stuck in their face, in their skin, and like it's absolutely horrific.

But I had said this to Ben, my husband. Now, I said, just.

To be clear, like I know we don't even need to say this, but like let's not do any cake smashing. If you saw our cake, they accidentally sent the wrong cake, you couldn't have smashed it anyway.

It looks like a pizza.

We would have cut our face with a pizza cr so like there was definitely no cake smashing. But I reckon if I had said to my husband, no cake smashing, and then he thought it was funny enough to do it, I reckon, that is a ticket to divorce quick smart.

I mean there was a discussion around this as in like, why is this an indicator of divorce? And I don't think it's the cake smashing that is the indicator of divorce. I think it's the lack of care, betrayal how your partner feels.

No.

I think if your wife or bride doesn't want their face smashed into a cake, which I would put money on the fact that ninety nine point nine percent them don't.

Unless it is the very last thing.

Like, no one, no one has gotten their hair and makeup done to have their face smash into a cake with that sort of force. If you do it, it's a complete disregard for the way that they feel. And I think that this is just like the tip of

I'm also calling it if you're listening to this right now and you're getting married and you're thinking.

About it, and it's done, the cake smash is.

Done, it is interesting. I did have a little Google on where it came from.

Grecel Is on the cat you mean produce a Grace had a Google.

Sorry, Grace is on the case.

Google. It gave it to me, and I wanted to pretend I googled it.

You did, but I was like, Bridge, You've never done that much research for this show.

A lot of googling, So if you wanted to know where it originated from, it came from ancient Rome, where the bride would have like a barley cake crumbled over their head and delicately like crumble, crumble, crumble, cute cute Yu love that like apple crumble, And it was supposed to signify the promise of fertility and male dominance.

Loll it still does.

That's the problem is, like it's rooted in this deep seated tradition, and the tradition was that it showed male dominance. If a guy's grabbing you by the back of the head and smashing your face into a cake, guess what it still shows male dominance, I would argue. If not, the tradition's just gotten worse. Hasn't gotten any better unless you're both mutually cutely wiping a bit of butter cream on each other like it's raw, like.

An olive, like my cake an olive or some fetta or some crusts.

Because I did get the wrong cake.

Yeah, a pizza protrudo on each other's nace.

You might have missed that. But I did get a pizza sent to me instead.

Of a cake.

That's for another day.

OHI guys, that is it.