A good pickup with Britt Hockley and Laura ben Rady.
Your work, our windows done, my world, reason the dust only good, babs all down.
I don't much, but yeah I'm not.
I'll big get and what I want.
It don't matter where.
This is the pick up, Hi, guys, it's the pick up with Britt Hartley and Laura ben Hey.
Thrilling news I read today.
Apparently there's a bit of a push in the political world for a four.
Day work week.
When you say the political agree exactly agreed to this agree, I mean I think a four day work week is great in theory. Votamen, except I do like during the show. So does that mean that we get a Friday off? Or would we still do it because.
Out of the pure joy of our own hearts?
Yes, I would do this show for free, is how much I love it.
Tell that to the bosses, but hear.
But if the bosses forced me into a four day work week, I wouldn't be mad about it. I do think we work too much, not you and I as a like the hustle and the constant grind and the feeling like we've got to be doing too much. I think we need to kick back, take our shoes off, relax a little bit.
I think it's great for the people and terrible if you are someone who like runs a business or are a boss yourself, because having a four day work week, you will never be able to convince me that people will still be able to be as productive in four days as what they are in five.
It's actually been proven.
There are other countries that have brought it in and productivity has been proven to have increased because people are wanting to work harder when they come back, because they have more job satisfaction, they feel more relaxed. They're getting the same amount of work done, if not more, in four days.
Don't quote me.
I think it was Japan. But doesn't it just.
Mean that people are just taking the piss for most of the time of their five days of the week. Then like people are only working at like sixty percent capacity.
No, I just explained it to you, Laura, there's an increase in productivity and.
How much they're fuck you.
I came across an Instagram post on the weekend that really kind of stopped me in my tracks and I read this and it as a mum and as someone who has been in the trenches with little kids. For the last couple of years, I've sought of in there, well, I feel like I'm dragging myself out, but definitely having two kids under the age of two. There was a period there where I would talk about and relate to this idea of feeling like I lost my identity a
little bit, feeling like I lost my sense of self. However, I never really felt as though describing it as a loss of identity really made sense for me, because I still knew who I was, but there was something that fundamentally was different now that I was a mum.
Yeah, and I think it's the thing that you hear the most from new parents in the first couple of years. They all say the same thing. I don't know who I am anymore. I don't know what I want anymore, I don't know my identity. Like you hear that said so often.
I mean, obviously it sounds like it's such a negative, but it is something that's so many mums experience. But there was a different way of approaching this conversation and this Instagram post. It's from a psychologist named the Psyched Mummy, and I resonated it with it so deeply, because it wasn't about losing your identity, it was about losing your auto.
And it went like this, A mum came to see me for therapy, and something she said stuck with me for years, and I wonder if you might feel the same. She shared all the ways her life had changed since becoming a mother. I nodded with deep understanding, knowing just how many parents felt similarly, including myself. And then she said, I don't feel like I lost my identity. I lost my autonomy. And that's been the hardest part for me. She was no longer in control of her life. Her
decisions were dictated by others. Even her time was not her own. So it's not that she didn't know who she was anymore, it's that she couldn't access that person. All of the things that made her feel the most about herself were out of her reach. She valued independence, she valued spontaneity, she valued being in the driver's seat of her own life. But she felt like that that was squished somewhere in the back seat.
Now it sounds like a poem from Robert Frost, The Path Less Taken.
That was deep, It really is, and I read it and I was like, Wow, Okay, maybe it isn't identity, maybe is autonomy. And I say this as someone who, like I never expected to love being a mum as much as I do, Like I deeply love being a mum, and I love my children so much. But there definitely are times where.
You wish you had my life.
Yeah, having a friend who's able to go and do whatever they want to whenever they want to. It's the small things, you know, They're not being able to go to the gym or or go and just see your friends or have time to yourself, especially when you're in
the trenches of little kids. I know what changes at different ages and everything's the stage, but I don't think I realized how much I have experienced this to different levels at different times throughout my motherhood journey until I read it so plainly, And it also kind of gave me the language to be able to talk about it, because I think there's been times where I'm I'm not frustrated about not knowing who I am, but I definitely have times where I feel frustrated that I don't have
time for me at all.
It's interesting because as the person in the friendship group that doesn't have kids. I've always said to you.
Laura, That's always been what I've been hyper aware of when I have been on the fence or justscussing whether I'm going to go forth and have kids. The number one thing I always used to say is I'm aware enough to know that I'm very selfish with my time.
Now it's like the inherent sacrifice you have to make.
I don't know if I was ready to make the sacrifice of my time and not be autonomous.
So I've always been aware of that, and I haven't gone into that stage of children yet.
But that's been my worry. So my worry was never losing my identity. My worry was I'm thirty seven years old and I've only ever had to worry about and look after myself my entire life. How do I go from not doing what I want when I want? How do I go from I had a nap on the lounge yesterday. It was brilliant, And every time I do it, I wake up and I'm.
Like, couldn't do that.
I wouldn't have done that. Could every time I do anything.
In my life, I'm like, wouldn't be doing that if I had a kid. But do you think Matt feels the same, Like, I don't think it's necessarily just the women. Obviously, the women bear the load a lot more in the mental load, the physical load, what they're doing.
But I imagine it's a bit of a change for the men to.
I think it depends on your relationship. I think it definitely depends on how much of the load is falling on you the mum. We know that it's not an equal disparity in most relationships or equal parity in most relationships. But I feel very lucky because Matt and I share the parenting load very, very equally, and at different stages I've done more and at the moment he's doing more.
So I would dare say that he probably feels the same in a lot of ways, Like I think that he makes a lot of sacrifices as well as every parent does when you have children. But there really is this kind of sense of mourning, the ability to do whatever it is that you want to, to be spontaneous, to sometimes feel like you're fun because you kind of give those bits of yourself up a little bit to
be a responsible parent. In the same time, I don't know it's a there's like a sacrifice that's made for a wonderful gain, and the gain is so worth it in so many ways. But it doesn't mean that at some points you don't have these moments where you're like, Okay, I don't remember my.
Old self as my old self was.
So now that you put it into words from Robert Frost.
I don't know.
You feel better about it.
I feel better about it. But it doesn't mean that it changes anything, you know. I think sometimes there's like value and validation in being able to understand what an experience is, even if it means that you can't change it right now. And I think we're still at a stage where our kids are really really little, and we are still kind of in that.
Throes of parenting, and maybe it never fully changes. I don't know.
I don't know what it's like to pairent a ten year old or a fifteen year old.
I don't know when it is that you wake up and you go hold on.
I can go to the gym whenever I want to now, I don't know when that time is, but certainly not at my stage of life.
Tell everyone again what that instagram was. If you want to go look at the psych.
It's at Sight Mummy. I highly recommend it. It's got some good nuggets of gold in there as well.
I actually can't believe what I'm about to say is going to come out of my mouth.
But there is a comedy club in the UK. It is called Top Secret Comedy Club.
So secret.
Well, it's going to have no patron soon. It's going to be so secret.
Has no one that the owner has brought in a new band, like a new checklist when you enter, so you know when you enter sometimes you got to get a photo taken or you get their ID.
Check no songs and address code yea.
He has banned anyone from coming if they have botox.
How are you gonna police this?
No, he actually is going to police it.
Basically, he has just said our talent, like our comedians are so sick of performing to reactionless faces because people have botox and their faces aren't moving. So he's saying that comedians are putting complaints saying that they just can't it's so challenging to connect with their audience and delivered jokes when they only laugh from like the cheeks down like when their faces are moving, and when they only hearing the laughter and not seeing it on their faces.
So he has said to protect his high end talent like Dave Chappelle and Amy Schumer, who apparently go to the club, he has said that you will now have to be checked on entry, but he will be doing reaction tests when you enter. Surely this is like a lawsuit for you'll never getting I won't even get into the lineup.
But mind you, I have migro botox.
I could you don't have to defend yourself.
No, but I could bring a medical certificate I reckon and still get in because otherwise, okay.
Well I'd be up shit creek.
Wouldn't I I don't have a medical reason.
Okay, I did read this. We've got here.
I've had numerous complaints from performers who find it increasingly challenging to gauge the audience's engagement and bounce off their reaction.
I'm sorry, but I would go as far.
As to say that if the audience isn't having a reaction, it's probably because the talent isn't that funny. Because you can still laugh with botox.
I mean you can still.
Have no because no one's trying to do a laugh without moving my forehead.
No one's getting that much botox that you can't move your face.
That's a lie people do.
But you can move your lip, you can still laugh, you can still have a reaction. I feel like it's almost trying to blame a bad performance on the audience. It feels like the ultimate gas lighting of your own audience.
Well, he said, comedy thrives on connection, and facial expression plays a huge part. We want people to laugh, cry, frown sneer, but frozen faces from botox impact the entire higher atmosphere.
This is discrimination.
It is discrimination.
And I bet you, I'm sorry, I bet you half of your performers have botox. If they're allowed to have botox to deliver the jokes, the listeners are allowed to receive the.
Jokes with botox.
What's the very famous comedian who just did the Golden Globes. She's amazing, nikky glass, gleaser, glazer, whatever. I'm clearly super invested in her work, but she is very funny. Cannot move her face, she has so much botox, looks amazing, that's no shade, but like can still deliver very funny jokes, and it kind of like comes off because it's part of her stick.
Yeah, but also if you're doing an expression test, what if it's just useful.
What if there's a twenty.
Year old that wants to come in that hasn't gone a wrinkle yet and their for it doesn't move though.
The forest stormy movie. Your eyebrows.
No, I can do it.
That's a frown. A frown?
Are you do it?
God?
Yeah, you're frozen too.
When I haven't had botox in months. Oh that's a lot, It is true. How much of a frown I'm it's not moving, You're constipated.
This one is for anybody out there who is single. This is going to be a little hot tip for you. Something that I wish i'd known back in the time when I was out there flirting and trying to date.
Well, not all heroes were capes.
I'm just here to.
Save the day everyone.
I would say that I am a particularly bad flirt, Like the idea of flirting makes me feel uncomfortable.
I don't often agree with you, but I will hear here.
Thank you?
What about me makes you think that I can't flirt everything? Oh, to be fair, we were just talking about this. It is shocking to me. Genuinely shocking that I managed to win The Bachelor, because like, when it comes to wooing a guy or flirting, I don't think that I have a sexual bone in my body.
Like literally, it's non existent. That's more than.
Manipulation that you used to get not Yeah.
That's what my husband still says after eight years together.
I'm joking. I don't know.
I don't want it to come across the wrong way like I'm bullying you.
You are, but that's okay.
No, you don't scream flirty. You just don't. I don't know what it is.
Okay, but while you get by being super good looking.
That's not even true.
But you can keep on and complimenting me, It's fine. Look, the reason I want to talk about this is because I think there is a very fine line between being a good flirt and being a creep. Like that line is thin, and you don't know what side you sit on until you hear that someone's talking about you behind your back.
Yeah.
Right, And a lot of it comes down to eye contact. Now, we all know the eye contact is very important, but how much is too much? How do you know what is the right amount of eye contact to hold with someone who you think could be, like, you know, a hot and potential partner. So there's a relationship expert who's come out. Her name is Luanne Ward, and she has said that there is an eye contact rule. It is
called the at twenty eye contact rule. The amount of eye contact, like as in like maintaining physical eye contact with someone that you should hold is only twenty percent. What you should be doing is going around the golden triangle. So you should be like moving your eye contact from the eyes to the mouth, to.
The nose, to the eyes to the mouth.
To how low down is that triangleg and that way you know you've reached creep state.
That's the creepstate. No, but like it's the.
Moving of the eyes around that creates a sense of confusion, not confusion I was gonna say of like suspense producer Grace is.
Looking at me like I've lost the blow the room in.
No, but it's meant to like help you create a sense of like lust rather than coming across as too intense or two for long.
Well, okay, hear me out.
I am basically a relationship expert without the actual qualification. What I will say is I don't think you should be looking all over the face because when you look at the forehead it makes people feel awkward, like they've got something on their face.
That is, like I said, eyes nose mouth, eyes nose mouth.
Yeah, you literally said all over the face. Oh, but I think when you look above the eyes, it's weird.
It makes them uncomfortable, like they've gotten something on their face.
What if I look at above your eyes?
I do, now I feel like I got saying on my head.
Yeah what What I think the best thing to do is is just a really subtle glance down to live like that.
That was hot, Admit it.
I just did to you. Did you? Everyone in the car field they felt that.
They felt it. They felt the tone shift in your voice. You always make things weird.
It's like the subtle smiles and then the look away.
So like when you see someone produce a gray stuff, raising your eyebrows at me and.
Like blow your kisses across the room. But that was sort of hot too.
I think it's the like, for example, you might not be in conversation with someone, but this is like my main tip for flirting, look across the room at them where it's out of your way, Like you might even have to look over your shoulder at them, catch their eye for a minute, little smirk, look away, ten minutes later, little look back.
That's it.
That's enough, two second eye contact. That is enough for them to be like hold the line.
But that's the question, right.
That's always to me is how long does the eye contact need to be held from across the room, because that's when it can err into Okay, that's too long. That person's just staring at me.
You not a minute.
It's just not like a minute steering competition across the room, like who can blink first?
You know what.
I also think though, fifty percent, yeah, sure, it might be technique of like how you're looking at someone's eyes whatever. The other fifty percent is whether or not you're attracted to the person, because if they're hot ass and they're staring at you from across the room, it doesn't matter. If they're standing there staring you for ten minutes, you'll
be like, so, I got it, not creepy. But if there was someone who you're not attracted to at all, then that's when I think it ers into creepy territory, which is totally unfair, but it does show that we're very superficial beings.
Absolutely, I wouldn't add anything to that. I think that was a perfect wrap off of how to flirt.
Thank you, well done, Bruce Luen everybody. If you want any more great tips like that, you can go to Britney's Instagram page.
Brittany Underscore Hockeley.
Sorry, Golden Triangle. I'm pretty sure that means something else in another country.
It does, It really does.