FULL SHOW: Attempting to teach Laura how to SEXT 🥵

Laura and come on hello everyone.

Hey guys, Swifty is coming to town this weekend.

You made it something like the Christmas song and Swift has come and that's not.

How the Christmas So no one calls Swift mate, it's Taylor.

Yeah, but we're one day closer.

Swift is exciting sowt okay, we're all going to a separately, but she's starting in Melbourne. We're obviously going to the Sydney show.

I'm thinking her boyfriend, Travis Kelsey, if he's just won the super Bowl, he's off, he's on holiday.

I reckon he's going to turn up to every single show. I reckon he's coming on tour. You get bored, like going to every single one. Do you think that'd a come a point where you're like, oh, sit this one out, just get some takeaway.

Taylor Swift, you'd be so into it. There's so many songs.

You got a private jet and you've seen a new country, and she's got the power to do whatever you want.

I don't think he's going to get bored.

That was not a private jet. It's not like he's got to get on a you know, Cafe Pacific flight and economy and get his way to Sitdney.

He's not a private jet, he's having parties on his jet. He's getting a tailor sweet concert. You'd be O, my god.

Could you imagine if that was your partner, Just how proud you would be watching her perform to like one hundred thousand people screaming like.

I don't think that feeling would ever get old.

Imagine sending your partner a text and knowing that that's the person on stage, like you know that their phone's backstage, like sending them a little a little text, being like like what you did there? Yeah, Yeah, your arse looks good.

You know. I mean it's very cute, isn't it. I've got my outfit, finally. I feel like I'm getting that a little bit closer and a little bit more excited.

Laura is teasing this like she's going to turn up looking like she's probably gone to double Lane and got a nice little, excuse me turtleneck.

I've gone to war to get a turtleneck. How do you think I am?

Shut up, bitch, get out of here.

I'm sure you look beautiful. Thank you, Sure you will.

Thank you in my like yeah, rolled in glitterately.

No you're hot. You are hot. Everyone who goes to Taylor is just hot. And listen if you don't have to, oh.

Really that's what that's part of my up yet escal on my knees though, well sorry, just like a long.

Piece of rope. Hey, if you want to get to Tailor Swift, if you don't have them yet, here at the pickup, we are giving you your chance at an entire row for you and all your friends to win your shot. In the next fifteen minutes. We're your home of Taylor Swift.

Very excited, absolutely excited.

Now speaking of nipple tassels, it is Valentine's Day, so Happy Valentine's Day, Happy v Day to the world. It has been released officially by Vodaphone. They can go through your phone, so they know better than anyone else the sexy texting habits of Australia.

I reckon they do go through it. How else will they know.

They have to?

They don't legalities, but someone's hacked your phone for sure.

Now one's sitting here with my tinful hat on and my nipple tassels and I'm ready to go home.

Let's get started.

Great mentally to pick up surprisingly all right, those stats. Next Happy v dates the pick up thanks to Kevis Squarehouse head on in today Great savings every day. So it is Valentine's Day, So votaphone is done. Is they have released the sexting habits of Australians, So naughty texts that people send, couples send and situationships and whatever not. So they're calling it the red Hot Love Index, which looks at yeah, the sexy texts that are sent out.

Ye're on?

Yeah.

I mean that a lot of them might be you know, like loving text you be my Valentine.

They don't have to all be sexting babe, Can you bring some milk home?

Surely one in five Australians, mostly men. These are some interesting stats. We're planning on sending a risk a text on Feb fourteen. I don't know how they got.

That, no, do you know what they almost did?

This must have been an anonymous survey though, because I saw the same one that you're talking about, Mitch. And there was one thing on there which really stood out to me, and it was like one fifth of men were planning on texting as many as seven women. So if you get a text this Valentine's Day from a guy, I think he's probably text six other women at the same time.

But lore eighty three percent of women were also planning on sexting three people.

Yeah, all right, look, you got to keep your options open.

The best part of numbers game, Baby, they got stats from each state. So the Northern Territory is the state most likely to send a naughty text, followed by act Tasmania, then New South Wales and South Australia, which just shocks me completely.

This is ridiculous. How do they know who was thinking about sending it?

Also, the idea, I don't know if I love it or hate it, the idea of people sending bulk sexts out like to seven people at a time, as long as I guess it's a copy and paste of the content, but not the Katie.

That's why you use baby, so dous do you guys send naughty texts? Britt because your partner lives overseas I'm.

In a long distance relationship. Ben lives in Scotland, so yes, one hundred percent. We have to live our life through via a phone, via FaceTime, so we've had some interesting moments, for sure.

I like to think I'm pretty good at it.

With the time difference, though, you'd be aroused, you'd send him a photo and then you'd have to wait six hours for him to wake up.

It's a real move killer. It definitely doesn't set the tone. It's always like getting into it and you're like, sorrow, baby fell asleep eight hours later. I never mind up at work now.

Of course.

That's really hard.

Laura, you're Maddy.

Do you know I've seen your phone? I know you do. I know that this is like part of your normal.

Like I'm in a relationship with a twenty one year old, so that's all I do. I've never actually met the mess the only way you can just purely sex. I don't even know his name.

I don't know if this is just the case when you're in like a long long term relationship like Matt and I've been together for seven and a half years now and we've got two kids, and I think at the start we used to be quite good at it. But now it's been it's been so long since I've sent him a naughty text, and I now it's to the point where if I was to send him a naughty text, it would be awkward. Laura would be so she has I have no I will back her.

She doesn't. I have not none, none.

I wouldn't think that there's a remotely sexy thing about show.

What would you text Matt? Tell him?

Tell us can you pick the kids up this afternoon? Because that's what gets to go. Hey, honey, can you please get a kid? Real honey, can you please make sure that you take the green bin out?

Try some of your dirty talk? Now I know I have no do I can buy the music again. Just give us some of your dirty talk, cleasure. I'm Matt, your beautiful partner you met on the TV.

Felt more uncomfortable in this show in my entire What if we not? What if I've got telling Laura what to say and see how she can do it, I'd be like, Hey, I can't.

Okay, Hey honey, maybe tonight.

Oh my god, maybe tonight. Maybe tonight, Like it's not a definite, I will sleep with you. It's fifty fifty.

I don't want to commit in cases I don't feel like I might get done, change my mind. Okay, hold on what you have a bad night and then it's not happening.

Just relax, The kids will be fine.

Sometimes we do put Coco melon on downstairs and we run upstairs for a quickie, but there's no talk about it.

It just happens.

Let's write some messages. Why don't you text Matt now by the end of the show, we'll get his reply and see what he said.

I have nothing to text you. Okay, we will do it because Mitch and I are both producer grace.

Can we say what we want to say on air or do we have to just text it because we don't want to get it upset because it's pretty vulgar.

No, we can just do something really top line. It just gets that just plants the thought, plants the seed.

I'm sorry, You're going to do the dirty talk for me, and then I'm going to send this.

To my husband.

Yeah, yeah, okay, ready, terrible idea.

I think you should start with music Queans.

Hey, baby, I've just been feeling really tight today. My shoulders are so tight and I feel really tense. I feel really tense and I've just seemed to be thinking about you all day.

It's just crazy.

And then you say, when I get home, if only there was a big burly man to pick me up and relieve me of some of that stress. What time do you finish? Well send it. We're going to go to some songs and when we come back, Australia's heart throw Mattie J will have reply. Is that the most action he's had in how long have you been married? D? Okay, we will get bringing that update seriously. Well, hey, your chance at the Taylor Swift tickets happening in literal minutes.

Okay, if you guys just missed it.

We were talking about how Votera phones brought out this like, I don't even know what you call it. It's like a sexty, what Australians are doing on Valentine Index, the Red Hot Lover Report, And off the back of that, I was saying that over the last seven and a half years of being in a relationship with my husband Matt, I have lost the art and the skill of sending

We felt so bad for you. It was dreadful which I had this.

I can't wait to get home and see you tonight. I've been thinking about you all day as soon as the kids are in bed. It's been a big day, so much tension. Just need someone to pick me up and relieve me. I've been feeling so tight that not even dirty. This is the beiges of dirty talks.

But he wrote, supposed to be just set the tone lightly, you going hard?

Call lord? Yeah, baby, I was setting the tone and he.

Wrote back bit gassy, question Mark, And I said, no, I'm being serious.

And he's really confused by this, and he.

Wrote, sorry, you want me to physically pick you up, question Mark and carry you up the stairs?

You say, well, loser, this meaning when I've got to break it down for your buddy. Okay, Well no, that's what do I run next? What's the next?

Yes?

Yes, but yes, but the stairs isn't what I'm worried about. The bed. The bed is the destination.

Make sure you pick your close up after because I'm clean friend watching.

It's almost like watching your friend who's just turned they got.

Their first again. I feel worried about you.

I'm nervous, but not in like the sex talk kind of hot way, like in what is happening? What's he said?

You want a bit of sexy time?

Eh? Yes, that's good, he said, are you going to service me?

Lady?

Wow?

All right? That's oh God, the true Maddie Jay coming out?

Is he gonna die when?

There is nothing romantic about this soundser Are you going to service me?

You want to check?

I get your oils checked.

Baby.

There is nothing about this carry on that is sexy, and maybe that's why I gave up the sexy talk in the first place.

Should we call him Brittain, No, No, let's call Maddie Ja. Just continue it. Just you need to just continue. I don't have a Laura. This is a challenge that Britta and I have given. You. Just have to say texting what I felt it so deeply in my bones. I needed to hear your voice. Just try it.

Just please don't let me do that. No, I actually can't. You can you can?

So you have to I'm turning out mics soft Britt, Hello, Hello, Gooday.

I just you know you sent that message, and well, I was just thinking about us, that's all what you thinking. I was thinking about all the things I want to do to you later.

Oh, like propagate me.

Yeah, take all my clothes off and yours.

I can't tell if you're crying or laughing. I'm overcome with emotion.

That's wrong.

Look, I think we should practice for our third baby.

Just practice. I mean, let's not get too carried away.

What part do we need to practice?

The horizontal dance of love part? Okay, we can.

We can practice for timy home.

I'll be home at six o'clock. And then we get the kids into bed, Get them into bed.

You know. We can put some music on. We can undress each other. What kind of music would you want? Maybe something like this?

Slowly, and then we can set the candles. You know, we can just be slow with each take our time. It's Valentine's Day, after all.

I do like to rush, don't.

I'm going to give you the best five minutes of your life.

I actually can't keep doing this.

I'm so welcome you to the pick up.

Sorry, we challenged Laura to dirty talk you.

I cannot. I can't dirty talk. He knows that he's my husband.

We're both pretty bad it dirty talking. But just to confirm, are we gonna do? I still get my special treats.

Look, you can get a special treat but please never make me do that again.

I've never felt more visceral, enclas. I feel so bad for your relation.

That was terrible.

It's the only time you two have ever made love when those two kids were made No, thank you, Maddy j We feel sorry for you.

Mate. I'm like in the mood now, wait where are you going going?

Wait? Just Mitch and get you in the mood as well. All three of us here we are, Hey, honey, Mitchell sextu later? Was that laughter or crying?

I think something else? Or we've heard about Laura's v day?

Oh, I just think that Valentine's Day. It doesn't always go to plan. And I've had a bit of a disaster one last year that reminded me.

For all those other people out there, I want to tell you about it.

If you also have a disaster, you're not alone and we want to hear about it.

Thirty one oh six five. If you've had a disaster Valentine's Day, please call.

Up and let us know. All right, that's next on the pickup.

It is Valentine's Day, and we do love love, and we love hearing all the love stories. But there's a bunch of people out there that don't want to hear that. There's a bunch of people out there that are not loved up that want to hear Valentine's Day Gone wrong thirteen, Yeah, thirty one, oh sixty five. If you have a story about a Valentine's Day present that was horrific or Valentine's Day gone wrong, let me know. Last year, for me, I was in a very new relationship with my partner Ben.

So Valentine's Day comes.

Last year, it's the day before it's Valentine's Day Eve, and I'm driving to work in the car with my friend and we're talking to Bed on the phone and we're just having a fun conversation.

I'm like, Ben, have you ever gotten like a bad Valentine and stay present. And he's like, not really, I don't really get a present, have you? And I said, oh, not a bad one, I said, but there are those presents that just give you the ick, you know, those presents that you're like, why do they exist? Why do people send them? I don't get it. He's like, what do you mean? It's like Teddy Bears, dumb? Why do people send adults teddy Bears? They're juvenile, they're for children.

I mean some people like Teddy Bears, but they're not for me. Okay, I feel like it's any The problem is it's any traditional Valentine's Day gift, like as in and I'm talking like the real stock standard stuff like the little weird Teddy Bears you get from service stations.

So I'm like, I'm like teddy bears, dumb. Uh. Flowers in a box dumb? Who sends a fly?

And I don't mean flowers like roses that are put in a box to have protection. I'm talking about these little flowers that come in a box that's like five centimes high, and the flowers just stuck in.

That's full of water because you can't try out.

It's very practical, not really cute flowers belong in a beautiful vase.

So I just don't think those little, short, stubby flowers in a box.

I don't bube them.

So you were on a ranch in the car and then the.

Topp I was and I was like, look, because I love flowers. I do love them, but I'm like roses. They still triggered me a little bit. And I was on the Bachelor. I got dumped, you know, first person to not get picked ever, Yeah, the history of ever trigger. So I'm going on and on about this to the band. I'm like flowers in a box Teddy bears roses. He's quiet, he's quite quiet, and he's like, okay.

Think nothing of it. Valentine's Day comes the next day and I get a delivery of literally flowers in a box of roses in the shape of a giant Teddy Bear. I meet a high everything. I said to Ban and I felt I've never felt worse. And I called him and I said, oh my god, thank you so much. He's like, no, you don't, I know you hate it. And I said no, no, no, no, it's actually beautiful. I was like, I'm gonna put it in my lunge room, so I had it there. Okay, I mean I witnessed

No, yeah, look, it's you don't want to criticize because like, it's so nice to get something, but if you get something that you're like, oh, I'm probably gonna throw it on a couple of weeks.

Well what do you do with it? I reckon this was satire.

I think he knew and he was like a giant sized novelty Teddy Bear Flowers.

He's not in the country, so you can just dump it because he lives overseas.

Okay, right, that's what I thought.

So I had it up for a week because Laura came over and she's like, what is that.

I'm like, that monstrous.

It took out the whole middle of her dining table, like it was so over the top, But.

That's beautiful to grand gesture.

It was a very grand It was beautiful gesture. Yes, and I loved the gesture. I don't want anyone to think I'm ungrateful.

But I left it.

I left it for a week. Then I threw it out. Then Ben calls me one day and he's like, show me how the flowers are going, And I said, oh baby, I'm so sorry.

I literally just threw him out today, probably in the bed.

You said they died.

I said they died. I had to take it out.

And he's like, oh, but but they said that they were preserved and they last after three months. That's why I got them for you, so you could have them long term.

They were the ever last day were there ever last chemically treated roses?

I've said that, so I just burnt the whole thing through it out and he's like, he's like, you hated it?

You hold on. People are calling Natalie. I'm thirteen one and six five. Did this happen to you? Did you have a V day go wrong?

Oh?

The day went terribly wrong. My husband I said that I needed a new washing machine, so he gets one delivered on Valentine's Day.

That's not kid, I love that.

No, Sane, I guess you have to stay home because I'm getting the washing machine delivered, getting up and delivered with small washing machines.

Oh so you even had to stay home?

Nothing last ye nothing says that weekend weekend you go, are you guys still married?

Now? I love him?

Happy V Day Australia, no matter what you're doing, maybe a single and actually I actually hate that. Like V Days sometimes can get you down, you know.

That's why one of people's worst moments. It's like there are people at home that are like, stop being lovey dovey. Don't want to hear it if.

You see Yeah, won't there be people who were like, I'll take anything. Think about all the people who've got nothing for Valentine's Days.

They'll be people that hate me right now.

They're like, you've got a massive thing of flowers in the shape of a Teddy Bear. I would have taken a washing machine.