FULL SHOW: A dating app with NO pictures?

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A pickup with Britt Hockley and Laura Burn.

Brady, your work, our windows down, that's my world.

Reason the dust only good, bab Doug all down.

I don't much, but yeah I'm not.

I'll big get and what I want.

It don't matter where done.

This is the pickup, Hi, guys, It's the pick up with Britt Hockley and Laura Burn.

And it's the end of the week already. Is this literally the shortest week of the year.

I think it is.

Hi for anyone who didn't take these like three days off, I feel like we're all chumps.

I say this because I am also a chump. We are also at work.

But this long weekend holiday Easter Holiday into end Zac Holiday, it feels like it's the holiday that never ended. And some kids are in school holidays and some kids are back at school. I just think, like, just take it off.

I love the idea that we've bookended public holiday, but it does feel unnecessary to come back for three days. I think a lot of people are calling in sick. I think a lot of people go to their bosses and say, hey, can I book annually? Their bosses say that chance, and they're like, cool, I'm going to call in sick. Anyway, we may as.

Well make it a week long holidays.

Those three days are the smartest three days to take your annual holidays in. Like, surely bosses are not rejecting that type of holiday unless you've already taken heaps of it. Surely there are that many bosses out there that are rejecting those three days and saying no, you've got to come in.

Someone has to work.

Every employee can't come and ask for the same week off, then there's no one at work.

That's true.

I imagine if your people came, like at Tony May your shop, and they all came and said, well, it makes sense, give us the week off to you.

Never a lot of them did, though a lot of them have taken off. But I think in those situations, it's a first in best dress. So if like half the officers or it was smart enough to get themselves organized, then I'm kind of like fair play game on.

But not everyone can do it.

So yeah, my heart goes out to all the people who worn't smart enough. Aka Brittany and I to ask for these three days off, and here we are now asking kind of something we do on life funk Up podcast every week where we answer You're deep, You're duck, and your burning questions. So if you have a dilemma, give us a call and you might get through. We have Sarah on the line, and Sarah is a mum who is having a little bit of trouble, not with the friend that she's made, but with the kids.

Sarah, what's going on?

Hi, girls, I've finally made a mum friend. Our little kids go to school together. We have the same interest, the same value in our parenting. However, unfortunately it's our younger children that when we get together, they just clash and they're just constantly fighting.

So you are worried that you can't be friends, or you like, is it possibly? Like what's the what are you wanting to do with it?

So we are friends, However, I just find that when we go to catch up, I'm like, oh, it's going to be a bit dousing. You know, likes constantly the younger ones apart.

I feel for you, Sarah, because it's it's actually so hard, not only just like when you're a mum, and you're trying to find someone who parents in a similar way, has similar parenting values. I think a really big part of it being like enjoyable for the both of you is that your kids have to get along as well.

But can you not be friends outside of the kids, like you, I don't know if you guys have supportive families or partners or babysitters, but you can definitely have adult friends where you meet them for an early dinner or a wine or like, it doesn't always have to be involved with the kid dates.

Right, Yeah, maybe a mix of both.

Yeah, I mean you can always do a mix. But but it's hard, brit Like, I mean, I know for me, with the friends that I have who are mums that we hang out and they've got kids similar age, you really want to find friends where your kids also get along, because it just means that they can run off and play and you actually get to have an adult conversation.

I think they're just both similar personalities. So they're both like sort of stubborn, Whereas like my oldest son, he would normally give in and be like, Okay, you're gonna have the toy and my daughter, whereas my daughter's strong willed and she's at no way, I'm not giving into this. How old are they they're three. My daughter's three and her daughter's four, so a little bit of an age gap. But they're just both similar personalities.

I think, you know what, though, they might actually get better the more time they spend together, Like the more we're out of it, Yeah, the more exposure they have with each other, and the more that they start to realize that this isn't something that they get to opt in on. That they're gonna you know, they're going to be spending time playing together. They're going to see more of each other. You might find that they have their

Our advice is exposure therapy, just like throw them in, let them more lines for.

You and the other mom.

Yeah, definitely persist through it. Do you think I see.

To sacrifice a friend.

I just think even if she does become a friend that's not a kid date friend, and you get to see it once a fortnite for a catch up, maybe you're going.

For a walk together, whatever it is.

It is really hard to meet people as adults that you connect with and you want to spend time with. So I do think that sometimes you need to try and make yourself a priority. And I know I'm not a mum, but I know all of my friends that are moms don't prioritize themselves. It's a part of being a mum, like there's always someone or something else more important. But at the end of the day, you do need

Yeah, definitely, Sarah.

Thanks so much for the call, And for anyone who wants any advice next week, please go and enter your ask uncut on the wind page. We might get you on as well to answer your questions stuff being a parent it is, thanks Sarah. It's actually so hard and like it really is, trying to find the right mix of like a friend who you get along with and you vibe with, but also your kids get along impossible.

So in case you guys have missed it, I am getting married.

No, no one has missed it, Britt.

I just want to I want to let you know everyone, everyone who listens to the show and loves the show and knows you know.

We know, we're all so happy for you. But no one missed it.

The wedding is getting very very close, and I had a bit of a family get together on the weekend, and like I'd planned all the roles for everybody without actually speaking to them, you know, like how I'm like, okay, so the groom's been will bit the end, and then I'll have a flower girl and then I'm gonna have my nephew come down and then so I had everything planned in my head.

I finally see my nephew.

He's seven.

He's a great little kid, and I'm like, hey, Parky and he's like yeah. And I was like so excited thinking that he's going to be so toughed. And I was like, how would you like to have the most important role? I was like, you're gonna dress up and you're gonna walk down with your cousin. You're gonna hold his hand, and you're gonna be holding some really important things and then when you get down to the end, you're going to hand them to Uncle Ben.

Like I made this whole big thing. I was like, it's the most important role.

Of the day. So he was the ring bearer? Is that what you were asking him?

Well? Yeah, but I'm giving him multiple jobs, so he's not just the ring bearer.

He's like doing a couple of things.

Anyway.

I was like, so what do you think?

And I was expecting him to like hug me and like be like, oh, that's so fun and Dead.

Qui and all the families around Dead Qui and he looks up he's like, you know what, No thank you, dude.

And I said, I said, so what. He's like, no, thank you? And I said Oh.

In my head, I was like, does he understand that was a rhetorical question, like he's doing it.

I was like, what do you mean. No, He's like it's it's okay, but thanks for asking.

And he's a kid.

This is a kid who has been taught how to set good boundaries and I'm all for that. He's like, Brittany, Annie, Brittany, this is a boundary. And I don't want to be your ring bearer because that sounds like a shitty job. I'm not walking down holding my cousin's hand.

And his mom was like, Parker, you're doing it.

And he's like, oh, did he if you were a reason as to why you didn't want to do it? Did he say what? No, he didn't.

And he was so polite. It was just like saying, hey, are you hungry? To you on some chicken?

He was like no, thanks, Like that was it anyway. He came around at the end, but I just thought it was so funny. I was like, I can't force a kid, but I will bribe him.

Also, what do you do on the day if a kid gets stage fright? All they changed their mind.

Because oh, we had to not make him.

We had so many kids in our wedding, all of like the nieces and nephews were there, like my kids. And at the time, Maley was three and Lola was two, And that's a pretty big responsibility for a three year old and a two year old to walk down the aisle and be the flower girls.

And I will never forget.

I was sitting in the car so like my like the car that I was in had pulled up, and my sister had gotten out with all the children.

So she had three for five, six seven.

She had seven kids, two of them under two, and most of them were walking down the island.

She was kind of middle of the pack with these kids. And I'm looking from the car window and I just see Lola. She just veers off to the right. She's walking away. I think she saw a dark or something and she just starts walking.

I'm yelling from the car for someone to get Lola, and then half the guests turned around there to me, there's me.

Hanging out the window being.

Like, get La, La.

You can't trust him. You can't trust kids. They say, don't wait with kids or animals or both.

It's one of those.

Things where on the day you just have to accept that if there's a child that's upset or doesn't want to do it, then they don't do it.

And I'm absolutely not going to make him.

But it is big into football, like soccer, and I did have to pull out the bribes, and I said that Uncle Ben will teach him some football stuff if he can make it down the end safely. So I don't know if that makes me bad Auntie, I don't know, but I think we've got him there.

I mean, you're a parent that's like reached nirvana if you don't use bribery on your kids.

That's what I've realized.

It's kind of like it's number one is nice and number two is bribes, and then number three is telling them that they're doing it. That's pretty much all you've got. I It is not a new thing that most people who are dating have used online dating apps Think Tinder, think Bumble.

The criticism that's come with a lot of online dating.

Apps is that even though most apps are trying to kind of encourage things like fill.

Out your bio, answer questions.

About yourself add more value, people still seem to get caught up in looking at the pictures and making their decisions based on the way someone looks over the person that someone actually is on a dating.

App, which of course they're going to do that. That's like the first thing you're gonna look at. Whether you say you're not superficial, whether you say looks don't matter, Like when you are faced with a written bio and a picture of something, you're always gonna look at the person.

And I've done every app. I shouldn't say every app.

It in gone Grinder, but I've done most of the mainstream dating app Don't get me wrong.

I think that there are loads of people who are not superficially in their dating, Like I think that there are loads of people who don't have a specific type who date outside the box, et cetera. But you will be swayed when you do see a photo because I think the thing is is like, if you want to go into dating unbiased, the only way to do it is to not have any clue what that person looks like,

I think seventy two hours is the perfect amount.

Well, seventy two hours is a good amount of time to know if you've got banter with someone, Yeah, and know if you've got chemistry with someone.

You're not too deep that you can't divorce them.

You're not married. Yeah, it's not a marrit at first site situation.

But then it gets a bit awkward, right, If you've got seventy two hours of like proper banter, it's going really really well. When you release each other's faces and for some reason you really are not physically into it at all and you do want to call it quits. That's an awkward conversation.

Okay, But here's the kicker, right.

I think that it's a pretty good litmus as to how superficial you might be or how much you prioritize looks in your dating and in your relationships, because if you're having these great connections with people and then you're matching with them, and then you're seeing their photos and afterwards you're like, hmm, not even going to entertain a date, like if that seems to be your predetermined preset or like over and over and over again, I'd be like, maybe you need to date outside the box and try

I do think it'll stop.

The gamification though of dating and I think of dating apps, sorry, And I think it will increase more intentional dating because it's sometimes you go on dating apps for the validation, like you want to go on. You want to say, oh, these I've matched with all these hot people.

Yeah.

You to feel confidence, you feel.

Good about yourself.

You get to chat to a hot person briefly, whatever, someone you know, subjective that you think is hot. But in this it has to be more intentional because you're only going on there to put the effort in. You have to have the connection. You have to have the banter before you discover who are If you were dating, would you try and app like this, Yeah, I would, but just for the content, probably to bring it to you here.

Really I reckon I would not just for content. I would happily try it. I think I definitely got to a place in my online dating where I didn't trust my ability to make good judgments on people. So if I could match with someone and have like good bantering chemistry with them, I think it would have gone a long way.

Also, a guy who can make you laugh, Oh, that's it, that's all most women want.

Nah, that's a lie.

People say that there's plenty of people that can make you laugh that are not good catchers. Like, there's definitely more to that, but of course personality is everything. I would one hundred percent try this because I was exasperated by the online dating community. I was on there for so long that it was just the same people in there. I was seeing the same people on there, which means they were seeing me as well for like eight years.

She is again, Yeah she's back.

But I was like that.

I was like, oh, here he is again.

You actually get to know these strangers.

But don't in your area.

Yeah, totally. Don't you update your profile photo though. So it's different because that's the thing. I remember being on the dating apps for a long time, and it would be the people whose profile I.

Know you too well.

Doesn't matter if your updated profile, you know, you know, it's an updated profile.

Alright, Look, guys, if you were in the trenches of dating, this might be an app that you want to give it a try. It's called tribal I think I wish I thought of that. Yeah, I mean, yeah, I wish I thought of a lot of apps put it that way.