Hihart podcasts, hear more Kiss podcast playlist and listen live on the Free iHeart app. Now, being that it is Thursday, we have asked on cut, where you guys call up. We answer your deepest, darkest burning questions and we do our absolute best to answer them. Now, we've never had a question quite like this one. We've got Gabrielle on the line and she has just found out very recently that her husband has been cheating on her or having an affair. Gabrielle, Welcome to the show.
Hello, what's been going on?
How long have you been with your husband? And how long have you found out he's cheating on you?
Okay, so we've been together relationship for twenty nine years, wow, married three years, two kids, and apparently he has been having an affair for five years.
How did you find that out? Well?
On story short, normally his phone has been attached to him consistently. He happened to leave it in the kitchen one night and I heard a ding go off, so naturally I just picked it up, thinking nothing of it, went to hand it to him and obviously discovered a lovely naked woman on his phone.
Oh my god, Gabrielle. So, is it been a five year affair with the same woman? Yes? Wow? How long ago did you find out all this information?
Probably about four months ago.
So you're still probably really in the thick of all of it. Have you made any decisions? Are you wanting to stay? Are you unsure? Like what is happening for you?
Well, we are still living together, obviously. He claimed that they haven't actually been intimate together, which is my burning question. Do I believe that?
No?
And each morning I wake up, I guess and I go I'd love to talk to her. Also, is that the other question? I really have this craving to talk to this woman, which is nautil strange.
No, that's not I don't think that's strange at all.
Like this is someone that has infiltrated your life directly and indirectly for five years.
I mean, look, there are people who definitely have come back from infidelity in relationships, but only if their partner is really truthful and forthcoming about it all, Like if you if you are actually feeling like, Okay, I know I've got the information.
Now we can go to therapy together.
Things have changed, Like if there's no action in changing anything, then you're just and you're left with so many unanswered questions. And also when you are seeking answers to those questions, if you're being shut down or you're not getting closure or any of this, like you can't heal because you're expected to just believe what's being told to you from the person who's been lying to you for five years about something correct.
So is he still talking to her? Has he blocked her? Like? How is how where are things at now?
Well, apparently it's all been blocked. We haven't heard from her obviously. I think that the wall that blocks me now is he does still get quite defensive if you go to ask a question or talk about it and sort of says you should not be over it, but kind of be over it.
If that main No, that is rubbish, And.
I'm thinking the time frame for me is my biggest thing. It hasn't just been a couple of months. It's actually been five years. And yeah, we've been married, I've had a baby.
He was doing this at the same time that you were getting married, that you were walking down the aisle, or that you were choosing to have a baby together.
But also he doesn't get to do this to you and then tell you to get over it and move on like sorry, that's not how this works. He either has to be open and it's this goes now how you want it to go. If you want access to his phone and he wants to save the relationship, he gives it to you if you want to contact her and ask her if you want to know anything about that situation. He has to be willing to be completed
open with you. He doesn't get to gaslight you and now say you should be over this by now.
Yeah, look I agree with this woman.
Yeah, with children and thinking that my soul.
Yeah, GARYL I think I just yeah, yeah, I think.
You're totally in your right if you want to to reach out to this other woman to find out more of the truth, if you think that you might get more of the truth from her and that might give you some sort of lidity enclosure, you are absolutely in
your right to do that. And I also don't think that you're breaching anything in the relationship by doing so, because at the moment, it sounds like one of the big things that you can't get your head around is whether you're being lied to as to whether or not something physical happened or didn't happen, or whether it was just text messages.
You are not alone.
I think anyone who's in their car is listening to this right now would absolutely be saying, Okay. If that messaging has been going on back and forth, nude messages for five years, it's probably unlikely that nothing more happened. But you know what, even if nothing more did happen, that's still such a huge infidelity that's happened in your relationship for five years that you're allowed to navigate this how is best for you.
I think it's.
Been eating at me and I'm like, should I shouldn't I because.
I think I would call guys in this situation. What would you do, Britt?
I mean I have been in that situation.
I'm not married with kids, but you know, I was with someone for six years that had had a double life, and I did contact her and we spoke for hours and I got all the information. The difference was she didn't know I existed either, so we were both sort of in silo.
So this woman might not want to talk to you.
I think if you're going to go down that track, I would take a really gentle approach with her and just say, look, I just want to know.
I'm not going to have a go at you. There's nothing that's going to happen. I just want the information, like.
No, what's done is done at the end of the day. Yeah, it still eates at me. Is he really like, yeah, he's got a lot to lose, Gabrielle.
If you do speak to her, though, please give us a call and let us know what happens, because honestly, if I was in your situation, I would be calling.
That's where I would be at.
And you don't even need to tell your husband you're calling. To be honest, just just do it.
Just do it.
Yeah, I definitely wouldn't devolve information.
That's yeah, Please let us know how it goes.
We're all thank you very much. We're so sorry you're in this situation.