Well, at that time of the week, it's Thursday Therapy Thursday, Ask Guncut. It's what we do every week on our podcast, Life Uncut podcast where we answer your deep, dark and burning questions. Today we have Jess on the line, who is having some issues trying to merge her relationships with her friendship group and her husband. Hi, Jess, welcome to the show High Jazz.
So what's the problem.
What's been happening with your husband and why doesn't he want to hang out with your friends?
So I've been married for about a year and a half honest years now, and me and my friends were all lock and that tenn thirty this year. My husband cannot tolerate them. And it was fine at the start, but like now it's going to the point where he does not want to come to their thirtieth and just doesn't want to hang around and be there for anything any other big events. I'm a bit torn.
You can't tolerate them? Like how many friends? Are we talking? All your friends or just like specific friends.
Just specific friends, but a big bunch of them, like a big group of them.
Has he told you why? Like the specific reasons? Is it something they do or say? Is an action they've done in the past, or what is it say.
Very narcissistic and too richies and he doesn't mind. To be honest, I think it's just girls being girls.
In comparison though, if you're gonna go, like, if you're going to be objective about this in comparison to other friends and friendship groups that you have, are they.
Do you think they are?
Like?
Does he have a point a bit? That's tricky, isn't it.
That's tricky because for ages and you've like, I don't see them that way in a day to day basis.
It's tricky if you can recognize it, because it sort of means you have to validate his feelings like you can't he's not overreacting or if you can genuinely see where he's coming from. That's really hard. There definitely has to be some things I believe in life as couples that you do even when you don't want to, Like, there are things that you have to turn up to and front up to as a couple. Maybe they're like the bigger life events, not they're just like a Saturday
dinner or whatever. Like if you can't stand the people you're going to be around, you don't have to go things like weddings or engagements or a thirtieth or whatever it is. I think occasionally he needs to suck it up and throw.
You a bone.
I definitely think so too.
Does he have many friends that are women?
No, he doesn't. Actually, yeah, guys.
It's interesting because like I kind of hate the generalization of like, oh, that they're just bitchy because they're women. It's just how women behave because obviously not all women are like that. So I think if he had more female friends, I'd be like, oh, okay, you know, it's just a specific group of people. But if he doesn't really have any female friends and yet he's like quite exclusionary to the people that you're friends with, I don't know.
Part of me is like there does come a line where you do just have to make a bit of effort and yes, but.
There also comes a line where you're old enough where you're like, I don't want to hang out with someone.
I don't like it anymore.
My time and energy is precious. Like there's a I see both sides.
Yeah, but it's different.
I Mean, we kind of just covered it, but it's different between just going out for dinner or like someone's birthday or a big event.
I think for those types of things.
Unfortunately, he just has to suck it up if it's important, because if he really puts his foot down and puts zero effort in, wants nothing to do with them, and he makes that aware to them, it's just going to cause so many unnecessary issues for everyone.
Just have a question when you go to these events, like just so you go into a dinner, is he just coming along with like ten girls or are their partners coming to like have you thrown him in the deep end just on his owner?
Or there are the men there to talk to.
There's other men there too.
He doesn't like them, mother and my friends cousins, and.
He's fine with them, like you think so the fine and hear a complex me at home and he's like, oh they're so like normal and show I don't know how to deal with you people.
Oh I don't know. I feel like he's dramatizing. Suck it up.
Put him on the edge of the table, like the men can go down the end that way. He's turned up, But he doesn't have to speak to twenty one. He doesn't want to speak to you, but I think I think you need to give Hi a bit of leniency on the day to day stuff and just he needs to show up on those bigger things.
I think so too.
Thank you, You're so welcome, Jess.
Well, if you want to get some great advice like that, everyone, you can give us a call, or you can head on over to the kiss Win page where you can enter.
You can also win yourself a prize if you get on air with us.
You know, I don't really have to have that issue, like with my fiance Ben being overseas, we don't really cross contaminate our friendship groups. Like we just go in our own little world when we're together.
So when you are together, you will happily spend time with each other's friends.
It's not like I don't have many friends. Well, you should work on that, you're it. Unfortunately,