ASK UNCUT: "I think I've found The One... but he has a girlfriend"

Hi Heart podcasts, heem More Kiss podcast playlist and listen live on the free iHeart app. It is time for something we do every Thursday, and that is ask Guncut. It has become a staple of our podcast life on Cut and it's where you guys call in with your deep, you're dark and you're burning questions and even though we are completely unqualified, we do our best answer them.

We have Emily on the phone.

Hey Emily, Hi Emily, what's the problem?

Hi guys. Okay, So basically, there was a guy I dated, maybe like three or four years ago. Yeah, we were quite serious, but like we never like were boyfriend and girlfriend, and due to like careers and stuff in the sense that like I work a normal job and he would work weird hours, it just never eventuated and my work took me other places. Anyways, I just have never been able to stop thinking about him, like you think.

Easy kind of the one that got away.

Yeah, And the worst bit about it is I'm never one to like, I'm such a girl's girl, right, Like I would never do anything. But he has a girlfriend now and they've been together for a year, and I thought it would just go away.

But it's not have you dated other people and then it just doesn't feel right? Are you in a relationship now doesn't feel right?

I have dated other people in the past, I have had a relationship in those three to four years, and yeah, I was still thinking about him.

Do you have any contact with him?

This is so bad. I do swear. I swear such a girl's girl, like I would never move in on him. But we still chat. Yeah, here and there about like whatever's happening in the world, and like things I know he likes.

Okay, so does he I know he likes Does he ever give you the indication like, does he ever overstep the mark? Or is he giving you the indication that like, had it been different, he would have wanted it.

To work out.

So basically, back in October, we had like a drunk phone call and he was in a relationship at this time, and he said, oh, like we just didn't work out because our life paths didn't go that way. And he still thinks of me nicely. But he tells his partner everything and he's completely open with her and trusting with her.

That, Emily, I know what I mean, Yes I do, But I also just think that sometimes the fantasy is better than the real life. Like I think that you can build it up in your head and be like, he's the one that's got away if we had another chance, maybe he's my person, but sometimes they do get away.

But he's not your person.

He's got a girlfriend, so if he wanted to be your person, he would free up. He's a calendar that he hasn't done that, and he's definitely stayed committed in a relationship.

I don't know.

I kind of think there isn't much that you can do, and I don't know if I would be putting myself in the firing line of telling him how I feel when he's in a relationship.

But it doesn't agree with me, for it's looking at.

Me like she's NOSSA, this doesn't happen. No, I'm not saying that doesn't happen. Often, I genuinely don't know what to tell you because I am like a quite a romantic and I like the idea of like I do believe that there can be right people for each other at wrong times, Like I know people where that's happened.

I believe in that.

I do believe in going after what she want, but obviously within reason. I don't mean that about like being a homewreck and breaking up relationships. But it's if you genuinely believe someone is the one that makes me be Like if he was in a relationship, I'd be like, turn up to his house, like tell him. If he says he's not interested, it's fine, move on. At least you know that and you can put it to bed.

You are well.

I'm just saying she has not stopped thinking about him. She loves him, she thinks he's the one.

This is what I say, get a dog, no therapy.

I would say, Hey, really, honestly, I don't think we can maintain this friendship anymore. I still have feelings for you, so I don't think it's right, and I'm going to do the right thing by your relationship and me that way, you are being a good person and pulling back. As long as you commit to pulling back, you've also let him know why, which is like, my feelings are still there.

Then he can go and do with it what he will.

He'll either feel nothing for you and say like I understand and get on with your life, or he'll be like, wow, I've always felt the same way and didn't think she did, and then something problem.

Okay.

The problem I have with it is that no matter what you do, even if you do throw that out there and he goes and turns around and says like, oh now I have confused feelings. The amount of like back and forth because no one's going to receive that information and then instantly go, you know what, I have those feelings for you too. I'm going to break up with my girlfriend, move out of the house, and then we can start a consensual relationship together.

I'm not gonna cheat. I'm gonna be a stand up guy.

There's nowhere in between except for it to either be he agrees, and then there's cheating for him to get the validation that he needs in order to leave the relationship. He's not going to from a one line of you saying he's still got feelings, break up with his current girlfriend and move out of the house they live in.

Well she does need him in his life when he's a penguin.

No, there's more than one person for everyone you meet someone else, Emily.

What are you going to do? Whose advice you're taking? Lores on mine?

Part of me is still like do I just suffer in silence?

Just keep waiting, don't keep waiting, Just don't wait.

D'en Emily date other people I have?

I have none of them.

Oh, Emily, I do not envy you.

Good luck with this and make sure you us a call back and tell us how it all goes.

I will, Thanks girls, Thanks Emily,