Children and Babies (Part 1) - S1E2

You're listening to the Paul Young Podcast. We had a lot of noise down here. So since our first episode, since this is episode number two, and like we had a freezer that was making noise and some fans that were making noise, we took a clock and... Stuck it in a closet, turned everything else off. There's still electric sounds because of lighting and stuff like that. But, you know, I told you, not a high-end professional production podcast.

But I'm glad you're with us. We're going to start, it looks like, a few episode series. And that's because, you know, sometimes things are just on your heart and on your mind. And right now, for me... It's children. We're waiting for Amy to have her second child, Amy and Kevin. she's like four days past due so we're kind of on pins and needles about that so interesting you know um we don't even know the nature and character of that child

And we're already enwrapped. We're already in love. And love is, we're not talking about infatuation. Infatuation is not real love at all. Infatuation is not based on knowing. Real love is always based on knowing, you know, infatuation. It's like you have that high school crush and then you get to know them. Nothing like getting to know somebody that will destroy your infatuation. But... Love is the skin of knowing. Love grows because knowing grows. But even this baby that is in Amy's womb.

There already is a sense of knowing and the more we know that child and that child will emerge into the world our world and Already has DNA and genetics and family history and all sorts of things that that child did not choose. And as they grow, our knowing will grow.

and our love will grow. Have you ever had the experience where when you had a first child, and I'm talking to people who've had children, of course, but when you have your first child, you wonder if you're ever going to be able to love a second one. And when that second one shows up, it's like they brought with them a whole capacity to love that we didn't know we had. And it's because of the uniqueness of that child that calls out to us.

the uniqueness of the love that is forming. You know, I did this in the shack when Mackenzie in the cave scene is asked by Sophia, the wisdom of God, which child do you love the most? And it was also, I think it was also in one of the conversations in the kitchen scene. Anyway, it was in one of those two spots. And Mackenzie wisely answered, I...

I don't love any of them the most. I love them differently. And that's because they're different. They're unique. And the more you get to know that uniqueness, the more it calls out to you. It's like colors.

Can you imagine relationships that are wrapped in colors? And what if you could see them? Because we're so limited as human beings with the spectrum of light and the spectrum of color. They've said that... that if the entire spectrum was visible, that it would be like if you took a road, a highway from Los Angeles to New York, because I'm in the United States.

and you placed on it the amount that human beings can see, it would be about the size of a quarter of the entire spectrum of light and color. What if you could see? What if you could see a relationship? What if you were at your favorite coffee shop and you're with a friend?

someone you know, and you could see the colors of that relationship and the uniqueness of each of you emanating from each of you as different colors. And then somebody walks in that is also a friend and immediately, and when you notice them, Different colors would reach out and wrap them. And their colors would also, and the uniqueness of your relationship from their side, would also reach out and wrap you. I think that'd be very cool if we could do that.

So, babies. And children, I mean, children will assassinate our self-centeredness if we're healthy enough to receive it. And marriage will do that, or partnering, or, you know. One of my Linda friends said one day, they thought they were whole, and then they got married. And I was driving along, I was down in... the south to do a conference with richard roar and and cynthia bujo and um but i was driving with richard roar and some of you may know who he is but uh he says to me he says to me like

This might be a very strange thing coming from a celibate Franciscan monk, but I think the greatest gift that God ever gave the human race was marriage. And he said because marriage binds you into a relationship, using bind as a very positive word. It attaches you to a relationship in which it's not easy to run. Sadly, in our world, we tend to look at marriage like a contract where you have your escape clauses rather than a covenant.

which is what it was intended to be and but he says you know it has a way of pushing your buttons to the surface your stuff will come to the surface so that you know your self-centeredness and your egoistic self-protection and self-promotion but it has to be exposed so that healing is possible and I think relationships with children do that as well

And I know there are a lot of folks listening who have never had children, who have tried to have children, weren't able to have children. And it's a crushing grief. There are folks that never had the opportunity to have children. I get that. And so even for those of us who have not had the experience of having a child ourselves, we're still surrounded by children.

We're still surrounded by children in need. And there is something about our capacity to love and our capacity to be furious when a child is involved. And even in that, we forget that all human beings have a child within them, too. And so we have a capacity, when we forget that, to recognize that there was a child. Something happened. Like I said last time, we don't know the whole story. But a child, when that child is innocent, defenseless, innocent, defenseless is short-term, actually.

We've got a two-year-old grandchild that is right over in the house, not too far from the barn. And I'm telling you, she just passed two. And she is learning how to utilize. her skills to get people in our family, like her grandparents, like her grandfather, to do her bidding. I was, oh, this is a great story. We have a lot of grandkids. And when Vivian was little, she's now nine. I think she's nine. And when she was little, she got...

her mom and Amy, her mom Lexi and Amy, to play a game. And it was a go to sleep game or take a nap game. And so... She got Amy to climb into the crib with her. She was two years old. Climb into the crib with her. And then Lexi placed a blanket over them and, you know, shut the curtains and... turned the lights down, or turned them off, and then they were supposed to go to sleep. They were playing go to sleep. And then Lexi tiptoed out of the room and shut the door.

And Vivian turns to Amy and says, now we whine. Mom, mom. And I like, she opened up. the reality of billions of little children, you know. Now we whine. And again, you know, they learn how to play the games pretty quick. And yes, they're innocent, but they are learning to have a voice. And they're amazing. Children are amazing.

So I've been thinking a lot about children, especially because there have been some very difficult things with regard to children in our family lately. When Amy gives birth to this baby, and today is the day after Valentine's Day that I'm recording this, and it's going to drop in March, I know that. But it's the day after Valentine's Day, which is...

You know, for all the commercialism, it's still take a pause. Think about someone you love. Communicate that affection. Be grateful. I mean, it just has that little bit of a break. You know, a little bit of an invitation to gratitude. And we have, with Amy's, it'll be 16 living children. And it's always hard to answer the question, how many... How many grandchildren do you have? Because we have 16 living with Amy's birth, and we have two that were well along pregnancy before they were stillborn.

So do we have 18? Well, yeah, we have 18. And 16 that are living. I don't know how to answer that question. Last September... Both of our daughters, Lexi and Amy, were both pregnant at the same time, Lexi ahead of Amy. And they were so excited about it. They had thought a lot about what it would be like to have children together. Lexi and Josh really wanted a boy, but they didn't check. They did the we'll wait and find out thing, which is...

which I like, frankly. And Amy did the same thing, her and Kevin. So they were all excited about it together. And then 30 weeks into her pregnancy. Lexi's baby had died in the womb and for a while had a heartbeat but had stopped moving. And we don't know exactly what happened. It seems that there was some anomaly in the brain. But it was a wrenching experience. And I... My heart goes out to every parent who has experienced the loss of a child in utero.

And because it's not only the loss of a child, it's the loss of already the integration into the family and the excitement and the anticipation and the expectancy. That child has already become a gift. And it was incredibly wrenching. I mean, the older I get, and I think the more whole I get, the more I'm... expressive of my emotional side of being. But it had been years since I had cried that hard. And as a family, we grieved well. We really did. And it's not over.

I mean, especially for Lexi, there are days that she'll call and just say, can you come? Or can I come? I'm just having a hard day. And there's no timetable for such a thing. But we did grieve well as a family. We had a family burial service. In the line notes on the website, I'll... I'll post a little picture. Because little Keith William looked perfect. Looked perfect. And at 30 weeks, you know, that's well after a baby can be born.

And he looked perfect. And we took him with his little box to the grave site. And there were all these kids running around. which is really a beautiful sight you know you see children full of life running through the graveyard playing in the graveyard and you see like life is bigger than death But when we did the burial, every child put their hand on top of that wooden box and traced their hand. Lexi traced their hands. And they put their names there and ages. They were part of it.

And then when the dirt was shoveled, every child, every adult, every cousin, everyone there took a shovel full of dirt with help for the younger ones.

and dropped it onto the box. This is participation. And then we did something that I don't know if I've ever even heard of, and that is for the community of relationships, we had a celebration of life, and Lexi was able to... through her experience and where, in the middle of all this grief, she found solace in being able to see the comforting activity of God.

In the midst of this, little things and big things like being able to have the birth at home where the doctors and the professionals said, yeah, there's no reason why we couldn't. And the midwife. who is very gentle about her relationship with doctors and nurses and the hospital and things like that. She is the one that said, is there any reason we couldn't? And they allowed it. They thought it was okay. And that became really important. It became important to hold that little baby.

even though we knew that he was gone. And a priest, a friend of Lexi and Josh's, heard Lexi's story and said, you know, Lexi, The picture that I have is that you moved from being the mother to being the midwife who delivered this baby into the hands of God. And Lexi talked about that, and we all cried a lot. You know, as you can hear, I'm not quite over that yet. Probably never will be. But that's good. That's part of my humanity.

And Josh talked about it, and one of our grandchildren had written a beautiful poem of encouragement in the middle of this. So, so many things happened in the course of that. And we grieved well. All the little miracles. And Lexi said, you know, she had an invitation, which would have been okay, because it might have taken some time. she'd have found her way out she had an invitation to drop into the abyss to just isolate herself and become disempowering and she made the choice not to

She didn't have any struggle with the questions of why God? She didn't put the blame at God's feet. She knows that we live in a world that has been already damaged by our choices.

And God so highly respects the human person that God will not obliterate our personal agency. So, for now, that's part one. of this conversation about children and babies. I've got quite a bit more that I want to talk to you about. And so I invite you back to the next podcast and we'll see you then. Thank you for listening. If you would like to connect with us with inquiries, comments, suggestions, stories, and more.

please go to paulyoungpodcast.com. There you're going to find resources and any notes related to any particular podcast. Today, participate with love, do the next right thing. and trust the ripples.