¶ Introduction to the Fourth Pillar of Mental Fitness
Today we are talking about the fourth pillar of mental fitness, and that is all about connection. One of the most powerful things we can do for our mental health is also one of the most natural, and that is just simply bang with another human being. And yet we seem to be doing less and less of this. Loneliness isn't an all time high. We aren't connecting in meaningful ways, at least not often enough. We're living in a time
¶ The Decline of Genuine Human Connection
where connection often means followers and likes or belonging to a social media tribe, and this is confusing us with the real thing. We're working harder. We're striving for success, money, recognition, influence, but in prioritizing those things, we're sometimes forgetting what actually sustains us, and that is people, not digital versions of people, but real, embodied, honest relationships. And we need these relationships.
We need these connections to survive. And that's a big part of why so many people feel disconnected right now, even while we're constantly digitally connected, because too often the screen that we're staring at has become more important than the person in front of us. And I think we're all guilty of that. But the good news is there
seems to be a bit of a shift happening. More people are waking up to the fact that strong relationships are imperative to their lives, and they are a foundation or one of the foundations to mental fitness, and we can choose, we can choose to lean into them. So
¶ Personal Anecdotes on Connection
I grew up in the seventies and eighties, and I remember my mum would go on a Saturday morning and she'd gone knock on the door of her friends' houses unannounced. As far as I know, it was unannounced, and she'd just rock up for a coffee, and I'd go with her and we'd be welcomed in like family. Now. I don't know if many of you have your friends just knock on the door randomly to see if you're around for a coffee, but I know somebody did that. Now I would probably think it was a bit strange, but
that's what was normal back then. And the other one I was thinking of is my brother would every practically every time he came home from school, he would then be out the door and he'd be meeting the neighborhood boys. They'd jump on their bikes and they'd disappear for hours. And that we would walk to the local milk bar and we'd chat to the owners and we'd spend twenty cents on mixed lollies and they waited patiently for us
to decide which ones we were going to choose. And if you're the same as man you grew up in that ear, you would know what I'm talking about. There were a lot of these micro connections, so they weren't big moments, but they were moments of connection, and whether we knew it or not at the time, they really mattered. Well, we seem to be losing that. And it's not just about family and friends. I think it's about community. So
¶ The Importance of Micro Connections
this morning I went to the local market and I decided intentionally to create a few meaningful micro connections. So I made a conscious decision as to how I was going to show up at the markets. I was on my own, so I started with chatting to the man who was collecting the gold coins for who was raising money for Rotary, and we just chatted for just even
like it was ten seconds. If that just about the weather, and I could have just thrown in the coin and kept walking, but we had just chitchat about how good the weather was and the fact that he had the prime position sitting in the sun. And then I asked the guy selling the sourdough bread that we always get, and I will take this opportunity to give a shout out to Flinda's sourdough because if you're ever in Flinder's, you've got to go there on the morning to Peninsula.
It's the best sourdough bread. But I knew that he had a newborn, so I was asking how his baby was. And then I smiled and I said hello to a few people just I was walking by. And these micro connections, they really matter. They have a physiological effect. So we release oxytocin and dopamine and serotonin and it literally boosts our mood and regulates our stress. And so it's a win win for everyone involved. But to create those we
¶ Encouraging Real-World Interactions
need to do something simple, but something that seems to be really hard at the moment, and that is to put our phones away. And we need to encourage our kids to put their phones away. I often see kids walking or at the bus stop with their heads downstairs at their mobile phones. And I even say, I've even seen a boy around this neighborhood who walks his dogs
staring at his phone. And this isn't a criticism. I don't know what their situation is, but it's just a general example of what could be a missed opportunity for them if they put their phones away and just looked up a moment to connect, connect with others, connect with the world around them. So I'm going to suggest a
¶ Reflecting on Daily Connections
journaling exercise to reflect on your daily connections. And this is based on a Japanese reflection exercise called n I Can. It does have three questions, but for now, I'm going to suggest that you just ask two of these three questions, and if you do decide to do this, you'll be able to notice as you go about your day the small and big, meaningful connections that you make. So the questions are the first one is what did I receive from others? And the question is what did I give
to others? So don't just focus on your inner circle here. So like your inner circle stuff could be like your husband made a cup of tea for you, or your children gave you a hug, but also focus on the wider community. So for example, you may have received a warm hello from the person who took your coffee order, or someone may have let you in the queue before them, or maybe somebody just simply smiled at you, and then
the question what did I give? Maybe you put down your device when your child started talking to you about something that they considered really important and you gave them your full attention. Or maybe you were playful with your partner and you made them smile. Or maybe you smiled at a stranger or told your barista that they make the best coffee in town. It doesn't matter how big or small. You just write down these little micro connections
of what you gave someone else. So it's a really good way to reflect on how much you connect with others during the day and how it made you feel Meaningful connections make us feel good, and knowing that it also makes other people feel good makes it even more meaningful.
¶ Conclusion and Weekly Challenge
So that's it for this week. Let's ramp up our meaningful connections and encourage our kids to do the same. And I hope you all have a great week and I'll catch you next week. Sia