The Road Back to Your Higher Self

We are here live and , in effect , oh boy , oh boy , we're going to talk about desires today . I know everybody has desires . Everybody wants something . We all want something , even if you don't want something . That means you want what you don't want . So we all got something that we want , even if you don't want anything .

You want something right now , but we don't realize where that desire comes from . We don't realize why we have the desires . Then we don't realize that , if we have the desires , that means too good , god Almighty , we've got to get started . Okay , that would mean that you had the capability as well .

You see , you can't desire something that you don't have the capability of bringing into this physical reality . Do you hear what I'm saying ? You cannot desire something and not have the capability of bringing it into physical reality . The two come hand in hand together .

Now we could go and look at things that human beings have created in this physical world that had been invented . Let's just look at the airplane . We could get into a whole other conversation of whether or not aircraft existed long before Wilbur and Orville . We're not going to get into that . That's a little deeper topic .

Was there aircraft that could defy gravity before the early 1900s ? If you ask me , I'm gonna say yes , but that's a whole another topic . Okay , but think about this these two men who were bike smiths . They were bike smiths . I don't know , you know , if you know what a bike smith is . A bike smith is somebody who builds bikes and fixes bikes .

That ain't got nothing to do with defying gravity . Okay , the bike is arguably the most gravitationally challenged thing in this whole entire physical universe . It stays on the ground . Now , unless you're the Wicked Witch , from what is that the Wizard of Oz ? Didn't she have a bike ? She rode on a bike that could fly right . Or maybe that's ET , I don't know .

You get what I'm saying , but my point of this is this Maybe the both of them did . Yeah , the both of them had it . Yeah , et and the Wicked Witch . So when I think of the Wicked Witch , I think of Elphaba . You see what happens . You see how my squirrel brain's going all over the place . Now I don't even remember what I was going to say .

Now Let me go back to the regular schedule . These bikesmiths , wilbur and Orville Wright we have to think about it like this they weren't pilots , they weren't airplane mechanics , they weren't anything that had anything to do with what they were creating , what they were inventing . Do you see how this works ? Oh , good god , almighty .

You mean to tell me somebody who had no Previous Certification good , god , almighty . You mean to tell me somebody who had no previous certification , no previous qualification , no previous proof of creating a structure that could defy a gravitational , literally a law of physics . You mean to tell me they had no proof that this could be done , other than the idea .

Let me go ahead and stop there , because I don't think you're picking up what I'm dropping off right now . I don't think you understand what I'm saying right now . They created something that would have to be flown by a pilot , but neither of them were pilots .

They created something that had never been created before , so they had no frame of reference , they had no context , they had nothing to say . Oh well , yeah , my grandfather was a pilot , so , yeah , I could probably build an airplane . There was nothing . So this is why I tell you if you have the desire , you better write that mother down .

If you have a goal , you better write it down . If you have a dream , you better write it down . You know why you better

write it down ? Because you're going to forget . Here's why you're going to forget Because the conscious mind is going to take over at some point , the logical , linear , egoic thinking mind that's going to think yeah , but how are we going to do this ? You better write it down because here's what I see , what happens with a lot of people .

We have a dream , we have a goal , and if this is , you go ahead and holler . If you hear me , right now , you have a dream and you have a goal , but as soon as you come up with it , you start thinking about how am I going to do this ? You start thinking about , well , what if it doesn't happen ?

You start thinking , well , if I fall short , what is everybody going to think about me ? And then what do you do ? You go ahead and forget about it . You go ahead and throw it in the closet , sweep it under the shelf . Matter of fact , you don't even throw it in the closet , you throw it out in the street and then , guess what ?

Somebody else gets that dream , somebody else gets that idea , and then they go and do it . And now you over here looking like this . I can't believe they just did what I wanted to do . I was the one who wanted to do that . I can't he over here saying all this stuff . I was going to say stuff , so it sounded good .

He over here , she over here , I was going to be . But do you see what ends up happening ? We use one part of our brain to pull it down and then we use another part of our brain to construct it . But where we get in trouble is when we flip them .

You try to use the logical , linear mind to pull it down and then you don't even use the one that was the dreamer , the one that was intuitive , the one that came from the spirit , the one that comes from outside of space and time .

We don't even use the one that was the dreamer , the one that was intuitive , the one that came from the spirit , the one that comes from outside of space and time . We don't use that one , but that was the most important one . So when we start understanding where our desires come from it will allow you to treat them like a newborn baby baby .

When I have a goal , when I have a dream that comes to me and I can feel it in the core of my soul , I know that this is coming from the real me , the infinite me , the I am , the immortal me , the part of me that is having this physical human experience that exists outside of space and time , and it just wants to see what it's like from this

perspective as a human . It's coming from that meaning . It's sending the message , it's sending the telegram , it's sent the email , it's sent the text message down into this conscious body saying I want to try this so we can see who we can become . I want to see what this is like .

I want to go out there and branch off and see who would I have to become in order to do that . So I know when a desire , when a dream , comes in , I don't question how . That's the first mistake . Please , and thank you , do not try to figure out how at the beginning of your journey .

If you try to figure out how , you ain't going to do nothing in the now , you're going to stay right where you're at , because as soon as we do this , the ego's like okay , okay , if we figure out how , then that way we'll be comfortable and that way we'll be safe and that way we'll have certainty and that way I'll be alive .

And that's all I wanted to do . Anyway . I don't want to become something new , because if I become something new , then I'll have to die . And if I die , then what ? But instead , maybe we realize that our desires are just things that are trying to help us to continue to grow . Good God , almighty , y'all stay with me .

I'm going to drop something on you Every time that you have desire . Do we not realize that this is your spirit , having a prompt saying here's your chance right now , here is your opportunity to grow . And here's what I mean by that . We're going to do something that has never been done . You're going to have to become somebody that you've never been .

You're going to have to let go of those old frequencies of poverty , of scarcity , of shame , of guilt , of fear . You're going to have to let that go , because if you don't let go of that , we can never bring this into physical reality .

So we're going to have to become something that we've never been , but that's going to be scary for that version of us that we thought we were ? Did we not realize that that was just a skin that we had become accustomed to ?

That was just a container . Good God , almighty . You know , I just learned something . I don't even know what it's called . I don't even know what it's called , but you see , when a snake starts to shed its skin , y'all ain't trying to hear nothing .

I'm saying I'm hoping right now you can pick up what I'm dropping off intuitively , because I'm about to drop something on you right now . Do you know that a snake sheds its skin when it outgrows that skin ? Do we know that ? Everybody knew that ? Yeah , we all knew that . But do you know , while it is shedding its skin , it is also blind .

Do we not know when we are shedding our skin , meaning we are leaving our old life and we are moving into the new one ? If you don't have chills , you might as well go ahead and turn this podcast off and go find your new one . Do we not realize when we are going into a new phase ? We are transitioning from the old frequency into the new frequency .

Sometimes we call this the liminal space . You know , we did a podcast on this . Sometimes we go through this phase and we're blind . We don't see what's next . We don't see who we're going to become . We think we have an idea . I'm sure that snake has an idea that it's going to be the same snake , it's just going to be in different form .

You're still going to be the same person at the essence of you , but you're going to come across a little bit differently . You're going to be coming from a place of abundance , from a place of love , from a place of joy . You're not going to be coming from the place of fear , of scarcity , those old programs that were from the 1950s , that were passed down .

You're not going to be coming from that anymore , but you're still going to be the same snake . So the reason why I'm saying this , and when I started to learn that snakes do have they go through this phase where they're blind , when they're transitioning from this new skin , I said oh , how many .

Every time I've gone through a new phase of life there's been a new iteration , there's been a new version of me , and I know it because I go through a hardship , I go through a struggle and I say this is the portal , this is the pain , portal to my progress . So I say it with me . This is my pain , portal to my progress .

I know that every time I go through that , there's a space where I'm like how am I going to get there ? Why did I do this ? Am I even going to make it ? And we forget our desires . But please hear me when I say this . This is when we'd start or we stop trying to walk by sight and you walk by faith .

They're not trying to hear nothing I'm saying right now . They're not trying to hear nothing . I don't need my eyes to be able to see . When I say eyes , I'm not talking about your physical eyes . I don't need to see any proof of the desired reality for me to hold the frequency of the desired reality .

Because I realize this universe only gave me one responsibility . It said in order to see it , you're going to have to be it . In order to be it , you're going to have to feel it . So until I feel this , until I feel this , it's only going to be a desire , and as long as it's a desire , it's going to be outside of you .

You see , this is the way I understand the language of this universe . Universe gives you the desire , but it needs you to turn that into knowing it needs you to turn that into being . As long as we desire something , you ain't never going to get it . As long as you desire something , that means you don't have it .

Nobody here desires to have a shirt on their back because we have a shirt on the back , but if we didn't have a shirt on our back , we would desire to have a shirt on the back . So the reason why I'm saying this there's a transaction that's taking place . There's an energetic exchange . You think you want the desire .

The desire was given to you by your higher self . The desire came from outside of space and time and it dropped into your consciousness . That was the first transaction . The spirit says here , here is the desire that will keep you in alignment for what your life's journey , what you agreed to before you incarnated .

Here is the desire that will keep you in alignment for what your life's journey , what you agreed to before you incarnated . Here is your desire .

And then here we are in this old , crusty , dusty , three dimensional reality and we over here thinking , oh , I want that new car , I want that new house , I want a new relationship , I want him to like me , I want a new relationship , I want him to like me . But really you don't really want what you think you want .

No , you don't really want what you think you want . You don't want the physical thing . You wanted the newer version of you . That's actually what you wanted . But if we're still living through this three-dimensional reality , we think it was the physical thing .

If you was hard-headed like me , growing up and I say growing up , I'm talking about in my 30s , I'm not talking about when I'm 30 . I'm talking about in my 30s If you were hard-headed like me , I thought I wanted the house and the car and all these things .

And then you realize , oh , I don't really want that , because when I got that , I was over it within the next week . I really wanted the version of me , of who I would have to become , and that's all . That's all the desire was for . Do you hear what I'm saying ? I don't think you understand what I'm saying .

It was like a dangling carrot to get you to get back to yourself . Good God , almighty , the universe put the carrot of desire in front of you . So you would say , oh , my goodness , I want that new car .

Well , in order to get that new car , you realize , you won't have to become somebody you've never been , because nobody in your family has ever driven a car that would cost that much . And you still have power scarcity programming that says otherwise . It says that you can't ride in that car .

So it will use that desire to get you to become someone that you have never been Meaning . You're going to have to start to shed that old skin Meaning your ass is going to have to be blind for a little bit . I'm sorry if you got children . I didn't mean to say the cuss word , but you understand and you see what this is for .

The desire is to get you To the part of you , sorry , to the next iteration of you . So here's the key you don't actually want the desire , but instead you want the internal state . You believe the desire would put you in , but I'm telling you , you can beat the game If you realize that the external thing just represented an internal frequency .

And now I can start to create the frequency , because this unbelievable source , creator , god , allah , brahman , whatever you refer to it at it has equipped us with the ability and the capability to manufacture our own frequency . Do you hear what I'm saying ? You can manufacture the internal state of being that was being represented by this physical thing .

I don't need the physical thing , I can literally create this myself internally . And then here's the beauty of it , good God , almighty . When you create it internally , and then here's the beauty of it , good God , almighty , when you create it internally , the universe will then say she's it , she's it , she's it . She is the thing that she desired .

And if she is the thing that she desires , we know that she don't want it no more . We know that she don't want it no more . And if she doesn't want it , this is when we can give it to her , because we are a vibrational match . This is what we call oneness , folks . This is what we call oneness .

On a deeper spiritual , metaphysical meaning , you start to realize that you and your reality were never separate , but it was being the outside , was matching the inside . So I have to only focus , focus , focus , focus , focus

on my internal state , that that desire , reality , that the desire represented . And if I can do that , I can have it . Not have it the way you think , sorry , not physically , energetically . I have it . And here's the weird thing I don't want it anymore . I don't have a desire . I don't have a desire anymore .

I know I said I wanted it , but I don't want it . And then , all of a sudden , this thing will lead to that and something will lead to this , and then it will fall right in your lap and this is why I told you to make sure you wrote down that desire and that goal , because it will come to you when you least expected it , when you least wanted it .

Do we understand how this works ? I will have whatever it is I no longer desired , and this is where we have to understand the language of this universe . Humans think having equals , possessing , physically possessing that isn't the way this universe works .

Having represents to the universe by being I saying this to you , your job , your responsibility is really only to vibrationally possess what it was that you were looking to create , and it costs nothing . This is the cool part . You do realize . It costs you nothing . It's free , it costs nothing .

I can literally go sit at a park every day and just sit here and imagine wow , I'm sitting in my expansive backyard . I have my two Cane Corso dogs running around . That one's name is T'Challa and that one's name is Killmonger . Wait , no , I'm not going to call them Killmonger . It's probably not a good idea , but anyway , they Black Panthers .

You see what I'm saying . I can sit here and do this all day long , and here's the deal . Nobody knows that I'm doing this . They think I'm just enjoying the sun . They think I'm just trying to tan or something . But the universe knows , god knows , source knows , the Creator knows . Oh , wow , look at her . Look at him . Look at him being that version who .

We ever so gently placed that desire upon him . We put that prompt . Yes , she wanted to start that business . We went and go and put it in there . We placed it , nestled it right there in her subconscious . Yes , she forgot about it , but there it is starting to blossom . So why am I saying this to you right now ?

This is why we have to take the barriers , the boundaries off , because your desires had no boundaries . We call desires , dreams , goals . You had no boundaries . You had none . I told you about World War and Orville Wright . Imagine if they had boundaries , if they had limitations . How in the world can we create something new ?

How can we do something that's never been done ? If there's a boundary , if there's a limitation , it can't be done , it can't happen . Look at what you've accomplished in your life . Look at what you've done . I want you to sit here and think about something that you didn't think could happen , and it happened in your life . Can you think of one thing ?

Can we think of one thing ? One thing I don't know Maybe you were born prematurely and the fact that you're alive right now you can hear this , that was the one thing I don't know . Just think of one thing .

Okay , now I want you to think about what you had to go through in the evolution and the change that took place in order for you to become who you are today . Was there change involved ? Was there growth involved ? Was there pain involved ? Ah , yes , so you're getting the framework .

Now You're getting the blueprint of how alchemy takes place , how transformation takes place . It's through this uncomfortableness , it's through this transformation , this liminal space , it's through this pain . It's through all these things . I told you the last podcast I was talking about when I took my son on that five-mile jog . That's why I did this .

I consciously put him in a position that would force him to shed a skin and while he was shedding , he was blind . He couldn't see . He didn't know why he was doing this . He couldn't see from the beginning . He couldn't see from the beginning . He couldn't see the end , but this is what I'm telling you .

I don't think I'm any better than anybody , I'm just telling you I pay attention more to life than probably , most probably to a fault . Maybe I got OCD when it comes to psychoanalyzation , but I will tell you this . There is one thing that I have realized that happens in every person's life over and over and over and over .

There is this stage of when the desire comes in , the belief that it's possible , shows itself , the actions being taken . There's always this phase when it looks like it's not going to happen , when it always looks like sorry . There's a point when it looks like there's no way this is possible .

How , how , how , how , how , how , how , how , how , how , how , how , how . And this is what we start giving energy to , and here's what ends up happening . Most of us will give up , some of us will take a pause . Very few of us will keep moving forward . Have you ever had a dream ?

I had a dream the other night where I couldn't move , like I was trying to like walk , walk and I couldn't move . I'm like man , what , the what is this ? I'm not even in quicksand . I'm like trying to pick my legs up , like what is this ? Why is this happening right now ?

And I realized on a deeper subconscious level , there's a part of me who feels stuck , that I need to tend to . But when you start to think about your life , it's not about whether or not you're moving forward . It's about the energy behind when you are moving forward . So am I doing this from a place of faith ?

Am I doing this from a place of courage , or am I doing this from a place of fear ? Now , all of these things will come up to show you when you have a desire , get dropped into you . So , for all of us this is why this matters I'm going to tell you your higher self used desires that you have to lead you back to it .

Okay , okay , I don't think you understand what I'm saying right now . I don't think you get it . Let me say this in layman's terms your higher self Is playing a game of hide and seek With you right now . You forgot what you were . It sprinkles in these desires to make you think you want that physical thing and you're like , ooh , I want that car .

Wow , and a higher sales like this mother . He over here , thinking he want that car . He don't want that car . He over here . Really , he trying to get to me . He's trying to get to me . Hey huh , say what ? Metatron , listen , he thinks he wants the car , this car . I know he's hardheaded , I know y'all been showing him one , one , one .

I know I already know I've been trying to tell him three , three , three , two , two , forget it . We don't even realize that we don't want the physical thing . We really are going back to our self , self with a capital , capital S . Remember what self was .

Self was another word for spirit , higher self , the breath of God , the essence of you , the I am , the part of you that exists , is out of space and time . This is what you're trying to get back to . So every time that you have a desire , this is an opportunity for you to remember yourself Say it with me .

Every time that I have a desire that prompts in me , whether it's an entrepreneurship , whether it's a new car , whether it's anything that you desire , that is an opportunity for you to remember another part of yourself .

So this is why I'm telling you please hear me when I say this Any dream that comes to you , no matter how quote , unquote , big it may feel , honor that , honor that If you are a big dreamer right now . I salute you because you didn't come into this existence to play small .

If you have big dreams , please hear me when I say this the only reason why they're big is because you're going to see a huge part of your higher self that you didn't even know existed . Your dreams will be in direct correlation to the level of your higher self that you're going to assume in this physical experience .

So this is why I'm telling everybody dream as big as you motherfuckers can . Dream as big as you can , because the bigger your dream , the more of yourself you're going to get to remember . Now there's small fine print at the bottom here . When you have big dreams and I say big , big is obviously relative , please know that

you're going to go through some shit I just go ahead and say that , alex , I just need to go ahead and put that out there . I don't want you to make you think well , derek told me I would dream big , but he ain't telling me it was going to be hard . Well , look , I'm telling you right now , small fine print , the part that we don't read , that part .

This is just kind of like an insurance policy fine print . Right , the part that we don't read right that part . This is just kind of like an insurance policy , I guess you could say . The universe wants to basically collect collateral to ensure that you don't just get it and you don't grow .

Okay , because that was the transaction , I will show you what you desire so you can create and bring heaven into earth and experience this physical reality the way you desire . But in return , because you and I are the same thing , I want to see what it's like to be you .

I want to see what it's like to experience the polarity of fear , the polarity of shame and guilt . I want to see what it's like , and this is why we go through it . So the reason why I'm saying this to you right now is , please know that all of this is a part of this human experience , and I'm telling you from firsthand .

Look , let me tell y'all something . Okay , I'm gonna go ahead and say this . I didn't tell y'all this story , but I'm gonna go ahead and tell it . Okay , I had this dream , this desire to go back to my old stomping ground , to where I lived . I want to go back to New Jersey . I haven't been back to New Jersey since 2007 .

We're looking at 18 years since I went back and I'm like , ooh , I can't wait to go back . I want to go back so I can see the parts of me that live there and I can go back and collect them and go on this soul reconnaissance mission and I can find all these old parts of myself . Man , what the was I thinking ? You tell me . But here's the deal Ready .

Here's how it showed up . I had this desire . I'm like I want to bring my family . I used to play basketball there in the summer league . I want to take my kids . It's my dream to always bring my family back here . So I went ahead . I went all out . This is the way my this is . I'm gonna let y'all in my world . I went ahead .

I invited my parents , my in-laws , of course , my immediate family , my son's whole basketball team . I'm over here inviting everybody , and I see I have a history of that now that I think about it . True story .

When I was nine years old , my dad used to always tell me James , if you listen to this , you know I was going to say this because I'm still holding you to this but he used to say like , oh yeah , we'll go do this , we'll go do that . And then we wouldn't go do it . Well , one day he told me we were going to go to Chuck E Cheese .

I said , ok , we're going to Chuck E Cheese and you have a habit of saying you'm going to go tell every kid in this neighborhood and you're going to take all of us . I went and got all seven of my friends in the neighborhood . We showed up . We had nine . We were like nine , eight years old .

One kid , michael Peterson , showed up with a hundred dollar bill . My dad was like what are you doing all this money ? My dad was like man , what the ? And he we laugh about it now , but he's like we had to go because you brought all of these kids and they told their parents . So point is we went to Chuck E Cheese .

But I started to realize I have this habit of wanting to include everybody in my adventures and things . I want to share it with everybody . So I live in Indiana now . I lived all over the place , traveled to 70 different countries , the globe trials . I understand other places .

There's not too many things that I don't understand when it comes to locations around the world . But here's what I've learned People in the Midwest , and I love people in the Midwest . I'm a Midwesterner through assimilation , I guess but people in the Midwest usually don't leave the Midwest . People in the Midwest usually don't get to go to New York City either .

Well , I thought it would be a good idea to take 20 plus people to New York City from the Midwest , and I was the only one who's ever been to New York City . Now I'm going to let you go ahead and figure out that equation . I all of a sudden became a tour guide .

I all of a sudden was responsible For 20 plus Indianians In the heart of New York City and Times Square . I knew something was up , I knew I was and , mind you , before we went to New York City , I was feeling good . I was feeling good . I went to the Princeton Summer League , got to play , played , played great , got inducted into the Hall of Fame .

My family was there . I got to see my old trainer . I got to see all my high school coaches . I got to see all these people . It was fantastic and I was like dang , this is so great . Coming back , I realized , I realized what this was . This was me at age 42 , going back to the place where I live , 16 through 25 .

And I'm looking at me right now from the past saying , wow , you became exactly who you thought you could be . You did it . Now , this is the first two days and I'm like yo , this was the best . I should have done this earlier . Why did I wait so long ? Now we go to New York City and I've ridden a train in New York City from New Jersey .

I can't tell you how many times we were on this train . And all of a sudden we're riding and I start to feel the train jolt and I hear this banging around . I'm like what is this ? Did we just hit a deer ? And then I start to see debris and I'm like did we just hit a tree ?

And I look out the window and I see the cable that's attached to the thing atop up top on the train had broke , it had busted . I'm like , oh , my goodness , we over here might derail . I don't know what's going on . And Carly's looking at me . She's like is this normal ? I'm like , no , it ain't normal . It ain't normal on any train .

You see that thing hanging right there . That ain't good . So anyway , before I know it , we stopped on the tracks . 90 degree weather , no air conditioning in the train now no electricity . I got 20 plus people looking at me like what do we do ? Is this normal ? Is this what happens ? And they have no idea .

So they're like la , la , la , this is cool , we're on the track . I'm like , no , this ain't cool . It's going to get hot in here in a minute because everybody , all of a sudden my father-in-law comes up . He's like man , we can't sit back there . Somebody didn't put deodorant on and this heat is starting to get to him now .

I said , yeah , welcome to the Northeast , but anyway , we have to get off that train to get on another train . And then we get on that train and they tell us , oh , you have to get off this train because you have to get on the next . And I'm like what in the world ? So now I'm realizing this was way more than what I thought it was going to be .

How many times has this happened ? You have a desire , you have a goal that you get halfway along there and you're like man , what in the world was I thinking ? I bit off way more than I can chew . You mean , I said I said I wanted to start a business . I didn't know I was gonna have to do taxes and all that . I just wanted to make money .

Nobody told me I was gonna have to sit here and keep the books . Nobody told me I was gonna have to do payroll . I just wanted to make . I wanted to do what I love to do and make money doing it . I didn't know how to do all this , but anyway , we're at this point . I'm like yo , what is this going on ? So , wow , we had this whole plan .

We're gonna go to this diner that me and Carly had went to I don't even know what part of New York . It was in Midway Diner . Shout out Midway Diner If you've ever been to Midway Diner , if you haven't been go to it . So , anyway , we're all going to meet there and then we're going to go to Times Square . So we get off .

We get off in Madison Square Garden . Now , mind you , it's 20 of us , excluding the grandparents . Okay , alright , we have my parents . My parents have been in New York City , and then we have Carly's parents . Those are the grandparents . You tell me why , when we got off in Penn Station , we couldn't find them and you know , I love them and I called my dad .

I'm like Dad , where are you ? He said . I'm sitting right here in front of Krispy Kreme . I said well , what else is around you ? He said there's a Dunkin' Donuts , there's a Hudson News newsstand right there . And I said , well , I'm standing in front of Krispy Kreme Hudson News station newsstand and the other one , I'm standing right here in front of it .

I don't see you , he goes . Well , I'm standing here . So I'm sitting here looking at him . I'm like , no , you're not , you're somewhere else right now . You probably ain't even in New York . You probably went to Vermont or something I don't know where , because they had to sit on another train . And I'm like where in the world are they ?

Well , this is so funny , right , I'm sitting here saying

he's not here , he's somewhere else . He's sitting here saying , yes , I am here , and we're experiencing two different realities . So I said you know what I'm going to do . I'm going to call my mother , my mother . In times like this , she's the one who has the grounded voice . I said let me call her Mom . Where are you at ?

She says , well , I went to the bathroom . Which bathroom ? Where ? Which bathroom ? There's 50 bathrooms in here , which bathroom are you in ? So anyway , I finally find her . I'm like where's dad ? She's like , well , he was right there in front of Hudson News . So , anyway , we ended up finally finding him .

You tell me why in Penn Station there was two Hudson News , there was two Krispy Kremes . So he wasn't lying , he was actually standing . And I said , oh my goodness , I feel like right now I'm in a twilight zone , I'm in a whole nother world right now . Little did I know that this was a precursor to what was coming .

So we continue on the day we end up making it to the diner , we eat , and I can feel my energy levels dropping . I can feel them dropping . I can feel it . I can feel it . I'm like , oh boy , what are we going to do ? So , anyway , we start walking , go to Times Square . Really cool to go to Times Square the first time .

The first time we went to Times Square , it was cool . But then we went to Times Square again later in the evening . That's a whole nother story that I will tell you about . But we took . It was only supposed to take like 55 minutes to get to where we wanted . It took three hours . And now here I am with a group of 20 . I'm crossing the street .

Anybody ever been in New York City ? You cross the street in New York City . You ain't got a whole wind , you ain't got much time to cross the city . I mean , sorry , cross the street . Those cab drivers , they are going to be honking at you and they will let you know that it ain't your turn . So I cross it .

I know this right , the little city boy inside of me saying like , all right , we got to go . I look back behind me . I'm across the street . The tail of this 20-person caravan hadn't even started to cross the street and I'm like , oh , is she going to get hit ? He going to get hit . He definitely going to get hit .

Oh , my gosh , I'm stressed out of my mind . I'm like what in the world is going on ? Why is this happening ? Right ? So , anyway , we're making a time square . Then the kids were like oh , we want to go here , we want to go there . I said , okay , grandparents , listen , here's the deal .

Y'all go ahead and wait here at Rockefeller Center , do whatever you like . Well , okay ? Well , the girls want to go off here , here here . I said , okay , but here's the deal , y'all can do that , but y'all don't know where y'all are going . I'm so like I'm the one who feels responsible for all of this group .

So we ended up going to Nike and going to all these places , these kids are like , oh , I'm going to go here , I'm going to get that and I want to get you . Tell me why . We went everywhere , every store we went to , none of them bought anything .

So I'm sitting here saying I'm like we just walking around , for no , I could feel my levels of urkiness just rising rapidly . So I look at Carla and say , hey , look , I'm going to go ahead and tell you this . I'm getting to my threshold right now .

I know we got to catch the train at five and I know we didn't get here till like two o'clock , but we got it . We got to get it , we got to get going . So she's like , okay , yep , yep , we'll go back Now .

It was really cool because one of the parents in Times Square she had gotten this thing , this graphic , this advertisement , where the boys were up on this huge billboard , right , but here's the deal with that billboard . Okay , that billboard only showed them for three seconds , seven minutes after the hour .

Okay , I did not know that the first time we went to Times Square . We get to Times Square , I'm like , oh , look , there's the boys . Wow , wow , wow , wow . Well , one of the boys wasn't there . So the mom was like we want to go back to Times Square so we can get a photo of all the boys . And I'm sitting here looking .

I'm like you all do realize that that's a 27-minute walk that direction and we have to catch a train in the complete opposite direction . So we have a choice . All of a sudden I hear thunder and I look up and I see , oh my goodness , there's rain clouds . I'm not going to go to Times Square knowing it's going to rain . Well , make a long story short .

I ended up going to Times Square knowing it was going to rain . We ended up getting there and when we got there it was like 4.30 something and I'm like we're going to wait here for another 40 minutes . And then it started to rain and it was like , okay , we got to get out of here . So make a long story short .

We never even got the picture that we wanted and I'm just like I'm at my wits end . I am just so exhausted . We get on the train Now . I told you I was taking 20 plus people from the Midwest . Right , we get on the train and you know you need your ticket for the conductor to scan it , and one of the moms .

She had her ticket on her phone but she didn't get service because we were below the ground . So she's like I'm going to get off so I can get service . And I look at her and I say , hey , don't you get off this train , because if you get off this train there's a good chance that they going to leave you . Now I'm seeing the Midwest through and through .

I'm watching

it right now . For some reason , midwest people think like , oh , everybody's nice , like us . No , that ain't the way it works when you leave the Midwest . So anyway , she gets off the train and we don't know where she is . And all of a sudden I start hearing the beeping doors and Carly's like , oh , they're going to leave her .

And she goes back to the conductor , whatever the guy's name is . She goes there's somebody who's not on this train . He looked at her and goes eh , we got to leave . What do you want me to do about it ? She came running back . She's like you're going to leave . I said I know , I told her that . I told her that she was going to leave .

So anyway , the doors closed and I'm just thinking she's going to have to figure it out . We start moving Her husband's freaking out , her daughter's freaking out . I'm like she's going to be all right , there's another train coming here at some point . She will be fine . And then all of a sudden we see her walk up . I'm like , well , where'd you go ? She goes .

I just went to another train car . I was back there . I'm like , lord geez , you over here about to give everybody a heart attack . So here's my point . Right , I'm going to wrap this up because I know I'm going off on a tangent , but stay with me here . Three , four , five days after that , I was in a vibrational mosh pit , I call it . I was down .

I mean , I was down down bad . I couldn't understand why . I couldn't understand why Before that I'd been rolling . I'd been rolling for months , I'd been fine , I'd been good , everything had been . I had this desire , this desire good God Almighty this desire to take my family back to where I was so I could recoup and get these parts of myself .

But I thought it was going to be for the positive , and when I got back there it was that . But then I started to realize , as I got home and I'm still trying to get through it , everything , of course , you add everything to it . The Schumann residence was acting up and doing this thing , wilding out .

But here's what I realized that desire that I had allowed me to get to a part of myself that I was so unaware of See . When I went back to New Jersey , I got back to the root of me that was developed in scarcity , the a dream . But you feel like you don't have enough time to accomplish that dream . You feel like you're too old .

Oh , I want to do this and I want to accomplish this , but nobody's ever done . I'm too late , or I'm a mom and I have to wait till my kids move out . But my kids ain't going to get out until I'm 18 . Until they're 18 and me . It started when I moved back to New Jersey . So now here I am , I come back and I'm living through scarcity .

I'm talking about scarcity , scarcity so much to a point where I couldn't even see or think rationally . I had never been in this space . True story I was supposed to get a deposit . That deposit didn't come . They said the deposit . I said the bank stole my money . That's what I said . I said the bank stole it . They stole it .

Carly's like the bank didn't steal anything . No , it didn't . She's over here trying to talk sense to me , and I realized once I came to I came out of it that was the view who lived in such scarcity you couldn't even see things rationally anymore and I was in such this dark place and it was so hard I told you , I took two naps .

I took two naps back to back . I'd never do that . But then I realized what it was linked to . It was linked to that desire that I had to take my family back to a place that they had never been before . Do you see what that desire did ? Now I'm through it . Now I got through , at least so I think .

But all of these parts of me that came up because of the desire was there . If I didn't have the desire , I would have never gone back to New Jersey . If I had never gone back to New Jersey , I sure enough wouldn't have took 20 people from the Midwest to New York City . That wouldn't have happened .

But because I took those people to New York City and I was able to experience fatigue and we know that fatigue is what weakens our mind to allow those things to come up to the surface that no longer serve us , I was able to get to a part of myself that I had not even known existed . Wow , that desire was the thing that got me there .

Go after your dreams , go after your goals . Don't go after it for what you're going to accomplish or what you're going to get . Don't go after it for that . Go after it for who you're going to become along the journey . That's what the game was this whole time . It's about who can I become ? What parts of me do I have to let go ?

Wow , I didn't even know I still had that in me . Wow , I didn't even know she was still there . This person in me still lives in this .

Wow , it was never about accomplishing the physical thing , and when you do this , you'll start to see why your higher self was even giving you these prompts , these mental nudges , these spiritual lead , ways for you to go in that direction , or go , try that , or go and do that .

So , when you feel something on your heart of hearts and your soul of souls , when you have a dream that comes to you , don't wait , take action on it , because here's your opportunity to become someone who you've never been . And I know you're going to go through a phase where you're going to feel like why am I doing this ? Should I be doing this ?

That snake has to go blind for a little bit before it can become this new , longer , more equipped version . The same goes for you . So keep going , keep moving forward and , as always , I wish you nothing but the best on the pathway to your results .