The Padded Room Podcast Ep.700 (The Big 700)

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Padded Room Radio is on the air, my man. I am Darian. I am here for the 700th time. This is the big 7-0-0. dude we're gonna do things a little bit differently tonight because um well basically i thought that i should in honor of our 700th episode that we should take the night off God damn it, man, it's been 700 episodes. But then I thought, really, all that's going to do is push episode 700 back a week. And then basically I'm just delaying.

the inevitable, that we're going to have to do something for the big 700. So here we are. It's the big 700 inmates. Miss Monica is in the house. Monica, how are you? I'm great. I'm glad to be here for the big 7-0-0. It's the big 7-0-0, man. Goddamn. So we're going to put everything on the shelf. tonight inmates uh no uh horror news no terra dome no feature no what are you looking at all that's going away we do have some listener mail we're going to get to that here in a hot second but

What I wanted to do, and I was just telling Monica about this, I thought, you know, it's the big 700 episode. What we should do is really just take the night off because I think that would be awesome is just to not do it. But then all we're doing is just pushing episode 700 back a week, and then we're going to still have to do something else for the big 700. So what we're doing is we're basically, tonight, it's just going to be me and Monica. There's no Dusty, no buddy, nobody.

Nobody at all, really. And tonight we're just going to kind of hang out with you guys and shoot the shit for about an hour or so. We are going to do some listener mail because you guys were nice enough to call and write in. So we're going to get into that here in a hot second. It is presently November 4th, I believe. And dude, I got to tell you, 14 years ago on October 30th,

We started this show. It was me, Dr. Dale, and multiple mics. Now, I'm going to tell you right now, inmates, if you're thinking about going back and listening to episode number one, please don't. Please don't do that. It was terrible. We covered a movie called Dead Birds. Do you remember that one Monica? I don't remember that one. It's actually a pretty dope show. It's a pretty good show. It's got Michael Shannon in it before he was Michael Shannon. It's got Henry Davies.

a bunch of other lowlifes whose names oh it's got the uh that scruffy guy from sons of anarchy and 30 days a night you know who i'm talking about oh okay yeah i'm looking at the cast right now yeah It's got that dude in it. I don't know his name. Mark Boone Jr. Yeah, that's exactly what I was thinking. You see that guy and you're like, I know that guy. He's in everything.

it's actually a really good show it's about a uh a civil war heist and then the confederate bank robbers are on the lam so they hold up in this abandoned farmstead and of course gnarly shit goes down from there um it's it's a pretty good movie the episode that we did on it is absolutely terrible um we recorded it at like uh i think 11 30 at night because dale and dale was working

graveyard i was working swing shift and mike was working swing shift at the movie theater and uh being proactive like i am i'm like dale come over to my house watch the movie with me and then When the movie's over, about the time Mike should be showing up, we'll do the episode and then we'll be good to go. Dale, of course, falls asleep during the movie. And through most of the episode that recorded, he was completely...

unconscious but um it's it's bad it was bad audio i don't know why i actually released that because i oh god don't don't even get me started on where this podcast start where we started as to where we are now um we've gone through a revolving door of uh co-hosts which i mean given the spectrum The number of people that have come into and out of my life because of this podcast. I'm going to be honest with you, Monica. I'm starting to think the problem is me, not you. You know what I mean?

Like... people are like hey dude yeah this sounds great we're gonna watch horror movies and talk shit and uh you know we'll have a couple beers and then we'll get on the thing and i'm like yeah man come on in let's do this and then they they go like four episodes and they're like uh Yeah. Sorry, bro. I'm busy tonight. No, I can't do it anymore. I get it. I can be a little clingy.

i think it's just they're not dedicated to watching the movie like we are that's what it is and i'm that there's that to start with and i get it and i think and i'm going to be honest with you monica like as far as like commitment to the show Commitment to like all of my nutsack projects that I come up with and never...

quite finish or sometimes i do finish them or sometimes whatever the hell i think you were the one that put the most into this show out of all the people that have been through here for those of you that don't know uh when monica you were on the show Like in studio here with me for a good, what, four years? Two, three, four years? Something like that? Yeah, four years. Something like that.

And for those of you that didn't know at the time, Monica, when she was coming in, had to drive an hour each way from her house to my house to get here. And right now... traffic is a fucking nightmare. And it's not like the freeways. It's just the one street to get to my house. It is stupid. Especially, like... When Dusty gets here to do the show now, we have to spend a good 30 to 40 minutes before we even get Monica on the phone just complaining about traffic. Bro.

You don't even know, man. I got off at Vista, and then Vista was, like, backed up. So I was like, fuck that. I'll backtrack to Sparks. But Sparks was fucked up, too. So then I went all the way to McCarran. It's just, dude. It's stupid, man. But Monica was always here. She was always here early. And I kept telling her the whole time. I was like, Monica, you don't have to drive all the way in.

you i'm happy to to skype you in you can call in whatever you want to do but she was like no this gets me away from the parole officer and i need to get out of the house more I kind of like sitting in my truck by myself. It's fine. So thank you very much for that, Monica. Oh, that's too much. It's true, though. It's true. We have had quite a few people in here. And I think when you came back here in the last couple of months, Monica,

That has been a blessing. You were always my favorite co-host. I felt like you and I always had the best back and forth complaining about your old man porn. Me being into MILFs and things like that. All the dumb shit that we used to do back in the day. It was always a good time.

right on man uh Monica all right I've blathered on long enough we just got past Halloween Monica how was your Halloween bit It was good. We actually sat here in the garage and handed out candy to the kids. Very cool. Yeah. Did you get a lot of trick-or-treaters? Yeah, actually we did. We had maybe 10 pieces of chocolate left. Nice. It was like, thank God they stopped. Yeah.

yeah we had a similar problem up here we did something very similar so i closed my garage door moved the outdoor projector back and then we watched night of the living dead on the garage door And gave out candy from the driveway. I think total we had maybe 15 kids tops. Oh, wow. And at first I was like, here's one for you and one for you and one for you. By the time the last three or four showed up, I'm like, dude.

Open your backpack. Yeah, here, take it off. Yeah, how many pockets you got on that stupid outfit? Let's fill them up here, buddy.

it was cool though man we had a good time um we did like a revolving thing where uh one of the parents would take the kid around the kids around the neighborhood and then they all brought multiple costumes so they'd all run in the house change costumes and then another parent would take him around and of course my neighborhood is just a big fucking block party on Halloween so all the other houses are giving out shots and quote unquote adult treats if you understand what I'm saying

that's what we did yeah buddy the parole officer was handing out shots of tequila yeah buddy um we actually had some actual police officers here hanging out with us And they're like, you know, that's probably not the best idea to do that. Yeah, I mean, we're not carding anybody, but we're just kind of going off of a vibe. So if they're vibing, then they can have a beer or two.

Right on, man. I'm glad you had a good Halloween. We partied up in the driveway and we had a pretty good crowd going for a hot minute or two.

Right on, man. So that being said, Monica, why don't we jump into some listener mail real quick, and we'll hear what these guys have to say, and then after that, we'll just kind of hang out for a little while. Okay. All right, let's start things off. Yeah, listener mail. Listener mail. This is going to be a new experience for everybody. All right, inmates? If you don't like this episode, I don't fucking care because this is more about us.

Not about you. I'm going to edit that out. That was a little hostile. All right. Let's start things off with our main man in Sydney, Australia. We got an email coming at us here, Monica. all right from team team in sydney australia subject line 700 holy shit what's up guys gals creatures and weird Darian Sex Objects. How's things this week? I'm good. Thanks for asking. Wow. 700 episodes. That's huge.

Allow me to get a little sloppy and teary-eyed here. Darian, congratulations, my friend. 700 episodes and 14 years as a podcaster is absolutely huge. I would like to thank you. The Padded Room was the first podcast I was hooked on. I still remember discovering podcasts and just going through a sea of shows that were either shit... or that annoyed me until I stumbled across yours. I was hooked from the first episode. I listened to you.

I remember milestones of the show like you announcing you becoming a dad or GP yelling at you for picking a stupid movie or Dr. Dale saying many things that had me laughing my ass off. I can confidently say that I have listened to every single episode, sometimes more than once. What a guy is Tim. You believe this guy? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, me too. He's a sweetheart of a dude. I love Tim. Being a part of the community you have created has been unreal.

I've made awesome friends, had many laughs, and even shed tears listening to the show. Hell, you even helped me launch my own podcast, and I couldn't have done it without you. So congratulations, but more importantly, thank you. Thank you for giving me something to look forward to every week.

Enough of the sloppy shit. Back to the regular program. Terradome, you know what? Fuck it. Give me the elite hunting dudes. Maybe you are on to something. Maybe the ghosts are like Freddy and if you stop believing in them, they just disappear.

He's got a good point, Monica. And that was what I was saying. That's exactly what I was thinking. If you're not scared of ghosts, then exactly how dangerous are they? You know what I mean? If you're an Eastern Bloc thug... who's got like a facial scar and a bunch of shrapnel in his stomach, and your job is to stay hammered on cheap vodka and drag abducted tourists into an abandoned... medical facility jesus christ if you're not scared then how dangerous are ghosts well it depends on the ghost

Whoa, okay, now we're blurring the line between ghost and weird demon, you know. Well, no, are we talking ghost-like? from the movie ghost story or are we talking ghosts like from 13 ghosts okay both of those ghosts that you just mentioned are hot and the the ghosts and ghost story will suck your dick in a bathtub So, and the ghosts in 13 Ghosts are also hot, but they will pick you up and break you in half. Yeah. You see what I'm saying? So, which ghost do you want?

to go with well i can tell you the one that's going to get my dick sucked that's going to be my first choice but i mean okay so let's let's break this down and since we got an hour here why don't we talk about ghosts for a second Now, what is the most frightening ghost movie that you recall, Monica? Oh, shit. I can tell you mine.

What is it? You didn't care for it yourself. It's Cairo from Japan. The Americanization of that would be, the very loose Americanization of that would be Pulse with, what's her name there? Oh, okay. The Americanization was not very good, but the original Japanese version had a lot of very disturbing imagery. The audio was really something. That to me would be my, that's my go-to ghost story frightening movie. What do you think? Oh, man.

I really don't know. But see, now that we're talking about it, that's not really a ghost story. It's a ghost apocalypse, because if you remember that movie, or even the Americanization of it, it had to do with ghosts coming in through all of our electronic devices, and basically... convincing all of the living people to commit suicide in very gruesome ways. I'm just trying, yeah, I'm just trying to think what...

What ghost movies that I've watched that I could say actually scared me. That's a tough one. It is a tough one. You know, you kind of got to go back to your childhood on that. I mean, I watched Cairo when I was probably in my 20s, and there was just a lot of nightmarish imagery, scenes, sound design, things like that. There's another... I don't know if I call it a ghost movie, but have you ever seen a movie called The Snare? I don't think so. Okay, quick snapshot.

It's a couple and the young lady's third-wheel friend go to an Airbnb that's on the top floor of a high-rise building. but it's during the off season. So every single apartment in the building is completely vacant. There's nobody else in the building except for them. They get up there to their top floor.

airbnb and then the elevator stops working and the doors to the stairwell are all locked and they're all like heavy duty metal they can't they're basically stuck in the top floor of this building and they're running out of food, and the water turns off, and pretty soon the electricity turns off. I did see that. And it... And they couldn't get out. Exactly. Yeah. And the boyfriend was also like a drug addict and he got all paranoid and horny at the same time, which is a weird combination. But...

The sound design on that one, it led you to believe that there was like a supernatural element, like maybe there was some kind of a ghost in the building that had trapped him up there. But at the same time, there's a lot of drug use and paranoia. But the sound design on that movie would lead you into a lot of different directions. That's another good example.

i wouldn't say it scared me but uh i found it off-putting in a lot of ways i would have to say You know, I was just looking at a list and I was like, oh, I've seen that, I've seen that, I've seen that.

I think the one that scared me the most just because you get to see stuff happening would have been paranormal activity. The first one. Yes, I agree 100%. And I would put that on my top five.

horror films of all time but that's for sentimental reasons i'm not going to tell that story again but like the idea of somebody looming over you while you sleep and just like staring at you for what an hour and a half three hours at a time just standing there staring at you no reason i i've seen a lot of um uh shall we say performance pieces that start that way and end a lot differently, if you understand what I'm saying. Okay, got it. Yeah, yeah. But that, like...

The fast-forward element to that, because when Katie Featherstone gets up and gets over... What was his name? It was something... Ira? Or something like that. Or her boyfriend. And just starts staring down at him. Oh, yeah. The camera cuts to fast forward. And then you kind of see her like standing there, but she's kind of swaying a little bit. But it's in that fast forward frame where she's like back and forth like...

Almost like a crackhead in a weird way. You're like, oh my God, what is happening in my bedroom while I'm asleep? You know what I mean? I'm confident that my wife is not getting out of bed and staring at me well. uh she's asleep while i'm asleep yeah and i'm pretty sure she's not oh i can say for a fact she's not you know how i know that she's not because i'm a i'm a notorious sleep farter and i will blow her right back into bed

Or possibly into the backyard. But that whole sleep paranoia thing was a real riveting situation. And what they did... I'm sure we all know this, is that when it would cut to like paranormal time, they would turn the ambient sound up. So you would hear like more, you wouldn't hear anything. You would just hear more nondescript background noise, but you would think you heard something in a weird way. Yes, because I think your mind starts telling you you did. Exactly right.

Now, that's a great example of that. And the darkness of that movie, especially in the nighttime scenes when they're both asleep in bed, you're hungrily looking into the shadows of the hallway. like expecting like some kind of demon like glowing eyes or something what you're really going to get is the door moving an eighth of an inch

And that's about it. Oh, and that gave me goosebumps, just you saying. Oh, yeah, yeah. But you're expecting like some... ferocious you know Jason Voorhees type of thing coming at you but all you get is the door moving for an eighth of an inch that's a good use of subtlety and suspense now a bad use of all of the elements that I just mentioned

and I probably shouldn't mention this now because it may or may not be who Daddy was last week, is a movie called Skinnamarink. Did you ever see that one, Monica? Oh, I had to stop that movie.

I was told, oh, it was the most terrifying, scariest movie, and I started it, and I just sat there and went, you know, I gave this 20 minutes, and I'm done. Who are these people that insist that... skinnamarink is scary or frightening or in some way you know uh a traumatic experience who are these people i've not met one of them yet i think they're asking like 13 year old kids at the movie theater i get it i get i get what they were going for okay and again we're going off on a tangent

Tim, I'm sorry. We're going to get right back to your email here in about 13 minutes, give or take. Now, Monica, you had a childhood somewhat similar to mine where you were probably... We're children of the 80s, are we not? Yes. Yeah, exactly. So you had a house key. You came home.

You were probably on your own for five, six hours, whatever. You had to do your homework. You had to make your own dinner. And sometimes you went to bed with or without a parent. And that happened in the 80s. In the 80s, dude. There was a public service announcement at 10 o'clock to remind our parents that they had kids because apparently sometimes they forgot. It's 10 o'clock.

Do you know where your children are? Oh, shit. I have kids. What? Oh, honey, do we have kids? Do we know where they are? I don't know. But that's just kind of how kids were raised in the 80s. Now, like me, Monica, you probably spent a lot of time in an empty house by yourself and especially at night when you woke up and the house was dark and silent you would your mind would put things together in the darkness that weren't there and your imagination would go crazy and

The way that this movie, Skin of Morink I'm talking about, was shot, it kind of taps into that. And that's exciting. And that's a place to go. But not for an hour and a half, dude.

well that house that i grew up in in la that house had a ghost in it and i think i told you that you did many times yes yeah it used to stand in the hallway between my bedroom and my parents's bedroom yes ma'am my dad used to always get up and be like why are you standing there and I'd be like yelling I'm not standing there I thought that was you see so to that point and that's frightening

That is frightening, especially for a young Miss Monica who probably at this point already has an old man fetish in a weird way. And this may act, we may be tapping into some psychology here as to why you have the old man fetish. That's frightening. And like this movie, Skinner-Marink... wants to take you back to 1980-whatever when you were that kid in your dark bedroom, peering across a dark hallway, and you think, or maybe you...

Don't think or maybe you see something or maybe you don't. Your mind is putting weird shit together in the shadows because you're a child. And because you're a little on edge and you're thinking about all the horror movies you've seen and the trailers and all that shit. And for a good, I don't know, seven and a half minutes maybe. I was there with you, with Skinnamarink. But rounding the 20-minute mark and then the 40-minute mark and then the 60-minute mark, I'm going...

I'm looking at a black fucking screen, bro. And all I'm hearing is whispering. I can't make out what anybody's saying. I don't know what the fuck is going. Give me something so that I know. So.

again i don't want to go off on a tangent but i've already done it so i might as well just go all the way in as a weird social thought experiment monica what i did i got my family together my son, my wife, my daughter, and I put Skin of Marink on, and I just let it go. And I said, okay, we're going to watch this movie, and I'm going to pause it periodically and ask you guys some questions.

So we got to about the half hour mark. I paused it and I said, okay, can anybody tell me what this movie is about? And my son was the first one to raise his hand. He said, it's about a kid that can't clean up his room. And I was like, okay, good, good answer. And then my wife raised her hand and she's like, I think it's about people that can't pay the power bill. And I was like, okay, yeah, another good answer. My daughter said it's about breakfast cereal at night. And I was like, well.

I don't think any of you are wrong. So by the end of the movie, nobody knew anything about what was going on except it was dark and we were all sick of listening to the cartoon track in the background that played over and over and over again. That's a hard one. Conceptually, it's good. And I like where their head was at, but that's not an hour and a half, man. You got to have an actual plot in there besides just...

floorboards and weird ceiling corners and chag carpeting and one cartoon. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. I'll pass on that movie. I'll pass on it. Being the doofus that I am, I had to go out and buy the Blu-ray because I thought maybe if I watched the special features, I would get some kind of insight as to what the hell was going on. There's nothing there. No.

You get a tour of the house. You get a very loose explanation of the movie, if anybody actually cares. What actually happened was the kid with the head injury passes away in his sleep.

And then the sister, because she's a child, can see his spirit. So they have their own little adventure there in the house. And he doesn't know that he's dead, of course. So they just kind of... poop around and she's actually the one eating the cereal and uh watching the cartoons waiting for mom and dad to wake up to realize that the kid is actually dead oh yeah you would never have known that by watching the movie got it yeah

I don't know. Good stuff, huh? All right, Tim, I am sorry. Let's get back to Tim here.

Darian, I actually have you this week. Listen closely to your clues. A young boy has had an injury. Wakes up. Parents in the house. You also mentioned something about a sister. You're Michael Myers, right? Fucking nailed it. You motherfucker, Tim. He is determined to go with this Michael Myers thing. Oh, my God. I was listening to your clues. I was like, what fucking movie is like this?

It was Skinnamarink. I'll tell you right now, inmates. I was Skinnamarink last week. I think Dusty had me. We're going to find out in a minute if Alan or Tom Hardy did. That's all I really have this week. I'm currently on holidays, so I'm probably listening to this with drinks around a pool in the sun. Sorry to tease you. Much love, you guys. Stay beautiful, Dusty. XOXO. Thanks, Tim.

Thanks, Tim. Thanks for writing in, dude. Tim has been a long-standing padded room family member. You can listen to his show, Horror for Dummies. right here on the Padded Room Network. There was a time when we were kicking out, god damn, like nine, ten shows a week. Not all us, obviously, because we were producing all these other shows. We had a paranormal show.

Out of Canada. We had Wicked Wednesdays, the true crime show with Alan and Shelly. We had that other show. I don't even remember the name of it, but it was out of Buffalo, New York, and those guys were high as fuck. Every time they recorded. Who else did we have? We had Resurrection of Zombie 7 for a hot minute. I think that was about it. Right?

I think so. I feel like there's one missing. I don't know why. Oh, we had Cake Wolf's Happy Hour. That was one of my favorites. Right. Except it was mostly just him arguing with his girlfriend. Which was still fun to listen to, I thought. We just had a whole family here for a hot minute. The problem with, and Tim kind of mentioned this in his email. The problem with the horror podcast is that it's very easy once you've started to simply say, well, I got better things to do and walk away.

After 14 years, I have to report inmates that you guys, this show, Miss Monica, and the entire journey that has accompanied this is now part of my DNA. So now I don't...

If it's Tuesday night, and for whatever reason I'm not... recording a show i'm gonna get antsy and sweaty and i'm gonna start looking at the microphones here and looking at the horror movies this is something i have to do at this point i can't not do this and even if nobody shows up i'm still going to hit record and i'm still going to publish and you motherfuckers are stuck with me

yeah so they're in their wheelchair until nobody's listening anymore we're still we're still banging i'm not going to get into the numbers but we're still banging quite a few downloads an episode if i ever if we ever actually hit a zero download episode that will be when i hang up the the microphone but until then uh we do have some voicemails here monica got it let's hear it let's hit them

All righty, here he comes, our main man in Alabama. It's Alan. What's up, Alan? Thank you, sir. That's not cute. Ain't going nowhere, bro. I got around to watching Weapons and Bring Your Back. Yeah. Loved Weapons. Bring Your Back. That was something else. Yes, it was. Let's see what else. Watch. Nice. Mine was great. Ooh, how'd that go?

And it turned out to be the most extreme in the state. It's no McKamey Manor, but it is a contact haunt. I would hope not. Jesus. And I did a speed run through it with her. I knew some of the honers. They were going after me, but once they saw her freaking out, you know, she went through there with her hoodie over her head, and I'm hanging on to her. It was an experience upstairs, downstairs, all that.

Nice. But if you're ever in Alabama and around home, she's a nightmare at 3008. Best home I've ever been to, including the ones I've worked at. Anyway, that's all I've got. Talk to you later. Bye. Very cool, Alan. Thanks for calling in, amigo. I don't know, man. Dude, here's the thing, Monica. I would like to... Okay, so every year my wife goes on a girl's trip. You know what I'm saying? yes they they go somewhere stupid uh it's a girls thing so last year they went to napa great

And then the year before that, they went to Joshua Tree. Is that what it's called? Oh, yeah. Yeah, they did a bunch of hippie crap. And I'm due for a guy's trip. I wanted to go to New Orleans. I found a place where I could kill an alligator for $1,800. So I thought that would be cool. But there is like a lot of Halloween-centric locations, like Warren Valley, Ohio. Are you familiar with this place?

no it is it is the place where the original trick our treat was filmed and like the big block party the big to do with all the parades and the costume. They do that every year. It's bananas. And I wanted to do that on Halloween. I just need to get like a horror posse together with me to do that. So... I'm thinking Alan makes a good point. If we're ever in Alabama, in, on, or around the Halloween time, we should check out some of these haunts and hang out with Alan and Shelly, dude.

Wow. I would like to go to one of those big ones that you see in the movies all the time. Like what? Like the Haunt movie. Remember that big one they had? Well, yeah, dude, but those were body mod freaks. I don't want to go to that one. You got to shoot somebody in the face with a shotgun to get out of there. Dude, that was a little creepy.

I think it would be cool to go to one of those big ones they have on that side of the United States. I'm into it. I just don't... We have these contact haunts like McKamey Manor where... It's basically like a CIA interrogation for an hour and a half. And I don't know that I want to do that. I don't want to get fisted. I definitely don't need to be spit on or urinated on.

that is really is that scary it's it's more humiliating than scary right right so alan i don't know if that's the kind of haunt that that is i hope you didn't take uh the kid to it because i don't know i feel like Somebody should call CPS if that's the case because that's a little much, right? mm-hmm yeah so yeah that's not fun yeah like out here we have our andaline uh corn creeper maze which is great um but

what they do before you go into the corn creeper maze, they're like, if we give you one of these glow stick things, the creepers will go easy on you. And we had a couple of toddlers with us. So my wife is like, yeah. Give me two or three of those glow sticks. And they're like, okay, they're $2 a piece. And my wife is like, yeah, fuck you. I'm not paying that. Go ahead and scare the shit out of them if you want. And now we have some traumatized toddlers on our hands.

Oh, they'll be okay. They'll be fine. It's just a corn creeper maze. And we did the creeper maze before we did the zombie paintball thing. So we kind of got our weird little payback situation.

It's kind of like the toddlers got to blast the creepy dudes at the end. Why? Yeah. So I think that's what we need to do, Monica. We need to put together like a Halloween... uh trip to somewhere uh i was also thinking about the um the original texas chainsaw restaurant going on um i heard the food sucks but it would still be cool to go down there and take some pictures and stuff right Yeah, that would be cool. Yeah. What else? Oh, I was thinking about, what is it?

Not the Stanley Hotel, but the actual filming location, which I think is up in Oregon of The Shining. You know what I'm talking about? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that would be pretty dope too. That would be fun too. Or what about even the original Amityville house? Well, from what I hear, the current owners are not too keen on people showing up. Showing up there. And to be honest, I wouldn't either.

So, and they got rid of the evil eye windows, which, I mean, after that, it's just kind of dumb, right? Oh. Yeah, they squared them out. It sucks. Right on. Thanks for calling in, Alan. Yeah, thanks, Alan. We got another one coming at us. Here comes Tom Hardy.

Hey-o! How's my favorite degenerates this week? We're here, Tom Hardy. Everyone is doing well. Hey, let me get in there real quick. What you got? 700th episode. I know. Congratulations, Mr. Brock. Thank you very much. I want to say 2017. I think it was around 2017. Listening. So I've probably been around for a couple of those. You've been here long enough. Congratulations, man. But there is something I do need to bring to the inmates' attention there. Okay.

I mean, I know we don't like to get political. There's politics? In the padded room, you know, trying to avoid that. But this is just too important. It's got to be mentioned. Okay. What's going on? I have uncovered a nefarious plot. by our own Darian Brock to rig the Terror Dome. He wanted to rig the Terror Dome so that the nurses and the fucking fish people would fight it out in the championship. Now that would have been cool. What? Well, they both lost, so... All right. Yeah, you got me.

I've never seen that flick, but it sounds like what I think I've heard people talk about that flick. Yeah. I don't know. Like I said, I haven't seen it, but I don't think I'd see into it. I would challenge you to watch it. What do we got? We got the Elite Hunting Crew and the fucking Vengeful Ghost. You know what? Give me the Vengeful Ghost and...

I gotta say, do we want to keep the Elite Hunting Corps in the fucking Terror Dome for the future? That's a valid question. Your co-host there brought up a very good point last week. How fucking elite are they? Basically, these prostitute girls, they take all the risks as far as drugging them. No, you're right. And then by the time the elite hunting corps comes in...

They're all fucking, they're all drugs. They just handcuff them while they're all unconscious. I don't know how fucking elite they are, man. I don't know if we want to, I don't know. So do the vengeful ghost for no other reason than that. Fucking on the what are you looking department. Oh, what do you got? You've got to catch a couple of things, and you're just going to have to bear with me on this year. I saw The Craft and Buffy the Vampire Slayer, the movie.

movie there. Hey, there's nothing wrong with either of those. Halloween season, daughter who's not into horror flicks. I mean, the son will watch anything. My boy is like, he'll watch anything. Yeah. But she was like wanting to kind of dip her toe in there. after watching a little bit of Wednesday. So, yeah, watch them too again. They're fine. They're whatever. They're perfectly PG-13. Anyway, that's all I got for football as well. Love you like family. Bye.

Love you too, Tom Hardy. Monica, he makes a good point. You got yourself like a... Like, you want to dip your toe into horror, but you don't want to scare anybody or traumatize them. What would be a good way to go, do you think? I think we lost her. Monica, are you there? Oh, shit. Okay. Let me pause. Okay, we got her back, inmates.

Monica, what do you think is a good gateway horror movie for somebody who wants to be like in the Halloween vibe, but not at the same time, like not be traumatized or be scared? Beetlejuice. Beetlejuice is a good one, sure. Beetlejuice. Anything by Tim Burton, I think is a good one. Ghostbusters. Ghostbusters, for sure. Oh. Oh, shoot, I'm trying to think of the cartoon that I watched all three now. The one with Adam Sandler, where he's the vampire.

Oh, Hotel Transylvania. Yes. Yes. That's another one. Speaking of Adam Sandler, Hubie Halloween. Have you seen that one? Yep. It's stupid. That was good. The best part of that movie is his mom with her thrift store shirts. Boner inspector. Whatever. Whatever else it was on there. And all of the slutty newscasters that were all dressed up as Harley Quinn getting progressively sluttier and sluttier. Yeah. Love it. Another one would be, oh, The Book Writer. The Book Writer. Yeah. Oh, Goosebumps.

Yes. All the Goosebump movies are good. Those are good. Absolutely. Right on. Yeah, those are all good gateways. Absolutely. Yeah. There's a lot of ways you can kind of do a little dibble-dabble into the horror world without going full-on into a Serbian film. We don't need to jump right into that.

That'll wreck it for you. I was four when my parents took me to watch The Exorcist at the movie theater. Okay, okay, you want to go down that road? I was traumatized. You know what movie traumatized me? I was six when I saw the very first Evil Dead movie. That one stuck with me quite a bit. I was in sixth grade when I saw that one. Did it fuck you up or no?

I couldn't sleep without, I had to keep my lights on for weeks. I could, I didn't make it, I didn't make it all the way to the end. I made it right past, so you got the tree rape, which was oddly kind of hot in a weird way. But after that, she comes back and then they do the game where they're calling out the cards. And then she goes full dead eye. And that was scary as shit. And then after that, they put her in the basement. And then the other girlfriend...

get stabbed in the ankle with a pencil. And that was when I was like, no, dude, I'm done. I am in the third grade, and I deal with number two pencils on a regular basis, and now I don't want anything to do with any of this shit. Watching it now, you're like, okay, this is just kind of gross and funny in a weird way. But at the time, man, and again, Monica, we're children of the 80s. We got exposed to this.

Way earlier than we probably should have. But at the same time, we're fine, right? We're fine. We probably went through some rough patches. But we're here now, and we're fine, and everything's cool, and we saw these things, and, you know. Yeah. I didn't kill anybody. I didn't kill anybody, but there were some things. i'm fine i didn't kill anybody it's all that matters um to speaking to that now as a father um

I kind of take the approach when it comes to my kids and what they can and can't watch. As far as movies go, I let them watch whatever they want as long as it's not hardcore pornography or anything that involves any kind of... yeah like i i have a real problem with any kind of animal cruelty um real or portrayed or insinuated i have a problem yeah i have a problem with um Certain sexual masochistic practices, they don't need to see that. Not really because they don't need to see that.

More because I don't want to answer the questions that are going to come with that. I also have a problem with anything involving kids. I don't think they need to see that either. Another traumatic movie for me was the original Children of the Corn. And it was because I suddenly had this idea that at some point my friends could just raise up and kill my parents. And I thought that...

that would be really gnarly. So I stay away from that also. But other than that, I let them watch whatever they want. I would rather they watch a horror movie than these dipshit clips that they find on YouTube.

You know what I'm saying? Oh, yeah. There is some really creepy shit on YouTube. Was that the parole officer I just heard? No. Oh, I thought I heard someone in the background there. Oh, no. It's only me in here. Oh, okay. You must be hearing the ghost. Oh, it was the ghost of creepy dudes on YouTube. But like watching YouTube these days, there is an astounding... amount of clips of like grown-ass men and women acting like little children like

playing with toys and blowing bubbles, going down slides. I find that to be disturbingly creepy and in a weird way, kind of not necessarily grooming, but just kind of... there's a serious ick factor for a dad watching that and my children my kids sometimes drift into those channels and it's like

explain to me the entertainment value of this and they can't they're like oh look at these silly guys you know and it's like ah you know what let's let's let's you know maybe we should explore a serbian film you and i I would almost rather you watch that than these creepos because I feel like at some point there's going to be a YouTube message that's going to pop up or some kind of a Roblox thing or some kind of a...

social media situation and you're gonna be like oh the the old guys on the youtube channel that were playing with toys they seemed all right so why don't i talk to these old guys and it's gonna get gross dude yeah and you know I know this is going off our podcast, but did you ever see that documentary they had on Netflix about that mom that had her daughter?

famous YouTuber, but she was kind of like, she was almost like grooming the kids to, you know, start kissing and having sex at like 11, 12 years old. Yes, it is nasty. And I know exactly what you're talking about. And what's even nastier about that is that you can turn on any number of YouTube channels and find strikingly similar behavior. My daughter's... I probably shouldn't say the name of it, but my daughter has one YouTube tweenie that she follows. It's probably a...

14 15 year old girl and she just goes on these asinine like reality adventures but her dad is such a fucking scumbag monica he's got this guy's gotta be in his it Probably in his, I would say, mid-50s, he's got the frosted tips. And the way he sexualizes his daughter, like the way he holds her and touches her and puts her in these skimpy outfits, it's so fucking gross, dude. Oh, yeah. I'm like, no, we're not watching that.

uh daddy it's and i'm like no no hey um what do we uh let's get uh uh texas chainsaw massacre let's put that on again hey let's watch bordello of blood it's got vampire hookers let's do that Anything but this. Anything with a plot line and acting and like a parallel where I can say, hey, babe, hey, kids, this is make-believe. This is an act of fiction. This doesn't really happen. These are actors. These are special effects. As opposed to this creepy fucking dad.

Getting all gropey with his 13-year-old daughter. Oh, it's so nasty. That's going to give me nightmares right there, Monica. Fuck the ghosts, bro. The creepy dad and the 13-year-old. That's what's going to freak me right out.

All right, man. Thank you, Tom Hardy, Alan, Tim. You guys are padded room family. And there's a lot of other family that we've seen come and go. We had Kreese. Remember her? oh yeah irma gersh um irma gersh's daughters of course the late and great gracie's poppy we miss him dearly uh who else cake wolf his girlfriend christina we love them uh The other guy, his friend, what was his name? Jason, I think.

the artist that designed the padded room logo oh yeah yeah yeah i think his name was jason but i could be wrong he was a great dude also uh he still is i'm sure the all these most of these people are still alive out there i hope Yeah, I think I follow. I think I just saw something from Kreese a while back on Instagram. I'm sure she's out there somewhere doing the Lord's work.

All of those people, man. We've seen them come and we've seen them go. Oh, Kevin in Japan. That guy that was always drunk in Finland. What was it? Axel. Remember Axel? Oh, yeah. He was great. He always wrote in like a weird Finnish accent. Or maybe I just did the Finnish accent when I read his emails. That was fun. Yeah, he's still on Facebook. I see him on there. Is he still hammered in the woods? Because...

I think that's where we left him about six years ago. I think he's doing some kind of publishing. Okay. Very cool. Dude, we've seen a lot of people come and go through these. Through the halls of the padded room here, Monica. Oh, and what about the chick? I haven't heard from her in a long time. Which one? From England, the crow chick. Oh, well, there was the crow chick. That was Angel. I think she was in NorCal somewhere. She had the crow tattoo on her back? Yep.

That one. And then there was the chick in England. She was a friend of Cowboys. Yes. And she would always send us pictures of her boobs. Yeah, we haven't heard from her in a long time. No, I think I pissed them all off when I said I didn't like that new Ghostbusters movie. For some reason, chicks get fucking furious when you say you don't like the Melissa McCarthy Ghostbusters movie.

oh my god which let's be honest was dog shit but that's neither here nor there we don't need to we don't need to dig up any graves monica i don't think um

man let's let's get down to business here monica i would like to know what your favorite horror film of all time was now i can tell you what it used to be but we'll get into that in a second is it still the same or has it changed oh it It still has to be the same. I mean. The thing. Well, the thing is my all-time favorite. And I have on back order. Okay. This super cool, so it's a picture and it has the actual script in it. And it's got everybody's autograph on the actual poster. Wow. Yeah.

They only made a certain number of these things, so I can't wait till that comes. Holy cow. So you got an autographed movie poster with the script. Is that what you're telling me? Yeah, it comes all in a frame. It's already framed, so you can't, unless you take it apart. And if you wanted to order it at the time, you could have gotten gold or platinum. I'm like, well, I'm not that crazy that I need platinum.

Okay, let me ballpark that. I'm going to say, off the top of my head, 1,200? No. More or less? Less. Oh, okay. 800? No, 400. That's it? Yeah. And it's got everybody's autograph? Everybody's autograph. Wow. Yeah, lit the original script, so it's going to be cool. Okay, very cool. That's awesome, man.

Yeah, I cannot think of a movie that will ever pass that for me. A lot of people, a lot of like actual... um film scholars if such a creature actually exists in like um cinematography historians will tell you that that is a perfect film Yeah, I just I find that it's hard to find stuff for that movie. Like when I went to that horror shop here in Phoenix, they hardly had anything.

to do with the thing in there and i asked the guy hey how come you guys don't sell anything for this movie and he's like oh it's so far in between when we get something i'm all god damn it huh okay Well, I mean, I get it. It's old by today's standards. And a lot of people get hung up on the fact that it's actually a remake, which a lot of people... horror nerds will forget from time to time because the thing from another world is so like it's like a completely different movie

All the way around from John Carpenter's The Thing. You know what I mean? In fact, I even struggle to call it a remake, even though it actually is. Because they're just so completely different. Yeah. The Thing from Another World was great. it is what it is it's a 50s creature feature with this alien and you had uh the u.s military out there being the bon vivant heroes and really making some really stupid decisions.

But then you had John Carpenter's The Thing, which just brought this whole psychological paranoia element to it and introduced a Lovecraftian. situation and the motherfucking special effects on that thing especially for being a movie in 1982 god damn yeah it was really good dude Even by today's standards, CGI, everything, all that included, it's hard to find a movie that can compare special effects-wise to The Thing. Yeah.

Like, even what you don't, there's so much more to what you don't see in that movie. You know what I mean? Well, of course you know what I'm talking about. But, like, just the opening 15 minutes.

you have the helicopter you have the norwegians you have the dog the dog is where it starts the dog is clearly acting weird and then you just see the dog lazily walking from room to room down the hallway and you're thinking to yourself okay what's up with this dog and then you see you don't see whose room he goes into

But he goes into somebody's room because you see the silhouette. And then from there, it's on. Now we're wondering who is what? First off, what is? But more importantly, who is? Because now there's a whole element of... shape-shifting doppelgangers uh everybody seems to be acting the way they should be but at the same time something is afoot here and then from there it just it just kind of

corkscrews into this bizarro action special effects extravaganza with lovecraftian elements and everything else i don't know why i'm doing a commercial for the thing we've all seen it but it's

It'll blow your fucking mind. And I'm going to tell you right now, the 2011 prequel, it's got its flaws, but I'm going to tell you it's not as bad as you might remember. um really the only problem i had with that one was the fact that we went we had to go down into the goddamn uh spaceship

And it didn't make a lot of sense that we had this Norwegian outpost that was being attacked by an alien. And then we had the American outpost, what, eight or nine clicks away. But there's Americans in the Norwegian outpost. so why are they not communicating and you know i'm i don't know but there was a great attention to detail and i love that very much i'll tell you that yeah and in the

Second part, I just call it the second part, that the scene where you actually get to see where that split thing came from. Yes. Oh, my God, that terrified me every time I see it. That was gnarly. I love that. That was great. But the dog scene really gets to me at the beginning. Well, yeah. Those dogs look just like your dogs, Monica. You know what I mean? I would not own dogs that look like that.

after having seen this. No, no way. And I definitely wouldn't put them in any kind of kennel. Absolutely not. I think my favorite part about the thing sequel, if I had to, I mean... It's a hard sell to get any true fan of the original John Carpenter's The Thing to like the Thing prequel, but just the attention to detail on the side of the Norwegian base.

Because there is that part where Kurt Russell goes back into the Norwegian base and he's looking around. It looks spot on like it should be. Everything from like the char marks as you walk into the door. um the the husk that is kind of it's dead but it's like kind of uh charred out in the front

The front Doria, that's exactly where it's supposed to be. The axe that's buried in the hallway, that's where it's supposed to be. Tremendous attention to detail. Yeah, they did a really good job on that one. How did you feel about that? Did it piss you off or what did you think? It didn't piss me off. I just, you know, like I always say,

Every movie starts out good, but I just feel like there's never a good ending. They don't know how to end stuff. And that's the only part that bothered me, kind of. So... I get what you're saying, but when you're making a prequel, the ending is kind of built in. Especially for this one in particular, because the ending is the beginning of the thing. So you already have your ending. Your ending is the crazy Norwegian in the helicopter chasing a dog for no apparent reason, right?

right but the way that it was just like her yes and then him yeah and then it then it just ends so i'm like so i I agree with you on that because I felt very much like they were trying to recreate J.P. McCready and Giles. doing their their kind of standoff there at the end of the original thing and oh okay that that is what it is and there's a lot of like conspiracy theories about

Who was breathing and who wasn't and who was the thing and who wasn't. No, we're never going to get a correct answer on that. That's up to you. You have to decide who the thing was in that scene. I felt like they were going for... kind of trying to recreate that and I don't know that that can be recreated or necessarily needed to be attempted.

Especially if... Dude, if you're making a prequel, make a linear movie. Just make a good movie. You know what I'm saying? The beauty of the thing is that you... you never know what the fucking thing looks like because it's always something else. Don't, don't show me the thing. Don't show me the thing. Cause you're just going to disappoint me. Don't show me the ship. That's not going to.

I don't want to see the inside of it, definitely. I'll figure that shit out. Make it dark and mysterious. Make it, you know, suspenseful. Keep me on my toes trying to figure out who. I will say that one of the... the the great points of the the prequel was going into the bathroom and finding all of the guy's fillings out of his teeth oh yes you're like oh carpenter never thought of that shit did he And then from there, it just kind of gets a little wacky. So I'm not mad at it. I'll say I was...

80% happy with the Thing prequel. I would say it's definitely worth a watch if you're in some kind of a Thing Lovecraftian mind frame and you need to get into that. By all means, it's definitely worth a watch.

If I had to pick my favorite horror film of all time, Monica, you already know what it is. I don't need to beat you over the head with it. It's the original Night of the Living Dead. Also... compared to a perfect film um also much like the thing has been maligned over the years by a variety of remakes and uh Dogshit sequels and weird spinoffs and the prequels and the Romero trilogy that we all know and love. But we can never quite...

put our finger on whether or not they're all connected and if they are, how and why and what kind of a timeline would go into it and things like that. I think... You've got to watch... I'm a zombie apocalypse kind of a dude, but it's very cheap to make a zombie apocalypse movie because all you have to do... I mean, goddamn, man. Look at... What is it called? The Walking Dead. We've been dealing with The Walking Dead for what? It feels like 40 years, Monica.

Oh, but at least 20, right? I mean, it just keeps going and spinning off and going into these different directions. And at the end of the day, do we even give a shit about the zombies anymore? No.

Not really. It's all about what's-her-name's daughter and who she's fucking and the other one who's the biker dude and he's going to kick some ass. It's more about what kind of an asshole's... people are going to turn into once the the power grid fails and they have a more significant foe to deal with than just the walking dead so I mean, I get it, and that kind of feeds into Romero's original, I guess, vision of the Night of the Living Dead and the dead movies, per se, but...

At the same time, man, I like zombies that are looking to fucking eat you. And there's no questions after that. You know what I mean? And that kind of feeds into the original Night of the Living Dead. And that's kind of the importance of that movie. And I don't want to go off on like a weird political tangent, but we saw a lot of firsts with Night of the Living Dead. We had the first black hero. We saw the first time ever a black man strike.

a white woman on film that caused a ridiculous backlash given the time frame that it was made in. It was actually released on the same night. of the assassination of martin luther king jr which in turn created a whole

social movement behind it. And that led into a... Okay. Don't let me get off on a tangent here because I'm trying to stay focused on horror movies. Okay. That being the... main thing here but a lot of people will call that a very quote-unquote important movie i will call that a zombie apocalypse horror film now Leading up to that, we had a lot of horror films that had an underlying tale to them. Hey, don't do drugs.

Don't go in the woods to have sex with your girlfriend. Don't go into the old dark house. If your car breaks down on the creepy road, I don't know. just stay in the car i guess whatever this one said hey fuck off we'll bring it to you We'll Uber Eats that shit right to your doorstep and it doesn't matter if you're good or bad or what kind of moral compass you have. It's coming one way or another and you have to deal with it. That was what I took away from Night of the Living Dead.

and again this is a movie i saw way younger than i probably should have but it it showed me at my uh i don't know probably four or five year old brain that my parents are not always going to be there to protect me. In fact, they may, in fact, be eaten by zombies. And at that point, I am on my own.

And I can board up the windows and I can go down to the cellar if that's a good idea or a bad idea. I can do whatever I have to do. But at the end of the day, it's up to me to keep my little four or five-year-old ass alive. To a kid is... terrifying and that kind of bleeds into children of the corn also because whether it be zombies or my asinine friends who want to poison the coffee at the coffee shop and try to make ethanol out of dead parents or whatever they were up to

Shit could get real at any moment. And for a kid, that weighs heavily on you. And I know, I know you're getting a snapshot into my troubled, if nothing else, childhood. But this is where I was at that time. I can stay out of the woods at five years old. I can stay out of the dark house at five years old. I can definitely not have sex with anybody because I don't know what sex is at five years old.

But when the zombies are banging on my doors and my windows trying to get in to eat my fucking ass, it's up to me at that point. Now, later on, as we get into Romero's... If you want to call it a franchise or a trilogy or quadrilogy or whatever it is,

Then we get into some political statements. We get into consumerism, being trapped in a shopping mall and the things of that. We get into the military-industrial complex, and we think the military is... here to protect us in fact they're uh keeping us under their thumbs in a weird way in day of the dead but that all comes way down the line here we're dealing right now with the original night of the living dead which brought the zombies to your doorstep. Yes.

Zombies up to that point had not been really considered zombies. I mean, we'd seen zombies on film. We had White Zombie circa 1956 with Bela Lugosi. But the zombies in that movie were more like weird... underpaid labor in a weird way? Yeah. Automatons? Yeah, they weren't nothing like these zombies. No, they owned and operated a sugar mill. They were like small business. They were entrepreneurs, really. And that was more about getting the tourists to be your sex slave.

Because the plantation owner wanted a quote-unquote white zombie, the hottie that came down on her honeymoon, so that I think he could bang her, which is gross. Is that necrophilia? I don't know. Yes, it is. Well, I don't know if she was actually dead. That's a whole thing. We're not going to get into that. I don't know, man. It's been a whole thing.

uh monica what off the top of your head what do you think is the worst horror movie you've ever seen oh my god that's a hard question right yeah because i've seen plenty But I think as horror fans, we give horror films a certain level of gratuity. Like, we can watch a bad horror movie and be like, ah, you silly fucks, get out of here. But if we went and watched Fast and Furious 9 and it was just nothing but...

you know, stupid Vin Diesel with his shirt off chasing the rock around. Okay. Okay. That's terrible. That's bad. That's really bad. Never going to watch that again, but I can sit through sorority babes in the slime ball bowl of Rama. a hundred times and still love it even though i know damn well it's a bad movie so there's a weird for especially for us horror film film fan horror fanatics i should call us there is a fine line between um so bad it's good

and just bad to the point it pisses you off. Give me a movie that pissed you off. Oh, a movie that pissed me off. God. And there's a lot of reasons to get pissed off. I'm trying to think. I know a lot of people I feel unjustly point to the 2017 Tom Cruise classic. The Mummy. Oh, thank you for bringing that up. I hate that movie. That's a popular go-to.

Oh, my God. It was a horrible movie. Is it really that bad, though? Yes, it was that bad. You think so? It wouldn't have mattered if Tom Hardy was in that movie. It wouldn't have helped. I agree. I'm going to agree with you. It's bad. There's not a lot of redeeming qualities to that movie. I agree. The only thing that was worth watching was poor Russell Crowe in that movie. I rather enjoyed Sophia Batella. I thought she was saucy. I know you do. Especially in the opening sequences.

I don't care if she's a dude or not, Monica. Oh! I was just going to say, the parole officer watched this movie before Halloween, and I was so angry and... just disgusted that he was watching it and I had to sit there and watch it, was An American Werewolf in Paris. Okay. I brought this up. I think it was last show. Oh, you did?

Yeah, it was either the last show or the show before. I don't remember if you were on the episode. Okay, it's bad. That's another one. It's bad. It's a bad movie. I cannot argue that point because you're right. You're absolutely right. It's a terrible movie. What I would say, if I had to apologize for that movie, is, number one, the werewolf effects were borderline cartoonish. Yes. That's the worst part of the movie.

Well, I think we're talking 2000, no, not even 2000, like 98, 97, somewhere in there, where we have just discovered CGI. And we are going to push that to the fucking limits because it seems cutting edge at the time. What I would say, the redeeming quality of that film, if there is one, is that it is actually very funny. There's a lot of funny moments in there.

Oh, I'm glad you thought something was funny in that movie. It angered me. Okay. No, the first time I saw it, it pissed me off too. You know what I think the biggest part that pissed me off? was when they do the bungee jump down the Eiffel Tower to where he catches the girl that just threw herself off. Now, I've seen pictures of the Eiffel Tower. I think we all have. And I think we all know it just doesn't go straight up and down, right? Yeah. Yeah, so that doesn't actually work.

Yeah, and even the end part where they jump and they're not tied off. Yeah, no. You're going to end up sliding down most of that. You know, and the fact that... He was like a creepy rapist because he didn't take no for an answer the first time. There is that. Yeah. See, I thought I kind of got a little chuckle out of that. I'm sorry. I know that makes me a creeper in a weird way, but you've got to give them points for persistence, right? Oh. I just, ever since...

Seeing that guy, and I think this guy played in an 80s movie with Molly Ringwald, a teenage movie where they got pregnant at a young age or something. That sounds accurate. Then when he came into this movie, oh my God, I couldn't even stand looking at him at this point. No? I never want to see this guy in another movie. Oh, wow. I wouldn't say it's his fault. I mean, I felt like what they were trying to do was recreate American Werewolf in London. They wanted a nice mix of werewolf...

plus humor, plus like this weird, awkward romance situation. You know, kind of like they had in American Werewolf in London, but... The CGI was what killed it for me the most. I would have to agree. But watching it now, I got some chuckles out of it. I thought that was some funny stuff.

Okay, that's another one that'll piss you off. There's a lot of movies that piss me off. I don't think anything, since we were already talking about zombie apocalypse movies, people know... that uh diary of the dead is in my opinion the worst film ever made and it's not the worst

like look like so bad it's good it's the worst that there is so much stupid shit going on in this movie and the fact that it was made by george romero makes it even worse in a way because he is an accomplished film director He knows what he's doing. Like, zombies are his bread and butter. And there are so many plot holes and dumb shit plot devices in this movie. It just...

It's almost as if Stanley Kubrick tried to make a Saturday afternoon after school special, but it just didn't make sense. You know what I mean? Is this the one where they're on the bus? Yes. It's an RV, actually. Okay. Yeah. And it's supposed to be quote unquote found footage, but it's like edited with like a score behind it. How the fuck does that make sense, Monica? If it's found footage, nobody's going to score it.

There's not going to be a musical accompany to it. I think he just pumped this movie out so there'd be a movie out there. Okay. That could be right. I feel the same way about Rob Zombie's 31. I felt like that... Okay, I love Rob Zombie. I would say... 31 is probably his weakest offering movie-wise. And the reason I say that is because I think he openly admitted...

It was like an experiment to see if he could crowdfund a movie, which he did. Oh, okay. Being the sucker that I am, I threw like 400 bucks at it, and I got the whole limited edition. 31 blu-ray steel book all the fun shit that comes with it i got a t-shirt that was signed by somebody i don't know um but i think like he openly admits that he wrote the script in like three days just to see if he could do it. So that being said... Yeah, but if you...

If we look at it that way, I would still say 31 is better than Diary of the Dead. Oh, no, I agree. I agree with you on that. Yeah. It's got more storyline and some more action in it. No, I agree. I agree 100%. Like Diary of the Dead will be my all-time piss-me-off movie of all time. I just, I'll never. Yeah, I think when I started that movie, I was just kind of like, what the fuck is this movie? I need death.

right away i almost feel personally offended by diary of the dead you know what i mean it's almost like somebody called me the n-word and i'm not even black so I don't know how that works, actually. I don't know why I said that. But up until that movie came out, I was a George Romero guy. Who's the best director of all time? George Romero.

And this is after Land of the Dead, which has its flaws, and I'm not going to argue that point with you, but I would still say there is merit to Land of the Dead. But then he comes back with Diary of the Dead. And at that, I can no longer defend you, George. After that, there's no excuse for that. There is none whatsoever. Now, take, for example, John Carpenter.

He made some great movies, some movies that we grew up with, Monica. We love them. We hate them. Some of them are bad. Some of them are good. But we still, you know, it's John Carpenter. Then he puts out a movie called The Ward. Have you seen The Ward? I think I have. It's got Amber Heard in it.

The Ward. It's basically about a young lady that gets put into a mental institution. She has like a loose sisterhood with some of her... fellow inmates and then they start dying one at a time it's not a good movie it's not a good movie at all john carpenter directed it um he has come out Said basically he did it for the money because, you know, his career was over and he needed to pay the bills and he had kids in college. Fair enough. That's fine. That's fine. I'm with you there, John Carpenter.

it wasn't his script wasn't his directorial best obviously not a good movie but not disappointing on the level of diary of the dead because you can watch the ward and say this is not a good movie but it's got a coherent coherent linear storyline we're following one character we're tracking her journey through this mental institution situation where murders are happening and that's fine it it basically feels like he was paid to make a hallmark horror movie not a good show

Now, George Romero, on the other hand, made an independent movie, which means that he funded it. He produced, directed, handled... 99% of the cinematography on this thing. And what he came up with was Diary of the Dead, which does not make a lick of sense and is borderline insulting on so many levels. Like...

Oh, my God. It's as bad as like, I love Cabin Fever, but Cabin Fever 2? Oh my God. Okay. If you want to go down the cabin fever train, I will say cabin fever two. I laughed a lot during Cabin Fever 2, as opposed to the Cabin Fever remake, which was bananas. Have you seen the remake, Monica? Yes, I have, and I hated it. I hated it also, but I did fall somewhat in love with sexy, hot female Officer Winston.

When she comes out, she's like, oh, you're the party man, aren't you? You want to party? I was like, okay. All right, we may have something here.

we may have something here worth watching let me just hang out for a second uh cabin fever 2 was silly cabin fever 2 struck me as very much just a comedy um you still had the uh the uh whatever it was the flesh-eating virus going and then we saw writer strong get run over and then the shit goes into the stream and then it goes into the fucking uh the high school um

I felt like there's 99% comedy. It was actually directed by Ty West. I don't know if you know that. He was so... despondent with the final product after the the studios did their takes and retakes and twists on the editing that he actually removed his name from the project and did what's called an alan smithy thing are you familiar with this monica no so when it when

Anybody in Hollywood takes part in a project, be it acting, directing, producing, and then when they see it, before it's released... If they are so pissed off at it, they can actually remove themselves. Even after all the work they've done, they can remove their name from the project. And then they will use the pseudonym Alan Smithy instead. Oh, okay. So if you watch Cabin Fever 2, it says directed by Alan Smithy. It was actually Ty West that did it.

And anytime you see the name Alan Smithy on any movie, just know that it pissed somebody off to the point where they don't even want to be associated with it anymore and don't want their name anywhere near it. Kind of a cool little fun fact there for you. Yeah, I don't blame them. I didn't think it was. It was a comedy. I think Ty West had more of a horror film in mind, and he didn't like the finished product. Fair enough.

The part with the fat chick in the pool, I thought that was hilarious. I'm sorry. I apologize.

I was not, I'm, you know, if, if I know there's a movie, uh, okay. Like, uh, what's the name of that Bill Murray zombie movie? Yeah. It had, uh, the dead don't die. Yeah, okay, so when I watch that, I'm expecting humor. Like, okay, this is going to be a fun movie to watch. But when I see Cabin Fever, you fuckers, that's not a comedy movie. There's no comedy in there. Did you find comedy in The Dead Don't Die? Yeah. Did you? I wanted to.

I just could not, especially with the ending, man, when they all just stand up and they're like, hey, this is a zombie movie. We're all zombies? Is that what we're doing? Okay, we're all zombies now. I felt like... Number one, I'm not smart enough to understand. Like, even the parts with Selena Gomez and her traveling chucklehead stoner group. I'm like...

Okay, but we're talking about zombies, dudes. Should we at least act like we're nominally concerned with what's going on? Because I don't know. I feel like this is Beavis and Butthead. kind of do zombies but they just don't they're more interested in making cock and ball jokes i don't know man i didn't i i think i probably need to revisit that one but uh

A lot of highbrow humor going on there, I felt like. Well, it's, yeah, if you get Bill Murray's sense of humor, then you kind of get it. You would think you would, right? And he played Bill Murray. He was like, oh, zombies. Okay. I don't know. But I don't know. I should probably rewatch that one. I haven't seen it in a long time.

Right on, Monica. One more question before we wrap up the big 7-0-0 here. I'm going to put you on the spot here, kiddo. This is going to be a tough question. You take your time. I'll offer my two cents here before we're done. Who is your favorite co-host here in the padded room? Oh, well, that is a no-brainer. Okay, I'm going to disqualify myself. Oh, I got to disqualify you? Yeah, yeah. No, I'm not a co-host. I'm the big man. Oh, you're the boss. You're the boss.

Of all the people that we've been on with, all the guest hosts, the celebrity interviews we've done. the uh you know people that have come through the revolving door if i if i could uh resurrect somebody or or get somebody on the blower right now who would it be well you know it would have to be buddy because he's he's was the one that i was you know sitting next to the longest yes so uh and he was you know easygoing totally yeah

So I would have to say it was him. Buddy, I love that. I'm into Buddy. Yeah. I mean, I dig Dusty now with his manly voice. Dude, I just want him to tell me a bedtime story. That's all I want. Just one bedtime story. I'll be asleep in the first 14 seconds easily. Yeah, I agree. Did you ever listen to any of those Buddy Smut talk shows that he did for Patreon? I listened to a couple of them, but I was not. No. Yeah. I couldn't, man. They were just too creepy.

Yeah. Especially knowing, because he would come over and he would sit in my guest room and record those by himself. And I was like, okay, let me listen to one. Let me see what the fuck he's talking about. Hey. And then he slipped his big old cock right into her mouth. Oh, God, buddy. You're creeping me out with this. And I'm listening to this while I'm driving down the road. It's freaking me right out. I can't do it. Yeah.

If I had to pick my favorite – I don't know if I would call him a guest host or – I would just refer to him as padded room royalty at this point. It would be the late, great Gracie's poppy. Oh, yes. He always had... Something to say. He always made us all laugh. His... intolerance of me and my asinine uh immersion therapy picks it got to a point where i was purposefully picking bad movies just because i knew he was going to light me up on the next episode

The way he brought his family into the show. And we had Sarah with us here for quite a while leading up to his passing. I think he taught us all. A lot about, like, not just the journey of the podcast, but, like, I don't know who we are. Like, just... We're all just people out here floating. At the end of the day, inmates, I'm just a voice coming through your various devices, your car speakers or whatever. But we...

We can be much more than that, you know? And when he left us, man, that was like I never expected to start this stupid show. that I started as a hobby and something to occupy my time. It was really what I referred to as nerd poker. because I don't play poker, but I would love a reason to get together with my friends once a week. So this kind of became my horror nerd poker thing because my wife was too busy at the time. And it was just a reason for us to hang out.

But when we're hitting on such a level to where we're actually connecting and we're helping this young lady get through. The passing of her father. Holy shit, man. You're going to make me cry. I'm starting to tear up myself, you motherfucker. That was something. I mean, we have seen some people come and go, but not like that. And we never came together like we did on that night.

yeah that was fucking something monica and that uh you know that was never anything i set out to accomplish but we did it we did it together and we uh we're still here today and i'm glad that you came back And I'm glad that those of you that have chose to hang out with us throughout the 14 years and the 700 fucking episodes that we have put out together are still here. We ain't going nowhere.

I'm going to be here right here behind my microphone talking about the dumbest fucking horror movies you can imagine and hopefully some good ones here in the mix. We might hit on some good ones every now and then. Heck yeah. And this is where we're going to be, bro. That's all there is to it. So I think we can end it on somewhat of a high note with that.

Yeah, join us next week. We're going to kick off. What the fuck are we doing next week, Monica? Yeah, what are we doing for the month of November? That's a good question, man. We need to finish out the showcase. the year who would you like to do for for november oh man um

Should we, since we didn't have like very many answers to pop up, should we do ghost movies? Like some that we've never watched or haven't watched in a million years? Well, we were kind of doing like a... showcase thing where we were picking like one horror actor director personality I was going to say John Carpenter, but we already did Tom Atkins Month, and that's basically the same thing, right? Oh.

Who's been in a lot of horror movies? Well, we did Tom Savini. We did Bela Lugosi. Did we do... We did Linnea... Did we do Linnea Quigley? I think we did. We could do a Wes Craven month. We could do a Clive Barker month. We could do a Troma month. Oh, God. I don't know if I want to do that. Oh, yeah. We could do – we brought up Eli Roth. We could do an Eli Roth month. We could do –

Oh, you know what? Let's do Wes Craven just because he's got such a long list. He's got a pretty good pedigree. What is the first Wes Craven movie that you remember seeing, Monica? Oh, well, honestly, I'm gonna have to say it with Nightmare on Elm Street. Let's do it. Great. Let's do it. We're going to do that one. Yeah, let's do it. We'll start. We'll start right there. The original nightmare on Elm street next month or next week. And mates joining us for a West Craven month.

Nightmare on Elm Street. We will figure out the rest of the schedule and we'll go from there. It's West Craven month here in the padded room, inmates, in November.

In the meantime, for Miss Monica, Monica, you got anything else to say after the big 7-0-0? I can't. I'm just, like, I'm thrilled that it's... been 700 episodes and i'm like yeah glad to be back it's exciting to like fucking trash these movies Ha ha ha. Hey, we're going to find some good ones, all right? And we're not going to scrape the bottom of the barrel for West Craven. No, no, I don't mean it like that. It was just a saying. But, yeah, there's no better place.

I'd rather be on a Tuesday night. Monica will find all of the physical flaws in the main actress, be it a weird eyebrow, an earlobe that is slightly off kilter. Perhaps some chapped lips. She's going to find them. She's going to point them all out for us. That's why she's here. Join us next week for A Nightmare on Elm Street Inmates. In the meantime, like, comment, subscribe if you're up to it. If not, we don't really care anymore.

In that being said, for Dusty in absentia, Buddy in absentia, Nurse Nicole in absentia, Dr. Dale, multiple mics, Irma Gersh, Julie Hoverson. uh mike cadaver shane diablo uh josh cummins um fucking uh that those the uh mandy from uh Oh, God damn. She's Canadian. She does the paranormal thing. The guy's in Buffalo. Alan from Wicked Wednesdays and his wife, Shelly. Jesse Bollinger, also from, what do they call it? Bump in the Night.

All of the padded room constituents for 700 episodes. I'm afraid visiting hours are over. Bye-bye.