The Padded Room Podcast Ep.681 (The Haunted Palace)

There was another one I saw that was like four fumbles on one play.

is back in your iPods or iPhones or other listening devices. My name is Darian. I have returned for another week of horror bullshit. My main man Dusty is here. We'll be right back. You can't do anything on it other than music, really. Yeah. Remember those days? Yep. Remember the old, what was it? Shuffle? Yeah, the shuffle. That little thing that clipped on your shirt? Yeah! That's great. You can put about 25 songs on there. And then...

If you wanted to change it, you had to go find your laptop. Yep. You had to upload all your CDs onto the... Okay. Took your whole thing. Yep. It took two days to upload all your CDs onto iTunes. I still have my whole thing. I do too. It weighs about 400 pounds. Yeah, it's one of those big books that sat in your passenger seat with you when you were driving to school. Oh, we're old as fuck, Dusty. We are old men. That's all right. We aged well.

Like a fine wine. Like a fine wine or possibly white wine vinegar. I don't know. How was your Father's Day, dude? It was good. It was relaxing. Went up to a clay or a gray eagle and just... Sat around my buddy's house, played some golf with the dads, and yeah, it was good. It was nice. Nice. Kids left you alone? They did. Wife leave you alone? Yes, they...

They pampered us a bit, cooked us breakfast. Oh, look at you. Yeah, it was good. Nice, very nice. That's one day of the year. Yeah, I know, I know. Rest of the day, rest of the year, who gives a shit? No, I'm known as Cookie around the camp part, so. Yeah. Let me tell you something. My kids chipped in. and got me, I think, probably the best possible Father's Day present ever. Okay. It is a backscratcher, but I have to tell you, this is like the Mercedes-Benz backscratchers.

This fucking thing, I can scratch all the way down to the ass crack. Perfect. It comes with several different heads that I can attach. It came like in an attache case that you pop open and it's got like the, you know what I mean, the styrofoam in there. Yeah, so like you look like an assassin pulling out your sniper rifle? Yeah, actually it's just eczema, but you know, this is serious backscratcher, dude. I was highly, I was like, oh god.

Not to mention that they have broken five of my previous backstretchers. This one's got the strength. Yeah. Titanium steel monogrammed on the grip. Dude. You scratch my back, I scratch yours. That's what it should say. Enjoy your eczema is what it really should say. Here's some talcum powder. Next time don't shave your back. That's what it is. It spoils. And I've got to do something about that. Gross.

All right, man. Well, we got a regular horror show to get into here besides me and my back pimples. How about some horror news and listener mail and all the usual fun stuff? I say we kick it off with a little horror news, amigo. I concur, Dr. Brock. Horror news. Alright, go ahead.

Alright, so Lionsgate might have found the next actor to play Patrick Bateman in the new American Psycho movie. Okay. Did you read this? I did not. Do you know who was in the front running for it? Okay, so if I had to pick somebody right off the top of my head, I probably... Probably go Tom Hiddleston. Yes, he would be good. I agree. But they chose differently. Okay. So according to the report... Just don't tell me it's a lady.

Oh, no. I'm going to jump right out of the window. No, we're not gender swapping Patrick Bateman. Okay, thank you. I'll jump right out of that fucking window. It's not Patricia Bateman, no. All right, go ahead. All right, so according to the new report, Gen V and the White Lotus Season 3 star Patrick Schwarzenegger.

Arnold Schwarzenegger's son is reportedly being considered for the leading role in Lionsgate's newest film adaptation of Brett Easton Ellis' 1991 black horror comedy novel, American Psycho. Very cool. I'm into that. He's a handsome devil, that Schwarzenegger. I think he'll do good. And this was actually some fan had basically fan cast him. Okay. And he replied back on Twitter, or I guess it's X now. Yeah. And he basically replied back to the...

Tweet. I think they're called tweets still. I have no idea. The post. The post. And said, I would love to. And then supposedly Lionsgate said, Hey, that's a good idea. Okay. And gave him a buzz. Okay. So I'm just going to start rattling off random fan castings. Yeah. It's going to be mostly adult actresses. But still, if I can make something happen, Dusty. Well, yeah. I feel like I should.

get like a 13% finders fee. Exactly. Yeah. Intellectual idea. That's what it is. That's what it is. Yeah. Intellectual properties. Intellectual properties. Yep. Okay. I agree. And that's all I had. It's kind of been a slow week for horror news, buddy. Okay. All right. Well, I got a few things here. I'm sure you do. Robert Eggers. You know the name? Nosferatu. Oh, yeah. The Vich. The Lighthouse, which I'll never understand.

A couple other things. He's going to be directing A Christmas Carol for Warner Brothers. Okay. Is it supposed to be horror? I would make an argument that A Christmas Carol is fucking horror to begin with. Sure. It's got a ghost. A bunch of ghosts. Show you what a fuck-up you are. You're a greedy prick. It definitely lends itself to becoming more horrific, depending on which way you go with it. Yeah, he's going to go full gothic, freak you right the hell out.

What's his name? Patrick Stewart was a little on the edgy side. I mean, it's hard to compete. With Bill Murray, Buster Poindexter, Bobcat Goldway in Scrooge. The best. The best ever. We watch it every year. Of course, as you should.

Ryan Murphy is teasing the return of Sarah Paulson for the final season of American Horror Story. The final. They're done with this one. They're saying that this is going to be the end of American Horror Story. might continue with American Horror Stories. So that's cool if you're really into it. I watched the first season, I think, and that was... The Red Queen watched a second, and she was just like, meh. So I never gaggled it. It's hard, because what I found is...

that they try to shoehorn in so much into like 30 minutes and it gets very busy. Gotcha. Not enough time to flesh out the characters and whatnot. Exactly right. Gotcha. You've seen it. You love it. I know you do. Fright Night. Mm-hmm. The original. Oh, yeah. Did you ever see the remake? Yes. I was not. McLovin? Yeah. And... Colin Farrell. Yes. Yes. Not bad. No. Not bad. I thought it was good. It took itself a little too seriously, if you ask me.

Yeah, it tried to be, the original Fright Night was more, I would even venture to say horror comedy-ish. Oh yeah, totally. But yeah, this one tried to be more on the darker side. Yeah, a little more sexy. Walking around. I think the funniest part about it was the guy that played, you know. Evil. No. He was good, too. McLuhan is evil. But the guy that was the magician on the Las Vegas show. Yes, yes. He was great. He was replacing the guy that was from the Fright Night show. Yeah.

A Fright Night prequel novel is in the works, and it's going to take place in the 1970s Manhattan. Okay. So I assume it's going to be some kind of Jerry Dandridge... Origins, possibly, or something like that. Yeah. I don't know. I'd read it. I'm into it. So there's that for you. When's that coming out? It doesn't say.

Oh, okay. But it's in the world. It's been greenlit and there you go. You just have to remember it then. Yes. Okay. Blumhouse's The Woman in the Yard hits Peacock on June 27th. Okay. Next weekend? I saw the trailers. interesting uh it is it reminds me a lot what was that one we watched a couple weeks ago where the uh the small town and there's the ghost that shows up in the yard and there's like a support group yeah um

I know exactly what you're talking about. What is it? Oh, I forgot. And yeah, they're going to AA. Yeah, and they all tell their stories about... What the hell was the name of that? I know, so it must have not have stuck for you. No, it wasn't that great, but...

But I know exactly what you're talking about. That's the vibe I'm getting from the woman in the yard. Lastly, it looks like Late Night with the Devil is getting the Steelbook treatment this August. That's a good one. I already have it on Blu-ray. I don't know. I'm going to work that into the 31 for 31. That's a good call. It's great. I like that one. Right on. I'm into that. I might shell out the books.

For a steelbook? For a steelbook of late 90s. We know our good buddy Jason Harrell's going to do that. He's probably already pre-ordered it. Yeah, guaranteed. He's gotten three different covers to choose from. He's going to buy all three. I'd like to see his new... Set up with his CD Steelbook collection. Magnetic strips. Oh, so cool. Come back to us, Jason. I know. Get the fuck out of Tennessee. What are you doing in Tennessee, you son of a bitch?

All right, that's all we got on Horror News. You ready for some listener mail? Let's do it. All right, Dusty, we actually have an email this week. All right. All the way from Sydney, Australia, this motherfucker. All right. Has not written to us in like nine months. Can I guess who? Sure. Is it Crocodile Dundee? You knew it. I nailed it. You knew it, yep. Boom. Paul Hogan, baby. It's old Mick Dundee. God damn it. It's Tim. All right, Tim. Subject line, it's been too long.

Hello Darian, Buddy, and Dusty. How's things with you? It's been a while since we last spoke and I apologize. Life has been absolutely kicking my ass over here and I've just lost track of time but I'm still listening every week. I honestly haven't got that much to say. I've barely had time to watch anything, but I will bring a couple to the table.

Predator, Killer of Killers. Animated Predator movie, not bad. We get a look at the Predator fighting history's greatest warriors. It's decent, I enjoyed it, but I prefer live action Predator film. Sinners, so far the film of the year for me. Do yourself a favor and watch this now. I agree. Don't watch the trailer. Go in blind and enjoy greatness. That's all I've got. I will do my best to write next week, but I love you and hope you all are doing well.

Well, right on, Tim. It's good to hear from you, dude. Yeah. Glad you're still alive over there in the outback or wherever you are. So he's in winter right now, huh? They don't really have winter. No winter. They have summer and then slightly less summer. I got you. Yeah, so we need to go down there and just sell sunscreen.

Like wholesale, I think, is the way to do it. No, I need to do bug repellent. Bug repellent, too. Giant face-eating spiders they have living down there. Like spears, like fucking harpoon guns. Shit like that. Right on, Tim. Thanks for writing in, amigo.

Looks like we've got a couple of voicemails here, Dusty. All right. All right. I say we kick things off with our main man in Alabama. Here comes Alan. Alan. Padded room, what's up? Hope everybody's doing good. Let's see. I watched, I went and watched that Mask of the Red Death. I actually really liked it. I thought the, like, old ninja dudes were cool. Okay.

And, man, Prospero, when he got to the village at the first movie he got out, I was like, damn, he stole Dolomite's wardrobe. Anyway, let's see. He did. Haunted movies were... Audit location. What about that Korean asylum? I can't remember. Oh, Gone Jam Asylum. That one's nasty. The Woods in Bucketsville. Bucketsville. the Amityville house, but the original, not all the spinoffs and whatnot. And could you possibly be Wendigo? Oh, you got it! You son of a bitch.

Party will say antlers, but I know it ain't antlers. But I think it's something to do with a Wendigo. It is Wendigo. Anyway, talk to you later. Hope everybody had a good Father's Day, all that good stuff. Bye. Beautiful. Thanks for calling in, Alan. Thanks, Alan. He got me. Have you ever seen a movie called Wendigo? I haven't seen it, huh? Okay. Stand by for next month. All right. Right on, Alan. Thanks for calling in, man. Here comes Mr. Tom Hardy.

I'm Hardy. Hey, yo. Hey, yo. Padded room. My favorite degenerates this week. We're hanging. I do hope everyone is doing well. Hey, just wanted to get in real quick. Yeah. Got me on the educating. It's a tough one. I don't think I've seen this. I hope I haven't seen it. flick it's always easier when you haven't seen it you don't fucking miss it like pitting the goddamn pendulum i can't believe i fucking missed that me neither man anyhow what's the matter with you on for the uh fucking

The meat hooks there, the haunted locations. Let me just fucking rattle three. I mean, number one's got to be The Shining. Overlook. Fucking love that flick, whether it's a ghost movie, a psychological thriller. Maybe nothing supernatural is happening. Maybe he's just a fucking killer. Could be that, too. You can see that movie a hundred different ways, and it's still fucking good. I love that flick. Me, too.

Man, I stand by it. Give me the Overlook Hotel. Put me down for fucking Gorgia. Was it Gorgia? Haunted Asylum. That's a bad motherfucker right there. That was a good one, man. And the other one's a new flick for me or a new view for me as well. Fucking Last Ships put me down in the police station. They were closing down. Hell yeah. Anyway, that's all I got. I've been super fucking busy with everything down here. I would imagine.

Hope all is well. Love you. Bye. Hey, you stay safe down there. Yep. Tom Hardy. Yeah, I completely spaced Gongium Asylum. You've never seen it? I've never seen it. Immersion Therapy. All right. There it is. We'll do it. Hit that up. That's all we got on the listener mail, amigo. You got anything for Tim, Alan, or Tom Hardy? No, thanks for calling and writing in, guys. Good to hear from you. You guys are the best. You already knew that, though. Let's get into a movie there, Dusty. Sounds good.

You are invited to an open house where horror will be your host. The Haunted Palace. You, who find a kind of macabre joyousness in the horrifying, will enjoy yourselves as in ecstasy in The Haunted Palace. Starring Vincent Price, a being who lived and died and lives again. I'll not have my fill of revenge until this village is a graveyard. And intriguing Deborah Padgett.

whose appealing beauty inflames the blood of the bloodless. Charles, please. I've been very busy, but I'm back now. Charles. We have the whole night before. His violent, torturous passions inflict both pain and terror. Lon Chaney. carrying on a family tradition of masterful motion picture horror, while the strange and feared new master of the haunted palace reaches for the skeleton of one long dead. She's taken her mind, her soul, just like the others. This is how great...

my curse. Burn him! Surely after all these years I'm entitled to a few small amusements.

Oh, Dusty, it's The Haunted Palace from 1963. That it is. This one got 6.7 stars on IMDb. It's directed by Roger Corman, written by Charles Beaumont, adapted from an H.P. Lovecraft story. Stars Vincent Price, Deborah... Now, this is an adaptation of a story written by H.P. Lovecraft called The Case of Charles Dexter Ward. Um... It's one of his longer...

Short stories? Yeah, but he wrote it in a serial fashion and released it through Weird Tales magazines. This one is one of his longest works altogether. And this movie actually is surprisingly accurate to the source material. So that's cool. Where did Edgar Allen Poe come into play here?

This has nothing to do with Edgar Allen Poe. It's said on the credits. So there's a story by Edgar Allen Poe called The Haunted Palace. Oh, okay. It has nothing to do with this. Gotcha. They just gave him credit in the credits because of the name. Yes. So... Basically, AIP Pictures had a deal with Roger Corman to do a bunch of Vincent Price, Edgar Allan Poe adaptations. Gotcha. Eight...

Of them, I believe, in total, you had Mask of the Red Dead, Fall of the House of Usher, Pit and the Pendulum. The Raven. The Raven. I think there was a Telltale Heart. thing it wasn't called telltale hard it was called something else but anyway this one kind of corman kind of snuck this one in under the radar his uh requirements of yes exactly okay um It's fine. Basically, this one is... Having watched any of those other movies, would you know the difference?

No, of course not. It's the same. I mean, unless you're some kind of an HP Lovecraft dork like me. Who knows the story and the source material? It's a fucking other Edgar Allan Poe thing. Who cares, right? Well, very Lovecraft-y he gets into it. I mean, we'll get into it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So we start off in the village of Arkham.

So, holy shit. Already we're in Lovecraft country, dude. Either that or possibly Batman country. Village of Arkham, circa colonial times, like 1700s. We have a black magic ritual in play. Holy shit. Vincent Price is there, and he plays a guy by the name of Joseph Kerwin. And he is going to raise, or he's going to attempt anyway, to raise the old gods. Old gods, yep. Very scary, very creepy stuff. I don't know what their problem is, the old gods, or what their deal is. He's...

From what he was kind of saying, he's just basically, he wanted to do it to just be the greatest accomplishment of humankind. Yeah. Well, it would end humanity. Yeah, exactly. I mean, I don't see how that really works, but if you say so. Right on. What he's got to do is sacrifice a bunch of hot chicks to this big pit thing he has underneath his palace.

I mean, he's on the point of doing that, but the local villagers are getting pissed off because this is all of their daughters and wives and sisters and shit. Get out the torches and pitchforks, baby. You gotta do it, dude. You gotta do it. But he's putting it down, man. He gets these chicks.

and they just kind of walk off in the middle of the night, of their own accord, march themselves right up to his haunted palace. Why wouldn't they? And he just kind of has his way with them. I know! If there was a haunted palace here, I'd be first in line. Yeah. Hey, can I come in and put...

I live in this Thatched roof dump And I'm getting invited up to the palace Yes I am sick of picking up horse shit all day What do I got to do to get in there It's stupid but that's how it goes down unfortunately the local tavern uh

cronies, whatever you call them. Oh, they're all the guys hanging out having a beer. Yeah, of course. Getting pissy because he's luring all their women up there. That fucking sucks. That's grounds for pitchforks and torches, buddy. I mean, this is before Facebook, so you can't just give them a thumbs down. Thumbs down, no.

Jomi really are upset with his actions with a torch. I don't care for this. I don't care for it at all. So, yeah, they see one of the local hotties walking off in the middle of the night, and they're like, oh, shit, there goes another one. So the posse rounds up and they decide to follow her right up to the palace. She goes in. There's a couple other hotties already there waiting for her. One, yeah. Yeah. His main squeeze. Yeah, not the side piece, but the main piece. Dude, that's 18...

I got to get my wife to go to a renaissance fair. For a bustier? Yeah, but then I have to dress up like one of those homos, and I don't want to do that. You're going to have to get yourself some tights and buckled shoes there. and a silly hat this is why bullying is important because every now and then I get a stupid shit idea and I need my ass kicked when I get one of these anyway

Yeah, so the black magic ritual is there. He's got a couple of henchmen down there. He's got his hot little Elvira-esque vixen that's actually his main squeeze. And he's going to sacrifice the blonde to the thing in the pit.

And this is when the assholes of the village show up with their pitchforks and their torches. They basically drag him outside and light him on fire. They don't really burn the place down, but they do a good amount of damage. They go in there and ransack the place. And that's the story of the haunted palace. The confrontation was pretty funny, though. When they come to the door. Yeah.

I don't know what you're talking about. She's here. She's right there, though. She's right there. Oh, yeah. Oh, you mean her? Well, she came up here on her own. Ask her. Yeah, I came up on my own. She's been bewitched. What is your name? And she doesn't say anything?

Be a witch! A witch! She's a witch! Burn the witch! Now we're going to fast forward exactly 110 years. And we're now in like... I would say early 1900s. It's kind of hard to get like a good time reference because really they're wearing the same clothes that they were wearing a hundred years ago.

Yeah, a little... They didn't have the buckles and the tights. Yeah, they're much more Eddie Bauer now than they were back then. They're gothic. They're more early 1900s. Yeah, so a bunch of dandies. Anyway, here comes... Vincent Price again. And he's got another wife. And he rolls into the village of Arkham. And this place is depressing. There, Dusty. Sure is. First off, it looks like the whole village is on fire the whole time. Because there's just like a...

Good fucking blanket of smoke. It must be in California during the summer months because that place catches on fire. They're in there and nobody comes out of their house. So we find out this is now Charles Dexter Ward. He is inherited.

The Joseph Kerwin Palace. And he's there trying to... He's never been there. He doesn't know who the hell Joseph Kerwin is. He's some distant relative. And he's there trying to find the place. He said it's his great-great-grandfather. Yeah. But he didn't know anything about nothing. Right. He never met him. He's...

in there with his wife trying to find the place. He goes to the local tavern, which, by the way, still has the exact same dudes hanging around. But it's the descendants of the previous generation. That's when I was... Because the kid was watching this with me. Yeah. Just because we're sitting around and nothing else. She's watching. She's all, is those the same guys? I think they're the same actors for sure. I don't know if they're supposed to be the same.

People? Yeah. Maybe because he cursed the town when they were burning him at the tree, right? So I thought, well, maybe he cursed him to live forever? I don't know. That would really suck. I didn't know at that point. But then they get to talking, and they're like,

your grandfather did this, but I'm proud of it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you could find out they are their descendants. They just look exactly like the fuck. It's the same actors. It's the same actors, yeah. I think that would probably be the worst curse ever. Yeah. Working a shit job in a dead-end town.

Hanging out with the same losers. You can never die. Just live in your fucking misery. And we're not going to put a Walmart here, so there'll be no PS5s. Nope. No internet, nothing. Just you and this fucking tavern. Your cops are going to all die. You're just going to be fucked for the rest of your life. going to be forever yeah that sucks all right that really sucks so yeah here we are uh they go into the tavern and they're like hey dudes we're trying to find the uh

Kerwin Place, anybody know where that is? Everybody gives him the cold short immediately. And there's one asshole that is like the king of the assholes in the tavern. And this dude is intense. Which begs the question, what has he been doing the last hundred years?

You know what I mean? Has he just been waiting for this guy to show up so that he could jump his shit? I think just guarding against the curse. They probably pass it down, obviously, from kid to kid to kid. Hey, this dickweed shows back up. You run them out of town. Okay. Something. I don't know. That's not going to lift the curse, though.

If that dickweed shows up, I want... Hey, we're going to be homies. Can you buy you beer? Can you take this curse off? Get the fucking smoke out of here. We're having problems with our children. I got a fucking guy over here with webbed hands. Hey, we can let... let go, right? That was the past. Anyway, everybody gives him the cold shoulder. The king of the dickheads, Ezra Wheaton, is like, you're one of the...

Look at your picture. You look just like the guy. Get out of here, you son of a bitch. You and your family are nothing but a curse to this town. And he's like, whoa, everybody just chill out. I'm just... I inherited a palace. I would like to see the place before I take off.

Everybody gives him the cold shoulder except for one doctor. Doctor shows up and he's like, all right, you Neanderthals. How about we all just take a chill pill? This guy inherited the palace. Maybe we can talk him into bulldozing it or something. Yeah. So he tells... Dexter Ward and his wife how to get to the palace he actually takes them up there himself and then we actually get to see the place

They go up there, they've got to take a carriage through a bunch of fucking smoky roads and past a cemetery. I see where Tim Burton gets a lot of his inspiration from movies like this. But the funny part... He has to go ask for directions in this fucking place. Yeah. And look on the fucking hill. Yeah. It's the biggest building in the area. That one. That one right there. Right there.

The one that looks like a palace? You see any other palaces around here? I think it's that one. You could just go ahead and hoof it up there, but whatever. Anyway, maybe you thought it was an Amazon warehouse. I don't know. Costco? That's what it was. I'm going to get my membership renewed. Yeah, so anyway, they get to the palace. They get inside. It looks exactly like you'd think it would, kind of like a Wayne Manor, but without Alfred there to tidy the place up for a couple 50 years.

First thing they notice when they get inside is a portrait hanging above the fireplace. And it's naturally of Vincent Price. But a very sinister version. Like he's got like sunken in eyes and his skin is kind of gray. And there's like a lightning strike happening behind him. Very creepy. And Dexter is just like, oh, look at that. It looks just like me, huh? And the wife... is like, yeah, this place is pretty creepy. I think we can go ahead and sell it or get rid...

Get out of here. Can we just get out of here? Let's get out of here. Let's go back to Boston. Yeah, and he's like, well, we should at least check the place out first, right? And out comes Lon Chaney Jr., who plays a guy by the name of Simon. Apparently, he's like the caretaker of the place, and he's been keeping the place up the whole time. He was the old guy, or the previous...

What's his name? Vincent Price is the warlock. Yeah. It was his... Kerwin. Yeah, manservant. Yeah. I think that's what it... led you to believe so of course and he's still there yes and he's gray but he looks odd yeah he's greenish gray he's got a gray skin he looks like a batman villain i would say like uh maybe a penguin or something but uh he pops out and he's like oh you

must be uh uh dexter ward right and he's yeah okay well i've been keeping the place up for you and i got a fire going and your beds are all made so you guys just stay here and i'll take care of everything and dexter's like all right well all right i guess We could at least rest a couple of days and check the place out. Maybe there's something worth selling here. In the meantime, he keeps getting drawn back to this portrait above the fireplace, and he just stares at it.

for a while, and then he kind of turns him into a prick. Yeah, so he's looking at it, and then he's looking at it very wide-eyed, and he has this moment where he's just... And then all of a sudden he's got this shitty grin on his face and he's gray. So that's to indicate that he's been possessed now. He's been taken over by... He gets taken over by...

Joseph Kerwin, dude. That's the evil necromancer right there. Scary stuff. I mean, you can be an evil necromancer, but you don't have to be such a passive-aggressive dick. You know what I mean? The passive-aggressive goes away here in a little bit, and he becomes just a full-on dick. Full-on, almost rapey kind of a dude. We'll get to that in a second. He's all pissed off, but...

Apparently, as this is going on, there's an internal struggle between Dexter Ward and Joseph Kerwin. Dexter kind of jumps back. Still fighting for control. Yeah, which is good. But it becomes very evident very quickly that... Kerwin hops back in, takes control of Ward for a few minutes, goes and talks to his boys. He's got like three or four of them now down in the basement or the catacombs. And he knows all the...

Secret passages and how to get down to the secret laboratory and stuff. Yeah, the candlestick twist to open the secret passage. And then you go down to the... sex dungeon or whatever the fuck you do down there. Sacrifice the hotties of the village. Pretty scary stuff, but luckily at this point, Ward can still jump back into his body and

not be as Dickie. So that's great. Ward takes back over. They go down to the village the next day, and they're just kind of cruising around, and this is where we find the other half of the curse of Joseph Kerwin. Apparently, for... generations now anybody that's born in the village gets like a really shitty x-men power yep by that i mean they don't have eyeballs silly putty people yeah oh that sucks dusty you

I don't want to be a silly putty person. No. Basically, you get your eyes covered. You get a really weird nose situation. There's one guy with webbed fingers. He's probably the stud. Yeah, because he can swim. He can swim real good. Sure, sure. You might end up having a child that will turn out to be... The hunchback of Notre Dame. Basically, you've got to keep him in the attic and lock his ass up. Feed him through a little door. That's it, dude. Raw beef.

Anyway, they're walking around the village and slowly all these mutant people just kind of surround them and do like a zombie, almost thriller-esque moment where they kind of start closing in on Dexter Ward and his wife.

they're freaking right out because nobody's saying they're like oh shit there's a girl with no eyeballs there's a guy with one eyeball and a weird fish face yeah uh there's another guy with a crazy nose what the hell and then at the last second before the mutant people get their hands on

and the doctor shows up again, and he's like, whoa, hey, everybody, just go back to your fucking pig pens or whatever you're doing. And this is where we learn that for generations now, children have been born in Arkham with... really sucky mutations. I want, like, the Cyclops... Optic blast. Nope. Or the Wolverine regeneration thing. Don't get anything like that. You get a goddamn pig nose. Silly putty on your eyes. Webbed fingers if you're lucky. Yep. That sucks, man.

He's the captain of the football team, the web finger guys. Yeah, that's Professor X right there. Exactly, he's the best one. And he's a drunk. He's in the fucking tavern complaining to everybody. That sucks, but that's part of the curse of the Kerwins. From there, we're going to learn a little bit more about the ne'er-do-wells that hang around the village.

Yeah, the fucking drunkards, I guess, for lack of a better term. They are the descendants of the original lynch mob, and they have some issues. Ezra, the... The main asshole. He has a son that he has to keep locked up in the attic because he's just completely feral. Mongoloid. Yeah. He's Jason Voorhees, basically. With a little more personality. Ezra...

Elijah Cook Jr., whatever his name was, he's the one with the webbed fingers. And we got some other dudes there. They've all been victim in one way or another to the curse of Kerwin and his... you know, necromancy or whatever. So scary stuff. And now they are 100% sure that Dexter Ward is the reincarnation of Kerwin.

Probably because he looks just like him. And they're kind of working themselves up to the point of, what is he up to? What's going on? We've got to put a stop to this. Well, he's been up there for a couple of days. What's he doing? I don't know. And in the meantime...

Up at the palace, Kerwin and Ward are fighting over the same body. Yes. So Kerwin takes over for a little bit, and he does a little grave robbing there. Him and his cronies. He's got to go dig up his hussy. That's what he wants. I'm down with that. Yeah. I'm down with that. I'm going to tell you right. Well, if I mean, if I'm a necromancer. Sure. And I can have the power to bring back my dead wife with the D cups. Yeah.

I'm going to see what I can do about that. She's not too dead. You know, you put a little Eye of Newt or whatever on her. We'll spruce her up a little bit. So they start grave robbing, dude. And late at night, they're digging them up. They're bringing the coffins back to the castle. Of course they get spotted doing that by the local ass wipes. So that sucks. And now everybody is getting even more suspicious of Dexter Ward. In the meantime, the conflict between Kerwin and Ward continues.

This is where things get a little uncomfortable here, Dusty. Because Kerwin takes over. You can tell because Vincent Price's skin is gray all of a sudden. Yeah, that's what they kind of indicate that he's changed. Yeah, but more to the point, he starts being a real fuckface.

his wife. Oh, yeah. At first, it's like, what are you doing? Stop looking at me. Go back to your bed. Mind your business, woman. You'll leave here in the morning. Do you understand? Okay, go away. Wow. Old romantic. Not some... Child, you need to tell you wherever I go? Yes, do I need to report to you my every action? No, go away. But then, after a couple of nights of that, he's like, Come here, damn you, I want to touch you.

I want to exert my husbandly duties or whatever. Husbandly. Like, what the fuck is that? Oh, my wife would punch me square in the face. I don't think it'd be your face, buddy. Probably not. Probably not. I wear a cup most days just because I never know when I'm going to spout off at the mouth. You know what I mean? There's not a lot of head-to-mouth filters going on up there, is there? Yeah. No, not a lot. Not a lot of that.

But it gets a little rapey and more to the point, the wife is getting super suspicious because periodically she'll catch him getting out of bed in the middle of the night, going downstairs and staring at the portrait and then being a real fuck face after that. In brief moments of Charles Dexter Ward, or Dexter Ward, I mean, he's like oh god what the hell am i doing i don't remember coming down here uh my head hurts uh what the fuck so she's like

Bro, let's call you. Let's get the doctor up here to check you out. What do you say? And he's like, oh, yeah, I guess. I don't know. I'm just so confused lately and tired all the fucking time. So they call the doctor, Dr. Willett. He comes up. And this is where we get a little more backstory on what the hell's going on here. He tells the big tale about how Joseph Kerwin was a practitioner of black magic.

His original wife died during childbirth, so he took the hottest chick in the village who happened to already be married to Elijah Wheaton, the original Wheaton. So that's the... descendant of the main dickhead in the pub. Now we know why he has a reason to be mad at him. Right, but he doesn't really.

I mean, his great-great-grandfather does, but... Well, that's what I'm saying. The original guy. Yeah, well... I'd burn the fucker at the tree, too. Oh, yeah, too. He stole that chick away from me. Yeah, I would definitely give him a bad Yelp review. Haunted Palace, two thumbs down. No way.

so and then after that there was like apparently that wasn't the only chick that just wandered up there in the middle of the night and was never seen again so that all kind of makes sense and we know that Kerwin was in fact

you know, trying to summon elder gods and things like that. Forgot to mention one thing. Hmm. How did he know how to summon elder gods? What does he... have oh well we haven't we haven't gotten that quite that far yet oh i thought they talked about okay sorry because here in a few minutes his grayed out man servants are going to present him that's right with it yes

So watch out for that. And it's not – well, we'll get into that in a second. Anyway, so yeah, very scary stuff. In the meantime, we're getting more and more Joseph – yeah, Joseph Kerwin, less and less Dexter Ward. That sucks for the wife. She really wants to get the fuck out of there. But in a moment of Joseph Kerwinism, we get a little conversation between him and his manservants where he's like,

Oh, he's really fighting it hard, bros. I can only hold on for so long. But he's getting weaker and I'm getting to spend more and more time in his body. What I need you to do is make sure that he doesn't leave here when I'm not here. if that makes sense. So when he's Dexter Ward, keep his ass here no matter what. So, okay. A couple nights later, he goes back to Dexter Ward, and the wife is like, dude.

You need to get the fuck out of here. You're being a real bitch ass about everything and you're sick all the time. You don't remember shit. I don't want to be here. Place gives me the creeps. And he's like, you know what? Yep, you're right. You're right. Let's get out of here. We'll sell the place from Boston, which will work out nicely. But we're not going to hang around here anymore because everybody hates us. Wakes up the next morning, gets their bags packed, walking out the door.

Out comes Lon Chaney, Simon, played by Lon Chaney Jr. He's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, easy there. You're going to leave just like this? And he's like, yeah. You owe me some checks. Yeah, let me get some paperwork for you real quick. You just hang out right here. Of course, he has this conversation right under the fucking portrait. And then we actually have like a weird kind of argument, internal argument, I guess, between Dexter Ward and Joseph Kerwin. And Kerwin's like, you're too weak.

Dexter Ward, you're in my body and I will have it back. And Dexter's like, just gotta get out of here, you fucker. And then he turns around and his skin is gray again. Shit. All right, now he's in full-on Kerwin mode, and we're not going to see Dexter again, I don't think, for the rest of the movie. Yeah. That sucks. Gets even more rapey with the wife.

Goes downstairs to start putting Richie's... What he's wanting to do, first and foremost, is bring his hot, original Elvira-looking wife back to get her in that bustier thing. He's attempted it a couple times. He's tried, but every time she just gets uglier and uglier. Right. Really. I mean, she starts off like a skeleton, and then she looks like a skeleton with raviolis on her, and then eventually she actually does come back, but...

She's got like a green, grayish, yeah, kind of, and like some weird stuff on her face going on. Bright and Frankenstein-ish. Not that hot. No. She's got to get a little more work on that. Anyway. But now this is when his manservants present him with the text and the instruction manual on how to summon the Elder Gods. And he's like, yeah.

I'm really going to start kicking some ass now. They give him the Necronomicon. That they do. Dusty. It's not... Not Charon Damana that we know and love. Unfortunately. This is like the... It kind of looks like they got it at one of those... Barnes & Noble? Yeah, well, I was going to say like a Hallmark store. Sure. You know, one of those... sacred diary things that teenage girls love with the lock and all. It says clearly on the front, Necronomicon. Yeah.

I'm looking for like a human face thing happening. A book bound in human flesh. Yeah, written in blood with a bunch of pornographic stuff in there with like eyeballs flying. This was not that. No, this was much more of a... I don't know. Just a textbook. Yeah. Yeah. Very boring. Anyway. Hey, any warlocks? Here's your textbook. Take that. I'll expect chapters one through five by Monday.

Is there like a for dummies version? Because this thing weighs like 60 pounds. It's pretty serious, though. And he's like, yeah, now it's on, you motherfuckers. So first thing he wants to do is...

take vengeance on all the people that killed him. Naturally, they've been dead for several decades, so he's going after their descendants instead. We start off with Ezra Wheaton, who has the Mongoloid kid in his attic. Kerwin sneaks up there and lets him out in the middle of the night. Unfortunately, this happens to be on the point of Ezra, like,

Getting everybody real riled up at the pub. Yeah. And he tied one on in the meantime. Damn near had another lynch mob. Very close. Very close. Very close. But he did get drunk. So he walks home drunk, staggers around his house for a little bit, and then gets jumped by Jason Voorhees Jr. And they both just kind of wrestle themselves into the fireplace. And that's...

Apparently they were wearing their flash paper jackets. Yep. Boosh. Well, he had a lot of booze, so. Well, that makes sense, yeah. And he looked like he had some hairspray on, too. Yeah. No, pomade or some kind of grease. Some Dapper Dan up there, yeah. That'll light you right up there, Ezra. They both die. That sucks. And then we cut to Elijah Cook Jr., who's walking down the street. Throw gasoline on him and light him on fire. We're just burning this place down.

Every time one of these guys goes up in flames, though, Kerwin shows up at the funeral and stands on the hill and overlooks, looking very ominous. Everybody knows what's going on. Sure. So about this time, we're coming to a head of this because everybody's getting tired of being put on fire. And we all know that Kerwin's doing it, so we need to put an end to this shit like right now. uh lynch mob is forming here at the pub the doctor is there and he's like will you guys just calm the fuck down

He's not doing black magic, man. It's like 1890. Nobody does black magic anymore. What the hell, man? All of our friends are getting put on fire. Even if he's not doing black magic, he's running around roasting people. We can't have that shit either. At this point, luckily, though, he actually has his wife back and up and running like in a semi-attractive state. So she's now helping with the black magic shit in the catacombs. Original hussy. Yes. Doesn't look as good as she did.

But for coming back from the dead, we've definitely seen worse. In a pinch. As far as zombies, exactly right. If you got yourself some kind of zombie fetish, you could do a lot worse. But now the wife, Dexter Ward's wife, is freaking right the fuck out. Dude, he's got chicks coming up in here in the middle of the night. They disappear into the big ballroom area. I don't know what the hell's going on. At one point, she actually does.

follow them down into the catacombs and spots a little bit of this black magic horse shit going on so she's like oh hell no hauls ass upstairs uh gets a hold of the doctor as the lynch mob is forming the doctor goes up there to see what the hell's happening

They both kind of stumble onto the black magic shit as we're finally about to release the Elder God, who apparently was chained up in the basement the whole time. Yeah, he's underneath the... It was like a well, and he was just hanging out down there. I don't know if it was... I don't think you could... crossover to our plane of existence. I like to think it was some kind of portal or something and not just a big hole in the floor. Hey, you want to come up? No?

All right, well, check on your fish guts down a little bit later. I'll see if I can get you some more blondes. I don't know. That sucks, but here he comes, and we're about to make the final sacrifice to bring him up out of the fucking hole in the floor. Why not sacrifice Ward's wife? She's right there. She stumbled onto the whole shit. Grab her, chain her ass up. We have to say the magical Necronomicon incantation to...

I guess get his attention to get him like halfway. Yeah, he started getting real growly and moany. Yeah. He was saying the incantations. And he's like halfway out of the hole. So watch out for that.

Big trouble brewing here. This is about the time the lynch mob shows up. They come in, and apparently this castle is highly flammable. Because they just start putting torches to the stonework. The tapestries. Yeah, and whoosh. Oh, shit. Well, probably be careful with that fireplace, dude. Just saying. Flames, the whole place is on fire. Luckily, the doctor...

gets up and he manages to save Ward's wife, gets her the fuck out of there. The lynch mob is inside. They run down. They kill the two manservants. He snapped out of it. Well...

No, just to let his wife go. Yeah. And he told the doctor to get her out of there. Yeah. So he did snap out of it just for a minute. For a second. Right. Unchained his wife. Yeah. Doctor takes her out. Doctor gets her out. And then the doctor's like, she's like, what about my husband? The doctor's like, I'm going to go back and get him.

So he goes hauling ass back down to the catacombs there, grabs what we think is Charles Dexter Ward, takes him up... up to the uh gets him out of there and apparently the lynch mob has just decided that we're good he's a good guy he's exactly not and the doctor in his credit is like all right he just you know what

He likes to sacrifice a few ladies. Once he gets it out of his system, though, he's good, so we don't need to put him on fire. He started going back when his painting burnt, remember? Yeah, they took the painting down and threw it in the fire. Right, so that's when he kind of snapped out of it and beat his wife. Yeah.

And then they get him out of there and he's like standing up against a tree and he's like, oh, thank you so much, doctor, for getting me out of there. I don't know how I can ever repay you. And the whole lynch mob is there and then he turns around and his skin is still gray. So it's actually Joseph Kerr. Right.

And that is The Haunted Palace, Dusty. Yep. Scary stuff, bro. That was good. It is. Yeah. This movie was actually remade in 1992, starring Chris Sarandon and the chick from Herman's Head. Oh, yeah. I got it on the shelf over here. It's called The Resurrected. The Resurrected, okay. That is my, well, it's, I'll say it's better. I'll say it's better.

I mean, it doesn't have Vincent Price, but like special effects. And you get to see a lot of the failed experiments that Kerwin did before they caught him. And there's like a whole underground. But it's very 90s. Yeah. So, you know. I'll check it out. It's worth watching, dude. All right. Yeah. Where did you find this one, Dusty? This is on Tubi. Tubi. Okay, perfect. Check it out, inmates, if you're interested. I think it's time for a little break, my man. Sounds good.

Does it bear? Nobody Does it bear? They can come closer than close. Original they never will be. We bumping from coast to coast. We just trying to make you see. Nobody does it better. They say we won hitting quicks. Now what y'all gonna do? Always into something, that's my name. Only out for money, hey, cause that's the game. People always ask me why I'm out for scratch. He who has the most is he who won the match. Strike one. We'll be right back.

I bet you see, nobody does it better than me. They can come closer than close, yeah. Original they never will be. We bump it from coast to coast. We're just trying to make you see. Nobody does it better. There's no accident for these platinum hits. It's just your love, banging in your club, hanging with your cubs, giving up jeeper. Do you remember back on the east side when all of us niggas used to love to ride?

We will just eat. Times are different now, but you still get stuck. I'm not a kid no more. I just don't give a fuck. So if you really think you want to step to me. They can come closer than close. Yeah. Original they never will be. We bumping from coast to coast. Yeah. We just tryna make you see Nobody does it better Get set, it starts now They can come closer than close, yeah. Original they never will be. We bumping from coast to coast, yeah, yeah.

We just trying to make you see. Nobody does it better. Nobody does it. Hey, inmates. If you like what you hear, head over to the Padded Room Facebook group and support us through the patron link with a small monthly donation. Check out the T-Villain link at paddedroom.podbean.com and grab some t-shirts.

Thanks for listening and enjoy the rest of the show. And we're back, Dusty! Yes, we are. You know, I kind of feel like if I went to a... like sleepy New England village, I could clean up. You know what I mean? Like I would have my pick of the litter of the ladies. You know what I mean? What are they doing over there? You're a... Big fish in a small pond? Yeah. I roll up in there in a 2015 Jeep Renegade. Nice. With some jacked off paint and an iPhone 13. Yep. Dude.

I'm the man. Totally. You know where you do real well is that the Amish Society is there. Oh, they don't want none of this. They see the Renegades show up. They're the ones. Pitchforking you out? Yeah. No, I'm done, bro.

Right on, man. I think it's time for a little meat hook action. Alright. Ciccoco!

Three on a meat hook. This week's meat hook top three. Lovecrafty movies. Now I know we've done this meat hook before. But obviously things change as more movies come out. And this time I'm going to open up. a little bit i'm not we're not just talking about lovecraft

adaptations, but just movies that gave you a Lovecraft-y kind of a vibe. Good, because that's the way I went. Okay, perfect. I'm glad we're on the same page. What do you got at number three there, big guy? At number three, I went with Underwater. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Okay, so that is supposed to be Cthulhu. Right. Doesn't really... When you actually see the thing, it's got like a weird shark face thing happening. But with the tentacle lips. A little bit, I don't know.

But I'll tell you what, Kristen Stewart running around in her underwear. Not terrible. That's a bit of alright. Yeah. That's okay with me. I like that movie. That's a good show. Yep. That's a good example of a movie that starts, gives you like three minutes to breathe. And then boom. For the next hour and... 27 minutes, you're getting your ass kicked the whole time. Very fast-paced. Yes, I love that. I love that about it. My number three you may not have heard of. It's more in the Cthulhu cult.

It's a little show called Messiah of Evil. I have not seen it. Okay. It's definitely worth a watch. Okay. It's streaming on Shudder. Made in 1976, I believe. And it's basically this small seaside town that slowly gets overrun. Well, not slowly. It's actually pretty quick. Gets overrun by a cult. Okay. And there's no mention of Cthulhu or anything like that. They just refer to this messiah of evil. And they do some pretty gnarly shit.

There's one scene in a movie theater that will blow your face off. Okay. And another one in a supermarket. Well, I'll have to check that out. It gets pretty grimy. All right. Messiah of Evil? Yes. Okay. How about number two, Dusty? All right, so number two, I don't know. Like I said, I kind of might be reaching on this one. Sure, yeah. But it felt very, very, you know, on the nose with...

what we're talking about. Lovecraft. Yeah. Okay. Just because of the way... I went with Event Horizon because... dimensional, multidimensional, uh, horrors coming through. And, you know, I, I thought it felt very Lovecraftian. So that's, I just, I guess that's me taking liberties. No, I'm with you on that. Uh, for a lot of people. I'm going to put my Dorcas hat on here for a second. A lot of people say that that movie is actually like a weird precursor to the Warhammer 40,000 universe.

Oh, okay. Because that's kind of like what happens in Warhammer. You go into the warp. The warp is full of demons in other... corruptive forces, and if you're not prepared, then you get possessed and all hell breaks loose. Oh, okay. So that's a whole... I'll take my Dorcas hat off now, but... No, I'm with you on the Lovecraft-y thing, especially when you see the gravity drive. Right. That is very...

Necronomicon-ish. Necronomicon-esque. Call it like the 23rd century Necronomicon. Sure, yeah. Like if you had to digitize the Necronomicon and turn it into some kind of a mechanical... That would be dope. That's what it is, dude. That's scary as shit. Give myself the creeps. My number two, the tried and true classic, Re-Animator. Re-Animator. It's probably as close to a faithful adaptation as you'll... get um the original story herbert west reanimator you know a lot of people don't remember just

What a racist Lovecraft was. It was from the Times. I know, dude, but he threw the N-word around left and right. And not in a gangsta way. Oh, no. Derogatory. Not just against black people. Against everybody. Even against other white people, like Irish immigrants. Oh, yeah. They were the lowest of the low. Yeah, did not care for them one bit. Sure. Any immigrant, for that matter. But Stuart Gordon's 1984. seven adaptation, Jeffrey Combs, Barbara Crampton, every...

Dude, the scene where the severed head. Yeah. Yeah. Poo. You know exactly what I'm talking about. I do. That's my number two. How about number one, Doug? All right, so number one, like I said, feels very Lovecraftian. but it's one of the movies I dig the most, and it's very creature-esque, Lovecraftian. The Thing. It's my number one, too. Nice. Yes. All right. There aren't very many...

examples of a perfect movie. You know what I mean? The Thing has its flaws. It's a remake. The original Thing is very silly. But... I think in the horror genre, that is one of the closest things you'll find to a perfect film. I agree. There's just so much going on there. You can watch it on a Wednesday. Be like, oh, that was great. Watch it again on Thursday and notice some little fucking thing that just popped in. Oh, look at that. That always been there. You know what I mean? Yep, I agree.

Well, I wasn't furious at that 2011 prequel. No, I thought it was... It was what I didn't really want to... I didn't care for when they went into the spaceship. Right, I didn't need to see that. It would have been better if they just would have shown it in the block of ice, right? Yeah. I mean, not going in the spacecraft just like, well, we found this thing in the ice.

How did it get here? Who fucking knows, right? It could have been on a comet or some shit. Who knows, right? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I agree. But it was really cool the way they did it and how it... Very, very much tied into the thing. Oh, absolutely. They had very good attention to detail. Very much. Like the accuracy of the Norwegian bass.

charred husk that they found, the axe in the wall. Oh, sure. It was all spot on. And all, I mean, the special effects were great. I mean, it was, I don't know. It was nice to see a modern... take on it but being a prequel yeah yeah yeah but I agree with you they didn't need to show the ship that's that's probably my only complaint my only major you think about it the thing is it if it's just this jumble of creatures right mm-hmm

Why would it even... In my mind, when I first watched the thing, the original one, for the longest time until they made the prequel, I thought it had to come to Earth in some kind of a comet or something, right? It was an unintelligent... thing that just leaked out of a comet somewhere and just started freaking combining living creatures to make itself. That's what I thought it was, right? And then they show you the spaceship and you're like, wait a minute. So...

Did you ever see the original, the thing from another world? Yeah. You get to see, well, you get to see parts of the spaceship, but then they blow it up trying to get it out of the ice. And then that's when all hell breaks loose. For that, I'm not mad at seeing some of the spaceship, but when you get in there, it kind of looked like a weird David Lynch kind of a...

It almost had like a weird kind of wet bar situation. Yeah. Even like just a pod, right? Something that was just like this goo intergalactic. Sure. Possibly it could have been. Even, you know, in my mind, it could have been a weapon from another alien race. Let's send this fucking thing down there. Soften up the target before we go take over, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So drop it in a pod or something, you know? But...

It flying, the thing flying that giant spaceship is like, yeah, come on. Yeah. Now you picture like a weird alien with like aviator glasses on and he's like hitting switches and he's got a steering wheel. None of those things that it became were. piloting any kind of a spaceship. No, no, not at all. Right. Whatever, dude. Right on, man. That is our meat hook for the weekend, mates. Let us know what your top three Lovecraftian movies are. Mental Health Hotline is area code 775-387.

Hit us on the email, mail at paddedroompodcast.com. We'll read that on the air and probably make fun of you. In the meantime, we've got to tell you what movies we got to watch this week in a little segment called What Are You Looking At? What are you looking at? As I'm sure we're all aware, we just passed a Friday the 13th, Dustin. Yes, we did. So I had to watch Friday the 13th from 1980. Good man. It's still fun.

It took me a few minutes to explain. I made my kids watch it with me. There is no Jason Voorhees in this movie. I'm sorry to disappoint you. Plenty of kids still get killed. You got Kevin Bacon. He's a worthy substitute, I'd say. I just had the talk with my kid, too. About Jason Voorhees? Yes. In horror, we call it the talk when you tell your kid that Jason Voorhees wasn't the killer in Friday the 13th one. Yep. That's a whole thing, man.

And she asked about the whole thing about, well, why is it called Friday the 13th? I was like, well... Not exactly sure. Well, no, he was trying to ride the coattails of the Halloween. He was. You know, crazy. Let's do another holiday movie. it's creepy friday the 13th so that's how it was born there it is not really a holiday but sure

Great show. It's streaming just about everywhere if anybody wants to see it. I don't know if you looked at Shudder lately, but they threw a bunch of Jean Rollin movies up there. No, I haven't been on there in a while. Are you familiar with Jean Rollin at all? He is a...

French director that was prominent in the early to mid 70s made a lot of horror films, quote unquote horror films. They're basically like Skinamax movies with mild horror subtext. So just out of curiosity, I put a few of those on. Grapes of Death from 1978. Grapes of Death. Grapes of Death. So what you have here is a, like a... A French village, very small rural French village, and their wine has gotten like infected grapes. So it turns them into homicidal...

Not quite zombies, but they have like pustules on their faces. So the French wine was poisoned. Poisoned, yes. And everybody drinks wine in France. Of course. And one poor young lady is on a road trip through one of these villages. Car breaks down. Actually, her train breaks down, and she's got to fight to survive. Fight off the crazy, great, boiled-faced people. Yeah. I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, Darian, you mentioned, like, Skinamax. How does that...

What kind of sexual encounter could this young lady possibly have? Well, I'm glad you asked, Dusty. Oh, yeah. I was really wanting to know. Because these pustules don't just show up on your face. They can be anywhere on your body. So whenever this young lady happens upon a group of survivors... Naturally, she has to strip down immediately. Oh, to show that she doesn't have the pustules. Inspect her body in various cracks and crevices and make sure she's not...

Sure, makes sense. Yeah, absolutely. Check that out. How do you get that job? The pustule inspector guy. You need qualifications. God damn it. You've probably got to go to school for that, right? And you've got to drink a lot of wine, too. So there's that. Speak French at all? I could learn for a kick-ass job like that. Pustule inspector. I don't want to be there when you have a bad day at work. Yeah. That's going to suck, bro.

Oh, you definitely are a zombie. You go ahead and get out of here. The fucking pustules I saw today, are you serious? Gross. So I watched that, and then I watched Fascination from 1979, another John Rulon classic. You have a robbery that goes bad. The thief... absconds with a bag of gold to a French chalet which is inhabited by two young ladies. He's got to hide out because the posse that he robbed is slowly surrounding the chalet.

Naturally, the young ladies happen to be vampires. They have a vampire cult that comes in in the middle of the night in lesbian encounters and other wanton sexual things. Like they're wont to do. That's how it goes down, dude. It must get a little boring if you're alive for a couple hundred years. Why not try some gay stuff? Yeah. Go ahead. Have fun with it. That's all I'm looking at, dude. What do you got? I didn't get to get a whole lot in. I was...

Up doing the whole camping thing, but the wife and I caught, before we left, we watched, it was on Prime, Bloodfest. Have you seen this one? Um... Anthology? No. It's kind of like Health Fest. Yes. Right? Yes. We did that for immersion therapy a while ago. Oh, okay. Yeah. So watch Blood Fest. It's silly. Yeah. It was... Meh. It was a... The tagline was good, like the coolest horror scare park ever, and then it turns into...

Basically a real-life horror movie when the actors start actually killing people. Yes. Yeah. If I remember right, there was a really hot vampire chick in that one. Yes. A couple of them. Yes. Gotcha. Yep. Yep. And then since we watched Predator Killer of Killers, I just kind of got a little bit of a Predator kick, and I said, well, you know what? I haven't re-watched Predators in a while, so watch Predators. What did you think of Predators?

I like it. I'm not mad at that at all. Everybody shits on Adrian Brody. I don't understand why. I mean, okay, it gets a... Tiny bit silly, right? He's trying to get off planet. Right. And you're going to hijack a predator ship which you have no idea of how to fly. You're desperate. I mean, let's be honest, dude. You're fucking stuck there. Yeah.

Forever. Just like Lawrence Fishburne. Yeah. He just kind of went crazy. Yeah, go hold up somewhere and start talking to yourself. Well, he does have the chick with him at the end. Yes. At least he has somebody to talk to. Yeah. I think it was...

The Russian guy with the weird fully automatic street sweeper thing. Yeah, he had painless. He had old painless. I thought that thing shot like shotgun shells, didn't it? No, that's what Adrian Brody had. That's right. Yeah, he had the drum magazine on his arm.

automatic shotgun yeah wow and a giant fucking knife that thing had to that shotgun thing had to weigh at least 300 oh yeah and then he had all those shells strapped to his body like his tack vest must weigh he like you said 100 pounds oh yeah wow But it's a good movie. And I remember liking it, so I was like, well, let's watch it again. And then the kill with the Japanese guy in the field is kick-ass. It is really cool. Well, I think it was...

Was it Danny Trejo? Yes. He got used as a trap, right? As a trap. Help me. Yeah. And then they're waiting for them to, yeah. That's a good show. And the chick punks around into his back, and she goes to walk away because they're just basically going to leave him there, right? And she wants to put him out.

of his misery so she pumps around into his back and then she goes to walk away help me and she's like oh fuck this is not he was right it's a trap get the fuck out of here yep that was good stuff man

I like that one. I don't know why everybody shits on it. Yeah, I don't mind it. There are definitely worse Predator movies. Oh, Predator. The Predator. Yeah, it was ridiculous. That's all you got, man? Yep, that's all I watched this week. All right. Speaking of Predators, how about some immersion therapy?

Yes. Immersion Therapy. I dug it, dude. Good. I like that. I like getting further into the... The mythos of some of our favorite franchise villains and whatever. That's why I liked it. I think my favorite... Oddly enough, I think my favorite was the World War II one. Oh, yeah? Yeah. I like the... I like... I always wondered what the hell predators drive around in. Yeah, well, I mean, they've had their ships. Well...

They've had their big ships, right? That was more of a fighter ship. Yeah, but when they get dropped off, it's usually just one of those pod things. So it's kind of cool seeing the whole aerial battle thing going on. But you have to think about it. So he's shooting these big spike...

Yeah. Chains at these things. Yeah. And what are they just crashing into the... How is he collecting his trophies? See, I thought they were going to be like harpoons where it was going to reel them in. That's what I thought too. But it's just like... No, it just blasted them. It blasted them and they just dropped. How is he going to collect...

Skulls and shit. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know either. Maybe they've got trackers on them. GPS trackers. He just goes and digs them out of the ocean or something. Maybe he just doesn't care. It's like, these guys are just in the way, so fuck these guys. That's not their rules, Darian. I know, I'm just saying. They have a very strict honor code. Well, true, but, you know, yeah, you're right.

I thought I had a counter argument there for a second. No, you're right. But it was cool. I liked it. And then I liked the wraparound with the King Predator. That was badass. That's something else I always wonder. I feel like we need some kind of a Predator compendium or something.

Yeah. Or like a Predator origin thing where we can actually... Yucha and knowing like... How their society works. That's why I liked it because it kind of gave you a little insight into it, you know? Yeah. I get it. It was animated. It had been... way cool if it was fucking live action I don't think you can make that movie no but I mean so I think it's a good so the same guy he made this project leading up into Badlands right so now if you watch this then you know a bit about their

society and supposedly Badlands is going to be the central character, the protagonist is a predator, is the main character. So now you know... what he might be going through on his homeland or whatever, what he's on his first hunt or whatever. So you kind of get it. So he made that as a precursor to this, right? And then also a follow-up to Prey, as you saw in the end, where...

That was the chick, right, in the cryo chamber. And then he's also talking about he's got another project that he's super excited about in the same universe. So, like, the rumor that... It's flying around and I don't think has been substantiated yet. But somewhere in Badlands, one of the characters is going to be a Weyland-Yutani synth. Yeah, the girl. Yeah. Yeah. It's confirmed. Oh, it is. Yeah. So there it is, dude. So we might get an alien creditor crossover. Or a Promethean.

Predator situation. Yeah. Which could be a thing. Well, so think, I mean, I think this is supposed to happen. This is supposed to take place in the future. I think around the time of aliens slash... Aliens slash aliens, right? When there's spacefaring people, right? We are spacefaring people. So I think that it's going to be more in lines with that. So Prometheus obviously happened.

as a pre prequel to all this stuff. Right. Right. Yes. So I don't know. I'm going to need, I'm going to need like a, like a map, like a conspiracy board with yarn. Yes. Which goes to that, which goes, I don't, I don't know, man. All right, dude. Well, what do you got for us this week? You picked it. Oh, yeah. Hey, you're out of the doghouse, man. I guess so. I think it's time. I'm out on early release. Okay. Let's see how it goes, and then we'll go from there.

Earlier in the episode mentioned that he has not seen Gondium Haunted Asylum. So, your immersion therapy for this week is going to be Gondium Haunted Asylum. I believe it is streaming on Tubi, if I'm not mistaken. I think he said Prime. Or was it Prime? It might have been Prime. I'm pretty sure he said Prime. Stand by. It is currently streaming on... You're right. Prime Video.

Cool. Check that shit out, inmates, if you haven't seen it already. You're going to love it. And in the meantime, it's time for a round of Who's Your Daddy?

Who is daddy? First my clues from last week. I am... eight to ten year old boy and i'm very excited because my well-to-do father just bought a vacation property up in the um i believe canadian wilderness um very cool like log cabin out in the frozen uh like woods um very exciting as soon as we get to the town that this cabin is in i start finding these weird artifacts

little dolls and rocks with painted pictures on them, things like that. Everybody's telling me about this story about a Wendigo that lives in this area. Scary shit, dude. I don't want anything of that, any part of that. But what I want even less a part of... is the crazy guy that lives uh just across the valley who's very pissed at my dad for buying his dream house out from underneath him i hope he doesn't shoot him with a rifle and then my dad has to crawl back to uh our house like two miles

through the snow just to die before we can get him in the hospital. I am, of course, Wendigo. That is a depressing movie now that I just ran you through the whole plot. It's actually pretty good, though, if you watch it, because the whole... time you're watching the movie, you're thinking there is a Wendigo loose in the area.

But at the end, it's just a drunk guy who's pissed off about some bad real estate. Gotcha. So I kind of ruined that for you, didn't I? I don't have to watch it anymore. Nope, don't even do it. You're not going to like it. Who might I be this week, you ask? Well, I am a preacher and I've got a very attractive wife. We live in a small town, and the problem with having an attractive wife in a small town is that she gets talked to a lot by other dudes. Everything's cool, though.

Because she's faithful until her ex-boyfriend rolls into town. And they decide to have themselves a little rendezvous in an abandoned paper mill, if I'm not mistaken. Whatever. You know, whatever you're into. Unfortunately, there's something else inside the paper mill waiting for them. My wife just ain't the same ever since. And things get pretty bloody. And I'm going to do my best to work with her through this, but I'm a preacher, man, and I can only take so much. You know what I'm saying?

Who might I be, you ask? Tune in next week and I'll drop some knowledge on you inmates. In the meantime, I think that's about going to do it for us this week. Join us next week for Theater of Blood, closing out Vincent Price Month here in the padded room. Like, comment, subscribe.

wherever you found this show that helps our visibility quite a bit we do have a Patreon campaign running if anybody cares just go to paddedroompodcast.com you'll find all the links and anything else you need to know about us there You got anything else on the week, Big Dog? No. Thanks, everybody, for listening. Absolutely. In the meantime, for preachers with less than...

perfect wives and their weird romantic excursions. John rolled in and the horny son of a gun that he was. God damn I loved him. Friday the 13th that came and went. Father's Day that came and went. And the Padded Room Podcast. I'm afraid visiting hours are over.