You have a bunch of guys in the bathroom all day. Padded Room Radio is back on the air, you animals. My name is Darian. I am back for another week of horror bullshit, ladies and gentlemen. Whether you like it or not, I'm still here. Buddy is also here. What's going on? What's up, big fella?
Just loving this weather. Just loving the weather, huh? You and your motorcycle out cruising around getting bugs in your teeth. Yeah. Well, I got a full face on it. Oh, do you? Yeah. You're pissing people off, I bet. Yeah. Bugs in his beard that hang below them. Oh, that's gross.
Dusty is also here. What's up, fella? I am here. You made it back. Yes. You look tired, bro. Vegas will do that to you. I know that it will. So you're not tired. You just have the clap? Yeah. I caught a mild case of the Ghana herpes syphilates. Eww. Wow. Just a mild clay. Nice little cocktail you got there. It'll clear up in 10 to 12 years. That's what the doctor said. There's an ointment for that, I'm sure. Topical cream. Well, how was everybody's Easter? Or is it tropical?
The cream. Hey-o. That was everybody's Easter, dudes. Good. I had a house full of people. Full of family. Me too. We did a glow-in-the-dark Easter egg hunt at the park behind my house. 215 eggs. I think we brought back about 70. So there's plenty of Easter eggs down there if anybody wants to go dig some up. They probably got melted chocolate in them at this point. Right. Yeah, good times. All right. Some of them had money in it. Yeah.
And which park would this be? The one right behind my house. Okay. I will be taking a detour on the way home. Is there still money unaccounted for? I don't know. I don't know what the other... I think I had, what, six... Six or eight kids here, and then we all went down there together and just tore the whole park up. Okay. We got the glow-in-the-dark spray paint, right?
And we spray painted the eggs. That shit doesn't work. It doesn't actually glow in the dark. No, no, you have to have like a black light. Yeah, something like that. Either way, you don't find those fucking things. And it got dark quick, so... All the kids out there with their headlamps on like a bunch of fucking jewel thieves trying to find these goddamn Easter eggs. Surprised nobody called the cops on us, really. Right.
Yeah. There's hooligans in the park. Yeah. With headlamps on. They're digging holes and things. What's up with you guys? How was your Easter, Dusty? Very quiet. Just the wife and I and aunt and uncle came over for... Some prime rib dinner. So smoked a prime rib, which was very nice. But that was it, you know. And the kids get old. I mean, she's 14, so it's not the. There's no Easter egg hunting. There's just.
little Easter gift I think we got for her. I don't know. The wife takes care of that, but you know. Better that way. It came from both of us. Of course. But she got it. You signed the card. Yeah, exactly. Love you, too. Bye. Thanks, Dad, for what you got me. I was like, you're welcome, sport. Put a lot of thought into that, so there you are. So I got to give a little shout out to Bear Paw. Okay. So with the whole Easter thing.
Out there in Fernley, Biggest Little Radio, put on a little event for Easter egg hunting. Yeah. And, I mean, just this huge thing, like 15 minutes per age group kind of thing. Cool. Well, Bear Paw donated 75 pairs of... bear paw shoes and slippers out there so it's like golden egg so if they've got one of those they could go over there and pick them out get a pair of shoes yeah that's awesome yeah we got a lot of a lot of props for that uh from the radio uh
Surge, who emailed us, they're a staffing agency. They emailed us saying, hey, thanks. This is really cool doing something locally like that. Very cool. Awesome. I'm into it. That's good stuff. Well, we got a regular horror show to get into here, fellas. We got horror news and listener mail, all the usual shenanigans. Say we kick things off with a little horror news there, fellas. Yes. Horror news.
Alright, so the Toxic Avenger teaser trailer dropped. Have you guys watched it yet? I have not. It actually looks silly as fuck. I would expect. As you would expect. But basically it shows He's, you know, same thing, janitor, needs money to... It seems like he works at a... medical company that specializes in if you pay them then they can kind of cure all diseases kind of thing okay so and he needs help from them he's got i think an inoperable brain tumor situation going on all right his
corporate CEO, fucktard of a boss, played by Kevin Bacon, is basically telling him, fuck off. We're not going to pay for your shit. Go mop the fucking floors. So, and then, I don't know how he turns into Toxie, but then... Arms are ripped off, mops are shoved up asses, and it looks, you know. Now, again, this is Peter Dinklage playing the Toxic Avenger. Yes. And his name is. Amazing.
Winston Goose. Now, you already lost me, and I'll tell you why. There's one thing that I need from a Toxic Avenger movie, and it's a guy doing a heavy bench press while smoking a cigarette. I think cigarettes are outlawed in movies nowadays. It's true, but you've got to have that 80s gym montage of all the people in their leg warmers doing the high kicks and the two hooligans that are just gym lunatics.
He's running on the treadmill. I don't know if I want a Toxic Avenger movie without the gym montage there, Dustin. There might be. I don't know. There better be, man. It's just the trailer, so you never know. I'm going to write a letter to that. There's a lot of, you know, there could be, they could do a modern. and spin on it with other gym douchebags. Yeah. Guys that are sitting their phones on the fucking...
Bench press and posing for their followers and shit. Absolutely. They could do that. I don't know. But like I said, the trailer's out in it. Okay. It looks just about as you expect. Pretty fucking silly. Fair enough. Yep. And then I had one more. Um, so the conjuring twos, Lauren Esposito is a werewolf in the first. first moon trailer. So it's first moon is coming out May 6th on
just streaming platforms and not going to the theaters. It's basically this twisted high-stakes horror follows Jessica, a woman who wakes up caged and confused, now the prisoner of a brutal cult-like order of werewolf-hunting priests. They believe she's been infected with a sexually transmitted world virus. And their mission is simple. Cure her or kill her. And that's what the synopsis reads. And I did watch a trailer, and it looks...
Decent. Looks like a, you know, I'm a sucker for werewolves. Me too. But it looks basically like, you know, like a Salem witch trials kind of thing going on. But for werewolves. All right. It looks decent. The trailer looks decent. I'm into it. So, First Moon is the name of it. It comes out May 26th. First Moon. I don't know, man. It's just been...
So many bad werewolf movies. And they did show a partial transformation. It didn't look too bad. Okay. All right. I'll reserve judgment there. Promising. Yeah. Because that's where you lose me if it's a shitty... It's either a shitty creature design... Yeah. Which was with the Frank Grilla one. Those fucking guys were ridiculous. Which I still haven't seen. I wouldn't even bother. Have you seen Late Phases? Yes.
The old people home. The golden girl werewolves at the end with the big hoop earrings and the pearls. Get the fuck out of here. It was a good show up until then. But yeah, so it looks decent. All right. Buddy, you got anything? Rob Zombie, the published House of a Thousand Corpses, The Making of Cult.
classic book with full script and more okay uh yeah the full shooting script is included along with handwritten notes that provide insight into the process plus a treasure trove of rare artwork concept sketches And stills. Already? Yeah. I don't know that I need that. I mean, I like the movie. It's fine. I don't need all that. Wednesday season two. Moving on. Here we go. Season two poster for Wednesday is out now. My daughter will give you a big hug when you tell her that.
Yes, and the season two will arrive. The teaser trailer for season two will arrive tomorrow, April 23rd. You guys watch Wednesday at all? Yeah, we watched it. I like it. Good show. It's not bad. um oh jones or excuse me lady gaga is going to join the cast on this one oh that sounds about right yeah she's got to get her toes and everything right up her alley Heather Graham is to star an entity with...
uh, within based on the real haunting that inspired the entity, man. I love that original movie with Barbara Hershey. Oh yeah. So now Heather Graham is going to be in this one. And so, yes, it is set in 1974 suburban Los Angeles. A single mother is violently attacked. by an unseen force in her home. With no one believing her, she turns to a team of paranormal researchers. How far do you think they're going to go with this one? I hope really far.
She's been in that, what was it, the body horror one she just did? Suitable Flesh. Suitable Flesh. She has no problem with the nudity. I'm okay with that. Yeah, I don't mind seeing her naked. Yeah, she's never had a problem with that. Nope. No, but... I don't know. You can't, you can't put a hard R out there. These, cause let's be honest, the original entity was all just a big ghost rape scene. Really? Yeah. So I, and it was,
As far as 1981 standards go, it was pretty hard on. I wonder how far they're going to take it this time. Yeah. Maybe more of a... I bet you the ghost just makes a bunch of insensitive remarks. Somebody's put on some weight. Misogyny. Those jeans fit you last month. Terrifying. Yes, it's known as the blither case. That previously inspired Frank DeFellita's 1978 book, The Entity, which was adapted into that 1982 film of the same name, starring Barbara.
very cool that's all I got what do you got dudes dudes dudes Trailers are up for weapons. Have you guys seen the trailers? I did see the trailer. Now, this is the latest installment from Zach Krager, the director of Barbarian. Ooh, good movie. Yeah, it looks interesting. I don't know which trailer you saw, but the one I saw... I just saw the teaser where the kids... It was...
There was a voiceover. Yeah. But I believe it's Josh Brolin's character. Yeah. Because I think he's the father of one of the kids that goes missing. They just all get up. They just all get up and walk out of the house. And go running.
And they're running like they're playing airplanes. I don't know what the hell that was. All the kids are running like this. Like they're coming in for a hug or something. Very strange. That's the only thing I saw. That's all I got, too. But it piqued my curiosity. I'm interested. That's for sure. Right on. Also, trailer's up for something I don't know if I'm interested in or not. It's a movie called Him.
And it's got a September 19th debut. And from what I gather, this is a football-based horror film. Hmm. Yeah. Oh, is this with the weighing guy? Yes. Yeah. It looks... Bananas. Something. I'm not 100% sure what's going on. I think from what I'm just purely speculating, blue chip college athlete, rookie year, gets some kind of a concussion and then goes,
Maybe he gets some kind of experimental surgery. It looked like he had to sell his soul to get his career back or something, right? Yeah, and then it goes bananas after that. Yeah, but it's all like football. Demons on the gridiron and zombie cheerleaders. I'm actually excited for this one. I'm curious. Yeah. I'm very curious. This could be my new favorite thing ever, or it could really piss me off. Right, yeah. It's going to be one of those two. I'm with you on that.
I don't know, man. I don't know about that. Looks like Vampire Hunter D will hit Shudder next month. You guys ever watch Vampire Hunter D? It's a kind of anime thing? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, no. No, we did. Cake Wolf made a... made us watch it for action horror movies. Oh, okay. All right. All right. I don't understand anime, to be honest with you. No. I've tried on a couple of occasions. There's a couple of them you can beat off, too. Right.
I just don't get it. Those Japanese people are... They like themselves some tentacles. Yes, they do. And they like to put them in places where... Any place they'll fit. I don't think tentacles belong in there. Just saying. And they like big boobies. That too, like, oh, like. Ridiculous. Ridiculous. Those poor girls are going to have back problems here in a few years. It's a good thing they're not going to age past.
because that seems to be the other thing that they're really into. Which is kind of interesting because their porn, they blur out everything. I've been to Japan, and I've been to some of their adult-themed bookstores. There is some shit that they do not blur out that they probably should. Holy bejesus. All right. Yes, sir. Okay.
Something else my daughter's going to be very excited for. Zombies 4, Dawn of the Vampires. Are you guys familiar with this? The kids watched all three of them. Fucking shit, yes. They love it. So... High school... High school... 90210 meets... Drama. But there's zombies come back and... Basically, they're just really good looking kids with green hair and like a little bit of like...
eye black and they sing and dance. So I was forced to watch the first two. And then the third one involves a pack of werewolves. And now apparently they're bringing vampires into this equation. Okay. So good for you. It'll be on the Disney Plus channel. Oh, it's a Disney. Yeah, it's for kids, dude. And there's a lot of musical numbers and choreography.
Glee meets horror. Not any glee. Not horror. No. Romance. Oh, okay. The Living Girl. It's tween. It's tween romance. It's twilight, but with choreography and... Glee. Much closer to Glee, I would say, than anything horror-related, but I know I'm going to have to watch this. If Glee did a Halloween party. Maybe if Glee took place in like a sixth grade classroom. Oh, wow. And they did a Halloween party.
That's where I would go. Okay. All right. I have not had to watch Glee, so I don't know what you guys are talking about. I'm familiar with the concept. I've heard of it. Dusty. All right, man. Enough of that shit. How about some listener mail, huh? All right. Yeah. you Listener mail. Yes, sir. We got a few things coming at us here. Looks like no emails this week, but we do have a voicemail or two.
All right, let's start things off with our main man in Alabama. Alan is in the house. What's going on, Alan? All right, here comes our main man in Alabama. It's Alan. How's everybody doing? Let's see. Dinner parties. What do you think? Number one, Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Sure. Number two, House of a Thousand Corpses. Okay. Number three, Hannibal. Mr. Darian, are you Pan's Labyrinth? Yeah. And let's see, what did I watch this weekend?
The Watch with Ben Stiller and John Hill and his neighborhood watch and they end up fighting aliens. Yeah. some sweet windbreakers on. It was alright. And, uh, WrestleMania, that was disappointing, and... Everybody's pissed off about WrestleMania. I don't remember. Easter was a fucking long... Okay. Anyway, I'll talk to you later. Have a good one. Beautiful. Thanks for calling in, Alan. Sorry your Easter suck, bro. I remember very little about the watch. I know it got...
Damn near canceled because of the Trayvon Martin George Zimmerman thing. And it just got kind of kicked right out. It re-branded and came back like two years later, and by then everybody was still kind of weird with it. It was alright, as I recall. Turned out to be aliens in the suburbs or something like that. Silly. Silly stuff. Alright, here comes Mr. Tom Hardy. What's going on, Tom Hardy? Hey-yo! Hey! Oh, padded room. How's my favorite degenerate this week?
Good. I hope everyone is doing well. Yeah. We got the whole posse. Let me get in real quick on the educating department, man. It's good to be fucking back. Yeah, buddy. It's good to be back. Fuck, I can't remember it. It was Tans Labyrinth. You got it, buddy. Tans fucking Labyrinth. Yeah, okay. Keep that streak alive. Fucking also, on the meat hooks there, we got...
I feel like you were saying like dinner invitation or dinner movies or whatever. I couldn't come up with shit. I came up with like fucking horror. around the supper table scene. Okay. And you know what? Put me down to number three. I think it was called Red Dragon or it was Hannibal. It was the fucking sequel to Silence of the Lambs that didn't have...
the Clarice character back. But anyway, the only thing I even remember about that flick was that at one point towards the end of it, Hannibal got everybody tied up and fuck it. serving them like one dude's eating his own brain or some shit like that. It's the only part I remember of that fucking play. Okay. That wasn't bad. We'll be down for that. All right. Number two has got to be fucking Alien, right? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. There you go.
I mean, come on, man. And then, you know, number one, always was, always will be, has got to be the fucking Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Alrighty. Okay. So fucking legendary that they have to, like, figure out a way to recreate it. I wouldn't call any of those parties. I'm going to give them a pass.
So yeah, put down for that shit. Very cool. What do you look at? I've got a couple of things. What you got? You know, I got in fucking deep on the Italian horror just because, you know, back there and fucking... So, I got to catch some Dario Argento, his fucking Giallo Tenebrae. That's a good one. Fucking pretty decent one. I like that one, yeah. I think it might be one of his last, like, big Giallo jobs.
Then I got to catch the church, which, I mean, these are all fucking, I've seen them all before, but. I don't know. That's a lot. This one here was supposed to be Demon 3. Yeah, unofficial sequel. And something came out. It's not a Dario Argento flick. I think he produced it or something. But a young Azar Argento is in it.
Yeah, both of them, not bad, you know. That's a very busy movie. Yeah, yeah, The Church. I'm sure we've seen that one. And then I got to catch this flick called The Color of Fear. This is Adari Argento. And it's also got its original name, Chialo. Oh, yeah, the yellow guy. For those on...
It's a giallo. I don't know if you guys knew this, but giallo is Italian for yellow. And there's a whole, I won't bore you with the history of why these films are called giallos, but this one was actually titled giallo. And the killer actually has yellow skin. It's kind of Donald Trump-ish, like with the spray tan. The red man? It's like a weird... Orange man. Kind of purplish almost. But I think the intention was that he was going to be like jaundiced or something.
Gave him like a yellow tint. It didn't really work out that well. Okay. And this is a pretty fucking silly movie too. All right. He called back. GP. G motherfuckin' P. Hell yeah. I thought I had. Okay. You've got all the time you need. italian is uh the color yellow there you have it and they kind of got that name because there used to be these uh pulp mystery books and they always had like uh yellow cover and then like in a circle on the cover would have some picture from the fucking, uh,
from the, you know, description of the book or whatever, but it was always a yellow cover, and then just on the cover would have, you know, some artwork. Usually a butsom young lady. Anyway, that's where it got the name Giallo from, and the killer in this...
is nicknamed giallo but this is the fucking weird part it's not a fucking giallo like you see who's the killer you see who the killer is you know who the killer is throughout the whole fucking flick And it's just weird to have a movie called Giallo not be a... If it's, you know, Dario Argento, you know, writing and directing and producing it, that fucker knows what a giallo is. So, I don't know. Just fucking weird. But I did get a great bit of trivia from there.
And that is, tell me, an Oscar, two-time Oscar-winning actor that's also starred in a fucking Dario Argento flick. Fucking Brody, yeah. Adrian Brody. Adrian Brody, yeah. Yeah, he's in this fucking flick. I guess, you know, even Oscar Wintersall. Anyway, that's all I got. Hope all is well. Love you like family. Bye. Love you too, Tom Hardy. Thanks for calling in, big dog.
I think working with, I don't know, maybe he did fall on hard times, but I think at one point it was like a... gold star in hollywood having feather in your cap yeah having worked with dario argento because that some bitch doesn't speak a word of english and unless you're fluent in italian you're gonna have to have an interpreter and then that's gonna be a whole other fucking process for you Yeah, buddy. That's good stuff right there. And that is all we have on the listener mail.
You guys just want to skip the movie and go right to the movie? Yeah. Yes, please. Oh, they want to beat me up, inmates. I can tell. right now let's go ahead and do it we're gonna get into a movie anyway you bastards all right okay if that's what you call it We build our house in Mexico, North Carolina, like you want it near your mom.
I was thinking that maybe you could plan the whole thing and you could build it, but I could be in charge of decorating it. And I'll keep it clean every day with bleach if you wanted. I'm not gonna let anything happen to you. I love you.
I told you I didn't want to come here. I said I didn't want to come here and you told me that we had to come here. I told you I didn't want to come here and you told me you both fucking gave it to her. You told me you both gave it to her. I hate you both so much. I hate you both so fucking much. I told you I didn't want to come here. I told you I didn't want to come here. I was thinking about it and I don't think if I lived forever I could ever meet anybody else who'd do anything like that.
Yes, sir. It is Sun Don't Shine from 2012. This movie got 6.1 stars on IMDb. The fuck you say. The fuck I do say. Written and directed by Amy Siemitz. How many ratings did it have? Three. From the cast and crew. Two of them were from me. Amy Siemitz wrote and directed this. You'll recognize her from A Horrible Way to Die. She was our drug alcoholic, murder victim, boyfriend, girlfriend, whatever. She should stick to acting. And taking her top off, too, because that was all right.
This one stars Kate Lynn Schell, Kentucker Audley, and A.J. Bowen, of course. This movie is not rated. It's only an hour long. How bad could it be? It was an hour and a half, sir. It was an hour and like 12 minutes. It felt like five hours. Oh, my God. Hour and a half of torture. It was not torture, Dusty. Oh, boy. This movie, I was texting you guys as I was watching this last night. This movie is stinky, is what I would put, say, first and foremost. I can smell this movie. And...
I wish I didn't have to hear this movie. A lot of ASMR stuff going on here. I don't know why. It kind of makes sense as we get into the show. It's in Florida, and it's a very Florida story. Like, everything about this says Florida. We're going to start off with a young couple having a bit of a tussle in what appears to be a mud pit or something some kind of marshland um they're fighting around and uh Her cell phone gets broken in this tussle.
And that's fine. Eventually they reconcile and get into a car. The car has seen better days. We're talking about probably a 1989... Fucking... Shitbox. Shitbox. I can tell you right now, there is not a drop of air conditioning in that fucking thing. And... It's on its last leg, and off they go. And as they're going, we're going to meet these two. We've got Leo, the guy, young man, probably mid-20s. And then we have Crystal, same young lady, about the same age.
Volatile relationship, gentlemen. It's putting it as plainly, as gently as I can. She immediately starts accusing him of hitting her and trying to strangle her. He's apologizing for breaking her cell phone. And from there, we're just going to get on this road trip with these two. Things are not... There you go. Movie's over. Exactly. I mean, that's a lot of the movie. That's all it is, is them fighting on the road. There's more to this story as we go there, Dusty.
But they're going to the Everglades. They're coming, I believe, from Jacksonville, and they're headed to the Florida Everglades. They mentioned that they have to take a bunch of back roads. They don't want to take the most direct route because they're afraid somebody might be looking. Okay, what we get is a lot of road footage, a lot of sweaty crystal.
And sweaty Leo and them staring at each other. Sweaty and whiny. Very whiny. Very whiny. They do something with the audio in this. I feel like they recorded the audio. Like in a sound stage somewhere long before or after they finished filming. Because like there's no sound. And then you just hear Crystal going, I think we should build a house together in Mexico. Or maybe North Carolina.
That shit irritates me. At least when she was whispering, it wasn't shrill, nails on the chalkboard, whining. We'll get a lot of that. That comes into play, too. They want to go to the Everglades in Florida, and they're on the run from somebody for some reason. We don't know why. A lot of I love yous. A lot of I don't know what I would do without yous. A lot of... Clinger level 10. This is what I like about this movie. This speaks to me, to one of my deepest fears as a man.
Getting attached to the wrong woman and being put into some fucking situation. Like this? Just like this. Or even worse, having a kid with this young lady. Because now I can't leave. I can't get away. I can get away, but at some point I'm going to have to interact. And who knows when. And I've dated strippers, fellas. It's fun for about a month. And then after that you realize.
Oh, this is not the life for me, boys. No way. I've got to get away. I've got to get away from you. Get away. The crazy hot matrix goes way up with them. Right through the fucking roof. And then when it falls, it goes. Yep. And it usually ends up with you either getting jumped in a parking lot or... In handcuffs. Or a case of gonorrhea pacifilates. That's what you want. That's the pros. You're hoping for the gonorrhea pacifilates. It can go south.
Here we have Leo and Crystal, and they are now firmly entrenched. And for all intents and purposes, Leo, while not the sharpest knife in the drawer, seems like he's... An all right guy that just kind of got in over his head with this. Road trip goes on. They stop at a gas station.
Fucking Crystal threw her shirt out the window, or maybe she was trying to dry it off and just let it go. It's gone now. So Leo gives her his shirt. Now he's got to go buy a new one. While he's in there shopping, she jumps out and hops on a payphone. Because this is 2012. I guess they still had those in Florida. And makes a phone call. And this is where we find out that Crystal has a daughter named Marla.
And Leo's like, I told you not to call anybody. Why are you calling? So at this point in the film, we're kind of thinking maybe... He abducted her, and maybe she's just playing along to get out of this situation, possibly. Stockholm Syndrome. You know, it's possible. Maybe that opening sequence was her struggling to get away, perhaps. I don't know, but...
He's like, hey, I told you not to call anybody. You called her, didn't you? And she's like, I promised Marla I'd get her a present. And we find out this is where we find out that Crystal has a daughter named Marla. She's left her with her mom. And through some dialogue, we're going to realize that... Crystal is married to a guy named Gray. Now, we could at this point logically assume that they are just absconding.
Crystal and Leo and they're just running away and maybe Greg is a psychopath or he's Something to that extent. You never know, buddy. I don't know. I don't know what the hell is going on here. I definitely did not think mob connections.
Crash. There we go. Jacksonville trailer park mob. That's what I'm thinking. There's a possibility. Alligator connection. Lots of stained. Swamp people mob. Yes. Exactly. Lots of stained wife beaters and mud boots. You know what? I'll take my chances with the Italians. All right. Scary stuff. So off we go, and we finally get to a hotel where we bed down. I want you to make love today.
Okay, well, not now. But before that, we get a very intense situation where there's a cop behind him. And they're like, oh, God, there's a cop. And, oh, just play it cool. Don't freak out. God damn it, Crystal. Don't freak out. Just try to act normal. Don't act like yourself no matter what you do. Luckily, the cop just kind of...
keeps going on his way, which, of course, she's freaking right out. So she naturally starts sucking his dick in the car, which I believe is... It's appropriate. It's appropriate. I think it's legal in Florida. Yeah, it's actually... The cop would drive by and... Seatbelts? Yeah. Seatbelts? They encourage it, yeah. Sharpens the focus from what I understand. That's right. Which is why I would like to announce that I'm moving to Florida next week. All right. Yeah. We're going to drive there.
So that's fine. Across the state line, honey. Go ahead. Hold on. Let me take it back to Georgia and then we'll go back again. If I see you hitchhiking. That's gross. So, obviously, this is a very volatile and intense relationship. They finally stop at a hotel. They bed down for the day or the night. I don't know. We get a very quick... I guess it was a nightmare sequence where they're laying in bed together and it looked like Leo was beating off. And Crystal's like, do you want help with that?
And he's like, yeah, I just got to get this out. And then it looked to me like she reached over him and there was a third person. In bed with him. It looked like a body. Yeah. Because there's blood and stuff on the floor. Yeah. I didn't have any idea what was going on. Well, he says, I got to get the blood out. But then it looked like they kind of started like.
dry humping him or doing a locomotion on him or something yeah that was weird what the hell it was very weird she snaps out oh god what and then she's actually just kind of nodded off in the back seat as they continue to dry Okay, interesting, I suppose. Now we're going to cut to them. on a beach, burning their clothes, and this is where we get the big reveal that they actually have a dead body in the trunk. Okay, now it's starting to make this make sense.
Now we have to assume that they are taking this dead body to the Everglades to dispose of it. I suppose would make sense, but there's a lot of real estate between Jacksonville and the Everglades and a lot of open beach. A lot of swamps. Swamps. We're going to get to see some of that here in a minute, but whatever.
But the main thing is they want to burn their clothes, which is great. They have this other clothes that they bought at the gas station. They do that, get back in the car, and now we need to start thinking about our alibi. He dumped a bunch of bleach in the trunk. Yeah, they popped the trunk. They're all like two gallons of bleach. Yeah, that was a lot of bleach. That's going to make it smell worse. That's going to smell like bleach. That's going to make it smell worse. Yeah. All right.
I don't know. Dumb plan. Yeah. Stupid. These two are not. With as hot as it is you think to catch on fire too. Just fucking get rid of it. Well, take it on a fucking road trip with you. Pull off the first dirt road you see. Actually, where they opened the trunk, they could have just dropped it right out there. Drop that fucking thing, dude.
I mean, if they were smart, they would cut it up into pieces and then scatter the pieces. They were not smart. I know, I know, I know. These two are fucking jackholes. So now we've got to come up with a plan. They can't be seen together, number one, but they do need to be seen to establish their alibi is what they would like to do. So at this point, we have to assume that...
One or both of them murdered the husband and Greg's dead body is now in the trunk of the car. All right. Excellent. The plan at this point is that... They're going to go to, I think they're like in the Tampa area now. They're going to go and find Leo's ex-bang buddy, a young lady, older lady by the name of Terry. Terry, who's a waitress at the local bar. And Leo is going to hang out with Terry for the night.
So that that way he is seen and she knows that he's there and she can later, if she has to, testify to his whereabouts. Now this part particularly sucks because unfortunately for Crystal, she basically gets to go sleep in a tent in a parking lot. Yeah. You old romantic you. It's just every turn. I was like, what the fuck is going on? What are you fucking doing, man? What are you doing? So they go, they find Terry. She's at work at a restaurant. They get the keys to the house.
From there, the master interrogation takes place. about what did you do with her what did you touch her did she like when you touched her why i don't like going to this lady's house and he's going look i know i know i know i know but this is part of the plan Stick to the plan. We'll get away with this and everything will be cool. Well, I just don't want you hanging out with your ex-girlfriend. Bear with me, sweet pea. We got a dead guy in the trunk.
Do you want to go upstate for murder? I know I don't, so let's just do this and then we'll be done with it and we can get back to you blowing me in the backseat or whatever. So they go get the keys to the house from Terry. They go back to Terry's house. Terry's still at work. They go in there. Mind you, Terry does not know about Crystal. No. They go in there, and of course, because Crystal's fruity patootie, she just starts trying on Terry's clothes.
gets into one of Terry's little negligees and tries to bang Leo. Now, I'm all for banging in strange places. But I think having a dead husband in the trunk is going to be a bit of a boner killer. You know what I'm saying? Let's get rid of the dead guy first, and then I'll dick you down, I think, is the best policy. Let's prioritize here, okay?
unfortunately crystal's got a screw loose and all she can think about is how terry and uh leo at one point did something or other and okay whatever um They've kind of put themselves together a little bit and they decide to go to a bar. Great idea. Perfect idea. They're not supposed to be seen together. Right. I thought at first he told her to just go to a bar.
So you need to go to a bar. And then why did he go? It's all over the fucking place. I think the original plan was he was going to drop her off at the bar. So she could be seen there. So she could be seen and get somebody to buy her some drinks and dance with some people. And then he could go see the cougar. Yeah, that sounds like a good plan. But instead, he just goes in there with her and we get this goddamn romantic situation where...
At this point, Crystal, like once she's got a couple of beers in her, she actually starts kind of like acting coherent for a second or two. She's like. oh you know i'm really into you and then they have like this romantic dance and then they're kind of making out in the men's room which was a little strange and The whole conversation was weird. She was trying to tell him a story and he just fucking walks away. I don't mind it at all. I mean, I would do this, but it's just like,
She's droning on and on, and he just walks away. Yeah. I would do the exact same thing. And she just clings right back onto him. He goes to the jukebox, bang. And then she does this whole role-playing thing with him while he's ignoring her. Oh, my God. Yeah, yeah. It's pretty silly, but it's, I guess, in a weird way, romantic. Dude, we have a dead guy in the back of the car. All right?
We just dumped two gallons of bleach on it. It's literally sitting out in the parking lot as we speak. People are walking past it. They're going to notice the goddamn smell. We don't have time for this shit, but whatever. uh very romantic they dance together for a second or two and then they kind of make out in the men's room like the disgusting white trash they are and then leo is like okay Let's go. We got to get out of here. I'm going to drive you back to your parking lot.
And I'm going to go bang the cougar. Right? You got me all riled up and horny? No, I got to go put it down. I got to go put it down. It's not going to be you. Nope, sorry. He did server one earlier, though, remember? He did, yeah. Yeah, there at Terry's house. And it was almost as depressing as the sex scene in a horrible movie. It was another two-pump chump. I think he just wanted to get it over with. Yeah. He's like, God, just stop fucking bothering me. Here, take a dick and then...
Give me fucking two seconds apiece. Can I just think without you touching me for five seconds? So that's, yeah, that's great. He takes her back. to, now he made a critical error here. He should have thought. He forgot to tell her to stay. Stay. Stay. Put the shot collar on her. Stay. He showed her where Terry lived.
So now she knows how to get back there. Yeah. He beds her down there in the parking lot tent. He's like, okay, three hours tops. I just got to go hang out with her for a little while and then I'll be back. Now, he knows damn well what he's got to do, right? He's got to go put it down on the Cougar. Mm-hmm. That way she'll remember. Got to make it believable. Oh, yeah. Yeah.
um that way she'll remember that you were there and clearly she wants it so that's what's got to happen he goes back to the cougars house um Now, part of the original gas station stop was that Crystal had to buy a birthday present for her daughter, Marla. She got her like this porcelain mermaid statue. Okay. And that started a whole conversation about how.
Crystal, when she was a little girl, went to this mermaid theater show where chicks swim in a tank and pretend to be mermaids, and her mom took her there. And ever since then, she's wanted to go back to see the mermaid show again. It just never fucking happened, so now we're off on this tailspin. White trash princess.
Oh, true. I want to be a mermaid and swim in the ocean. You think they got cool cigarettes at the bottom of the ocean? Right. So, what he... fucking uh leo gets back to terry's place and he's like she comes home and he acts like he was asleep in her bed and she's like who's sleeping in my bed and he's like oh uh uh i got you a present so he runs out to the car and gets a little mermaid thing
Cut back to Crystal. She just gets up, pops out of the parking lot tent, and starts walking towards Terry. In the meantime, Terry is mercilessly throwing herself at Leo, trying to get his pants off. And he's all fucked up and jittery. And I'm trying to quit smoking. I don't know. Dude, you knew what you had to do when you walked in there to begin with. Terry, as far as MILFs go, not too bad. I mean, better looking than Crystal. Fuck yeah. And she's got a house and stuff, so...
Better than living in the... I think she's got her shit together. Yeah! She's not living in a tent in a parking lot. She definitely doesn't have a dead guy in her trunk. That we know of. That we know of. I'm not going to speculate on that. But... Eventually, they get finally, after chasing him from room to room for a couple minutes, they finally get to make an out on the couch. And this is when Crystal reappears outside of her door and starts banging on the windows.
She's like, what the hell? There's somebody banging at the window. Crystal runs around to the front, runs through the front door, and just throws herself at Terry. It shows her ass. Yeah, for a second. For a second. For a hot second. Could have done without that. I don't know what it is that I find so unattractive. She fucking repulses me, bro. I agree. I agree. I think it's the voice, the clingy, the... The dopey dog looking facial expressions. It's somebody who is not put together.
And I mean that on various levels. The disheveled, the fucked up hair, the lack of makeup, that... sweaty fucking like she's all blushed all the time uh the just doe-eyed way she stares at leo um Nothing good here. But she throws herself at Terry. Leo pulls him apart. uh we gotta go we gotta get out of here i'm so sorry i'm so sorry as she's brandishing this knife and goes on a complete psycho rant But you can't tell what she's saying because she's just kind of squeaking.
That was the worst. It was like a chihuahua. Yeah, squeaky toys. What are you, what? I don't want to come here. I don't want to come here. I don't want to come here. I don't want to come here. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Okay, Jesus Christ.
So finally, Leo gets him apart, and he's like, God damn, man, this is getting out of control. He runs back in, feverishly apologizes to Terry. She tells him to go fuck himself. He goes out. Now he's all pissed off, so he takes the mermaid and smashes him. He's like, please don't call the cops. Yeah, please.
Please don't call the cops. She's like, just get the fuck out of here. They hop in the car and take off. Leo's like, you know what, dude? I will handle this, but I cannot do it with your nutbag ass. 13 millimeters away from me at all times. So guess what? Here's your fucking mermaid show. He pulls off to this weird aquatic park viewing... SeaWorld type of thing and basically drops her off in the parking lot.
Still dressing like a lot lizard. Yeah, I was going to say, she looked like she just got raped by a fucking truck driver. She just kind of stands there, blankly staring at the building while Leo hauls ass. Leo's got the right idea. He goes and finds himself, he basically just goes straight to the nearest swamp, starts looking around and finds himself a canoe rental place.
So he's like, okay, all right, let's do this. He gets out and he checks the canoes. I think the first thought was, well, I'll just steal one of these. But as he's there fucking around, the guy that works there shows up. Went to the trunk to get some pruning shears. Yeah. He was going to cut the wire that's holding the boats. That was the plan.
But then the guy that works there shows up. Oh, shit. Yeah, and that guy looked like he could easily kick Leo's ass. Oh, yeah. So I think the guy that worked there... Kind of had an idea of what was happening. He said he saw the Trump. He saw the body. I saw what I saw. Yeah. You need to leave. Yeah. He's like, just go. Just go. Yeah.
And Leo's like, look, I just want to rent a canoe. And he's like, you need to leave right now. He's like, no, come on. Just let me rent a canoe from you. How much? He's like, no, you need to get the fuck out of here. We're not even open for business yet. When do you open? Just get out of here, bro. You're not taking one of my canoes to dump your whatever that is. So Leo takes off and he's all pissed off again. Oh, fuck.
He goes back to the aquatic viewing thing where Crystal is having just a magical time watching the... She just left her there. Yeah, dude. God, yes. Leave the car there, too, and just start walking. you're better off that way you never heard of her you never met her well his prints are all over the car that's the problem buddy that's the fucking it's probably all over the dead guy too and you know as soon as she gets pinched she's gonna name him
So, see, that's what I'm talking about. But can we share a cell together? Because I love him so much. I just need to touch you at all times. I'll give you a cell job. Stick it through the bars.
That's what I'm saying, man. He can't get out of this now. And that's one of the things. Even for my son, I'm terrified of this happening. He's going to find himself a Misty Dawn or a... paprika or a cinnamon cinnamon whatever they're calling themselves these days and he's just gonna ping and then he's gonna be like oh I'm in love who's I'm going to kill him. Deacon, calm your ass down. Jesus. Anyway, he's in now, and he can't get out. Leo can't. So he's trying to do the best he can to get.
weasel his way out of this goes picks up crystal and interrupts her magical viewing experience of the mermaid and takes her back. They go back to the exact same spot where the dude already saw him with the dead body. Now, what we didn't know this whole time is that Leo has a gun in the glove box because that's what this idiot needs. I think what his plan was was just you.
If the guy showed up again, he was going to pull the gun and steal the boat. I don't know what happens. They just snip the wire blocks and put the body in a canoe, get in the boat, and start paddling downstream. I don't remember exactly what it was that set Crystal off, but out of nowhere, she just takes one of the oars and smashes Leo in the head. And then she gets out and pushes the canoe off and starts walking back to the car.
I don't know if anything set her off. He was yelling at her because he said, you did this. This was your fault. You did all this. You did all this. That's right. Just kind of berating her, and she finally had enough. Love him enough to not smash him in the head with a fucking orb. The last thing you want to do is do that to her because she just killed her husband. Right.
So it's like, oh, yeah, here. She has a switch. Yes, clearly. Clearly. But one thought that I had is, was this her plan all along? Because now Leo... Just fucking dump the body and it's floating down the stream. Both bodies. Yeah, well... There's two bodies? Yeah, the guy that he shot at the canoe shop, the canoe place. Oh, yeah. They put them both in there. Yeah, yeah. And then the original dead body. Now, and all these murders are going to get pinned to him. She could conceivably...
Just walk away and tell the cops a sad story about what a psycho he was, and he wouldn't live for a long time. And it finally got away, hit him in the head with an oar. Yeah. Yeah. But... She's not that bright. Or she was playing this nutsack all along pulling his strings. Which brings us to the end of the movie. And this is another thought I had.
So at the end of the movie, she walks back to the car. By now, the cops are there and they're searching the car and all that stuff. So she's like, oh, fuck. So she just walks back off into the swamp. Eventually, she comes to a house that has an indoor swimming pool. She just opens the slider, lets herself in, takes a dip in the pool. And we hear a voice say, do you want me to call the cops? And her reply is, no, not yet.
Does she know the person in the house? I was very confused by that. It's a thought. It is a thought. Maybe she orchestrated this whole thing and we're the fucking idiots for thinking she's such a psycho. I think it was just the neighbors basically... or the guy who owns a house, whoever. The chick. I think it was a woman's voice. Do you want me to call the cops? Like, get the fuck out of my pier or I'm going to call the cops.
And the other thing, too, is when she hit him with the oar, she all of a sudden was shocked, like, oh, shit, what did I just do? Yeah. You think so? Yeah. Okay. I don't know. Like she snapped and went wham and was like, oh, whoops. Maybe I'm giving Amy Seamitz too much credit. Maybe I'm looking for reasons to like this movie. Look hard. No!
So one thing we glazed over or actually didn't talk about was A.J. Bowen. We skipped that whole thing. Oh, yeah. Completely forgot. It is A.J. Bowen. We better talk about this. So I actually thought this was going to be like. finally it's going to change. Cause I was like, man, this whole boring thing all the way up to the freeway. Then when he pulls over, I'm like,
He's going to be the bad guy. And I was getting all excited. Something's going to happen. Yeah. I was getting all excited for this. I was like, oh, this is great. Because, I mean, he played kind of like a creepy kind of guy in a way too. Well.
I mean, yeah, I guess he was a little creepy. So basically what happens is their car overheats because it's a piece of shit. This is like first, I don't know, 15, 20 minutes of the movie before we really have any answers about what the hell's really going on here. Their car breaks down because the radiator's on the fritz and they need to pull over and let it cool off.
A.J. Bowen rolls up with his dad bod, and he's like, hey, you know, I broke down the other day, and somebody stopped to help me, so I thought I'd stop and help you. And Leo is. already shaking and losing his mind. He's like, no, we just need to let it cool down. Thank you very much for the help. He's like, okay, well, I'll just sit here and wait with you. And Leo's like, no, you can go ahead and go. Just get the hell out of here. We got this. And AJ Bone is like,
Well, you know, I, uh, yeah, he just kept it. He just kept, yeah, I went to, he was a very pushy. Yeah. I saw the, uh, cyclotron once, uh, is in Georgia. You ever been there? Let me tell you about that. And you're like, Oh, you know, we just gotta, we're going to get back in the car now. And he's like, all right, well, I kind of got the ID.
One of the things that kind of led me in one of those directions was that A.J. Bowen is looking at Crystal like... Are you a victim? Are you okay? Can you give me a wink or something if you are in trouble? And she's just being Crystal with that doe-eyed... Kind of a... Especially when the boyfriend's like... Me and my girlfriend got to have a talk. Get in the car. Yeah. And then he's like looking at her. Yeah. AJ Bowen's looking at her as he's walking by.
But yeah, I thought for sure he was going to be like the bad guy in this. I was like, oh, this is going to be awesome. It needed a little more A.J. Bowen. Yeah. It needed a little more something. Something. Anything. Anything to... Make it more interesting. I like this movie. I'll tell you right now. I'm going to tell you right now. I like it. It speaks to one of my deepest fears as a young man. I don't think if... I think it was... The girl just like...
Got me out of it all the way. Yeah, me too. I couldn't – the voice and – I know she was probably instructed to act that way. She gets an Oscar for the way she acts. I'm telling you, yeah. It was just so annoying. It was perfect. It was perfect. But I just couldn't stand it. It was giving me the fucking...
PTSD flashbacks and shit. That's what I'm saying. From some of the ex-strippers, or maybe they are still strippers, I don't know. But some of the strippers I messed around with, same thing. You know what I'm saying? Everything is just like... I can't take you out to dinner in a movie. Because you're going to freak out about the way the waitress looked at me. Or...
Your phone's going to ring halfway through and we're going to have to go save your friend from something. I can't do it, dude. Her lips got stuck on a pole. Yeah, some horseshit. You know what I mean? That's what I'm talking about. Which poll? All right. Buddy and Dusty clearly did not care for this film. I say it's worth a watch. It's worth a watch, dude. Oh, wow. The vibe of this movie is so funky.
I'd like to see if anybody agrees with you. These two are slates. Probably not. Let us know. I'm the only one. I would feel bad for anyone watching this and going through this torture that we went through. It wasn't that bad. Fucking hell. Oh my god. I like movies that make me uncomfortable. It didn't make me uncomfortable. It made me angry and annoyed. At times, yeah.
And it affected you. It did affect me. I'll give you that. All right, dudes. Let's take us a break. We'll come back with something else. All right. Hey, inmates. If you like what you hear, head over to the Padded Room Facebook group and support us through the patron link with a small monthly donation. Check out the T-Villain link at paddedroom.podbean.com and grab some t-shirts. Thanks for listening and enjoy the rest of the show.
And we're back, baby. Well, I think it's time for three on a meat hook, gentlemen. Yeah. on a meat hook. This week's meat hook. Top three Florida movies. Florida horror movies. Now, that's a broad spectrum. They can take place in Florida. They can be made in Florida. The director could come from Florida. Oh, boy. It was.
It was a lot wider range than I anticipated, but I picked some. They could reference Florida. Okay. I can tell you right now what both your number ones are. I doubt it. Sun Don't Shine. Sun Don't Shine, number one. No. Maybe number one shit list. Oh, buddy. If we were doing the Razzies, maybe number one. Oh, no. All right, then, buddy, give me number three when you're ready. Number three, Jeepers Creepers. Okay. That's my number one. That's your number one? Yeah. Okay.
I don't know if you even had my number one. I know you really like, so I don't know if it's even on your list. I was thinking about The Shining, but I didn't know you were going. Because there was a piece that was actually shot there. Oh, yeah. You're right. But I was like, well, I don't know if you would consider that it. So I was like.
Wow. But otherwise, that would have been in my top three. So I took that one completely off. Okay. Well, that's not in my top three. I mean, it's got a hotel room. I did all mine are all... Definitely Florida. Yeah, so are mine. So Jeepers Creepers, number three. Okay. Me too. Jeepers Creepers for you? Yep, number three. My number three, a little film.
It was remade in the year 2000, but the original was made in 1971, entitled 2000 Maniacs. Have you guys seen this? Oh, yeah. Herschel Gordon Lewis. I didn't see the remake. The remake had Robert Englund in it. Oh, yes, I did see that. It's fine. I mean, they're both very silly, but Herschel Gordon Lewis is... Are you guys familiar with Herschel Gordon Lewis, the godfather of Gore? He was known for really ramping up the gore, really...
Doing some horrible things to women. But the fun part about it is his blood was always like this bright red neon almost. So when the blood started flowing and he'd always have these very colorful backdrops. So it made the blood pop. Okay. And it usually involves some buxom young starlet getting her shirt ripped off. This is 60s and 70s. Of course. But the premise of the movie is that these tourists get lost in this. This very small town in Florida, literally populated by 2,000 maniacs.
So these tourists get murdered in very gruesome ways. Like they take one guy and they stick him in a barrel and they hammer a bunch of nails into the barrel, and then they roll him down a hill in the barrel. So he gets jacked up. Yeah. And then they do like a dunk tank, but there's a giant rock, and when you hit... the target, the rock, smashes a young lady. It's pretty gnarly, but that's my number three. I think it was supposed to be a comedy. The original was supposed to be a comedy.
These guys are like some serious Florida rubes. Florida man. Yeah, you could say that. How about number two then? The Haunting 1999. Okay. I didn't know that took place in Florida. Okay. I'm going to be honest with you, man. I didn't much care for that one. The 1999 version? Not my cup of tea. And you like this piece of shit we watched this week? I explained why I liked it, right? No, just too much. I mean, the house was ridiculous, dude.
You're talking about the one with Catherine Zeta-Jones and Liam Neeson. That house was like walking into like a... It's like the size of a shopping mall. It had to be. With all these giant things swinging down. Wasn't that the point, though? It was supposed to be a very wealthy... Dude, you're right, but the wooden effigies, they all start moving and staring at you and stuff. All right, take it easy. You know what I mean? I liked it. We're getting into poltergeist land. I didn't mind it.
I watch it 20 fucking times before I watch the stupid sunshine again. Good, because we'll be watching it again next week. Yeah, feature film coming at you again. I didn't know that took place in Florida, though. I always thought it was, I don't know, somewhere else. I don't even remember, like, the whole thing's in the house. I don't remember where the house is located. Yeah, uh... I don't know. Whatever. All right. That's fine. How about number two, Dusty? Crawl.
That's a good one. That's a good one. Yeah, that was good. I don't think you can find a better killer alligator movie. No, I really like this one. Oh, that's good, buddy. You've got to watch it. It's good. You've never seen Crawl? It's a hurricane, so everything's flooded in the fucking alligator. Alligator, because it's Florida.
gets in the house with these people and trying to, it's basically floors lava, but it's fucking trying to get away from the, yeah. And like the chick is some kind of an Olympic. Yeah. They lay it on a little thick with her alpha female. Yeah, but I thought it was a good creature. All right. That's reason number one.
$212, why I want to kill an alligator. Yes. And if we ever make it to New Orleans, I'll pay the $1,800, dude. I'm putting down an alligator. That's all there is to it. I'm going to try and bring back a tooth. Crawl. Oh, you just said that. Yes, you did. I don't think I've seen this one. Oh, it's really good. It's about an alligator and a hurricane. It's about an alligator, buddy. And put it in somebody's house. My number two, then, Day of the Dead.
Okay. Yeah. That's a good one. I was kicking that one around too. Actually shot in the Pittsburgh area. And really the only reference to Florida that's made. Palm trees. Well, there is palm trees. And there's a map of Florida at one scene in the back of the army. Oh. Well, the testing facility, whatever it was, was in Florida, but the other thing was...
Part of it was in Pittsburgh. Yeah, but they weren't going back and forth to Florida. The caves where they shot the underground stuff, that was in Pittsburgh. I think they actually probably did shoot. at least part of it in Florida, like at the opening scene when they touched down with the helicopter. They had to have. That's where the whole story is supposed to take place, too.
Florida. You guys ever see any of those remakes? Uh-uh. They are garbage. I've heard you talk so much shit about them, I've never even tried to dive in. The Nick Cannon one is the worst. They really wiped their ass with Day of the Dead in that one. The other one with the Joker zombie. At least I felt like they put some effort into it, but the Nick Kiernan one was fucking good.
All right. He probably got 27 women pregnant on the set of that movie. Oh, yeah. There's 14 cannon zombie babies running around now. He's shooting them by cannons. Yeah, he is. Hey. All right. How about number one then, buddy? Okay. I didn't even think about that one. Yeah, that's more of like a crime thriller. So, you're wrong. Hey, we established a couple episodes back.
In the 90s, we rebranded horror as thrillers. It's true. We did. Yeah, because we could not have... That one had Robert De Niro in it. That had some serious star power. Juliette Lewis. And you couldn't have, like if that was an Oscar contention, not a horror movie. Thriller. Thriller. That's what they did with Silence of the Lambs. Yep. God damn it. All right, Dusty, number one. The Devil's Advocate.
I would call that a New York horror movie. It starts out in Florida. It starts in Florida. You're right. And you had a very broad fucking spectrum. I did. No, you're right. You're right. You're absolutely right. And he has that Florida Southern drawl. He's a Florida guy in New York. Do you take Charlize Theron with the long curly hair or the short...
Mom hair. Any way she'll have me. Yes. Okay. That's fair. I didn't like the hair bunt thing she had going on at the halfway point until Al Pacino explained it. Then I was like, he's right. That's kind of hot. He gives her that whole speech about the... The bridge between the mind and the body being the neck, and you need to show your neck work. He played a good fucking devil.
I wanted to have sex with him. He was a maniac. I'm doubting my own sexuality because of this guy. He's like three could be my father for Christ's sake. That's a good one. I already told you my number one Jeepers Creepers. A lot of, you know... Nasty business around Jeepers Creepers with Victor Salva and all that. But I think if you can separate the art from the artist, but at the same time...
If you watch it knowing what you know about Victor Salva. It's hard to not notice. It's hard to not get that slow pan of Justin Long's belly button. Yeah. What are we doing? What is that? That's gross. I didn't notice it until I knew he was a chomo. But now that I know... And zooms in on it. I don't need to do that. But the creeper is awesome. Yeah. There is some legit scary shit in there, like him doing the thing, the scarecrow thing. Oh, yeah. He can fucking fly. He's got a battle axe.
The whole thing about how he needs lungs. So he rips out somebody's lungs and eats them. It's a cool... It is. It sucks that the... You know, 2 wasn't bad. But then it just kind of went downhill. It went right downhill. It's a very cool, like, original character with a cool backstory kind of thing. And I wish the subsequent movies would have been better. The second one's not terrible, but...
The rest of them were fucking poop. Third is garbage. And then that rebranding thing they did a couple years ago was really bad. Yeah. You know that whole premise was based on an episode of Unsolved Mysteries? Was it really? Yeah. There was a Florida couple. that was driving down a lonesome highway and somebody got right up on their ass in a big truck and started honking and beeping at them and finally went around them and took off.
And then they saw the same truck. Dumping a body in a culvert? Dumping, like, holding up, like, trying to get, like, getting rid of, like, a bunch of bloody sheets. And then they went and called the cops. I don't remember anything past that, but still kind of nasty. Right on. That is our meat hook for the weekend, mates. It's top three Florida horror movies. By all means, get as creative with that definition as you want.
Sun don't shine at the number one spot, though. I'd like a little variety. Mental health hotline is area code 775-387-0275 or just hit us up at mail at paddedroompodcast.com. And we'll make fun of you next week. Either way, it's time for a little What Are You Looking At? Yeah. What are you looking at? Yes, sir. Just hit Shudder, I believe earlier this week, a movie called Dead Mail from 2024. You guys get a chance to check this out? Not yet. I always wondered what happens to mail.
Well, not so much these days because nobody uses snail mail anymore. But like back in the 80s, you put one digit wrong on somebody's address. How do they figure out that it's supposed to go to the right address? I think a lot of times it doesn't return the right address according to this movie each post office has their own male detective okay and he tracks
makes phone calls and looks at maps and does a bunch of... I don't think anybody at the U.S. Postal Service is working that hard. I like to think there's somebody somewhere burning calories. What do you do? I'm a postal detective. Yeah. I'm the dead mail guy. This takes place obviously in like 1983 or something like that. But this guy gets, he's the dead male detective and he gets a letter.
with a bunch of bloody fingerprints on it. It says, help me, I'm at this address. But then he looks at the address and there is no address. And then he has to track it down. Because it's such an 80s movie, we find out that it has to do with a guy trying to design a better synthesizer. Like a literal sound synthesizer. And another guy that was obsessive about it. I don't want to ruin it for you. It's interesting. I will say that. I'm not bad at it, but it is interesting.
I watched that and then I watched a movie called Strange Darling from 2023. You guys seen this? Oh, yeah. This one I really wish I had put on my serial killer meat hook because this is a bad motherfucker, man. You seen it, buddy? Nope. Oh, you've got to see this one. It's a serial killer movie, but it's all centered around a one-night stand between a guy that hooks up with a chick at a bar and they go back to a seedy hotel to pay.
Okay. And you're thinking – it starts off with a preamble about this prolific serial killer was loose in the mid-'80s and he was – They were captured at a later point. And then as the movie goes on, you see the guy like kicking the shit out of the girl and you're thinking, oh, he's the serial killer. But because it's a disjointed Tarantino-esque story, you realize that before they actually started fucking around, she asked him to do all that shit to her because she likes it rough.
It's fucking bananas. It is bananas. And then when we finally realize who the killer is and who it isn't, then we get this cat and mouse thing and everybody dies. Every unfortunate soul that happens into this circumstance gets shot in the head or poisoned or... It's a great show. You've seen it, Dusty? Oh, yeah. It's a good show, right? Yeah, Jason was high, high, high, high praise on it, and I watched it.
I think when it came out, first thing, we paid for it on the VOD, whatever, Prime or whatever. Yeah, we really liked it. It's on Paramount+. If you want to check it out. Oh, it is free. Okay. I'll watch it again. Yeah, it's really good. Wow. Highly recommend that one. Okay. And it's got my horror crush, Kyle Gallner. And he has been working out. I'll tell you right now, he looks good. That's all I'm looking at. Dusty, what do you got?
We watched Companion. Have you guys seen? Yeah. Well, I haven't seen it, but I've heard about it. It just dropped on Max. Okay. It's hard to tell about it without kind of ruining a little bit of it. It's basically... a guy who's played by... Dennis Quaid's son. Jack Quaid. He plays Huey and the boys. He plays kind of a nerdy character a lot of times. Anyway, he buys himself a fuckbot. Megan? No. It's a complete separate thing. Okay. So he buys himself a fuckbot.
and she doesn't know she's a fuckbot. Oh, shit. And... He gets together at a cabin in the woods with some friends, and then problems ensue. Okay. The malfunctioning fuckbots and possibly... reprogrammed fuckbots to do other things that they normally wouldn't do. Okay. It's actually definitely worth a watch. You wanna... kick in the extra $200 for the warranty on the fuckbot, you're going to want that. Oh, God. It's pretty fucking funny, too. Okay. There's a lot of good lines. It's got Guillermo.
Guillermo. Yeah. Guillermo. Nice. He's in that. And then. He's not the fuckbot, is he? No. I don't want to see that. I don't know why I want to see that. But he. I don't want to say this. You've got to watch it. It's fucking funny. It's really good. It's got a lot of good gore and everything. It's good. It's a good one. So we watched that, and we took the girls to the theater and watched Drop. The new, it's got the...
I don't know if you've, this guy, I don't know what else he's been in besides the Yellowstone spinoff, the 1923. But anyway, so this woman goes on a first date. with a guy she met off of an app. Okay. And they're going to, I believe it's in Seattle or Chicago. I don't know. It's a city.
They're going to a restaurant at the top of the hotel, so you can see out over the whole city. Oh, yeah. Okay. And they're sitting there, and they had been conversing through the app for, I don't know, a month or so. She has come from an abusive relationship, a very abusive relationship. She's a widow and has a five-year-old son, and she's just getting out there again, just feeling comfortable enough to get out there.
And so she finds this guy and he's a photographer by trade. And she decides, okay, well, what the hell, we'll give it a shot. And so they go on this date and then she keeps getting these, They call them... They can't say airdrop, but it's some kind of an app, right? And she keeps getting these airdrops on her phone, like funny memes, and then I'm watching you, and then...
you need to watch this. And basically it's telling her that she needs to kill her date. Wow. Okay. So, and first of all, I don't want to tell anything more than that, but basically. If you don't kill your date, then I've got my guy in your house, check your cameras on your phone, and he's all balaclava'd up with a gun, and he's going to kill your son and your sister. who's babysitting the son, unless you kill your date. Cool.
So... Okay. It's pretty nuts. The trailer looked really good. Yeah. It's pretty intense. Jason was saying there was some kind of... Yeah, and I forgot to call him before we went to go see it because there's an interactive thing to do with it. Whereas some... If you do this app or something on your phone at some port part during the movie, it would interact. I mean, I forgot to ask him about it before we went in and see. He said it was on the counter, but...
You know, the guys that work at a movie theater don't tell you about it when, you know, you go in there because they're fucking 16-year-old rubes. But you're allowed to do it while you're in the theater. Yeah, this is what Jason said. I didn't see that part. Oh, man. I didn't know about that. But we really liked it. It was good. It was intense. I don't know. If I'd call it horror, it's more of a... Thriller? Yeah. Action movie. Action movie. Diehard-ish kind of thing. Right on.
So, but yeah, it was good. Okay. Very cool. And then watched the whole season of the most recent Black Mirror season. There's some good ones. There's some bad ones. That's to be expected. Overall, the first episode, like Buddy talked about last week, was really good. I really liked that one.
And I think it's like, I wouldn't say it's as controversial as they made. I still think season one, episode one, fucking the pig. Yeah. That's about as gnarly as it's going to get. So it wasn't that, I mean, but it was, it was realistic. Realistic. Right on. And first episode of The Last of Us, new season that just came out. Yeah. Everybody's raving about it already. I haven't seen the second episode. I think we're going to try to watch that tomorrow. I haven't seen any of it. Me neither.
It's good. Everybody loves it. I've got to get on it one of these days. I started the game once, but it bored the piss out of me. All right, buddy. I checked out the last season of Black Mirror, just episode two and three. Cool. So not fully all the way through it, but almost that. Right on. And then I restarted Black Mirror season one and watched all three episodes of that.
Oh, kicking it back to the beginning, huh? Yeah, my daughter decided to join me for that. And so I was like, oh, okay, yeah. You haven't seen this? Well, let's check it out. All righty. Get you going on it. Very cool. Yeah, that's it. Right on, dudes. How about some immersion therapy then, yeah? Mm-hmm. Immersion therapy.
Yes, sir. Brain Scan, 1994. Classic. This one's silly, man. It's good, though. Yeah, it is. It was like a two-year period where... computers were kind of scary because we didn't know like the kids knew what they were could do but we couldn't we just had to kind of go with it you know this whole setup now yeah you know you're looking at you're watching this thing what 94 so we were fucking 13 14 15 years old
Now the whole setup is doable. Oh, totally. You got more power in your phone than what he had. Yeah, his deal was like all the... The shit and the CD-ROM and the floppy disk and all that fun stuff. I wish you could rename Alexa Igor. That'd be sick. That'd be awesome, right? Yeah. Got to get her to talk like that, too, though. Yes, master. Which was fitting for his limp. Yeah, totally. Got to tease the hair, though, and get a nose ring.
And I think this was his second or third movie. I think it was second. Probably after T2. After T2. I think T2, this one, then he did Pet Sematary 2. And then he moved on to... I think Detroit Rock City. Oh, American History X. Was he in Detroit? Yeah, he was in Detroit. city yeah and then after that he just Then he just got into the Hollywood binge drinking and... Plumped up quite large. Now he weighs 400 pounds. I saw a picture of him. Oh, my God. It was terrible.
They had a picture of him and, like, Jabba the Hutt standing, you know. Oh, yeah. That bad, huh? It's gnarly. Jeez. I mean, what? Because he's got those kind of really. buggy eyes yeah he's got like the bags under his eyes which he always had really but now he's just I think I saw him in the Night of the Demons remake yeah and that was like just when he was starting to plump up
And you're like, you're letting yourself go a little bit there, Eddie. And then before you know it, he shows up in like the crow, wicked prayer. And he just fucking... Come on, man. Damn. Seriously? You know what you look like. Surely you have a scale at your house.
You've got to be able to afford like an instructor of some sort. That's what I'm saying. Anybody in Hollywood, I don't think there's an excuse really. Not really. You don't have a job. You can get a cook. You can get a cook. Yeah. You have a personal trainer. Yeah. Well, if you're throwing all your money into booze and blow, you're not too interested. All right. Well, it's still a fun movie. I enjoyed it. Did you guys ever see Hackers with Angelina Jolie? Kind of remind me of that a little bit.
Same era, same Bane. It was like a weird minute there where having a cool computer could get you laid, which I don't think it ever could. No. Not anywhere that I was from, that's for sure. Not that I had a cool computer. Didn't Hackers have that guy from Scream, too? Yeah, Matthew Lillard. Matthew Lillard, yeah. Yeah, he was in it, and Johnny Miller, and... Eddie Furlong, he was spying on that chick. Has she been in anything since?
She looked familiar. Was she the sister on fucking Honey, I Shrunk the Kids? You might have been. That's about the same era. Let's see here. Boy, he was a fucking professional titlurker, wasn't he? Oh, God, he sure was. Well, she didn't mind either. Oh, no, she did not mind. She wanted to get lurked on is what she wanted. But I feel like she wasn't 18 in this. I was like.
Oh, I think she had to be. I don't know if it was her. She had to have been, but those boobs were like, those are young boobs. Amy Hargraves. And she was in Blue Ruin. 13 Reasons Why. Going back, she was in... Wow, Superdark. So she's been in it a few. She has. Yeah, as I said, she looked familiar, but I couldn't put a finger on it. I thought she looked a lot like the sister in Honey, I Shrunk the Kids. No, this was her first acting role. It was in Brain Scan.
There you have it, man. All right, buddy, what do you got for us this week, bud? All right, this week, let's check out 1984's Runaway. This is set in the near future. A police officer specializes in malfunctioning robots. When a robot turns out to have been programmed to kill, he begins to uncover a homicidal plot to create killer robots. And his son becomes a target. And you'll find this gem on Tubi. Gene Simmons at his finest. That's right.
Check that shit out, inmates. We'll do the same and we can compare notes next week. And the handsome Tom Selleck. Oh, yeah, of course. With all his mustache glory. Stachioed. Now it's time for Who is Daddy?
Who is Daddy? First, my clues from last week. Well, I am involved in the Spanish Civil War, and, uh... whore of a mom just hooked up with one of the uh opposing generals good for me i guess i'm in a safe place now bad for me he's an abusive prick um well at least I found my way to the bottom of a well where there's a bunch of fun creatures that are going to help me escape the horror of this uh
Military encampment and the prick that my mom is banging on the side. I am, of course, Pan's Labyrinth. I love this movie. Really? Yeah. I've seen it probably over a dozen times. Anytime I'm in a weird movie mode, that's when I pop on. It's definitely Del Toro. You look at that and you could... Oh, yeah. It's him. His style. That's him all the way. One of my favorite creatures in that is the guy with the eyeballs. The guy with the hands, yeah.
The monsters are pretty good. Even Pan himself I thought was awesome. It's a fairy tale. Yeah. I always thought. A horror fairy tale. A dark fairy tale. Dark, yeah. I mean the... The hand guy is pretty creepy. And, of course, she has to go down there and eat. What did she have, a grape or something after everybody tells her not to eat? Not to, yeah. Anything that fucks her all up. But that's a good show. So who might I be this week, you ask? Well.
I am a 12-year-old kid, I think, 9 to 12 region. My mom just inherited this big, creepy house. And at first I'm thinking, fuck me, the place is haunted. But as the longer I stay here, the more I come to realize it's not haunted. There's these little fucking guys running around all over the place. They look kind of creepy at first, but once you get to know them, they're okay. And they actually kind of help me deal with some early childhood trauma, especially with my dad just dying and stuff.
Who might I be, you ask? Tune in next week, and I'll drop some knowledge on you, inmates. In the meantime, I think that's about going to do it for us. Thank you very much for joining us. Join us next week for your next closing out. AJ Bowen. All right, finally a good one. Figured you guys could use a palate cleanser. Yes, thank you. Especially after the glory that is Sun Don't Shine. I'm surprised you didn't say that for last.
Maybe next time I will, buddy. Like, comment, subscribe wherever you found the show. It helps our visibility quite a bit. We do have a Patreon campaign running if you're interested. Just go to paddedroompodcast.com and find everything you need to know about us there. In the meantime, for A.J. Bowen, Florida Couples, Giant Alligators... Cars that are not road-worthy in the least bit. An exciting turn that we may actually get a football-based horror movie.
These are two of my favorite things. Now, they could come together like peanut butter and jelly, or they could be... They've done it before. There's a football horror movie? Yeah, it's a high school one. What? Wait, wait, whoa. You're blowing my mind here. Maybe it was more of a thriller. But it's the one where it infects people's minds and then they're like – Oh, you're thinking of – Oh, that's the faculty. That's an alien order. Yeah, that's not football.
This looks like a football horror movie. The whole thing takes place in 60 minutes. That's what it is. Four quarters, you're done. And the Padded Room Podcast, I'm afraid, visiting hours are over.