I wouldn't just have like a chick with her tits out. Impressational ecstasy Padded Room Radio is back on the air. You beautiful ladies and gentlemen out there. My name is Darian. I am back for another episode of Horror Fun. times and good things and positive vibrations and all kinds of other fun stuff my main man buddy is here hey what's going on what's going on big buddy oh you know uh just uh working
Just working? Yeah, just working. I don't know why I even ask you anymore. The answer is always the same. It's always just work. God damn it, man. Yeah, we're getting busier with the other facility closing, and we're getting ready to add 10 more pack stations. So we've got electricians doing all the work. wiring and all that jazz. What goes on in the pack stations? They pack. Yeah, I bet they do. Busy, busy, busy, man. Got some big packages in the pack station.
You know there is. Speaking of big packages, Dusty's in the house. Hey, yo. What's going on there, big fella? Nothing much, just a lot of little...
Home improvement going on over Casa de la Red Queen. Oh, fuck me, man. We are exactly 30 minutes late to the start of this show. And the reason for that, ladies and gentlemen, is because I cannot get a... ounce of water into my dishwasher all of a sudden my good friends buddy and dusty were trying to help me troubleshoot this fuck fest but it just somebody's gonna have to get
The knee pads on and the headlamp and get underneath the house. Dig it! Dig it! Daphne, where are you? Get your ass down here. Oh, God. You know what? I love being a homeowner. But at the same time, I kind of miss being the apartment guy. Yeah. You just call your landlord and say, hey, dude, fix this shit. Hey, Sven, I guess. Mario, get your ass over here.
That's a me. I flush my toilet and the water goes this way instead of that way. You need to come check this shit out. That's why the toilet goes through the dishwasher. Exactly right. I got turds in my sink all of a sudden. It has nothing to do with my drinking process.
No problem. You know, funny story. When I was in college, we lived in a... You shit in the sink. No, no, no. I was living with a bunch of dudes in a house over in Old Reno by the university. And the one bathroom on the... main floor some for some reason or other every once in a while you'd be taking a shower in there and it would just start the drain would be clogged and bubbling up and it would be
fucking feces sewage and I'm like what in the actual fuck there's supposed to be two separate pipes right no no you get shit in the shower oh yeah yeah it was a great house that was so about a A year and a half ago, I ran the Modesto Marathon. Airbnb'd it. Three families in the house. Six, seven kids, I think. Ran the full marathon. Come back. We've got to check out at 11. Everybody needs to take a shower.
Somehow, just like your situation, the toilet backs up into the shower, and there's now poop coming out of the shower drain. What the fuck? Yeah, exactly. Yeah. So I drove home. from to reno smelling like the inside of a sweat sock because as soon as i saw the brown gravy at my feet i did like a quick michael jackson move and got the fuck out of the street oh my feet are forever unclean
Dirty toesies, mommy. Dirty toesies. Oh, it's nasty. All right. Enough about us and our unhygienic ways. We have a regular horror show to get to, gentlemen. Horror news, listener mail, all the usual fun stuff. Let's kick things off with a little horror news, if we could. Mm-hmm. Horror news. Dusty, what do you got? Yes, I'm going first today. I saw you waving me down over there.
Anyway, I don't know if Buddy had mine anyway, but I got a couple. Entertainment Weekly has released new photographs of Mortal Kombat 2 featuring Carl Urban as Johnny Cage. Adeline Rudolph as Katana, Martin Ford as Shao Kahn, and then Hiroki Sanada reprises his role as Scorpion. So they released those photos of them all in their...
Full character garb. And then today, T-1000 dropped on Mortal Kombat 1. Oh, did he? Yes. Okay. And they also, these photos that they have for MK2 movie, they put MK2... movie skins in Mortal Kombat. Oh, very cool. So yeah, you can get the Scorpion skin for Scorpion, Johnny Cage skin for him, and the Shao Kahn skin for him, and the Katana. Let's be real. We've all seen the last Mortal Kombat movie. Yeah.
Really, all I'm worried about is Kano. Is Kano coming back? We've got to have Kano. He carried that whole movie, as far as I'm concerned. That's what I've read. He's coming back. He's fucking well better, mate. Mate. And then I've got the Toxic Avenger poster and photos unveiled a first look at Peter Dinklage as Toxie. I've seen them. Have you seen them? Yeah. They look silly. Yeah.
Okay, so we have to just accept a few things about this movie. Number one, this is straight comedy. That's all it is, right? Number two, we're going to have to fall in love with a dwarf Toxie. Yeah. Which is not necessarily a bad thing. It's just a new take on a classic, I suppose. Number three, it's directed by Macon Blair. The name probably doesn't ring any bells. He is one of Jeremy Garnier's favorite guys. Jeremy Garnier, have you guys seen a movie called Blue Ruin? The Green Room.
Yeah, I've seen that. Macon Blair played the head Nazi drug addict guy. Oh, Murder Party. Macon Blair was the... fake vampire that was forced to take off his vampire teeth and his vampire outfit. I don't know. But I... I kind of expect like an artsy-fartsy kind of like overview on this. But at the same time, it's a toxic Avenger. How artsy-fartsy can you get? It doesn't look very artsy-fartsy from the photos. I know. I know.
And I don't know if this is part of your story. I don't want to step on your toes. No, I'm done. I'm just announcing the photos if you guys want to go check them out. Well, funny thing.
St. Patrick's Day has just rolled past us, and there was a little bit of a publicity stunt in the Chicago River. Yeah, Chicago River. They dye it green every St. Patrick's Day. I don't know if it was Peter Dinklage or not, but... A small person donned the Toxie outfit and got on a boat and they paraded him up and down the Chicago River.
That's pretty good. Yeah. Good marketing anyway. And looking at, I've seen the pictures that you talked about. If you're expecting Toxie, like the big, strong, buff guy, you're not going to get him. You're going to get more of a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle. He looked very cartoony for sure. And he's green now. Yeah, green. And it looked like he had... The poster is actually...
Pretty cool, but it only shows half of his face. But it looked like he had, like, glasses, like a sunglasses lens stuck in his eye, like it fused in there or something. Kind of a deal. I don't know. I don't know what we're doing with that. Toxie always had the one eye that was just out here, and then he had one good eye. I don't know. All right.
That's all I got, buddy. Speaking of the toxic, there's also a Halloween mask out there for the new Toxic Avenger as well. So look for that this year. Okay. I don't know how much it is. It didn't say, but it's coming out. It's from Trick or Treat Studios. Minimum. $65. Yeah. Guaranteed. That's a going rate for them, I think, huh? Yeah, pretty much, yeah. That's low end, by the way.
All right, Big Freaking Rat. There's a trailer out there. It's about a giant-sized creature feature that gnaws into your home in April, so a giant-sized rat. Experience this hairy tale of horror with a comic twist on VOD outlets April 29th this year. Cabin in the Woods style Indonesian horror called Sugar Mill hits North America theaters in April.
It's described as a chilling tale that evokes the cabin in the woods while staying rooted in Indonesian lore. The film will be released in theaters, including IMAX, this April as well. Okay, so usually I'm on board with the foreign horror movies. But when you come at me with the Indonesian lore pretext, that means there's going to be a bunch of shit in there that I just don't fucking understand.
I'm not going to brush up on my Indonesian just to watch a movie. No? No, I'm not. No, I'm not. I'm not going to do it, buddy. So it'll all be lost in translation is what you're saying. Probably. So, I mean, if you can keep it like... There's a crazy guy in the woods and his name is whatever the fuck. That's fine. I'm good with that. But if we need to investigate the god with six arms and the...
Funny guy from Indiana Jones and Temple of the Doom and all that fun stuff. Dude, we don't. I'm not. No, I'm not that invested in your movie, bro. I'm not going to go to the library. Better give a little back story if you're going to expect people to.
Know what you're talking about. Yeah. I mean, I'll do a little backstory, but just don't leave it on me to do the research, gentlemen. That's what I'm saying. Have like a brief explanation. Exactly. The movie's going to have to have a little explanation. There you go. Sure. That makes sense. But don't do the thing that we hate where they explain everything.
like they're talking to their friend. Oh yeah. That'll piss me right off. Yeah. That'll piss me off. All right. That's what I got. What do you got? Well, that's great, buddy. I've known you for like 12 and a half years and we've hung out many times. Now I'm going to read. my horror news. Fucking stupid, man. I hate that. Dudes, dudes, dudes, dudes, dudes. Does the name Darren Arnofsky ring any bells?
Russian guy? You're right. Have you guys seen a movie called... Oh, God damn it. What the fuck is it called? Double-sided dildo. Marlon Wayans gets his arm amputated. Prelude to a dream? Is that what it's called? Jared Leto, he's a heroin addict. Oh, yeah. Prelude to...
Requiem for a Dream. Requiem for a Dream. That's what it is. It's got the girl from Labyrinth. Jennifer Connelly. Jennifer Connelly, yes. Oh, God, that was hot. That is the director, and he is now in talks to direct Netflix's remake of Cujo. Oh, so that's when they got to do it. Yeah, buddy. Interesting. So it's going to be more psychological and they're probably going to go heavy into the...
Adulteress. Cheating spouse. But, I mean, you've read the book, right? Yeah. Yeah, that's 99% of the book is cheating. A guy who's trashing your house and beating off all over your... situation which does happen in the book i didn't just make that up okay that happened i think stephen king said he wrote that entire book while he's high as a fucking kite on cocaine good for him he wrote it like
Two hours. I mean, I'm exaggerating, but he basically said he rode it in like a weekend. Good for him. But just fucking high as a kite. My man. To this day, he does not remember directing Maximum Overdrive at all. I've heard that as well. At all. That's impressive, dude. Yeah. There are some things in my life that I wish I didn't remember. Directing a feature film.
That's something that would stick out to me. Okay, all right, anyway. Starring Emilio Estevez. Emilio! Emilio! Emilio! Neil Blomkamp. Oh, here's something I'm excited for. Neil Blomkamp. has confirmed his new Starship Troopers project. Oh, I did read that. Yeah, buddy. I'm not a huge Neil Blomkamp guy, to be honest with you. Chappie, District 9...
He was... Didn't he get a few awards for District 9? Oh, yeah, yeah. They love that shit. They love all that alien xenophobia stuff that he puts in there. So... Starship Troopers is probably going to be more of a statement about fascism, I imagine. It was very, what do you call it, propaganda. The whole movie was all these propagandas. Like World War II-esque.
There's our boys. Go step on some bugs, kids. Yeah, exactly. Do your part. Do your part. Good times. I don't know, man. How many Starship Troopers movies are there now? There's at least three or four, right? I remember only the first one. It was the best, obviously. So the book...
that Starship Troopers was based on was actually recommended reading in the Marine Corps because they used actual patrolling tactics and things like that. That's what I read about the new one you're talking about, how they're going to try to stay more true to the source material. Oh, really? Yeah. Okay. Very cool. Well, maybe he'll do that. Grindhouse is releasing a 6-disc UHD 4K special edition of The Beyond. Have you guys seen The Beyond?
That movie, for the life of me, will never make any sense. I've seen it several times. Why is her dog eating her all of a sudden? It's an obscene eye dog. Why is the dog eating the blind child? I don't know. That's Lucio Fulci at his finest, I suppose. Italian. It's Italian. Lost in translation. Speaking of translation, Jen Ortega and...
Taylor Russell are in talks to lead a single white female remake. Interesting. That is a horny fucking movie, my friends. It is. And that was a big part of my sexual awakening as a young man. That one in Basic Instinct? Yeah. Yeah. And what was the other one with Demi Moore and Michael Douglas? Yeah. Disclosure. Disclosure. Okay. Woo! Woo-hoo! I just got a boner. I just said disclosure. My fucking pants almost came off. Condition from a young age. Yeah, very much so.
That's a good show. Have you guys seen that movie recently, Single White Female? Not recently, but I've seen it. It's been a while. Bridget Fonda and Jennifer Jason Leigh in the original. I wouldn't call either one of those. Well, they were like 90s hot. Yeah. had that weird... uh, redhead, like mushroom haircut. It was the, uh, 16 candles girls started. Yeah. Yeah. But it kind of carried on to like the early twenties and thirties for these young ladies. Um, I wouldn't call it hot now.
Now it's kind of substitute teacher-esque, which is still, that's a whole other category on X hamster. X videos too, I believe, and possibly you, Jizz, but I don't want to digress. Anyway, that's something to look forward to. Lastly, are you guys Black Mirror fans at all? Yeah. That's a good show, right? Like it. Really weird stuff. Oh, yeah.
Black Mirror Season 7 will debut on Netflix next month. Nice. I'm ready for it. Good. Me too. Yeah, some of them are good. Some of them are not so good. They kind of dabble a lot into the sci-fi stuff more than the horror, but I've... Liked some and I've really just said what the fuck to some. So, you know, we'll see. If you had to pick a favorite episode off the top of your head. It doesn't have to be favorite. I don't know. Just pick the one that stands out, which is...
I don't. Was it the governor eating the pig? Oh, God. No, he had to fuck the pig. It was the president. The president, yeah. He had to fuck the pig on live TV. Oh, that was painful to watch. Yeah, it was. That was like season one, episode one. You're going to open with that? That one that stuck with me, and the other one where they were all, the social media, how you...
Basically, your status in life was based on your likes. You give people stars. You had Bryce Dallas Howard on it. And it was like... Just she was trying to get to this place. The wedding. The wedding. It was a wedding. And the whole way was just wrought with coincidence here and there and there. And when she went to go get a car and they gave her the shit car because she just kept getting down and down and down in her legs. Yeah.
Social media. I don't know. I thought that was kind of a good idea just because of how fucking narcissistic our society is now, especially with young people with, how many likes am I getting? Oh, yeah. So I thought it was, you know. poignant for the times. I love it. My favorite was from one of the latter seasons. I forget the name of it, but it had to do with like...
A robot dog in a warehouse. You remember that one? That was my favorite. Was that the one where it got out and was like the killer robot dog? Yes. Yes. But it was like, wasn't there like a... Somebody trying to squat in the warehouse and the robot dog was chasing them around. That was my jam. Because that was horror adjacent. But didn't they get out into the wild?
That guy was getting chased by it and he sat up in the tree until the thing's battery died or something like that? Yeah, something like that. It's been a long time. I know, that's what I'm saying. It's like... They're all kind of a jumble. Yeah. I did a whole Patreon run of all the, but I only got up to like episode three or season three. All right. That's it on the horror news, gentlemen. All right. It's time for some listener mail.
Listener mail. Yes, sir. We got emails and voicemails and all kinds of fun stuff here, fellas. I say we kick things off with an email all the way from Sydney, Australia. Here comes our main man, Tim. Hey, Tim. Hey, how's it going, bud? The dummy of horror. Subject line, your questions are answered. Hey, guys.
How's everyone this week? Fine and dandy I hope. Apologies for the late email last time. I did send it on time but for some reason it didn't actually send until hours later. Technology, huh? Anyway, I asked a question last week. I asked a question last week, and I'm here with an answer. I think he meant you asked a question last week. Do we have daylight savings? Yes, we do. Actually, ours happens in a few weeks. The first week of April, we turn our clocks back an hour, which is cool.
Back when I was a younger man and went out drinking, daylight savings kicked ass. We would be out partying and the next thing you know, your clock, you look at your clock and it's almost midnight. But when midnight struck, it went back to 11. So more hour...
One more hour of partying. Nowadays, I don't care. Darian, you said Australia doesn't have daylight savings time, and if I remember correctly, you came to Queensland, which is the only state that doesn't have daylight savings. If so, you are half correct. I was in Queensland, yeah. So that would make – I don't know. I wasn't – That's another story. We're not going to get into that. That's another story for the saucy podcast. We're not going to get into that there, Tim.
On the horror front, have you guys seen Wolfman yet? It's pretty fucking torn up in the reviews, but I fucking loved it. Keen to hear your thoughts. Atta boy. Dusty, you saw it, right? Yeah, I liked it a lot. You loved it, right? Yeah, I did. Buddy, you seen Wolfman yet? Nope, not yet. Me neither. Look forward to it, though. Anyways, that's basically all I have this week. I have no idea who Darian is because I'm a fucking moron. So, yeah, I'm done. Have a wonderful week, y'all.
Tim. Thanks, Tim. Right on, Tim. Thanks for writing. So they're opposite of us. Because their winter is obviously when our summer, so their fall back. is in April. Yes. And our spring forward is in March, right? Yeah. So they're on the opposite. So yeah, they're going back and we're going forward. Right. And I do remember, I do love the fall back. Me too. Because when I was in California in college.
Because here in Nevada, we drink. It's 24-hour 7, right? Oh, yeah. 24-7. You can drink. You don't get kicked out of a bar. No. When I was living there. No. When I was there, you get kicked out at 2. That's when bars closed in California. So every time there's a fallback. Two o'clock. Boom. It goes back to one. Yeah. Hold more. Let's go. So, yes, I do remember that.
Unless you're the poor schmuck that works graveyard, in which case you get to work an hour for free. Oh, I didn't think about that. You fucking assholes. I've been there, man. It sucks. Right on, dude. Thanks for writing in there, Tim. We got some voicemails coming at us here, fellas. All right. All righty. Let's kick things off with our main man in Alabama. Here comes Alan. Hey, Alan.
What's going on? What's up? Hope everybody's doing good. What's up, Alan? Let's see. Mr. Darian, would you be Rice of Spring? No, he got me again. And let's see. Meekhunk Voodoo Movies. Yeah, what do you think? I'm going to go with... The Believers. Oh, that's a good movie. I saw that when I was a real little kid. Dug it. Let's see. The Believers. Definitely. Let's see. For Full Moon, I want to go Shrunken Heads.
There is no real particular order. I like all of them. That's fine. I'm going to go with Serpent in the Rainbow. Yeah. I saw that one when I was a kid, too, and that one scared the shit out of me. Anyway, hope everybody's doing good. Talk to y'all later. Bye. I feel like Alan and I are kind of kindred spirits because we just were allowed to watch whatever the fuck. When you're a kid. Yeah. Way too young. Serpent in the Rainbow made me scared for my pee pee.
As I'm sure it did you as well. I was not scared because I knew my peepee wouldn't reach the seat that I was sitting on. I was an ambitious young man. Right on. Thanks for calling in, Alan. Here comes Mr. Tom Hardy. Hey, Tom Hardy. Hey-yo. Hey-yo. Padded room. My favorite degenerate this week. What's up, big dog? I do hope everyone is doing well.
Hey, you need to get in real quick there. I don't got you on the education department. It's a tough one. Just wanted to say, still listening, still loving the show. Hope all is well. I hope y'all like family. Love you too, Tom Hardy. Thanks for calling in. Keeping it short and sweet this week. I think it's the first time he hasn't got GP'd in quite a while. It's true. Usually he'll keep it going. Maybe next time read us some song lyrics or something, Tom Hardy. Come up with something.
Or some poetry. Poetry? Original only. I don't want to hear anybody else. Right on, dudes. That's all we got on the listener mail. You guys got anything for Tim, Alan, or Tom Hardy? Thanks, everybody, for calling and writing in. You guys are gentlemen. You knew that. I guess it's time for a movie, fellas. Mm-hmm. Hello, yes, listen. A young girl just left here, alone. Don't be frightened. We won't hurt you. Let me out.
I'm afraid that is quite impossible. I need you. You need me? Yes. Impossible. Fellas, it is Voodoo Man from 1944. Got 5.2 stars on IMDb. Directed by William Bodine. Written by Robert Charis. Starring, of course, Bela Lugosi. a very young John Carradine in this one, and George Zucco also. You may not recognize the name or the face of John Carradine because he's probably 25 in this one, but you'll know him in his latter roles. he was like the go-to old man in later movies. Is this the husband?
No, this was Rube number one. Oh. With the big swooshy hair. Oh, yeah, the one that didn't want it. There's very rapey, touchy hair guy. The dope. The dope. Gotcha. In latter movies, you would recognize him because he had crippled. crippling arthritis and his hands were basically deformed into these weird hook things um but that he was in shockwaves um hundreds of horror movies he was like the the go-to old man whenever you needed one
Anyway, back to Voodoo Man here. How do you guys feel about human trafficking? Because that's exactly where we're going, fellas. We had a pretty elaborate scheme for the 40s. Totally. Yeah, absolutely. No wonder that idea is out there. Yeah. Nailed it down, really. um we're gonna start with a young lady uh traveling on her own a very attractive young lady um she stops at a gas station to get some gas and some directions because she doesn't know where the fuck she's going and a very creepy
Gas station attendant shows up, but I guess it's a different time. These days... We don't even have gas station. Well, we do. Oregon. They still do. Yeah, they pump gas for you. But it's usually like an 18-year-old girl, and she'll sell you your Red Bull, and then she doesn't come out from behind the counter.
At least that's how it is here in Nevada. Oh, yeah. In Oregon, they pump her gas. Oh, yeah. They'll meet you. They got a guy out there at the pumps waiting for you. This guy's wearing like a sweater vest and a tie. Yeah, it was... It's super weird. Yeah. He does not look like a grease monkey station owner at all. His lackey. Sure. He's got a lackey there. He looks like he works at a gas station. He's all smudged up with oil and he won't stop running a japper.
trying to get the upsells on everything for whatever reason. Want me to top off your oil for you? Yeah, let me check your water real quick. Can you just stand here and talk to me for a while? I'm very lonely. Right. But here comes...
this this creeper guy and uh she's like hey man i'm trying to get back to the freeway well what you want to do see you want to take this road down this yonder then there'll be a fork in the road you want to go left make sure you don't go right now you want make sure you want to go left take the left
fork and then it'll take you right back to the freeway as soon as she takes off he gets in his weird bread box secret phone yeah you gotta like the James Bond phone yeah there was like a little combination thing you had to hit any... do something, and then you just pick up the receiver and start talking. He's like, ah, pretty young girl headed your way. Yes, let's do the usual snatch and grab. Maybe... Yeah, you gotta get off. implied it's definitely implied it's very creepy
Very creepy. Very creepy. We cut to, I guess, like a quarter mile down the road after she takes the left fork. We got a couple of doofuses out there that have got this whole thing, like... It's a very Rob Zombie abduction situation. They've got like a rollout hedgerow. that they kind of block the road off with, and then they put a bunch of detour signs. And then she's like, oh shit, road's closed, let me take this detour. She takes the detour, and then we just cut to a hand throwing a switch.
Like the old school switch that you made in electronics class. Frankenstein laboratory switch. Yeah, exactly. Which I guess is some kind of a... EMP. Sure. There's probably no electronics in those cars. I don't think there's electricity one in these fucking cars. But somehow it shuts it down. Somehow it kills her car on this dirt road and she has to park between these two bushes. So she's like, what the fuck?
of fucking shit my car just broke down and out comes the two biggest dipshit rubes you've ever seen in your life now one of them played by Bill Carradine very tall slender guy with a sweet like emo kind of a swooshy skater haircut. He comes out and his buddy, though, has the worst comb over I've ever seen in my life. This motherfucker wasn't even trying. To make it look like he had hair. Straight up, Mr. Wilson, George Costanza going on. But he had like one tuft of hair that...
I don't know if it was supposed to wrap around. It was long as shit. I don't know if it was supposed to wrap around and do like a beehive thing, but unfortunately they filmed this particular scene on a very windy day. So that some bitch was just flapping, just blowing around. You could see the whole... chrome dome underneath it poor guy man here he is i feel for this this individual he's thinking he's making his hollywood debut he's gonna be a leading man any day now uh he got his
His comb over done correctly. And he's ready to rock. This is it. This is my moment. He's going to light up the silver screen. And here he's just going to steal this scene right here. And then one good gust of wind just... Fuck that whole shit up. He's right back to the extras line.
That sucks, buddy. Anyway, here comes these two rubes. They just opened her car, and Bill Carradine's like, We're not going to hurt you. You're pretty, aren't you? You're real pretty. She starts screaming and freaking out. And then away she goes. She gets abducted and her car is removed. And now we're going to cut to...
Somewhere else. I assume we're in Southern California because we're going to go right to a movie studio. And we've got a big meeting in progress. The story has broken about these missing young ladies from somewhere nearby, I suppose. and we got a studio head and he's like, here's a good horror show in the mix here. Let me get my best writer on it.
So he calls his quote-unquote best writer, and he's like, hey, here's some headlines. Why don't you make a horror movie out of this? And the guy's like, no, see? I'm getting married in two weeks. I don't think so. He's like, oh, okay, fine, I'll get somebody else on it. So off our horror writer, screenwriter goes. And they called him, later on in the movie, they're going to refer to him as a scenario man.
Is that what they called them back then? The scenario men. That sounds like a lot of fun. What do you do? I'm a scenario man. Come up with scenarios. Anyway, off he goes to, I suppose, get married. This horror movie situation is kind of put on the back burner by the studio.
I don't know where he's going or what his plan is, but he's headed right to the exact same gas station that the young lady was abducted from. But before that, we're going to cut to another young lady who's driving down the road. Now, our screenwriter gets to the gas station. Of course, he's lost, and he needs directions, and he needs some fucking gas in his tank. So he's like, yeah, $6 on my car here, and then he walks off. Bathroom, I assume. Bathroom, I assume.
The dipshit that works at the gas station, not the weird guy with the sweater vest, but the rube, the guy that looks like he works at the gas station, proceeds to do just about everything he can fucking think of other than pump the $6 in gas. He's checking the oil. He's looking at the muffler, wiping down the windows. Water fluid. Water fluid. No, he's having a whole monologue with himself as he's doing this.
I wonder what would happen if... And then here comes our guy, our scenario man, and he's like, all right, thanks for the gas. Get back in my car and off I go. Keep the change. Keep the change. Yeah, keep the change. What? You want any gas? Yes. How about you pump... All right. Well, apparently cars in the 1940s didn't come with gas gauges because one would think that if you just filled up the tank... You'd look down.
Isn't that the first thing that you do? You would think so. You want to make sure it's full, right? Yeah, the needle, that's apparently $6 fill up your tank back then. I don't think you can fill up your Harley for $6 these days. No. No. Anyway, he just goes firing off.
down the road. Now here comes the attractive young lady behind him she's lost she needs gas she stops at the gas station out comes sweater vest guy well what you want to do is you want to hit the left fork in the road up there see and then you take the left fork and then you definitely don't want to go
the right fork because the left fork is where you need to be. He hops on his weird bread box James Bond phone and gets on the line with somebody. Now we're going to figure out who the fuck he's talking to. It's Bela Lugosi, dude. There he is. There he is. And he's a little bit, a little, some more miles on him in this movie than in Dracula. Yeah.
He's not all bitter and pissed off yet, but he is. Hair is still slick back, though. That's the only hair style. That's the only style he ever had. That's all you can do if you're Bela Lugosi. You've got to comb that shit. You get a couple of small children to just pull back on that fucking hair. Must have gone through a can of palm oil every day. Oh, every day, yeah. You just fucking put a gallon of that shit in.
uh bell is on the other line and he's like oh you have another girl do you hmm very well um off goes our uh or young lady now at this point, because the dipshit at the gas station didn't actually put any gas in... our scenario man's tank, he's out of gas. So he took the left fork also thinking, oh, that's roads closed. Where else am I going to go? He runs out of gas. Here comes our pretty young lady. She's like, hey, dude, what's up with you? He's like, yeah.
Fucking ran out of gas. Can you either drive me back to the gas station so I can punch that guy or to the next gas station so I can actually get some gas? And she's like, well, hop in. I'm going this way anyway. We find out that this is actually his fiance's cousin. Oh, yeah. She's quite the sad.
Oh, yeah. She was. She's like, my cousin's marrying some sap from Hollywood, see? And he's like, well, hmm. Meet the sap from Hollywood. I am the sap from Hollywood. She's like, oh, shit. I'd be like, tell me about him. What have you heard? Yeah. I heard he's got a huge ding dong. That's what I heard. Unfortunately, Bella throws the kill switch on whatever the fuck machine he has and shuts her car down.
But knowing that there's a guy in the car. Well, apparently he also has like a surveillance situation. Oh, that's right. Yeah. He can see what the fuck. He's like, you idiots. I wasn't expecting a guy. There's a guy with her. What are you doing? I didn't know they had CCTV. CCTV cameras back in the 40s. I think he actually had a drone that just patrolled the whole area. He's got his Rube posse there with their comb-overs stationed in some bushes.
And they're about to move. And he's like, no, no. They're tit lurkers. They're total tit lurkers. Comb over lurkers. Oh, God. That's the definition of the dictionary of these two rubes. Oh, yeah. Tit lurkers. You know they're beating each other. off in those bushes bushes are all stuck together They come out all sweaty. Hurry, Master's going to beat us. I'll beat you. Let's just go back in the bushes, Ted. What do you say? Give me a head start.
They go out, but then Bella's like, no, no, no, no. There's a guy there. So they go back. But then our scenario man is like, hey, I see a house over there. I'm going to go walk over there and see if I can use their phone. You stay here with the car. cousin just stays there with the car off goes our scenario man he makes it to the house knocks on the door and he's met with a very angry old lady she's like no no phone no you go away go away now no phone here you go now
And he's like, well, I'm going to report you to the business bureau. Better business bureau, yeah. Can you do that? I don't know. Maybe back in the day. Back then, you probably could. Yeah, just report random people. This guy was kind of an asshole. I'm going to call him.
Well, were you patroning his establishment? No, I just need to use the phone, but he's still a dick. What a fuck face, man. Anyway, so he's like, shit. Of course, while he was doing that, out comes John Carradine and his comb-over friend to abduct the cousin. They snatch her. They take the car and they hide it. Our scenario man comes back and he's like, whoa, this fucking bitch. This dingy dame just left me here. She just abandoned me and what the hell am I going to do?
time we're gonna see the the process that's going on here uh they grabbed her and they have like a bizarro trap door in the middle of the woods yeah which is Pretty fucking awesome, actually. I would love to. I was really enjoying the elaborateness of this whole scheme they had. Sure. I mean, for the 40s, you think about it, it was like they had that bush that moved out of the way. Absolutely. When it went back, it looked like a hedgerow just on the side.
the road. Nobody knew the difference. I'm telling you, it was pretty elaborate. And then the tunneling thing that they got going on. They got a whole bunker down there. Basement or whatever, yeah. Yeah, buddy! That's pretty cool. That's awesome. That would be my man cave. Anyway, they got a trap door in the middle of the woods. They grab her. They pull her into the trap door. It goes down to a dungeon. Voodoo kind of thing going on. A lot of candles. A lot of...
Smoking skulls and Jacob's ladders and Tesla oils. Goat heads. On the altar there. There may have been a Bunsen burner or possibly a beaker or two with smoke coming out of it. You know how they did it. They get down there. Of course, Bella's waiting for him. We're going to meet him. His name is Dr. Marlowe. So this is where we're going to go officially to Cuckoo Town. He basically has a hallway of sex zombies.
I like to think somebody was using him for sex. Oh, the fucking rube would. Oh, come on, you're very pretty. You're very pretty. Come on, come on. I don't think he was smart enough to figure out the sex part. I think he just liked to... Pet him? Uh-huh. That's what it looked like. You're very pretty. Look at this hair. Oh. Oh. Fucking weirdo. Well, I...
I think the implication was there that somebody was banging the fuck out of these chicks. Anyway, he's got them in like these glass closets where they're just kind of lying in the room. What we're doing here, fellas, Dr. Marlowe has a long-dead bride, said she died 22 years ago. She looks great for being 22 years dead.
Pretty hot young lady also. And what we're trying to do via our gas station attendant, who is also a voodoo practitioner of some sort, we would like to transfer the... soul or maybe the life energy from these hot chicks back into marlo marlo's wife and bring her back from the dead i think is what we're saying right yeah
I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, Darian, how the hell does that happen? Well, all you got to do is tie a rope into a knot and then cut it. And then basically Bella just has to tie itself in a knot. It does tie itself. Yeah. You got to say the right. Incantations. Hemoglobin Antarctica. Get the right face paint on. You've got to have the face paint. And the right hat. You've got a big, tall hat. Very colorful robes. Hold on, let me write this down.
A lot of plus signs and minus signs. There's like a weird handful. Division signs on the rolls. A lot of mathematical equations going on. And basically, our gas station sweater vest guy is going to stand at the altar, and he's going to read the magic words, I guess. And Bella is basically just going to give direction. Body to body. Soul to soul.
Boobies to boobies. Intelligence. Underwear to underwear. And that's basically all that happens. And he's doing this. They like sit him down face to face. And Bella is basically. Basically saying, hey, come on, let's get your juice into her, please. And they both kind of stare off into space. We have all the quote-unquote zombies there, which are basically just the hot chicks that just kind of walk about. The failed test subjects. Why do they need to be there?
Why not return them to wherever they came from? Well, they're all catatonic. Sure. Well, I guess they wouldn't be caught if they just dumped them on the side of the road. It's not like they could identify their captors or anything. Those are the ones he gives to the rubes. Sex slaves.
That's a reward. I wasn't going to say sex slaves. Those are the carrots, and the stick is the beating. That makes sense. That makes sense, yeah. That's why they work for them. Totally. So anyway, this goes on and on for a couple minutes, and then like... The dead bride kind of like looks around for a second. And Bella's like, oh, you're back. Oh, thank God. I missed you so much. And then she just kind of collapses again. Didn't last long. No. So...
At this point, we have to assume that our gas station attendant is just fucking around. And probably, I don't know how much Bella is paying this guy, but he's trying to draw this out for a bigger paycheck, right? You know, it's like the mechanic that keeps fucking up your car, so you have to take it back to him. Now there's a new noise. Motherfucker. I thought you fixed that leak.
Oh, no, this is a whole new thing. I've got to order some more parts. All right, fuckface. All right, scary stuff. In the meantime, our scenario guy has walked... wherever back to his fiancee, whose mother is there, and they're getting ready for the wedding. And he's like, hey, your fucking cousin Stella's a real bitch, you know that? And she's like, oh, that's old Stella for you. She's always quite a sassy dame, dude.
You know, she's a real pistol, that one. She'll pick you up and abandon you out in the woods. That's why she's not married yet. She pulled a fast one on me. They start doing the math and thinking about the articles that he got from his boss, and he's like, ah, shit. What if she got disappeared like the rest of those broads? So they go and talk to the local sheriff. Real peach of a law enforcement officer. And he's got like a deputy that sleeps on a...
shelf, I think. It was a bench. Was it a bench? I thought it was just a shelf. It was the bench where he'd sit the perps down, I think. Okay. But he's always. He's just out cold, probably alcoholic. Sleeping through the conversation. Is his name like Elmer? Elmer, yeah. Elmer, get your butt up. We're going to go find these ladies. We've got to wake up Elmer.
The sheriff doesn't want to hear anything about this because clearly he's got a bottle of hooch to get to. It's 4 o'clock on a Friday. He doesn't want to have any of this nonsense right now. And he's already inundated with like three or four other missing ladies in his jurisdiction. Yeah, they're hardly...
at work too. Yeah, totally. Totally. Sheriffing used to be so easy. I just throw the drunks in the drunk tank and that's it. Now I got three missing ladies around here. This is bullshit. I don't even want to get out of my desk. He wakes up Elmer and he goes driving off. In the meantime, our scenario man and his fiancee are like, well, we did everything we need to do. Let's go back to the house. Okay. Now we cut back to our...
Dungeon situation. The sheriff gets there. He gets... So what we're going to find out is that Dr. Merlot's house slash... medical office sits on top of our dungeon right the sheriff gets to uh marlo's house and he's like hey you don't know anything about any chicks missing chicks running around here do you he's like no sheriff's like okay See you later. Come on, Elmer. Back to the office. You can go back to sleep on the shelf. They get back to the office.
Fucking, that's fine, I guess. Now, our scenario man and his fiance are getting really nervous about this. So they're constantly calling the sheriff. Hey, dude, where's Stella? She's out there somewhere. You got all these missing chicks. Any leads? What's going on here? Nothing. Okay, so finally the sheriff is like, all right, I tell you what. I'll take another trip out to the fucking Marlowe house. I'll drive through the woods. They come to this conclusion of...
He kind of gets a break in the case when the scenario man is like, well, it was right by the detour where the road's closed. And the sheriff's like, that road's never closed. What are you talking about? It's like the road was closed. Yeah, it was just there. So the sheriff and Elmer, of course, go back out there. meantime old bill carradine is thinking he's gonna have himself a dandy of a time some good old hair petting yes yeah possibly uh see the profile of a side boob or maybe
Squeeze a butt cheek. I don't know what his plans for the evening are. He's thinking he's going to have a dandy of a time with Stella. He lets her out of her fucking... Glass closet cell, whatever it is. Oh, you're going to come on out here, you pretty girl. You sure are pretty, aren't you? You want to see what my penis looks like?
A comb-over comes over and he's like, hey, Pervo, boss wants to talk to us. Let's go. Okay. Don't tell him he's going to beat me real quick. He's going to give me a left hook and a uppercut. He puts Stella back in her closet. Closes the door, but he doesn't lock it. And off goes Stella. She just goes walking right out of there while the boss is talking to them, probably giving them their performance reviews for the quarter, I imagine.
Stella just goes walking off right up the stairs, through the trap door in the woods, off to the road, and out she goes. Luckily, Sheriff and Elmer just happen to be driving by, and they're like, That's a pretty girl walking in the woods by herself in a nightgown. Fuck me, we just broke this case, dude. We're about to become officers of the year. So they grab Stella. First they take her to her...
cousin's house, right? To see if it's the girl they're looking for. Yeah, hey, I got some kind of a sex slave. Is she yours? Is this yours? She's probably not your cousin, but if you want to take her, I mean, we're not doing anything with her. So they're like, oh, shit, it's Stella. Hey, Stella, come on in. Like bringing a lost dog. Yeah, pretty much. This one's not been microchipped, so.
But her caller says to call you. They take her in. Oh, shit, Stella, you're great. So glad you're back. They put her in bed. Somehow, using his satellite drones or whatever the fuck, Dr. Marlowe was like, oh, she got away. My idiot. The henchmen have done it again. So he just shows up at their house. Good evening. I'm a doctor. I'm here to help. Nobody thought to question how he knew about any of this. Yeah. Like, he just showed up here. Magic. Oh, whatever, dude.
He shows up and he's like, oh, this is perfectly fine. She'll be good. You just need to let her rest and just don't ask her any questions about where she's been. Everything will be fine. So they do just that. Bella goes back to his house. Excuse me. Dr. Marlow goes back to his house. After taking an earring. Yes. He's got a little something-something of hers, which apparently gives him magical control over hers. Sweater vest was the one that did the... Yeah.
The luring. Yeah, he does his fucking, he put a smoking thing in a thing and put his magic hat back on. And then up pops Stella and just walks out of the house in the middle of the night, goes right back to the dungeon. Good for her. We're right back. Yep. And right back into your closet you go. Bill Carradine, I like to think, got his ass kicked over that. Oh, yeah. Yeah, he got hit. Knocked it around. He told him. He said.
He told the master, but then it cut. I didn't think they wanted to show it. It was a little too violent. Right, too violent. That's what I was thinking. And then he was laying on the fucking floor like, oh, he fucking hit me, master. Yeah. That's a three-day suspension, Bill. I don't want to have to have this talk with you again, okay? Days without a sex bot loss, zero. Right back to zero. Right back to zero, yeah. Fuck! I'm going to talk to the union about this, Bill.
All right, that sucks. Now we have to call the sheriff again because goddamn Stella just got up and walked off in the middle of the night. Here comes the sheriff and Elmer. Hey, is she prone to sleepwalking or anything like that? No, but she was acting real weird. And that doctor friend of yours came by and he gave her a thumbs up, but she just got up and walked off in the middle of the night. Well, that's weird. Off they go.
Everything seems to be kosher. The sheriff is looking for Stella again. Goes back to the doctor's house. Hey, so you know that chick that you stopped by and checked out in the middle of the night? Yeah. It was kind of weird, right? Did she? She wouldn't have come here in the middle of the night, right? No? Okay. Everything's good. Very weird. When Marla was over at the house checking on her. Yeah.
The wife caught his fancy. Yeah, and he gave her the Bella eyes. His fiancée caught his fancy. She is perfect. She will provide the necessary energy to bring back my wife. So that's a problem. That's going to be a big problem here in a few minutes. Everything is, I mean, we're still missing Stella. And now, what was the wife's name? Nadine, I think. I can't remember. I don't remember. The fiance. She's starting to act a little spacey herself.
He took her glove. Glove. He's a fucking thief, that guy. Yeah. Always stealing shit. Yeah, never takes the set. It's always just one. One little thing? Yeah. Just piss you off. Yeah. Where is my left shoe? Where's my other? You motherfucker. Oh, shit. Now I got to walk out in the woods and suck a bunch of dicks. Let's fuck up. All right. Well, that's weird. So now. We're thinking, okay, he gets his gas station sweater vest guy. He's like, bring her to me. So Nadine, or...
whatever the fiance's name is, she gets all spacey and she just kind of walks off. Actually, it was at like a diner and she actually got into her car. And drove away. And drove away. Lucky for our scenario. He thought she went to, he went out to take a call or something. Yeah, he went to the bathroom. She got all spacey.
And started walking away. Yeah. Got in her car. Drove. And the guy that was in the car next to her just like, look at this fucking bro. She's hot. And where does she think she's driving? I thought watching it, he was like... What the hell? What is a woman driving the car for? That's what it looked like, right? Yeah, like what? Okay. All right there, 1944. Just take it easy. Very suspicious, but out comes our scenario, man. He's like, hmm.
First he talks to the waitress. He's like, bathroom? What? waitress is like no man she just walked out and by the way you owe me three bucks for the coffee so he pays her goes outside car's gone fiance's gone random dude just parked there he's like hey did you see a hot chick Get in the car? And he's like, yeah. Hop in. I'll take you to her. Okay. Yeah. Guys were nice back in the 40s. Yeah, right? I'll take you wherever you want to go. You go out there today and –
I've got to tell you to get fucked. Yeah, totally. I'm not driving you anywhere. You smell like ass. Well, spring for gas, maybe. Yeah. By the way, what's the guy doing just parked outside the diner? Just hanging? Yeah, that is kind of weird. Is he an Uber or something waiting for a fat Uber? I don't know. 40s Uber. Yeah. Hops in, follows down the same road.
Now we get to the fork in the road, which of course leads to the detour off into the woods. Follows her. He actually finds the trap door. So he goes down like the access chute or whatever. gets down there just as...
The ritual is happening. Now, while all that's going on, he gets a call off to the sheriff. He told the guy to go back and call the sheriff. Was it the guy? Yeah, he sent the guy. He's all, go call the sheriff. I'm going to go down after him. Okay. Oh, sure thing, pal. And he goes off and goes to call the sheriff. in calories for a complete stranger. Yeah.
Somebody tells me, number one, I need to drive you somewhere. Who the fuck are you? You better be hot. You're just going to hop in the car and I'm going to drive you wherever you want. All right, whatever. Anyway, he goes and calls the sheriff. The sheriff makes it to Marlowe's house, like the main house. house in the meantime the fiance is downstairs you know running around through the different tunnels and all that shit gets there as the uh voodoo knot tying ceremony is going on um
So Bella's there. Gas station guy is there. He's got the dead wife and the fiance, and he's doing the whole referee situation. Do you put the life and take the death? You take the death, she gets the life kind of a thing. down there and he's like hey what the fuck so bella of course sends comb over and bill carradine or john carradine to go attack him just as the sheriff is coming down uh voodoo man well not voodoo man uh
Bella is like, we will complete the ritual. I guess you have to chop the rope. So what I had gathered from that was once the rope ties itself in a knot, he would chop off the side of the knot that's on the... lady's side that they didn't want. Okay. And so the knot would end up on the wife's side. The wife's side. And that would kind of complete the ritual. Okay. That's kind of what I got. I'll buy that for a dollar. Sure. Emotion.
Emotion. Yeah, it was terrible. Buddy. Buddy. Supper breasts. Whoa there, fella. Anyway, Bella turns with the big knife to cut the fucking rope. And unfortunately, just as the sheriff comes down, he shoots Bella and Bella dies just as his wife is waking up. And she's like, Richard, Richard. He's like, I really see you.
again in death and then he dies and then she collapses but luckily now that she's back to being full dead and bell is out of the equation and the voodoo man has stopped his fucking nonsense Everybody just kind of snaps out of it. Yeah. All the rest of the ladies all snap out of it. Yeah. Stella's like, what am I doing here? See? I thought this was supposed to be a wedding and I'm in a slinky nightgown with like a weird bondage rope.
You freaky people. Doing things a little bit different this time. That's right. What kind of wedding is this? And that is Voodoo Man from 1944. What did you guys think? Oh, you missed the end. The end cut after the credits. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. He drops off his script. He drops off his script. Yeah.
Who's going to play Doctor? Yeah, that's what he says. Hey, I got a perfect part for Dr. Marlowe. For the voodoo man, it's Bela Lugosi. He does that kind of stuff. All right, Darren. A little name drop. A little fourth wall break right there.
Good times. What did you guys think? It's good. I liked it. It's a good movie. It's a fun little show, right? Yeah, it is. It's only an hour long. I caught this on Tubi. Is that where you guys got it? Yeah. You can watch it right now. Very silly. Very 1940s.
There was another movie that came out about the same time, also starring Bela Lugosi. It was almost exactly the same, except it was all... medical there was no voodoo he was like taking organs out of chicks and putting them in his dead wife to try to get her back up i forget the name of it but um it was like
almost exactly the same. Wow. Yeah. Except at the end of that one, there was like a weird motorcycle car chase situation where Bella like steals a cop car and the, he takes the guy's fiance and he's chasing. The fiancé also steals a cop car and there's like a weird medium speed chase. Medium speed. Yeah. Never got over 25 miles an hour. An OJ chase? Yeah, pretty much. A lot of bang, bang. Throwing the bullets out. Pretty much. Bow! Bow! Motherfucker.
Yeah, that's what they did in this movie with that one shot. He was like, wham! You've got to throw the bullets in the 40s. You've got to flip your wrist. The guns were very powerful, so they had to throw the bullets. Give it a little bit more feet per second, you flip your wrist at it. It's on your wrist. You're not going to hit a fucking... thing but god damn it you'll get it over there uh good it's it's silly as fuck it's
It's like 1944. What do you expect? Check it out if you've got nothing better to do, inmates. It's on Tubi. I think it's time for us to take a break, gentlemen. Yeah. All right. Outro Music As you see I'm not too high Hey, inmates. If you like what you hear, head over to the Padded Room Facebook group and support us through the patron link with a small monthly donation. Check out the T-Villain link at paddedroom.podbean.com and grab some t-shirts.
Thanks for listening and enjoy the rest of the show. Yes, sir, we are back. Yeah. Oh, Bella hitting us hard with the borderline rapey stuff. yeah well you know things were different back then I suppose what's not different is three on a meat hook yeah Three on a meat hook. This week's meat hook top three black and white horror films, gentlemen. Buddy, what do you got on number three, buddy? Night of the Living Dead, 1968. Okay.
Only number three, huh? Yeah, that's my number one. That's my number one as well. Yeah. That a boy, Dusty. You're fired. Right on. That is, in my humble, it's my favorite movie of all time. I'll spare you the whole fucking lecture on what's so great about it. In my opinion, that's probably the best film of all time. Not only just the best horror film, but there's a whole backstory as to...
things that you saw first in this movie. And again, I'm not going to bore you with it, but just a great fucking movie, bro. Agreed. Dusty, number three? My number three. Okay, so I went with nostalgic stuff. The old man and I, when I was real little, watched. He was a big fan of Universal. Monsters, right? Yeah. And he was in. So my number three is a horror comedy.
Abbott and Costello meet Frankenstein. I love it. I loved it because it has all the Universal Monsters in it. Bella's in it. I mean, all of them. They're in it. Lawrence Talbot, all of them. So that's why. And I watch it still. Oh, yeah. I watch it every Halloween.
That's a good one. Try to put her on the 31 for 31. And the comedy still kind of sticks. Oh, those guys. I don't know. Those guys are the goofiest fucking pricks ever. You know, the Stooges and these guys. Yeah. I just fucking love them. Yep. Yeah. But like. I think it was... No. I think it was Costello who played it so fucking straight and just dealing with Abbott being the biggest imbecile ever. It was like... He was the moe to his curly. Totally. Like the laurel to his hearty.
That could be backwards. I don't know. But the way the slaps, it's Chris Farley and David Spade. Oh, yeah, for sure. Oh, exactly. Just with like a little... They probably started the buddy comedy type situation. Like the big goofy oaf and then like the... Just dry sense of, oh, this fucking guy kind of a thing going on. And now he gets whatever. You know, when he gets scared. When he finds, was it Frankenstein's syringe? Yeah. It's good times.
My number three was my introduction to Vincent Price, a little film in the public domain called The House on Haunted Hill. Oh, I've seen that one. That could have made my top three. Watching it now, it's a little disappointing because it's called... The House on Haunted Hill. One can make an argument that there is zero ghosts in that movie. Right. It's just...
Insano billionaire Vincent Price trying to literally scare somebody into murdering his wife for him. In the end, he ends up doing it himself with a very stupid kind of... That big, dumb... skeleton marionette thing that he's got like all the pulleys trying to scare it to death yeah I mean when he comes around the corner with all the ropes dangling that's kind of dumb
But up to that point, it's a pretty good show. And there's a lot to be said also, I think, for the 1999 remake. Yes, I agree. I like that one. It was like a very Marilyn Manson. Yeah. take with but it actually did have ghosts in darkness and Chris Kattan in it which is always he's always a treat what's the she plays
Jean Grey in X-Men. Famke Jansen. Oh, gosh. Yeah. I really dug her. Yes. Oh, yeah. Very good. Right on. How about number two there, buddy? Psycho, 1960. Oh, fuck. I forgot about that. Yeah, you're right. That is black and white. That's a good show, too. I feel like that was like the... 60s Quentin Tarantino situation. You know what I mean? You could draw a lot of parallels between that and From Dusk Till Dawn.
Which I know he did. Well, yeah, all these guys, all these Tarantino, everybody was a freaking, you know. Film nerd. Film nerd. And that was, you know. Top of everybody's list. Yeah, exactly. Because you get like the first half of the movie is like this weird robbery. and her trying to get away. And, you know, she...
All up in her head. Oh, God, they're going to be looking. They notice the money's gone. Where am I going to go? And then here's this quiet little hotel. I'm going to hole up here. Everything's going to be good. I'm just going to let it. The heat die down. Then I'll take my, what was it, like $30,000 or something like that. It wasn't fucking much. Still, she's all freaked out about it. And then here comes...
Cross-dressing Norman Bates to fuck up your hot shower for you. Yeah, I think Alfred Hitchcock took a lot of, they were almost not going to let him release it with the shower scene and all that. Oh, yeah. For the time, you know. There's a Hollywood legend. I've never actually bothered to do the research. But if you watch that... that the big shower scene frame by frame or at a certain frame rate or something like that you can actually see the body switch janet lee's boobs hmm
Which is very controversial from the time. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know if it's true. I knew from just like... They were all pissy about just like... Oh, yeah. Just, yeah. Like a little bit of cleavage there. It's a big deal. And the blood was not allowed to be red, even though it was black and white, so they had to use chocolate sauce. Yeah. There you go, dude. Right on. How about number two, Dusty? I went with another one of my all-time favorites.
the original 1941 Wolfman. Okay. Oh, yeah. Because I, you know, I just have been a Wolfman guy my entire life, werewolf guy. I love a werewolf, dude. And I do, too. And that was just, I loved it. I had went as, I remember I was probably 10 years old. because I started watching these with my dad, and I was playing football like young Deacon and trying to figure out, what am I going to be for Halloween? And my old man says, why don't you be?
a Wolfman football player. I was like, oh, okay. There it is. Yeah. So mom put all the fucking hair on my face and I got the vampire teeth that I put on the bottom, you know, so you had the Lawrence Talbot, you know. I wore my Raiders football uniform with my trick-or-treat buckets. Atta boy. Anyway, it went over. swimmingly at the uh the parade in school you know very very cool nice the wolfman 1941 right on i like the wolfman um it kind of got ruined for me though because somehow in my
Horror history, I ended up watching American Werewolf in London before I saw The Wolfman. Oh, yeah. So you do that, you're going to fuck up The Wolfman because you're like... This guy looks like a big teddy bear, really. And then when you watch the kill scenes where he just puts his hands on the guy's shoulders and kind of pushes him down. Yeah. Holds him out like this.
But he does the growling with the lip curl, you know? Yeah, very scary. Yeah, I like it. It's silly. It holds up for me. Well, that's fine. That's all that matters. Movies that don't hold up, well... For me, probably not for you guys, 1931's The Old Dark House. You guys seen this?
I probably have, but I don't recall. This is like the pinnacle of the campfire tale to me. You've got the travelers get caught in a storm. They have nowhere to go. They just happen to see this old dark house on the horizon. So they... go there to seek shelter what they find there is a very eccentric kind of aristocratic family with a bunch of secrets and shit just gets out of control real fast um
You could draw a lot of parallels to some of Rob Zombie's work these days, except that, of course, was much classier, and it didn't have fucking chainsaw rape or anything like that. Yeah, the white trash elements. I watch it now almost as more of a comedy because some of the dialogue is just bananas. You'll have to excuse Morgan. He's dumb. I'm talking about a guy that's deaf and mute. He's dumb. yeah uh great show very gothic also like the way the the director used shadows um
Basically, there's no power to this house, so they just have this big fireplace that they all sit around, and it's fucking dark. The power's gone out. The way he uses people coming in and out of this big ballroom. The wind blowing and then more stranded travelers showing up as the night goes on. It's pretty wild. It's one of my favorites of all time, I would say.
Buddy, how about number one? Nosferatu. The original. Yeah. Nice. F.W. Murnau. Love it. I used to have a VHS tape of Nosferatu, but it was like... Black and white, but they would change the tint so it would be like purple. There would be like a shade of purple on it in certain scenes. Shades of green. And it would have typo negative playing in the background the whole time.
It didn't really fit because it would be one of their slow songs at the climax of it. So you're like, it doesn't really work. But it was still kind of cool. It was a cool thing to have. Yeah, dude, that's pretty much the start of it. Your vampire mythos right there. And Max Schreck. That is a creeper.
I would say. Isn't that a scary guy? Eyebrows on this guy. Does he even have eyebrows? I don't think he even has. Oh, yeah, he did have eyebrows. No, they're big, huge. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that big, bulbous head of his. He's just a creeper, dude. He's not like the sexy Bela Lugosi guy.
He's not going to steal your girlfriend from you, I don't think. But he is going to give her the heebie-jeebies for sure. Rabies. Rabies too, possibly. Those stupid teeth. At least that Dracula had fucking teeth. Bella didn't even bother with that shit. And like just standing around outside your bedroom door.
Look like you just caught him beating off. Stop that shit, man. I wasn't finished. I'll be in the next room. It takes a long time with these long, thin fingers of mine. Do you know how hard it is? Pleasure. yourself with hands like these. Oh, it's a good show. How about number one, Dusty? You said Night of the Living Dead. You and me both, bud. I'm with you on that. That is... I think the...
The thing about that that hit me the hardest the first time I saw it was that there was always like an easy out in the horror movies. Don't go off with your girlfriend in the fucking woods in the middle of the night no matter how horny you are. Don't... Pick up hitchhikers. Don't pick up hitchhikers, dude. If you see the old dark house on the horizon, don't go there.
Just keep fucking walking. You'll find someone, get to a gas station or something. This fucking thing brought it to you. That took the zombies and said, oh, you think you're safe at home? We'll put three or four hundred of them out there.
See how safe you are now, fuckface. By the way, you're stuck in there with a bunch of rubes that don't know how to work a padlock. They're coming to get you, Barbara. Yeah, they are. Scary stuff. The first zombie siege. Yeah, first flesh-eating zombies also, by the way. That is our meat hook for the week, inmates. It is top three black and white horror films. I'd also like to take a quick honorable mention for The Vich. Oh, yeah. That's a good one.
Much easier to watch with subtitles from what I understand. Oh, the new one? Yeah. That was in black and white? Yeah. You can watch it in black and white. Oh. You can also watch The Mist in black and white. I didn't know that. Yeah, if you get the right... I've watched them both in color. I've watched the...
The Witch or The Vitch. I've watched that a few times, but I've always watched it in color. I think there's like a bonus feature. I know there's one for The Mist. You can watch it in black and white because that one was supposed to be directed as a creature feature.
Boy, oh boy, did that take a weird turn. Right on, inmates. Let us know what your top three black and white horror films are. Mental Health Hotline, of course, is area code 775-387-0275. Or just hit us on the email. Just go to paddedroompodcast.com. Hit the Meat Hook link and let us know what's going on there. In the meantime, we've got to tell you what movies we got to watch this week and a little segment we like to call What Are You Looking At?
What are you looking at? So I finished Starveacre from 2023. It's fine. It's good. It's got kind of a Pet Sematary vibe to it a little bit. I feel like folk horror gets kind of a free pass these days for being slow and weird, being slow and trying to get into a lot of character exposition. And, Oh, tragedy has struck. Look at how this family deals with it. And, Oh,
here's a light dusting of, uh, weird old gods and fucking rabbit resurrections and things like that. But no, the real problem is these two aren't talk. They're falling out of love after the travel. All in all, it's not a bad show. The ending, I feel like, was a pretty good payoff, especially when... Well, I don't want to ruin it for anybody, but we get...
We get some ultraviolet there at the end. Yeah. And it gets pretty bloody, too, I'll say. That's really all I got to watch this week. Dusty, what do you got? Oh, I only got to watch one as well. All the... Fence repair and whatnot going on at the house there. And then the Red Queen and I went to a heavy metal show Friday night, which was super fun. Nice. So I only got one in. We were tooling around last night on Shudder because...
St. Paddy's Day, we were just sitting there waiting for the kid to get out of volleyball practice, and we watched, got on the Irish horror line there, and we watched Unwelcome. Okay. It's basic. They're the Red Hats. Supposedly it's Irish folklore. Okay. So this British couple was living in the slums of London. And the... Man of the couple is the biggest fucking pussy. Puss poos. Oh, God. So these three, you know, what do you call them? London.
Thug, toughs, you know. Toughs, sure. Yeah, soccer hooligans. Scallywags. Yeah, soccer hooligan types, you know. They basically, he tells them. They're trying to, hey, bruv, hey, bruv, go get some money. And then he basically tells them to fuck off. And they follow him back to his apartment and fuck off.
No, fuck you. And they kick the fuck out of him. And him and his wife just found out she's pregnant. Ah, shit. And she locks herself in the bathroom. They drag her ass out. And on the point of... Raping her, and then the cops start coming. So that is a big tragedy happened to him, right, in the slums of London. So then just by happenstance, this guy's aunt passes away in the...
picturesque Irish countryside, and she leaves him her house. So along with this house comes some kind of a responsibility that they must do to keep these little things at bay. Excellent. Nothing good. No, no. But like I said, I went into it with very low expectations, and it actually ended up being a pretty good movie. Nice. I enjoyed it. It was fun. Have you ever seen Grabbers?
The one where they have to stay drunk? Yes. That is a good Irish movie. Oh, yeah. It's perfect. Tentacles coming out of the ocean and just snatching people. Unless you're drunk. Yeah, unless you're him. For the aliens. good times buddy what do you got uh the parenting the parenting yeah it's got a brian cox um oh what's her name um i can't even remember her name Lisa Kudrow. She's in it. It's a funny horror comedy. Is that new? Yeah, it's fairly new.
Yeah, it's got like a 400-year-old poltergeist in it, and all these people are coming together. Basically, it's a gay couple, and both of their parents are there. Okay. Oh, man, it's a riot. It's a really good show. Where'd you find him? Max. Okay, I'm going to have to check that out. Right on, dude. Is that all you got? Yep, that's all I got. All right, how about some immersion therapy then? Immersion Therapy
I don't know about this butterfly kisses business, bros. Yeah. It's a little silly. A little wonky. Was I the only one that just hated that guy? The filmmaker guy? Oh, yeah. He seemed like a real fuck face to me. Yeah, he did. I get it. Enthusiasm is great, but it's only going to get you so far. Stealing the kids' college money to make your movie? You fucking prick. I love that they actually had Eduardo Sanchez come in and be like,
That was pretty funny. That's a little much, don't you think? Yeah. That was pretty good. It's fine, I guess. It was probably made for $1.50. That's the cool thing about found footage movies. They're cheap as shit to make. You get a free pass on anything that doesn't work because you just shake the camera and then...
Whatever. Oh, Dusty's going to beat me up. Dusty, why did you beat me up, man? I'm all bloody. You don't have to actually film it. You don't have to actually do any special effects right now. The camera got beat up. I'll just have to go with that. I don't know, man. The whole...
Peeping Tom thing and the guy at the end of the tunnel. Nobody can stare. Bird face? You got to stare at him for an hour? An hour. Get fucked, dude. There's no real danger of this guy really, you know, accidentally coming out.
No, hell no. Nobody can look down there for an hour. Nobody can even do it if they want to just fuck around like a candy man, right? Yeah. Hey, you want to go to the bathroom and do candy man? Sure. Now that's a real problem, right? No, you've got to make a whole night out of this. No, you've really got to commit to this thing. Dude, you've got to bring snacks. You've got to make sure you go to the bathroom before you get there.
Eye drops when you're done. Yeah, seriously. Got to get those things that they had on the clockwork orange. Keep your eyes open. Whatever. It's silly.
I kind of lost interest. I kept it on. I watched the whole thing. What did you guys think of Butterfly Kiss? Is it about the same? What do you got for us this week, buddy? All right, courtesy of Dusty. This week's... unwelcome 2022 it's about a married couple maya and jimmy escape their urban nightmare to the tranquility of rural Ireland only discover malevolent and murderous goblins lurking in the gnarled ancient wood at the foot of their new garden.
and you'll find this gem on Shudder. Check that shit out, inmates. We'll do the same and compare notes next week. But now it is time for a round of Who's Your Daddy? Who is daddy? First, my clues from last week. Well, I've got a hot girlfriend. That's awesome. But we are a little financially strapped and I owe some money to some very scary guys.
Bad news right there. But the good news is they gave me an easy out. I just have to help them rob a bank. So no problemo there. I don't really want to do that either, but fuck this. Off we go to rob the bank. Shit gets completely fucked up. There's not even any money in this bank. So one of my coworkers here decides to kidnap a teller and we're going to leverage her for some kind of ransom. We'll hold up at the abandoned school outside of town until we can get some cash for this chick.
Really hope there's not a big scary guy with a weird farming implement running around here killing everybody off. I am, of course, the rights of spring. Have you guys seen that one? It's a pretty good show. Yeah. It's a really good – it's low budget. It's a slasher. The kills are pretty gnarly. I don't know what you call that thing. It's like a baseball bat, but it's got like a big curved blade thing on the end.
I got to get one of those just to keep in my car for road rage incidents. Road rusher. It might be a thresher, yeah. Bust that out when somebody cuts you off. They're going to get right back in their fucking car, I guarantee it. Who might I be this week, you ask? Well, I am a college student who's looking to get the fuck out of my dorm room because my roommate is a horny bitch.
I just need about $400 to put a down payment on this nice little studio apartment I found. Where the hell am I going to get $400? Babysitting gig. This eccentric family is going to pay me $400 for one night. I just got to go there. Watch the kid. It turns out there's no kid there. It's actually an elderly grandma that lives in the attic. And I just need to stay there with her for one night.
I'll be fine. My best friend's going to drop me off. I hope she doesn't get her fucking head blown off as soon as she backs down out of the driveway. That's a very real possibility, by the way. Who might I be, you ask? Tune in next week and I'll drop some knowledge on you, inmates. In the meantime, join us next week for Phantom Creeps, closing out Bela Lugosi month here in the padded room.
I think that's about going to do it for us this week, though. You guys got anything else on the week? No, that's it. Thank you guys, as usual, very much for joining us. Like, comment, subscribe wherever you found this podcast. That helps our visibility quite a bit. We also have a Patreon campaign.
running if you're interested just go to paddedroompodcast.com you'll find all the info you need there um in the meantime for buddy dusty phantom creepers max schreck standing around outside of people's bedrooms like the creep that he is vampire creepers phantom creepers vampire creepers horny bastards all all over the place fucking sex slaves kept in glass closets in the rubes that cannot seem to keep a leash on them after they're done beating off. Yeah. Dude.
It's a wonder that the hairstyles on those women were as pristine as they were. Oh, dude. Because the way he was petting that hair. You know that there was some... He had like a whole brush conditioner kit set up to get that shit out of there. As soon as he was done. Pretty girl. Pretty girl. Oh, I clumped in your hair again. I'm sorry. You guys are disgusting. And the Padded Room Podcast. I'm afraid visiting hours are over. Bye and have a great week.