The Padded Room Podcast Ep.666 (Return of the Living Dead)

I don't need that. Pat in a room. A radio is on the air. You filthy, filthy animals. My name is Darian. I have returned for another week of horror goodness. My main man Dusty is in the house. Hello, hello. What's going on, Big Dust? Oh, nothing much. Just same old shit, different pile. What is this all about now? You don't sound happy. Oh, I'm fine.

You good? Yeah, I'm good. I worry about you. You know that. I know. I'm fine. I'm just being dramatic. I'm a little worried about myself tonight. You know why? Why is that? Because tonight we are recording episode 600. in 66. Are we now? The Padded Room Podcast, my friend. Should we have staged the room before we came in? We probably should have. Yeah, we probably should have. We probably should have done something. Yeah, we probably should have had some guest people or something. Maybe review

The Exorcist or something. A little Ouija play or something. Yes, an ass play. I don't know. I don't know which way we want to go with this, Dusty. We can gay it up if we want. Hey, there's always that. That always plays well in the comedic realm. It is. I don't give a shit, man. It's 666. Oh, that is an accomplishment. It is, but I don't like getting caught up in numbers. You know what I mean? Because I thought episode 25 was a big deal.

And now it's episode 666. 14 years. Almost 14 years later. And I am still in this fucking room. I actually changed rooms at one point after my kids were born. But yeah, I don't really care. We get caught up in these numbers and it kind of feels like there's going to be an end point. You know what I mean?

Like, well, we made it to episode 1000. We can stop now. Start thinking about retirement. Yeah, I'm not going to stop. No. So who gives a shit? They're going to keep pumping out horror movies, so why not keep going? So I'm going to keep cranking them out. There you go. Until I get throat cancer.

Or I've been trying to get canceled for like the last five years. Have you now? Yeah, nobody wants to cancel me. We might be able to do something about that. Yeah? Man, what do I have to do? I don't know. Episode 493, I gave out instructions on how to make pipe bombs. Nobody gave a shit! Did anybody try it, though? Well, if they did, they didn't call back. So, I got that going. Right on, man. Well, it's been 666. I feel like our high lord Satan is with us tonight. Yep. So...

Rock and roll. So it should be a good metal show. Absolutely metal. I love it. This week. I love that. Well, we've got a regular show to get into. We've got horror news, listener mail. We've got some movies to talk about. I say we start things off with a little horror news there, amigo. Sounds good. Horror news. Alright, what do you got there, fella?

So I am ashamed that I didn't know this. I'm ashamed of you. I know. We kind of touched on this last week, but I did not realize that Mike Flanagan has... purchased him and Intrepid Pictures have purchased the rights to the Dark Tower series. They have. And I didn't know that. Well, okay. So there was talks that Stephen King was going to write some adaptations for them. But he has since denied that. That was the most recent news. Stephen King kind of denied that he was going to write.

treatments for their scripts and stuff like that yeah but anyway it's uh flanagan is saying that he uh let's see it's in it's been in development since 2022 which is Should be getting close, I would imagine, to being something. But so... Flanagan has viewed it as a five-season series and possibly a few feature films. Yeah, I would imagine. Yeah, it's a big thing. I can't even...

I don't even want to start to dig into that pile. You know what I mean? What are we talking, nine books, I think? There's six, or no, there's seven, I believe. Yeah? The Gunslinger, yeah, there's seven. Okay. So... Yeah, but there's a lot of other, I mean, it intertwines. And I guess it would probably be hard to do that in a standalone type series situation where it intertwines with all of his other works or a lot of his other works. Yeah.

So it intertwines with, obviously, It. Right. Salem's Lot. Salem's Lot, yeah. Father Callahan's one of the main characters. Right. In the... Dark Tower series. Good night. I think Flagg comes back from The Stand. Yes, Flagg's one of the main villains. He works for the Crimson King, who is the main villain. From Insomnia. Yes. Dude, let me tell you something. I talk a lot of shit about all the books that you read in this Dark Tower series.

The Horace Heresy series. It's a Warhammer 40,000 series of books, 73 volumes. Wow. I made it to book 12. That's still pretty good. Dude, I can't even. I just couldn't anymore. I flew my geek flag as high as it would go and I was like, I can't fucking take this anymore. You're not even speaking english to me you know what i mean all this high priest and heretics and mutations and the fucking adeptus stardust and the that's stop

So you couldn't even hang with it anymore, huh? No, I probably shouldn't have done them back to back to back to back to back. Yeah, you need a little break. And I keep promising myself I'll try to pick it up again at some point. I don't know, man. I don't know if I have it. I don't have the staying power. So do you remember all the stuff that was... Oh, yeah. Oh, you remember it also. Yeah, yeah, because every single book, like...

rehashes what happened and then it picks up where the last book left off. Gotcha. So you get like an instant refresher course. It's nice that they do that because there's a lot of books that like reading a series and then, you know, the next one doesn't come out for. a year or two, and then I forget all the shit that happens. My memory is shit, so I was just like, well, then I've got to go to YouTube and watch.

Okay, wait a minute. This book explained, or the CliffsNotes or whatever. Because I forget all that's happened. But it's nice when they do that. They give you a little... What do you call it? A refresher? A little synopsis? No, this series has been in the works since... Well, I remember book one came out, I think, when I was in the eighth grade. Oh. I don't want to date myself. And they're still going? They're still going. Oh, okay. Yeah, well...

Yeah, I think they do still have more in the world. I can't even. Wow. I can't even. I feel like I'm being re-virginized by reading those books. What else you got, dude, bro? So Fear Street Prom Queen release date has been set. They released a teaser trailer for Fear Street Prom Queen. All right. And the release date is May 23rd on Netflix. Sounds good. So the tagline basically is, in the next installment,

of the blood-soaked Fear Street franchise. Prom season at Shadyside High is underway and the school's wolf pack of it girls is busy with its usual sweet and vicious campaigns for the crown. Okay. Then it goes on to say that... But when a gutsy outsider is unexpectedly nominated to the court and the other girls start mysteriously disappearing, the class of 88 is suddenly in for one hell of a prom night. All righty. So that's what they're saying here. We got...

Was that like a little sprinkling of the prom queen? I think it was in 1984, Fear Street, I think. I think that was the first one, right? First one, yeah. 1992 or something like that? It wasn't at the... I feel like it was early 90s. I could be wrong. Yeah, I think you're right because I think it was 90s and then it went to 70s and then it went to like 1666 or something like that. Those are good shows. I like those.

I'm going to have to re-watch those three so that I'm not an idiot. Just like going back and reading the fucking Horace Heresy book. No. You know what? No. I'm not going to watch it. I'm not going to do it. No. I'm taking a stand. Got anything else, man? Nope. That's it. Dude. Dude, dude, dude, I know what you're looking for. And I can tell you right now where to find it. It's going to cost you about $1,000. Oh, boy. Payable to me for this information.

It is a 50-foot tall inflatable Stay Puft Marshmallow Man for your house on Halloween. That is big. That would be over to the top of my roof. Yeah, mine too. Mine too, yeah. But I have a two-story house. Yeah. It's going to be a... Yeah, I got a one story. That son of a bitch is going to be down the street in no time. $1,000. You can get it. You can pre-order it at Home Depot. I guess I'll get the credit card out. I don't think it'd fit in my yard. That's a lot. That's a lot. That is a lot.

Unless you're like a car dealership, you know, or something like that. Yeah, or the camping world with a giant 50-foot American flag. Oh, yeah. Jesus Christ. I'm surprised nobody's gotten killed by that thing yet. Does the name Mark Z. Danielewski ring any bells? I can't say that it does. Probably not. There's a book that came out in the late 90s called House of Leaves. Have you ever heard of this? House of Leaves? I haven't.

bizarre it is absolutely bizarre you've got the the concept is that um this guy buys a new it's kind of been like half-ass adapted a couple of times uh this guy buys a brand new house And he is taking measurements of the house and he realizes when he measures it from the inside, he's got like three extra feet. He measures it from the outside and the house is smaller. This was a movie. Or an adaptation. Wasn't Kevin Bacon in it or something? Yeah, well, kind of.

Okay, sorry, go ahead. I feel like that had something to do with the book, but this goes beyond bizarre. So the guy's like, okay... That's a little strange, but surely there has to be some fucking anomaly at play here. I've got to get to the bottom of this. Guy happens to be a documentary filmmaker, right? So now he's thinking, this is absolutely insane. So he starts setting up his cameras. He's going to make a movie about it.

in the meantime his dad dies so he flies to Seattle for the funeral he comes back he's got an extra fucking room in his house yeah Bananas, right? Yeah. So, okay, strange. Goes into the room and realizes that there's like a forever hallway. And it goes down. And now all of a sudden his house has like this ridiculous labyrinth underneath it. And it just keeps going and going and going. And they start sending like exploration crews down. Huh. Yeah. Hanging on to a rope. Pretty much, yeah.

Pretty much. But the weirdest part about it, I have the book around here somewhere. I'm going to show it to you before you leave. You're reading the book. Pages are upside down. Pages have holes in them. You've got some pages with one word on them. No shit. Yeah. You've got pages that are nothing but cliff notes. You've got...

Like this parallel story that is supposed to be some guy that read the book before you and he left you little notes in the book, like highlighted things and little, hey, don't listen. This guy's a fucking asshole. Don't believe what he's saying. That's pretty cool. It's bananas. Yeah, I think I got it. copy around here somewhere. I'll look into that for you.

The whole point of this story, Dusty, is that he is finally, this Daniel Lewski guy, is finally writing another book. He hasn't written anything since House of Leaves in, I think, 1992. Wow. And out of nowhere, he's got a new one in the works. Well, it sounds like he kind of...

spit his wad right there in that first one. Yeah, it's a lot. How are you going to top that, really? Exactly, right? You can't listen to that on Audible, I don't think. I wouldn't imagine. Yeah, I don't do much physical reading. This part is going to be upside down. So here we go. So turn your head to the side. T-1000 is going to hit Mortal Kombat 1 March 18th. I did see that.

Little teaser? Yeah, and the back and forth between him and the other characters. They're pretty fucking silly. I can't wait to play Conan against T-1000. Conan against T-1000. Oh, it's going to be awesome. There's going to be a lot of little... Yeah. All right. The Last of Us Season 2 will premiere April 13th. Yep. Did you watch the first season? I did. I heard it was amazing. It was great. Did you play the video game? Yes. I played the first one.

I didn't go on to two or... There's three now? I have no idea. Yeah, I played the first one. Right. And I actually played it... Kind of later on, I never played it because I think the first one came out for PS2, if I'm not mistaken. I had it on PS4. Is it 4? Yeah, but they remastered it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I actually got it again on... I played it on PS4, but then...

They remastered PS5, and so I played it on that. All right. Heard great things. Oh, it's great. It's fun. Looking forward to that. Great story. Lastly, have you ever seen a movie called Phenomena? I feel that I have. Remind me of the plot line. It was released under a lot of different titles. You may remember it as Creepers. Creepers. What you got here, this is a batshit crazy movie. You got a 13-year-old Jennifer Connelly who can control insects.

Oh, yeah, yeah, okay. You know what I'm talking about? Yes, I do. Okay, well, it's being adapted into a TV series by an independent Italian studio. No kidding. So I'm interested. I have no idea. Platform. Italian Netflix? Maybe. Netflixer? Netflixer. I don't know, man. There was a lot going on in that movie. You had a murderous monkey. You had paralyzed Donald Pleasance.

You had a weird body pit underneath the girls' school. Yep. Not to mention telekinetic. Yeah, it's definitely ringing a bell now. Yeah, it's crazy. I'm interested to see how this comes out. If it comes out at all. You never know. You never know. Like, that's... Dark Tower's been in development since 22. Did you ever see the Italian remake of Re-Animator? I haven't. It is wacky.

How long after Rhianna came out? This came out like four or five years ago. Oh, okay. So it's fairly new. It is very wacky. And there is an inordinate amount of sex. in that movie. Well, I'll be checking that out. If you like Italian women, dead Italian women. Well, who doesn't? Oh, yeah, you know. I mean, I don't know what the hell they're talking about. That's all we got on the horror news there, hot dog. You ready for some listener mail? Yes.

Listener mail. Yeah, buddy, we got emails and voicemails and all kinds of fun stuff coming at us here. Let's start things off with an email, shall we? All the way from Denmark. It's our old friend Lars in the house. Denmark, okay. Lars is our, I think, our longest standing Patreon contributor. Wow. He's a gentleman and a scholar. Don't hear from him a lot, but...

He's still sending me money, so God bless him for that. Is it Deutschmarks or is it American dollars? It goes right to Patreon. I don't know what the fuck. I don't know. But thank you very much, Lars. You're a beautiful young man. Subject line six, six, six. Oh, he realized that it was. He knew what was up. I didn't. I'm a terrible co-host. I had no idea. I don't fucking care. It is what it is. I don't even realize it until I put it in the episode thing.

Hello, Padded Room and Dr. Darian. It's Lars from Denmark. Long time. I hope you and the family are doing well. Just wanted to say congrats on 666 shows. The devil must be proud. I like to think so. I think he's keeping an eye on us.

I listen to the show on the train and it always makes me laugh and people give me strange looks. And I tell them that The Padded Room is a brilliant show about murder and mayhem and screaming ladies. Thanks again for all your awesome shows. I hope you will be doing 666 more. Rock on, Lars. That's awesome. Hey, thanks, Lars. That dude is the real deal right there. And that is all we have on the emails. Let's get to some voicemails, shall we?

All right, here comes the big man in Alabama, Alan. How's it going, Alan? Of the cha-cha. What's up? What's up? What's everybody doing? Let's see, no Terror Dome? Nope. If there was, it'd definitely be taking Dracula. Alright, just calm down. Are you one body to me? Oh, he got me! Wow. I know you have actually seen that movie. It's a good show. It's funny. That was not Goldberg's finisher. That was the lead up to his finisher. He'd spear him and then hit him with a jackhammer.

And finally, as far as Plan 9 from Outer Space being the worst movie ever made, they obviously haven't seen that Crow remake. Fucking God, that movie's fucking dog shit. I'd rather watch... Halloween ends again. Okay, wow. Let's not be crazy there, mister. That director should never make another fucking movie again. Oh, that movie's shit in my eyes. Anyway.

Hope everybody's doing good. Talk to y'all later. Bye. Beautiful. Thanks for calling in, Ellen. I wasn't mad at the Crow remake. Yeah, that redeeming fight scene at the end in the opera was pretty badass. It's not a kung fu movie. That you thought you were going to get. No. I mean, if you're expecting...

Brandon Lee style kickflips and all that shit. You're not going to get that. You didn't get that in any of the Crow sequels. No. They were all kind of shitty. Eh, pretty crap. A little bit shoot-em-up, a little bit fucking revenge, whatever. I wasn't mad at it. I knew going into it that it was not going to be the Brandon Lee Crowe. It was going to have Eric Draven and Shelly, and that's fine. And that's pretty much it. That's 99% of your movie right there. And him bickering with angels.

broken down subway. And then some dude that, I never even really understood what that, the bad guy, he was getting like, Like demon powers? Yeah. If I remember right, the angel dude said that he made a deal with the devil. That's right. I don't know. You can't do that. You can't be doing it. Hey, it was in the terms and conditions.

You cannot do that. You clicked agreed. Now, here comes a... But it was in the fine print at the bottom that nobody reads. You gotta read that, bro. It's like making a deal with the devil. You read every fucking thing. You get Ira Leibovitz.

attorney at law, and then he notarizes it. So this is good for me to sign? I'm good? Like, nothing bad's gonna happen if I sign this? I paid your retainer, you motherfucker. You better let me know. Oh, shit, Alan. I'm sorry you didn't like it. I wasn't mad at it. I understand why a lot of people didn't like it. Let's see. Here comes Tom Hardy, all the way from Southern California. Hey-o!

Heyo, padded room. How's my favorite degenerates this week? Oh, not too bad. Pretty good. I do hope everyone is doing well. Hey, I know we don't have a terror dome tonight. We got a championship. We're going to be voting on it after tonight's show. Yes, sir. I did want to get in real quick. I'm getting in early. Just go ahead and put me down for Matthew Cordell, the maniac. Okay, I like that. I can definitely see him staking Dracula there. He's got that...

That billy club that has the knife inside, so I could easily see him plunging that into Drak Park. Okay. The wood of the nightclub, you know, that was a suffice of mistake. Definitely put me down. Something we don't talk about with Matthew Cordell there, the maniac cop, is stealth skills, you know? I think I told you my favorite part is when he's driving the police vehicle at night lighting sirens on fire and somehow the protagonist loses sight of him.

Put me down for the Maniac Cop. I'm getting in early. All right. Taking early money on that one. Maniac Cop all the way. Okay. Wanted to get in also with the What Are You Looking At department. What you got? A couple of things. I saw Steakland 1 and 2 for the first time. Hadn't seen them before. I gotta say, I loved the first one. And I thought the second one was okay. Yeah, I thought the first one was great. Second one, I still enjoyed it, just not as good.

I agree. I have started that one a couple of times. It's all right. It kind of reminded me of when all those zombie flicks were coming out in the mid-2000s, and this is just another one of them. It's all right. It's got some decent moments. It is low budget. It is. There are times when it cuts to, like, cartoon artwork. Yeah, yeah.

I don't know. It was all right. I mean, there's one part where the main chick, she gets like all tacked up. You know, she gets a bunch of fucking guns and a bunch of fucking tack gear. But the thing was, is like, for whatever reason, even though she's, you know, doesn't want to get fit and she's got, you know, elbow fucking pads and she's got, you know, I don't know.

fucking shoulder pads or football or whatever. Yeah, she's going to play flag football. She still had to leave her arms bare for some reason. I don't know. If I remember right, she was wearing a wife beater. Kind of forgettable, but feeling like a zombie flick and just want something kind of... fun on the background give it a shot sure then i caught uh this flick uh steel trap on amazon yeah i saw the thumbnail and uh it reminded me uh what fucking attracted me to it is i noticed that it's a uh

high-rise horror movie. Okay. I remember you had that on the... GP'd. Oh. You got GP'd. I was waiting for the reveal there. Oh, no, it's coming. He called back. You know he called back.

What was it? Oh, Breakdown Lane. Interesting. Low budget. It's like the first, I think, hour of the movie is the chick. It's a zombie apocalypse. The chick is trapped in her car. And the only living soul that... around other than zombies is the uh on star guy and they're like still working oh he's in the on yeah so he's still working yeah he's like the last on star dispatcher

And she's just chilling with him. That guy takes his job seriously. He got nowhere else. I think if I remember right, he was like stuck in the OnStar office. He said, ah, fuck it, I'll just keep working. I got nobody else to talk to. So this chick's stuck in her car. I'm stuck in my office. Can you please send help? Well...

I was hoping you could send me help, actually. The ambulances are all kind of down right now. Everybody's dead, sweetie. I don't know what to tell you. Right on, Tom Hardy. I don't think I ever made it all the way to the end of that one. But I remember now. Wasn't bad. Worth checking out. He called back. G motherfucking Pete. G motherfucking Pete. Oh, hell yeah.

Hell yeah! As I was saying, the Steel Trap reminded me, that's what attracted me to it. It was a high-rise horror flick, and it was a slasher, and I'm always down for a fucking slasher. Yeah, you are. I got to say, I thought it was getting really good, and then it just kind of fucking petered out there. I mean, it's a high-rise, but it never really uses...

It uses it in like a trap session, like a trap sense, like, hey, they can't get out. Okay. But it could have been they were trapped in the basement of a place just as well. I don't know. And then it, like... The killer is striking, but he's got to leave these corny fucking, you know, I don't know, Valentine-like nursery rhymes. Yeah. It just kind of went off the deep. All right. Yeah. It was all right.

I wanted it to be a lot fucking better. Let me just say that. It was just okay. Started stronger, finished weaker. Alright. You know, as far as the educating department there, you know, I ain't going to play your stupid fucking game. Come on.

I don't know. I don't know. I know exactly who you are, but I'm not going to play that fucking game. Wow. I've got to guess what movie Darian thinks. No, dude. I totally know who it is. Okay. I'm just, you know. Hey, you got me. I'm not going to engage in that fucking studio. The streak is over. The whole ball is well. Love you like family. Love you too, Tom Hardy. Yeah, it was a tough one, man. I had to dig deep for that. That is good stuff.

That's all we got in the listener mail there, Dusty. You got anything for Lars, Tom, Hardy, or Alan? Thanks, fellas, for calling and writing in. Let's get into movie number 666 there, Dusty. I think we should. in the dark of the night something strange is going on Night of the Living Dead. Sure. They ship those bodies. Well, say hello. How many did you say? A hundred. And now the question is, how do we get them back into the ground? Bert, Frank, you have a little problem. Four left! Ten right!

And it's a puzzle. Because technically, you're not alive. Why do you eat people? Not people. Brains. Why do you kill something that's already dead? Well, how do I know, Fred? I don't know. Let me think. It's not a bad... Question, Bert? In that movie, they destroyed the brain to kill him. Is that what they did? The brain! Right! is nervous. The police are confused.

It's not a bad question, Bert. It's not a bad question, Bert. It's not a bad question, Bert. It's not a bad question, Bert. It's not a bad question, Bert. Do you want to party, Dusty? Always. It's party time. Always down for a party. Party, party, party. It's Return of the Living Dead from 1985, Dusty.

Yes, it is. 7.3 stars on IMDb. That's good. That's not bad at all. Directed by Dan O'Bannon. Written by Rudy Ricci. Got an R rating. Stars Clue, Gulager, James Caron, Tom Matthews, and of course, Miss Linnea Quigley. Oh, Daddy, I saw this movie for the first time. I believe I was eight years old. Probably should not have seen it at the ripe old age of eight. But I'm going to be honest with you. This movie scared the piss out of me.

I had seen Night of the Living Dead probably when I was five or six. I had seen Day of the Dead. No, Dawn of the Dead. I'm thinking Day of the Dead didn't come out until, like, 86, but... I had seen zombie apocalypse movies. They're slow. They're stupid. Right. And you can kill them. You can kill them. Fucking shoot them in the head. Hit them with a sledgehammer, baseball bat. You can kill a fucking zombie. No problem. You just got to make sure you don't get surrounded.

These motherfuckers. Nope. They're calling the cops on themselves so that they can eat the cops. That's right. Holy shit. And they're getting naked. Yep. And I kind of like it. Yeah. Dusty. Well, the fresh one. I mean, yeah. That little wrinkly one. You know, I could have done with that. Keep it not green. Boy oh boy. We can start this movie with a disclaimer saying that these are true events.

Absolutely. Yep, sure. Watching it now, it's clear to me that this movie is straight comedy, right? Oh, for sure. Yeah, absolutely. You know, it's funny because, I mean, I watch it once a year every year for 31 for 31, but...

The Red Queen never wants to watch it. She thinks it's so dumb. Oh, come on. It's just because she's like, you're watching a stupid movie. Why are you always... I was like, well, it's nostalgic and Linnea Quigley gets naked. What do you want to do? Yeah. What else do you need? Yeah. It's just stupid. I was like, well, I think you just got to watch it for nostalgia and just it brings you back to a time in your life. That's what it is, dude. Yeah.

These are not true events. I can assure you of that. There was no zombie apocalypse in Louisville in 1984. We're going to cut right to the You Need a Medical Warehouse, buddy. And it's, unfortunately, Freddy's first day on the job. Freddy's a punk-ass kid, played by Tom Matthews. circa 1985 he looks exactly like every other punk ass kid he's got his cut off sleeves on his shirt his suspenders for no apparent reason you know his silly

Hat. It looked like an old 1930s Boston Red Sox hat. It kind of looked like the old Pittsburgh Pirates hat. Yeah, but it's red, so I was thinking red socks. Like the old stovetop hat. I don't know what the hell. Big dangling earrings. And his boss – well, he's got two bosses. He's got a supervisor. That's going to be –

Frank. And then he's got, I guess, the warehouse manager, Bert. Bert kept, I'm assuming he's the owner. He might be the owner. Because he kept, you know, later on, my business is going to fail. That makes sense. It's 4th of July. weekend, dude. We're about to cut out of here for a three-day weekend. Bert cannot get the fuck out of there any faster. He's like, I'm out of here. I guess they're having a company barbecue or something. I'll see you at the barbecue. Yeah, you got it.

Frank and Freddy are going to hang around and he's going to show him around the warehouse. I don't know if Freddy just got there or what. He's supposed to get off at 10 o'clock. Right. And what was it? Six o'clock? Something like that. Something like that? Yeah. No, I think when they first showed it was like four. Okay. But anyway, I mean, you're thinking...

He's teaching him about his job right now at 4 o'clock. Yeah, as everybody else is leaving. Oh, let's not think too much. Let's not dig too. When you've seen something so many times, you start to pick up on that. This is kind of stupid. It's kind of stupid. That's fine. I love it anyway. What do we got? We got fresh skeletons. I mean, it's a medical supply warehouse. A skeleton farm from India. Exactly. Perfect teeth. Perfect teeth. Split dogs.

I really hope that they don't actually have split dogs. That seems cruel and inhumane. Yeah. Well, maybe in the 80s they did. Yeah, maybe they're like euthanized dogs and then they split them in half. I don't think PETA was much of a thing back then. I really don't want to think. Think about poor Ragnar the Magnificent.

on two opposite sides of a shelf right now. You know what I'm saying? You take them to the vet to get the ashes and everything and they give you a block of ashes. And then really what they do is they split them in half and send them to the vet. I got my man sitting in some laboratory on the opposite sides of the laboratory. Oh, hell.

know i'm gonna start crying um what else uh a bunch of uh like um what do you call those um appendages uh fucking oh yeah uh prosthetics is what i'm looking for and dusty one Fresh cadaver. Right. Chilling out. That's hanging. By his ears. Well, the spikes were going into his head. It looked like they were going into his ears. Well, wherever. I mean, there's no better way to store a cadaver.

You got a table in there. I see it. I can see the table in there. I've always wondered that. Is they hang them up like a side of beef? Dude. There's no way. No way. No way. Maybe like through the...

Rib cage or something? But if you're presenting these... to medical schools you don't want holes in their frigging heads from hanging no because they really look at brains exactly and I'll be honest with you I got some big fat friends that head's gonna come clean off it's gonna come right off yeah no hell no no way um

So that's all well and good. They're having a great time there, making a bunch of dick and fart jokes. Now we're going to cut to somewhere else across town where we're going to meet Freddy's friends. Oh, these dudes, Dusty. Yep. Okay, keep going. Okay, we've got a cast of characters here. We've got Casey. who's got a nice frohawk thing going on with some red and blue stripes. She's a bit of a ball buster. We've got Trash, of course, with her bright red hair and her very...

I don't know, grim outlook on life. We've got Scuzz, who seems to be the lonely Latino of the group. And, of course, our token black guy, Spider. Spider. And then we have a wildly out of place Tina. Yes. Who seems to be right out of... the Debbie Gibson school of pop culture. Right. She stepped off the screen of Saved by the Bell. Of course. And right behind her is Chuck who is wearing like a suit and tie. Yeah. And he really wants to fuck Casey.

but that's not going to happen, or anybody for that matter. But he's in charge of carrying the boombox. So what are we going to do tonight, guys? I don't know. Oh, we've got to pick up Freddy at 10. Freddy's got a job, that dick. Let's go to the park. We can't go to the park. The cops said they'd shoot us if we went back to the park. I just want a party. This is the dialogue that we got.

You've got it memorized. Oh, I can recite this movie off the top of my head. This is the kind of dialogue we got from kids in the 80s. And I would love to tell you that that's historically inaccurate. It is not. That's exactly what kids in the 80s were doing. I wouldn't know I was eight years old when this came out. I was old enough to see the older kids and being like, those guys, they're drunk in the park. They got it all figured out. We're five years old. Oh, you fucker. So...

They're just kind of pooping around. Eventually, they decide to call their buddy Suicide, who is the only guy with a car. And Suicide's going to pick them up, and then they're going to go pick up Freddy, and then they're going to go find a place to party. Suicide is... is the angriest guy in the group. Very angry. I love his look, and I wish that...

I could have pulled that off. How much earlier do you have to get up in the morning to get that perfectly shaved X thing in your head? Because you've got to keep that fresh, bro. You can't let that grow out. And attach all your chains from your jacket to your nose? That's an extra 25 minutes.

He's right there. Because we have all kinds of chains. And he had like a pulley system that went around. And then another one up. It's a whole thing, dude. Whole thing. It's a way of life. That's right. It is a way of life. He probably just sleeps in his clothes. That's probably, well, hope he doesn't have a waterbed. Oh, hey.

So, yeah, he comes and picks the dudes up and off they go. But he's bitching the whole time. Oh, yeah. Hang out with you guys. I'm spooky motherfucker. Oh, you think I'm fucking spooky? Now we're going to cut back to our medical warehouse where Frank and Freddie, the boss is gone. So they're going to do a lot of fucking off. And that's exactly what they do. Freddie has to ask the question. Hey, Frank.

What's the weirdest thing you've ever seen come through this place? And I'm not going to try to do James Caron. I'm just going to paraphrase and say that... Well, he thinks that Night of the Living Dead was a true story based on an incident in Pittsburgh in which there was a chemical spill that caused all the dead bodies to kind of jump up around and fuck off. And George Romero wanted to... make a documentary about that or

Yeah, some kind of a movie about it. And the Darrow Chemical Company, manufacturers of 245 trioxin, were going to sue his ass off if he did. So he just changed a bunch of shit around and made Night of the Living Dead instead. Yep. Frank, how could you possibly know this? Because those dead bodies are still here in the basement, Freddie. Down they go to check out the dead bodies, which I got to tell you.

I would want to see the dead bodies, too. I've got to see them, right? Oh, yeah. We get downstairs. Mind the third step. It's a doozy. And we see the barrels. U.S. Army Department of Engineers in case of... emergency call this phone number they're pretty cool man they're like regular oil barrels but there's like a hatch on top and then like a observation slit where you can see the dead body inside it. And it's gnarly. I don't know that I would want to keep that.

In my medical supply warehouse. Now, what did Bert think he was going to gain by keeping those? I think he was just too lazy to fucking call the number. How many – the colonel said they've been missing for 10 years. Something like that, yeah. Or 12. I don't know. But so he's Burt saying just hung on to him for 10 years? Yeah, just hanging. Oh, okay. More to the point, and I don't mean to nitpick this again, but –

Number one, mind the third step. Number two, how the fuck did you get those barrels down there to begin with? I know you didn't just roll them down the stairs. Very true. There's clearly no elevator or... Maybe that pulley system that comes into play later. Oh, yeah. That's what it was. I know. It makes sense, Dusty. All right. So they get down there and they're looking through. Solidly.

Absolutely. Army Corps of Engineers finest work. Absolutely. First thing Freddy says, hey, this thing isn't going to leak or break open or anything. Absolutely not. And then Frank smacks it and out comes the cloud of gas and fuck. Now we're off and running. Yep. While that's going on, our teenagers have arrived at the Unita Medical Supply Warehouse. Unfortunately, Freddy isn't off for another couple hours.

Well, what are we going to do for a couple hours? We can't go anywhere else. Ain't got no gas. You're going to buy me some gas? You wipe? So... So Stude showed up. I don't know.

That's what this movie needed. Oh, yeah. A little bit of stooge. They decide to go into the neighboring cemetery and fuck off for a while. Excellent. Resurrection Cemetery. That's what it was. Right. Excellent. Perfect place for these... fucktards in they go they break out the road flares and kick up the boom box and things are gonna get a little weird here for a second dusty because trash um i don't know i don't know what kind of drug she was on

I think she's just a horny young lady. Just the thought of old men fondling her in... Putting their mouths on her. It just really gets her going. She was very hot. She was. Yeah. Well, I mean, it's 4th of July weekend. Right. It's going to be pretty toasty. That's another thing the 4K doesn't do well. I mean, you see the sweat dripping off these kids, too. Yeah, yeah. Trash just takes her.

clothes off and starts doing a very sexy dance on a sarcophagus now i was under the impression and i like to believe to some extent that it still could be true even though i know better that she goes full monty in this situation Linnea Quigley, unfortunately, has since came out and said no. She was wearing a vag cover. Similar to a maxi pad for this scene. Gotcha. But, you know, I'd like to think that it was flapping in the wind. I mean...

I've paused many times. If you really want to see them, if you really want to see the meat curtains, you're better off looking at Night of the Demons when she pulls her skirt up and starts prancing around towards Jay. Jay! So that's pretty hot. And that's awesome. Now we're going to cut back to the medical supply warehouse where Frank and Freddie are waking up. They realize they're in deep shit. So their first instinct is, okay.

I'm going to spray a little Lysol around. Right. We're going to keep this quiet. I got that stink. It's in my clothes. Let's just spray a little Lysol. Let's just get a little Lysol going here. Best if we don't tell Bert about this, right? Yeah, okay. Here's my question about this whole part. Watching this movie so many times. Absolutely. Okay, so Tar Man's out of the barrel by this point. Yes. Why the fuck didn't he eat those two guys when they're passed out on the floor? Okay.

I've considered that myself. What I like to think. Later on in the movie, we're going to find out that zombies can smell brains. They allude to live brains. Okay. We don't know at exactly what point... Frank and Freddy died, but they did die at some point. One could make the argument that while they could possibly be dead as soon as they got the gas, they just haven't gone full zombie brain function yet.

I'm reaching here. No, I mean, that does make sense because I've always thought that to myself. I'm like, why the fuck didn't he eat these two guys on the ground? That's a valid question. And more to the point, why didn't they hear him banging around down there? Yeah. Because he's making a lot of noise. Right. He's kind of hiding in the corner. Anyway. Yeah. I don't know. But that was another thing that was pretty cool about when the barrel started evacuating the gas when they showed...

his face, what it was, it looked like it was, yeah, it was pretty cool. Very Indiana Jones, Raiders of the Lost Ark-esque, you know, it was pretty cool. So that's pretty gnarly. They're thinking about, oh, fuck, okay, let's not tell Bert about this. We'll just spray some Lysol. We'll be good. They hear a dog.

winding down one of the aisles they go down there and all the split dogs are like so they take a crutch and try to beat them all to death let's kill them again okay shit uh That's going okay, but then... That cadaver freezer, Dusty, something is in there, and it's trying to get out real bad. Oh, yeah. Let's lock it in there. So they lock it in there, and I think maybe now it's time to get old Bert on the phone. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I love the way that Frank has.

to kind of fix his eyebrows and take a sip of his coffee. Bert! How you doing, boss? Frank here. Quick question. Little problem. Oh, shit. Now we're going to cut back to our friends partying in the cemetery. Trash has no interest in putting her clothes back on, which is good. That's a good thing. Yeah, I support her decision. If Chuck is still trying to fuck Casey, that's not happening. Suicide is just kind of suiciding, I guess. He just kind of, you know what, man? Nobody gets me, man.

I bust my ass for you guys and what do I get? You're spooky. I love this guy. And Trash is... throwing herself at him at that exact moment. What's wrong with you, man? Basically taking him out in the freaking... Right there, and he's still on his tirade. I think I just figured it out. Suicide is gay. And he's mad at himself for being gay. He's clearly peacocking with all this fucking bullshit in his haircut. That's an angry gay man right there. I think that's it. If you are around...

Quigley and she's naked and she's fucking dry humping your leg like this. How do you not have a boner? You don't play for that team, I guess. Now you hate yourself for not playing for the wrong team or whatever. All right, well, that sucks. Just more kids fucking around in the cemetery. It's all good. Here comes Bert. And he's going to, oh, what did you do? I told you to stay away from those goddamn tanks. Okay, well, we got to fix this now, Bert. We got...

Someone or something in the cadaver freezer screaming, freaking out. Well, how do we do? We got to kill him. Right? How do we kill him? Well, in the movie, you shot him in the head. Okay. Here's what's going to happen. I love this part. Freddie, you open the thing. As soon as the guy runs out, Frank, you hit him in the head with this pickaxe.

I don't know if I can do this, Bert. God damn it, Frank, be a man. And he does the perfect supervisory role. Yeah. He goes and hides in the aisle away from all the action. Yeah, he holds two of the aisles like, okay, I'm going to make sure these aisles don't fall over.

I'm here for moral support, boys. That's right. We got to make sure these don't fall over. So you take care of... Don't worry about these aisles. I got these aisles. Out comes this jaundiced fucking crackhead. Shaved completely bald. Screaming like a maniac. Runs right past Freddie and Frank and just jumps on top of Bert. Yep.

You chose the wrong place to stand there, Jefe. Should have grabbed that pickaxe. A little bit of a struggle. Eventually, they pinned the corpse down, and then they put the pickaxe through his skull. He doesn't give a shit. Nope. He's still struggling. He's kind of pinned to the ground, though. And they're like, what the hell? I was supposed to kill him. I didn't kill him. Okay, so Bert goes and gets a hacksaw and just starts hacking him up.

Hacks his head off. Beautiful. Starts with a head. Well, now what are we going to do? I don't know. We got him hacked up into 50 pieces and all the pieces are still crawling around trying to get at us. Shit. Now this is when we do a little quick thinking. Okay, we got to... somehow dismantle this guy till there's absolutely nothing left uh acid maybe where the fuck are we gonna get acid i don't know

Crematorium. Right across the little cul-de-sac there. And wouldn't you know, the guy that runs the crematorium works late on Friday nights, and he happens to be a good friend of Bert's. What's his name? Ernie. Bert and Ernie. I love it. Now there's a weird subtext here with Ernie. Did you pick up on it? It's never overtly stated, but if you kind of look at the clues, you can kind of get it. His name is Ernie Kaltenbruner. Okay. He carries a Luger.

All right. He's got platinum blonde hair. Okay. Do you think he's a... Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. He's an ex-Nazi hiding out in America? That's exactly the subtext. He's listening to Wagner, and at one point he makes a comment about running a lot of ovens in his day. Wow. Yeah. I never picked up on that. It's not over.

It all makes sense now. It's there. So... Sure got rid of his accent pretty good. Yeah. He's very good at hiding. So they... cut up the body into all these different pieces, and they wheel him over to Ernie's place, the... funeral home attached to the cemetery. And Bert goes in first and Ernie draws his Luger on him because I guess we have a problem with people breaking into the funeral home late at night. Yeah, he just has a holster when he's embalming someone.

Always wearing it right. Holy shit. Bert goes in and he's like, hey, you know, Ernie, we're pretty good friends, right? Yeah, so... Look, I got a batch of rabid weasels out here. I was thinking I'd just stick them in the oven there. What do you say? It's like, rabid weasels? What? No, God, are you serious? Well, that's inhuman. You can't put anything alive in an oven. I got a...

fucking warehouse full of... Unless they're Jews. Split dog. And that's how we got canceled. Well, that's what... That's the subject. That's what he's going for, yes. But...

Yeah, no, he's like, that's just a new man. I tell you what, I'll take him out in the parking lot, I'll shoot him all, and then there you go. So he's like, well, no, yeah, tell you what, here, let me just open one of these bags, and it's... fucking arm and it's you know scrambling around and it grabs Ernie's pant leg oh shit get this fucking thing off me now we cut back to our kids who are still partying and they see

Frank and Freddy taking this stretcher full of body parts across the parking lot to Ernie's place. They can't tell it's zombie body parts, but... They're like, oh, that's Freddy? Yeah, okay. Must be time for him to go. So Tina starts walking towards the medical warehouse to meet her boyfriend. Excellent. Inside the crematorium...

Eventually, Ernie agrees to roast these zombie body parts. So he puts them all in the oven, turns it on. Everybody's freaking out. Frank and Freddy are not doing too good. No. They are coughing a lot. And they are very pale and they look very sweaty too, but they're like shivering. Nothing good has happened with those dudes. They roast the zombie parts. The smoke comes out of the smokestack.

Travels right over the cemetery where a freak thunderstorm basically dumps all of the chemicals onto the cemetery. And now, Dusty. It's party time. It is go time. The kids there, unfortunately, are... Just still parting, but they're getting hit with this rain, and I guess it burns a little bit. Trash. It burns. It burns. So they go run into Suicide's car, put the top up. He's got a convertible. Everything's cool for a minute, but then somehow Scuzz manages to ripple.

hole in the uh the roof so they haul ass out of there uh frank and ernie are like high five or burton ernie are actually high fiving each other about what a great job they did blowing up this corpse um They look over and Frank and Freddy are just kind of... Starting to lock up. Really bad headache, and they are not looking good at all. They are taking on the zombie pallor, sunken in eyes. They're still talking, though.

They're not chasing people around yet, so good for them. We've got a few minutes anyway. Now we're going to cut back to Tina, who has made her way into the Unita Medical Warehouse.

She sees the fucking crime scene that's gone on there. Shit's all knocked over, big mess. She's like, Freddy! Sees Freddy's weird... stove top hat or whatever you call that laying on the ground so she uh decides to go down to the basement and have a little sneak peek and this is where we find tar man more brains uh this guy's disgusting He's the original zombie that was in the 245 trioxin tank. In the barrel, yeah. Yeah, he looks like he's been hit with... Patient zero zombie, basically.

Yeah, yeah. I always wondered what happened to the other guys that were in, because this is like three or four tanks down there. Well, they were all sealed still, so they didn't get out. I mean, the gas didn't affect them because they're sealed in the canister. At the end of the movie, well they're all yeah so at the end of the movie everybody yeah pretty much so uh

Tarman starts chasing Tina around. She goes hauling ass upstairs but goes through the third stair. But Tarman kind of like cuts her off so she hides in a metal wall locker and barricades herself in. In the meantime, our party goers have also hauled ass to the warehouse thinking they can at least get out of the weird acid rain. They get in there and they hear Tina scream from the basement. So they all go running down to the basement.

And that's where suicide gets his brains eaten by Tar Man. Yep. I had much higher hopes for suicide. I thought maybe he might be our hero of the day. Ah, he's too angry for that. Clearly. But, well, good. Good for him, I guess. Suicide is out of the equation. Everybody sees Tar Man. Quickly realize we have somewhat of a problem here. So we all haul ass upstairs and lock the door. Locking Tar Man in the basement. Excellent.

Unfortunately, outside, the rain is now trickling down into the graves in the cemetery and all the zombies are starting to pop up. The kids are looking out the windows going, oh shit, what do we do? They see the lights on over at the creek. crematory across the way so they're thinking okay let's haul ass over there uh maybe freddie's over there he's got a car he can get us out of here so unfortunately i guess in order to do that they have to go through the cemetery

Well, yeah, when they were taking the body over, they actually had to walk through the cemetery, too. Yeah. Remember, they were saying, hey, is that Freddy? No, the first time they walked the body over. So, obviously, you have to walk either down. No, it's down that lane where all the cops show up. Yeah. I mean, it's kind of adjacent to the cemetery. It kind of looked to me like a cul-de-sac where the cemetery was on the very back end and maybe the warehouse and then the crematory. I don't know.

Anyway, they go hauling ass through the cemetery about halfway through. Casey and Chuck are like, they get somehow spun around or like the zombies corner them. So they haul ass back to the warehouse. Spider and Scuzz keep going through the cemetery to the crematory and pour trash. She slips in the mud and then instead of getting up and hauling ass, she just kind of gets up and starts wiping the mud off and then she gets swarmed by old men putting their mouths on her. Yep.

just biting her. Oh, I wonder how many times she came while those zombies were eating. Oh, you dirty old... Oh, God! Oh, I want to get away! Death by your kink. Go ahead and bite me again! Oh, you nasty, nasty girl. Somewhere out there, Trash's dad is just slowly putting his head in his hands. Oh, no, because he probably took off on her a long time ago. I hope so, because wherever he is, you know, oh, that was my baby. You know, I coached her soccer team for two years. Oh, no, no.

That's not Trash's dad. No, it is not. Trash's dad is wearing a wife beater at somebody else's house, kicking a dog on his way in from his job at the plant. Trash's stepdads are probably under indictment for this. Yes, this is probably

what happened. Now something we glazed over that I probably should have mentioned that was about I don't know, a quarter away through all of this bullshit, we actually cut to a military base in San Diego where we have Colonel Glover and his wife, who appears to be at least 40 years older than him. they are living in like a palatial estate. I can tell you what kernels make. It's not that much.

Well, he was a special colonel. All that equipment he had, he probably worked for some kind of a black ops deal. I would imagine, yeah. But he has to check in because him and his... uh outfit have been looking for these uh barrels for quite some time and they're expecting one of them to break and when it does it's going to be a huge problem but he's got a containment and a uh like some safety protocol protocols lined up in case and when it does

Okay, well, that's reassuring, but that's San Diego and we're in Louisville, Kentucky. All right, fair enough. Now, back at the medical warehouse, Casey and Chuck are kind of... Okay, they try to get into, they see that there's a phone in the office, so they go in there to call the police. As soon as they get in there, a zombie jumps through the window. Now, they close the door and lock it.

There's a glass window on the door. This zombie in particular has shown a penchant for jumping through glass. Okay. Okay, so I was thinking the same thing. How many times I've watched this. Sure. But then you realize when you look at it, it's one of those windows that were on like – The PE door or something like that were reinforced with wire mesh so that in case it does break, it's not going to...

Break it through. Yeah. Okay. Okay. I'll buy that. Yeah. I don't know. Like I said. Sure. I've analyzed this thing way too much. Yeah. We're thinking way too much about this. We're going to cut back to... The Frank, Bert and Ernie, they're at the crematory. They have called the paramedics for Freddie and Frank because they don't look too bad, too good. Paramedics show up. They start taking vitals on Freddie and Frank. They're dead.

Yeah. Hey, Phil, can I borrow your stethoscope, please? Mine's not working real well. Sure. Let me borrow your blood pressure machine there because I think something's wrong with mine. Yeah. We might need to get another thermometer over here, too. Yeah. Bill, can I talk to you for a second? Just real quick over here. Just a little sidebar. No blood pressure, no pulse on these dudes. Right. What do you mean no blood pressure, no pulse?

I love these. These two actors are ridiculous. Oh, gosh. All the moaning and whining and crying and good night. Don't touch me in. I love him. Oh, my God. I don't know if there's like a Academy Award you can get for just dude in pain. These guys should have got it. Oh, yeah, definitely. 1985, dudes in pain. They convey that very well. Even though a bit of a on the pussy side of it. That's the kind of sounds my dad would make whenever I ask to borrow money.

Okay, all right, Dad. Jesus fucking Christ. Never mind. So that's gnarly. The paramedics are like, dude, well, clearly you're not dead, so that's good. But there's something wrong with you, and our instruments aren't picking it up. Tell you what, we're going to go out to the ambulance. We're going to get some stretchers, and we're going to get you guys to the hospital.

They go out to the ambulance and immediately get swarmed by zombies. Really cool scene here because paramedic number two sees the zombie horde, starts walking back. And I don't know what extra it was that played that particular zombie. But he must have been like a free safety in the NFL. Because he just boom! Just tackled the shit out of him. Yeah, good lord, buddy.

That was the second ambulance I pulled up. Was it? Yeah, I remember the first guys got... Oh, that's right. Amputee zombie. Yes. Who does that fun little... Played by... By a little person. Yes. He's got a fun little wiggle. Oh, my gosh. I giggle every time I watch that part. Yeah. Well, actually, that was when – the amputee zombie was when Ernie came out to –

I think he was going to get in the ambulance or something, but that's when he realized, okay, we've got a problem here. Now, Scuzz and Tina and Spider are banging on the door, and they're like, oh, my God, you've got to help us. Ernie runs up there with his Luger, and he's like, are you high? Are you doing PCP? And, no, you motherfucker, let us in. So he lets him in, and then...

Bert comes around. He's like, hey, what the hell's going on? And they're like, oh, there's crazy people coming out of the ground in the cemetery. There's like a hundred of them. A hundred? Oh, shit. And by the way, there's one in the medical supply warehouse also. Oh, shit. Shit. Shit! Boy, is Bert pissed about this whole thing. I think his days of medical supply dealing are over. Oh, yeah. That's a little bit... Yeah, that's understandable. There's no covering that up anymore. No way.

Here comes the zombies towards the crematory. So good news. The back room where the actual oven is and all that stuff has steel shutters. Great. We're pretty safe there and a big heavy steel door. uh unfortunately though the zombies are now like coming in through the chapel windows so we real quick gotta like barricade them up using various furniture and stuff like that uh in doing so um One of the windows that they're boarding up gets loose.

and Scuzz gets pulled through, and he fights his way back, and then he gets pulled through again, and when he comes back, he's got a zombie attached to his head, and blood is just squirting out and spraying all over. And then Spider chops. Chops that zombie in half. In half. Yeah. And it drags it in with him. Yes. Okay, bad news. There's half a zombie inside now with us. Good news.

We have a certified Nazi here who is willing to interrogate the zombie. Okay. You will tell me where you come from, Fraulein. We have questions. So that's an interesting choice, but these zombies can talk. And we know that because once the first set of paramedics get killed, one of the zombies hops on the radio to the ambulance, send more paramedics. Oh, shit, man.

That's some scary shit. So, yeah, the zombies are definitely intelligent. Yeah, they're smart. They run, goddammit, which to me seems like they're breaking the rules a little bit. And they can talk. And they can problem solve. Oh, yeah. We didn't talk about the chain. The fucking rigged pulley system. Tarman must have been an engineer. Yes. Because he's got like this crank and pulley system.

He's using to open the doors to pry Tina out of her wall locker when suicide busts him. And then, well, the rest is history. In the meantime, Scuzz is dead. Scuzz, by the way, played by an actor named Brian Peck. He is the only actor to appear in all three of the first three Return of the Living Dead movies.

Really? He was Scuzz in this one. In Return of the Living Dead 2, he was like three different zombies. And in Return of the Living Dead 3, he was one of the lab technicians that was in that weird underground place. Taking shots at the zombie in the... Yeah, with that weird freeze gun or whatever it was. Another fun fact about Brian Peck, indicted several times on child molestation charges. Oh, lovely. And featured heavily in that Nickelodeon...

Oh, the kids thing or whatever it was? Yeah, yeah. Creepy dude. Creepy dude. Anyway. Back to the... He's out of the equation now, unfortunately. Which brings me to an interesting question. His brain did not actually get eaten, yet he died with a zombie bite. Theoretically, he should have... Well, none of them came back. All the ones that were bitten, none of them came back. The only ones that did, oh, but Trash did.

Trashed it. Suicide didn't, but I assume it's because his brain was actually out. Oh, I gotcha. Scuzz, I guess, just got a free pass. I don't know. All right, anyway. I thought the reason that Trash came back was because she died outside and it was still raining with the... trioxin in it. Sure. So I thought that's why she was resurrected. That makes sense. Because none of the other people that got bit ever come back.

True. But you're right. Majority of them, their brains are gone. Brains are gone, except for Scuzz. Right. And, I mean, they were outside, so I'm sure they still had the rain on them. I don't know. Let's not get too crazy here, Dusty. Okay, that's nasty, but now we get to ask this half a zombie questions. Brains, brains, brains, brains. Why do you eat brains? They make the pain go away. What? I can feel myself rot.

That's pretty gnarly. Pretty gnarly. Which will explain why Frank and Freddie are being a couple of bitches. Oh, yeah. Because it hurts. Yeah, of course. Real bad. That's rigor mortis setting it. Fuck that. That's pretty scary. Now things are starting to escalate even more. We're thinking about, okay, here comes another thing of paramedics. They get out, of course, immediately get swarmed by zombies.

Here comes some cops. They get out. Manage to get a couple of shots off. They immediately get swarmed by zombies. Zombies then call more paramedics and more cops. Here comes like eight cop cars. As soon as the doors open, it's like an ambush on both sides. There's a fucking helicopter going, holy shit. Yeah. All right. Oh, fuck. They set up an ant. Yeah, exactly. It was a perfect ant. They're all lining the street. Yeah. The little road. They're all dead. Now we have like six or eight.

Undead cops and paramedics to add to this mad mob. About this time is when Trash wakes up. She comes, you know, very elegantly out of the mud. And now she's like this pristine white. In the middle of all of this chaos, there is one homeless dude.

Completely oblivious. Wrong place, wrong time. Well, first off, how did you not hear all the screaming and the fucking, you know, all the banging and all that shit? He's a hobo. He doesn't care about anything. I think this was the stinkiest guy in Kentucky.

And that's why the zombies left him alone, except for Trash, who didn't understand that you don't eat the stinky guys yet, because she's still a new zombie, right? She's got to learn. She hadn't been through orientation yet. Zombie training wheels. Yeah, you know, you've got to start small. She just went right after him and ate him. she's a zombie now she's still hot and she's still naked um so that's pretty gnarly back inside

Okay, yeah, we got some zombies here, and Frank and Freddy are fucking fucked. So I think it's best if we get them the hell away from us, just in case. We're just being safe, okay? This isn't insensitive, but we got to be realistic here, people. Yeah, let's... Let's put him in the chapel. Good plan. Tina is still alive. I'm not going anywhere without my Freddy. So they pick him up.

Oh, the moaning and groaning again all the way into the chapel. They get him in there. I love Ernie's assessment. He's like, let me lift your shirt up. He's like... Yeah. See the bruising? That's pooling up. Yeah, yeah. You're dead. Hey, Bert, you know what? He's dead. Rigor mortis. That's what that is. And he is dead. Rigor mortis. What do you mean, rigor mortis?

uh they get him in the chapel everything's cool and right about well tina decides to stay in there with him nasty as they're backing out uh Zombie time here in the chapel. Freddy goes full zombie. I need to eat your brains. At this point, we're down to Bert, Ernie, and Spider. Yeah.

Ernie throws some acid in Freddy's eyes, which makes him look even more heavy metal in a way, the way they kind of melted shut. He kind of looked cinnabitish, you know, when the eyes are just, you know. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. And, yeah, he's just like foaming it. the mouth he's all jacked off um they go hauling ass out of there uh they run back to the uh crematory with the big heavy metal door uh

Somehow in all of this, Ernie gets his leg broken. I'm not sure. I think it was when he was boarding up one of the doors. It was when he was boarding up the chapel door trying to keep Freddie in. Yeah. They had a pew or a bench out there. Okay. Trying to get it up there, and I think Spider dropped it on his foot or something like that. Oh, shit. Days without industrial accident. Zero. Right back to zero. Fuck.

So that sucks. He can't walk. Well, I mean, he can walk, but he's kind of hobbling. He definitely can't run. Now our tied-up zombie is going back into zombie mode. Brains, brains, brains, brains. Spider loses it for a second. I'm going to bust it in a damn head. Everybody restrains him. We have to figure a way out of this. So the big idea is one of the cop cars out there still has the engine running.

Obviously, Ernie's not going anywhere. Tina is a little on the shaky side herself. So Ernie and Tina are going to stay there. In the midst of all of that chaos, Frank manages to kind of just... He still has his faculties, I guess, so he just kind of walks out of the chapel and loads himself right up into the old oven and burns himself up. What a swell dude. Frank, I mean, this is all his fault, but...

You know, he at least had the common decency to not chase anybody or do any of that dumb shit. He couldn't deal with the rigor mortis pain anymore. You know what? I'll take it. I'll top in the... Well... That seems like it hurt a little bit more. I was going to say, yeah, just shoot me in the head, but apparently that doesn't work either. So I guess you don't really have a lot of options. You don't. Just hop in the old oven there.

So that's gnarly, but now we got this plan. Bert and Spider are going to haul ass to the cop car, pull it up to the door, Ernie and Tina are going to hop in, and off they go. That's the big plan anyway. Alright, in case that doesn't work, there's a crawl space in the ceiling.

Ernie's thinking they can get up there and kick the ladder over. There's no way a zombie's going to be able to climb. And if they don't figure out the ladder thing, they won't be able to get in there. So that should be a safe spot, right?

Off Spider and Bert go. They get in the car. They go hauling ass. They're immediately swarmed by zombies. They can't make it to the door. They didn't really even try, to be honest with you. They just kind of, oh, no, we can't do this. No, hell no. Bert was driving. He said, fuck them. I'll send help.

Spider's like, we got to go back and get him. He's like, we'll get out of here and then we'll come back. We'll send help. So the plan is they just go hauling ass through the cemetery gates into that cul-de-sac looking. alley thing where there's another mob of zombies running towards him. Now, you probably could just punch the gas and mow right through him. Bert says, no way. He's going to make a quick right and end up... crashing into his own warehouse uh okay that's gnarly not the

Best idea, but okay. Out goes Bert and Spider into the warehouse and lock the door. Good news, Casey and Chuck are still there, and they're doing pretty good, all things considered. Back at the crematorium.

Ernie and Tina have made their way up into the ceiling and barricaded themselves in. Freddy, I guess, can smell Tina's brains. And he's downstairs having himself a dandy of a time. I guess he broke his hand completely off somehow. But he got... the ladder set up which is pretty impressive not just for a zombie but a blind zombie oh yeah that's takes some real

Intuitive thinking. That is very good zombying. Thinking outside the box. Yep. And he's running, talking all his shit to Tina. Are you going to let me eat your brains? Ernie's having some serious thoughts about shooting Tina. Yep. I don't know what that's going to accomplish. Were you going to feed her to Freddie? I think you were just trying to be like, well, you know, take her out, then I'll take myself out. Mercy killing? Yeah. Okay, I'm into that.

Across the street, fucking Bert and Spider and Casey and Chuck are kind of hanging out. Oh, well, we got to... There's a phone in the basement. You can't go in the basement. There's one of those things. Oh, there's a phone in the office. There's another fucking thing in the office. All right. God damn it, I'm sick of this shit. Spider, open that door. I'm going to knock its block off. Here's the fun part. Tar Man comes out. Bert hits Tar Man in the head with a bat. Home run.

Tar Man's head flies off and hits Casey in the leg. Luckily, she's not hurt. They get down to the... the basement and start get on the phone with the cops the cops have like a full barricade outside and the zombies are running at them and the captain's like what the hell's going on in there and he's like there's a bunch of nutsacks in the cemetery they'll kill you and eat you

just as the zombies rush the police line. All the cops, of course, immediately get killed by the zombies. So then Bert thinks, well, what do I got to lose? I might as well call this 800 number stenciled on the side of the tank. He calls them. They patch him through to Colonel Glover in San Diego, who apparently has various domestic artillery sites all over the United States. That's a little alarming.

I thought he was a black ops guy. I don't know. Why do we have artillery pointed at our own major cities? In case anything ever gets out of hand, Darian. Can't let it spread from one city to another. Good thinking. That's good thinking right there, Dusty. Sacrifice the few to save the mini. Yeah. Colonel Glover gets on the horn with an artillery outfit somewhere outside of Denver, I think. And they lock on coordinates.

Let fly right towards this cemetery in Louisville, and kaboom. It's cool, though, because right before the shells come raining down, you hear the shh, and all the zombies look up, and mushroom cloud. What do we got? 20 square blocks destroyed less than 4,000 dead. But then it starts raining again. And it's the same thing, right? So the nuke incinerated all the bodies, which are going up in smoke into the rain cloud, creating...

More zombies. But that's where our story ends for tonight, Dusty. Yep. That is Return of the Living Dead from 1985. It's a classic, dude. I know you loved it. Yep. I love it. I hate to say it, but if I was going to dress up as one of these dudes for Halloween, I think I would have to be Scuzz. Yeah. I don't have the build for suicide. I'm not black. I'm definitely not dressing up as Chuck.

So that just leaves Scott. Maybe Freddie. Maybe I could be Freddie. You could be Freddie. I could be Freddie. Sure. I don't think I could talk my wife into being Tina, though. I don't think I could talk mine into being trash. She's got the hair. She's got the hair color. All she needs, well. I don't know. Maybe she could put it in a cap or something. I don't know. Good show. It's streaming 2B and...

Shudder, also, if anybody's interested, I know you've seen it. Check it out again. I will warn you, however, though, this franchise has one of the steepest... Downward turns after this movie in franchise history, I'd say. Return of the Living Dead 2 was... Basically a kid's version of Return of the Living Dead 1 with a lot of slapsticky humor and cheeky things. You have Tom Matthews and James Caron basically reprising their roles, but not as them as grave robbers in a weird way somehow.

that makes sense uh return of the living dead 3 was basically a bon jovi music video with uh one zombie chick return of living dead 4 was when they tried to go all resident evil on us and do something in Eastern Europe. Return of the Living Dead 5 was when they went to a rave and tried to make that make sense. And now, from what I understand, we have a new Return of the Living Dead movie coming out in a couple months.

It's going to take place six months after the events of the original Return of the Living Dead. Really? It's going to be a Christmas movie. Stop it. Featuring Tar Man. Really? Yeah, you can watch the trailers. Okay. I'm interested. It can't get any worse than it already has. Yeah, so they're basically going to retcon it in terms of what actually happened to Louisville when they dropped the bomb. That's my understanding. I hope so. It looks...

I mean, like I said, it can't get any worse than Rave to the Grave. That was poop. Yeah, I didn't even watch that. Don't even bother. Don't waste your time. Let's take us a little break here, Dusty. All right. Hey, inmates. If you like what you hear, head over to the Padded Room Facebook group and support us through the patron link with a small monthly donation. Check out the T-Villain link at paddedroom.podbean.com and grab some t-shirts.

Thanks for listening and enjoy the rest of the show. And we are back, Dusty. Yep. Yeah, buddy. Well, I think it's time for us to announce the big fight, sir. All right. It's Terradome time. Championship. No tears, please. It's a waste of good suffering. Let me finish my sentence. I said, I'm not gonna hurt you. I'm just gonna bash your brains. I'm gonna bash them right the fuck in. I'll kill you all. I'll try to be crazy.

dream come true six-year-old child with this blind pale emotion face the blackest eyes To the TerraDome. For the championship of 2024. In singles competition, we have the Maniac Cop versus Dracula. The laptop computer sat still in the dark room. Dozens of tabs open, all with articles out of North America, New York City to be exact. The headlines read, Unstoppable Killer, Rogue Cop Strikes Again, and Madman Pronounced Dead for the Third Time.

They all detailed the crimes and killing spree of a renegade police officer, Matthew Cordell. Vlad read on as the news reported Cordell being stabbed, beaten, shot, set on fire, and even run over by an NYPD paddy wagon just to get up and continue killing. The prince had spent centuries under the impression that he was the only one of his kind, the only true immortal. Now this news from the new world brings him hope of another.

The articles could be false or mistaken. Either way, Vlad had nothing but time and questions. Perhaps Cordell could provide some answers. Singles competition, Dusty. It's the Maniac Cop versus Dracula. That's a good one. What do you think? I don't want to go first. I'm going to go ahead and put Tom Hardy down because he made his opinion known. He made his vote. That's two for the Maniac Cup. What do you think, sir?

I am going with Dracula. Okay. I mean, I just, he's got so many other abilities. He does. Turn into mist, you know. Animals, bats. There's a lot. A lot. There's a lot there. I just think he could hold his own. Oh, no. I know he could easily. There is one edge that the maniac cop has. Which is? Daylight. Very true. That's why I think I got to go with the maniac cop on this one. I'm going to take the maniac cop. Dusty's got Dracula.

That's your Terradome Championship for 2024. It's the Maniac Cup, Matthew Cordell versus Dracula. Get us your votes by next week if you can. Inmates, the mental health hotline is area code 775-387-0275. Or just head on over to paddedroompodcast.com, hit the Tarot Dome link or the mail link. Or do some fun stuff with my picture. You can put it on a hot dog. You can put it on a black man's penis. You can put it on...

Various adult film actresses, as we've seen. I can be very attractive in a skimpy little two-piece. Oh, yeah. Red. Red is definitely your color. Red is definitely my color. I agree. You can do all kinds of fun stuff there at paddedroompodcast.com. Head on over there. Let us know what you think. In the meantime, Dusty, we've got to tell you what movies we've got to watch this week in a segment called What Are You Looking At? Yep.

What are you looking at? Oh, Dusty. How about a movie called Do Not Disturb from 2022? Do Not Disturb, okay. It just popped up on Shudder. Okay. Good one. What you got is the world's most unhappy couple on their honeymoon. Get a discount on a honeymoon package. End up at a swingers resort.

Okay. Do way too much drugs and naturally bloodshed ensues. All right. There's some funny moments because like the way they come about the drugs is... comic their reaction to the drugs is very comic um i don't think they The husband knew it was a swingers resort, but the wife didn't. Ah, the old switcheroo. Yeah, kind of a move going on. It's interesting. I'll tell you that. The ending is a kick in the nuts. Yeah, yeah. A lot of sexy. Make sure the kids are asleep before you put that one on.

That's all I had time for this week. All right. What do you got? Anything? I had very little time as well. We had not one but two volleyball tournaments this weekend. So over the hill one and then here in town one. So I didn't get to watch much. But. The Red Queen and I did go see The Monkey on Friday. What did you think of that? We really liked it. It was fucking awesome. That's more of a comedy, too, for what I'm hearing. Oh, yeah, for sure.

For sure. It's bananas. Just the kill scenes and everything. It was great. I really liked it. It's definitely worth a watch. And we made the mistake. Of going to the 5.20 p.m. show. Okay. Which was somehow the senior discount showing or something of the order. Okay. All right. Nothing but old people. Okay. In the theater with us. The couple that were two seats down from us, the old man, I think he had a couple Chardonnays before they came in. Attaboy. Because, okay, you know the trope of...

in a packed audience of horror fans, or watching a horror movie, and there's always one loud lady, usually. Okay. Well, the old man, he took the cake on this one. Oh, my God. I couldn't stop fucking laughing. Oh, great. Every... Every time he had to throw in his commentary and it wasn't quiet. I think he had problems with his ears because every time an outlandish death scene, Oh shit. And it was loud. Nice. And so.

We were just giggling our asses off. That's good. And, oh, yeah, it was every time. You could... like clockwork oh god damn i don't know if he knew yeah what he was getting into when they went to go watch the movie yeah yeah my the red queen's theory is that It was people that were Stephen King fans that thought that it was going to be like the book, which it was nowhere near like the book. It was, I mean, in the book, the...

The deaths are very, could be chalked up to accident or natural causes, if you will. This thing, I mean, they're obviously accidents, but they're more in line with... The Final Destination stuff. Mousetrap. Exactly. Mousetrap. Yeah. And some of them were just fucking hysterical. Nice.

No, it was good. I really liked it. I would highly recommend that one for people to go watch it. One of the last movies I got to see... My father passed away in 2009. And one of the last movies he and I got to see in a movie theater together was... The first paranormal activity. Go on like a Tuesday. It's like lunchtime. I'm thinking we're probably going to have the place to ourselves. It's going to be awesome. We go in there and...

Like 10 minutes into the movie, in walks these three old guys. And they sit. Okay, fine. They sit. They're together, but they don't sit together. One of them has to sit up front because he can't see too good.

And then there's, like, two that go way in the back. So, okay, these three old guys. About halfway. Now, you've seen Paranormal Activity. Oh, yeah. Especially in the theater. I don't know if you saw it in the theater. Yes, we did. So, like, the scenes where Katie is standing over Noah while he's asleep. Uh-huh.

And you get that drone, like that silent drone, and it just... she's just looking down at him the fucking guy up front gets a phone call and it's from it's from somebody trying to he does not get off the phone he does he takes the call and it's somebody trying to sell him insurance, and this lady keeps him on the phone for like 10 minutes. No, my sister handles all that. You've got to talk to my sister. Oh, my God.

That's good. Fortunately, at like rounding out minute three of him explaining to this lady on the phone that he's got to talk, me and my dad are just laughing. Oh, yeah. You tell him, Irv. Yeah, his sister does all that. You don't talk to him. What point in life, I'm waiting for it to happen, do you basically give zero fucks about anybody around you?

I'm on the road. I'm going 15 fucking miles an hour if I want to. My blinker's on. And I don't give zero fucks. You go around me. Go around. You go around. I'm fucking getting to where I'm getting. Oh, I look forward to that. You don't even hear the car horns anymore. Oh, no. Just in your own world. Maybe you could run for president or something. Right on, man. Well, I'm glad you enjoyed the show.

How about a little, speaking of shows we didn't enjoy, here comes Immersion Therapy. Oh, fucking hell. Immersion Therapy would like to apologize at this time for... I was this close to calling you. It was a bad... Oh, you should. I called myself. Fuck. Yeah, Dusty's going to punch me in the face. Um... I don't know what to tell you, man. This movie was bad. It is a very poor reimagining... At this point, it's basically plagiarism of a much better movie that came out in 20...

14 called Would You Rather starring Jeffrey Combs and the dude that plays the penguin in Gotham. That's exactly what the Red Queen was saying. She's all, this is fucking trash. She walked out. I was like, well, honey, I got to watch it. It's my homework. I'm not going to tell the boss no. No. I powered through it. It bored me to tears. That's what she said. I said...

The same thing. She's all, this is fucking would you rather. I'm like, I know. No, it is. It exactly is. Just without any, like, would you rather at least had like some brutality and some, you know, there's some uncomfortable moments like with the fucking pain sticks or whatever. whatever but this was just uh why wait well wait okay i get what you're going for

Do you have to take two scoops of LGBTQ and shove it up our asses? Oh, yeah. Because you laid it on pretty fucking thick. Now, I don't mind characters being gay or trans or whatever. But really the entire, like 90% of the story was this dude trying to hook up with that dude and he got cheated on by some other dude and the dude on dude. And then here comes our quote unquote host who I think went by him.

Oh, yeah. He said you could call me sir. But I don't – whatever, dude. Yeah, let's just not go down that road. That's a whole basket of worms right there. All in all, it's not that great. You want to see a good movie in the vein of this, watch Would You Rather. Jeffrey Combs does a great job. I agree. If you're interested, though, if we've piqued your curiosity, Most Horrible Things is still streaming on Prime.

I think they had to change the name because then I was looking at it. Love Hurts. Love Hurts, yes. That's what it comes up under IMDb. Yes. And I'm looking at it, I'm like, what the fuck did this thing score? Now I'm curious. What did it score? It was like a 4.3 or something. I don't know. Well, that's probably the cast and crew and all of their friends and families jacking it up. Or the people that were just like, yay, go power. We like gays.

It was so riveting and just spoke to me. Just wonderful. Love hurts guts. A whopping 3.5 stars. That's still pretty fucking generous, but it was only reviewed by 14 people. Oh, okay. So that makes sense. That's probably the cast and crew. Right. It's bad, man. It's bad all the way around. Don't bother is what I say.

Dusty, what do you think? I'm going to hand you the keys because I feel like I should be fired from immersion therapy. No, I don't think you need to be fired, but maybe just take a break. Take a time out. Go sit in the corner. Okay. Yeah, yeah. Just maybe a week or two. Okay. No, I'm fine. I fully admit it. I was wrong. What do you got for us, Dusty? Let's do Little Bites. It just dropped on Shudder. It's Spider-1's new movie. Awesome. 2024. Look forward to it. In a...

Desperate attempt to protect her 10-year-old daughter, a young widow allows a nightmarish monster to slowly eat her alive. And like I said, you'll find this guy on Shudder. Check that shit out, inmates. We'll do the same in Compare Notes next week. But now, we must find out who Daddy is. Who is Daddy? Last week, my clues from last week, I am a butler in a very...

Very affluent estate. Unfortunately, the master of the estate has recently passed away. And now here comes all of his siblings and his kids to come for the reading of the will. Well, turns out he may not be as dead as we think he is, but then he might get dead again. And in the meantime, a bunch of these kids and fuckface uncles and aunts are going to start dying also.

Believe it or not, this is actually a comedy called One Body Too Many. And if you haven't figured it out yet, inmates, next week is going to be Bela Lugosi Month. Starting it off. Starting it off. We're going to start it off with the original. The OG, original gentleman of horror, Dracula from 1931. All right. So who might I be this week, you ask, now that you know the clue and the key? Well, I am a wealthy landowner, and my...

Assistant, who happens to be a dwarf, is also hanging around with me. A lot of people think I'm some kind of a wizard or a magician or something like that. Luckily, or I guess unluckily for me, traveling band of I guess musicians or performers of some sort happened to break down just outside of my mansion, and now I'm going to make a real game out of scaring the fucking shit out of them.

And they are very scared, too. Who might I be, you ask? Tune in next week, inmates. I'll tell you it's a comedy, if that makes things any easier. Tune in next week and I'll drop some knowledge on you. In the meantime, as I alluded to, join us next week for the original 1931 Dracula kicking off Bela Lugosi month. We do have a Patreon campaign running. If anybody gives a shit, just go to padded.com.

room podcast.com you'll find all the links and information you need there and if you have time throw us a like or a comment or subscribe if you haven't already uh we got another 666 episodes to go there dusty All right. What is 666 plus 666? It would be 12. No, it's 13. 1324. 1324. No. God damn it. Yeah, 1324. I'm going to believe you on that. I think that will be our last episode. I'm not going to live that long. Who the fuck am I kidding? I'll be lucky to see episode 800.

In the meantime inmates I think that's about it for us. Dusty you got anything else on the week? Nope. We do have a little secret plan coming into play later this week. Hopefully have that out to you next week. I'm not going to tell you what. I'll tell you.

But not right now. It's going to be a surprise, motherfuckers. But you're going to love it. I know it. I can feel it. In the meantime, for Dusty, Buddy in absentia. Buddy, by the way. Maybe next week. Maybe not. You never know with that guy. You never know. I told him to come. He didn't come. Buddy in absentia, zombies. Punk rock kids from the 80s. God damn, do I miss them. Do people still dress like that?

No, but they should. I feel like only guys in their 50s and 60s would. Yeah. And even then, it's just, it's like the jacket. You see them if you go to like an ACDC concert or something. And it's like a one night only. And they broke out their leather jackets and leather.

pants that you know they had to grease themselves up to get into. Oh yeah, poured themselves into those things. And they are holding on for dear life. I love them. God bless them. And the Padded Room Podcast. I'm afraid visiting hours are over. I pick my heels and dance as the heat dries I want to know how to survive a nightlife