is on the air my name is darian and i am chihuahua free in 93 thank fucking christ for that huh inmates oh my god my main man dusty's in the house hello what's going on big fella Nothing much. Yeah? Just continuing the life of the shit show supervisor. Shit show supervisor. Yeah. You know, when it comes to the shit show, I feel like you're better off being the low man on the total. I mean, it rolls downhill. Right, right. But at least then you claim no responsibility.
I was just doing what Ted told me to do. I didn't know you were supposed to put the dumpster right side up. I just thought you just put it wherever you want. Right on, man. It's been a week, my friend. Mom is good. Good. I can report that. She's much better. She is out of my house. Perfect. Which is a huge relief. I'll be honest, it was kind of nice having her here. Just, you know, because... We're coming and going. I don't have to worry about the kids. Not all the...
tear down and set up with all of them and getting them situated in the car. Just leave them here with Mom. They're fine. So you're telling me you want to tear down the studio and build her a room right here? No, I don't. Oh, okay. You kind of made it sound like that. No, no, no. I didn't say that. I never said that. I don't know how you got that. No way.
But it's nice to have her and her fucking dog out of here finally. I'm sure she wanted to be out of here just as much as we wanted her out. But, dude, this is not a mother-in-law. quarter house you know what i'm saying yeah a lot of a lot of things to trip over yeah a lot of uh bumping into people and her waking up at 3 30 in the fucking morning and having full conversations with her dog directly in front of my bedroom door
Why? Why would you do that? You got a whole house. Go explore, ma. Go take your dog and go check out the fucking garage. I don't know. Not right now. in front of my bedroom door why would you oh god I'm getting all worked up she wants everybody else to be as awake as she is yeah absolutely 3.30 in the morning well good morning what the fuck
Actually, Mom, it's still nighttime. It is. You see the sun out. No, you don't. God damn it, man. How was your week? What did we miss with you? Nothing much. The volleyball thing was starting to wind down, but then the kid... Made or was the, what did they get? They got the small school champions for the first time in the school history. So that was cool. Nice. Volleyball. That was last Tuesday. Yeah. So that added on another week of practices. All right.
We're supposed to have got to a tournament, which was since canceled because of the snow last Thursday. We don't know if it's going to be going on again. But I was anticipating this week was going to be one volleyball team and just lighten the load. But there's still two. And it's still going. Maybe next week. Let's go. Fingers crossed. Let's go, man. Let's do it. I love it.
Well, big congratulations to Addie. I'm sure she worked very hard for that. Oh, yeah, they were stoked. Right on. Right on. That's a big accomplishment, man. Oh, yeah, it was awesome. She should get her picture like in the school trophy case. Well, they actually got a trophy, and it's one of the only trophies for all the sports. Yeah. It's one of the only trophies they don't have yet is the volleyball champs. Okay. They got that. There it is. They're going to get their...
I don't know if they get their names, but their class year on the banner that hangs in the gym. So that's cool. That's cool, yeah. Yep, they're super stoked. Nice. Very nice. Right on, man. Well, we've got a horror show to get into here, amigo. Nice. We got horror news, listener mail, all kinds of shit coming at us at the speed of light. How about we start it off with a little horror news there, big dog. Sounds good. Horror news. What do you got there, fella?
I got a couple things. So this one's about a week old. I had this for last week's show that we didn't end up coming. So The Monkey comes out this Friday. Correct. Or I guess Thursday if you're doing the early screenings or whatever. And the reviews are swinging in. Okay. And critics are going bananas for
Oh, that's cute. I see what you did there. I didn't write it. That's okay. I'm reading this guy's writing. So, yep, going bananas for Neon's upcoming horror comedy. Buzz suggests the Stephen King adaptation has found The perfect balance of chuckles and chills. Okay. They're saying at this time of this writing, it's got a 90% score on Rotten Tomatoes, but that's only 21 reviews. They're kind of all overwhelmingly positive.
praising it as funny and chaotic. Nice. Looking forward to seeing it. I think the Red Queen and I are going to go watch it Friday night this weekend. Very cool. I'm into that. And then the other thing I had was, I didn't even know, to be honest, that they were doing this. But trailers are up for the new Final Destination movie. Yeah. Final Destination Bloodlines. So the tagline reads...
The Final Destinations Bloodlines trailer sees death claim another unlucky victim who works at a tattoo parlor after getting... Their nose ring caught in a metal chain connected to a ceiling fan. The unfortunate individual then finds himself being thrown into open flames that have erupted within the building.
Okay. Plagued by a violent recurring nightmare, college student Stephanie heads home to track down the one person who might be able to break the cycle and save her family from the grisly demise that inevitably awaits them all. Anyway, I didn't even know this thing was coming out, but supposedly it's coming out May 16th of this year. Fair enough. I don't know. I don't know how I feel about it. That was...
That's something. Something. It is something. I was never that into the Final Destination. No, I think it was a novelty thing. Once you've seen the first one, you kind of get the gist. And it was more of a... Rube Goldberg kill scenes. You're right. How are they going to kill this guy? What fucking marble is going to roll down and trip the goddamn bowling ball, which is going to knock over the fucking whatever?
Exactly. Yeah, I got you. Yeah, well, I mean, who knows? I mean, the opening scene in Final Destination 2. With the truck? Oh, yeah. That is a tough one to beat. Yeah, and that's funny because that is a fear. that my wife has, I'm not allowed to drive anywhere near a logging truck. I won't do it. Anywhere near it. Nope. Either hang back or get past them. Go around. I'm not hanging behind you, dude. No way. I've seen that movie. Is that all you got, man? That's all I got.
All right, well, Popeye's Revenge. Yeah, Popeye's Revenge. Is this part of the Pooh-niverse? It is. Well, I don't know if it's part of the Pooh-niverse, but it's made by the same guy who did the Pooh. It's VOD today. Oh, today? Yeah. I'm not... No, no, I'm not going to do it. If it comes streaming on something that I've already got, I might just out of morbid curiosity. I will say, I've seen the stills and the Popeye character looks fucking...
Very. He looks like the juggernaut, really. Oh, really? I think they really... Beefed him up? Yeah. All right, whatever. Go fuck myself, I guess. The day the earth blew up. Are you excited for this? I haven't even heard of this. Starring Daffy Duck and Porky Pig. Stop it. No, Looney Tunes horror movie. Stop it. Looney Tunes horror movie, Dustin. Animated? Yeah. Oh, wow. Oh, yeah, of course.
Coming out later this year. Okay. It's going to be family friendly. It's probably going to have a bunch of slapstick humor. Yeah. I actually, to this day, can put on a Looney Tunes cartoon and probably chuckle. Oh, yeah. A little bit. the fucking silliness of it. Bugs Bunny is just by far the funniest and just...
The asshole-ness of it. He's a smug prick. Exactly. There you go. That's what I'm looking for. God. I think Elmer Fudd was always my favorite. He's the best. And if there's some kind of a fucking... blood sport type of a, you know, I'm going to hunt you down and kill you kind of thing going on there. Like for real, like maybe he seriously finally gets to kill the rabbit blows that or at least blows the head off of a, uh, I don't know, maybe a neighborhood.
fucking duck or something. I don't know. Some fucking varmint running around the neighborhood. Yosemite Sam. He's going to be a nasty customer in this thing. How about... The Tasmanian Devil. Oh, God. Some kind of werewolf thing running around. Yeah.
Splurring, shooting profanity. His little whirlwind thing he does. Vortex thing, yeah. Do a Mortal Kombat maneuver, and you get in there and just choose everybody up like a blender. I'm on board. I've talked myself into it. I'm excited for this, the day. the earth blew up. You were just playing Mortal Kombat in my living room. Yes, sir. You were using Conan. I was using Conan. Are you ready for Red Sonja? Red Sonja the movie? The movie. I heard they were doing a reboot. Starring Matilda Lutz.
It will only work. That hot piece of ass for revenge. Yes. Woo! Hopefully they keep it in the same vein of all those 80s fantasy type. Conan, Red Sonja, what was that? The Beastmaster. Oh, God. Mark Singer. All these buxom women wearing basically next to nothing. Yes. That would work. I don't know if they do that nowadays, but 80s were the best for that stuff. Oh, it's true. It's true. I got a soft spot for the original Red Sonja.
You had Arnold in there. You had Ernie Reyes Jr. throwing his sidekicks, being a genuine prick the whole time. I never really bought into Brigitte Nielsen. She's tall. And she could wing a broadsword like nobody's business. She was okay back. I mean, like you said, the tall. Yeah. Lethal Weapon 2 and then Rocky 4. Yeah. I mean, she was okay. But, you know. If you're into the strong Amazonian type women.
This might be something that you would be an authority on. Natasha Lyonne is going to star in Joe Hill's Basketful of Heads. I haven't read that one. Is that a book or a short story? I'm not sure. It probably is a short story because he doesn't have many full novels. He's done a couple.
Short stories and stuff like that. Yeah, those anthologies. Anthologies. And he's been in a couple other compilations of short stories. Yeah. But he doesn't have that many of his own full-length novels. You got, what, The Fireman? Heart-shaped box. Heart-shaped box was my favorite. It was a good one. Horns.
I know that's 482. Horns was all right. Horns was pretty good. It was original. I always thought it was more of a comedy. Well, the book was a little more, I mean, the movie with Radcliffe didn't do the book justice. Not really. It was still pretty good. Yeah.
Lastly, it looks like Robert Eggers Nosferatu is going to hit Peacock later next week. Are you going to finally watch it? I'm finally going to watch it. If I can get some goddamn privacy in this house. Just give me a couple hours to myself without anybody yelling at me.
Yeah, you just need the oldest to be old enough to take care of the both of them, and then you and the wife could go watch horror movies. Well, what I can do is just put YouTube on in the fucking bedroom, and they just go in there and veg themselves right out. That's all we got on the horror news, my friend. Here comes some listener mail coming at us. Okay.
Listener mail. Yes, sir. We got emails and voicemails, all kinds of fun stuff going on here, Dusty. Let's kick it off with an email from my number one fan. It's Tony. Oh, boy. Subject line, Darian is just like wrestler Goldberg. Well, thank you very much, Tony. I've been working out. I've been trying to eat better, and I lift some things periodically. What was his signature? Was that big?
Yeah, the spear. I don't know. Flying spear thing. He had his own name for it. I can't remember what it was called. Edge did the same thing. It was called the spear. Rhino did something similar. I think it was called the gore or something like that. I don't know. I haven't watched wrestling in years. He eats corn the long way.
I'm not sure what the hell that has to do with Goldberg, but thank you. Greetings, gentlemen, and Darian. Let's see. Terradome, I will take the Xenomorph. Okay, Tony. Dusty, who do you think would win in a fight between the Maniac Cop and the Xenomorph? I'm going to go Xenomorph. Okay. Go ahead. Be an asshole. I know. I just got to get a win out of here with some of these sci-fi guys. I got you. You already killed my predator. I did, yeah. I think that was Tim's.
character or fighter this year so we need a win for the okay sci-fi guys yeah uh speaking of which no matt no fight tonight guys but because i don't know who's going to face dracula in the championship but we'll get to that later on here fun fact i have a new girlfriend hey good job tony two great qualities about her are that she likes to have sex with me and she hasn't seen a lot of movies
Well, I'm saying one truth and a lie. So we get to have sex and I get to show someone horror movies for the first time. We have a digital wheel. That we put movies on and spin so it decides for us. That's a great idea. That's an awesome idea. I don't know how many times you've been sitting around.
with all the streaming services you have, and you stream around. Our thing is I'll be streaming or looking around for something. By the time you find something, because I kept checking, hey, what about this? What about this? By the time you find something, She's already asleep. And then you get to watch whatever you want. Yeah, that works too. My move is seen it, seen it, seen it, seen it, seen it, seen it, looks dumb, seen it, seen it, seen it, looks dumb, seen it, seen it.
In the end, I end up watching Night of the Living Dead. Something you've seen. 452nd time. This week we watched Species. Man, that movie does not hold up. The CGI is trash. Tentacles out of the nipples. Forest Whitaker's character is useless, but it was a good movie to ease her into horror movies. I'm into that. Right on, Tom.
And then I watched a bunch of other movies. I also watched both Platform and Platform 2. Not really horror, more dystopian. They are fine, worth watching once. They are kind of like Snowpiercer, but in a tower instead of a train. He's right. I never thought of it that way, but yeah, he's right. Didn't they have some pretty good kills? I haven't seen two. I've only seen one. I thought there were some pretty good kills in that. That was okay. I mean, it gets kind of...
I don't know. I don't know what the word is I'm looking for. I then watched Subservient with Megan Fox and my next comment is okay because I already apologized to my girlfriend about it. But if I bought a robot that looked like Megan Fox, of course I did it to fuck it. Yeah. It's a feature of the robot. It has a vagina for that reason. The movie was predictable, but fine.
Haven't seen it yet. If I could buy a celebrity look like sex bot. Ooh. It's going to be a porn star. And I would not. I don't know which one. It would probably be some. Frankenstein of various porn stars creation kind of a thing. Frankenstar? Yeah, Frankenporn kind of a deal.
That's going in the show notes. Frankenporn. Frankenporn. Also watch the M. Night Shyamalan movie Trap. If this is a bigger part of the Unbreakable universe, I can see where they can work it in. And if that's the case, then the movie is fine. If it is a standalone... movie then it's not fine it's below average that's it uh i'm up to 10 movies this year i have a real job that requires me to work instead of watch tv all day god damn it tony
That sucks, man. And that to sexy time. And now I have eight hours and five minutes a day that I can't dedicate to movies anymore. Anyway, until next time, Tony. Okay. Yeah, he's got a picture here. That's cute. That's a good one, Tone. Darian eats corn the long way. Okay, Tony. Well done, sir. Thank you very much for that. Thanks for writing in.
Son of a bitch. He actually loves the show. He won't admit it, but he does. I know he does. We got some voicemails coming in here. Let's start things off with the big man in Alabama. Alan's in the house. How's it going, Alan? God fucking. No. I'm going to edit this out. Don't worry. What's up, dude? Who's your daddy? I'm your daddy because that's easy. You're silent. That is the wrong fucking email. Voicemail right there. Now I've got even more editing to do, Dusty.
What's up? What's up? Everybody's doing well, doing better. The sickness is gone. I think we're okay. Glad y'all made it back from your trip. Thank you, Alan. Oh, God, fucking chihuahuas, man. Yeah. My mother-in-law had one and she died, so now we have one. I'm going to spike that thing like a football. Anyway, Terror Dome, give me Maniac Cop. You got it. And, uh, Mr. Darien, I do believe you are planning on from outer space. You got me. Or you're Ed Wood. Oh, an astute observation. I mean, I...
You know, Ed Wood is about to make a plan out for us, but he's leaning toward plan out for outer space, even though Tor Johnson, as you said, was a retired wrestler, and also George the Animal Seal, who played him in Plan 9, was also a retired wrestler. Very true. You know Vampyra, that's the actress you brought up? She tried to sue Elvira. She kind of got buried. She did. I've looked...
I've looked for clips from her show and stuff. It's pretty hard to find. I'm not even sure if there's any of them out there because how they used to do TV. I've seen stills. Yeah. But Vampyro was fucking cool. She was. Anyway, that's all I got. I'll talk to y'all later. Bye. Beautiful. Take it easy, Alan. Thanks for calling in, Alan. Really, so Vampyro was super. I would... actually venture to say she was hotter than Elvira. But she didn't really...
Like Elvira kind of embraced the cheesiness of the movies and she had those stupid dad jokes that she would roll out. Vampyra kind of took it a lot more serious like these creatures of the night and all that stuff. Yeah. So I think that's what I mean. and she couldn't show the assets that Elvira could, so there's that also. Right on, Ellen. Thanks for calling in. I got you down for the maniac cop. Speaking of maniac cops, here comes Mr. Tom Hardy. Hey-o! What's up, big dog? You did it!
He's fucking playing Plan 9 from outer space, Mr. Brock. Yeah, I'm doing it. I'll do it. What do you think? cop and the xenomorph. Correct. Put me down for the maniac cop. Matthew Cordell's got this one. You know, fucking everybody, think about this. Think about this. If you're thinking about the xenomorph, Remember this. The guy who played the maniac cop, I believe his name is like Dar or something like that. His fucking chin is so enormous. Nobody talks about Bruce Campbell's chin from Maniac.
Yeah, it's true. It overshadowed. That's a battle of change right there. Hold on there, Tom Hardy. Nobody talks about Lee Campbell's chin from Maniac Cop. That's how fucking enormous it is. That's a big chin, dude. And on the What Are You Looking At department, I got to catch a couple of things. I was watching this show late. Lockwood and Company. It's on Netflix. It's a show about basically like ghosts and...
I'll tell you this, if you're looking for something that you can watch with the kids that's still enjoyable, not too scary for younger ones, it's a good one. I'd recommend it. It was actually pretty decent. Okay, right on. Then I just went down a fucking John Carpenter rabbit hole and caught some old fucking favorites, you know. Yeah, what do you got?
Prince of Darkness. My favorite. Fucking love it. Yeah. Big Trouble in Little China. Another good one. And then I caught, you know, there's nothing to say about this. We've all seen them. We all love them. But I did get to catch two new... Okay. Yeah. Sure.
It may actually go great, but pretty darn good. Especially for the time and knowing that the budget was low. Yeah. Man, once you hear that fucking, that theme from Assault on Precise 13, dude, it's just, as soon as you hear it, it's stuck in your mouth. fucking head. I was digging that. Good flick. Highly recommend it. I did get to catch his Memoirs of an Invisible Man. Chevy Chase! Yeah!
It's fun. It's a fun movie. I was good never to have fucking seen it. Oh! Come on. What was it that, uh, his last flick? The Ward. The Ward. That's poop. That one was fucking rough. That's poop. That was a rough one. Yeah. Had no fucking business. But this one here, this was, you know, late 80s, early 90s, something like that. It's John Carpenter. It's fucking Chevy Chase. Yeah. GP.
As he's wont to do. As he is wont to do. Have you seen memoirs of Invisible Man? I'm not mad at that. I actually didn't even realize that was a carpenter, to be honest with you. Yeah, yeah. Probably 60% comedy. And Chevy Chase trying to be in a serious dramatic role. A little fun. A little wacky there. Right on. He did call back.
Here he comes again. G motherfucking P, baby. G motherfucking P. Oh, hell yeah. Hell yeah. That was funny. I was just about to wrap that shit up too, but I don't know, man. It's really, it should have been so fucking good. Maybe I need to watch it. You know. I feel like I'm setting myself up for disappointment. It's supposed to be a comedy, I guess.
But it's not fucking funny. What? And, you know, it's a man, but it's John Carpenter's take of it. So it should have some scares or what have you. It's just fucking funny. I think it's more of a... I think it's listed as a comedy. It's more of a love story. It's not even a horror love story. It's just... I don't know. Stay away.
I think I'd watch the war again. Oh, well, hey, now. Let's not go crazy. Anyway, that's all I've got. Hope all is well. Love you like family. Oh, before I go, Mr. Walker. Okay, yes, sir. Hey, you missed the week last week. I did. You've got to be, like, the most consistent fucking guy. Oh! So, I've got to say, man. Thank you. I get it. Fucking shit happened. It does. It sure does. Anybody giving a shit about it, fuck them, man. You're always consistent. Well, thank you very much.
co-host or you're not feeling well, you always get something out. I'm coming in whether you like it or not, Tom Hardy. Anyway, that's all I got. Love you. Thank you very much. Love you too, Tom Hardy. Right on, man. That's all we got in the listener mail. I feel like I need to revisit memoirs. I haven't seen it in a long time. It's been a long time. But I remember liking it. Yeah. But that doesn't... Could have been a...
younger you like in it or I don't know. Yeah, I don't know. But you were pretty horror pedigreed at the young age of... 10, 9. Yeah, of course. I don't know. I feel like I'm setting myself up for disappointment if I watch it again. Some of those ones, when you watch them for nostalgia's sake, don't hold up. You know what's the worst about nostalgia?
Video games. Oh, yeah. I got the original Castlevania on my stupid emulator. Oh, the hours of my life that I wasted playing this game, and then I play it for 30 seconds. I'm like, what the fuck? Yeah, and it's stupid hard. Yeah, it's damn near unplayable, man. I know. We must have been much more patient children because the games we played when we were younger are way harder than the games we have now.
The only thing that I can think of, like the redeeming quality, this was the move I think a lot of us did. You probably did it also. You go in, you turn on the Nintendo or the Genesis, you turn the volume all the way down on the TV, and then you crank it. up the tunes and you throw yourself into some kind of a weird sugar trance of blips going up and down on the screen that's what it is you can't do that with video games anymore they all have these involved stories
Oh, shit. Even a fighting game like Mortal Kombat. Oh, yeah. You got it. Kill somebody. You've got to listen to all the... All the fun little... That is pretty good. You've got to start playing Conan. He's fun. I'm working on Raiden right now. All right, man. It's movie time. All right. A full moon. A spooky, deserted mansion. Halloween night. All right, dudes! Let's party! Ten kids. All they want to do is raise a little hell. Now, as long as they live.
They'll wonder what's gotten into them. Night of the Demons be the sinners for the day of atonement is at hand stop looking at me That's right, Dusty. It's Night of the Demons from 1988. Yes, it is. Big fella. I got to tell you, I know you're not a cosplayer per se, but what was it, two years ago? Two years ago. Two years ago, you and the Red Queen went to Jason's Halloween party.
as stooge and suzy oh yeah spot on it was good money in the bank it was good it was good yeah uh probably my one of my favorite costumes oh absolutely absolutely It's from 1988. Got 6.1 stars on IMDb. Directed by Kevin Tenney. Written by Joe Augustin. Starring Linnea Quigley, Kathy Pottawell, and other people. Amelia Kincaid. Oh, and Hal Havens. Sometimes I can't read my own handwriting. Jackass. This is easily in my top ten. This is like the 80s horror movie, in my opinion.
I watch it. She gets sick of watching it, but I watch it every year as part of the 31 for 31. You have to, man. So this is the second time I've watched it in a matter of... Months. That a boy. I think I had it memorized. Yeah. This was one of the first VHS tapes I ever bought. There was a kid that went to our high school that worked afternoons at Suncoast Video. Suncoast Video. Remember that place? Oh, I do. He would sell me whatever the hell I wanted.
No questions asked. Walk in there. They didn't have porn, unfortunately. They didn't? I don't think they did. Okay. I think they may have had some of those stupid car wash videos of chicks and wife beaters, but who gives a shit a... I need to see lipstick being shoved into a nipple. Dusty, that's what I need. It's 1988. It's Halloween night.
We have a group of about 10 fuckface kids that are getting ready to go to a party. Now, I have a very important question to ask you, my friend. This could affect... our relationship moving forward, and whether or not you're going to be on this podcast anymore. Okay. Who is the hottest chick in this movie?
Oh, God, and I was thinking about this last night, and I hate to say it. It's a tough one. I hate to say it. Who is it? And just if she would shut up. I am partial to Judy. I'm telling you, like. Dad, I agree. I agree. Pervy little brother, for sure. But when she is getting ready and putting her... Good night. If we could have just, well, all right, we'll get into that. Anyway, no, I agree. Kathy Pottlewell is the actress. And I did a little research. She does not appear nude in any movies.
She was in a recent horror film called Reunion from Hell. I started it. It has a bunch of ambiguous individuals that... a lot of them thing going around. It was because it was a shitty movie. So I just turned it off. But she doesn't look bad. That came out a couple years ago.
we're going to start off with an old man walking down the street. Actually, we're going to start off with a kick-ass animation sequence that has nothing to do with anything, but it's really cool to watch. If I could get that on a loop. A screensaver. Yeah, during Halloween or something. That would be pretty dope. And then we cut to Stu. We've got like –
Three different groups of kids. My favorite, of course, is Stooge, Roger, and Helen, who are driving around, slamming beers, throwing garbage out the window, and mooning random senior citizens. Random old men. Perfect. And they've taken the time to strap a pumpkin to the top of the car, which is probably not safe. In 2025, I'm sure, is some kind of a moving violation of some sort, but 1988. Let's go. This dude didn't look like he did much.
taking care of that car, to be honest with you. Hey, he did have a spare. But he didn't have the tire. Tire iron. That's a bit of a problem. Yeah. So, yeah, they moon this old guy. This old guy like, hey, you sons of bitches. And then 14 seconds later, after Stooge and his crew peel out around the corner with his ass hanging out of the car, out pops...
Sal, our token scumbag. Now you can tell he's a token scumbag because he's got his hair greased up and he's got a wildly out of place New York accent. Hey, what are you doing over there? Oh man, here comes a fake rat. Scares the piss out of the old guy. He drops his groceries. And then Sal takes off and then... One of our main characters, Judy, rolls up and she's like, hey, do you need some help? He's like, get away from me, you damn whore. Oh, man.
That sucks. She's just trying to help, but then we get this little wraparound story about how he is putting razor blades in apples to give to the kids. I'll teach y'all a lesson. The jowls on this guy. Oh, boy. That was some magnificent jowls. You could just like deputy dog almost. Just see him blowing in the wind. Give Rubble a run for his money. That's fun. After that, we're going to catch up with all our kids. We're going to start.
off with Judy who's getting ready to go on a date to the school dance with her boyfriend Jay Jay oh god Can't tell you how many times. That's a drinking game right there. It is. We'll be hammered by the 45-minute mark. We should do that. Jay! Oh, God.
She gets a call from Jay. There's been a slight change of plans there, buddy. Jay doesn't want to go to the school dance. He wants to go to a house party instead. And the party in question is being thrown by the school misfit, a young lady named Angela. played by Amelia Kincaid. Judy reluctantly agrees, and she also finds out that the party is actually not at Angela's house.
It's at Hull House. Hull House. Which is like the creepy abandoned house of the town. Creepy abandoned mortuary. Mortuary, yeah. Very creepy. Again, she reluctantly agrees. After the phone call is over, she... see her in a nice little see-through bra and panty situation her creepy brother pops out of the closet and says hey bodacious boobies sis okay yeah that's a that's a
I mean... I can't remember what age I was at when I'm watching this and I'm like, wait a minute. That's your sister, bro. I get it. You're probably... I think his original intention was to hop out and scare her. But he did end up seeing her half naked in the process.
Even if you do do that, you jump out and scare her, the next words out of my mouth are not bodacious boobies or anything boobies related. No. You shouldn't be looking at your sister's boobies. No. No. Hi, I got you. And then I run out. Yeah. Okay. All right, well, that's weird. From there, we're going to catch up with Angela and her little hanger-on, Susie, played by Amelia Kincaid and Linnea Quigley. They are shoplifting at the local store.
This was back when shoplifting was like an art form, you know? My move, I will fully admit that I have done plenty of shoplifting. My move is you go in... Dusty. I know there may be some police officers listening, so I'm going to say this at a hushed tone. You go in, you fill up your pockets, and then you pay for like... A candy bar. Yeah. And then you walk out of there and you're money in the bank. Nobody suspects anything.
They've got a whole other situation. A whole other scam. What happens is Susie, Linnea Quigley, goes in there and basically bends over in front of the counter. And the two Pervos behind there chew their gum obnoxiously and stare right up her cooter while...
Angela runs around with a full pillowcase, just grabbing whatever the hell she feels like grabbing. Whatever she can grab. Out they go, and they've got a sack full of whatever. It looked like a bunch of snacks and drinks and stuff. Good for them. And this is where we uncover the master plan that we are going to scare the shit out of the cute boys at the party. Yep. Good plan. I'm into it so far.
Now we're going to cut back to Judy's mom's house where Judy is still getting ready. Sal, our token scumbag, knocks on the door. And out pops her brother. Sal's like, hey, tell you. Beautiful sister, Sal's here. He's a handsome hunk, and he brought his pet snake for her to play with. Take off, greaseball. Her boyfriend's going to be here any minute now. Oh, you stupid. Where does Sal even come from? You know what I mean? What are you doing here, Sal? God, you're on the wrong coast.
Anyway, Sal gets the 411 about the party at Hull House because, of course, pervy younger brother heard the whole thing. He gave up the intel for a buck. Oh, yeah. Low-balled him. He low-balled him at first. He low-balled him with a quarter, and he stole Billy's mask, which is a dick move. Yeah. All right. Well, Billy was kind of a dick anyway. After that, Jay shows up to pick up Judy.
Judy's mom offers him some fudge logs. I gotta say, Billy was a dick, but he did make a good point here. Very good point. They look like sun-dried poodle turds, Mom. Yeah, they do. They do. But if you're Jay, you've got to eat one. Yeah, he didn't seem like he was trying to win over the mom that much. When you're trying to win over the mom, you've got to just eat whatever they serve you. And it's delicious, whatever it is. Thank you so much, Mom.
Out rolls Judy and off they go. They get picked up by their friends Max and Franny. Very close tie for the hottest chick in this movie. Agreed. She'll be number two. Jill Takahara. Woo! Her shirt's going to come off here in a few minutes. They are perky, and she is Asian, and she's got the teased hair. This is like a trifecta of things that would just, yes. Yes, please. Yes, don't ask me to stand up anytime soon.
Off they go to Hull House. Now we're going to catch up with Stooge and Raj. Unfortunately, they have a flat tire somewhere on the way to Hull House. I don't even know why I hang out with you two wipes. Wipes? Eat a bowl of fuck! This dude is the best, man. That's what I was doing the whole night. I was just going through one-liners. Faster than fuckwads. Faster than fuckwads, yeah. I told the wife to speed up a little bit, but I said, you drive like a...
Drive, fucking bitch, Layla. And she's like, what? And I was like, oh, I'm just getting the character, man. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. We're just having fun, right? Just getting the character. Sorry, sorry. Don't kill me. They get a flat tire, and Jay and Judy, in their car full of kids, pulls up behind him. Unfortunately, Stooge does not have a lug wrench to change the tire, but he does have a spare, his credit. They give him a hand and drive off. Just behind them is Susie and Angela.
Our four main kids, Judy, Jay, Franny, and Max, get to Hull House first. Big creepy house. You've got to drive through the gate, and then you park and you go inside. It looks exactly like you'd expect an abandoned haunted house to look. Fun fact, somehow, I don't know if this structurally makes sense, but there is an underground stream that goes around the house. Yeah. And they built a brick wall on top of the stream.
I don't think that's engineering. Well, I mean, I guess you probably could. But if you filled it with enough dirt, it wouldn't be a stream anymore. Yeah, it would just be a bunch of mud under your house. And then after that... Well, we're going to sign off on this. And we verify it by using Max's stethoscope to listen to the running water. I should mention Max is dressed up like a doctor. Judy is dressed up as, I believe, Alice from Alice in Wonderland. Judy is Alice.
and then Franny is like Tinkerbell. Tinkerbell or something, yeah. And Jay is too cool. He's... Detective, what's his name, from Miami Vice. Oh, Crockett? Crockett. No, you've got to have the pink shirt, the pink t-shirt. You've got a blue one, yeah. So that's great. They get in there. Oh, looks like the maid took the day off. Yeah. Just up behind them comes Susie and Angela, and they've stopped to pick up Raj and Stooge and Helen.
Jay comes up with a great idea. Hey, everybody hide. Let's scare them. There's a coffin laying out there in the living room. So Jay goes to get in it and out pops Sal. Sal somehow – Sal's got a pair of balls on him, dude. He gets there before everybody. Hiding in a coffin by himself. Yeah. In the dark. You better hope that you're in the right fucking house, genius. Yeah. Pops out and then Jay's like, I'm going to punch your fucking lights out. And Sal's like, whoa, J-Bo.
What's the matter? Jay! He's just mad at him because he was doing the thing you were trying to do and he did it before you! Oh no, Jay! And walks everybody else. And now we kind of get the party into full swing. Typical bullshit. You know, the music's going. They got the strobe lights. Everybody's drinking beer. Susie is making a big show out of warming her hands by the fire and sticking her ass out for everybody to see. God bless her. Everybody had that one girl in the friend group that just...
She had it, and she had to make sure that everybody knew that she had it. The one girl that if she was there, you weren't allowed to be there without your girlfriend. Exactly right. Exactly right. Oh, she's coming? I'm coming too. Okay, I'm coming too. There, Romeo. Keep your pants on. Okay, everything's going pretty good for a minute. Angela's being creepy. I wouldn't leave that there if I were you. Spirits don't want you parading around their house and leaving trash. All right, weirdo.
Eventually, unfortunately, the toons die out when the batteries in the boombox die, and we're left with some party games, so we decide we're going to have a past-life seance. So apparently the way this works is we gather in front of a big mirror, and I guess we all just stare in the mirror until you see your past life. Until it turns black or, yeah. Something like that. All right. Well, as to be expected.
We all sit in front of the mirror and then it's just a bunch of dick and fart jokes going back and forth for a while. Everybody's having a pretty good time. Angela's getting pissed because nobody's taking her creepy vibe seriously. And then we look away for a second and then the mirror falls and shatters. But right before it does, Helen sees...
What appears to be a horse head skeleton. Yeah, it was supposed to be a demon face. Well, yeah. But I mean, it was very not good. I don't know what we're going for there, but she sees it. Mirror shatters. And she saw also, remember, she sees the... Oh, that's right. Yeah, her dead face hitting the car window. Yeah.
So now everybody's a little freaked out. Roger, unfortunately, the only black guy in the party, is like, my daddy's a preacher, and I know not to be messing with this stuff. And usually us fellas are the first ones to go, so I'm out of here. That's exactly right. can't blame him for that Helen who just saw the demon face in the mirror is also freaked out so they're like hey we're leaving bros
Susie's like, yeah, go ahead, you fucking pussies. And this is where we kind of jump into Sam Raimi mode. Now, as Dusty alluded to, this house is actually an old funeral home. And somewhere on the... basement maybe sub-basement there's an actual crematorium and we just get evil dead cam shooting out of the crematorium zipping around the house and then going right into linnea quigley's mouth
While she's adjusting her lipstick. Okay. I mean, she doesn't like fly into some kind of a homicidal rage. She just kind of stares off for a minute. Okay, that's fine. But now it's make-out hour. So it's time to separate into our various makeout groups and enjoy the finger blasting, I guess, is what we're aiming for here. Jay and Max and Franny and Judy all go off and... Susie just kind of jumps down the throat of Angela for a hot second. They just kind of make out. And Angela's like, uh...
What the fuck? And Susie's like, I'm going to go pee. Stude, you better come accompany me. And Sal's like, hey, I thought I was going to follow you to the crapper. Hey, what are you doing? Give you guys a fat pig. I'm in the mood for pork tonight. Okay. So off they go to the bathroom. Fran and Max and Jay and Judy.
Kind of have like a little side story session in one of the other rooms where Max regales us with some stories about how the land is evil. And there was a Native American cannibal guy here a long time ago. He read it in the library. Yeah, it's got to be true. Yeah, I'm sure that's accurate. And then about this time, it's fuck party time. So Max and Francine take off to find another place to fuck. Jay is thinking he's going to get lucky right there in this dank room. And Stooge is still...
trying to listen to Susie poop or whatever he's doing. He's just kind of hanging. You think maybe we could go in there together? Yeah. No? Party. Let me start hosing down this wall so you don't hurry up. In the meantime, Susie is having, now possessed Susie, is having herself like a little picnic in the bathroom. She's got her lipstick out and she's doing like the ultimate warrior thing on her face and just having a hell of a time.
Back in the main room, if you didn't know already, Angela is now also possessed and she's acting real spacey. And this is my favorite part of the movie. The Bauhaus stigmata martyr... Choreography, flash dance, strobe light situation. I thought that was pretty dope. Amelia Kincaid was like the go-to 80s... video music uh music video like crazy or whatever yeah with her hair flipping around and all that she was in all those it was like tawny kinkade or
Tawny Katane. Tawny Katane and then her. Yeah. And there's a couple videos with both of them in it and they get really wild. I'll send you some links. All right. Sal, unfortunately, is like... crazy weirded out by this this flash dance thing and he's like oh stew just had about enough of listening to suzy take a leak so he comes back in and he's like all right the party's back on
And Sal's like, hey, man, she's acting real weird right now, okay? And he's like, it's not the weird ones you gotta watch out for. So he goes up and he starts, like, trying to slow dance with Angela. And I think this is, like... Where we can tell that... Stooge actually doesn't have a lot of experience with women. He's got a lot of experience at getting shot down by women, but now this is actually happening, and he's like, Really? And she's like, Stooge.
I never realized how sexy you are. And he's like, what? No, really? Stooge, I want you to kiss me. So they start making out and then she basically bites his tongue off and spits it and then he kind of dies on the spot. That sucks, man. I need more Stooge in this movie, unfortunately. So from there we go up to – now this is – we're basically out of party mode at this point and we're kicking it into massacre mode.
So outside, we're going to jump to Raj and Helen, who thought they were going to take off. And they're just doing laps around the building because I guess the brick wall swallowed up the gate. So they're just kind of doing hot laps. At one point, Roger is trying to feel his way through the brick wall, and Helen just disappears. Scary stuff. Yeah, you never see what happens to her until she gets tossed.
I don't know. Roger's like, oh, shit. I think they're just fucking with me. So he goes and basically just takes a nap in Angela's car. All right. I thought that was Stooges' car. Oh, maybe it is. Yeah, because Stooges is in a ditch. Yeah, that's right. That's right, yeah. So now we're back up, and Sal is just kind of walking around. This is where Susie officially loses her mind. Sal walks in on Susie in the bathroom, and she's like, Hi, Sal. She's got her.
face all jacked off with the lipstick. And she just decided to pull her tits out for no apparent reason. And Sal's like, hey, this place ain't a house to me. I got a real house with slipcovers on the furniture. And then he's like, I'm out of here. And then he takes off. And then Susie takes a tube of lipstick and shoves it in her nipple. Which led to some very confusing thoughts to a young Darian as to what exactly boobs were for, how they worked.
Can you do that? I don't know, but weird stuff. All right. Now we're going to cut back to Jay and Judy. They're making up pretty hard. Jay is, I would say, rounding first, headed to second. But every time he goes for a boob or something, she kind of shoves him off. And then we get the big speech. Oh, come on, Judy. Everybody knows you and Sal got it on. What? Well, did you? She doesn't deny it. No, that's none of your business, Jay. That is a yes. That means that they fucked at one point.
Eventually, she gets pissed off and kicks him off of her. And then he's like, you know what? You're just a tease. And then he leaves, but he accidentally locks Judy in that room. So that sucks. Is it accidental? Yeah, you know. Quite possibly. We'll lock her in here and go find somebody else. Yeah. He takes off, wanders directly into the bathroom where Susie is...
possibly fingering herself or doing some fun stuff with the lipstick still, but her boobs are out. So Jay's like, all right. Okay. Locks the door. And then Susie like starts trying to take his dick out. And then he's like, okay, bye. I guess this is happening. So we're going to come back to them in a minute because now Sal, who's thinking he's going to leave, is headed to the front door where he sees Angela just kind of hanging around. And he's like, hey, I'm out of here.
And then she's like, oh, I was just warming my hands by the fire. And her hands are on fire. This is where Dr. Claw shows up from Inspector Gadget. You're not leaving already, Sal. Stupid. All right. And the weird thing is, like, I get it. I'm not besmirching this movie at all because it's one of my favorites. But the Dr. Claw voice gets passed around. Why wasn't it? Well, I guess it was more than one demon. Well...
Was it more than one demon? Because it went into Angela. Then she gave it to... Oh, no. It started with Susie. Went into Susie. She gave it to Angela. And then anytime somebody dies, they get it, too. They get like... They don't talk, though, when they die. Stooge does, but she... She bit his face off. Maybe she passed it to him that way. Yeah, but he doesn't talk. None of them talk. No, they just kind of growl. Yeah.
I don't know. It's just that you can tell it's Dr. Claw. Oh, totally. Whoever does the Dr. Claw voice does it here, too.
Actually, you know who does the voice of the demon? Who? You know the Pervo that was behind the counter at the – The one with the glasses or the – The Asian one. The Asian one? That's the guy that does the stupid voice. He does the exact same voice in another Kevin Tenney movie called – witch trap oh i've seen that one yeah it's very so he's in that one too um anyway so now we're jumping into massacre mode here uh judy unfortunately locked in that weird room um
Jay thinking he's about to get it on with Susie. Upstairs, or in some other room, we have Max and Franny legit getting it on in a coffin. when Franny has got just a banging body on her, she pops out and she's like, oh, and then in walks Stooge and slams the coffin lid on him after he twists Franny's head around and, like, smashes Max. his arm off with the coffin lid. They're both out of the equation, unfortunately. I was hoping to see more of Jill Takahara, but that's okay. They're both dead.
And now from here, we're just going to kind of cut to cat and mouse. Roger wakes up in the car when somebody starts shaking it. He's like...
All right, Stooge, you fat pig. I know it was you. You're the only one that could shake the car. And then out of nowhere, Helen's dead body, like... just falls off yeah like gets tossed onto the the windshield and he's like oh shit so he jumps out and starts running away Inside, we've got Sal kind of skillfully avoiding Angela, who is now on a hoverboard, and her...
skin has gotten really bad. Same thing happens to Susie. Susie and Jay are about to get it on. You do get to see Linnea Quigley's fur burger here for a hot second. Blu-ray and HD have not been kind to Linnea Quinn. No. Bad skin. Really bad skin and yellow teeth. I don't mean to speak ill of the woman. God knows I've pulled my dick almost clean off my body on more than one occasion to this young lady.
But, you know, on the old tube TV with the VHS tape, you don't catch a lot of that. Now it's beef. Jay and Susie are getting it on. She sits on them and they're going to town. And out of nowhere, Susie's like, is my makeup okay? Stop looking at me! And then she does like a... Prince Oberyn Martell move on him and digs her thumbs into his eye socket. So now Jay's dead. And at this point, we are down to Sal, Roger, and Judy. So in the space of about, I don't know, 10, 15 minutes...
Half of our party got wiped out. Uh... So from here, we're just going to do a lot of cat and mousing. Susie chases Judy around for a little bit. Run, Judy, run. See, Judy, run. Sal gets knocked out of the bathroom window, and he falls out. And you're thinking, oh, cool, Sal's free, but he says he's in... It's like a courtyard. He says he's in an air shaft.
Yeah, it was more, I think it was, I mean, it was a courtyard. It was like a place where you put plants and shit that's open to the air, but it's in the middle of the house. So I guess that is a thing, an air shaft. I don't think you'd call it an air shaft, though. I think it'd be like a courtyard or an arboretum. There you go. Something. I don't know. He gets knocked out, and he's like...
Ah, it's an air shaft. Ah, thank God for water pipes. Water pipes. Starts climbing up the water pipes. He gets up and he gets chased around some more. There's a cute little move where Judy comes out onto the roof and Roger's down there and he spots her and he's like, and Judy's like, shh.
Stooges right here, don't say anything. And then eventually Angela sneaks up on her hoverboard and she's about to grab Judy and throw her off, but then Sal jumps in front of Ange and then Sal gets knocked off the roof and somehow impales himself on a... Like a white picket fence. Yeah, something. And manages to land, ironically, in front of his own tombstone. How convenient. There you go. You just got to dig a hole now. Half the battle right there. There it is.
So he's now dead and we're down to Roger and... Judy. More cat and mouse. Eventually, they get chased into the crematorium. Roger kind of goes catatonic because he's scared to death, I guess. Judy, as the demons are beating the door down... uses her Super Hulk smash muscles to rip a gas pipe out of the crematorium. And just as they kick the door down, she lights it up and roasts Stooge and Ang. I mean, it burns them, but it just kind of pisses them off, and they go walking back down the hallway.
And then we have to have a serious heart-to-heart with Roger about, come on, we're going to make it. We can get out of here. We just have to make it until sunrise. It's going to be awesome. It's just me and you now. We've got to stick together. Okay, great. More cat and mouse. They get out of there. They're headed to the front door. And they get accosted by now zombie, Jay, who has no eyeballs. And he doesn't really do anything. He just comes out. Why has no forsaken me?
He kind of staggers around a little bit. Eventually, they kick one of the windows out just as the demons are closing in on him. They go running outside. Again, the gate that they came through and is somehow swallowed up by the brick wall, but they find a weird random barbed wire that just kind of hangs down.
So they're trying to climb up the wall, but Judy's hands keep getting cut. And Roger's like, fuck this, white bitch. And he just goes right up the wall as fast as he can. He's like, okay, I'm up here. I'll help you now. Demons are closing in. Now we have... Zombie Max and Franny. Apparently, Zombie Franny has taken the time to put her shirt back on. Damn it. Well, her head's around backwards, too. That's true, yeah. So it's like you're looking at her back. Yeah, but...
She did not have a shirt off. Yeah, no, she didn't have anything on. No, but now she's fully dressed. God damn it, Kevin Tenney. They come staggering out and they start grabbing at Judy. Unfortunately, Roger falls off the wall and Judy's like, oh shit, I'm cooked now. But then just as they're about to grab her, he reaches down and grabs her hand and pulls her up. And then Judy and Raj fall on the other side of the wall and presumably start walking home. That takes us to the next morning.
We see our old guy out collecting his newspaper and he's like, partying all night, huh? You goddamn kids. And then he goes inside and we get a cute little thing where his wife used the leftover apples to make apple pie, which he is now eating and catches a razor. blade going right down his neck and bleeds out on the...
A couple of them. Big old two gashes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right through his jowls. Wife doesn't seem all that bothered by at all. No, it's like she meant to do it. Yeah, she's like, oh. She's sick of his bullshit. Yeah. How's the pie? It's okay.
Well, fuck you too, man. You've made better. I'm making it from scratch. I got up at 4.30 this morning to make this shit. What'd you think of Night of the Demons there, Dusty? Oh, I love it. I watch it every year, like I said. It's a classic, right? Yeah, absolutely. I got the limited edition Blu-ray Shout Factory thing. Oh. You know what the original ending of this movie was? No, I do not. Judy, actually Judy's little brother was supposed to... Save him?
Well, he was going to be the other survivor. Roger wasn't supposed to live, but... He was going to, presumably, to further perv out on his sister, sneak into Jay's car and then go to the party also. Oh, okay. And then it was going to be the two of them that survived. Oh, well. Creepy kid.
It's a good show. I got the Blu-ray. I think it's streaming. I know it's streaming on Tubi. It's on Prime. Prime. I watched it the other night on Prime. Yeah, I think it's on Shudder also. So easy to find if you haven't seen it. I know you've seen it, inmates. If you haven't, do yourself. a favor. You're going to want to get on this. Arnett, I think it's time for a break, amigo. Yeah.
I can't believe that he made that fucking shirt. I found that logo. Like, which one of his pictures. So they show me the photo. Oh, I got it. And then they asked me if I thought you would do it. Hey, inmates. If you like what you hear, head over to the Padded Room Facebook group and support us through the patron link with a small monthly donation. Check out the T-Villain link at paddedroom.podbean.com and grab some t-shirts.
Thanks for listening and enjoy the rest of the show. And we're back, Dusty. Yes. I think we need to find us an abandoned creepy house to party in. It's been a lifelong dream of mine. Mine, too. There's nothing abandoned around here, dude. I know. There was that one house that was down where you live now.
but they bulldozed it and built apartments. The one that was in the field was the old Minogue High School. Remember that? That was off of McCarran in the field across from the university farms, that white mansion-looking thing? Yeah, yeah. That would have been perfect. That was the old Manoog High School. Did you know that? I didn't know that. Yeah. Huh. That's cool.
It just looked like a great big house more than anything. Yeah, it was where they had the first minogue. I feel like we go in there and party, like the upper floor is going to collapse and somebody's going to get a broken leg or some shit. I think it was condemned. That's just our... luck tore it down was a fucking good thing too uh right on dude i guess it is time for some terror dome action all right no tears please it's a waste of good suffering
I'm not gonna hurt you. You didn't let me finish my sentence. I said, I'm not gonna hurt you. I'm just gonna bash your brains in. I'm gonna bash them right the fuck in. I'll kill you all. I'll try to be crazy and I'll kill you. I'll be the greatest ever. I have the worst dream come true. Six-year-old child with this blind... A emotional space The blackest eyes The devil's eyes
Welcome to the Terradome. No fights this week, inmates, because I didn't know who was going to be fighting, but we'll have the championship next week. I do still have to announce this week's winner, though. Singles competition, we had the Maniac Cop versus the Xenomorph for the Asylum Championship. Explosions rocked Central Park. Casualties were mounting and first responders continued to pour in. By the time the fires made it to the tree line, Officer Cordell was two burrows away.
After the wreckage was cleared, a strange skeleton was discovered along with several charred egg sacs. With a vote of 5-3, the maniac cop advances to the championship, Dusty. It's going to be a crazy one. Woo, daddy! I like it. Dracula versus the Maniac Cop. I don't know. I think it's going to be the first year for old Drac. Yeah, and the Maniac Cop. I take him every year because I'm thinking he's a bad motherfucker. This year I don't take him.
And he makes it through. Go figure. I feel like I'm being fucked with. That's luck of the draw, man. That's true. That's true. Right on, dude. We will get back to you next week with the full-on championship and all the marbles. But while we're preparing the arena, as they say, we're going to tell you what movies we got to watch this week in a little segment called What Are You Looking At? What are you looking at? How about Carry On from 2024?
Jason Bateman? Oh, wait. Yes, I did see that. Airport situation? Yeah, I liked it. Did you? Yeah, did you not like it? I didn't care for that guy. Who? Taron Edgerton? The guy from The Kingsman? Yes. I liked him in The Kingsman. He looks like that. You know what I'm saying? In this one, he's supposed to be like a loser that hates his job.
But at the same time, he's like very clean cut and his uniform is pressed. Well, you have to be right if you're a TSA guy. I don't know. To keep your job. The whole time they're telling him what a loser he is and how he's doing the bare minimum. But yet he's showing up like that.
like that yeah uh i thought jason bateman was great oh yeah he plays a good uh bad bad guy yeah because he plays his same very very monotone yeah yep just like hey nothing bothers me kind of thing but now he's an asshole he's now he's a bad guy You do that again, I'm going to murder your girlfriend. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, I like that one. It wasn't a bad show. It was a little bit, I don't want to say anything about the end, but it was, the end was like, okay, fuck, really? Come on. Yeah, no, yeah.
And then he's getting in the, okay. You have to do like a diehard, you know, old school 80s suspension of disbelief that these things could actually happen. You could fix a lot of that with some dialogue. Yeah. You know, after the war, after my four tours of duty, spec ops.
And then I just got this crazy job because, you know, I need to pay the bills. Okay. Now it makes a lot more sense. Instead, you spend half the movie telling me what a loser he is and how he hates everything about it. And now he's John McClane. And now he's, yeah. And now he's, okay. All right.
Whatever. I watched that, and I watched Maxine, finally, also from 20th. Oh, I haven't watched it yet. What did you think? It's, uh... That's on Max now, isn't it? Yes. Okay, I have to watch that one. It fits perfectly into the... trilogy. More of a crime drama I would say. The ending gets a little wacky. It gets a lot wacky now that I think about it. I wasn't a huge fan of Pearl. I mean, I liked X. Yeah. You know.
I liked that a lot. Yeah. But then Pearl was just like, eh. Yeah. It wasn't really even a horror movie. No, it was more like a weird psychological thing. So maybe that's why I haven't jumped on the opportunity to watch Maxine yet. If you're looking for... X, it's not X. Okay. I mean, like I said, probably more crime drama than horror. Okay. And...
It's all right. It's all right. I'll say it's all right. All right. I think X is probably the best one out of the three. That's all I'm looking at, Dusty. What do you got? I got a couple weeks worth. We watched Elevation. We rented that. It's Anthony Mackie. The boys were talking about it, so I gave it a rip. Okay. We were actually really kind of dug it.
The premise is this is basically post-apocalyptic, right? Okay. And it's creatures. Okay. And for some reason, one or the other, they won't go above 8,000 feet. So that's... That's what it's called. So all the remaining surviving people build civilization on the mountaintops of Colorado, basically. Okay. Every once in a while, they've got to venture down into Boulder or whatever to get supplies and everything like that.
you know, two out of four of them don't come back. Sure. Because they get, you know, taken out by the creatures. Yeah. Anthony Mackie plays a guy and his son has some kind of a, I think it's, advanced form of asthma where because the altitude they have to be at it's really hard on so you have to be on oxygen every night so he's got to go down to boulder to basically get the oxygen containers it's more of an action type uh
an action there's horror elements like the creatures but you get to this point where like they're chasing them and they got a lion marked out on the mountain like a Like an elevation line. Okay. Like a topographic map. Sure. Where 8,000 feet is. Yeah. So as soon as they get past the fucking line, then the creature stops after them. And they got these tentacles and shit on them. They're like. Oh, that's cool. They're like, I don't know, scorpion.
Okay. Well, all right. Yeah, so actually the design of them was pretty cool. But then they just get past this line and you can't reach a fucking tentacle across and grab them. But you find out why. All right. And I kind of... I kind of like, wait a minute. You know, I was thinking about, you know, how these things got, I kind of figured it out. I had a good guess, I should say. My guess became true. Accurate. Yeah. Okay. So that was a good, that was a good one. Cool.
entertaining enough and then our good buddy jason harrell oh boy he uh you know he contributed to the uh the fan uh whatever the In Search of Darkness, he gave money to the GoFundMe thing. Kickstarter, yeah. The Kickstarter, yeah. So they sent him an early copy, which in turn he dropped to us. Right. So I spent six hours of my fucking life watching In Search of Darkness 90 to 94. Yeah.
So I did that. I like those movies, but I can't like sit and watch. No, I did in shifts. Yeah. No, like I'll put, I'll put, I'll throw one on like.
just before I get on the treadmill. Oh, yeah. And then I'm just going and I look up and I'm like, oh, there's a, you know, hear no evil. And then I keep going. Yeah. Oh, there's a clip from Sleepaway Camp. Yep. Same thing. I just was... watched it in shifts you know i had a spare half hour i'd watch a half hour you know you keep going yeah so um then we watched uh 28 days later just to revisit it you know before the sequel comes out yeah We read it, and this is...
That's got one of the best, I mean, not to drag you off topic, but that scene where the helicopter cuts down the entire crowd in a second. Boom! I don't know why we don't talk about that more often. No, it's awesome. That's a bloodbath. That is a good... I was going to watch 28 weeks later, too, before. Oh, that was 28 weeks. You said 28 days. Yeah, it started with days, going to weeks. 28 days is really good, too. Yeah, I mean, it started off the whole thing.
I'm wondering, what was first? Was it 28 days later, then Walking Dead? Because it's the same thing, right? The guy wakes up in the hospital. Yeah. After an apocalypse, a zombie or infected apocalypse, and nobody, you know. So I wonder if they borrowed that idea from each other. But Walking Dead was a comic book. Yeah, I think the comic came out before the movie. I think the comic came out like early 2000s.
So, yeah, it was good. I mean, it was good every time I watched it. So we watched that one. I like it because I got a bigger penis than Cillian Murphy. And I can tell you that for sure. I've measured it for scale. The D-Man. All right. That a boy. I got the curse of the Irish, you know. Oh, no. Watched Campfire Tales. Remember this one? It popped. It's a 1990s. Yeah, it's a total 90s. Anthology, right? Anthology, yeah. So it's got... Was Corey Haim in it? No. No, not Corey Haim. It was some...
The guy that plays – what's his name? James or – He plays Cyclops in the X-Men movies. James Marson? Marson was in that in the first segment, and so was Amy Smart. Oh, okay. And then Ben Stiller's wife is one of the, what's her name, the blonde one? Christy something? Yeah, so she was in it. Ironically.
she was also in Night of the Demons 2. Yes. Yeah. So, I mean, it was just an anthology one. Nice. I don't know. It was something that popped up on, hey, recommended for you. So, I was falling asleep one night and put it on. Why not? We rented Craven. It's obviously not horror, but it's the Spider-Man version with Aaron Taylor, whatever his name is, Aaron Taylor. It was not great. I mean... the action sequences, and he did a lot of...
Oh, I've seen that in the comic book. The poses when he slides through the underbrush. I was like, that's a Kraven pose. But the story where they're trying to make – he's obviously the hero of the thing, right? And he's not like that in the books. No, no. He's the ultimate hunter. He's the baddest bad guy, right? So this one, mainly his dad is the villain. Okay. And the dialogue is absolute fucking...
Dog shit. Really? They do that thing, which I know you hate, where the exposition has to explain the story. Yeah. And it's very unnatural. Yeah. It's just like laying out the freaking. I hate that. I hate it. I hate that. It drives me insane. Yeah, me too. And it's not even delivered well. No. They really tried to just rely on, hey, this is Kraven, this is a Spider-Man thing, come to the theaters and watch it. Okay. So we watched that one, and then...
We watched, it's called The Gorge. Have you heard of this one? I saw the trailers. It looks pretty good. Yeah, so I liked it a lot, and so did both the girls watch it, Addie and Blair. They liked it. It's got horror elements. The story is pretty cool. It's a good original idea for a story.
What's his name? Miles Teller plays an ex-Marine sniper with over 115 confirmed kills or something like that. And then he obviously went on to contracting work and that kind of stuff. Sigourney Weaver is the... The boss or the one that hires him for this final mission kind of thing, right? And doesn't tell him shit really what the mission is about. Basically that you don't have anybody that's going to miss you for a year. You're going to be deployed for a year.
Anyway, they fly him in. Don't tell him where in the world he is. Airdrop him in, and then he meets up with his predecessor, who was a British SAS soldier. He debriefs them on what they're doing. Basically, they set up a perimeter on this gorge. Yeah. And there's a tower, and then there's automatic...
Gatlin guns with motion sensors set up all on the gorge. I was like, oh, cool, what's going on here? And the guy tells him, well, he's all, what's the mission? Who are we trying to keep out of the gorge? He's all, no, you're not trying to keep things out. You're trying to keep what's in there coming out here. So basically guarding the world. what's in the gorge yeah you look across there's another identical tower this is the western tower
manned by the Western Alliance of Nations, Britain, America, that kind of thing. Across is the Eastern Bloc Tower, Russia, and in turn. They're not supposed to have contact with each other. The other side is Anna Taylor-Joy. So she's the Russian assassin, if you will. Doing her... time on the tower over there. Right. They're not supposed to talk. They end up holding signs to each other. They fall in love over signs. Right. You know, and then, and then it all kind of goes from there. Basically.
their relationship blooms and then he devises a way to go across to see her when they're not supposed to see each other and ends up going in the fucking gorge. Oh. So then they're both in the gorge trying to... fight off what's in there coming out. You find out the story of what's in there, why it's in there, that kind of thing. No, it was good. Actually, I liked it. A lot of cool gunplay.
And then the story, at first, when you first see the things, the creatures, whatever, I was like, what the fuck? It wasn't great, the creature design, but then you find out why and you're like, okay, give them some credit for that. Okay, right on.
So it's worth a watch, definitely. It's on Apple. I don't know if you have Apple streaming, but it's free. Nice. We watched it. The kids would be able to watch it. Yeah, not too bad. Addie really liked it. My kids are savages. I know. They don't give a shit. I know.
But it's worth, I mean, like I said, Addie and Blair liked the romantic side of it. Of course. The love story. Yeah. And I liked the gunplay. And the creatures. And the creatures, yeah. Okay. It's a good one for the whole family. Sure. It's got something for everybody. Yeah. Right? And then...
Jeff and I, our good friend, went and watched Captain America 4. What did you think? I liked it. I mean, I liked it better than any of the rest of this dribble that Marvel's been putting out lately. I wouldn't say it was even in my... It's probably the... least favorite of the Captain America movies for me, I'd say. But that's saying a lot because I really like those movies in the franchise. A lot of cool action. Obviously, you know, Red Hulk shows up, you know, so.
No, it was cool. It was definitely worth a watch. I liked it. It wasn't pushing all the agendas on you kind of thing, like Disney's starting to do. There's one scene that's being posted and reposted. Which one is that? It's the one where Anthony Mackie is explaining that he doesn't have blonde hair and blue eyes. I don't even recall that. Really? Maybe I drank too much beer. Oh.
Okay. I don't know. No, I've seen it pop up on Facebook like three times where he's like standing there with a bunch of cops and he's like, yeah, I'm Captain America, but I'm not the Captain America, but I'm still wearing the uniform. And then he goes on with the blonde hair and blue eyes. That might be a...
Outtake. I don't remember seeing that in the movie, to be honest with you. Okay. Next time it pops up, I'll send it to you. Okay. Maybe it's an outtake or something. Because everybody, like all the groups that he encounters are all just like, he's walking on water. They're not saying you're no.
Steve fucking Rogers it's just like yeah he gets in with these seals and everything and everybody really likes him so okay I don't I don't remember that being in the movie at all okay to be honest with you so I'll send it to you right on anything else And then I started watching a show on Apple because, I don't know, nothing else to watch. Mythic Quest, have you watched that? No, what is that? It sounds like a...
Sounds like some kind of Jason Harrell thing. No, it's funny. It's basically The Office if it was set in a video game designing company. Oh, okay. So it's actually pretty fucking funny. It's got Rob McElhaney in it from Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Oh, yeah. He's one of the creators of it. And then...
I don't think there's any other actors that you would know that I would know from other things. But it's basically, just like I said, The Office. He plays the creative director of this game called Mythic Quest. They're spoofing on, I think, World of Warcraft. So they got this big success with Mythic Quest, and they're trying to figure out the expansions, and he's just an over-the-top eccentric.
I'm the creator of this world. It's funny. I mean, if you want to watch it, it's worth a laugh. I guess there's four seasons of it, but I just started watching it. It's basically The Office meets Silicon Valley. Have you ever seen that on HBO? Yeah, yeah. It's very similar. But it's pretty good. Right on. That's it. Okay. I had a lot. That's a lot. That's a couple weeks worth, bro. I guess it's time for some immersion therapy then. Immersion Therapy.
think of cuckoo there, fella? I don't know. I don't know if I'm... The neon kind of always... They always have that... It's odd. It's just odd. Yeah. I didn't know. Did they create these things or they're saying they're trying to protect them?
I think they're trying to. It's a very silly thing. Study them, I guess. Yeah. He said he was trying to breed them and then study them and keep them off the endangered species. I don't know. But they're like cuckoo people. Yes. Cuckoo birds, but people. Right. Yes. And they... They had a name for them. Yeah, it was like... Cucamata Minus or something like that. Velodice. Something, yeah. Yeah. Something German. Yeah. Up until that point, I was in. I was like, oh...
Fucking hot chicks running around the forest killing people. Okay, that's interesting. And then, of course, the weird chick with her nosebleeds. But once we got the explanation, I was like... Yeah. So you're telling me they're bird people? I mean, I'm okay with that, but... How does... Okay, because the premise was... That's what I'm saying. It's very fucking confusing. So...
This guy, Herr Herzog, whatever his name was. Herr Koenig. Herr Koenig. He invites these couples to his resort. Yes. And somehow, the husband of the couple... impregnates the wife, but with... How do they get the egg from the thing into the wife? As I understood it, the husband actually somehow... Somehow impregnates the bird lady. Yeah, but how would you do that without their knowledge is what I'm saying. Or...
I'm just spitballing here because apparently now I'm writing the script. Bird Lady shows up pregnant and puts the baby in the wife. That's what I thought. And then they raise Bird Girl or whoever as their own. I thought it was something like that. Like they took the wife and put one of the just embryos or eggs from the bird lady into the wife without her knowledge. And then they...
You know, as husband and wife do, you know, copulate. And they thought it was her egg that they, you know, obviously gave birth to the little Asian girl. And I don't know. Yeah, I don't know. It was fucking weird, dude. I really dug like the last, I don't know. 10 minutes of it when like the big fire the gun battle breaks out yeah and the bird people are coming that was pretty dope no yeah in the bookcases yeah and she's blocking like this guy wants to kill the you know
The bird lady. The bird lady or the bird kid. Yeah. And this guy wants to kill. The guy. No, the girl. And the girl. Yeah. Yeah. So she's wheeling them both down and there's a Mexican standoff going. Yeah. I thought that was kind of cool. Yeah.
There's some good things, but like I said, it's just like, I don't know. It's original. I'll give you that. There you go. It's definitely original. I say, yeah, why not check it out? Maybe I missed something. Maybe I'm not smart enough for this one. I don't know. Your immersion therapy for this week is going to be Most Horrible Things from 2022. This bad guy is streaming on Prime. Go ahead and check that out. We'll do the same. We can compare notes next week. But now it is time for you to...
It's time for a round of Who's Your Daddy? Eric Dusty. You're almost at it. That's what it is. Who is Daddy? First, my clues from last week, Dusty. I am the spearhead of an invading alien force. My secret weapon is to raise the dead bodies of the recently deceased here on Earth, let the zombies take out the trash, and then I will touch down with my alien cronies and we'll rule this world. I'm going to need the help of an ex-professional wrestler, a late-night horror host, and a very...
And actually, he actually died during the making of this movie, Bela Lugosi. I am, of course, Plan 9 from Outer Space. Ed Wood classic. Blotted by many to be the worst film ever made. Really? Yes. I hadn't heard that. It's very wacky. It is very, very wacky. And as a matter of fact, Dracula doing that thing where he covers his face with his cape, Dracula never actually does that. Bella started doing it in this movie because his teeth were falling out.
That's a little piece of horror trivia for you. There's a little nuance for you there. It's actually been remade, I think, in 2007 by some... Fucking chuckleheads. A lot of TNA in that version. Original, not so much. Gotcha. But it is what it is. It's fine.
Who might I be this week, you ask? Well, buddy, I am the butler of a very wealthy man. And unfortunately, he has recently perished. Now it's time to bring all of his... hairs to the mansion for a reading of the will and wouldn't you know if they start getting themselves killed in the process.
They're busy blaming each other, and me and my wife, the maid, might just make it out of here with quite a few thousand dollars, which was a lot more money then than it is today. Who might I be, you ask? Tune in next week, and I'll drop some knowledge on you, amigo. Sounds good.
In the meantime, I think that's about it for us this week. You got anything else there, Dusty? Nope, I'm good. It was fun. All righty. Join us next week for Return of the Living Dead. Can't wait. Linnea Quigley at her absolute finest. A lot of weird makeup going on there. That's another one that I've seen.
Many times. Many times. Well, certain parts of it anyway. Yep. Closing out Linnea Quigley Month here in the Padded Room. Thank you guys again very much for joining us and for bearing with us during our various travels. illnesses and things like that.
Like, comment, subscribe wherever you found this show. That helps our visibility quite a bit. We do have a Patreon campaign running. Just go to paddedroompodcast.com. You'll find all the information you need about that there. In the meantime, for late night horror... Ex-professional wrestlers. The worst movies ever made. Although, whoever said that probably hasn't seen our movie. We may have taken that crown, Dusty. I don't know.
With the budget you had, you did pretty good. You work with what you got. I've seen much worse. Oh, yeah. I would agree. And the Padded Room Podcast. I'm afraid visiting hours are over. Want to know how to survive in a nightlife?