All right, I'm done venting. Yeah, me too. Well, probably not, but for now. For now. Boom, boom, the padded room. My name is Darian. I am back with another week of horror bullshit. My main man, Dusty, is in the house. Hello there. What's going on, Big Dust? Oh, nothing. Just busy, busy. Always busy, dude. You know what it is? It's the life of the parent of the athletic kid. Yep. That's where I'm at right now. Yep. I am in a constant...
Free-flowing state between here and the sports dome. And I got two of them. I got two kids. And it's just back and forth. You know what I mean? It's all flag football. I know you're up to your navel in belly button. Same thing. In volleyball. Your belly button in volleyball. Yep. It's not an easy life, dude. It is not. You're going from sports dome to the school practices to the... school practices, sports domes, school games, to the over the hill.
tournaments in Sacramento this weekend, and it's crazy. Oh, you're in a travel league? Yes. Okay, I'm trying to avoid that. Yeah. Because, I mean, even the trip from here to the Sports Dome, that's like a good 20 minutes. Oh, yeah. You know, and I'm doing it at least three times a week, minimum. Lucky for me, I live down the end of town. Yeah, you're in good company there. But now you're going to Sacramento and stuff like that. All I got is a sports though. So I got that going for me for now.
Because there's going to be snow this weekend, and it's just a pain in the ass. Oh, yeah, you're going to have to go over the pass? Oh, God, Dusty. How stupid would that be? Terrible car accident. Don't jinx me. You're going to a volleyball game. Don't put that juju on me. I didn't want to die this way. Volleyball killed my friend. No. That's cool, man. Well, what else is new with you? Anything else?
No, that's about it. Like I said, that takes up the majority of my time. That and working. There's no real D time left. It's just... Kids and work. I told the wife, I said, what are we going to do when she's not doing sports anymore? We're going to have all this free time. I know. I was thinking about that. I don't even know if, you know.
We'll have to be friends again. I know. We'll have to start talking about things. Yeah. Besides schedules. So do you like stuff? What are you into these days? That's the last movie we went to. Yeah. I don't know. Yeah, it's going to be tough, man, and that's what I keep telling myself. Deacon is going to age out this summer, and Daphne will be two years behind him, and after that, I mean, he'll still play Pop Warner and hopefully high school ball, but...
I don't know what I'm going to do with myself after that. Yeah. Pick up more hobbies, I guess. Yeah, I guess so. We'll start a knitting podcast or something. Let's do it, bro. Let's do it. Well, we got a... a horror show to get into here Dusty we got horror news listener mail all the fun stuff yes sir I say we hit it hard with some horror news alright Horror news.
All right, what do you got there, fella? Well, the 2025 Oscar nominees are out, and there are some surprises. I don't typically have any stock in that. Me neither. But there are some... surprising nominations that revolve around stuff we like. Okay, I'm interested. The Substance has actually been nominated for Best picture. Wow. Yes. Okay. Is that insane or what? That is, especially considering the crawling face. Yeah. Okay, all right.
And then Demi Moore has been nominated for Best Actress. Okay. For The Substance. All right. I'm into that. Yeah. And then the Best Director of The Substance is... Corali Fargate. It's French. Fargate. Yeah. We'll say that. Corali Fargate. Yeah, sure. It's more Italian, but all right. Okay. Yeah, yeah. It's European. Sure, yeah. Whatever. Yeah. Whatever. Yeah.
So, yeah. And then they also had a Best Original Screenplay nomination. Also for The Substance. Substance. You've seen The Substance. Oh, yeah. Is it that good? I liked it. I liked it. I mean, I'm very shocked that it was nominated for... Best Picture. Yeah. It's fine. It's weird. I think that's the whole thing about it is because it is weird. Yeah. You know, typically nowadays the Best Picture nominees have all been... Either foreign films or some social justice thing. Exactly.
But, yeah, it was. Very strange. I was very shocked by that. Me too. That's bananas. Bananas, yep. And then the next thing I had is Resident Evil Movie in the Works from Barbarian Director. Yep. Uh-oh, did I take one? You got one, you son of a bitch. I should have just stopped back. No, you're fine. So according to a report... Zach Krager, filmmaker behind the horror hit Barbarian, is set to write and direct a new Resident Evil movie based on the iconic horror game franchise.
Currently, nothing is known about what Craigor's Resident Evil movie will be about. The legendary video game franchise has been no stranger to movie adaptations, though with seven different films having been made back to 2002. Most of... featured Mila Jovich. Craig is best known for his work on some comedy shows, The Whitest Kid You Know, which he founded. And then...
the movie, uh, barbarian from 2022. And then he's writing another one now, or his next movie is called weapons starring Josh Brolin. Sweet deal. Anyway. So they're making another resident evil movie. I'm into it. Yep. I like, uh, Zach Craig, you've seen Barbarian, right? Yes. It's interesting. Yeah. It's an interesting movie. I was not a huge fan of the big sweeping Mia Jovovich Resident Evil movies. I liked the first one. Maybe it was because...
It was the first Resident Evil movie we got and playing the video games growing up. I thought, oh, this is going to be cool. You look forward to it. Very techno-y kind of feel. It is right in that era of all that stuff. The same era of Blade and all that shit that's coming out. I liked the first.
Me too. After that, it got very silly. It kind of went downhill, yeah. It turned into the Fast and Furious of horror. Yeah, agreed. But with more kickflips. Just pumping them out. More special effects, pumping them out. Last couple movies, people got seriously... injured doing no stunts. One lady got her face-y gloved. I heard that. Stunt woman. That's insane. That movie was dumb, dude. Yes. You got your fucking face-y gloved making a dumb movie. Even a shit movie.
That is sad, bro. That is sad. There is another one, though. Have you seen Resident Evil Welcome to Raccoon City? Is that the series? Or is that the most recent movie? That's the most recent movie. I guarantee I've seen it. I just can't. It is much better. I think I've seen it. I guarantee I've seen it.
It's kind of a reboot-ish, right? Yeah, it kind of picks up. It's got all the characters from the video game in it, and it's much more accurate to the video game. It starts in the mansion, and then they go down in the subterranean train station. to get to the Umbrella Corporation? They're evacuating Raccoon City.
Okay. And they send the Starz team to the mansion. Okay, that's what it is. And then it kind of bleeds between Resident Evil 1 and Resident Evil 2, the video games. Yeah. But great 90s nostalgia. Yes, I've seen it. Yes. That one I liked a lot. I like that one a lot. And that's all I got. All right. I got some good news for you. What's that? Are you ready for this? I know how you love musical theater. I can't get enough. I know that you can't. And I know how you love The Lost Boys. Yes.
What do you mean yes? I do. I'm sensing your sarcasm, sir. No, I do. I do. I can't say that. I don't like it. Lost Boys the Musical. Headed to Broadway. Sign me up. 2026. If anybody's going to be in New York, you can check that out. Whatever. I'm not going to musical theater. I've actually heard that... If you do go to New York City, going to the theater, going to Broadway, at least to see one, is a good thing to do. I mean, I don't know. I've never seen live theater myself.
I wouldn't know one way or the other, but supposedly that's the thing to do when you go to New York. Sure. If you say so. I've been told. I bet it's expensive. I'm sure it is. You have to wear tuxedos. Oh, no. No? That's like the opera. Opera is what I'm thinking of. Yeah, no. Okay. Just go to the play. Just go? Okay. Gunnar Hansen, that name ring any bells? Yes. The original Leatherface. Dinner with Leatherface, a Gunnar Hansen documentary, is coming out later this week.
Also, it looks like posters and trailers are up for Alien Earth. Yes, I did see the trailer. I didn't hear the sound because I was watching it during the football game this weekend. We were watching it at the sports bar. So I saw it and I was like, oh shit, what is this? And it said... alien earth or kind of pov through the spaceship and all that you know i don't look pretty good yeah it didn't really show much no it didn't more of a teaser but that's cool i'm into it uh and lastly
Buckle your safety belt there, Dusty. Give me a second. Try to contain yourself. Check my chute. Put your hands up. I don't want you playing with yourself when I break this story. Amityville Backpack. Oh, boy. Where do I get one? You can go right to Tubi later this week. Haunted Backpack. Haunted Backpack. Haunted Backpack in Amityville. I'm excited. Is this like the haunted vodka? Um...
It probably tastes better. Haunted vodka was bad, bro. For what I paid for it, it was not worth it. It's another fucking Amityville. The last one I watched was Amityville in Space. So this is a movie, not an item to buy. No, this is a movie. No, this is a full feature film that was financed by somebody, Dusty. Somebody took the time to sit down and write a script called Amityville Backpack about a haunted backpack.
This leads me to believe that if you could get any of your writings to any noob or rube in Hollywood, you could get a movie. I don't know why. I don't know how. Some of the shit you've written that I've read is better than Haunted Backpacks. Well, let's reserve judgment on Haunted Backpacks. This might be the feel-good hit of the summer. That's all I got on horror news, man. Fucking depressing. Let's do some listener mail, huh? Sure. Listener mail. Yeah, buddy. We got an email here, Dusty.
And email. And email. Oh. Here comes my new best friend, Tony. Tony. Tony's in the house. Subject line, Darian eats the blackest bananas. I don't know where he's going with that. But when they get black, they're not good anymore. They're rotten. Exactly. Unless, of course, there is a different meaning to this conjecture, sir. Probably.
It means exactly what you think it does, he said. Who did Darian pick in the Terra Dome? I picked the opposite. Who did I pick? I think I picked... I thought you had the... No, it wasn't the creeper. No, it was Xenomorph. Xenomorph. It was Xenomorph and Jigsaw. I took the Xenomorph. That's two for Jigsaw. Hey, that's just good logic right there, Tony.
Creepshow 2 is not nearly as good as the first one, but The Hitchhiker is pretty gnarly by the end of the story. I watched Nosferatu. That was pretty good. Way better than anything Darian could have come up with and could have come up with. Whatever that means. I hope Dusty and Buddy are well. Thank you very much, Tony. Thanks, Tony. He's secretly in love with me. He doesn't want to admit it, but... It's like the middle school...
Boy that kicks at the girl and pulls her pigtails. Oh, okay. And photoshops pictures of black penises sometimes. Sometimes that gets the boy. Hey, you know, I mean, whatever works. I'm going to play hard to get with his ass because if he's going to treat me... I expect to be treated like a lady, Tony. You fucking asshole. We got some voicemails here, Dusty. Let's see who's up first here. It's our main man in Alabama. Alan's in the house.
How's it going, Alan? Padded room, what's up? What's up, man? Everybody's doing good. So let's see. Caradome. Oh, God, I guess I'm going to go. Okay. Sure, valid point. Could you do that? Did I do that? You could put an airlock, set them on fire. If you put enough bullets in them, they'd die. True. Oh, yeah, yeah. Jigsaw, Mr. Darien. Okay. Who was daddy? I got no idea. Sounds familiar, but can't think of it. Okay. Let's see what I'll watch. Wrestling and anime on Netflix.
Okay, good news. It's called Sakamoto Days, which is pretty cool. It's a better haircut, man. Okay. That's about it, really. Everybody's doing good. Oh, done some Killing Moon. I can't remember the band's name off the top of my head, but what about some Discorrosion? All right, talk to y'all later. Bye. It is not Discorrosion. It is, give me a second here, Alan.
Killing Moon was sung by... God damn it. It was sung by Echo and the Buddymen. There you go. You're going to hate yourself when I tell you who I was last week. But thanks for writing in or calling in there, Alan. We've got another one coming up here, Dusty. It looks like it's Mr. Tom Hardy. Hey-o! Hey, we're doing okay. You got it?
Educating department. We're talking graduation day. You got me. Keep them commentating just like that. Just keep them in my way. Have a streak, kid. Yeah, bud. As far as the terror dome there. See, we had the Xenomorph and Jigsaw. Yeah, buddy. What do you think? Ah, man. It's the Xenomorph. I don't see how... Yeah, it's the xenomorph. I don't even think I need an explanation on that. The jigsaw killer, he's smart, he's intelligent. He's a guy. He's just a guy.
I don't know. The fucking Xenomorph, it's going all the way through. It's going to go through all plans or traps or what have you. I don't see that shit working out. Acid blood. So, yeah, put me down for the Xenomorph. Got you. As far as the what are you looking at department, we've got to catch a couple of things. Watching Dracula, dead and loving it. You know, it's not bad, I know. It's silly.
Not one of Leslie Nielsen's best, but it still had its moments, you know. So I just wanted something silly on that I've seen before and just kind of fucking background, and that's what I got. I got you. I got to catch The Dark Tower. The Matthew McConaughey one? Fucking Stephen King gunslinger movie.
I don't know, man. I never, I'm going to be honest with you, I never read the source material, so I know a lot of people were all pissed off, like it wasn't like this, and it messed this up. I didn't have any of those complaints going into the flick. Okay. I still didn't think it was that fucking great. That's what I heard. Yeah. More to say about that. Then I got to catch this slasher called Shredder.
Shredder. And I think it was on Amazon. Okay. And, you know, it's a good slasher, you know, typical fucking slasher flick, except, you know, the setting for this one is on a... on a ski resort, you know, on a ski mountain. Oh, I see what they did there. Shredder is in order. The fucking slasher. If you like slasher, you'll like it.
It has some negatives about it. Some of the people just look too fucking similar and you forget who the fuck is due. I hate that. And some of the fucking talk where they're trying to be like, total brody, dude. Got a little on my fucking nerve, but it was a slasher. Okay. Sure. Anyway, that's all I got. Hope all is well. Love you back, family. Bye now. Love you too, Tom Hardy. Thanks for calling in.
As a Dark Tower fan, he's right. That movie was Poop? Poop. Oh, man. Yeah, well, I mean. Well, it doesn't, you know, if they would have done what they planned. The plan was to do a movie and then kickstart a whole... thing universe right so the movie would have been the gunslinger which is the first book right and would go into a tv series on amazon it was supposed to be oh and which would have been cool yeah could have been cool
But the movie that they kicked out to us was not The Gunslinger. It was kind of a mishmash between a couple of the other books, and it was a bastardization of it. Shit. Poo poo. Yes. Okay. It's probably the worst Stephen King adaptation that I think that has been made. You're going to tell me that's worse than The Lawnmower Man. Whoa.
Yeah, well... A monkey in a laser tag outfit. Let's be real here, Doug. Well, at least it was... I can't remember the source material. I'm just trying to think if it was... closer to the source material than... I mean, because the Dark Tower was basically just... Took the characters from the source material and made your own thing out of it. It had nothing to do with the books whatsoever, besides the characters' names and whatnot. That sucks, man. Dusty?
Yes, sir. I hate to do this to you. I'm the deciding vote. You are the deciding vote. It is presently four votes for the Xenomorph, four for the Jigsaw Killer. You weren't here last week, so we don't have your vote yet. Who is the winner of this TerraDome matchup? Should it be anonymous in terms of... Oh, no. I'm putting you right on the spot. You're just going to do the spoiler right now. Yeah. Okay. Yeah.
Well, I knew who I was going to take last week. Okay. Because I'm listening to the show. That'll point. And I am full-heartedly going with the Xenomorph. I figured you would. Because. He's just a guy. John Kramer is a guy riddled with cancer. Sure, he's smart. Super smart. Give me that. Give me a break. This is fucking Xenomorph. Yes. Yeah. Acid blood. Acid blood will melt any trap that he puts him through. Face huggers? Yeah. Dude.
Even if it was one single xenomorph. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. He could get out of any trap that he's going to put him in. Easily. Because all you have to do is cut himself and bleed on anything that he's got him trapped in. Okay, he's done. He's out. And now you're in trouble. Right. I agree with you, sir. Especially if your wheelchair runs out of batteries, then you're really fucked. Oh, then you're really fucking dicked, yeah.
Right on, dude. That's all we got on the listener mail. You got anything for Tony, Alan, or Tom Hardy? Thanks, boys, for calling in. Absolutely. Votes are locked in, and let's get into a movie, shall we? Well, that was a pretty wacky trailer. They relied heavily on the visuals. Yeah. That was kind of a... Like three lines of dialogue and a bunch of Fast and Furious sound effects, really. Could have been anything, really, couldn't it?
That was a coffee commercial. That's what that was. It is Creepshow 2 from 1987, Dusty. Yeah, buddy. This is the follow-up to the 1982 Creepshow. Obviously, you've seen that one, too. Oh, yeah. I've seen them both multiple, multiple times. Did you know there's a Creepshow 3? I did, and I was watching this one.
The other night. And it popped up on the Amazon list. And I remember, I haven't seen it. I remember you talking all kinds of shit about it. It's not good. Should I try it just to see? It's not good. By all means. I couldn't bring myself to death. I mean, if you are really glutton for punishment, it's terrible. I'm good. I have watched the majority of the episodes of the...
Creepshow show on Shudder. Some of them are good, some of them are bad. It's just like this. What do you call it? Tales from the Crypt. Some good, some bad. Of course. This one is from 1987. Got six stars on IMDb. Directed by Michael Gornick. Written in part by Stephen King. Stars George Kennedy, Lois Childs, and Tom Savini. Could you spot Tom Savini in this movie?
I had known previously that he was the creeper. He's the creeper. Yeah. And he doesn't really do a lot of acting. No. Not even his voice, but he does do some fun hand things. Look out. This one is the follow-up to the 1982, and it's the same anthology style. Comic book anthology, graphic novel style is the first one. Not as stylized as the first one. The first one was very cool in that...
You constantly got put back into the graphic novel with thought bubbles and frames and things like that. At the end of each segment, they would kind of... flashback into the, like, similar to what they're doing here, but it was more fluid. Yeah. You know, it would... colorize the actual scene to match the comic book color. Yeah, exactly. We don't get so much of that now. We start off in a sleepy New England town, Dusty, just as we are wont to do with Mr. King.
Maine or Massachusetts. That's where he lives. That's where his jam is. Mainly Maine. He did write one book that took place in Nevada. Yeah, it was... Desperation. Yeah, and Rachel, Nevada. Yeah. It was two books. It was Desperation and there was a... The Regulators? Yeah, I think it was basically... It was a two-book... Thing where they were happening concurrently? Yes. That wasn't bad. I wasn't mad at that. Sleepy New England town. Here comes a delivery truck.
delivery driver is the quote-unquote creep, played by Tom Savini, and he's handing out the first editions of the new... Creepshow. Creepshow volume 622 or whatever it is. Whatever it was. Little Billy is there anxiously awaiting his... first edition, gets it, and then we cut to animation. And that's where the wraparound is going to stay right up until the very end. I get it. It's late 80s, but the animation on this really sucked.
It's typical 80s animation. Yeah. It's the same animation you get from, say, Twisted Metal. Yeah. Or Heavy Metal. Yeah. I mean, excuse me. Not Twisted. Heavy Metal. Uh-huh. It's the same style. Style. Very cartridge. Every adult. type cartoon that they adult in quotes that they made back then was that same style of animation very uh
I don't know. I don't know what the word is I'm looking for. A lot of unnecessary movement, things like that. But he gets it, and he starts flipping through it, and then he cuts to the back where there's an ad for some Venus fly traps. That you can send away for. And then we're going to cut to our first story. It's called Chief Wooden Head. Chief Wooden Head. This one's pretty silly. Yeah. And quite racist. I know, right? Wow.
We have a sleepy, dying town somewhere. This was actually filmed in Arizona. The first two segments were. It looks just like a pahrump. Yeah, or Rachel. Rachel, yeah. Is there actually a Rachel in the back? Yes. No shit. I've driven through it many times. Where is it? Out in the middle of BFE. You've got to go to Tonopah and then you take the alternate route that kind of goes south.
east down towards vegas yeah so instead of going straight down 95 i can't remember for the life of me the name of the highway but you go that way if you're gonna go towards like mesquite okay that kind of stuff huh because it goes it drops you out north of vegas but you go right through the you miss it if you blink the town of rachel okay and that's on the alien highway there yeah that i'm sure it is that makes sense there's a lot of weird shit out there oh yeah like a dirt
road that goes off into the desert and then seemingly just disappears into the side of a mountain. There's probably something there. I'm sure there is. I don't think I want to know, to be honest with you. A lot of atomic testing went on out there. Good for them. I'll be over here. We're away from the radiation. The town is dying, and the town is called Dead River.
So I think you kind of screwed yourself. Living up to its name. Yeah, you kind of screwed yourself and called town that. We have a general store owned by a sweet elderly couple. We have what appears to be a gas station. I'm sure there's a trailer park or two. Guaranteed. In this area. And I think it may be on an Indian reservation, excuse me, Native American reservation. Just a... But just a dying, broke town is what it is. The elderly couple that owns the general store is hanging by a thread.
And this general store is weird. They got a bunch of weird shit in there. It's like a multi-purpose. It was like... Hardware slash groceries slash... Like the town's little mini Walmart. Yeah. They got a photo booth in there in case you want to have a good... time i guess i don't know take some pictures of your air sure uh a lot of a lot of weird stuff going on basically the only place you're going to go to get anything in this town is the general store and the town is dying
So they're not getting a lot of paying customers. George and Mary, I believe, are the... Is it Mary or Martha? Martha. You're right. Martha. And they've got a old... Liquor store. Indian chief, wooden Indian chief on the outside. Yeah, like a cigar store, Indian wooden head chief. And George is on the point of applying a fresh coat of paint to him. I guess he goes out there and talks to him all the time, which is great.
He's been there with them since day one. Sure. And who else are you going to complain to your wife about, right? Or complain about your wife, too. Exactly. Exactly right. So he's out there putting a fresh coat of paint on him. The town elder, I guess, shows up. They don't call him the Indian chief, but he's like in charge of the Indians. Did you notice? And I...
I've seen it many, many times. But then this time I watched it just recently, I am thinking to myself, I had never noticed that before. But they were at the gas station. He loads him up in the car, his... Henchman. Well, yeah, his driver, whatever. He loads him up into the car to drive across the street.
To get out. I did not notice that. Yeah. That's great. So he sees them across the street at the gas station. They get all loaded up. Boop. Just right across the street. Open the doors. I did not notice that. That is one lazy thing. Fucking lazy chief. Native American chief. Elder, whatever he was. Hey, you're living in Dead River. You've still got to be the big shot. That's right. I'm going right over there. Come pick my ass up.
What we find out is basically every Native American in this town is indebted to George and Martha, and there's no jobs, and they can't pay him back because they've been buying stuff on credit there from the general store. So here comes... I think he said his name was Ben White.
Ben Whitecloud, that's right. And here he comes to settle the debt. Basically, he took all the jewelry from all the families and he bundled it up in this cool little knapsack thing. And he presents it to George and he's like, hey, take this. And if we can't pay you back in two years, then you keep all this jewelry and stuff. Yeah, the family treasures or whatever. Yeah. And George is like, I can't do that. And he's like, just do it, you fucker. So he's like, all right.
As soon as, this part was kind of fun, as soon as Ben Whitecloud leaves, it immediately turns to night. Yes. You notice that? He's walking outside. They walk him out, and the sun's out. Walk back inside, nighttime, just like that. And it's a red light inside the store to make it more. Even more ominous. And this is where we meet our 80s thugs. Oh, these guys are a lot of fun. We have...
Holt McCallany playing the Native American ringleader of this. Yeah, that's the racist part. He's the whitest guy you ever met in your life. Irish dude. His name is Holt McCallany. Yeah, exactly. We know him from Mindhunters. Yep. Fight Club. Yep. He's a very recognizable guy. He's nowadays... His most recent character obviously was Mindhunter that I can remember. He plays a good cop, FBI guy. That's what they're in, the FBI. So he's...
He is nowhere near Native American. But they did a good job with the spray tan. Yes, they did. And the big black wig. So good for you, you fucking racists. You couldn't find one guy. Not one. One Native American guy. Arizona. You're filming in Arizona. Anyway, he's got two white guys with him, Fat Stuff and Richie Boy. Yep. You've got to have a cool nickname, especially if you're a henchman. I think I would have...
tried to, you know, lobby for not being called fat stuff. Fat stuff. But I mean, how about big fella? Big boy. Yeah, I'll take big boy. Tiny. Tiny. Do the reverse nickname. Yeah, exactly. But he, I mean, he lives up to his name. He's a big fat slob and he seems to enjoy being called fat stuff. And he's living up to it by stealing every Twinkie and ho-ho that's in the place. Right in his fat disgusting mouth.
Oh, he's the worst. Yeah, it's disgusting. But these guys make assholes out of themselves. They trash the store. They steal a bunch of random crap to include uncooked potatoes, comic books. I feel like there was some beef jerky that came up missing. A bunch of red vines. The red vines. That shit was eating the red vines while he was stealing them. Of course, just eating the whole time. I don't think there's a scene in this segment in which he is not either.
drinking a beer or shoveling something into his big stupid face. Agreed. Oh, God. See, now I feel like this is kind of racist against fat people. It's on so many levels. It's 1987. I think you're obligated to be. They trash the place. They're robbing the place also. They take all of George's money. They empty the cash register. We get this long, stupid diatribe from the leader of this...
fucking fun bus is the Native American guy named Sam. And he's got this big stupid idea about... He's Benjamin's nephew. Yes. And he thinks he's going to go be a big movie star because of his hair. Right. Because fucking chicks love hair. Took him six years to grow that. That's right. That was locks. That's right. And he's going to get into the photo booth and just marvel over his magical hair. They're going to say, come on, Sammy, get behind these kids.
cameras we got thousands of chicks neat banging out here get the fuck out of here oh my god i wish i had that kind of self-esteem oh this hair is gonna lead me to getting paid and getting laid and getting paid I can't even. I got a mop top. You know what I mean? I can't do shit with my hair, Dusty. I'm losing it now. You're not made for the movies. No, I've got a face for podcasting.
As we all do. I know, I know. But he's very excited about this. And they're on the point of getting the fuck out of there. They're going to make the rich kid drive them to Hollywood tonight, because this is going down. And unfortunately... a little bit of a not really a struggle but like
So Sam is holding on to Martha and she's like pulling away from him and George is like, Martha, you gotta get her. And then the gun goes off and he blasts Martha right in the guts. And then he's like, oh shit, well now we gotta kill George because fuck him too. Bang, bang. George and Martha are dead and then they go hooting and hollering into the T-Bird and off into the night. And this is when Chief Woodenhead comes to life. He's a little rusty and dusty and crusty.
Took him a minute to get himself up that bench. You know, you got to loosen up a little bit, do some stretches before you go kill some guys. And he's going to go track down these three losers and take it to them. We start off with Fat Stuff, who of course lives in a real nice trailer full of pornographic images.
And dirty underwear and a fridge full of more pornographic images. It's one of those places that you see it on the screen and you can just smell the filth. You can smell that fucking place. Every single beer, of course, he's eating and drinking the whole time. And every empty beer can gets thrown out the front door. Right. Because I guess he just lives out in the desert somewhere, as he should. And pretty soon he gets sniped with some arrows. Two to the...
chest and one to the head. He's out of the equation. A little too quick for my taste. Yeah, he probably got it the easiest out of all these guys. Now we're going to cut to Richie Boy, who is on the point of sneaking out of the house. Stealing the old man's car. Stealing the old man's car. He's got a bag full of stuff. He's got his boom box. Can't go to...
of Hollywood without your boombox. Gotta have tunes. Makes it to the garage where he hears a bunch of glass shattering. Goes in there and sees that his T-Bird has been trashed. He's going, oh, you motherfucker. And then... We don't get to see it, unfortunately, but we see the shadow of Chief Woodenhead sneak up on him with a tomahawk and whack him over the head. There goes Richie Boy. There goes Richie Boy. He was a bit of a scumbag.
Well, I mean, all three of these guys are scumbags. They really played it up that these guys deserve to get fucking whacked. Oh, sure. Yeah. Well, now we're cutting to Sammy, the ringleader of this turd. He's in his trailer, and he's, of course, brushing his magnificent mane of flowing black hair.
He comes out of the bathroom and then he spots Chief Woodenhead standing in the doorway. So he's like, hey, you're not real, man. You're not real. You can't be in here, man. Come on. And he shoots him a couple of times. Of course, it doesn't bother him because he made out of wood. And then he ducks into the bathroom. bathroom and he's about to make an escape out the window when Chief Woodenhead smashes through the wall, pulls him out and scalps him.
And then we cut to the next morning when Benjamin Whitecloud wakes up with his family jewels intact in the bed next to him. I don't see Chief Woodenhead infiltrating. Benjamin Whitecloud's one-bedroom apartment. Sneakily? Yeah. I don't know. Probably a lot of creaking and groaning going on in that old wood. Yeah.
imagine uh but there he is he wakes up and he sees the jewels and he's like oh what the hell so he goes to the the general store which is now all shot up and he sees chief wooden head standing on the uh Back on his perch with Sam's scalp in his hand. And that's the end of your first segment, Dusty. That's it. What do you think of that one? I like it. It's not my favorite out of the three. No. No. It's fine. I mean, you had to know where that was going, right?
Called it Chief Woodenhead, so clearly that guy's going to get up and fuck somebody up. All right, now we cut back to our animated wraparound where we have Billy picking up his package of Venus flytrap bulbs at the post office, and the postmaster gives him a bunch of crap. They're probably just petunias. Yep. All right. Everybody's talking shit to poor little Billy. Well, I mean, he looks like a bit of a turd. You know what I mean? He's a horror dork. He's us.
He is, but he's not really acting like one of us. You know what I mean? Get yourself an interview with a vampire t-shirt or something, Billy. Hey, in the 80s, 86, whatever this was. 87, yeah. What are you going to do? It's true. Monster magazines and mail away back of the book things. Try to get weird shit. Yeah. All right. Now we're going to cut to our second installment, The Raft.
I got to tell you, Dusty, this one fucked me up. Oh. Hard as a kid. Yeah. I mean, like, for months. I had nightmares about this shit, waking up with that crap on my bedroom floor and not being able to get out of bed.
This was the one – I'd probably seen this movie when I was, I don't know, 10, 9, 10. This was the one I remember did scare me the most. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And I think what it was is – how much pain it looked like that thing was inflicting on the kids when he gets well yeah yeah yeah yeah all right well we got uh we got four uh dude bros well two dude bros and two
Two hussies on their way to a lake. Can I just say how fucking annoying Zeke, is that his name? Deke. Deke. You didn't like Deke? Oh. Come on, Poncho. He's the best. He's the best. Come on! I know, but just watching it again and again and again, you're just like, shut the fuck up with your poncho. Well, there's a cute little tie-in. Poncho and Cisco. I know what it is. It's the... The TV shows that they were watching in the first segment. Yeah.
Yeah, so have you read the story that this is based on? It's in the skeleton crew, I think. You're right. You don't get any of this in the movie, but the whole thing is that the four of them are sitting around their college dorm.
getting hammered and it's like uh mid-october and they're like oh we should go out to that lake and for one last time before the summer's over we'll swim out to the raft we'll hang we'll swim right right back and we'll come right back here and keep drinking beer so that's the big plan uh there's a whole subplot going on between uh laverne and deke and randy really wants to get on laverne yep that kind of filtered yeah but they don't give it any uh
context before it happens no in the movie yeah there's a little bit more build up to that and if I remember right I think they made out once or something like that but anyway that's where our story picks up because they're on their way to the lake they get up there there's four Four of them. You've got Deke and Randy, and then the ladies, Laverne and Rachel.
Rachel is like a friend of Laverne's, and she's just trying to meet some new people, and she's not really interested in any of these turds and definitely didn't want to get high and go to the lake, but she's along for the ride. They get to the lake. It's closed. It's clearly closed for the season, but they go anyway, and the water's freezing. They get out.
As soon as they get out, they're like, oh, fuck, it's fucking cold. They get into the water and they're like, oh, shit, that's even colder. But they're committed. I'll give you that. They are committed to this drunken mission of stupidity. I get committed to drunken missions of stupidity sometimes. You get to a point where there's no turning back. I know. You're just like, somebody really needs to come and get me, please. Because I'm not going to talk myself out of this. No. I'm going to do it.
Now it's 3 in the morning and I'm climbing into an ice tank like a jackass. They get in the water. As soon as they get in, they see something on the surface of the water just on the opposite side of the lake. Now, special effects-wise, this was nothing more than some garbage bags and some sludge. I've watched the making of or whatever. Yeah, yeah. Which is fine, but...
I don't know, man. Just something about it just threw me off as a kid. You're a kid, yeah. Yeah, I saw this in the theater when it first came out. Oh, okay. I didn't see it in the theater. They swim out to the raft. Everything's cool. Randy's already like, dude. Something with that. He sees it, yeah. It's eating ducks, which is...
Pretty gnarly, too. And as they're swimming, getting closer and closer to the raft, it starts to move towards them. So Randy starts freaking out. Deke's already on the raft making Poncho and Sisko jokes. Randy's freaking out. Come on, girls, come on. you gotta go and they're swimming and uh rate or laverne gets up there okay but rachel's kind of taking her time so he's trying to help her up and she's like ah you're hurting me uh he gets her on the raft and then
Randy's like, dude, look at this shit. And Deke's like, oh, it's an oil slick poncho. It's worth noting also that he's wearing some canary yellow bikini briefs. Yes. Bit of a douche. Yeah. Bit of a douche. I don't know if there's a bit about it. If you look up douche in the dictionary. There's Deke. There's Deke. Now, if I'm going to a freezing cold lake.
I'm not going to wear something that's going to showcase my package. No. Or lack thereof in this case. You know what I mean? Yeah. No. We're going to the sauna. I'll wear the bikini briefs. Yeah. Well, not at my age, but back then perhaps. At our age, the things start falling out. Yeah, you can't even see the fucking thing. They hang a little lower than the east. I know, I got underwear on somewhere. I don't fucking... I make it sound like we're 80.
We're getting there, homeboy. Halfway. Anyway, they get on the raft, and this thing kind of makes its way to the raft, and now they're all like, oh, what is that? That's gross. Rachel decides she... wants to just go ahead and stick her finger right in it. Bad idea. You've got to poke it with a stick, Dusty. There's no sticks on the rack. Don't touch it. Don't touch it. You should have brought a stick with you. You should have. That way you can stir it around a little bit, you know? Whatever.
She sticks her finger right in the fucking thing and it just shoots right up her arm and pulls her into it. This is where it gets gnarly because Rachel kind of flops around in the water a little bit and then she kind of shoots up and she's like, it burns! It lifts her up. Yeah. You know, basically showcases her to look what I'm doing. Look what I'm doing, yeah. Yeah. Now, in the short story, there was like a weird hypnotic... To lure you in. Kind of like hypnotized you. Which is...
I don't know. It kind of made some allusions to it, especially on this scene with Rachel. When she's looking at it and playing with it with a cigarette. Yeah. Anyway, it basically kind of looks like it dissolved her flesh in a weird way. weird way and then scooped her back down. Now everybody's freaking right out. Holy shit it ate Rachel. It's like the blob. Yeah pretty much. The 1990 blob. Yeah. It just dissolves the bodies that it's in there. Yeah yeah.
That was pretty funny. I like that movie. I do too. That one didn't scare me nearly as much as this one. No. So now they're all freaked out. They're on the raft. The thing is under the raft. And they're like, what the fuck are we going to do? They don't have any oars or paddles or nothing.
They're just standing there. Deke wants to take a run for it or a swim for it. Yeah, he's freaking out. He's like, I'm faster than this thing, man. Come on. Here we go. Everybody's going, dude, just calm your ass down for a second, okay? No, I can beat it. I can beat it.
As he's sticking his chest out, getting ready to... make this thing happen it gets in between the planks on the raft wraps around him and like snaps some of the boards in half and put like does like a reverse scissor thing which is
Not a good way to go, man. His toes are all the way up by the back of his head. It looked very uncomfortable. I don't care for it. I don't want it. I know I can tell you right now I cannot do that. Oh, no. No way. I don't think he could either. That was the implication that it just. Just broke him in half. Just snapped him. Kind of scorpioned him in a weird way. Pulls him down under. Laverne freaks right out and jumps up onto Randy. Randy's like, oh my god, what the hell?
If you keep your feet on the boards, it can't get you. Because it can only get like an inch or two above the boards. So as long as your feet are on the boards, you're good. Which the physics of this thing are, you know, at the end. Okay, if it can't get up through the boards, then how does the end happen? Yeah.
That's a good question. That's a good question. All right, whatever. Anyway, they're freaking out, which is as they should. They just saw two of their friends get killed by this thing. So now we're just kind of stuck here. The thing kind of floats off, gives them a little space for a little while, and they end up spending the night, Laverne and Randy, on the raft.
They take turns kind of watching the thing, and Randy's getting pissed off because Laverne's taking more time to sleep than he is, and Laverne doesn't want to watch the thing because she's tired and she wants to go home. Next morning comes around. kind of strike an uneasy agreement where they're just going to kind of, he's going to hold her, but they're kind of like leaning up against each other. And then they both fall asleep, but it's okay because their feet are on the logs.
And this is where things get a little inappropriate. Oh, yeah. Dusty, now. Randy's going to rape town. A little bit. Or at least molestation town. A little, you know, sneaky, creepy, sneak-a-peek kind of creeper kind of a thing. Very creepy. They're asleep, and Randy waits. He wakes up and he spots the thing off in the distance. So he's thinking he's got some time to make a move here. He lays Laverne down on the raft.
Pops her boobs out for her completely without any consent at all whatsoever. She's not even conscious. Starts like kissing her stomach and she... is kind of looking like she might be into it a little bit. Cause like her head is cocked to the side and she's like, Oh, Oh. And you're Randy's like,
this is about to go down and this is going to make one hell of a weird story to tell the cops, but it's about to go down. And then Laverne finally turns her head and you see that, uh, the, fucking thing is back under the raft and it has gone through the boards and is all over half of her face and now it's just pulling the skin off of her face yep and uh
Way to go, Randy. That's basically murder, I feel like. Basically. It's his fault, for sure. Attempted rape. Yeah, definitely his fault. But at least he's not going to get caught for the rape. Well, yeah. Nobody here to tell that tale, that's for sure.
It pulls her off. It dissolves her. And she's freaking out. Randy! Randy! Off she goes into the thing. She's thrashing around. Randy says, it's showtime for go time. That thing is busy. I'm going to make a move. So he... dives off into the water and swims his fucking ass off the thing is right on on top of him pretty much it's chasing him towards the shore he makes it to the shore and up onto the beach just as the thing is hitting the uh the sand and he's like
I beat you! I beat you! And then it tidal waves him and pulls him back into the fucking lake. Yep. And then the camera pulls back. We see their car with the engine still running. That battery would have been dead long ago. That battery is the real hero of the story. Because that thing was holding on for dear life. Dear life. Playing the radio? Yeah. In the 1980s? Fuck.
Yeah, a little night ranger. No way. That is the biggest suspension of disbelief of this whole entire segment. How dare you? They don't make them like they used to. And then we see the no swimming sign, and then we cut back to our wraparound. I don't know what it was that fucked me up so bad about this particular thing. I think it was the dissolve. It was the... I don't know. For me, I distinctly remember being scared of when they lifted...
The girl up, you know, and she was crying how bad it hurt kind of thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know. It was visceral. Yeah. It wasn't a serial killer stabbing. It looked like it really fucking hurt. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah. So I... We used to go to a lake when I was a kid. Bucks Lake had the same freaking raft. Oh, yeah? And I swear to God. No way. I would haul ass out to that. Look around. Gone. Gone.
Yep, I got you. Yeah, it fucked me up, too. I think that's a good point you make. Because, I mean, if you think about, at this point, I would have been nine years old when I saw this in the theater. I had already been raised on a steady diet of Michael Myers and Jason Voorhees, but they get you. They stab you. You're done. That's it. Your worries are over. This thing is going to fuck you up and play with you for a little while. Nasty.
Alright, now we cut back to our wraparound. Back to Animation Town where Billy has gotten his package and he's riding his bike home and he gets accosted by the local bullies. These are the... dorkiest looking bullies I've ever seen. It was the whole gang of quintessential 80s toughs. They were toughs. The kid was wearing spurs with his boots. On his bike. Yeah, you had the token nerd kid. Yep, with the taped glasses. Taped glasses and the buck teeth.
You had the older brother with the part down the middle, and then a couple of other random doofuses just hanging. Yep, just following the big thing. Yeah, whatever he says. They stop Billy and they're like fucking with him. And then they, I don't think they, they took his package and threw it on the ground. And then Billy kicked the big guy in the balls and hauled ass on his bike.
They ripped it open and he got one of the bulbs out and smushed it. Yeah. Stepped on it. When are you going to cry, baby? You going to squirt a little? You going to squirt a little? Fucking bullies. I know. Then we cut to our final story. I forget the name of this one. The Hitchhiker. The Hitchhiker. That's right. And we're going right to 80s sleaze town, buddy. Right there. We're going to wake up.
In a strange guy's apartment. The young lady in his bed. Apparently the power has gone out. And this is where we're going to find out that this is a gentleman of the evening. Yes, he is. And apparently a... He's doing very well for himself for being a gigolo. I think Richard Gere made this a desirable profession in the 80s. Okay. I feel like most of your paying customers are going to be dudes, to be honest with you. Yeah. I'm just saying. Yeah, it's all glory.
I'm horrified that you're going to be banging these hot rich women. I think you're going to have to take a couple. Yeah. Down south. Yes, you're going to be manning the glory hole, my friend. Oh, this was not in the brochure, Richard. You know what they say about, you know. Being a cocksucker. Yeah.
You can be an engineer and build hundreds of bridges, but you suck one cock. You're a cocksucker. That's all there is to it. It's the truth. Anyway, this young lady wakes up, and unfortunately the power has gone out while she was asleep, and now she's running late. She pays this gentleman for his services. This is very 80s sleaze because we're talking about how he's trying to get a Mercedes Benz and she's already got one, but she's got to haul ass to get home to her husband.
because the power went out, the alarm didn't go off, and she's bent at him for having a digital alarm. Why don't you get an analog alarm? The ring, you wind it up and it rings without power. He's like, no, I like the... sound of birds that the digital alarm clock has. Yeah, it sounds too much like a school bell. Yeah. The analog ones. This one sounds like birds chirping in the morning. You fucking asshole.
No, they don't. Only in 1987 would this make sense. The 1987's digital alarm clocks were just that... Cutting edge. It was not birds. That's cutting edge. Cutting edge technology, Dustin. So she's all bent and she hops into her Mercedes Benz, puts her driving gloves on. As you must. As one does and hauls ass right through our sleepy New England town.
Okay, so according to her, she has roughly seven minutes to get home to travel 20 miles. That's a little bit further than your house to my house. Probably another... Six to eight miles tops. All freeway. I could probably do that in... It's going to take at least 20 minutes. At least, yeah. Not in that...
Even if I did hit nothing but green lights. If the fuel was empty. Well, more to the point. She's in a big hurry, yet she's taking all this time to talk to herself and light cigarettes and fuck around. Whatever, dude. And she refers to herself in the third person. Yes, of course. Mrs. Lansing. Mrs. Lansing. She does a lot of monologuing, and that's 90% of what we're going to get from here on out.
She's stressed out. She's driving home as fast as she can. She's running herself through all these possible excuses. Oh, I'll just tell him I was with Trudy and what's his name? Oh, shit. Then he'll call and ask Trudy and what's his name. And we're seeing them next weekend. Yeah, shit. Well, we can't pull... I'll just tell... him i went to a movie oh fuck i'll just tell him i got banged for 150 bucks but it was a good deal 25 an orgasm that's a shrewd businessman right there uh
She's all stressed out. She goes to light a cigarette. She drops it in her lap and freaks out, loses control of the car, and creams a hitchhiker. Poor black fella in a yellow raincoat holding a sign that says Dover. Apparently he's going to Dover. Maine. Maine. Okay. I thought that was in Delaware or something. I have no idea. I'm sure you're right. I would have to consult. I'm sure you're right. But, yeah, just creams him, takes him right out. She's like, well, fuck.
I'm just going to keep driving. Yep. Takes on off. She peeks around, makes sure nobody's looking, and then she sees headlights coming from around the bend, and she just goes for it. All's ass. Now she's really fucked up, because she's like, well, now I've got to explain why I'm late and why there's damage to the car, and oh...
$1,700 to fix the leather upholstery plus the grills. Another $2,000. $8,000, Mrs. Lansing. Oh, Richard's going to kill me. Body shop prices in the 80s were much less than they are now. I imagine so. Top of the line Mercedes would not be. $8,000 to fix all the shit she does to. Probably would have just totaled it if she went through insurance. Fuck that.
She's all fired off. She gets down the road. We're going to cut back to the scene of the crime where a stately gentleman, charitable fellow, pulls up. right after she leaves and hops out and hops on his 1987 car phone with a great big cord. Cord is still attached. Things the size of a brick. And he's like, I'm going to call 911. And then here comes another couple. And then a truck rolls up and it's driven by Steve himself.
What the hell? One of them fellas car going that way hauling ass. He is not an actor. No. He is not. God bless him for trying, though. And what does he say? He says, what is it? Is it a black fella? Yeah. Now, is that going to dictate the speed at which the help arrives? For Steve, it is, yeah. Steve's going to keep on moving. That's going to take care of itself. Another blatantly racist thing. Totally. Good lord, Steve. Show a little humanity, why don't you? God bless him for trying.
Putting some effort into acting here. Off goes Mrs. Lansing down the road. Now she's freaking out. She goes, I don't know, maybe another 10, 15 miles. There's our hitchhiker again. She actually stops. Turns and looks back and he's gone. And she's like, oh, you're losing it, bitch. And then he pops up right next to her driver's side window. Thanks for the ride, lady.
Yep. Hey, lady. Hey, lady, thanks for the ride. He's all fucked up, man. He's got blood coming out of his head, and there's, I don't know, it looked like part of his skull was showing at this point. She's like, no, no, no. She punches the gas, but he's holding onto the car. So he climbs up onto the roof where I guess she had her sunroof just open.
Middle of the night. Looked like it rained recently, but all right. He starts reaching in and monkey pawing her face. That was a poor choice of words. You're fired. I'm going to edit that out. No, I'm not. But she just takes this fucking Mercedes and goes off Sasquatch hunting. Through the woods. Over the river. Yeah, this is insane. Like, there's no road where she's going. She's just punching it and right.
through a bunch of trees and eventually there's like a dead fall and she smacks the guy off the roof of the car. Yeah, low hanging. Big branch that just sweeps him off the top of the car. Yeah, just knocks him right off. She stops and she's like, oh, fuck. Now there's like steam coming out of the radiator. Everything's all fucked up. She hangs out for a second. Holy cow.
Oh, this actually makes sense. This is why I'm late, because I hit this tree. Okay, perfect. But then he pops up again. Thanks for the ride, lady. And he gets into the passenger side, but she... Just happens to have a gun in the glove compartment. Yeah, she was digging it out of the glove compartment. Yep, and just unloads on him. Blam, blam, blam, blam, blam. Shoots him.
Five, six times. I didn't count. She unloaded the whole cylinder. All of it. Gave him all of it. Gave him all five. Yep. And blew him up pretty good. He goes down again. And then she's like, uh-uh. Closes the door, throws it in reverse. Somehow this fucking car is still running. Yes. Well done. That is a testament to German engineering, my friend. German engineering, dude. And I guess we didn't have airbags in 1987. Oh, no.
No. We were way less worried. We were lucky to have seatbelts. Exactly. She gets back on the freeway. Everything's going good. I don't know, another five, six miles. Then he just creeps up over the hood of the car as if she had been dragging him the whole time. Now he's basically a skeleton with a raincoat. And she's like, no!
Goes plowing through a divider. Takes like a small hill. Goes down. You can see the stunt work on this was actually pretty cool. Because you can see the stunt man on the hood of the car. Yeah, he was banging. Banging on the car as she's firing down the hill. Smashes into. a tree, just head on, backs it up. He's pinned against the tree.
And then she just rams it two, three, four more times. And somehow this Mercedes is still kicking. Still running. Still running. The last run into the tree knocks her. She hits her head on the stairwell. She knocks her out. Comes to, she's like, oh my god, but he's gone, so she's thinking, it was all a dream. I just dreamed it. I got into an accident here, hit the tree, and I just made the whole shit up. Oh, thank god, I'm in the clear.
So she puts it in reverse, drives all the way home. Now this car is fucking fucked. There's like smoke coming out. It's making all kinds of engine knocking noises. Pulls into the garage. It's like a fucking inferno going on in there. And then, of course, he creeps out from underneath the car. And now he's just a meat sack with one eye. He's just a bloody raincoat in a beanie hat, really. And then he just...
And she screams and freaks out. And he starts licking her face. Why not? Why not do it, man? Get in there. And then her husband pulls in, I don't know, maybe 10, 15 minutes behind her. An hour later. And it turns out that he is the guy that stopped to help the poor hitchhiker. And he's like, oh, honey, there's an accident. But he opens the garage door and all this smoke comes billowing out.
And then that's when we find out that I guess she's just dead with the Dover sign in the driver's seat. And that's the end of that one. Yeah. You know, I'm thinking because when he opens the door. you see a bunch of smoke billow out, right? And so I'm thinking that she died of carbon monoxide poisoning. That would make sense, yeah. And I don't know if, because, you know, it was obviously he was a ghost of some sort, right? Or some kind of a...
because the real body was there with her husband and racist Stephen King. Of course. And... So I don't know if they're trying to imply that she died from carbon monoxide because the car was running when she had the door closed. I would imagine. But there's blood and shit all over the car. Yeah, but you could say it was hers from all the time she got knocked around.
But I mean like on the hood and stuff. Oh, yeah. Well, I guess it could be the blood from the initial. The initial impact. Yeah, that's true, yeah. And then you could just say that like that whole thing was just her own guilt. Yeah. You know, of the whole thing. I don't know. I don't want to read too much into it. Ah, fuck that. Silly.
That's what she gets for being a cheating whore. Exactly. And that's pretty much the end of your movie. We cut back to our animation where Billy has led the bullies to some kind of a quarry or a gravel pit. And they catch up to him and they surround him. And then the giant Venus fly traps spring out of the ground and eat the bullies. And Billy takes off. And then we cut back to real-time TV movie.
And then we see Tom Savini throwing issues of Creepshow out of the back of the car as his weird delivery truck drives away. Yep, cackling as he goes. Cackling like the maniac he is. I love it. What did you think of this movie, Dust? Oh, I love it. I watch it. At least probably once a year. Usually on the 31 for 31, I just didn't catch it this year, this time. That's a good one to add to the list. I never thought of this one. Yeah.
It's one that, like I said, it's rewatchable. Both of them. Both one and two. I've watched them so many times. I think I like one a little bit better. Yeah. Just because Leslie Nielsen as a villain is really something. Yes. I like that. I do like that segment. I wish there was more segments in this one because the first movie has five. It would be nice if they had one additional. Really, the only one of these three that were actually written by Stephen King was The Raft.
The other two were just... made up screenplays for the purpose of this movie. And they're kind of tired too, the plots. Right on. It is currently streaming on Tubi. If anybody hasn't seen it yet, I'm pretty sure you have. It's on Prime too. Is it? Yeah. Very nice. I have a disc around here somewhere. that I watched. Check that shit out, inmates. Let's take us a little break there, Dust. Sounds good.
Hey, inmates. If you like what you hear, head over to the Padded Room Facebook group and support us through the patron link with a small monthly donation. Check out the T-Villain link at paddedroom.podbean.com and grab some t-shirts. Thanks for listening and enjoy the rest of the show. And we are back, Dusty. Yes, sir. I just had a crazy thought. What's that? Hang out with me on this. Okay. The Hitchhiker. Mm-hmm. Not... actually a hitchhiker. He's actually an STD that she got from the gigolo.
That's what she got. Fast-acting mutagenic syphilis. Syphilis, okay. Eating away at her brain. All right. Which caused the initial car accident. And then after that, it was all just a delusion of... Just like a worm. A worm. A worm gets in her... brain and just a flesh-eating worm. Nobody wore condoms in 1987. Why would you? That's what it is, dude. I just cracked the case. It's very plausible. Stupid.
All right, man. I'll tell you what's not an STD. The Terra Dome. Terra Dome. No tears, please. It's a waste of good suffering. gonna hurt you. You didn't let me finish my sentence. I said, I'm not gonna hurt you. I'm just gonna bash your brains in. I'm gonna bash them right the fuck in. I'll kill you all. I'll try to be crazy and I'll kill you. I'll be crazy. I'll be the worst dream come true. Six-year-old child with this blind eye. His emotions face The blackest eyes The devil's eyes
To the TerraDome. Last week's winners up first. In singles competition, we had the Xenomorph versus the Jigsaw Killer. john knew he was no longer alone in the complex it was a peculiar feeling being hunted he couldn't help but wonder if this was what his victims felt like just before they awoke in one of his games. Now he was in a different game, strung up and covered in something, with something else growing inside of his chest. With a vote of 5-4, the Xenomorph advances over the Jigsaw Killer.
You proud of yourself? I am. You did it. You know, I had to offset Tony's spite vote. That was a spiteful vote. You know what? If he's just picking against me, then whatever, dude. You're not even thinking about it. Son of a gun. Let's take a look at this week's matchup, shall we? This is for the Inferno Conference Championship, ladies and gentlemen. As usual, bear with me. I'm not much of a writer.
A cold wind blew through Haddonfield, chilling the surviving residents to the bone. The Halloween massacre had been a harrowing event for the small town, but the fact that the Myers boy was still out there left the people of Haddonfield terrified. From across oceans of time he could feel her fear. It was sharp and aching. His love had returned yet again and she was in dire peril.
Vlad had seen her come and go several times throughout his lifespan, each time taking a new name and a new generation, popping up all over the living world, only to die again and again before he could grant her the vampire's kiss. you This time in the New World, North America, she takes the name Lori Strode. She's being hunted by someone or something. Of that, Vlad was positive. He will have to get to her before it gets to her or risk losing her for another lifetime.
Singles competition, we have Michael Myers versus Dracula, Dusty. That's a good one. That's a tough one. That's a movie I'd watch. Me too. You know, there's really no evidence. To suggest that Michael Myers, as tough as he is, is anything other than a guy, right? I mean, you had that weird theory in The Curse of Michael Myers that said he was like this... Embodiment of evil. Yeah, some kind of a...
Halloween deity thing from the old world. But that never really went anywhere. No. So, and Paul Rudd was behind it too. I don't trust that guy. No. Ant-Man rubs you the wrong way. Well, I mean, in that movie, he did. I'm going to go with Dracula on this. I like Michael Myers. Halloween ends, dude. Up until that point. There's been a lot of shit Dracula movies, though, too. Fuck, you're right. There has been. Dracula 2000? Give it a rewatch. It's not as bad as you have. I have.
There are some aspects of that movie that are quite nice. Gerard Butler is Dracula. Some say it doesn't work. I agree. What do you think, man? Dracula or Michael Myers? Oh, man. As much as I love Mikey, he's one of my favorites. I just don't think he has the tools in the toolbox to take out old.
He's a thousand-year-old vampire. He can turn into all kinds of shit. He's the vampire. He's the vampire of the vampires. I agree. That's your Terradome matchup for the Inferno Conference, ladies and gentlemen. Michael Myers versus Dracula. Get us your votes by next week if you can. Mental Health Hotline, of course, is area code 775-387-0275. Or just hit us on the email. Go to paddedroompodcast.com and hit the email link there.
Let us know what you think of that. While you're pondering that, we have to tell you what movies we got to watch this week in a little segment called What Are You Looking At? What are you looking at? Have you ever seen a movie called Deadstream? It's a good show, right? I liked it. YouTube streamer goes into a haunted location, makes a world-class vagina out of himself. Oh, that's great. There's another movie that came out about a year later.
that I just investigated. It's called Hashtag Chad Gets the Axe. You heard of this? No, I have not. It's basically the exact same movie, except with a much less likable crew of doofuses. that go into a haunted location to live stream. Of course, they all get butchered. Is it as entertaining as Deadstream? I wouldn't say so. No, it's very predictable.
A bad character can really ruin a movie for you. Oh, yeah. Agreed. Sometimes you take what I call the Heather Donahue effect. You take a good movie. And you just put one fucking bitch in it and it almost ruins the movie. But then you realize... She's supposed to be that way. You're supposed to hate her. Yeah. And then you're like, ah, yeah, but I still hate her. You know what I mean? They've done a real good job of giving me a hater. You're making me a hater. Congratulations, I guess.
2022, Chad gets the axe streaming on Shudder. If anybody's interested, it's fine. It's nothing to write home about. Lake Nowhere from 2014. This is the movie I told you about last week. Couldn't think of the motherfucking name. Was it as good as you remembered it? Absolutely. It's a great show. Check it out. It's super low budget. I managed to track down a Blu-ray copy. I spent a lot more for it than I should have, but it's pretty hard to find.
Good show. You got kids partying in a cabin at a lake. Turns out if they go into the lake, if they actually swim in the water, they get... basically zombified, and then they start attacking their friends. Oh, so it wasn't the killer. But the killer does a pretty good job on what few remaining friends manage to... So it's a dual threat. It's a double threat. Cabin in the Woods. Yes. Oh, boy. Works out pretty nicely. It's practical effects. Has a very early 80s feel to it. Great show.
Very low budget, too. And then today, right before you got here, I watched Contracted from 2014. You seen that one? Oh, yeah. One of my favorites. Goddamn. Those maggots coming out of the vagina. That is disgusting. When he's banging her and he's like, this kind of tingles. It's weird. Oh, God. That is disgusting. How do you not smell that? How do you not smell that if it's that bad? That's another one of those where you...
look at it and you're like, that's gotta be the most horrendous thing you've ever smelled in your life. I mean... don't even look at it is what you got to do. You couldn't smell it. Like you said, I mean, well, I mean, there's like a scene leading up to that where she's like graciously applying makeup and trying to cover up all the rotting skin and stuff and putting perfume on. And they did a,
good job of like uh leading up to that with him being so in love with her and chasing her you know uh seeing her at work and you know oh you need you want to talk to somebody oh i'm here for you and all that stuff and then she finally calls him over to bang him Maggots coming out.
That's a great show. You know what? That was another one that was really hard to find on Blu-ray. Was it? Yeah, I had to go to one of those bootlegger dudes on eBay. Oh, the Wayfair bootleggers? Or eBay? Yeah, yeah. I guess they do it on eBay too. They do it on Etsy too. Etsy, that's what it is. Not Wayfair, yeah. I'm sure they do it on one.
Those guys have a fucking racket set up. And it's just doofuses like me and Jason throwing wads of cash at them. Can you get me a Return of the Living Dead 3 on a 4K transfer, please? Of course I can. $55. Meet me in the alley. Plus shipping. Exactly. That's all I'm looking at, Dust. What do you got?
I got a few things here. It's been a couple weeks. I started watching, I don't know if you ever started watching the Horror's Greatest. It's on Shudder. Yeah, yeah. They got a second season out now. Nice. Some of them are good. Some are not. Like the last most recent episode is all about horror scores. Oh. And I think I fell asleep. Okay. You know. But I don't know. I just like watching those kind of things. Nostalgic. They put in. It's like the.
Into Darkness. In Search of Darkness. In Search of Darkness. Yeah, those are great. Yeah, I love those. I've watched all three of those. There's three of them so far, right? And now they're making a... In Search of 90s or something? They're making another one with 90s movies. 90s movies. Oh, that would be cool. Yeah, right on. We watched Gladiator 2. It's not horror, but we gave it a watch. What did you think? So, at first, I was like...
It's the same fucking movie. Different guy. Very reminiscent of the first movie in the beginning. And then it kind of gets its own legs there towards the middle. Like I said, it was fine. It was definitely not... The first one. I mean, that wouldn't...
I loved that movie when it came out. Oh, yeah. I still watch it. It's still a great movie. That Joaquin Phoenix plays a ripe fucking prick, doesn't he? He always does. He always does. He's just like, oh, God, I hate that guy. Fucking asshole. That's what he's doing his job, right? He is. Yeah.
He's not quite King Joffrey bad, but he's still pretty bad. Yeah. The dude that's the bad guy in this one, one of them, one of the emperors, because it's dual emperors, his two brothers, is the Metallica kid from Stranger Things. Oh, no. Yeah. I like that guy. And the guy, he's in the Quiet Place new one, too. Yeah. But, yeah, he's one of the Greek emperors in this one. Man. But, no, it was good. But, you know, like I said, it got its own...
Identity there. Okay. Halfway through and it ended up being a decent flick. Right on. Went and watched The Wolfman. The Red Queen and I. What did you think? I liked it. I mean, it's getting kind of shat on. It's kind of split, you know, with the critics and the users. It wasn't your typical... Howling slash hack and slash, you know, werewolf movie, right? No, it's more family drama, right? It was more family slash, you know, childhood drama.
trauma deals, and then kind of body horror more. Really? Yeah. Okay. It all takes place over one evening. Oh, shit. And it's... I don't want to... ruin it because it's new yeah he's not even out on streamer yet but i mean i dug it so i'd probably say like a seven i think i told jason i gave it a 7.3 or you guys 7.3 out of
10, you know. Cool. But yeah, I dug it. It wasn't, like I said, it wasn't the typical, you know, Benicio Del Toro, that last wolf band. It was more drama kind of ish, you know. But they did a lot of really cool. new things with the indications that the change was coming you know like really neat you know like You know in that shit American werewolf in Paris where they could see when you look through the werewolf size and it's like gold hue-ish? Yeah.
The things that they do in The Wolfman are like, oh, that's fucking cool. That's really smart. How they changed camera perspectives from the guy to reality or what everybody else is seeing. morphs into what he's seeing as the change comes on him. It's freaking cool. Right on. So it's a lot of cool little, like I said, new things, but it definitely doesn't follow any of the tropes of the full moon, the silver bullets. It's all, like I said, more of a... body horror type contagion. Oh, okay.
than anything so nice but anyway yeah we liked it we both liked it very cool watched the movie called I was just cruising around after I watched Creepshow the other night on Prime and this one came up on the, hey, did you want to watch this? You might like this.
That thing is a lying bastard sometimes. It is. I hate that thing. I get sucked in a few times, but I clicked on this one because I thought, well, fuck it, I'll just watch this and I'll probably fall asleep in the Lazy Boy. It's called The Frankenstein Complex. It basically is... the history of special effects, makeups and things in horror. Okay.
I really like that kind of behind-the-scenes stuff. I used to watch that face-off show, and this goes into the Rick Bakers. I mean, it starts with 1933 Frankenstein and how Boris Karloff got that makeup on himself and then developed all kinds of... the techniques that these guys would kind of follow in the foot system and then just the steps that they've made all the way up into including, you know, the...
mesh between practical and digital effects. That's cool. That was a cool show. I liked it. If you're a horror dork and you like to watch that kind of stuff, it'd be up your alley. Right on. And then we watched Getaway on Shudder. Getaway. It's a movie written by and starring Nick Frost. The... Guy, the fat or the chubby British fellow that's friends with Sean in Shaun of the Dead. Yeah, of course. Is it getaway or get out? It's getaway. Getaway.
Like a getaway, like a holiday, like the British would call their vacation. Got it. Getaway. Getaway. Yeah. Not like... Get away from me. No, no, no. It's like, get away. Are we going to go to get away, love? You liked it, though? Yes, I did. I've seen the, not the trailer, but like the thumbnail. Thumbnail, yeah. Looks more like a horror comedy type. It is. It's definitely a horror comedy, but it...
it works. It's, you don't, it's, it's cool. It has a pretty big twist. Yeah. This, I won't say anything about that, but it was, you know, a, English family, mom, dad. The dad is played by Nick Frost, the mom. And then two shithead teenagers, a boy and a girl, right? Going on a holiday to, they're going to, where is it? Norway? No.
Denmark? I don't know. Sweden. Sweden. They're in Sweden, but they asked to go out to an island where basically this atrocity happened way back in colonial times where...
There was a contagious disease on the mainland, and then basically the English quarantined all the Swedes on this island, and they ended up quarantining them for too long, even though they didn't have to because the contagious virus was... done off the mainland but they told him wasn't ended up turning into cannibalism shit so they basically go out to this island to check it out yeah on their holiday yeah
Things run afoul. Things run afoul. They're having their remembrance of Caratan is what they call it. Okay. And it's a lot of funny, fucked up Swedish shit. Thanks. And just English. Humor just gets me. I don't know. It just makes me giggle. Right on. I'm into it. Right on, dude. Well, I guess it's time for some immersion therapy then. All right. Immersion therapy.
What did you think of Woman of the Hour there, Dusty? I actually dug it. I really did. I did too. I mean, there's a true crime aspect to it. Yep, and I went down the rabbit hole after I watched the movie. So did I. I sure did. I looked at the pictures, which is something I shouldn't have done. Yeah, dude. Rodney Alcala, the dating game killer is what he was called. He was a fucking loon. He did not look that... There was obviously a similarity, but the guy that played...
him in the movie. The real guy was much better looking. Yes. He had like a nice feathery mane of whoosh. That guy just looked like a disgruntled Native American. Yeah. I always get the girls. Yeah. I think I could kick Rodney Alcala's ass. I don't know if I could kick him. The real guy? Yeah. I don't know if I could handle that dude. That dude looked big to me. He looked big, yeah. Yeah.
More crime drama, I guess, than horror. There was definitely horror elements. There was, yeah. Especially when he was... Like that scene in the parking lot. That was pretty... Oh, fuck. Where he just keeps following her and asking her questions. That was very tense. Finally, she's like, I'm not going anywhere with you. He mutters under his breath.
Fuck, I'll cash her brains in. She's like, what? Excuse me? And then he puts his hand on her car. God damn, son. It was good. She did pretty good. I think that was her directorial debut. And I thought she did a great job. It's funny how sometimes comedic actors, when they dip their toes into the horror, they... Usually tend to do pretty good. Yeah, you know, that heretic, I think Hugh Grant did a great job of being a villain in that one. I loved it. Yeah, totally.
Right on. But, yeah, I dug it, and I went down the rabbit hole and looked at it. The first thing I did was, okay, I've got to find out more about this guy, what he really did. And so I went down and figured out which episode he was on last podcast. on the left they did yeah they did like two episodes yeah they did a two spot on them and then some of the I mean the shit that they say and then what actually happened they don't know they're attributing possibly 130 yeah murders slash rapes yeah
The movie that we just watched does not show half of the shit that this guy did. Yeah, it's pretty gnarly. He was a sick fuck. Yes, and it just goes to show you, dude, you can... I mean, I'm not saying hot chicks are gullible, but if you've got a camera in your hand, usually get them to do whatever you want. If you learn about the real story, he's luring. kids. Yeah. 12 year olds and shit. Yeah, exactly. Like with that line. Yeah. And he's a fucking. Fucking.
Well, he's dead now. Yeah, he's dead. So we got that going for us. But he lived to the age of 77 and died of a heart attack in prison. In prison, though. Yeah, and if I remember right, they arrested him once. He got out on death. They arrested him three times. Three times. This shows you the... The law enforcement system. Yeah. He served prison time for a rape of an eight-year-old. Eight-year-old. And they charged him with...
and he got out within, I think, two years. Ugh. Yes. Fucking horrible. That's nasty, dude. And the only reason he didn't kill her is because he was caught mid-act by a cop who saw him running out. The cop was the... Oh, no. This is a different... He got off on this other one where basically this woman was screaming for help. He had already raped her and everything. And he was running out of the house. This cop just happened to come by.
I don't know where it was in. He hit up across the country between New York and San Francisco and L.A. Anyway, this cop saw him. Oh, no. It was the eight-year-old girl. Yeah. And she was Hispanic, I believe. And then after this all happened, she healed. And he bashed her freaking head. Ugh. And...
She healed up. She says she doesn't remember anything about it. The parents took her to Mexico just to try to put everything behind them. He got off on that one. He was arrested for it. He got off on that one because... the parents wouldn't come back to America to testify. This is in the 70s, right? And the cop saw him running out of the house when he found the child, and he still couldn't get...
Put in prison for that one. That's dope. Isn't that fucking horrendous? I'm so glad that our justice system is a little better nowadays. Somewhat, yeah. I mean, this was 1968, 70, something like that. Yeah, something like that. But, yeah, he served a couple prison sentences. And on that positive note, what do you got for us this week, Dusty?
I thought we would do Getaway. It was a good one. I liked it. Let's check that out. It's Getaway, streaming on Shudder Inmates, starring Nick Frost from 2023. Check that shit out, inmates. We'll do the same and compare notes next week. week but now you must educate
It's time for a round of who's your dad. You're doing so well. You see what the problem is, is that Tom Hardy calls up and he's like, I got you on the education this time. I'm not doing that anymore, Tom Hardy. It's who's your daddy. You need to call up and say, I'm your daddy. Exactly. And this is who I am. Exactly. You're right. That's how you do it.
Who is daddy? First, my clues from last week. I am about... It's the last day of school, goddammit. And I'm very excited. I'm a hot young lady on the track team. And goddammit, if all my friends and track star teammates don't start dying around me. There's some kind of a slasher on the loose. I think it might have something to do with this young lady that was on the team at the start of the year that died of an asthma attack after our coach pushed her too hard.
I am, of course, graduation day, Dusty. Yep. That's a silly fucking movie. Yes, it is. That's a silly fucking movie. I don't know if anybody's paying attention or not, but all of the Who's Your Daddies this month have one thread in common, and I'll illuminate you here in a few minutes. But first, who might I be this week, you ask? Well, Dusty, it is Christmas time in the city. Yay. I've been charged with watching my younger brother, and...
Well, I put his ass to sleep, and now my boyfriend is coming over, and I am hot to trot, and we are going to get it on right here on the pool table in my dad's game room with the wood paneling and the... strangely out of place not deer head but just a set of deer antlers sticking out over the doorway i hope and pray there is not a santa claus killer loose in my neighborhood because if there is
My hot body might just end up on those deer antlers. This is about as easy as it's going to get, you motherfuckers. You better get this one. As I was alluding to, inmates, there is a common thread between... behind all of this month's Who's Your Daddies, they all star our next month's Horror spotlight. It's Miss Linnea Quigley. Yay. What do you mean yay? Yay. I'm excited. I love her. I feel like there was some sarcasm there. There was none. It was.
Hey there. It was unintentional, I promise. So that being said, inmates, join us next week for graduation day, kicking off Linnea Quigley Month here in the padded room. Other than that, I think that's about all we got for the week. You got anything?
else on the week big guy i'm good all righty uh like comment subscribe of course wherever you found this show that helps our visibility quite a bit do have a patreon patreon campaign running if anybody gives a shit just go to paddedroompodcast.com you find everything you need there That being said, for Dusty, Buddy and Absentia, hot co-eds that find themselves on the business end of some deer antlers, Santa Claus Killers, Linnea Quigley.
Tom Savini, and the Padded Room Podcast. I'm afraid visiting hours are over.