No point in deleting it now. You've already downloaded it, so you might as well hang out for another hour and a half and... Padded Room Radio is on the air, you animals. You filthy, filthy animals. My name is Darian. I am here again for another week of horror news. Movies, boats, games, video games, the whole fucking shit. I brought it all, and I brought it alone tonight again, you motherfuckers. Buddy and Chuck have ghosted me again!
They do it to me every week. That's okay. I don't mind. I don't care, dude. I'll do it by myself. Whatever, man. They're out again this week. That sucks. I might. I might. might have a special guest coming in next week that's not confirmed and i'm not don't ask me who it is because i'm not going to tell you it's a fucking surprise you assholes so um Yeah, it's just me again tonight, inmates. Sorry about that. I know how much you guys love my nasally drones and my monotones.
And the sound of my disgusting voice sounds like I'm having a stroke most of the time. I don't think I am. I think I'm okay. But I can't stop talking about horror movies. And that's what I'm going to do here tonight with you. For probably a good hour and change. Maybe two hours. I don't know. I don't know how long I'm going to go. I never do. What do we got? I got horror news. I got listener mail. I got all the usual shit. How was your Thanksgiving? How did it go?
Mine was okay. I'm not going to complain about the people that I chose. The people that I chose to spend my Thanksgiving with are not the people that showed up to my Thanksgiving. Dude, I'm not even going to get into it. I'm going to get myself in trouble. Somebody's going to hear this and call... a random in-law, and then word's going to get around, and then fucking... My wife won't have sex with me for a month if I keep running my mouth. I'm just going to say it was okay. Everything's okay.
We survived the fucking Thanksgiving. Thank you very much for asking. I hope yours was well. Did you overdo it? Is that what happened? Did you eat too much? We do something here in Reno called the turkey trot or the gobble for the wobble.
Wobble before you gobble. I don't know what the fuck that thing is. It's these two running events. They take place on Thanksgiving morning. And you've got to do it before you eat because you've got to be down at the starting line at like 6 a.m. Crank that son of a bitch out and then come home.
and be miserable for the rest of the day with the people that you didn't choose to spend Thanksgiving with, but just magically showed up at your house to wreck your kid's room. Thank you very much for that. Now that I'm done venting, we can move on with the show. All right, you motherfuckers. Enough about me and my bullshit. I got horror news. I got listener mail. I got all kinds of shit to talk about. Let's jump right in, I say with a little horror news.
Horror news. Yes, you may. Have you guys ever seen a movie called Siak? Siak. Sick. Sick. S-I-C-K. It's not a bad show. It's been streaming, I think it came out 2022. Went straight to Paramount Plus, as I recall. Nobody in it that we would recognize. Basically, you got a slasher taking place during quarantine.
during like the the height of the coronavirus pandemic when everybody was paranoid and oh my god you're gonna kill my grandma because you just blew your nose 13 feet away from me all that stuff um It's not a bad show. You would think that it would be very postured with its politicalization, I guess. I'm going to tell you it's not.
It kind of is. I think it's making fun of the... the the coronavirus paranoia more than anything it's a good show uh you can find it streaming out there somewhere it's presently gonna get it gonna get the uh scream factory 4k blu-ray treatment So that's cool. More physical releases, dudes. That's what we need. You know what I'm saying? You put it out there, I'll probably buy the fucking thing.
is is good is i'd say it's good enough for me to pick up on blu-ray i'll do that i'll buy it on blu-ray why not why wouldn't i do that uh what else we got here trailers are up for dexter original sin the new uh dexter series coming to showtime um I just renewed. Well, I didn't renew. I just reinstated my Showtime subscription. Not necessarily for Dexter. I am wanting to get caught up on this Yellow Jacket situation.
I don't know, Jason Harrell was all hot and bothered by it. Dude, I'm trying to get caught up, alright? I'm not doing a very good job, because the majority of my life is spent... in on or around a flag football arena these days but I'm trying to get caught up so get off my fucking back not that anybody's actually on my back but I saw the trailers for this. I don't know who the dude is that's playing Dexter, but he looks spot on like Michael C. Hall. So I wouldn't a huge Dexter fan to begin with.
I might check it out. I might see what's going on there. Looks like Smile 2 is hitting Paramount Plus later this week. I heard good things. I heard it might be better than Smile 1. I was not... All that impressed with Smile 1. You got a creepy fucking smile. Okay, that's only going to get you so far. You got to kind of have a story, a decent story to go with the smile situation. So...
It is fine. I'll say it's fine. That's one I will probably not go out and buy unless I decide to go on a Kyle Gallner horror shopping spree, in which case I should probably put Smile. on the Kyle Gollner shelf, because you know how gay I am for Kyle. I'm gay for a lot of dudes, but he is like probably top.
Six, seven, I don't know. Anyway, it's going to hit Paramount Plus later this week. Very exciting. I've got some even more exciting news, you sons of bitches, while we're talking about sequels. Eli Roth has confirmed.
that Thanksgiving 2 will begin filming early 2025. I really liked Thanksgiving. I know a lot of people didn't. I don't care. I thought it was a good show. It felt very much like it could have been... um a scream a better version well it would have fit into the scream franchise um if it did and they gave the thanksgiving dude the ghost face mask i would easily put it
Probably number two for me in the Scream franchise. I would go Scream 1, Thanksgiving, then Scream 4, then 2, then 3. Well, I don't... I don't even want to bog you down with that. But yeah, I thought it was a good show. I liked it. I don't think they can bring Patrick Dempsey back because I believe he was killed.
and dismembered at the end of thanksgiving but i could be wrong it's been a while since i've seen that uh what else we got here you guys play board games at all i know i do uh my kids have been uh really on the horrified games. Are you familiar with these things at all? They're board games. There's four of them right now. And basically what they entail is like a group of monsters and you as the players have to work together to take down the monsters. So of the four...
For games, you have Horrified Universal Monsters, which was the first one. That one has Dracula and Frankenstein and the Wolfman. It's pretty dope. Then you have Horrified... american american nightmare i think it's called and you've got like bigfoot and uh the mothman and the jersey devil and that one that one's pretty cool too then you have horrified uh greek legends which was the one we played the other night, that one has Medusa and Harpy and Minotaur.
and stuff like that. You've got to team up to try to fight those guys. And then the last one that just came out was Horrified World of Monsters. That one has Cthulhu, a weird Chinese jumping vampire ghost thing. um some other things that escape my mind right now reason i bring all this up is because horrified uh for that last one i mentioned horrified world of monsters is going to drop a krampus expansion uh limited edition so
If you're like me or my kids and you love yourself some Horrified, you're going to want to grab that Krampus expansion. The miniatures they got for the Horrified games, they're pretty cool. I don't know if they're worth painting because... I don't know. I've been on kind of a miniature painting kick lately. I'm not going back to Warhammer 40,000. I know what a lot of you guys are saying, Darian, don't do it. I can't, man. I can't. I got kids.
Dude, that shit is expensive, and it has only gotten more expensive since I quit playing, so... I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it. What I will do is buy a bunch of horror board games that come with miniatures, and I might paint those from time to time. Yes, I am still a virgin, actually.
All right, you fuckers. That's all I got on the horror news. I say we kick it over to some listener mail. And you better not be making fun of me for painting miniatures either, you assholes. Do what I want. Listener mail. Let's start things off with an email here all the way from Sydney, Australia. It's the dummy of horror himself team is in the house.
Subject line, aliens and butt nuggets. Alright, not a combo that I expected to hear about, but I'm interested to see where you're going with this, Tim. What's up, you cheesy butt nuggets? Maybe all three of you, but if it's only one butt nuggets, that's cool, too. Well, it is just me tonight, Tim. Oh, and I'm a little gassy. I'm sorry. Hope everyone is well this week and feeling the Christmas spirit. So, Low Lives is a movie.
Pretty damn good movie, if you ask me. Darian, firstly, thank you for doing this film. It's a movie I've been meaning to check out for months, but kept forgetting about. And if it wasn't for you, I might not have seen it this year. But I'm glad I did, because this could be in my top ten. favorite horror films of 2024 i did not see the multiple twists happen ah okay i'm glad you liked it tim um we'll get into that
I will definitely expand on that. Word of caution, if you have not seen it yet, I think it's best watch knowing as little as you can before checking it out. I agree, and heads up, everybody. I'm going to spoil the shit out of this one. If you haven't seen Low Lives, go ahead and stop this podcast right now. Go check it out or listen to this podcast and decide if you want to check it out or not. Either way, whatever you want to do.
On the pterodome, dude, it's the xenomorph. I've never seen subspecies, so I'm a little biased, but even so, it's the alien for the win. I gotta agree with you, Tim. Those movies are okay. They're silly. The first one was mainly spank material for the average 10-year-old. 10 to 14-year-old before he had access to YouPorn. It's very wacky.
vampire situation and anders hove is pretty much a one-trick pony he actually plays radu in subspecies uh that's all he's basically made a career out of radu and that's all that he does too i i think he might actually believe that he is radu at this point i don't know what he's doing uh right on tim i'm gonna put you down for the xenomorph there amigo and uh what else did tim have to say here
Darian, I actually have no idea who you are, but I'm going to take a stab and say, Alien, you're very close, Tim, but no. If not, then I have no clue. I am a horror dummy for a reason. That's really all I've got this week. Hope all... My fellow inmates are doing great, as you guys are too. Much love, team. Thank you very much for writing in there, Tim. Yeah, I'm fine. I think I'm okay.
Yeah, I got in the ice tank today, and that sucked, but I am doing it, and I'm not getting sick this year. So I don't know why I even brought that up. See what happens when there's nobody here for me to talk to? I just kind of... Trail off on my own wacky trains of thought. It gets stupid very fast. That's all I got on the emails. I do have some voicemails coming at us here, inmates. Here comes the big man in Alabama. Alan's in the house.
What's up? What's up, Alan? Enjoy the solo shows, man. Well, thank you very much. Thank you. Anyway, Pterodome, give me the Xenomorph. I knew it. Mr. Darian, you are Event Horizon. You are correct, sir. Let's see what I watched this week. I watched Thanksgiving. Okay. I watched First Maniac Cop. That's a good one.
I watched these other two movies I wanted to see when I was little in the video store. Psycho Cop 1 and 2. Okay, never heard of it. Part 1's not very good. Part 2 is better. You almost see like... Julie Shrine's butt hole in that one. Okay. Anyway, that's all I got. I'll talk to y'all later. Bye. Oh, I miss her. I think she just passed away recently, didn't she, Julie Shrine? oh god she was i believe um like penthouse pet of the year i want to say like 1992 ish screaming hot
Her main claim to fame was, I guess she was like the heavy metal girl. Remember that heavy metal magazine? It was like a weird graphic sci-fi novel. magazine situation i think it's still out there somewhere but uh she was there was like a heavy metal 2000 movie and she was like the heavy metal girl there was also a heavy metal 1982 movie that's animated, but John Candy did a lot of the voice talent for it. I don't know. I know she started popping up in a bunch of B-movies.
And I think she passed away here not too long ago. That sucks. She was screaming hot. You can find her naked with a quick Google search. I don't think she ever did any hardcore stuff, though. I think it was all just penthouse. Stuff like that. But she had no problem taking them clothes off. I like that. I love that about her. Let's see who's up next here. It is Mr. Tom Hardy. Heyo! Heyo!
Yeah, it's just me, baby. It's been a long couple of days. I get it, buddy. Yes, sir. Come on, now. You got me. Pretty fucking quick. Love that show. Me too, man. On the Terror Dome, we got Raggy versus Genomorph. Yes, sir. I'm just going to tell you right now. Yeah, that's tough. Yep, yep.
What are you looking at, Department? What do you got? I did get to catch two flicks. Okay. The First Power. That's a good one. I remember seeing it a long time ago. I watched it a bunch, man, back in the day. Sure. I fucking love that clip. It's not bad. I watched it this time. Yeah. I still love that clip. Okay. Man, I see a lot more flaws than I need to all admit it. Yeah. And then I got to catch this clip called Damn Pure.
Okay. It's like a vampire flick. Pretty cool flick, I thought. Not sure if you've seen it. Very interesting cake on the vampires. Okay. I'd actually highly recommend it. I think it's on Max. It's a couple years old, but I don't want to say... Too much about it. Okay. I think it's only a couple years old. I don't know. All right. Highly recommend it. Anyway, that's all I got. I hope all is well. Love you, my family. Bye. Love you too, Tom Hardy. Thanks for calling in, amigo. The First Power.
Haven't thought about that one in a while. See you around, buddy boy. Remember that? There was three movies that came out all within about two years of each other, and they all had the exact same plot line. I mean, literally... They were the exact same movie, just with different character names and different special effects. You had Shocker with Wes Craven.
All three movies were the same. And then you had The First Power with Lou Diamond Phillips. And then you had The Horror Show with Lance Henriksen. And all three movies were... A cop catches a serial killer and puts him away and the serial killer gets executed and then comes back via some supernatural whatever the hell and tries to get revenge on the cops.
that that was all three movies right there um if i had to pick a favorite out of those three it would probably be shocker mainly for the soundtrack god damn did that have a fucking killer soundtrack um A horror show was originally, it was originally titled House 4. It was going to be part of the House franchise, which makes no sense at all whatsoever. Because there's no, I mean...
Other than the fact that the cop lives in a house, there's no tying in to... any kind of haunted house it doesn't make any sense so i at the last minute i mean you might be able to find it somewhere with a house for packaging on it but um For the most part, it's just called The Horror Show. And it's got that, what's his name? Brian James as the serial killer. Brian James. You might remember him from Blade Runner. I think he was in the fifth element for a hot second.
if you saw him you'd recognize him he just looks like a fucking psycho you know what i mean he just has the face of a psycho killer so well done on casting there and then you had uh the first power With Lou Diamond Phillips as the cop. And I forget the dude that played the serial killer. He's an ugly guy.
i realize how cruel that sounds but to give you a uh a little bit of a hint of how ugly the dude is he played uh the nosferatu vampire in that kindred series and he didn't need a lot of makeup to make that to make that happen so there's that um it's the same thing i will say the first power had a very cool albeit nonsensical part where uh
The killer rips a ceiling fan out of the wall and then starts chasing people with the ceiling fan as the blades are spinning. That's not going to kill anybody. I can tell you right now. I don't think that's even really going to injure anybody, but that's fine. It was still kind of cool the way he did it. But, yeah, that's not bad.
That's not bad. I'll say it's not bad. And if I remember right, there were some nice boobs in the first power. So you got that going for you too. That's all I have on the listener mail. Thank you guys very much. Tim, Alan, Tom Hardy, you guys are the best. You know that. Why don't we cut the crap here and kick off Cannibal Month here in the padded room to close out 2024? I've got a plan.
for next year, dudes. It's going to blow your minds. I don't know if I want to let the cat out of the bag yet, but let's finish this off with some cannibals, huh? It's time for this evening's entertainment. Tell me, where are y'all from? We live in Calabasas. Well, well, we ain't had genuine visitors here in years. Maybe we could just use your telephone. We got gas, honey.
You folks will probably want to leave first thing in the morning. It's cozy. Don't let the big bugs bite. Do you have any dreams? Don't you want to get out of this place? I don't know very much. Something just doesn't feel right. I get the distinct impression we're not wanted here. So where are you going in there anyway? That's our business, none of yours. Oh, he has a shotgun. Mom? What are you doing? Silking. Awful. In this house. What did you do, huh? What did you do? Family always is.
I'm gonna make this star That's right, it's Lowlifes from 2024. This one got 6.2 stars on IMDb, is directed by Tesh Gudikonda, and written by Al Kaplan. Stars Amanda Fix, Matthew McCall, and Brenna Llewellyn. This one is a 2B original, which has not always been the best thing. So, there's that. um okay so right off the bat we start off with a guy running through the woods woods at night and getting killed uh we see him get stabbed in the neck and then dragged off
And then we roll into our opening credits and everything's, you know, copacetic from there. From there we cut to what appears to be... a suburban family out on a family outing slash camping trip i guess and they seem to have just pulled over on the side of the road and begun barbecuing okay that's cool i mean you know whatever people do that i guess um so there they are and this is the one of the probably the most lily white family you could imagine um mom and dad very
upper middle class um daughter amy she's the the teen angsty type she's probably uh i don't know 18 19 and then you have a younger son named jeff I believe he was supposed to be like 16, 17, but he's built like a brick shithouse. So, I don't know. Whatever. It's fine. And they're, you know, they're playing up the... the suburban family an awful lot um god gee dad why do we have to come out here and do this you're well
Amy, it's because this is a family tradition, and we've been doing it for years, and my dad did it, and they've got a mobile home, like a Winnebago, and he's like, this sweet baby is going to be yours one of these days. And it's... Now, I'm not going to tell you that I saw the twist coming, but it became very evident to me very quickly. So, you know... Amy gets all butthurt and she kind of goes walking down the road. She's like, I'm going for a walk, dad.
And Jeff is like, I like doing this. I can't wait for this Winnebago to be mine. This is almost like an episode of The Family Guy, except Peter's a lot skinnier and not nearly as funny.
Pretty soon, an old beat-up truck comes trucking down the road and pulls off right next to the Winnebago and a couple of rednecks get out. And they are playing up the redneck big time. You got... uh verne and billy yeah these two guys they get out and they're looking for their cousin uh melior what the hell kind of name is melior i don't know that's i've never met a melior in my entire life uh whatever dude it's not i don't think that's even a biblical name is it melior melior 1325 i don't know
um they get out hey y'all seen mellier and they're like what the hell's a mellier it's like he's our cousin he was supposed to come home last night and we ain't seen him we out looking for him and they're like uh nope no cousin here there fella. This is when I started to figure out what was going on because the guy that got killed in the opening scene was clearly also a redneck.
and if these two wouldn't be out looking for him if they were the ones that killed him you wouldn't suppose right so we have to at least at this point i had to believe that They were legit in looking for their lost cousin. And the way the dad kind of stepped up and squared off with these two, I was like, that's not, that ain't right. Well, it just didn't, you know, that...
Something is not computing here. Anyway, regardless, Dad's like, nope, ain't seen your cousin. And he like squares off with him for a second. And then they're like, how about we just have a look inside this here motor vehicle? And he's like, nope, you're not going in there. And again, this is like a, I don't know, early 50s skinny dad with glasses. They keep calling him glasses. Well, how about we look inside that vehicle there, glasses? And he's like, no, you're not going in there.
And then pretty soon, Amy comes walking back, and the two rubes are like, Woo! Look at this city girl! They are really playing it up. Now... okay uh at one point uh jeffy's like hey you guys want some chocolate and he gives them a couple of chocolate bars they're like well might oblige there son and then they get back in their truck and they finally take off down the road um
So at this point, I kind of figured out what was going on because that was a little too on the nose for me. But I'm going to walk you through this anyway. At this point, they get back in there. They finish their barbecue. They get back in their motor.
home and they take off down the road uh the family does they get about a mile or two down the road it's like a rural it's not a dirt road but it is a single lane kind of a thing through the the back roads uh they happen upon the truck again this time it's like pulled over and blocking off the road and the two hicks are standing outside with the hood up excuse me uh
Dad pulls up on him, and he's like, oh, you guys. And they're like, well, imagine that, seeing you here. We having a little vehicle trouble. How about you give us a ride into town? Now, at this point, Vern has a shotgun. And he's not pointing it at the dad, but he does have it in his hands. And the dad's like, I don't know about this. Now, at this point, the mom makes a remark about...
This being quote-unquote too easy. Okay, that's when I knew. If you haven't figured it out by now, I'm going to...
Plug your ears because I'm about to drop a bomb on you. All right? Our lily white suburban family are cannibals. They did, in fact, kill Melior and were eating him on the side of the road via the barbecue when the two rubes showed up. Now, I figured that out. I think most of you... who have seen this also figured that out eventually the rubes talk the Lily White family into giving one of them a ride back to his house because
The house is just down the road, and once he gets there, he can hop in a different car that they have and come back and strap up the truck and tow it back to their house where they can work on it there. So Billy, the dumber of the two, hops in the Winnebago and they take off down the road while Vern sits there on the side of the road with a shotgun and a broken down truck.
Okay, excellent. They get on down the road, and Jeffy is doing Mad Libs, and Vern is an idiot, so he doesn't know what a noun or an adjective is, so he snatches the Mad Lib book away. And he very quickly realizes that Melior's handwriting was used in a lot of the previous Mad Libs. And he knows that because the R's are all backwards. Yeah, buddy. And yeah, that's when Billy pulls out, or not Billy, Jeffy pulls out like two knives and stabs Billy in the neck and kills Billy. Okay, well.
i nailed that one didn't i and i think this was not that hard to figure out so what we have here is just what i said a family of cannibals and they're very quick they have like hazmat suits on and they pull over and they like do a field dressing on billy and strip all of his meat off and put it into little plastic baggies for later consumption, I guess. They're very proficient with this, so good for them. And we get a little conversation amongst the family about, oh, hey.
you know, if this works out, we can go home early. We'll just go to this house up the road here where Billy lives. We'll kill his family and eat them too. And then we can head back to Calabasas because apparently this family is from Los Angeles. Okay, awesome. Amy's all excited now because she didn't want to go on the stupid family vacation to begin with.
Jeffy's all excited because he gets more prime meat, I guess. And yeah, now we're ready to rock and roll. They're thinking they have themselves like some easy victims. up there at billy billy and verne's house so off they go night has now fallen and we're gonna cut to billy and verne's house um It looks like the Texas Chainsaw Massacre house, but it's very nice on the inside. And we actually have a family of well-mannered, polite, inhospitable rednecks.
And they're actually very sweet people. So we're going to meet these guys. We have Grandpa, who is an old man, his two granddaughters, two screaming hot redheads by the name of Julie Ann and Savannah. And we have another guy that's coming down. I think that Billy and Vern were like cousins that were staying with them or lived there part-time to help take care of Grandpa or something like that. We never got a good relation story on how this family fits together. Anyway.
The Winnebago family rolls up and they knock on the door and the people inside are, oh my God, what? We don't get a lot of visitors out here. What are you guys doing? And they're like, well, you know, our Winnebago just broke down down the road. Wouldn't you believe it?
would you happen to have a phone or something we could use? We walked about four miles and we are excited. Oh, no, come on in. Come on in. We're just having dinner. We got plenty of food. We don't... have phones out here obviously nobody bothered running a phone line out here so um But I tell you what, if you can wait till morning, I'll drive you to the next town and you can maybe get a tow truck or something. Oh, sure. Sounds great. So the cannibal family comes in and sits down.
And they're having dinner with Grandpa and his two hot red-headed twins. And pretty soon they start hearing like this loud thud, thud. thud coming from the upstairs and they're like oh my dude is there somebody else here and uh julianne is like oh that's my boyfriend big mac
And I think the impression that we were supposed to get was that Big Mac was like this giant monster of a man. And the director of this movie did everything they could to make... big mac look a lot bigger than he actually was so he comes thumping down the stairs he has a sledgehammer on him i don't know why and it's never explained
But he comes thumping down the stairs and they get a lot of low angle shots of him. He looked like he's fairly average size, actually, when we actually see this dude. That's Julianne's boyfriend. So she sits on his lap and they continue with.
dinner uh jeffy is like just prior to that though like the cannibal family was all pulling their knives out and getting ready to to i guess spring an attack on these these poor rubes but when big mac showed up with his sledgehammer they all put their knives away and we had to go to plan b so jeffy starts passing out these chocolate bars um We're going to find out very quickly that they're laced with something nasty. And they cause the shits and vomiting. So that's not very cool.
Anyway, that's interesting. From there, everybody has a chocolate bar. Well, all the rednecks have a chocolate bar except for Savannah. And then they're showing them around the house.
Why don't you, mom and dad, why don't you sleep up here? Amy is going to share a room with Savannah. And we get like a quick... thing in the hallway they Amy has to go to the bathroom so Savannah shows her where the bathroom is Amy goes in there and like starts you know snooping going through the medicine cabinets and stuff but while she's in there she drops an eyeball
in a little plastic baggie apparently that was her lucky eyeball that she carries i think it was supposed to be like a late night snack or something but uh yeah there's a there's an eyeball she accidentally drops it behind the toilet shit she didn't know about it clearly uh but when she comes out savannah's there waiting with a plunger because apparently that toilet doesn't always flush correctly uh so she comes out and her and savannah have like a moment oh boy yeah
Yeah, they're having a moment there in the hallway right after Amy pinched a loaf. And Savannah was there with the plunger just in case. It's that fucking thing we do these days where... Well, there's got to be some kind of a gay thing in every goddamn horror movie. So here they are. These two reasonably attractive young ladies. And Savannah reaches out for something and Amy reaches out at the same time and their hands touch. And Amy makes a remark about Savannah's hands being so rough.
because she's all calloused up, and Amy's hands are so soft, and they're looking at each other, and the piano is playing in the background. These two lesbians are about to make out. That's what's going down. And here comes, she's about to break the first rule of being a cannibal. Don't fall in love with your fucking meat, Amy. And don't be gay with it either. Well, I guess you could be gay with it if you want, but whatever. Whatever, dude.
So there's that. And then finally everybody gets situated for the night. And about this time is when the chocolate bars start to hit. uh savannah is the first one to get the the shits so she goes hauling ass to the bathroom um jeffy is feeling a little ambitious so he's thinking he's going to be the one to take down big mac um
And that, you know, he's already planning on how he's going to do it and stuff. Savannah and Amy are having a lesbian encounter in... uh savannah's bedroom they're oh i i've never shared a bed with a girl and she's like oh come on i do it in college all the time let's smoke some weed so they they smoke some weed and then, uh, start making out and that's all well and good. Uh, Julianne is vomiting.
herself to death in the bathroom big mac also took one of the chocolate bars so he's trying to get in to use the shitter and julianne is telling him to fuck off apparently there's only one bathroom in this house so uh big mac goes running outside to you know, close escrow out there. And that's where Jeffy catches up to him. Jeffy's got like a, like a big hunting knife and he's like, Oh, you got to go to the bathroom too.
Yeah, I don't know. I made a real mess over there by the tree. Watch out. And then Jeffy is like, I'll show you a mess. And he lunges at Big Mac, but Big Mac just knocks him on his ass. And he's like, what the hell, bro? Oh, I'm real sorry. Hey, come here. Let me help you up. And then... Basically, Jeffy just kind of springs and attacks and stabs the living piss out of Big Mac, and Big Mac is now out of the equation. Well, shit.
Up in Savannah's bedroom, we're learning a lot more about Savannah. She can play the piano. She also won an archery competition, which is very exciting. That'll come into play later, obviously. And this is her first lesbian encounter because, you know, you don't get a lot of horny lesbians in this neck of the woods. So there's that. Even though she is a hot redhead, she's got that going for her.
meanwhile uh jeff jeffy tells uh dad and mom what he just did to big mac and that mom is furious she's like we stick to the plan we had a plan of attack and dad's like oh i'm proud of you son and he gives jeffy a tongue in a plastic bag hey that's for you because i'm proud of you now it's time to get down to business so first thing they do is they go
out and they get big max body and they hide it in the winnebago which apparently is actually just around the corner not the four miles away that they said it was and then they go upstairs and they kill grandpa with a hatchet right to the head patow He's out. He never even woke up. He probably died the most peaceful death out of all these people. So at this point, we are down to Savannah and Joanne. Savannah is having...
which is basically knuckle deep in Amy at this point. And we also have, let's not forget about Vern, who is a couple miles down the road and he's got a shotgun and he is still waiting for somebody to pick him up in his broken ass down truck. At this point, the local sheriff rolls up to Vern, and Vern's like, ah, hell, not you again, sheriff.
And the sheriff's like, all right, Vern, what are you doing now, you fucking chucklehead? He's like, goddamn truck broke down, sheriff. Yes, he calls him sheriff. Sheriff's like, all right, let me give you a ride somewhere. He's like, I don't need no goddamn ride from you. Billy coming back to get me. He took off with some nice family from Los Angeles. He'll be back any second. The other car to fucking pick me up.
sheriff's like all right man all right apparently uh verne and the sheriff had some kind of a falling out uh about a fence or something i don't know um all right interesting uh So from there, we're going to cut back to the house. Savannah has like a moment of what the hell am I doing while she's getting fingered by Amy. So she like pushes Amy off of her. But Amy...
was on the point of drawing her knife and stabbing Savannah in the neck when it happened. So Amy actually lands awkwardly on the floor and accidentally stabs herself right in the ass cheek. So she's like, ah, shit! and savannah's like oh god i'm way too high why do you have a knife uh by the way and amy says it's just for protection so savannah's like all right let me get you let me get my suture kit and i'll patch you up
And Amy falls even further in love. She's like, oh, Savannah, is there anything you can't do? Oh, God damn it. so that's that's what's happening very cool at this point though Julianne is still vomiting up the fucking the bathroom dad and Jeff are you know contemplating the dismemberment or the field dressing of Big Mac in the Winnebago, and Mom is still just fuming mad that Jeffy killed Big Mac to begin with in the bedroom.
so uh from there uh they get done with uh whatever they're doing with big mac they go back upstairs mom is still pissed um they're like okay well we got to take care of business so they grab savannah as she's coming out of the bathroom and then they take her downstairs to the kitchen and uh see she's all fucked up her stomach is still rumbling um they want
Dad wants Mom to make the kill on this one. And we have a scene very similar to the one out of Texas Chainsaw Massacre where they're trying to get Grandpa to kill Sally Hardesty. But this one's not as good. So, um... mom is still wanting to like yell at jeffy we had a plan god damn it and dad's like god damn well let's just get this over with and we can get the fuck we'll burn the house down and get the fuck out of here where's the other sister by the way uh she's outside
So they don't know that Amy has stabbed herself in the ass or that Savannah is not no longer in the building. So as mom and Jeff. and dad are there holding julianne hostage and mom's getting ready to kill her an arrow comes flying through a window and strikes mom right in the neck and kills her so
It's pretty obvious. I mean, we saw that Amy looked out the window and saw Savannah run around the side of the house with a bow and arrow and her quivers, her bow and her quiver full of arrows, I should say.
and she's got all those goddamn archery awards so we can safely say that what happened was that mom saw what was going on or not mom i mean uh julianne saw what was going on in the kitchen and decided she was going to do a little bow hunting on mom and boom there it is so now dad and jeff have a complete freak out oh my god barbara what happened or uh what was her name kathleen kathleen you're dead oh good oh no now if i'm jeff jeffy at this point
I gotta raise my hand. Look, I don't want to sound like an asshole here, but how about we just eat mom instead? I mean, that makes sense, right? Then we can just get the hell out of here and call it a night with the killing and the gutting. Not to mention the fact that we have probably two or three months worth of meat with Big Mac out in the trailer there. I think we're set for a while.
why not just get the fuck out of here no way uh so now that really sucks but jeffy and dad have uh savannah or no julianne there is hostage so amy comes down she's like what happened to mom who did this They're like, I don't know, an arrow came through the fucking window and hit her right in the neck.
Uh, so very quickly, Amy does the math. She's like, well, Savannah is a championship archery lady. And, uh, you know, she obviously said she wasn't upstairs. Oh, sorry. By the way, I stabbed myself in the ass. like a genius and uh yeah so she's out there now somewhere i'm gonna go get i fucked this up so i'm gonna pull the blade out of my ass cheek and i'm gonna run out there and get me some savannah and um stab her to death and bring her in here
Okay, great. So now Amy goes running outside trying to catch Savannah. Dad and Jeffy are torturing Julianne. And they're like yelling Savannah, Savannah, come out here. We're going to kill her. God damn it. We don't know exactly what happened outside, but we know that somehow Savannah got the best of Amy because Savannah brings Amy in with the blade at her neck.
and she's like let's let julianne go or i'm gonna stab amy and they're like yeah fuck you no you let her go we're gonna kill savannah and we get this kind of half dipshit standoff here and then eventually they're like you know what I'm going to cut one of Juliana's fingers off. And then finally, Savannah's like, all right, fine, here's Amy. Just let her go. Of course they don't let her go. They tie her up.
They tie Savannah up. So now they have Savannah and Julianne. And what we get here is a very dumb shit. We're going to fuck around. We're going to fuck.
fuck around until we fuck this up kind of a thing it's that moment that we get in a lot of horror movies that no mr bond i expect you to die easy thing to do would be just kill them both get put the house on fire and get the fuck out of there no we gotta fuck around we gotta no we gotta torture them and cut some fingers off and do a bunch of other fucking dumb shit um now all right whatever
And that goes on for a while. While that's happening, we're going to cut back to our sheriff who apparently got a 911 call from somebody. I don't know how, but with a Los Angeles area code. So that trick, you know, tipped him off. to the conversation he had with Vern earlier about Billy going off with a family from Los Angeles. And now he's like, you know what? I'm going to head on down to that Billy's house and just make sure everything's cool.
So that's what he does. And apparently he lives like an hour away from there, so it's going to take him a while to get there. Shit. Also... While Vern is out there, he's like, you know what? I'm just going to walk. I don't know where the hell that Billy is, but I'm going to take my shotgun and I'm just going to walk home. God damn it. I'm going to kick his ass when I see him.
So off he goes. Now we have Savannah and Julianne still tied up and being fucked with by Dad and Jeff. Eventually, in the... fuckery of it all uh Savannah manages to get loose and then she cuts Julie loose and we get a struggle um That goes on for a little while. Savannah is getting kicked around by Jeff. And Julianne is kind of beating up Dad a little bit. And everything is going okay here for a hot second.
Julie, no, I think, yeah, Julianne gets knocked out by Jeff and then, uh... savannah gets like knocked over by dad and to make a long story short verne shows up at the last second and shoots dad with the shotgun right in the shoulder which wounds him and gives everybody enough oh shit what the hell but then Jeff jumps uh Vern and gets the shotgun away kills Vern if I remember right Jeff kills Vern by stabbing him in the head
While that's going on, Julianne takes the hatchet that was in Grandpa's head and buries it in Dad's head. Okay. And then Amy comes in. It's a whole ass thing, dude. It's like a whole... thing fucking Vern gets killed basically everybody gets killed here with the exception of Amy and Savannah and savannah stabs amy they get into a struggle uh like trying to get to the shotgun
Luckily, though, Savannah, like, knocks Amy down and then hits her, grabs Big Mac's sledgehammer and hits her in the leg with it. And then Savannah is like, oh, no, bitch, I'm going to make this slow. You get up and run if you want to.
takes the shotgun and kicks it like far away and uh amy gets up and goes running out of the house as fast as she can and then savannah with the sledgehammer goes chasing after her run bitch run and just as amy gets down the porch the cop shows up and shoots savannah in the head boom and amy
kind of half-assed gets away. The cop gets on the radio. The sheriff gets on the radio. He's like, we got us a house of horrors down here. We got, I thought these people were nice. You should see what they did to these Los Angeles people. There's blood everywhere. and this girl's all cut up he starts talking to uh amy he's like okay paramedics about 30 minutes out in the meantime amy did set fire to the house so the house is burning down slowly
The sheriff gets Amy loaded into his car and gets a blanket around her. The sheriff is just kind of walking around the house looking at all the dead bodies and stuff. He's still on the radio. As soon as he gets off the radio, Amy gets out of the car.
and stabs the sheriff presumably we don't actually get to see that part uh after that Amy gets in the Winnebago uh smokes a joint and then just goes driving off on the Winnebago and that my friends is the end of your movie low lives from 2024 uh it's not bad it's not a bad show it's um it's it's fine it's okay it's not i didn't like it as much it's not going to my top 10 i can tell you that uh it's it's not bad i'll i'll say that i'm not mad at it um it was very evident to me what the twist was
very early because the two rednecks are looking for their cousin at the very if they hadn't included that little snippet at the very beginning of the one redneck getting stabbed in the neck And if we could have kept the conversation amongst the family a little closer to the vest, I would say... I wouldn't play the cannibal card until they were at the house. You know what I'm saying? But play that a little closer to the chest because I felt like they kind of phoned that one in a little bit.
Other than that, it's fine. It's not a bad show. I would call it probably more of a horror comedy. I feel like there's some kind of social commentary here too. Pro... like the reason that the movie is called lowlifes is because the cannibal family keeps referring to the rednecks as lowlifes um
I don't know. I don't know what, I'm never very good at figuring out the political posturing of these things, but it's fine. It's subtle enough to where I couldn't figure it out, but I never claimed that I was good at that. So there's that. It's fine. It's streaming on Tubi. It's free to watch. You can watch it right now if you like. Sorry if I spoiled it for you. But like I said, I felt like the twists were very easy to spot.
They could have done a little bit better job of not showcasing that as much. All right, my friends. I'm going to take myself a little break. I'll come back with some other business. Hey, inmates. If you like what you hear, head over to the Padded Room Facebook group and support us through the patron link with a small monthly donation. Check out the T-Villain link at paddedroom.podbean.com and grab some t-shirts.
Thanks for listening and enjoy the rest of the show. And I am back, ladies and gentlemen. Well, we kicked Cannibal Month off right, I would say, keeping it lighthearted to start with. What are we going to do next week? I'll tell you in just a goddamn minute. Just keep your pants on, all right? Before we get to even think about it, we got to do the Terra Dome.
No tears, please. It's a waste of good suffering. I'm not gonna hurt you. You didn't let me finish my sentence. I said, I'm not gonna hurt you. I'm just gonna bash your brains. I'm gonna bash them right the fuck in. I'll kill you all. Try being crazy. I'll kill you all. Where does a dream come through? Six-year-old child with this blind, pale, emotional space. The blackest eyes the devil
Welcome to the Pterodome. First, last week's winner. In singles competition, we had the Xenomorph from Alien versus Radu from Subspecies. radu could feel the acid running down his throat burning its way out with every drop his assumption that the blood of the alien would make him a god was wrong and now he was paying the price
Within moments, there would be nothing left of him but a steaming puddle and some scraps of clothing. With a vote of 7-0, the xenomorph advances over Radu the vampire. I had a feeling that was going to go that way. I think they just had another subspecies movies like two years ago, one or two years ago. I'm telling you, it's not going to be that good. I haven't seen it.
but I'm going to say nay to that. God, maybe we should do like a franchise rundown of the subspecies movies, huh? Yeah, I don't know if I want to do that. I don't know if I want to... sit through all of those all right anyway this week's matchup we are in the asylum conference round 12 as usual inmates bear with me i'm not much of a writer
lawrence was used to waking up in strange places but not like this the air was cold and stale his heightened senses told him he was alone yet he felt very much like he was being watched a television monitor in a dark corner zaps to life the screen shows a small child's doll on a tricycle the doll's mouth starts to move and the voice soon follows
The voice explains that Lawrence has been watched for some time now, that his curse has been tracked and documented, and that the person speaking through the doll has found a cure. But Lawrence already knows what the cure is. Across the room on a small bench sits a revolver with one silver bullet in the chamber. As soon as the gun fires, paramedics will be dispatched to Lawrence's location.
There's a small chance that Lawrence will survive the gunshot, but only if he pulls the trigger. Singles competition, we have Jigsaw versus The Wolfman. I think I'm going to have to take Jigsaw on this one. The classical Wolfman was always more of a sympathetic character. Jigsaw is too, don't get me wrong, but I feel like... The classic wolf man, while he is in his lycanthropic state, is a ferocious predator.
a nonsensical killer there's no method to his his killings other than just to find people and ravage them right so but jigsaw is methodical He plans ahead. He knows where you're going and when you're going to be there. You know what I'm saying? And if he's already figured out that Lawrence Talbot is the Wolfman and what he's doing, there's a good chance John Kramer's going to be one step ahead of him too. jigsaw on this one
That is your Tarot Dome matchup for the weekend, mates. It is Jigsaw versus The Wolfman. Get me your votes by next week if you can. The mental health hotline is area code 775-387-0275. Or you can hit me up on the email. go to paddedroompodcast.com. Hit the mail link there. It'll bring you right into us. You know, tell me what movies you got to watch this week. Take a stab at the Who's Your Daddy.
You got any fun jokes? I want to hear those too. I'll give you relationship advice if you want. I have not had much success, to be honest with you, in the relationship department. But I'm happy to... dispatch some wisdom if i have any i probably don't but i'll take a crack at it i don't care uh yeah in the meantime inmates i got to tell you what movies i got to watch this week in a segment called what are you looking at What are you looking at? How about Harlan Manor from 2021?
It's the same fucking movie we've seen 300,000 times, inmates. You've got a reality show slash scientific team, whatever, online. show that is going into haunted locations to try to prove uh To claim that they're trying to prove that ghosts exist, what they're really trying to do is get a network television deal. And, of course, they step into a place that's actually haunted and get fucked with. There are literally bazillions.
of these movies with this exact same plot line is this one any different no it's not it's a to be original also uh they tried to stephen king us a little bit they had uh One of the, the, the television, the, oh, the psychic, the, the, the team psychic was cheating on her husband with the team leader. And they had plans of ditching their spouses and getting married and being together.
I don't really care. I don't think anybody really cared about any of that. I'm just trying to see if they had some good ghost effects. They did not. It's not that good. It's a very tired plot line, is what it is. And they've been hitting us with this since, what, The Haunting, which was The Haunting of Hill House.
Legend of Hell House, the various remakes thereof. It is what it is. Why do I keep coming back to these movies? Because I'm hoping there's going to be some cool ghost stuff. And they usually do me wrong. After I sat through that, I said, well, let me... put something in with some cool ghost stuff. So I watched Cairo from 2001. Dude, I'm going to tell you, I think this is probably the best ghost movie pound for pound ever made. It's Japanese. It's just the creepiest.
Bro, it is the creepiest. If you can watch it alone at night with the sound up, it's going to fuck you up, man. When the people smudge out like that, and when they get all whispered. that shit is creepy as fuck man um i i don't think you're gonna find a more disturbing ghost movie more frightening um you know just that's a movie that just sits with you You know what I'm saying? And that's the kind of shit you think about when the lights are off at night.
I watched that. And then lastly, on Thanksgiving, it is a family tradition here in the Brock House that we watch the Texas Chainsaw Massacre every Thanksgiving. We've been doing it for four or five years now. Still going strong. Texas Chainsaw Massacre. We don't... I mean, I put it on, and then usually we're all too busy trying to get dinner ready or get ready for our run or who the fuck is at the door now kind of a thing. So, I mean, it's on. It's in the background. We've all seen it.
300,000 times so it's not like we have to hang on every moment but it is a good it's a Fun tradition for us, I think, or at least for me. My family may secretly hate it. They just don't want to hurt my feelings. I don't know. That is all I'm looking at this week, inmates. How about a little immersion therapy? Did you get a chance to check out Thine Ears Shall Bleed?
from 2024. A little frontier horror movie for you there. It's alright. The... when i i don't want to ruin this for you if you haven't seen it so basically this family of settlers is headed west during the gold rush era and um Dad's a preacher and he has these big plans of setting up a church. And then the wagon breaks down.
It doesn't break down, but the horses run off in the night, so now they're kind of stuck where they are. And they start hearing sounds in the woods, so they try to follow the sounds, and then... The dad has like this weird revelation that these sounds are God speaking to him and he kind of goes bananas. There's some twists and turns there. A stranger shows up and it becomes very evident that... Yeah, it's not what we suspect. So there's that. It's not a bad show.
A little much with the preacher, though. I mean, he really went overboard with the lordy stuff, if you know what I'm saying. Not that that's a bad thing, but... Maybe a little overacting on the goodness and the kindness and the we're all God's children stuff. It's fine. If you're interested, it's streaming on Tubi. I believe it is a Tubi original, so don't get your hopes up too high. I like Low Lives better than Thine Years Shall Bleed. I will say that.
Your immersion therapy for this week is going to be Cemetery Man.
From 1988, you can find this one streaming on Shudder. Feel free to check out the Joe Bob's Last Drive-In version. He's going to give you all kinds of knowledge that you didn't know you wanted to know, but you do want to know it, so... go ahead and go if you have it's going to take an hour and a half movie and stretch it into like three hours maybe even a little bit more but you're going to know every goddamn thing there is to know about cemetery man
Check that shit out, inmates. It's streaming on Shudder right now. We will do the same and compare notes next week. But now it is time for you to play Who's Your Daddy? I almost said educate me. See what I did there? I said who's your daddy though, which is the new name of the segment. Who is daddy? First, my clues from last week. Well, I am a rescue technician and I am the, uh, the lifesaver and the heartbreaker.
aboard this this this vessel and we just got a distress signal uh from a ship that we had believed was lost in space It is actually in space, inmates. Turns out it had some experimental technology on it that was going to make warp... warp travel possible we're we're great we're knocking on the door of warhammer 40 000 here inmates if you didn't know uh turns out
When you go into the warp, some really nasty shit happens, and you may not come out alone, if you understand what I'm saying. I am, of course, Event Horizon. That is a hell of a movie, dude. I got the limited edition Screambox Shout Factory. It's not Screambox. It's Scream Factory, motherfuckers. Blu-ray, beautiful. It's a beautiful movie, dude. Been called The Shining in Space. I don't know that I would call it that, but it is very, I would say I would call it very heavy metal.
If that makes sense. I don't know if it does. Yeah, still a great show. Who might I be this week is what you're wanting to know. Well, inmates, I'm going to tell you, I am a super genius and a very young one at that.
I am... uh so so much of a super genius that i am teaching classes in advanced robotics at the local college i'm only about 16 years old though and i'm teaching these classes and i can back this genius up with my robotic assistant that i have built and designed and programmed and he kind of follows me around everywhere I go everything's going swimmingly here in this new house I fell madly in love
With the girl next door, too bad her father is an abusive piece of shit and knocks her down some stairs one day. Say, you don't suppose... I could somehow use my advanced skills in robotics to bring my love here back to life, do ya? Do you think that could happen? Shouldn't be any problems, right? We should live happily ever after if I do. Well, there's only one way to find out, inmates. Tune in next week and I will drop some knowledge on you. In the meantime...
That's about going to do it for me this week. Stay with me next week for Pandorum here in the padded room. Cannibal month, dudes. Like, comment, subscribe wherever you found this show. That helps my visibility quite a bit. interested in dropping some shekels my way, head on over to paddedroompodcast.com. Click on that Patreon link. It'll take you where you need to go. I got shirts, coffee mugs, hats. I'll fucking throw a sticker at you.
you drop enough shekels you can one of the prize tiers dudes is that i will watch a movie we'll log on to skype or uh what's the other one uh not skype zoom or we'll watch a movie together me and you Or some combination. I don't know who else. There's nobody else.
it's only me but you you throw me a couple bucks me and you are gonna watch a movie together and i'll probably talk through it because you know i'm gonna have a beer or two while i do and once i get to drinking and i get to talking and making stupid observations but But...
Other than that, I think that's about going to do it for me and mates. Thank you again very much for joining me. Tune in next week again for Pandorum. Might have a special guest in here next week. We'll see how that plays out. In the meantime, for Buddy in absentia, Chuck in absentia, special guests who may or may not be with me next week uh cannibals fucking dude
This is the United States of America. There's a 7-Eleven on every corner. Go in there and get yourself a sandwich. Don't be an asshole. Robotic assistance. I would like one, but only if I can have sex with it. I don't know if we can figure that out. Maybe in another year or two, we'll be caught up. I don't want to pay more than... I don't want to have to buy it. You know what I mean? I can tell you right now, I cannot afford a sex robot.
So I'm going to need somebody to invent one and then bring the price down quite a bit from wherever it already is. And the Padded Room Podcast. I'm afraid visiting hours are over. I'm sorry. I didn't want to tell you a joke about science because I didn't want to get a reaction.