1. Do you attract the worst partners? What does it take to find a normal person to date? There is a path to attracting quality partners but it may involve facing your fear of loss. 2. If you feel bad for your emotional abuser or manipulator, you are more likely to stay in the relationship and take the abuse. I'll tell you what you need to focus on so the abuse stops 3. When did "trying" things turns into a bad course of action? Ever since Star Wars, it seems we've adopted do or do not… but is th...
Dec 03, 2017•1 hr 3 min•Ep. 217
Do you fantasize, daydream, play video games, or watch TV in hopes that you won't have to deal with reality? It's not all bad, but anything in moderation, right? I talk about the benefits of skipping reality for a little bit as long as you connect with yourself in other ways. For segment two, I go over what you might have to do with your kids when you have a narcissistic ex. During the close, I talk about child sexual abuse and the silent but damaging effects it has on the victim throughout thei...
Nov 26, 2017•53 min•Ep. 216
Black or white thinking can lead you to be untrusting of people and the world in general. If you've loved and lost and cannot figure out how to love as deeply as you once did, it could be a general distrust you carry around - seeing people as either safe or not safe. If you cannot be vulnerable, a difficult thing to achieve after pain or betrayal, you may not be able to rebuild the emptiness in your heart. Dichotomous thinking can keep you from unlocking your heart to anyone else. Today's episod...
Nov 19, 2017•58 min•Ep. 215
Do you freeze when you get stressed? Learn what you can do to stop the freeze before it happens. What didn't work in your last relationship that you can take with you into your next one? These questions will help you become wise for the future. If you suffered a breakup and you feel that emptiness inside, you may have a hole in your heart that needs to be filled. I'll help you start to rebuild what's missing so that you can start to heal your emotional wounds.
Nov 12, 2017•1 hr 7 min•Ep. 214
Why don't abuse victims leave the relationship? In this first segment I talk about the perspective of the abuse victim and no matter how much sense it makes to us for them to leave the abuser, it's an entirely different reality for the victim. In segment two I tackle the dynamics of step-children and how step-parents can enter a family and be more of a friend than a parent to gain trust and respect from the children. During the close I address what happens when you honor yourself. Who you though...
Nov 05, 2017•1 hr 16 min•Ep. 213
If you've had ups and downs with your relationship and you're ready to keep it on track so it doesn't start slipping back down, I'll tell you ten steps you can take to make sure it stays healthy and continues to blossom.
Oct 29, 2017•1 hr 9 min•Ep. 212
Stonewalling is damaging to a relationship and can make it fail if whatever is shut down is never brought up to be resolved. Do you set expectations in your friendships? Should friendships be an equal, two-way street? It doesn’t have to be - not exactly. Is there a way to get into healthy relationships after being in emotionally abusive ones? Very important question. What's the best way to connect with people? Find fewer and get away from the crowds.
Oct 22, 2017•1 hr 3 min•Ep. 211
The more you expose yourself to new things, the smarter you get and the more your thought processes change. Why does one abuse? This important segment will help you understand the perspective of the one who abuses. How can you enjoy your relationship if you can't stop thinking it may fail in the future? Worries about tomorrow can make the present feel not as good as it should. Everything is temporary. The bad stuff and the good stuff, but it gets better as you get through the bad stuff.
Oct 15, 2017•1 hr 12 min•Ep. 210
When you feel guilty for wanting to leave your partner because of their bad behavior, it's time to transform that guilt into something more productive. What happens when you lose a parent and the one left behind wants to date again? Is this something you support or are vehemently against? Do you live with someone taking advantage of you? Are you their doormat hoping they'll change some day? Maybe that day is today.
Oct 08, 2017•59 min•Ep. 209
Positive thinking leads to denial which creates negative emotions in your body eventually leading to depression. What?? Sounds like a great first topic. Little spats in a relationship that lead to massive blowups have an origin. The unspoken words are what cause those big explosions. It's time to connect emotionally rather than logically to diffuse the emotional bombs before they explode. What is toxic? Do we call people toxic just to avoid our own personal growth? A listener challenges me on th...
Oct 01, 2017•1 hr 8 min•Ep. 208
Mom criticizes her, makes her feel bad and unworthy, yet this listener still wants a relationship with her. Do you let go or do you find a way to relate that won't be toxic to you? What happens when there are early warning signs in your relationship but you choose to ignore them? Are they signs of worse things to come or can you overlook them and expect your relationship to get better? Do you change for someone else to keep them in your life, or do you want to attract the person that accepts who...
Sep 24, 2017•1 hr 7 min•Ep. 207
When you are so knowledgeable about your problems, you may have a tendency to be closed off to the solution. The "I know" syndrome can keep you from finding out the root of your emotional distress. It's time to get to the root and release the grip it has on you. When your partner can't seem to trust you completely and holds back their emotions around you, there is something you can do to meet them where they are. It's not easy - in fact it's a process - but it may save your relationship. One thi...
Sep 17, 2017•56 min•Ep. 206
Does your partner corner you into a no-win situation? Do they ask you questions that make you wrong no matter what you say? I talk about double binds in relationships and a couple ways to get out of the no-win questioning that often happens in both non-abusive and abusive relationships. For segment two I talk about lashing out and where it comes from. Are they new emotions that seem to originate in the moment or are they old, stored emotions that derived from a single point in time? Regardless, ...
Sep 10, 2017•1 hr 6 min•Ep. 205
Is succeeding in a stressful way better than not succeeding at all? In this first segment I talk about how creating a deadline with accountability keeps you on task and even makes you more creative. In segment 2, a woman writes to say that it's never too late to honor yourself. She did so with a toxic family member and is now starting a new way of life without his involvement. In segment 3, I talk about the issue of judging others for things that you yourself do. It's like telling the alcoholic ...
Sep 03, 2017•58 min•Ep. 204
When you obsess about someone you want in your life or someone that broke up with you, what can you do to stop the never-ended thoughts? What about when you go so far as to stalk them and find out everything you can about them? This is a two-part segment because there's a lot to talk about. In segment two a woman wants to know if she heals and grows will her husband see that she is better and want to stay in the relationship. However the husband has been manipulative and unkind to her, letting h...
Aug 27, 2017•1 hr 18 min•Ep. 203
Standing up for your boundaries can have the consequence of being called out. I address critical feedback from a listener who calls me out on what she believes to be smug and superior behavior. Can someone with a fear of abandonment be in an intimate relationship with someone who has a fear of commitment? That's a great question that I help a listener consider. Do you overshare? I read a message from someone who says her oversharing is a big problem in her life, causing all kinds of boundary vio...
Aug 20, 2017•1 hr 31 min•Ep. 202
Do you trust your gut? Do you want to? I tell you how in this first segment where I share how I almost got conned by a store clerk. In segment two, high school sweethearts get married then divorced ten years later. After a lot of emotional abuse and healing, he wants her back but she's not ready. Is reconciliation possible? In closing I tell you how to make decisions that allow you to do some time traveling so that you can get an idea of how you'll feel after making them or not. A packed episode...
Aug 13, 2017•1 hr 11 min•Ep. 201
You will get the results you want as soon as you accept responsibility for your role in every problem in your life. What is your level of success? Segment one will help you measure it and come up with a game plan for you. Segment two talks about the how important relationships are, especially the one with yourself. Almost every relationship issue you have with others needs nurturing in yourself. Nurture you and your relationship will be healthy and toxic-free! In segment three I read a letter fr...
Aug 06, 2017•1 hr 19 min•Ep. 200
When you pursue someone you want romantically but they don't want you, the result is often hurt feelings or worse. What about when you love someone so much that you want them to love you back and they won't? Should you continue your pursuit? If you try to convince them that being in a relationship with you will be the best thing for them, it may create a very unstable and probably short union. Love and being in love are two different things - when you learn to love, you learn to release. This re...
Jul 30, 2017•1 hr•Ep. 199
You know that feeling you get when someone puts you down? How about when you feel like you're doing everything right but that one person tells you how you're doing it wrong? In segment one, I read an email from someone who gives me some critical feedback about how I communicate my message over the airwaves. He also tells me something I'm doing blatantly wrong. I share my reaction and the emotions I went through, and what you yourself probably go through when someone points out something that you...
Jul 23, 2017•1 hr 11 min•Ep. 198
Honoring your boundaries can be the hardest step to take in your personal development, and it's also one of the fastest ways to start creating a life without toxicity and dysfunction. But what if you're too scared to do it? Getting to a place where fear goes away isn't easy - it can take a lot of inner growth leading to the confidence and courage to do whatever it takes to let others know what is acceptable and what is not. In this first segment, I talk about boundaries and how there may be a qu...
Jul 16, 2017•1 hr 9 min
Comparing yourself to other people is the fastest way to low self-worth and self-esteem. And why do we always compare ourselves to people that are better looking, wealthier, healthier and have more success in areas of life that we are still working on? It seems like a black hole of misery that will never end. In segment one, I talk about one of my good friends who is self-employed and wondering why she isn't succeeding after a few months of what I see has been a very successful time for her. She...
Jul 09, 2017•1 hr 19 min
How do you handle negative feedback? There's a golden opportunity to sink or swim when someone puts you down. Their comments don't have to equal pain and a hit on your self-worth or self-esteem. In fact, maybe it's possible that the one person you remember putting you down is the very impetus you needed to improve something about yourself. It's not fun getting criticized, but it's not always a bad thing either. In segment two, I talk about worrying and overwhelm about everything. Just how much d...
Jul 04, 2017•1 hr 9 min
When someone expresses themselves to you, do you cringe at the thought of you doing the same? Does the idea of sharing what they're sharing make you feel uncomfortable? Does it stop you from living life the way you want with authenticity and confidence? If you feel uncomfortable or shy when someone shares something vulnerable with you, that may be a sign that something could use some healing in you, if you want to explore it. It's a great way to tell just what you need to work on in yourself. Fu...
Jun 25, 2017•1 hr 9 min
How do you go about rekindling with toxic and / or dysfunctional family members? Is it worth "going home" and starting up those old, dysfunctional, family get-togethers again? Is it possible to avoid the toxicity of family past? There is a way to return to a toxic environment but it's going to take some courage to be the person you want to be with the people that have always treated you the way you don't want to be treated. I talk about that in segment one. In segment two, I read a message from ...
Jun 18, 2017•1 hr 9 min
How can you possibly forget an ex that "wasted" years of your life? How can you possibly forgive them either? In this first segment, I read a letter from someone who married a big problem, and now she is upset at him for "stealing" so many years of her life. She wants to forgive and move on but can't seem to do it. I offer a suggestion that she may not have considered on forgiveness. In segment two, what can you do if you want your ex back but they keep you at arm's length. They want to be with ...
Jun 11, 2017•1 hr 15 min
Your sense of self and identity can dissolve or even be rewritten over years of trau Your sense of self and identity can dissolve or even be rewritten over years of trauma, abuse, and / or dysfunction. Dis-integration can happen after a lifetime of challenges that you haven't healed from, causing you to feel scattered and feel like you have no purpose. When you don't have a strong emotional foundation, the hard times are harder and you feel beat up and burnt out almost all the time. It's importa...
Jun 04, 2017•1 hr 9 min
What happens when you reach that age where you thought you would have accomplished certain things in life but are nowhere close to what you set out to do 10, 20, 30 or more years ago? Do you get depressed? Do you have a mid-life crisis? Or… maybe you see that there's a bigger plan in the works for your life. If that's too spiritual a view for you, perhaps it's time to comes to terms with your fears and accept realities you don't want to accept. It sounds dismal and defeating thinking this way, b...
May 28, 2017•1 hr 22 min
When does sex really start? When you're taking off your clothes? The heated kissing or "petting" or… is there a lot more to it? If you are emotionally connected, you already know when sex starts - way before you ever step into the bedroom. If you are somewhat detached from your emotions however, sex is probably, mainly a physical thing for you. Regardless of where you are on the spectrum of sexual intelligence, this segment is all about how to build it right so that it is as enjoyable as it can ...
May 21, 2017•1 hr 7 min•Ep. 189
Do you make decisions based on what's in alignment with the highest intention for yourself, or do you make them based on fear. One path almost always leads to turmoil, and the other leads to getting what you want out of life almost every time. In segment two, what do you do when you start to have feelings for a good friend? And what if they don't have feelings back? Can you keep this kind of friendship or are you doomed for disappointment? I read a letter from someone going through this right no...
May 14, 2017•1 hr 7 min
