#205 Revival In Your Home (God's Plan - Part 2)

So what's the remedy? Does God have a remedy for that that would bring revival to our home and resolve that conflict and that conditional love?

He does, and very simply put, it's learning how to accept my family and accept my mate just as God in Christ has accepted me. Welcome to the One Cry Podcast, a nationwide call for spiritual awakening. The goal, accelerating the movement of God through sharing revival truth, stories, and reports. Welcome to the One Cry Podcast. I am Bill Eliff, and I have again this week my beautiful wife, Holly, that I have known since the seventh grade. Yes.

And that's a whole story. Holly, you prayed, wasn't it? What was that prayer you prayed before we got married? Lord, I want my life to not be boring or something like that. Well, I've always asked the Lord not to give me a boring life. Yeah. But. And boy, if you knew how after. I did not know what that meant. Yeah. eight kids and 27 grandkids later and traveling around the country and this and that and the other.

And a lot of he's, he's, uh, He's challenged us, pushed us into places where we had to trust God. And that's a wonderful, it's a hard thing, but it's a wonderful thing. When Holly and I, we'd been married our senior year of college, then we went to seminary. And we heard about a thing called a marriage seminar that was coming to town with a guy named Tim Timmons.

And that seminar, by the way, was a kind of a precursor to what family life ministries would become and a lot of what they would teach. And I ended up, we ended up years later in Little Rock where family life was located, pastoring many of those staff people and stuff. But it was life changing for us, wasn't it? I mean, when you get married, you don't have a clue what you're doing. All you have is what you've observed in your home. And fortunately for us, we had great parents and a godly home.

And so we had some good training just about life. And we had good examples. But you start living together in the same house or apartment at that moment. And you just don't know what you're doing. So we were feeling that in our early days.

And so we went to this conference and I will never forget, This session, I don't remember anything else that he taught, and I've adapted and changed this dramatically, but we learned something that really brought revival to our relationship, and it was real important. And when we travel to churches and speak to them, we know that if they want real revival, they really want to have something happen to them that they would begin to walk with God in a deeper way than they ever have.

It's got to happen in the home, doesn't it, honey? I mean, it just— Well, I don't think there's a better place to learn that than in your home. Yeah, it's the laboratory. Because that's where, I mean, for me, that's where I needed the Lord the most. Yeah. Yeah. That's where we live. So anyway, and she lives with me, which means she really needs the Lord.

Some days more than others. Some days more than others. There are two common scenes that are often in most homes that create the greatest friction. Did I say fiction? I think I did. Yeah, I meant friction and conflict. One is this, reacting to your mate's weaknesses. In other words, everybody's got weaknesses. We all have our weaknesses.

And when you get into marriage, you just think, you get to the end of the first year and about the end of that, First year, you say, I didn't know he was going to do that every day. I didn't know she was going to leave her makeup all over the counter. I didn't know that. I didn't know that he was going to come stand behind me when I was washing my face in the sink the first year we were married. And I looked up and his head was right above me and he was making this horrible monster face.

And I turned around and shoved him and said, don't ever do that again. She didn't know that I was going to surprise her a lot in marriage. But we all have these weaknesses. You know, the things that after a while, they might be funny at first, but they're not funny after a while.

That never was funny. Yeah, but after the thousandth time that we're late somewhere or the thousandth time that your husband leaves his clothes on the floor after you've asked him not to do it, it's just not, it's irritating. And we react to those weaknesses. We start by saying, hey, would you please do this? And when they don't, then it gets to be a problem. The second common scene in a marriage is putting your mate on a performance treadmill.

In other words, what you say is, well, would you do this? Or you're expecting them to do this? Or, you know, my dad never did that. Why are you doing that? And you're saying what that communicates to your mate is, if you will perform the way I think you ought to perform, then I love you. Then you'll get my acceptance. Well, you can imagine these two things of reacting to your mate's weaknesses. By the way, do you do that?

And number two, putting your mate on a performance treadmill. Do you ever do that?

That those two things build an atmosphere of conditional love. And boy, that's no foundation for a home, is it? And lots of conflict. And lots of conflict. I mean, it's just, really, I think it is a source of almost all conflict in the home. So what's the remedy?

Does God have a remedy for that that would bring revival to our home and resolve that conflict and that conditional love? Well, it does. And very simply put, it's learning how to accept my family and accept my mate just as God in Christ has accepted me in the same way. And it's so simple what we're about to talk about and so profound. And it's found in the second chapter of the Bible.

How cool is that? Right from the beginning, God illustrates it, and he illustrates it with the moment when God creates Eve. Now, what happens in Genesis 2, Holly, you know this and teach this, is that God looked at all the animals and the creation. He said, this is good, this is good, this is good. And then he made man and he said, it's not good. In other words, it wasn't that it wasn't spectacular. He was made in the image of God, but it was incomplete.

There's something missing. And he said, it's not good for man to be alone. So I'm going to make a helpmate for him and... Literally, that word means a completer, a compliment, right? You know, Holly, when we were young around in our day, when kids would like each other, you know, they had these half-heart necklaces. You remember those? And you'd put them together and they just fit perfectly, right? Then you'd give one to your girlfriend, one other guy.

And when you break up, you know, you'd throw it away or whatever. So it's like that. I mean, God says, I'm not going to make the woman exactly like the man. In fact, I'm going to make her very different. I said, thank goodness. Thank goodness. Yeah. Nothing would have worked right. And so he said, she's going to be just as much and just as gloriously made in my image, but she's going to be different. She's diverse from him. So this will work right.

And so let me just pick up the story right here in Genesis 2. It said that the Lord said, it's not good for man to be alone. I will make him a help me suitable for him. And so he put Adam to sleep, as you know, and took from him and made the woman. And before that happened, though, something really fascinating happened. And that is that God one day in the garden said to Adam while he was still alone, he said, Adam, we're going to do something today.

We're going to because you're the ruler of over the earth under me. And we're going to name the animals. And so the Bible says, literally, it says that Adam started naming the animals. But among those animals, a helpmate was not found that was suitable for Adam. So this is really funny. It's like Adam's sitting there and here comes a hippopotamus. He said, well, let's call that a hippopotamus, but let's don't call it my wife.

And then here's a giraffe comes by and he says, man, you know, great neck, beautiful legs, but I don't think that would work. And one by one, and you think, why in the world did God do it like this? And they were directly looking for a mate for him, as they were naming, because that's what the scripture says. But I think what he was doing is he was developing an appreciation in Adam for what he was about to do. So he puts Adam to sleep. He creates Eve out of Adam.

And Adam wakes up and he sees Eve. Now, you just think of this moment. But the Bible, you know, black and white on the page, I don't think can quite capture the emotion of that moment. And we read it like this. We read that he looked at her and he said, this is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh. She shall be called woman because she was taken out of a man. Not too romantic.

And I don't think that's how it happened. I think Adam woke up, and based on what he'd been looking at for the last, you know, two days of these other animals, he looked at her and probably said something like, oh, my goodness, you know, hallelujah, whoa, Nellie, how wonderful is this? I'm not sure he said, whoa, Nellie. Oh, I think he did. He's from the South, you know. So anyway, it was just spectacular. And it was. And in every way, she was a complement.

She was a completer to him. Physically, that was very clear, obviously. Emotionally, spiritually, mentally, they just completed each other. And, you know, you just got to believe that in those garden days before the fall, it was just absolutely spectacular. Because they were made in his image, but they were made different to complete each other. And they were walking with God and living the way he designed.

Now, this illustrates if we want revival in our home, what we've got to do. First of all, number one, you write this down. Realize your mate has been given to you by God. Right. The Bible says in Proverbs, he who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord. The Bible says every good and perfect gift comes from above. The Bible says children are a gift from the Lord and a reward. Now, you might say, but you don't know my husband. You don't know.

He's I thought he was good. I thought this was going to be wonderful. But boy, he's not good and he's not good for me. and you don't know how we got together and blah, blah, blah, you know. But the truth of the matter is, if you're married, that man, that woman is the will of God for you now. Regardless of how you got it, you may not have even been Christians. You may have been a wild person and in your mind, as you look back, made a dumb mistake marrying this person.

But it is not the will of God for you to be, to leave them. And so God is in the redeeming. He can take anything and redeem it. And he's in the redeeming business. And so they are the will of God for you now. And you can find a way to have fresh revival in that relationship and in that home, if you all will cooperate with the Lord. And so I've got to accept, I've just got to accept my mate and realize they're a gift from God.

Secondly, and this is key, accept your family, your mate as God's gift and perfect provision for your needs. Adam saw this right off in the garden atmosphere. But we look at our mates after time, particularly at first, well, they're just perfect. You know, you say, well, tell me about your wife. Oh, man, where I'm weak, she's strong. You know, my wife is a good organizer. I'm not a good organizer.

We're a good complement to each. When I'm doing premarital counseling, I always ask couples, I say, where do you see your wife already completing you? Where do you see your husband already completing you? They instantly know. You know, and that's what drew them to each other. But over time, they start seeing the weaknesses and say, man, those weaknesses, if he didn't have those weaknesses, then he would complete me. But those weaknesses are destroying me.

And everybody, the men and the women, are going to have weaknesses. Everybody. You can only find a perfect husband or wife. Finding a way to do that for each other and still follow Christ, do exactly what he says. But it doesn't mean necessarily that overnight that's going to happen. No, and it doesn't mean that you condone sin and a mate's life. That's not what we're talking about here. When we went to that marriage seminar, I guess 50 years ago at least, it's amazing. Who knows?

So they gave us a little worksheet. I've taken that through the years and adapted it. I've used it with hundreds and hundreds of couples that we've counseled with. And I want you to just envision this sheet because it's going to be great to take a piece of paper. And on the left-hand side in a column, write the words, my mate's strengths. Strengths. And so I just encourage people, OK, take a minute and below that column, just write your mate's strengths.

Well, he's this, she's this. That's that's easy to come up with. In the next column, write my mate's weaknesses. If you've been married very long, you you've identified those that that that page comes real easily. And that that column might be a lot longer, longer. Yeah, because we tend to focus on those weaknesses. Now, here's the key. In the third column, write my responses to their weaknesses. So you might have over here in column two, well, my mate's always late. They're always late.

And it just drives me nuts. And it's keeping me from being, you know, God's man. And it's such a hindrance to our family, blah, blah, blah. And in the third column, my response is you say, well, what do you do? Well, I ask her, I tell her what time it is. Doesn't seem to help. I yell at her. Honk the horn. I go out in the car and I honk the horn. All those are so wonderfully helpful to your mate. They just say, oh, he's honking the horn. It must be time to go.

So, and over this column, I get impatient. I get mad. I get angry. We don't talk all the way to where we're going. Over that column, you can write one word, and it's the word sin. It's the word sin. I'm responding the wrong way. And then write a fourth column next to that. And here's the column heading. it. What character could God work in my life if I would respond God's way? So, well, he could develop patience. He could develop kindness. He could develop unconditional love.

And if I embrace the truth that my mate is God's gift to me, even in their weaknesses, even their weaknesses, if I respond the wrong way, I quit pointing the finger at them. If you'd just be better, we'd have a happy marriage. I start saying, Lord, what are you trying to teach me? And regardless of whether they respond the right way, I'm going to respond the right way. Well, and at some point, if you start doing that, then that seesaw gets level because you're learning how to handle those things

with each other instead of always reacting to them. Yeah. And instead of feeling like I'm a prisoner of circumstances, I've got this husband, I've got this wife that always does these things. You see yourself in a classroom of opportunity. Can I do your list next time? They don't actually know that that was your list. Now you just exposed it. I made it pretty clear. Yeah, I did. Well, I'm just familiar. It's just a clear illustration. Anyway, so forgive me. And then there's one more column.

So I've listed my mate's strengths, their weaknesses, my wrong responses, the character God could develop, and what he wants to do, And identify that so that I can thank God, not for the weakness, but for the opportunity to respond and grow, even in spite of the weakness. And then the last column is my new response. So instead of yelling and screaming and honking the horn, I'm going to go and say, hey, can I help you with the kids?

And when she pulls herself off the floor, you know, so, I mean, there can be practical weaknesses and it just becomes I've got to develop a new pattern. Well, you know what that does? Instead of this reacting to their weaknesses and putting them on a performance basis, you do this and I'll like you and I'll be nice to you. Suddenly, I'm accepting my mate and appreciating my mate, even in their weaknesses. Well, and honestly, those weaknesses drive us to need the Lord.

Oh, yeah. To be able to respond in the right way. God's great tool to do that.

And then a final thing I would say about this, honey, is that you then go and express this to your wife or to your husband. Adam said something to Eve. You're bone of my bones. You're mine. I'm yours. We're together and we're going to stay together. And I might give you some suggestions about how to express that. If you sit down with a legal pad and work on this like we're talking about, you may need to go to your mate and start with a confession.

You know, hey, you know what? I've just been reacting, reacting, reacting. I've been probably making you feel like if you don't do these things. I remember a woman came in to counsel with us. I'll never forget this. It was in Augusta, Georgia. And she was such a perfectionist that it was driving their whole family nuts. And it was intense. And as we talked with her.

It came out that her husband had said to her early in their marriage over and over again, if you don't keep this house spotless, I'm leaving. Well, it created this fear in her. And so she was trying to perform so that he'd stay. So maybe it starts with a confession. Forgive me for doing these things. And then a commitment to right responses. You know, I've worked on this. I'm not going to do this perfectly.

Don't expect perfection, but I'm going to work on this. And by the grace of God, I want to respond these ways. And I want to thank God for you. I just, I knew what he is doing. And here's the final thing, verbalize your commitment to permanence. I'm in this thing. We were in Morristown, Tennessee, and this lady, I had been teaching on this. And a lady comes up to me one night. She has tears in her eyes. She's kind of laughing.

And I said, what? She said, you know, you taught that and you taught about that commitment to permanence. Well, my husband, who's a man of few words, was sitting there listening to all that. And he wrote out the sheet. We were all doing it together. And he said, the next morning he got up and I feed him his breakfast. He always reads the paper And I kind of slide the food under the paper, you know, at breakfast time. And she said yesterday, through the paper, he didn't even lift his paper.

He said, honey, he said, I went to the burial service and I had your name written. Scratched into the marble by mine. And that's all he said. And she said, now, some men would say that more romantic. And then she started to weep. And she said, but you know, in its own way, what he was saying is, sink or swim, live or die, I'm in this thing with you till death. She said, it meant more to me than anything he could possibly do.

Brought fresh revival to their home. It releases you from reacting to your mate's weaknesses. You don't have to do that anymore because you see them as even a gift from God. It releases them from feeling like they're on a performance basis. And it's the greatest key to affecting change. If you sit there nagging me about my weaknesses, I know something happens. That's not an effective means. But if you will love me in the midst of that, it's the greatest opportunity.

First Peter 3 is very clear about that. And it pleases your father. It just says to God, God, you knew what you're doing when you gave me this mate. And I'm going to accept the mate that you've given me and find you in the midst of it. I promise you this will lead probably more than any other truth.

This will lead to revival in your home. So we want to pray this in. And Holly, I'm going to ask you to just pray for us, would you? And lead our listeners. Join us right now. Don't just listen, but join us as we pray. Why don't you pray for this? Father, we're just so grateful that not only did you create us in ways that you knew would be right, But also, you are constantly present with us. When we desire it, when we choose it.

And when we do that, then the things that you have created to work, we get to live out. And so what we do with those choices is huge. That's right. And it matters for the rest of our life that we understand these truths. And so we're grateful that you have recorded them for us, that you come to us to allow us to live out those truths. That's beautiful. Not only, Father, do you teach us, but you empower us if we look to you. And so we pray that we wouldn't just be hearers, but we would be doers.

We would respond to what we've heard today. And Lord, it could really lead to revival in our homes. And that's what we pray for in your name. amen amen amen well thanks holly for being here and thanks everybody for joining us and we're going to talk about this next time uh we're going to do several more programs and podcasts on revival in your home i hope you join us thanks. Music.