Mini Episode- Why Worrying Doesn't Work

a couple pretty well known teachings. The first is the classic serenity prayer that is used in alcoholics Anonymous another twelve step programs, which I'm pretty sure everybody has heard at this point. However, as they say, repetition doesn't spoil the prayer, So it goes like this, God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom

to know the difference. This was written by Reinhold Neiber and it appeared sometime around nineteen forty three in his first sermons, but I don't think it was actually published until about nineteen fifty one. But it's part of a

longer prayer which is pretty interesting. But the shorter part is the one that we all know the second teaching of this comes from a more secular place, although he was also a religious man, and is Steve and our Covey, and you'll know that we have been releasing some courses on the seven habits of highly effective people, and this is part of the first habit to be proactive, where he talks about something called the circle of influence versus the circle of concern, and the idea being that there

is a if you imagine two circles, the larger one being our circle of concern and the smaller one being our circle of influence. What Covey is really recommending is to stay focused in that circle of influence those things that we can control or at least influence, and leave those things that are we make care about but don't have any influence or control over alone, and spend our

focus on those things that we can't control. And if we do that, then that circle of influence tends to grow, and if we don't, that circle of influence tends to shrink. So why does that Why does it work that way? Why would spending more time in our circle of influence cause it to grow? Or if we spend more of our time in our circle of concern, why would it cause our circle of influence to shrink? And I think it really comes down to the fact of the toll

that worrying takes. Uh Leo Bascalia boos Galia, how do you even say that guy's name? Leo boust Gallia says, worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow, It only SAPs today of its joy. Dale Carnegie says that our fatigue is often caused not by work, but by worry, frustration, and resentment. Worry tends to exhault us and take away our strength and energy that we could be applying to

our circle of influence. We have this tendency to think that worry is actually doing something, but the truth is it wears on us, it doesn't work for us, It steals that energy in life, and it also damages relationships. So this is a pretty straightforward concept, but I think where it gets tricky is how do we know what

falls into each circle? This is that famous gray area that we talk about that is challenging, and it's the wisdom that the Serenity prayer is asking for one useful way to determine which circle our concerns are in, whether they're in the circle of concern or the circle of influences. By listening to the language that we use, we can distinguish between the use of the words have and be. Our circle of concern is full of halves, while our

circle of influence is full of bees. For example, if I just had a boss that that is in our circle of concern, I can be a better is in your circle of influence. If there's an action that you can take to make the situation better, then it's in your circle of influence. However, if it was this easy, there wouldn't be an enormously popular prayer asking for the wisdom to know the difference. There's a lot of things that fall right in the middle of this. There's decisions

to be made, there's options to pick from. There are situations that tend to be gray. But if we can spend less and less of our time worrying about and focusing on the things that are clearly out of our controller influence, then we're gonna have more energy and power to make the right choice on these things that are sort of in the gray area. And I think this is really the key point that I'm getting at, is

that this worry We've talked about it before. We've called it rumination, where your mind spins and spins on something. And what's the difference between rumination and problem solving is usually are we sort of plowing the same same ground over and over and over again. And so it's that idea of spending less time worrying and more time on the things we can do. I personally have a rule

that I've set for myself. I don't always follow it, but I try to, which says that if I am worried about something, I asked myself, is there anything at all I can do to make that situation better? And if so, then I try and take some action on that thing. So, if I'm worried about money, is there anything I can do right now about money? Is there a bill I can go pay? Is there something for my job that I'm not doing? Is there an email I've not answered about a consulting opportunity? I try and

get real concrete. Is there anything I can do if I'm worried about the kids? Is there something I can do for the kids? Is there something I was going to sign them up for that I didn't or a conversation I wanted to have with them that I didn't. But I try and get away from worrying and into action, and again almost instantly, when I do that, I feel better. A quick summary is that worrying and exhausts us, It

wears this out, and it's not really doing anything. The best way to get peace is to focus on these things that we can control and that observe in our life. Anguage can sometimes be helpful in understanding whether something is something we control or something we should accept. And finally, another quote from Robin S. Sharma where she says worry drains the mind of its power and sooner or later it injures the soul. Hopefully all this has been helpful.

As always, we would love to hear from you. If you'd like to get our free seven Habits for Highly Effective People course, go to our website one, you feed, dot net, slash email and sign up. You can get it there and we will have another episode out on Tuesday. Thanks so much for listening as always, and talk again soon. Bye