Lenuta Hellen Nadolu on Courage and Survival

ashamed to be white. Why I'm saying that is because I could never understand why we got so much love be spit and then we give them back just the opposite. Welcome to the one you feed. Throughout time, great thinkers have recognized the importance of the thoughts we have, quotes like garbage in, garbage out, or you are what you think ring true. And yet for many of us, our thoughts don't strengthen or empower us. We tend toward negativity, self pity, jealousy, or fear. We see what we don't

have instead of what we do. We think things that hold us back and dampen our spirit. But It's not just about thinking our actions matter. It takes conscious, consistent and creative effort to make a life worth living. This podcast is about how other people keep themselves moving in the right direction, how they feed their good wolf. Thanks for joining us. Our guests on the this episode is

Lanuta Helen Nadulu. Helen is a loving mother, a successful entrepreneur, and I shall find out in this interview a survivor. Most recently, Helen was a guest speaker at a United Nations High Commissioners for Refugees charitable event in support of women and girls in the Democratic Republic of Congo. Her new book is Give Me Courage, The Inspiring True Story of Survival and Escape. Hi, Helen, Welcome to the show. Eric, Thank you for having me on your show. I'm very

grateful for that. You are very welcome and I am very grateful to have you on. We're going to be discussing your book called Give Me Courage, The Inspiring True Story of Survival and Escape. And I know you wanted to mention the title of the book in Spanish for listeners. In Spanish, it's translated to wonderful. So we'll get into the book in a second. But let's start like we

always do with the wolf parable. There's a grandmother who's talking with her granddaughter and she says, in life, there are two wolves inside of that are always at battle. One is a good wolf, which represents things like kindness and bravery and love, and the other is a bad wolf, which represents things like greed and hatred and fear. And the grand outer stops. She thinks about it for a second. She looks up at her grandmother and she says, well, grandmother,

which one wins? And the grandmother says, the one you feed. So I'd like to start off by asking you what that parable means to you in your life and in the work that you do. Thank you, Eric. Each day I sit with the imagery of both wolves, the good wolf and the bad wolf. It's a constant reminder of my thoughts selection what is to be nurtured and what

is to be released. After many years of emotional struggle, losing myself in sorrow, regret, anger, guilt, and frustration, I have come to realize on a conscious level that I needed to shive my behavior, which I name the feeding ritual of the two wolves in regards to what to whom when, where, how, and why I feed each wolf. The need arose soon after my daughter Nancy introduced me

to your inspiring podcast. The one you feed the Good Wolf leads me to compassion, acceptance, and forgiveness, releasing the dark thoughts, anger, patriot, and fear which comes from feeding

the bad wolf. Without a bad wolf, the good wolf could not exist, and the awareness of their coexistent energy brings me to the present, recognizing the power of my mind to increase self awareness by examining the continuous flow of my thoughts and choices in turning thoughts into action, working towards the person I want to be in this lifetime. This parable helps me to travel consciously in my daily life, to receive grace with an open heart, and create space

within my being for compassion, respect, love, and forgiveness. M that's a beautiful sentiment that is very very well said. Let's start with your book by kind of just tell us a little bit about what growing up was like for you. I know that you grew up in Romania, so tell us a little bit about your childhood. I was born in Transylvania, and in Transylvania, the part of Romania which is well in a way. It's called the home of drag La, and it's a frightening thought for many. Yeah,

that's true. I was born and this part of the country, or strongly did I did, between Hungarians and Romanians. I was born in my grandmother's house and I had my happiest memories where until the age of five, when my father decided to move us to the south where he came from, and we got my life. As young as I was, I just felt that I was removed from my place, something which later in life I earned to

go back. Unfortunately, I wasn't able because I made choices. Yeah, and so as you grew up there, you grew up in a communist country that was struggling at the time, but as you grew a little bit older, you met a doctor who played a pretty prominent role in your life. Tell me a little bit about that situation, because this kind of starts to lead us into your need to survive and escape. I've doctor Victor at all, the father of my children. Back in the seventy three in Buccarets, Romania.

He was a kind and compassionate Gunaian man nearing the end of his scholarship in the hospital where he was working there night as a gynecologist and obstetrician to save women from prison and from the brink of death. I hope I get the black doctor. Many women in trouble pray when they're rived at the hospital with a complication caused by legal abortions, such acceptis semia. Has happened to my mother a patient, and that's how I met title. He was my mother's doctor. In Romania at the time,

abortions very illegal. In termination of a pregnancy was performed at home with the help of alternative deadly methods. Some succeeded, a few were saved in the hospital under the condition that they first confessed before treated and then be sent to jail, while many died in silence. Dr Victor Atto

was the only doctor. So you met this doctor, you're saying, because your mother had to go to the hospital and abortions were illegal at that point, and either you confessed to the abortion, in which case you got medical care and then you were sent to jail, or you just never confessed and most people died. But that this doctor

Victor handled things differently, correct, That is true. So he doctor Victor Atto, he was the only one in the hospital the only doctor who refused to obey the confection confession protocol, and ironically, being black and falling in this circumstance during the Cold War give him immunity against the cruel,

dictatorial dictator. She the system we're all living under. Saving lives in the Romanian hospital and putting his duty of care first and foremost was absolute from doctor victor Ato, and this was despite the childhood humiliation he suffered at the hands of a white doctor who grutually slapped his face in the presence of his father after moving a piece of paper victor inserted inside is in his own

year whilst playing with other children. He chose to be a different doctor by passing his own pain of constantly being reminded he's black, often recalling that what he often he heard inside the hospital calls I'm a good doctor, outside I'm black. M So he was well respected within the hospital, but then outside, in the Manian culture, he was discriminated against strongly because he was black, and sometimes Eric, you know, he would and it happened when I was

with him as well. We will walk on the street and we see one some of his patients, ex patients crossing the road and saying, sorid doctor, you know, I'm not supposed to talk to you because you're black. So you met the doctor when your mom was in the hospital and tell us kind of what the relationship between you and Dr Victor was over time. So what happened that I was out aware that my mom had illegal abortion performed on head and because she was sick that

like people. So just before I went to school that day, I went to one of my neighbors I trusted because it's something you just don't really talk about it, and I told her to look after my mother. And when I came back from school, and she told me that my mother was taken to the hospital because she was changing color and she was getting really very ill, and that was a black doctor who looked after her. So I immediately went to the hospital. And the rules of

the entrance in the hospital are very strict. You had to visit only two days a week, which was Thursday and Sunday. Unfortunately, there were not the days, and I asked the porter to let me in and uh, at the same time I was arguing with him. I saw this black doctor because he was the only one I heard coming out. So he asked me what was my issue? So I told him the story and he said, come on, I will take you to your mom. Yes, it is true. I have performed the d n c DE abortion for

her and she's all right with it. And before then he had to ask me to go to his room to just put a gown on my shoulders, which was the white gown when the students would wear, to give me passage into the hospital so he doesn't get into trouble. And so then my mother, when she looked at me, she said, where did you meet him? So I said, I don't get it. And Victor left and the next day my father asked me to take some tips to him, because that's what was the tradition in room at the

custom you tipped the doctor and he refused. Victor refused, and with that was the end the first time. And then a few months later, unfortunately I fainted at school and I was taking to the emergency and in the emergency room, I just heard doctor Victor's voice and I thought, oh, that's the black doctor. And I had to go through some private which you know I find very difficult. It's

in the book the details. I was admitted in his word, and the next thing, um, we started talking, and there was that sense of familiarity, you know, when he placed that white gown on my shoulders, I just felt, you know, this energy, you know, flowing through my body. There was something and I've always had that awareness. So I felt very familiar with him, you know. And I was very open and talking, and I was always so fascinated about the free world because we're never allowed to even in quarrier.

And then we had beautiful discussion, interesting discussion. He was telling me about Africa, and I was trying to find out you know, the tails people were talking about Africa, women being sold and being sold phone common and all these fantasies the Romanians held about Africa. And then I was discharged from the hospital and he asked me if

I could meet him. So, although I was preparing for my Earth Wealth final exams and my university entry, I agreed, and behind my parents back, I went to bid team. But what happened to work with the black man, the whole area will know about it. So the word arrived home that they saw me walking with a black doctor. And then my mother, you know, she promised me never to do it, to meet him again and I refused to promise, and I got smile act with a wooden spoon to until I will say no, I'm not going

to meet. And I never said that, so in the end she had to stop smarting me. And after that I decided to have a break to go and see my ex trumps in Transylvania to enter my law school philosophy and law. And when I came back, but then I had gone back to Boocalest to back up my paths and my younger sister, which who with six years younger, um, she came and she said, Helen, very softly, she said,

you know something. She said, that black doctor, he's been sending so many white doctors Romainian doctors here to ask where you are. He needs to find you. And I was quite surproused because I didn't think that I meant that much to him. So I decided to give him a call to let him know what I'm going to do. And I ran him in the hospital and when he heard my voice, he was so overwhelmed to enjoy and he asked me to come over to his house for dinner.

So I agreed. And my little sister, she is six years younger than me, but she's always the one who always found ways of misbehaving behind my parents back. So I couldn't do it because I was so straightened. You know, you look at my face, and you know, you know my parents who know I'm lying. So I asked to plan going out, because we're never allowed to live at night.

We had to be back by seven o'clock. And so we sorted it out and I ranked him as we are coming, and we went to his apartment and the first thing there was this later I called it the Center of Africa, you know that that center of food. Yours hooking peanuts, but a soup which is almost amazing soup, you know, I had, and we were really enjoying dinner.

And then with my sister, we're talking and my sister she's a bit chicky, and you know, she's funny, and I was getting very nervous because I could see the night was falling and we had to leave, and I kept on saying to my sister, come on, let's go, and my sister said, no, no, no, because she needed to finish the peanuts and the coca cola, because that

is a rarity Romania. So in that time I, being Victor, asked me to go to the bedroom and then is there way I lost my virginity And after it happened, I just realized the point sequences of it, and I knew. I went home and the next day my mother realized that and I was too scared to confess, and they've taken me to the doctors. And so the story goes on. Oh, so you and Victor then go on and get married

and go to Africa together right after many years. Because in Romania, to get married to a foreigner, first you need to apply to the government, but the president of the country to actually approve your marriage. But at the same time, you needed a consent of your parents, regardless how you were. When I needed the consent, I was around plenty, but I still needed my parents concern and my father refused to give it to me um saying that you urada see me dead, you know that leave

Romania to go to Africa. But after I had my oldest daughter, Elsie, he said, because of the child, I'll give you the consent. But this is only because he didn't want it my daughter to be left without the father. And so you guys then moved to Africa yes, that's yeah. So you moved to Africa and things don't go very well with the marriage. There haven't been well for a long time before or even I left Romania. They were

not right for a long time. But I had no other choice, Eric, because living back with my black child would have course so much paid for my daughter, and I chose to follow the path and go. Your daughter was facing a lot of hatred and discrimination in Romania for being black. I think you write in the book that people would spit at her and call her a

black crow. Yeah, people who spit And I remember one one day I had to go by Trump and you know the journey, it's a little bit shaky, and I was holding my daughter and uh, I was next to the church which are for in the public transport for disabled and people they needed help to sit down, and there was a very rocking journey, and one of an older traveler said to the young man who was sitting on the chair, would you please stand up and give

you a seat to this lady with a child. And the next thing there was this flooding of insults, you know, calling me a slut, calling my child a black row, speaking on us in saying that if I was able to sleep with the black man, I should be able to sustand the wrong in Trump. So that was one instance which you know, he still he still lives with. That was the most deciding moment when I knew I had to live Romania. Yeah. So even though things with Victor we're not going well, you knew you were not

in a good relationship. You felt like you had no choice but to get your daughter out of Romania. That's right, that's right. You know. It's something which was very close to my heart, the responsibility I had towards my child, the responsibility of a growing up happy yep. And so you get to Ghana and you are kind of now in a totally new world. There's some wonderful parts of it, but lots of really bad parts of it. Strangely, Eric, when I arrived in Ghana, those moments the way the

end of the discrimination and abuse. In Ghana, I was surrounded by laugh, by by respect, the opposite experience which I had in Romania. My father in law, he was the most amazing man. He was like the father. I

never had that good relationship. I had a father, but the relationship wasn't as good as I had with my father and the fact that I was white, and that's what so surprised me, because you know, in Ghana, despite the colonial times and I don't know the history that much, but I suppose they have difficulties, they still revered the

white people. And myself, within myself, I was so ashamed to be white on im say in that is because I could never understand why we that's so much love we spat and then we give them back just the opposite, the abuse and the her and racial slurs. And that wasn't happening in Ghana, but you know, I lived with what it happened in Romania. You know the way we treat that Romanians and treat black people. So your marriage continues to deteriorate in Ghana and you hit a point

where you decide you need to leave. Say more about that. Yes, so I had a bitter divorce because he chose to have a second wife. And despite the fact, you know that I was white, I had so much support. I was the first white woman to divorce a black man in the Ghanaian court and I went first to one lawyer. He refused to take my case upon hearing who my husband was and my serve name because I was Mrs Sato. I then was in produced. But my late brother in law to one lawyer, Mr mad a mark of few,

and I went to see him. I thought my brother in law sent me to him just to help me divorce. But the reason behind that for my brother in law was to keep it as quiet and as silent as he could do and hoping that the lawyer is going to change my mind. And mother was amazing, you know. He sat with me and he explained me the consequences if I, you know, divorce, I mean, it's the custody

of my children. And he realized and he would try to talk to my husband and see whether he can we can sort of sit down and negotiate our marriage. Which I wasn't very happy about it because for me, in my heart, I know it was the end. And he said, look, leave it with me. I will let you know in a couple of days because I don't know whether I would be able to take or not the case. And in a couple of days he called me to the chambers and he said, look, I need

to be very honest with you. It has been the hardest decision for me. Doctor Victor Ato. He was my mate in the boarding school and in our whole job. We don't go against our friends. But I had a chat with him and the way he handled our meeting or something which I was deeply disappointed. So based on that, I decided to go ahead with the divorce, filing the divorce.

But I just wanted you to know that you still risk losing your children because at that time, you know, I was just doing just a few you know, small things as works. So he was, you know, a doctor with a big income, with a big reputation. So as one day Victor said in court when he objected the judge giving me the custody of all children and my children, he said, she's nothing and I'm a doctor. So that's summarized his position. Anyway. In the end, I was so lucky.

My court case was presided by a judge, a lady judge who could see and understand where I came from. And I got all the financial entitlements I should get. The only job I had is to look after my children. But then we had an issue of you know, my children going to see their father, you know, at the weekends, and then I felt my children they were poisoned their minds to a point when after three days my son would not even want to come to me. He was

a toddler. So I decided, and I think the best thing is for me, funny on all discomforts, I need to leave all behind. And I decided to pack my bags with my suitcases and the children and fly them out illegally because I was giving the custody of the children back only we did Ghana, not to take them out of Ghana. So I decided to smuggle them. And I had a very good friend, actually two good friends of mine who helped me. I in an alex and

I was able to escape. In the book, you tell the story of sort of getting the children, getting on the plane and just how much fear you had about you know, if you had been caught trying to take the children back to Romania. It's a very tense situation. Was so tense I still have at times nightmares of those moments because if I was to be caught, my children would have been taken away from me. Because that's so many Gunian men used to do when they went

to Ghana. They decided to marry a white woman. If the white woman will not agree or will not be happy with it. They will just make sure they are rich their departure, departure in the middle of the night, and the children. And then I had another experience not long before I flew out. I came up ros this white lady as you. She was from North Europe, and I dedicated my book to her. She became an alcoholic jewe to the pain she couldn't enjoy anymore. And she

was in the ghata, you know, smelly. I was with my drive at the time, and I tried to help it and I couldn't. She was just almost unconscious. So that was for me one of the biggest moments to realize and to know and to see what emotional pain can do to us. And that memory I carried with me and I still carry, and I wanted to dedicate the book. So you smuggle the three children out of Ghana in a daring escape and you get back to Romania.

Which is good that you got out of Ghana, but now you've moved back to the same situation of being in the country that is not going to be very friendly to your three children. Yes, and I knew that, but I had no at that option at the moment because while I was in Ghana, before I left, I tried to get an entry visa as a tourist in Canada, but I was refused. So I knew that my only

option for the time being is Romania. And the shock I had eric once Landon I went through the checkout immigration, I just realized I just came to find out that I forgot to speak Romanian and it's only was only a couple of years away from Romania. So I was so shocked because later I found out it's a post

traumatic scene TRUMP. So because of what Romania meant for me and my memories, they were hunting me and the fear of going back into the same country and I forgot the language, and that was one big shock for me. So I went back home and my parents they were very good and uh they were trying to come for me and keep on asking me to please keep up

my passport because I didn't want it. I had a passport, the Romanian passport issued because I was married to a foreigner, and when I entered that country, I didn't tell them I wasn't married with the man who facilitated me to have that passport, So my parents. They kept on saying, give up passport. You learn what you learned, and now you have to get on and look after your children. We are going to help you. You will get the office job. And you know they were trying to, you know,

make it better for me. But I knew that my dream was to give my children a life free of races of abuse. And I just needed to leave Romania and I needed time to find the country where I

could go. And while I was in Romania, I decided to apply for United States and I was refused, and then m I went to a psychic and she told me that I was going to go to a country starts with a And the taxi driver dropped us right in front of the Australian Embassy and I said to my friend Assaiary, this is the country with a Australia And my friend I said, I'm crazy. Do you know where Australia is? And I said, sort of the methina I know about Australia. It was the greatest export of

all And then I have applied. Uh So I went into the embassy and I had to go to a short interview and I remember those this kind of Australian man. It is have glasses looking at me, questioning, because obviously I was suspicious. You know, I've been in Romania for such a long time, so many months without my husband, the children, they're back that and he said to me, you know something left to application here with me. But let me be honest with you. She said, I don't

trust you. You want to live in Australia. And I looked at him and as my I said, what makes you think I will do that? Is that a fact I have a Romanian passport? And he looked at me. He said, ring me in a couple of days and I will let you know. So when I rank him in three days start he said, yes, although I don't believe you, I will still give you the visa. So that's how I managed to get the Australian tourist visa. So you land in Australia and you're eventually able to

get your children there with you. Yes, after one year, quite a travail you went through to get out of Ghana, to get back to Romania, to find a land to live in, rejected from the US and Canada, and you get to Australia and finally after a year, you're able to reunite your family. I clearly remember that day, Eric, the relief I felt when I saw my children arriving

in Sydney and from the airport we went home. I managed to rent a beautiful place in a beautiful area, and I was walking along the park, the side park, with my children and see my children so happy, and my eldest daughter asking me, ill, see, Mama, why do people here in Sydney spit on you and call us black cross? You know? And I tell her you like here. And this is not to say that Australia it was always free over racist, it's clear from the ab oliginal struggle.

But comparing to Romania at that time and perhaps now, my children were treated more fairly in this land of opportunity of Australia. And you guys have remained happily in Australia all these years later. Yes, we are so happy. I mean even this morning I was we're talking to

my son. You know how sometimes I have to pinch myself because I realized, but to see how happy we are here and the opportunity we have, and even to be able I was talking to my son this morning to be able to come to this place for holiday if it has been beyond my wildest dring, I was total gift. Australia has been a gift to us. You were very brave to go through everything that you went

through for you guys to make it there. And I think it's such a beautiful story that shows you know how much everyone just wants a place that they can be safe and not discriminated against and not under dictator type rule, and you know, just the chance to live a decent life. I count my blessing every day, especially when I watched the news around the world, even with

this coronavirus. You know, we've been so well looked at times, so scared of, and I am so grateful every day I say my prayer of gratitude to this country and to this place and to this line. Well, we have a lot of Australian listeners, so shout out to all you Australian listeners for all the kindness your country has show owned to Helen. Well, Helen, thank you so much

for taking the time to come on again. Your book is called Give Me Courage, and it's a really brave and beautiful story, and you have such a wonderful spirit. You're so kind, you're so brave. It's just been a pleasure to get to know you. Thank you Eric for having me. I feel blessed to be able to share my story on your podcast because it's such an inspiring podcast. Thank you. I feel really blessed. Thank you, Thank you

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