Brenden Dilley

We tend toward negativity, self pity, jealousy, or fear. We see what we don't have instead of what we do. We think things that hold us back and dampen our spirit. But it's not just about thinking. Our actions matter. It takes conscious, consistent, and creative effort to make a life worth living. This podcast is about how other people keep themselves moving in the right direction, how they feed their

good Welcome to the show. Our guest on this episode is Brendan Dilley, author of Still Breathing, The Wisdom and Teaching of a Perfectly Flawed Man, a book which aims to assist its readers in living a more passionate and purposeful existence. Be aware that This is not your mom and dad's self help book. It will entertain, inspire, and potentially offend you. Hi Brendon, Welcome to the show. Hi am,

I'm excited to be great. Thanks for joining us. Our podcast is called The One You Feed, and it's based on the old parable where there's a grandfather who's talking with his grandson and he says, in life, there's a battle going on inside all of us all the time, and that battle is between two wolves. One is a good wolf who represents things like kindness and love and joy, and the other is a bad wolf who represents things

like hate, tread, and greed and fear. And the grandson stops and he thinks about it for a second and he says, well, well, grandfather, which one wins? And the grandfather says, the one you feed. So this podcast is based on that parable, and what we what we like to start off with is asking people what does that parable mean to them in both their life and in their work. First of all, I like the parable, UM, I think uh kind of emphasizing that all of us

do have a lot of different characteristics. I guess what I'm looking for, um, such of the anger of the jealousy of greed and resentment, and then as well as the joy and love and hope and some of those things. UM. And I think that it does kind of emphasize that is what's going to manifest, whether that's more of the things that we all hope, which is the you know, the empathy, truth and peace and all these types of things, or whether we're obsessing and emphasizing um, you know, the

ego or lies and inferiority and whatnot. UM. So, I definitely can identifying and I agree with the parable in that regard. UM. One of the things I guess I struggled with this was I'm not a really a big fan of duality, and I guess I'm not a big believer either, and so I guess for me, I suppose for me, the the only part that maybe didn't resonate with me was the idea that there's this battle, uh, that there's a natural battle going on with us, or

that there's two different people in with within us. I think it's for me in or one of the the way to being able to leave my life and and and kind of have some inner peace is the acknowledgement of all of these different um. Characteristics and idea that that's

not to judge them uh differently from one another. I don't know if that makes sense, but so for me, I guess the idea is that there's this battle uh, you know, over one over the other more or less, the the acknowledgement that all are within us, and we get to choose which which of these uh characteristics and

express on a day to day basis. That's a great segue into I. I've been spending a lot of time with your book, um, and one of the major themes that I think comes through really clearly over and over in the book is really being true to yourself and being who you are as opposed to what other people want you to be. And so kind of what you're

saying there ties right back into that. Yeah, and absolutely, and that's really I think, you know, And I've been around the self help industry for a lot of reason. My mother is a motivational speakering in the author and I've been around it since I was about the age of the leven. I started giving uh, you know, um testimonials and things like that at the age of twelve, and I was, you know, speaking here intently through my

team that you know, heard different advents and whatnot. And I did a out of m seeing and stuff in my early twenty Even the one thing that I've always had an issue with within the self help genre or even just in general, when you talk to people about you don't know if I want to necessarily limited to self help, but people who are trying to improve themselves in any regard, it's just tell incredibly hard they are

in themselves. Um, and how judgmental we are of self And it's almost like it's almost counter productive because there is such a there is such an obsession with uh kind of avoiding negative of quote unquote personality traits or characteristics. It's like this avoidance or harsh judgment of rather than an open acknowledgment. And um, and then you can actually choose what you want to express versus judging yourself to the point that you continue to manifest it. So, um,

there's definitely that being definitely throughout the book. Yeah, And so I would ask you you talk about how important it is to sort of be who you are, reflect

all the aspects of yourself. And um, I think that comes fairly naturally to some people, but I think a lot of people struggle with it also, And I'm curious, what would you what would you say to people who have spent years of their life sort of hiding certain parts of themselves or who they are, how do they start getting back on the track to being fully themselves

and expressing that. Um, I think first and foremost and I and I pushed this, and I you know, I was a personal trainer for a number of years, and I think really in and I planned every regard of my life, and that was forgiveness and to be able to forgive yourself for not being perfect. Um, you know. And it sounds cheesy to some people, all, you know, and I got to forgiven this exercise strong throughout the book as well, But it really is the basis of

everything in It's a really brief example. But even like in fitness, when I would work with my obese clients, I would begin teaching them rapidly forgiveness based on the food did they eat from one year to the next. You know, they'd come in and tell me, I, you know, they would be completely down in the dumps, devastate because the cheeseburger. In my response, one percent of the time that everybody who came in and said I had a

cheatment is good for you? I always changed the context for what they were talking about the way that they felt about that mistake, and I said, good for you, Oh we need good for me, and we know how to taste and that's me. That's okay. Now, you know. Men we discussed the result or what effects that might have on their body. But the forgiveness is forgiving yourselves for your past transgressions, whether it was ten minutes ago,

ten hours ago, or ten years ago. It's critical to be able to move fully in kind of creating a new context for your own life. And and that's that's really the one of the main themes of the book. The kind of touch on quite a big So who would you say this this book is for? Because you do you do sort of talk about, hey, this is not necessarily the book for somebody who is uh doing really well and uh, you know, driving a great car or having a great life. Who who is this book

targeted to? Um? You know? And that's a good question. And I wrote it for food more the generic cantric. I wrote it for everybody because I feel like anybody could grab it. But if you're going on they're honest opinion. I'm thirty one years old, and I grew up inside that. The hip hop generation I grew up in left in perfect you know. Uh, you know, I guess home life and stuff, a fantastic mother, but I grew up around even though in my mom it was pretty good. You know,

my parents did divorce and things like that. But I had a good upbringing. But my friends and the people that I grew up in. The count I grew up in was relatively lower middle class to lower class, and I tended to gravitate toward some of the more challenged kids. I don't know why. I just always be kind of identified with the struggle. And maybe it was, you know, my single mom, you know, single mom at thirteen that

I was raived by. So for me, I wrote the book basically targeting, you know, I wanted something that this generation can grab. I wanted something that someone aged seventeen or so the five could grab in in identify with not only the humor but also a lot of the concepts. And I wanted something that was a little bit more and I wanted something where, uh, you know, when I wrote it, I didn't want to alienate anybody. I didn't.

I did my best to not to not any anyone based on whatever mistakes they may have been, which is why I poured so much of my own life and mistakes into it. Yeah, it's very Uh. The subtitle of the book is the Wisdom Teachings of a Perfectly Flawed Man. So you're very you're very clear clear about that. And I do think the way you right is uh is has a certain um tone and a feel to it

that that um probably reaches that demographic pretty well. Um. One thing that comes up on this show kind of over and over is this idea of comfort versus happiness, or comfort versus doing the things that are in portant in your life. And I think that that seems to show up a lot in your book. Also, Um, how does someone stay aware of of those choices and and

keep themselves moving towards the right ones? You know? I think one of the things that it took me a long time to realize this and you're talking about right and wrong choices, which I really think it mostly comes down to the choice. I mean, we can't really judge the choices until we see the end result. And when I was looking backwards and going all that that choice or you know it's a good choice and you know

anything about what may have been gained from it. You know, for example, I'm separated two uh two women that you know that children with, and and I could easily look to allow it was not a good choice based on some of the things I had to endure from it. But then you know, I really can't be too too harsh in my choices because it allowed me to learn so much and from that pain, I was able to

help other people. And so the one thing that with the choices, I really I try to get everybody you know that I talk with all the things that I appreciate, to get away from the idea that that you're going to make a wrong choice. I think, as long as you're honoring your own yourself and you're not deviating from your own kind of code, whatever that code is, as long as you're feeling like you're you're honoring yourself and you're not going outside of your code, and you're gonna

be good. I think I think you're gonna you know, you can you can live with the mistakes even when you make them, because you know you had your heart and your your you're authentic in in the choice and you had your heart in the right place at the time that you you made the decision. Yeah, And I totally relate with the good versus bad that that that delineation. I usually I've always preferred the you know, there are skillful actions or unskillful actions, depending on what you're trying

to do. One of the things you talk about, though, is to be to make sure that you're being that your daily actions are being true to your bigger goals and your d bird desires. And I think that's kind of where I'm leading with that, is what are the things people do to make sure that what they're doing that day. Because it's easy to fall into comfort mode. It's easy to fall into I'm just gonna watch TV

again tonight. How do people keep themselves sort of focused on, Hey, there's a bigger goal I have or there's more I want out of life than is this right in front of me, and I'm gonna have to work to get there. You know. It's really interesting to because one of the things that you know, I talked about this with people, uh, you know, in my day to day life and I and I talked about it in the book. Here's Here's

what I meant. I know exactly what court you're referring to as far is make sure your daily actions consistent with what you're dreaming and goals are. It's not necessarily that I'm telling you to make sure you're taking action every day to reach your dreams. Obviously, that's if you're serious about your dreams and that's what you're gonna do. What I'm saying is if you're not gonna if you do actually doesn't match the dream or goal, what do

you have to do. Do you need to adjust a dream of goal to be more to realistic or consistent with who you are at that exact time in your life, or do you need to adjust your daily action because you're being lazy. So it's more about really being honest with ourselves about what we're doing. And what I mean is, if you're gonna sit in the bay every day or watch television and you're not gonna do anything, you have to work or whatever, and then you're gonna going to work.

And my point is if you're gonna do that, don't complain about it after the fact, Like just at least get to a place where you could be honest with yourself like, oh, you know, Brendan Wright, didn't you ever achieved X Y Z goal? Well, I didn't achieve it me that I chose. I made a conscious decision to not pursue it actively, you know, rather than you know,

a lot of people will complain. Uh, they kind of begin to resent their their own lives, and they do all these things, rather than if they had just stopped

and got honest about it. What normally ends up happening when you do get really honest about why you're not achieving your dreams or why you're not achieving your goals, One or two things happened when you realize, you know, maybe I'm not the guy who's supposed to achieve that dream or goal or two more, and hopefully it's more likely to Wow, I've gotta I've gotta really think about what I'm doing so I can actually become this person

that can achieve these types of dreams and goals. And so that's kind of what I mean when I when I know that corporate book, I'd like to maybe get into your story a little bit. There's there's a couple of different parts of it that I think, uh, it would be would be interesting for for the listeners. One is you describe I think it's a job you had and you describe it's sort of the place where you you hit absolute bottom for you and really learned a

lot about humility. Can you tell us a little bit about that job, maybe some of what happened there and what that moment of Uh. I think you described it as a bottom and teaching you humility was. Yeah, you know, I had so many comments in the books reason regards to that job. I worked as a waiter at a newdist resort and UM, I had worked in the food service industry only a couple of times when I was younger,

UM eighteen and nineteen years old. UM, and at that time it was almost you know, it was like whatever, you know, I did a bustle or work and some other things like that. But yeah, I was at this point when I got that job, I was twenty seven years old. UM. I had just separated from my girlfriend at the time. We had two daughters. One was turning four in like a week or two, and then the other one was eighteen ugo eighteen months twenty months old, so it were very small children. I was becoming a

single dad. We had uh, shared custody. But at that point I actually had the girls Monday through Friday, and then in my next time I had had them on the weekend. So I really had to get creative with the jobs that I chose, and I chose and not like that that the economy was absolutely horreendous and I couldn't find work. I was living in Sacramento and it was uh, June or two thousand nine, and there was no work, and I didn't find an ad for a newest resort, but I didn't say that. It said there

was a clothing optional resort. There was a water position, so I knew would be cash at the end of every day that I could buy groceries and do these types of things with. And uh, to say it was humbling would be an understatement. Um. I certainly not judging people who choosed to go to the resorts and being

aged and whatnot. It's not really what humbled me. What humbled me was having, um, having people are and that was very fit and at this point in my life type at that time, I had a very successful personal training business and I myself was extremely fit, and you know, um, you know, I felt like I had in my life pretty well together aside from what had just occurred, and to have to stand and be braided by night, you know, the customers managers who were all, you know, just it

was really just it was hard. It was it was just such a humbling experience. And you know, I'm a bit of a you know, I don't want to say a high I had to know it out a lot, but I'm certainly a fighter, and uh, it was the first time in my life I couldn't fight. I had to take it because there were no other jobs available.

I had no other options financially, and so things I normally would have stuck up for myself and I had no choice but to bite my tongue, um, you know, kind of quiet myself and and uh and just really take it. And so some of the things that happened there, you know, a bunch of funny stories in the book.

I don't necessarily know that they're appropriate for the podcast, but you know, appropriate, okay, yeah, because I have no you know, I'm like, all right, man, you if you read that chart or you know it's you know, I mean things like you know, I had a woman slap a twenty dollar build down the uh, the counter um that was. She was a fairly heavy sat woman and it must have been about a hundred and five that day. And I gave you the best service I possibly could.

And she was a pretty nice woman. But at the end of her her meal, typically resid you know, the people there would charge it to their room because they didn't carry cash or change for obvious reasons. Well this one did carry cash and it was under her massive gargangan boom. It was the nastiest thing I've every scene in my life. And she flapped it down on the

counter and said you keep the change. Being my coworker day, like there, that's a three dollar It's so no you know, actually tricked my manager in the picking of I'm like, hey man, he break this twenty He came over and he said, oh, this thing is nasty things. I was under so many balls all day and it was disgusting that we had a good laughter everything like that. I mean, I think I put a three or four stories and from the from what happened at that place in the book,

but there were so many more. I mean I had so many instances where you know, I had these really just heavy set, older angry you know, customers, which I'm sure all people who worked in the restaurant industry have doubled.

But the difference is like even normal restaurant, you deal with them because you's a normal customer or whatever, but it may it's that they're they're all completely naked, so it's like it almost takes the level of like, you know, embarrassment to another level for you if you'd be if you're the water, they're like yelling at you or they're braiding you, and you're just looking at them like I'm getting yelled at by this naked fifty year old man.

And it's a even real mind job. But you know what, I'm still I feel so like blast having even been able to land that job for them, they've even given an opportunity with you know, waiting experience, because uh, it literally allowed me to survive for five months. So yeah, you describe a a time where you were taking a meal out to somebody outside. You want to tell us that story if you want to hear it. Man, Yeah, it was my first day, I'm the job, my first day I'm a job. They you know, we had this.

It was a restaurant and I actually was required to wear a polo shirt and dress short. So it was like you, it was a nice restaurant. It wasn't what you might be picturing. I don't know, but for me, you know, it was it was a pretty nice restaurant. And there was a pool backing um that was outside.

And I wasn't a lawyer, but they said, you know, Brendan, we were also responsible to bring through the patrons who are out on the pool, out by the pool, and and so I was okay, great, you know, And until that first day I was kind of falling along with the guy and and uh. I had brought a couple of drinks out to the pool, but it was like wait towards the gate entrances, and so it wasn't I didn't really get too into it at this point. My first day I was really uncomfortable all the naked people.

I did dealt with it, but my first day it was still very much a shock. I mean, it's it's something you're not really prepared for. After about three days, you're just I've adjusted, but day one not so much. Well, I'm walking out there with I do it a drink or a food or a bit of both. I don't remember how, but I'm walking out there, and they kind of had these steps, so the pool kind of sits at the base and then the different levels of where they have the actual lawn chairs and stuff where people

can can. It kind of elevates as you walk away from the pool, like in it circles the pool like that, And so I had my eyes down deliberately trying to avoid you know, eye contact or even really just see any of these naked people. Man. I was, I was walking and I see this woman and told me, you know, there's woman out there with the blue hat on. You need to go find her and take her her food

and her drinks. And I'm like, okay. So I spotted the blue hat right when I got to the gate, and she was kind of fall off in the distance. So I had my eyes down as I'm walking towards her. I glanced up and see the blue hatting in and I'm like, not too far away, and I'm stepping up on these steps, and then as they rise, I the first thing I saw was her feet. He felt like, okay,

I think this is her. And she was laying face down on a lawn chair and I saw her feet for about a split second and I'm like, okay, maybe this is her. And as I stepped up onto the steps and the wise man, her hers were completely wide

open um. She was face down and I could see everything like her her ass like literally was like feet from like when my face was because the base and so like I I mean, and in that moment, like I startled her, I'm like, man, and I'm like I'm shocked from oh my guy, there's her asshole, Like I just see this, not expecting to see this, and she's like, excuse me in in and then it's like but my eyes hadn't got a chance to move yet, so it

was disgusting. I startled her. She kind of clinched and and she's like oh hi, and I'm like, oh my god, Like I give her her feet or drinks or her she gives me money. I'm walking back and I'm like, that was the first time ever I can honestly say I've met somebody like Bubble first, you know what I mean, Like you might have someone on her shoulder, you might see the legs first, but never were the first thing you actually see is like that. It was it was hysterical.

It was like in my head of like business it doesn't the most really whatever happened on the basement planet? And uh, yeah that that story never they never a lot to know. It's the funny the uh, there's there's

great stories in that section. The thing that that at the you you you end that section though, you talk about being sort of talked down to by this this naked man and how you took it and said that it was one of the proudest moments your life because you put your kids in that moment ahead of your ego and your pride. And I thought that was that was touching. And the other the other theme that's in the book an Awful Lot, is really the love you

have for your children, how central they are to your life. Um, you've got a piece of advice in there, a chapter that basically says, you know, it's the chapter starts off with just don't funk up your kids. Can you tell us a little bit about that section? Yeah? And um god, you know what's funny is my buddy sent me a link just today about you know, I guess a woman had just published a an article on Huffington Post, one of his on the websites or something that he was

a similar feed. He was like he was concerned, you know, being ripped off, but she had similar language. I guess I'm pretty consistent with the Fox throughout here, but but Hunt and pretty six of them. I believe the babe that the themes that chapter is really about not projecting

your own bullshit on your kids. I think that most people carry a lot of their own bad behaviors from their childhood that they couldn't deal with properly, and then they immediately you mean, I think I think most people aren't really critical thinkers, that they're not really maybe they are completely an aware of self or what. But I think, uh, maybe I don't see most people, but quite a few people. I mean, he mixed bloys here, but they they don't ever stop to think while they say or do the

things that they do. Like I'm a very strict parent. I'm extremely like my kids know what the line is that um And some people are like, oh my god, like you don't back down, and I'm like, no, Like that's the line. There's a certain I hold I hold them to the same standard. But you know, and all of them get the same exact treatment, and really they

have seem treatment almost regardless of age. Once you know, once my son's Phoenix was past the age of about one, I started just bowan him in on what's expected in and as far as his behavior in the world, how he treats other people, um, his interactions and whatnot. It's not that I don't want them all to be free with their their personalities and their self expression and all that stuff. But what I don't want I don't want kids that of bullies or or that are spoiled there.

You know, these are the things I'm like, these are the things I can I can correct and show them. Now the other results been pretty amazing. I think I'm I feel like one of the most lucky men on the planet for having three and just phenomenal kids. But I think a large part of that is that even when I scowled with my kids or I do my best to be very very very analytical with myself in

analyzing my reactions in my interactions with them. And and you know, you're sometimes when I'm like, man, that two harshenals, I'll consciously think about it, you know, my projecting something from my own childhood with the answers, Yes, I hold back, I apologize, and I deal with appropriate and if it's no, then I stayed a course, and I recognize that this this is just one of those times I've got to be a little harsher than normal. Um, But nonetheless is I do my best not to bring any of mind

junk towards them. Like I just enjoyed watching them being themselves and in watching the way that they kind of expressed themselves, in the different creative things that they do and their sensive to humor and whatnot. Yeah, that that not projecting your own stuff under your kids is really challenging, even when you're conscious of it. I have a son in the steps on fifteen year old boys, and and

so it is. You know, I wrestle with that. I do think that that piece of apologizing to your kids and going back and saying you're wrong is such a powerful piece of modeling for them to say, Yeah, we all get it wrong, and it's important to acknowledge it and deal with it. Another thing in the book that I really liked is I think we all know that the negative energy of people around us sometimes can really be challenging in keeping ourselves positive and and moving in

the right direction. And you've got a technique in the book you call recycling energy. Do you wanna tell me a little bit more about that? Yeah, I think this is something i've you know, i'd like to see until I wrote it down. I perfected this this stop process most of them that I learned in the book, and it isn't the part that really people get really kind of like wow. Um, I don't have any formal training. I didn't go to school for psychology, and I certainly

didn't do any like Q classes when it comes to energy. Um, they did sort of, you know, I think most of what comes from the book. Obviously, I have a phenomenal parent, you know, the parents that raised me, and a mother specifically that that emphasized self help and kind of personal growth and things. And I read tons of books growing up and then all that kind of fun stuff, and even in my twenties, I read quite a few books,

and but mostly I tried to apply everything. I'm a little big fan of taking what you you hear and then applying it to life. But I'm not trying it too far off topic, but specifically about recycling energy is um. I try to do my best to you know, a lot of people will how I how I explain this all right, Seeing when you have someone come up to you,

you know, like dumping on you about their day. Right, And most people even if they don't agree with the person dumping on them, like they could absolutely staunchly disagree with them, but they'll sit there and just take it and the nod their head and it's like the I

guess it's like the courteous thing to do. Right, It's like I'm being played by listening to experience nonsense, even though I think it's better ship, especially when it's someone like, you know, they could have avoided the problem, right, they're the cause. So what I do, and I do this with everybody, whether it's my family, friends or my kids,

I start turning it around. I do it will will uh move deliberately, and I just start asking them questions, kind of redirecting them back towards their own interaction with them. So they're complaining about work, I'll ask program questions like it's so you're complaining about somebody who interact with them in a certain way at work. All did say things like, oh, well, how did that make you feel? They'll keep unloading. Okay, well could you do any different? And I'll start in

my my it's not that I'm trying to judge. It's not I'm not trying to do anything other than get them thinking about their own uh kind of a long thing to be a little more you know, self aware, trying to get them to think consciously about you know, and then we really even start to think whether I could have handled it differently. And it's not I'm not doing it to be a jerk, and I'm not doing it to be like, yeah, you're always wrong, but sometimes you you know, I don't want to take on their stress.

I don't want to take on their negativity. In the way that I do it is just sort of I'm like, hey, man, you know you can expew and I'm a good listener. I'll let you send your bullship this direction. But once you're done and I've got a chance to hear it all out and I let you go, uh, you know, I'm gonna start asking questions, I'm gonna start breaking it down. And that's kind of you know, It's one of the things I think that I've been blessed with in my life.

And I'm I'm pretty good at finding, you know, what people are, what their strength for, what the law One of the reasons I do what I do now for a living, not just with the book, but in my you know, corporate world. And and I think that's sort of how I'll also protect myself from their negativity. And and I am not perfect, by the way. I got sucked in with some nonsense today with a you know, an employee coworker situation, and and um, you know, they

hadn't me heated for about thirty minute. So then I had to stop, and I'm like, damn, dude, I'm like, am I really manatal is this about someone else's bullshit? And I stopped, and I thought about it, and I'll sit them, you know, sitting at the desk, and I'm like, man, like, this is not me. And then I, you know, kind of I thought about the interaction and this is this is my deal. This person is clearly venting off her stuff,

and uh, and I got to recognize that. And once I recognize that, it made it incredibly easy, uh to just let it go, like literally in the moment, let it go and move on and continue being productive. Yeah. That's Uh. That's a big challenge, at least for me, is the negative energy of other people and and feeling like either I need to fix it or that somehow

it's gonna infect me or something. And I think your your your method there that you describe as really is really helpful and and I do really like a lot of throughout the book and in this conversation, really you keep coming back to, Hey, you're just a You're a regular guy like everybody else, and um, you're not perfect.

And I think that's in the I'm not a fan of the word self help, but in the you know, in the in the community of people who are trying to improve themselves to some degree, right that the guru complex can be really damaging sometimes, and we've we've made an effort to get people on the show who who don't really do that. And I think you're a great example of that. Thank you. I appreciate that, and I I'm right there with you, you know. And I talked about the book and my mom. You know, mom is

one the most amazing, authentic people you ever meet. But even she painted herself into a corner um with her material. And you know, I think it's been enough years now she's starting to expand again and kind of get allowing herself to be more creative. But for a decade, she got to a point where she couldn't beat herself entirely because she you know, she the young portunity, she followed the same path. I think that a lot of people who are involved in this particularly motivation or whatever the

hell we're calling it these days. Um My mom, God bless Heard doesn't have a lot of skeleton that was able to just kind of she was always offense, but she didn't feel like she could allow her personality to fully shown. So when I was actually putting the book together, my mom just kept telling me, Brendan, stay authentic makes your playing field as big as they possibly can. And I think that's truth to anybody you know, in any

part of life. I think when you will show how big your personality can be, and you wially show the different parts of yourself, you get to a place where your your your authenticity, and your sincerity allow you a bigger playing field to plan on. And what I mean by that is I can write about anything. And I don't mean that like I'm the man and I got

talent to do it. I mean there's nothing I'm gonna write in the second book that you're gonna offend you more than way I wrote in the first book, so I've already set the expectations like if you catch me coming out of a strip club on Saturday night, no one's taking pictures of me and going, oh my god, Brandon really like naked women, like, yeah, no ship. And from the book, So my whole thing, my whole purpose on that is, you know, I wanted to be able to say, look like this, I'm a big this is

a big personality. I have a lot of life and that I choose to experience a lot of things I like to do. I'm certainly not condoning like bad behavior go out and do you know, and tell everybody about it. But that being said, if you're participating in those behaviors, don't be full of ship. And that's kind of my shot at the Guru Complex. It's like, really, dude, you know, And I took a shot at one guy and actually I think I ended up taking out the book the

left of thing. I can't remember at this point, but I'm like, you're telling me that this particular guy doesn't get piste off in traffic until you know, give somebody the bird, like really, Like I don't buy it. I don't I don't even think that's the purpose of life, is to get to a point where you're like, oh, I just cut off, get got cut off, and I'm just gonna internalize that ship and be angry about it because I'm afraid to express myself. So so that's kind

of what I was going for. And I'm glad that that came across to you. Yeah, it definitely did. I think there's a real danger in we tend to think that we're going to hit some state if we do enough of this type of stuff, we're gonna hit some state where happiness is a permanent condition, or we're gonna float on the clouds. And I think that's damaging because that never comes. And the people who are honest say, yes,

you can get better. You your moods can be better, you can be happier more of the time, you can live a life that's purposeful and has meaning. But there's still gonna be times that you're just in a lousy mood, or you're gonna you're gonna be depressed, you're gonna be angry, And I think that's the human condition, and I think the more we talk about that, the more helpful it is. Yeah,

I agree with you. I'm I'm like right there with you, and that's and I think that to me and maybe, you know, maybe you'll agree, because it's pretty much exactly what you're just saying. But the idea of self help, the way it's currently constructed or motivation or whatever the hell we're gonna call it the idea right now, it's set up almost the way that you know how all the Cosmo magazine and seventeen magazine Ship came under fire years ago because it was like you're setting up these

unrealistic expectations for women of what beautiful is right. You know, it was like you have these kids with eating disorders and ship because they're like looking at the covering magazine going, oh my god, I can't be that, so I'm gonna starve myself and I'm not getting enough blah blah blah.

I think it's the same thing as the genre that if my book happens to his die, it's it's a bunch of books written by a bunch of people, and not all of them, but I would to a large majority that are written from the standpoint of if you do this, this, and this, you can be just like me in my life is incredible, which is bullshit. Like, you know, I think all of our lives are pretty damn incredible, and you have to walk around doing things that we do. I think that your your life is

only as amazing and you'd make it. But the you know, there's big money to be made in uh uh in kind of praying on people's insecurity, and I think, unfortunately that's what happened. That's what what's happened every day. And so with my book, all I wanted to do, I wanted to come across like, man, I'm I'm your friend, and that's the god honest truth. This is the conversation you're gonna have over a beer, uh you know, a

happy hour. This is the conversation you're gonna have with your best girlfriend, you know, hanging out, eat nice cream and watching a movie on a Saturday night. Like I didn't. I the last thing I would ever want anyone to accuse me I was being full of ship. I might be wrong, and I'm okay with that. I can live with wrong, but being full of ship is something I just couldn't stomach. Yeah, I think there's I think there's

a lot of authenticity there. So I think we're kind of ending nearing the end of the interview here, do you have any last things you want to leave us with? Uh, to kind of close up? Um, you know, the one thing I do your first day, I want to just say briefly is just thank you to anybody and everybody who's read the book. It's it is beyond humbling in

surreal the response it's gotten so far. It's been incredible. Um, the you know, the the feedback, the the comments and the rankings and stuff like this on Amazon, the ratings and all that fun stuff. Uh, it's it's literally it's a trip. And I just wanted to say thank you to yourinas and anybody who's really able to, um take anything positive from the book in the if you thank you for sperlliant, well, I think that covers everything. Brendan, thanks very much for joining us on the show. It

was it was an enjoyable conversation. Thank you. I only appreciate you Ben's having me on. Yeah, okay, thanks take care, alright, alright bye. You can learn more about Brendan Dilley and this podcast at one you feed dot net slash Brendan Dilley And you know, since you're going to go get on your computer anyway and do that. We'd really like you to go to one you feed dot net and email us and let us know what was your favorite episode of the one you Feed so far. Thanks