Why 'What If?' Is Ruining Your Present

The OCD and Anxiety Podcast by Robert James Coaching. Music.

Hello and welcome to the OCD and Anxiety Podcast where we explore how to have a more positive relationship with anxiety disorders taking back control so that you can start living the life you choose and not the one chosen by your fears. Music.

Hello and welcome to episode 447 Today we're tackling anticipatory anxiety or what I like to call future-based fears you know the ones those spiraling what-if thoughts that drag you out of the present and leave you dreading what's coming next but don't worry because today we're going to be covering this in detail and i'm going to be giving you some actionable tips to help manage anticipatory anxiety in relation to ocd now if you're finding this podcast helpful it would be amazing if you could

subscribe to the youtube channel there's a link in the show notes or you can search for the OCD and Anxiety Podcast by Robert James Coaching. I share lots of extra videos, tips. The main podcast video is not actually the same as the normal podcast. So there's different information there as well. So if you would like to subscribe there, that would be amazing. Also, if you'd like to get a free session with me, you can get that by heading over to my website, robertjamescoaching.com.

There you can book him for that free session or if you prefer you can send me a message and let me know about what you're struggling with so many thanks guys i really hope that you enjoyed this one and off we go.

Anxiety does not empty tomorrow of its sorrows but only empties today of its strength charles spurgeon and this quote beautifully captures the problem with anticipatory anxiety when we focus so much on what might happen we drain ourselves of the energy we need to deal with the here and now and in the context of ocd anticipatory anxiety often shows up as a loop of what-if thoughts, those relentless mental spirals trying to predict or prepare for an uncertain future.

For example, what if I make a mistake and ruin everything? What if something terrible happens and I didn't prepare for it? Wouldn't that mean that it was completely my fault? What if I don't figure this out in time and then something terrible happens? These what-if thoughts can feel like they demand an answer immediately.

OCD tricks you into believing that if you just analyze the situation enough you can control the outcome but here's the truth as you probably know no amount of worry or rumination can guarantee certainty and the real problem with anticipatory anxiety is that it actually creates the illusion of control it makes you feel like you're solving a problem but in reality you're stuck in a loop instead of preparing for the future it disconnects you

from the present where meaningful action can actually happen and and this is why it's so important to step back from the what if questions and to focus on what's happening right now the future is inherently uncertain but that doesn't mean you can't live fully today and in the moment.

Anticipatory anxiety is actually something that i'm dealing with myself today and probably for the next few days and this is due to the fact that my fiance is 39 weeks pregnant and of course the the baby is due at any moment and i'm finding myself wanting to to worry about you know anything that could go wrong in that process you know worrying about after the baby comes how i'm not going to sleep if i'm going to have any time to to do anything you know there's

all sorts of things that potentially i could ruminate on.

Uh to do with to do with the birth and to do with you know the following weeks and it's something that is is there in the background i'm finding myself wanting to to think about it but i'm doing my very best to remind myself that i don't have to that actually I do have control over where I put my attention as I talk about a lot in the podcast I don't have any control over the thoughts that are popping up into my consciousness about this so you know the anticipatory anxiety is coming

up I am nervous about about this I can't change that fact I have to learn how to bring acceptance and compassion to the fact that I'm a bit anxious and nervous about this situation and actually it's allowed it's it's normal to be a little bit apprehensive in this situation but it's definitely not helpful to ruminate on all of those things that are coming up and actually one of the best things that I can do for myself right now is to focus in on

my values and my goals and to keep my attention on what matters to me rather than getting lost in all of these what if questions.

So OCD loves anticipatory anxiety because the future is full of uncertainty and uncertainty is is really like catnip for OCD it thrives on the unknown convincing you that if you just think hard enough you can predict and control it but of course we can't when you're stuck in the future actually what what tends to happen is you miss the present and you know I think an important example of that for me right now is obviously I want to be present for my fiance and to enjoy this moment

before the new baby comes and you know if i'm stuck in my head well i'm missing the present i'm missing what's going on now i'm missing the joy and and and the meaning that could be created in in these moments. Another thing is anticipatory anxiety tricks you into believing that worrying is actually a form of preparation. But in reality, most of these kind of what-if questions, scenarios that we tend to create in our mind, well, they never happen.

And the worrying only actually leaves you drained of your energy. And perhaps you need that energy for the things that are going on in the present moment. So here are some really helpful tips for managing anticipatory anxiety.

Particularly in relation to to ocd and the first one is to try to flip the script on what if when you notice a what if question respond with even if and this might seem strange but you know instead of kind of asking you know what if i fail say to yourself even if i fail i'll learn something valuable here and this this kind of reframing here really helps you to shift your focus from.

Catastrophizing about the future to actually focusing in on your resilience and your flexibility because the reality is if we're able to kind of reframe that disastrous thing and we kind of say to ourselves even if that happens i will deal with it i'll find a way to deal with it in the future that can really help us to kind of take back our control in the present moment the next one is the one-minute action rule.

When anxiety about the future overwhelms you, ask yourself, what's one small thing I can do in the next minute? For example, write a to-do list or take a deep breath or stretch. Tip three is actually to anticipate on purpose. So instead of avoiding your fears, lean into them intentionally. Spend two minutes visualizing the worry, but resist the urge to fix or solve it. For example, if you're worried about an upcoming event, let the anxiety rise without acting on it.

And this is really about trying to use visualization, closing your eyes for a moment or two. Make sure if you're going to do this that you do it in a safe way. But closing your eyes, visualizing, you know, the worst case scenario, if you like, and actually allow yourself to see that for a moment or two. Feel the anxiety, feel the discomfort that comes up in the body.

But then let go of it and do something else allow that discomfort to be there now what you've done is a kind of mini exposure activity and again i wouldn't do this with the most difficult things i would perhaps do it with with smaller things but over time you can really build up that ability you know to look at the things that are giving you fear about the future and to begin to kind of face them voluntarily rather than waiting

for OCDs to kind of keep giving you intrusive thoughts about that thing. Actually, you're bringing those intrusive thoughts into your mind yourself on purpose and that begins to kind of change your relationship with those intrusive thoughts.

So the next time you catch yourself spiraling into what-if thoughts, remember anxiety feeds on the future but your strength actually lies in the present.

By flipping the script taking small actions and learning to sit with discomfort you can reclaim your focus and live more fully in the moment if you found this episode helpful don't forget to subscribe to my youtube channel where i share even more strategies and tools for managing ocd and anxiety and if you enjoyed this podcast please do leave us a review it helps others find these resources and to start their own journey with ocd so thanks

so much for listening and i'll see you in the next episode.

Just a quick reminder that if you want to get a free session all you need to do to get that is to head over to my website www.robertjamescoaching.com and there you can leave me a message and we can arrange the free session, and now just a quick reminder of my disclaimer any information that you view on my website Instagram page, Facebook group or anywhere else online or any information that you listen to on the podcast is for informational purposes only and is not intended to be

a substitute for actual medical or mental health advice from a doctor, psychologist or any other medical or mental health professional. Music.