Transforming Resentment into Resilience: Mastering OCD

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Hello and welcome to episode 410. We are well and truly into summer and hope that it's not too hot wherever you are or if you like the heat hopefully it is nice and hot for you. Now if you are struggling with OCD or anxiety and you would like to get a free session with that well you can by heading over to my website which is robertjamescoaching.com. There you can book in for a free session, or if you prefer, you can send me a message and let me know about what you're struggling with.

In today's podcast, I'm going to be talking about something that's very relevant to me and my own personal struggles with OCD. And that is learning how to let go of the kind of anger and the resentment that can come up about having OCD and having to be somebody who struggles with this kind of thing.

I think it's really important that we learn how to do that. so today I'm going to be going to be talking about that if you find the podcast helpful it would be amazing if you could subscribe I would really really appreciate it you can easily subscribe right now if you wanted to just by hitting that subscribe button it really does make a big difference to the podcast so many thanks guys I really hope that you enjoy if you have

any questions at all about anything I speak about today do please let me know and off we go.

Here is a quote to get us started today and it's by Lewis Gossett Jr. The worst resentment that anybody can have is one you feel justified to keep. And I think this is very, very relevant today for this podcast and, you know, when we think about resentment and an OCD. I know from personal experience that this is something that I really struggled with because having OCD is obviously a really horrible thing to have. There's no getting away from it. We know what it's like.

It's sickening. It's really difficult. The level of anxiety that you can experience, the frustration, the anger, the hurt, the distrust that you almost have for yourself and for life.

I mean, it can be so pernicious. it can be so difficult to overcome at times and so of course resentment and anger and frustration about the OCD is going to come up and it certainly did for me for many many years I was thinking why me why do I have to have this what you know why why is life like this how is this fair that I have to deal with this it's not fair you know and of course I was kind of going around in circles with And I was winding myself up with it,

you know, and it obviously wasn't helping the situation at all. As I'm sure you're aware, resentment, obviously it doesn't help. And as that kind of quote points out, you know, the worst thing that we can do is kind of hold on to it indefinitely because we feel justified in it. That is the worst thing that we can do because resentment is never going to actually help us. All it does is it actually takes away from us. You know, when we feel resentment towards another person.

It's almost always a hundred times better if we can bring up that resentment with that person to be able to actually express that.

That so that we're able to kind of clear the air and move forward in that relationship with that person and if we don't do that if we just keep that resentment there bubbling under the surface well you know that can lead to all sorts of problems of course sometimes you need to be careful with how you air things but generally speaking you know actually allowing that you know that that kind of resentment to be expressed in some way and then to try to move past it is.

The thing that is going to help us to feel better and I think it's the same when it comes to OCD we have to find a way to recognize that the resentment about it the frustration and anger about it although as I've just kind of spoken about it's absolutely understandable that you feel that way about it to a certain extent that's still there for me too but I think if you can try to find a different way of understanding OCD it can help you to let go of some of that resentment it's almost

like bringing it up with that person that you need to kind of speak to about something that is bothering you well it's the same thing that we're going to do here when it comes to OCD you know if we are able to actually recognize that there's resentment there there's anger there. About the OCD, that it is actually justified. But that it's not actually going to help us moving forward.

Then we can actually start taking action to do something with that resentment, to actually turn it into something that's a little bit more positive, something that might actually help us moving forward.

And that's really all about transforming the resentment into resilience. And of course, resilience is a very important word when it comes to OCD because it's the word that helps us to lean into our discomfort, comfort, to take on challenges, to work on building acceptance, to be a bit more compassionate with ourselves.

All of these things involve resilience. And to be honest, when we are resenting something, when we are, you know, holding on to something, we're actually using up an enormous amount of energy. And that's why we don't want to hold on to resentment. We want to actually clear the air. Whilst we're holding on to resentments, we are, you know, We're using up that important energy that we could be putting into overcoming the OCD.

And, you know, one of the things that I tend to find is helpful for me with this is rather than focusing on what the OCD has taken away from me, I'm going to focus in on the things that OCD is going to force me to have to learn and develop in my life.

And this can be quite a difficult thing to do because of course as we've already talked about there's a lot of there's a lot of very negative things when it comes to OCD and those are the things that of course our attention goes to so we're not denying those things of course we recognize and we we try to accept those things but at the same time we also have to recognize that the challenge that OCD presents forces us to to make a decision are we going to to develop ourselves are we going

to learn how to lean into discomfort and to to overcome you know the want for certainty are we going to have to learn to live with a bit more uncertainty and to to be a bit more compassionate with ourselves to be a bit kinder with ourselves these are things that that that we have to do if you want to learn how to overcome OCD.

And, you know, I think if we can focus on putting our energy into that to recognize that, you know, in order for us to overcome those things, we have to start channeling that resentment, which I've already spoken about effectively, that is kind of energy.

You know, if we can put that energy into the difficult challenge that OCD presents in order to develop ourselves in these different ways that I've just kind of spoken about, you know, that can actually then transform what is a very difficult and negative emotion that takes away from us into something that can actually help propel us forward. And I think we have to find a way to do that.

We need to find that energy from somewhere. It can be so challenging, so difficult sometimes to lean into that discomfort. To take on that challenge of the OCD. It's almost like we've got to find this strength within us to try to let go of the anger and the resentment and to not kind of just say, right, I'm not allowed to feel this because of course that is kind of pushing down your emotions and we don't want to do that.

That's the last thing we want to do so we have to acknowledge that the resentment is there we're not going to push it down but we're going to try to use it to propel us forward to recognize that we can take on the challenge of OCD but we need energy to do it and if you can use that anger use that frustration to to take on those challenges to to push forward to do the exposure activity negativity to come back to the present moment when you would much rather just stay there ruminating to

find a way to be a bit more accepting and a bit more resilient then you know that's going to really help you moving forward rather than than hindering you you know when we just focus on the negativity of it all the time and this is something that's been very helpful for me in in my own life when you know when i've been uh when i was incredibly stuck in the past and You know, that kind of almost self-hatred at times, that frustration. Of course, it was holding me back.

But when I learned to say, OK, yeah, I really dislike this, but, you know, it is here and I can't change that. And actually, there are many things in my life that are actually going really, really well, you know, despite the fact that OCD is here.

Already we're beginning to change our focus of this and of course what I'm talking about just there is gratitude and I think this is a big part of of that process and again I'm not I'm not talking about denying a reality here we're not we're not bringing gratitude to to having OCD but we are bringing gratitude to the things in our life that are good you know when we focus us in on the fact that actually despite the fact that we have OCD you know there may be all sorts of

other things going on in your life that are actually really good that are actually really positive that really support you and help you you know so often when we're really struggling with OCD we forget about those things and we we're just paying attention to the negativity of the situation and the resentment about it and I think a bit of an antidote to that sometimes is is to really focus each day a little bit on the things that are actually going well,

the things that you're grateful for, the things that you're happy about. And when we do that, I think that really helps with this process of channeling that anger and that frustration into trying to overcome the OCD. I think this is a really important topic. It's something that's helped me a lot, and hopefully it will be helpful for you too. If you have any questions at all about anything I've spoken about today, Do please let me know and I will see you next time. Music.